Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 1, Episode 7 - No More Bad Guys - full transcript

Babies are dumb.

Anita says I need to spend
more time with Uni-baby.

Plus, she can be super
helpful around the office.

Check this out.

I wish for my cold coffee
to be hot coffee.

Mmm.
Hot coffee.

- Amazing, right?
- I wasn't looking.

I was updating the list
of all bad guys on earth,

And there is only one
bad guy left to kill.

Really?
When did this happen?

Last night, when I killed
7,000 bad guys.



Oh no.

Now we'll be out of work.

Axe Cop, what are we
gonna do for money?

Guys, we could get jobs
at Tom's Fruit Stand.

I'm best friends with Tom,
the owner.

He lets me call him Thomas.

Axe Cop,

This is the chief of the normal police.
We need your help.

There's a giant robot
destroying the city.

This giant robot wouldn't happen
to be named Psydrozon, would it?

Yes.
Yes, it is.

Perfect.

One day,
at the scene of the fire

The cop found the perfect axe.



That was the day he became

Axe Cop!

So he had tryouts
and hired a partner.

I will chop your heads off!

Axe Cop - 01x07
No More Bad Guys

There he is.

Whoa, hold the phone.

What kind of swords are those?

Dino-swords.

We're getting out of here!

This ain't a job
for normal cops.

I'll chop your evil
dinosaur heads off!

Oh no!
I got dinosaur blood on me.

Aw, are you kidding me?
I'm a dinosaur now?

I'm going to call you
Dinosaur Soldier.

Axe Cop!
The laser.

Move!

No no, whoa, no no!

No! Uni-baby!

I did it.

I killed everyone
on the bad guy list.

Uni-baby,
you're alive.

Uh-oh,
where's her horn?

Oh man.
Anita's gonna kill me.

Axe Cop, you gotta help me
look for Uni-baby's horn.

No time, Dinosaur Soldier.

We need to see if this
thing can do stunts.

Look, roundhouse.

I wish to be a bad guy.

Flute Cop, Uni-baby,
how was your day together...

Oh my gosh.
Where's her horn?!

Uh, where's her horn?

It was just her baby horn
and it fell out.

That must mean her
adult horn is coming in, huh?

Or the truth... is...

Axe Cop threw her at a giant robot
and it fell off.

I... looked for the horn,
and I just couldn't find it.

Look, you're a father now.

And I can't always be worried
if or... what

- you're going to come home as.
- You noticed that, huh?

I can't do this anymore,
Dinosaur Soldier.

You don't have to.

We killed all the bad guys.
It's over.

We start our new jobs in the morning.
A whole new life starts tomorrow.

All right, here you go.
Two bananas.

Yo, dudes. Who's hungry for apples,
because here's a bunch of them.

And where'd they come from?
Apple Planet. Boo-yah.

Axe Cop, can you help us out
with some of these customers?

Nope, I'm looking through
a book about gorillas.

Gorillas are awesome.

I bet they can
punch really hard.

Perfect.

I thought I'd miss killing
bad guys, but selling fruit,

it's pretty cool.

I'm going to call you
Avocado Soldier now.

Yeah, what's the deal here?

Why am I the only one
that turns into stuff?

You're not.
Look, I'm Axe Cop with lemon.

Hey, Axe Cop with lemon.
How much for a coconut?

Hey, Baby Man.
How's tricks?

Working at a fruit
stand now, eh?

Yeah.
Axe Cop killed all the bad guys.

Oh, did he?

All right.
I'll see you later.

- That guy is creepy.
- Yeah, no kidding, buddy.

Full grown man in a baby suit.

Next.

Three, four, five dollars.

Here's your cut, Axe Cop.

Axe Cop, you can look at
that list all night long,

but nothing's gonna change.

There are no more
bad guys on earth.

You'll get used to life
in the slow lane.

Uh, hey, bro.

You want to grab a mega-gulp
and ride the choo-choo train

at the Mexican
supermarket with me?

Mm, no.

Suit yourself, amigo.

All right.
See you in the morning.

"over"?

I knew it.

"Baby Man."

Honey, it's 5:30, and look
who's walking through the door.

You're an avocado now?

That's true,
but you're missing the point.

I'm safe and I'm home
early for game night.

When was the last time
that happened?

Well,

I guess you're right.
And truth be told,

I do like kissing an avocado way
more than I like kissing a dinosaur.

Come in, Avocado Soldier.

What?
What do you want, Axe Cop?

I... was right.

There is one more
bad guy on the list.

Baby Man.

What are you talking about, Axe Cop?

We all know that
Baby Man's a good guy.

Not anymore, he's not.

We're going on
a night mission to kill him.

I got a better
night mission for you.

Why don't you go home
and catch some zs?

Don't forget, you've got the opening
shift at the fruit stand tomorrow.

Smells like baby powder.

- Hey, Axe Cop.
- Baby Man.

Let's have a little play date.
Back at my... Baby Man cave.

No. I don't play or go
on dates with babies.

You know,
I really wish you would.

This was gonna be
my baby headquarters.

Bringing a certain
kind of sweet justice

that only a man with the power
of babies could provide.

- Do you understand what I'm saying?
- I'll chop your head off!

You see, ever since I was
a baby Baby Man,

I wanted to be on your team.

I watched all your
awesome fights

and I practiced all
your cool moves.

For my first birthday,
I even asked for an axe rattle.

Like an axe rattle
that a baby would have.

So you can imagine my excitement

when I finally heard you
were having tryouts.

I waited in line all month

just to show you my moves.

But you didn't care.

Babies are dumb.
Next!

You didn't even let me try out.

But now,

I'm going to make you watch me.

You ever listen to Rockin' Robin
on w.A.X.E. Radio?

No.

It's my personal favorite.

* Why I *
* Why I love you *

* You say we'll never part... *

* our life's complete *

* those are all
the 16 reasons *

* why I love you. *

Shake what your baby gave you.

I want to hear you say
baby's on the team.

Baby made it.
Baby Man made it on the team.

Say it.
I want to hear you say it.

- That tryout was gross.
- What? No no no no no.

No.

I wish for...

a rattlesnake.

Kill him.

To death.

Uno! Ha!

You didn't even say "uno,"
Avocado Soldier.

Pick seven.

Avocado Soldier,
are you even paying attention?

I'm sorry.

I just can't help but think
Axe Cop is in trouble.

But I thought you killed all the
bad guys on the bad guy list.

I thought so too.

But he said this thing
about Baby Man turning bad.

You know what?

I'm just gonna swing by
Baby Man's Baby Cave,

see if everything's okay.

Hey Axe Cop,

- can I be on your team?
- No, you can't.

'cause I'm such a big
mean stinky poopy pants.

Oh, that's okay.

'cause I'm gonna
kill you anyway.

Oh my God. I'm too late.
Axe Cop's dead.

- Yes, he is.
- Wait, what?

I let Baby Man kill me

so I could come back as a
ghost and untie myself.

Shh.

How are you alive?

I just tied you up
and killed you.

That's my "Let Yourself Die And
Turn Into A Ghost" Secret Attack!

Axe Cop, wait.

- Don't kill him.
- Why? Do you want to do it?

Can't you see? Deep down,
Baby Man's not a bad guy.

He's just a dumb guy.

Well, I guess I can't kill you.

I wish for Baby Man
to not be dumb anymore.

The power of evil is nothing

compared to the power
of the human spirit.

Hey, look at that.
Little Baby Man's a genius.

- Now, can I be on the team?
- Oh, I wish.

There's no more
bad guys for us to fight.

- Now that you're a good guy.
- What about aliens?

Did you...
kill all the aliens too?

Are all aliens good or bad?

I don't know. I think some
are good and some are bad,

just like people.

There's a huge grey area.

You know, it's not black
and white with aliens.

Then I wish for all aliens to be bad
so we can kill them.

- Now we're talking.
- Let's go.

Axe Cop, hold up. Umm, real quick.
Just a little favor.

Can you wish for me
to be Flute Cop again?

Sure, I wish for Avocado
Soldier to be a gorilla

with robo-gun fists
and a red bow tie!

No no no! Oh! What?!
I wanted to be normal.

But I wanted you to be better.

Hey everybody, look at me.
I'm riding a train.

And I gotta go to the bathroom.
Next stop, El Bano.

I've got dibs all night, dude.

Guess what? My friends are all
showing up in just a minute

and we're gonna see
how many grown-ups

can fit on this thing at once.