Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Dumb List - full transcript

Hey, Axe Cop, what are
your thoughts on mayonnaise?

I tried it once,

but didn't like it.

So I spit it in a bad guy's face
and he died.

Oh yeah.

Whoa! That sounded
exactly like giant rocks

being thrown at little kids.

Evil Rhino Man must be back
from his evil safari!

Let's go!

Move it, ladies!

We have an evil rhinoceros
to kill!



We * know *.

We want to help you on your mission
to kill evil Rhino Man.

Fabulous!
What's your name?

Our parents named us
all the same.

"Beautiful."

- "Girly."
"Bob."

Wait, hold on a second.

Your parents named you and all your
sisters "Beautiful Girly Bob"?

- Yeah. So can we be on the team?
- Nope!

See, right here,

all girls are on the dumb list.

Dumb list?
Well,

let's see if you think we're
so dumb after we beat you up!

Beautiful Girly Bobs,



attack!

Oh no,
those people just got video

- of you beating up all those girls.
- Great.

More fighting tapes
for me to watch later.

Now let's go kill
that evil rhinoceros!

Huh.

One day,
at the scene of the fire

the cop found the perfect axe.

That was the day he became

Axe Cop!

So he had tryouts
and hired a partner.

I will chop your heads off!

Axe Cop
01x12 - The Dumb List

- There he is!
- Axe Cop!

Look, they're all here
to congratulate me.

Yes, I killed
the evil Rhino Man.

How, you ask?
Simple.

I offered him a glass
of poison blow-up juice

and he drank it.
And after two minutes...

Well, he blew up.

That's when I
jumped up in the air

and caught his horn.
And yes, it's true,

his horn turns
all metal into gold.

- Questions?
- Axe Cop, is true that you have

a general disrespect towards women?

- What?
- Axe Cop, why did you beat up

a group of female
superhero sisters?

- Don't answer that, Axe Cop.
- Do you hate girls?

- We have no comment.
- Weren't they just trying to help?

- Hey, I just said no comment!
- Axe Cop, my daughter's a girl.

Do you think she's
on the dumb list too?

- Yes.
- Axe Cop, Axe Cop!

Hey, Axe Cop,
I hate to say it, but...

you're kinda coming off
like the bad guy here.

Me, a bad guy?

Don't even joke about something
like that, Flute Cop,

or I'll chop off your head.
Now quiet down,

I'm trying to watch
this gold TV.

Coming up this
season on "Fairy Wars,"

Best Fairy Ever

fights her evil twin sister

worst fairy ever

- to the death!
- It's true what they say:

Everything does look better
on a gold TV.

Seriously, Axe Cop,

bringing a girl onto the team
could go a long way

- to helping your image.
- Fine.

Really?
Great.

I'll have H.R. send over
some resumes.

I got a better idea.

Hey!

Hello.
You're on my team now.

Whaddaya think's
going on here, bro?

I mean, Axe Cop's not the kind
of guy to call a meeting.

Yeah, he hates meetings.

Maybe he's going to give
everyone free gelato.

That's ice cream for Italians.

Now I'm sure everyone
is wondering why Axe Cop

- called a team meeting.
- Please say free gelato.

- He has a big announcement to make.
- Please say free gelato!

Flute Cop said we need
to have a girl on the team.

- So here.
- Ho-ly cow.

Best Fairy Ever
from "Fairy Wars"!

I'm excited
to be on the team.

And I'm ready to kill
some bad guys.

Okay, great.
Meeting over.

I'll be in my office practicing
breaking out of chains,

- if anyone needs me.
- Wait wait, Axe Cop,

- where are you going?
- I have a question:

- I think you're awesome!
- Well, that's not really a question.

Dude, do you do all your
own stunts, 'cause, um,

my buddy Lliborg says it's all done
with pulleys and string.

You tell me.

Aw-aw-aw-awesome.

It's broken for sure.

Hey, Axe Cop.
I just wanted to say

how excited I am that you
brought me onto the team.

Mm, Flute Cop
made me do it.

So, uh, you have
any plans tonight?

At night I dress up as a cat

- and go on night missions.
- That sounds awesome.

- Hey, could I come along?
- No.

Now, for my favorite part
of being a jewel thief...

Trying on all
the stolen jewelry.

Ohhhh yeah.

Oh, beautiful.

Oh, gorgeous.

- I'll chop your head...
- Argh!

- What the heck?
- Cool, right?

I just flew in
through his nose

and punched out his brain
from the inside!

What are you doing here,
Best Fairy Ever?

I just thought we could get to
know each other a little bit.

Ugh.
I'm going home.

Rise and shine, Axe Cop!

- How did you get into my bedroom?
- I flew in through the keyhole.

I'm really good at fitting
into tight spaces.

What?

So, boss, what bad guys
are we killing today?

We are not
killing anyone today.

I have band practice.

You're in a band?
That's so cool.

I know.
That's why I'm in a band.

We're called The Axe.

I play my axe and I'm
obviously the lead singer.

Sockarang plays guitar.
Wexter plays violin.

- Grey Diamond is on bass.
- Um...

- What about Flute Cop?
- He's our manager.

We have a Chinese wrestler
on a bear to play flute.

I'm leaving now.

* yea-aaaah!

* chicken little, chicken little *

* thought the sky is
gonna fall down... *

Wow!
Axe Cop has a great voice.

Best in the business.

* Chicken little,
chicken little *

* thought the sky was
falling do-ooown. *

So, Axe Cop,
I've been thinking

and it's about time you started
calling me your girlfriend.

What are you talking about,
Best Fairy Ever?

I like you and it's pretty clear
you like me too.

Why would you
think that?

I've been very mean
to you since we met.

Exactly!

My fairy parents always told me
that when a boy is mean to you,

it really means
that he likes you.

And you've been so mean that I think it's
pretty obvious that you're in love with me.

- It's almost embarrassing.
- Best Fairy Ever,

I'm going to say this loudly because
I want it to be very clear.

You're a girl
and girls are dumb!

And Axe Cop would never
fall in love with a dumb person!

Now go back into that TV
and leave me alone forever!

Hey-oh!

Gold. Gold gold gold.

Gold. Gold.
Gold. Gold.

Come in, Axe Cop!

Make it quick, Flute Cop.

I'm turning everything
in my house gold.

- Go to your TV.
- Why?

- I already turned it gold.
- One of the Beautiful Girly Bob sisters

has kidnapped Best Fairy Ever

and has locked her in a birdcage

and is lowering her
into a pit of acid sharks.

Oh, God, why did you have
to make sharks so evil?

Great. Now she can't ruin any more
band practices and night missions.

Axe Cop, like it or not,
she's a member of the team now.

Go inside the TV
and save Best Fairy Ever!

Wait, if I save
Best Fairy Ever,

- I'll be on TV?
- Well... yeah!

Axe Cop, you still there?

Hey, Flute Cop,
call everyone I know

- and tell them I'm on TV.
- Anita, grab some popcorn!

Axe Cop is on television!

Let me out!

Axe Cop said girls
weren't allowed on his team.

And if we can't be
on his team,

then no girl
can be on his team.

Stop it right there,
Beautiful Girly Bob.

Axe Cop?
You came back to save me!

- I knew you loved me!
- Oh, this is perfect.

Right after I kill your girlfriend,
I'm going to kill you.

She is
not my girlfriend!

Stop. Stop.

What are you laughing at?

You can't beat up a girl
on national television.

I know. But she can!
Rah!

- Ha!
- Bring it!

Ha!

Hyah!

Best Fairy Ever,
you can't kill her.

She's not evil.
She's just a girl.

Fine.

Yah!

I never thought I'd say this
to a girl before,

but good job.

I'm glad Flute Cop
made me hire you.

Axe Cop, I love you too.

Ugh, gross.

He looks, like, 15 lbs heavier.
It's true what they say.

* Chicken little was
a little chicken! *

* That was small
and so young! *

* When the sky
was falling... *

Voice like an angel.