Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 2, Episode 4 - The Center of the Ocean - full transcript
Axe Cop goes to a fancy dinner party that falls under siege by evil aliens who are there to kidnap the Water Queen.
I'll tell ya, the paperwork
involved with top-notch police work
- can get overwhelming.
- Not for me.
I can speed-read. Oh man!
- Looks like we got another leak.
- It's not a leak.
It's a letter made of water.
"Dear Axe Cop.
The King of All Time
cordially invites you
to attend a water party in
the center of the ocean.
This is a dress-up party.
Signed, the King of All Time.
P.S. There will be water cake"!
One day, at the scene of the fire
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
I can't fight you right now.
I'm on my way to a party.
They're serving water cake!
Axe Cop, I'm the
King of All Time.
Tonight you will hear
the best water music,
Drink the best water juice
and eat the best water cake.
- Now we're talking.
- And most importantly
you will meet my best
daughter, the Water Queen.
She is the source of all
the water on Earth.
Without her, there
would be no lakes,
no streams, no estuaries,
not even the ocean.
And with no ocean there
would be no barrier
Separating the sharks
and the tigers.
That's correct. You're going
to love the Water Queen.
- You two should dance.
- No.
These two should dance.
I present to you the
most powerful woman
in two-thirds of the
world: the Water Queen.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you very much.
She'd make the ultimate
wife for the ultimate man.
Right, Axe Cop? Axe Cop?
If I was water cake,
where would I be?
Ah, there she is!
- Hmm?
- Time to put on our disguises.
Aliens!? This party
just got fun.
Axe Cop!? What are you doing?
Why are you killing my merwizard guards?
You're ruining the best party!
No. I'm saving the best party!
My merwizards are evil aliens!
What are you doing?
Axe Cop. Axe Cop!
Those evil aliens are
stealing my daughter!
You're too late, Axe Cop.
Bring my daughter
back, evil aliens!
The ocean is gone now.
There is nothing keeping the sharks
and tigers from going to war.
Axe Cop, you have to
save my daughter.
- Obviously.
- Take my son... Lobster Man...
with you, he's a great warrior.
I look forward to leading us
on this mission, Axe Cop.
No. I'm the leader.
But I should lead because I
can use my lobster antennas
- to track the aliens.
- I can use my own antennas.
- See?
- But the Water Queen is my sister.
- But I have an axe!
- Enough!
- You can take turns leading.
- Fine, but I get to go first.
Wexter!
Let's go!
Axe Cop, come in, Axe Cop. We've
got a big problem down here.
It's bath time and we
have absolutely no water!
That's because all the
water on Earth is gone.
- What?!
- I'm off to save the Water Queen.
- Honey, what's going on?
- There's no more water on Earth.
But if there isn't any water...
Then nothing's keeping the sharks
and the tigers from an all-out war.
Anita, no time for gasping.
Fetch me my tiger-cuffs
and shark-nets.
It's gonna be a long night.
So I bet you're wondering why
I don't look like my father,
- the King of All Time.
- No. I don't wonder about you at all.
My real parents were half-human
and half-German shepherds.
They named my sister Hasta Mia
and they named me Koko Mia.
We were both half-dog.
My sister always wanted to
do whatever she wanted.
I wanna do whatever I want.
But one day, while I was
out hunting for lobster
my parents wouldn't let
her do what she wanted.
She got so mad that she
did a terrible thing.
What have you done, Hasta Mia?
Then she killed my lobster and
got lobster blood all over me.
That's when I became
half lobster, half dog
with a human head.
I want to do whatever I want!
I never saw my sister again.
The King of All Time could
tell how sad I was,
so he adopted me and I
grew up with a new,
nice sister: the Water Queen.
I vowed to protect my new,
nice sister from any harm,
because I couldn't protect
my half-dog parents.
And now it's my turn to lead.
No. You used up your
turn telling your story.
Let's go!
- What are you doing with me, evil alien?
- I'm going to use you
to flood the Sand Planet and
drown all the sand people.
No! I don't want to kill them.
They're a peaceful people.
- Oh my gosh.
- Rain!
We're peaceful people!
♪ Tear Sparrow ♪
Look, a Tear Sparrow! It must
be from my adopted sister,
- the Water Queen.
- ♪ Hello, Lobster Man ♪
♪ hello, Axe Cop ♪
♪ the evil aliens are
using the Water Queen ♪
♪ to drown the sand people ♪
♪ and soon they'll be able
to rename the planet. ♪
Who cares if they
rename the planet?
If the evil aliens give the planet
a new name that rhymes with
their name, it will give them
all the power in the Universe.
Space law... learn it.
Tear Sparrow...
show us the way.
This doesn't make any sense.
The tigers should have
been here by now to attack
- their natural enemies, the sharks.
- Wait a second...
- Oh no!
- What is it?
The tigers didn't
come to the sharks.
The sharks went to the tigers!
Our plan is working! The
sand people are almost gone!
- Adopted sister!
- You made it, adopted brother.
I knew you'd save me.
It's alien-chopping time!
- Hey!
- And now it's my turn
to kill the evil alien leader.
Are you sure you can
kill your birth sister?
- Hasta Mia, it's you!
- Lobster Man, kill your real sister.
Pinch her head off.
- I can't do it.
- But it's your turn. You have to.
I can't kill one sister
to save another.
You're the worst
at taking turns.
Ha! And now it's too
late to stop me.
All the sand people are gone.
I, Hasta Mia, hereby
rename my new planet
Baba Mia!
Now that I have all the
power in the Universe,
I can do whatever I want!
- I don't understand, where did she go?
- She's right there!
I can do whatever I want!
And I want to destroy
the Universe!
My real sister is
destroying the Universe!
Water Queen? Give me a handle.
Nobody can do whatever
they want, except me!
And I want to chop
your head off!
I mean, who am I
supposed to root for?
- Both these animals are awesome.
- Whoa!
Looks like someone
saved the Water Queen.
Not someone, Axe Cop.
No, I know, I know.
When I say someone,
I'm obviously talking about Axe Cop.
Who else would do that?
involved with top-notch police work
- can get overwhelming.
- Not for me.
I can speed-read. Oh man!
- Looks like we got another leak.
- It's not a leak.
It's a letter made of water.
"Dear Axe Cop.
The King of All Time
cordially invites you
to attend a water party in
the center of the ocean.
This is a dress-up party.
Signed, the King of All Time.
P.S. There will be water cake"!
One day, at the scene of the fire
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
I can't fight you right now.
I'm on my way to a party.
They're serving water cake!
Axe Cop, I'm the
King of All Time.
Tonight you will hear
the best water music,
Drink the best water juice
and eat the best water cake.
- Now we're talking.
- And most importantly
you will meet my best
daughter, the Water Queen.
She is the source of all
the water on Earth.
Without her, there
would be no lakes,
no streams, no estuaries,
not even the ocean.
And with no ocean there
would be no barrier
Separating the sharks
and the tigers.
That's correct. You're going
to love the Water Queen.
- You two should dance.
- No.
These two should dance.
I present to you the
most powerful woman
in two-thirds of the
world: the Water Queen.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you very much.
She'd make the ultimate
wife for the ultimate man.
Right, Axe Cop? Axe Cop?
If I was water cake,
where would I be?
Ah, there she is!
- Hmm?
- Time to put on our disguises.
Aliens!? This party
just got fun.
Axe Cop!? What are you doing?
Why are you killing my merwizard guards?
You're ruining the best party!
No. I'm saving the best party!
My merwizards are evil aliens!
What are you doing?
Axe Cop. Axe Cop!
Those evil aliens are
stealing my daughter!
You're too late, Axe Cop.
Bring my daughter
back, evil aliens!
The ocean is gone now.
There is nothing keeping the sharks
and tigers from going to war.
Axe Cop, you have to
save my daughter.
- Obviously.
- Take my son... Lobster Man...
with you, he's a great warrior.
I look forward to leading us
on this mission, Axe Cop.
No. I'm the leader.
But I should lead because I
can use my lobster antennas
- to track the aliens.
- I can use my own antennas.
- See?
- But the Water Queen is my sister.
- But I have an axe!
- Enough!
- You can take turns leading.
- Fine, but I get to go first.
Wexter!
Let's go!
Axe Cop, come in, Axe Cop. We've
got a big problem down here.
It's bath time and we
have absolutely no water!
That's because all the
water on Earth is gone.
- What?!
- I'm off to save the Water Queen.
- Honey, what's going on?
- There's no more water on Earth.
But if there isn't any water...
Then nothing's keeping the sharks
and the tigers from an all-out war.
Anita, no time for gasping.
Fetch me my tiger-cuffs
and shark-nets.
It's gonna be a long night.
So I bet you're wondering why
I don't look like my father,
- the King of All Time.
- No. I don't wonder about you at all.
My real parents were half-human
and half-German shepherds.
They named my sister Hasta Mia
and they named me Koko Mia.
We were both half-dog.
My sister always wanted to
do whatever she wanted.
I wanna do whatever I want.
But one day, while I was
out hunting for lobster
my parents wouldn't let
her do what she wanted.
She got so mad that she
did a terrible thing.
What have you done, Hasta Mia?
Then she killed my lobster and
got lobster blood all over me.
That's when I became
half lobster, half dog
with a human head.
I want to do whatever I want!
I never saw my sister again.
The King of All Time could
tell how sad I was,
so he adopted me and I
grew up with a new,
nice sister: the Water Queen.
I vowed to protect my new,
nice sister from any harm,
because I couldn't protect
my half-dog parents.
And now it's my turn to lead.
No. You used up your
turn telling your story.
Let's go!
- What are you doing with me, evil alien?
- I'm going to use you
to flood the Sand Planet and
drown all the sand people.
No! I don't want to kill them.
They're a peaceful people.
- Oh my gosh.
- Rain!
We're peaceful people!
♪ Tear Sparrow ♪
Look, a Tear Sparrow! It must
be from my adopted sister,
- the Water Queen.
- ♪ Hello, Lobster Man ♪
♪ hello, Axe Cop ♪
♪ the evil aliens are
using the Water Queen ♪
♪ to drown the sand people ♪
♪ and soon they'll be able
to rename the planet. ♪
Who cares if they
rename the planet?
If the evil aliens give the planet
a new name that rhymes with
their name, it will give them
all the power in the Universe.
Space law... learn it.
Tear Sparrow...
show us the way.
This doesn't make any sense.
The tigers should have
been here by now to attack
- their natural enemies, the sharks.
- Wait a second...
- Oh no!
- What is it?
The tigers didn't
come to the sharks.
The sharks went to the tigers!
Our plan is working! The
sand people are almost gone!
- Adopted sister!
- You made it, adopted brother.
I knew you'd save me.
It's alien-chopping time!
- Hey!
- And now it's my turn
to kill the evil alien leader.
Are you sure you can
kill your birth sister?
- Hasta Mia, it's you!
- Lobster Man, kill your real sister.
Pinch her head off.
- I can't do it.
- But it's your turn. You have to.
I can't kill one sister
to save another.
You're the worst
at taking turns.
Ha! And now it's too
late to stop me.
All the sand people are gone.
I, Hasta Mia, hereby
rename my new planet
Baba Mia!
Now that I have all the
power in the Universe,
I can do whatever I want!
- I don't understand, where did she go?
- She's right there!
I can do whatever I want!
And I want to destroy
the Universe!
My real sister is
destroying the Universe!
Water Queen? Give me a handle.
Nobody can do whatever
they want, except me!
And I want to chop
your head off!
I mean, who am I
supposed to root for?
- Both these animals are awesome.
- Whoa!
Looks like someone
saved the Water Queen.
Not someone, Axe Cop.
No, I know, I know.
When I say someone,
I'm obviously talking about Axe Cop.
Who else would do that?