Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 2, Episode 1 - Night Mission: The Moon - full transcript
What the heck?
No! No!
One day, at the
scene of the fire,
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Here comes the giant dinosaur
with food for the little baby.
Mmm.
- What was that?
- I better take a look.
Here, take your flute.
Axe Cop, what are
you doing here?
- You're making a mess!
- The head trash at the station was full.
Axe Cop, come in.
This is the chief of
the normal police.
What?
There's a Vampire Man baby
kid terrorizing the city.
Sounds good. Okay, bye.
See you later, Flute Cop.
I have to go on an
important night mission.
Hey, Axe Cop, maybe I can
tag along on this one?
What do you say?
Fine, just this once. Let's go!
Wexter!
All right, my first
night mission!
Anita, can you run
Uni-Baby a bath?
I'll be home in a
couple of hours!
Vampire Man baby kid is
moving North on Columbus
through the Crosstown Bridge,
making his way past the museum
and, uh... Wait, I
lost him somehow.
- Fly home!
- Who was that?
It was Axe Cop and Flute Cop!
We saved you and you're welcome!
What are you doing?
On night missions,
- you have to stay in the shadows.
- Oh, right. Yes, sorry.
Like this? Can you see me?
Hold him still, Flute Cop.
- I'll chop your head...
- No, Axe Cop, wait.
- Don't chop his head off!
- What?
On night missions, I always
chop off bad guys' heads.
Get with the program, Flute Cop!
But he's not trying
to bite my neck.
- He's trying to tell me a secret.
- A secret?
Vampire Man baby kid is saying
that he used to be a
normal happy baby
who lived with his parents
inside of the Moon.
Don't you mean on the Moon?
Nope. He's saying
inside the Moon.
Good morning, sweetie.
Say hi to daddy.
His father was a vampire.
His job was to protect the dial that
controls the phases of the Moon.
Protect it from who?
From the moon people, who
are normally very weak.
But if the dial was ever
stuck on a super Moon,
they would all turn into super
werewolves and attack Earth.
They were a perfect happy family
until one day his parents
got into a fight.
- What was their fight about?
- He says he doesn't know.
I mean, he's just a baby. He
doesn't pick up on nuances.
So his father got so mad, he
tried to bite his mother.
And then this little
peanut right here...
jumped in the way to save her
and was bitten by accident.
Go get help, Vampire
Man baby kid!
- Axe Cop, we need to go to the Moon.
- Not a chance!
I don't help babies,
especially on night missions!
I should never have brought
you along, Flute Cop.
But you did, buddy, and I
love babies, you know that.
I vote we help the
little guy save his mom
from his evil vampire father.
What do you say?
Hmm, I always have wanted
to kill an evil vampire.
- Now we're talking!
- But if we're going to fight on the Moon,
we're going to need upgrades.
All right! Where do
you get upgrades?
- The weapons store.
- Great, where is it?
The woods.
- Oh, no one's here.
- Wrong.
Hyah!
- What the heck?
- You are Bear Cop now.
Oh great. What's your upgrade?
I don't need one. I'm
already perfect.
Now go try out your moves
on those evil lumberjacks.
What? What evil lumberjacks?
Whoa!
Oh! Huh?
You are now Spider Bear Cop!
Finish them!
Yeah, that's right.
Now it's time to go
kill an evil vampire.
- And save this baby's mom!
- Wexter!
All right, Wexter
got us on the Moon,
now use your spider
leg bear claws
- to get us in the Moon.
- Not a problem with these puppies.
Let me just dig in.
Oh no, moon people.
We don't have to
worry about them.
The Moon's not a super
moon, so they're weak.
Look! That must be the
tower where Vampire Man
baby kid's mom is
being held prisoner.
Now let's go kill an evil
vampire, Spider Bear Cop!
Please let me out of this cage.
Never! You lied to me!
Set her free, evil vampire!
We can do this the hard
way or the sharp way.
My baby!
I knew you'd come back for me.
- Now kill your father!
- No, that's my job.
No, she's the bad guy, not me.
He's crazy! Don't listen to him!
I saved you!
- Mama!
- No no no no no, not now.
Mommy's got something she's
been waiting a long time to do.
Don't let her touch
that moon dial!
She's gonna use it
to attack Earth!
- That's right!
- Wait. What?
I only married this vampire to get
close enough to his moon dial.
Every second of the day,
he never stopped working,
but one night around
dinner time...
I had my chance.
Honey, can you get that?
I'm in the middle of
changing our baby.
It's just a couple of seconds.
What could happen?
There was no one there.
What the heck?
Wha... What are you doing?
You're a moon person. Our
whole life has been a lie!
You just wanted to
touch that moon dial!
Please don't bite me!
And that's when he
accidentally bit our son
and turned him into
this disgusting thing.
- Mama.
- But you didn't understand.
You thought I was the good guy,
because you're just a baby,
and babies are dumb.
Well, she's right about that.
And now all my moon people
will be able to change
into their true form...
super werewolves.
Now me and my super werewolf
brothers and sisters
are going to attack Earth.
The dial... it's broken.
I can't turn it back.
- What are we gonna do?
- There is only one way
to stop the super werewolves
from destroying Earth.
We have to blow up the Moon.
But how? There aren't
any bombs on the Moon.
The Moon has a
self-destruct button.
That's super convenient.
Where is it?
- Inside of me.
- But if we activate it,
- you'll die along with the Moon.
- Father!
It's our only option. I
knew this day would come,
because why else would there be
a button inside me
to blow up the Moon?
This is my destiny.
Goodbye, son.
I love you.
It is time, Axe Cop.
The only way to activate
the self-destruct button
inside of me is
to karate kick me
- in the chest... really hard.
- Okay.
Hyah!
Don't worry, Vampire
Man baby kid.
I will adopt you and I
will raise you as my own.
The Moon will self-destruct
in 10, nine, eight...
We're done here.
Two, one.
Wexter!
What the heck?!
Oh no!
Whoo! Not too shabby for my
first night mission, huh?
I'm proud of myself.
Oh hey, there's my house. Can you
just drop us off right there?
My pleasure.
♪ And so we are one
big happy family ♪
♪ Of a bunch of people who
are not blood relatives ♪
♪ We just happen to be living
under the same roof. ♪
Dada!
No! No!
One day, at the
scene of the fire,
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Here comes the giant dinosaur
with food for the little baby.
Mmm.
- What was that?
- I better take a look.
Here, take your flute.
Axe Cop, what are
you doing here?
- You're making a mess!
- The head trash at the station was full.
Axe Cop, come in.
This is the chief of
the normal police.
What?
There's a Vampire Man baby
kid terrorizing the city.
Sounds good. Okay, bye.
See you later, Flute Cop.
I have to go on an
important night mission.
Hey, Axe Cop, maybe I can
tag along on this one?
What do you say?
Fine, just this once. Let's go!
Wexter!
All right, my first
night mission!
Anita, can you run
Uni-Baby a bath?
I'll be home in a
couple of hours!
Vampire Man baby kid is
moving North on Columbus
through the Crosstown Bridge,
making his way past the museum
and, uh... Wait, I
lost him somehow.
- Fly home!
- Who was that?
It was Axe Cop and Flute Cop!
We saved you and you're welcome!
What are you doing?
On night missions,
- you have to stay in the shadows.
- Oh, right. Yes, sorry.
Like this? Can you see me?
Hold him still, Flute Cop.
- I'll chop your head...
- No, Axe Cop, wait.
- Don't chop his head off!
- What?
On night missions, I always
chop off bad guys' heads.
Get with the program, Flute Cop!
But he's not trying
to bite my neck.
- He's trying to tell me a secret.
- A secret?
Vampire Man baby kid is saying
that he used to be a
normal happy baby
who lived with his parents
inside of the Moon.
Don't you mean on the Moon?
Nope. He's saying
inside the Moon.
Good morning, sweetie.
Say hi to daddy.
His father was a vampire.
His job was to protect the dial that
controls the phases of the Moon.
Protect it from who?
From the moon people, who
are normally very weak.
But if the dial was ever
stuck on a super Moon,
they would all turn into super
werewolves and attack Earth.
They were a perfect happy family
until one day his parents
got into a fight.
- What was their fight about?
- He says he doesn't know.
I mean, he's just a baby. He
doesn't pick up on nuances.
So his father got so mad, he
tried to bite his mother.
And then this little
peanut right here...
jumped in the way to save her
and was bitten by accident.
Go get help, Vampire
Man baby kid!
- Axe Cop, we need to go to the Moon.
- Not a chance!
I don't help babies,
especially on night missions!
I should never have brought
you along, Flute Cop.
But you did, buddy, and I
love babies, you know that.
I vote we help the
little guy save his mom
from his evil vampire father.
What do you say?
Hmm, I always have wanted
to kill an evil vampire.
- Now we're talking!
- But if we're going to fight on the Moon,
we're going to need upgrades.
All right! Where do
you get upgrades?
- The weapons store.
- Great, where is it?
The woods.
- Oh, no one's here.
- Wrong.
Hyah!
- What the heck?
- You are Bear Cop now.
Oh great. What's your upgrade?
I don't need one. I'm
already perfect.
Now go try out your moves
on those evil lumberjacks.
What? What evil lumberjacks?
Whoa!
Oh! Huh?
You are now Spider Bear Cop!
Finish them!
Yeah, that's right.
Now it's time to go
kill an evil vampire.
- And save this baby's mom!
- Wexter!
All right, Wexter
got us on the Moon,
now use your spider
leg bear claws
- to get us in the Moon.
- Not a problem with these puppies.
Let me just dig in.
Oh no, moon people.
We don't have to
worry about them.
The Moon's not a super
moon, so they're weak.
Look! That must be the
tower where Vampire Man
baby kid's mom is
being held prisoner.
Now let's go kill an evil
vampire, Spider Bear Cop!
Please let me out of this cage.
Never! You lied to me!
Set her free, evil vampire!
We can do this the hard
way or the sharp way.
My baby!
I knew you'd come back for me.
- Now kill your father!
- No, that's my job.
No, she's the bad guy, not me.
He's crazy! Don't listen to him!
I saved you!
- Mama!
- No no no no no, not now.
Mommy's got something she's
been waiting a long time to do.
Don't let her touch
that moon dial!
She's gonna use it
to attack Earth!
- That's right!
- Wait. What?
I only married this vampire to get
close enough to his moon dial.
Every second of the day,
he never stopped working,
but one night around
dinner time...
I had my chance.
Honey, can you get that?
I'm in the middle of
changing our baby.
It's just a couple of seconds.
What could happen?
There was no one there.
What the heck?
Wha... What are you doing?
You're a moon person. Our
whole life has been a lie!
You just wanted to
touch that moon dial!
Please don't bite me!
And that's when he
accidentally bit our son
and turned him into
this disgusting thing.
- Mama.
- But you didn't understand.
You thought I was the good guy,
because you're just a baby,
and babies are dumb.
Well, she's right about that.
And now all my moon people
will be able to change
into their true form...
super werewolves.
Now me and my super werewolf
brothers and sisters
are going to attack Earth.
The dial... it's broken.
I can't turn it back.
- What are we gonna do?
- There is only one way
to stop the super werewolves
from destroying Earth.
We have to blow up the Moon.
But how? There aren't
any bombs on the Moon.
The Moon has a
self-destruct button.
That's super convenient.
Where is it?
- Inside of me.
- But if we activate it,
- you'll die along with the Moon.
- Father!
It's our only option. I
knew this day would come,
because why else would there be
a button inside me
to blow up the Moon?
This is my destiny.
Goodbye, son.
I love you.
It is time, Axe Cop.
The only way to activate
the self-destruct button
inside of me is
to karate kick me
- in the chest... really hard.
- Okay.
Hyah!
Don't worry, Vampire
Man baby kid.
I will adopt you and I
will raise you as my own.
The Moon will self-destruct
in 10, nine, eight...
We're done here.
Two, one.
Wexter!
What the heck?!
Oh no!
Whoo! Not too shabby for my
first night mission, huh?
I'm proud of myself.
Oh hey, there's my house. Can you
just drop us off right there?
My pleasure.
♪ And so we are one
big happy family ♪
♪ Of a bunch of people who
are not blood relatives ♪
♪ We just happen to be living
under the same roof. ♪
Dada!