Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 2, Episode 2 - Heads Will Roll - full transcript
Axe Cop gets arrested after breaking all of the Normal Cop rules and is thrown into Prison run by a creepy Warden.
- Goo-rilla is attacking the city.
- What are we gonna do?
I'm going to go back in
time and get Ice Vikings.
Watch out!
Ice Viking horns
freeze acid goo.
Once Goo-rilla is frozen I
will chop his head off.
Viking Cop!
Sven, Svoren, Svaaren, Vjorgen,
Senja, Rintamaiki, attack!
Axe Cop, you've broken every
normal cop rule in the book.
Oh, come on, Axe Cop
just defeated Goo-rilla
and saved everybody.
Be that as it may, the normal
cop rules are as follows:
only use a gun, no
going back in time,
no inviting Ice Vikings to our
time and absolutely no axes!
Cuff him, boys.
One day, at the
scene of the fire,
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Hey, look!
The new fish is Axe Cop.
- Hello, Warden.
- Hmm...
the one and only Axe
Cop, here in my prison.
Take a look around.
Tell me what you see.
- Bad guys.
- Right. Shoo.
Bad guys with their
heads still on.
Now I'm a man of the law.
I can't do much
about their heads,
but maybe you have
some ideas, hm?
Have fun, Axe Cop.
Hey, I'm free! I'm free!
- What?
- Oh my gosh, Axe Cop.
I'm so sorry this
is taking so long.
There's so much red tape
bureaucracy with normal justice.
But know this, I am your loyal
partner and I'm going to
get you out of here before
you can finish the alphabet.
- I'm never leaving here.
- Axe Cop, don't give up so soon.
I know it seems bleak, but
we're pooling all our money
to get you out.
I even dipped into
Uni-Baby's college fund.
Please don't tell the missus.
But I don't want to leave.
Prison is the best!
Monday is gym day.
The bad guys get to exercise
and I chop their heads off.
Tuesday is movie day.
The bad guys get to watch movies
and I chop their heads off.
Wednesday is game day.
- Duck, duck...
- The bad guys get to play games...
- Shh... Chop!
- And I chop their heads off.
Thursday is family day.
Well, you get the idea.
Axe Cop, does the Warden
know you're doing this?
Yes, the Warden loves it.
He does? I don't know, Axe Cop,
something about this
sounds really suspicious.
- Hey, visiting hours are over.
- Bye.
What's wrong with you, Greg?
If we damage these heads
we're gonna end up in
one of these crates.
Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have snapped at you, man.
I just never been around
so much death before.
Yeah, let's go get some mops
and clean this mess up.
Bad guy heads?
What are these guys doing
with all of these?
- Load 'em up!
- Oh!
You did good today, Axe Cop.
We got truckloads of new bad
guys coming in tomorrow,
so get a good night's sleep.
Lights out.
What the heck?
Oh, no. They're
growing bad guys.
Oh, no no.
Shh, shh, come on, little guy.
Shh, shh.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
Oh, no, no. Shh, shh!
Well, hello. You must
be the Flute Cop,
Axe Cop's loyal partner.
Allow me to show you around
my bad guys greenery.
Now? Uh, okay.
When a child is born,
no one knows if he's gonna
be a good guy or a bad guy.
What I've done here is taken
that uncertainty and crushed it.
For every one bad guy's head I
plant, I can grow a thousand
stronger and worser
new bad guys.
Why would you need to
grow so many bad guys?
For the money, you fool.
I'll auction my bad guys army
off to the highest bidder,
and he can do with them
whatever he wishes.
And the best part is, Axe
Cop is helping me to do it.
Oh no, Axe Cop.
But there is one
problem, you see.
The bad guys we grow
are just too bad.
What the heck?
Oh, that's too bad.
I guess it was all just
a waste of time then.
It was a waste of time...
until you showed up.
- You don't say?
- To make the perfect bad guy,
you need a little bit of a good guy.
A little bit of flute guy.
Guards, grab him!
- Hey!
- Whoa!
Ooh! Oh, my flute!
Huh? Flute Cop's in trouble.
Wexter!
Well, hello.
Supposedly my last
crop of bad guys
was prone to turning
on their masters.
Today, I am proud to
announce we are the first
and only bad guys greenery
to fertilize their product
with the rare loyalty gene
from Axe Cop loyal
partner, the Flute Cop.
Allow me to demonstrate.
- Bad guy, how are you feeling?
- Loyal.
- Tell my friends what you want to do.
- Whatever my master tells me.
To be a great bad guy you need
a little good guy inside you.
I will open the bidding for
bad guy army at... $1.
- $1 - $1. $5?
- $5.
- I bid $10.
- $10 to the man in the hat.
- I bid $200.
$200?
My dear sir, I hope
you understand
- that every bid is taken very seriously.
- I'm always serious.
Axe Cop?
- Axe Cop!
- This is perfect.
A live demonstration.
Loyal bad guy people,
kill Axe Cop.
No.
What? Why are you not
killing Axe Cop?
You forgot the most
important thing:
Flute Cop is only loyal to me,
and now so are your
bad guy plant people.
Bad guy plant people...
- Huh?
- Attack all the bad guy bosses!
No! No! You are ruin everything!
You are mad!
The evil Warden's head;
going once, going twice!
And chopped by the
gentleman with the axe.
Well, I guess we should
start rehabilitating
these bad guy plants into
contributing members of society.
I have a better idea.
- Bad guy plant army.
- Huh?
Kill each other.
Our job here is done, Flute Cop.
I've got to get back to prison.
It's Friday.
And on Friday, it's
parole hearing day.
Parole is granted. Congratulations,
you are free to go.
- Yeah, I'm free to go!
- Wrong!
You're free to die.
- What are we gonna do?
I'm going to go back in
time and get Ice Vikings.
Watch out!
Ice Viking horns
freeze acid goo.
Once Goo-rilla is frozen I
will chop his head off.
Viking Cop!
Sven, Svoren, Svaaren, Vjorgen,
Senja, Rintamaiki, attack!
Axe Cop, you've broken every
normal cop rule in the book.
Oh, come on, Axe Cop
just defeated Goo-rilla
and saved everybody.
Be that as it may, the normal
cop rules are as follows:
only use a gun, no
going back in time,
no inviting Ice Vikings to our
time and absolutely no axes!
Cuff him, boys.
One day, at the
scene of the fire,
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Hey, look!
The new fish is Axe Cop.
- Hello, Warden.
- Hmm...
the one and only Axe
Cop, here in my prison.
Take a look around.
Tell me what you see.
- Bad guys.
- Right. Shoo.
Bad guys with their
heads still on.
Now I'm a man of the law.
I can't do much
about their heads,
but maybe you have
some ideas, hm?
Have fun, Axe Cop.
Hey, I'm free! I'm free!
- What?
- Oh my gosh, Axe Cop.
I'm so sorry this
is taking so long.
There's so much red tape
bureaucracy with normal justice.
But know this, I am your loyal
partner and I'm going to
get you out of here before
you can finish the alphabet.
- I'm never leaving here.
- Axe Cop, don't give up so soon.
I know it seems bleak, but
we're pooling all our money
to get you out.
I even dipped into
Uni-Baby's college fund.
Please don't tell the missus.
But I don't want to leave.
Prison is the best!
Monday is gym day.
The bad guys get to exercise
and I chop their heads off.
Tuesday is movie day.
The bad guys get to watch movies
and I chop their heads off.
Wednesday is game day.
- Duck, duck...
- The bad guys get to play games...
- Shh... Chop!
- And I chop their heads off.
Thursday is family day.
Well, you get the idea.
Axe Cop, does the Warden
know you're doing this?
Yes, the Warden loves it.
He does? I don't know, Axe Cop,
something about this
sounds really suspicious.
- Hey, visiting hours are over.
- Bye.
What's wrong with you, Greg?
If we damage these heads
we're gonna end up in
one of these crates.
Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have snapped at you, man.
I just never been around
so much death before.
Yeah, let's go get some mops
and clean this mess up.
Bad guy heads?
What are these guys doing
with all of these?
- Load 'em up!
- Oh!
You did good today, Axe Cop.
We got truckloads of new bad
guys coming in tomorrow,
so get a good night's sleep.
Lights out.
What the heck?
Oh, no. They're
growing bad guys.
Oh, no no.
Shh, shh, come on, little guy.
Shh, shh.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
Oh, no, no. Shh, shh!
Well, hello. You must
be the Flute Cop,
Axe Cop's loyal partner.
Allow me to show you around
my bad guys greenery.
Now? Uh, okay.
When a child is born,
no one knows if he's gonna
be a good guy or a bad guy.
What I've done here is taken
that uncertainty and crushed it.
For every one bad guy's head I
plant, I can grow a thousand
stronger and worser
new bad guys.
Why would you need to
grow so many bad guys?
For the money, you fool.
I'll auction my bad guys army
off to the highest bidder,
and he can do with them
whatever he wishes.
And the best part is, Axe
Cop is helping me to do it.
Oh no, Axe Cop.
But there is one
problem, you see.
The bad guys we grow
are just too bad.
What the heck?
Oh, that's too bad.
I guess it was all just
a waste of time then.
It was a waste of time...
until you showed up.
- You don't say?
- To make the perfect bad guy,
you need a little bit of a good guy.
A little bit of flute guy.
Guards, grab him!
- Hey!
- Whoa!
Ooh! Oh, my flute!
Huh? Flute Cop's in trouble.
Wexter!
Well, hello.
Supposedly my last
crop of bad guys
was prone to turning
on their masters.
Today, I am proud to
announce we are the first
and only bad guys greenery
to fertilize their product
with the rare loyalty gene
from Axe Cop loyal
partner, the Flute Cop.
Allow me to demonstrate.
- Bad guy, how are you feeling?
- Loyal.
- Tell my friends what you want to do.
- Whatever my master tells me.
To be a great bad guy you need
a little good guy inside you.
I will open the bidding for
bad guy army at... $1.
- $1 - $1. $5?
- $5.
- I bid $10.
- $10 to the man in the hat.
- I bid $200.
$200?
My dear sir, I hope
you understand
- that every bid is taken very seriously.
- I'm always serious.
Axe Cop?
- Axe Cop!
- This is perfect.
A live demonstration.
Loyal bad guy people,
kill Axe Cop.
No.
What? Why are you not
killing Axe Cop?
You forgot the most
important thing:
Flute Cop is only loyal to me,
and now so are your
bad guy plant people.
Bad guy plant people...
- Huh?
- Attack all the bad guy bosses!
No! No! You are ruin everything!
You are mad!
The evil Warden's head;
going once, going twice!
And chopped by the
gentleman with the axe.
Well, I guess we should
start rehabilitating
these bad guy plants into
contributing members of society.
I have a better idea.
- Bad guy plant army.
- Huh?
Kill each other.
Our job here is done, Flute Cop.
I've got to get back to prison.
It's Friday.
And on Friday, it's
parole hearing day.
Parole is granted. Congratulations,
you are free to go.
- Yeah, I'm free to go!
- Wrong!
You're free to die.