Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Launch Party - full transcript
Edmond and Nora prepare to launch the app; Wally's dinner date goes terribly awry.
Damn.
Internet's harsh.
Scrubbed 90%.
Oh, so close.
Oh, good, you're here.
So we're launching
Scrubr in a week.
What?!
Ugh, it's Tom.
Who's Tom?!
Our lead investor.
You met him.
Look, he's called six times
in the last 48 hours.
If he calls you, don't pick up.
Why are we launching
this in a week?
We need more coders.
Also, it's not even
testing efficiently.
Because we're running
out of money
and I may or may not
have told the investors
that we're 100% ready to go
and expecting a million
paid downloads on day one.
Why would you do that?
Because that's what
we do in Silicon Valley.
We move fast.
We break things.
We over-promise, over-deliver.
We fake it till we make it.
So conning. No, it's not conning.
It's not relevant
because I saved us
by calling in a favor
from very high up,
and I got us a meeting
with Jerry fucking Harrison.
No way.Yeah.
The guy with the hammer
with the big fruits?
Comes out with the overalls?
Nice ass. No, Gallagher?
Big ol' fatty? You're horny for Gallagher?
No, it's Jerry Harrison,
the messiah for millennial
tech-based marketing.
We're gonna go meet him tonight.
Here's his Insta.
Oh, cool.
He hangs out with Skrillex.
Yeah, and Martha Plimpton.
He's in Martha Plimpton's home.
Villa in Turks and Caicos.
I thought it was
"Keikos."
No.
Ugh, please tell me
that's not Tom.
No, it's Daniel, your doorman.
Daniel? My doorman?
Why's he calling you?
Because we recently connected.
He aged really hot.
And I need pussy!
Get outta here!
Oh, God.
Let me get my goddamn
game on. Shit.
I mean, I like Alice.
Just she has a lot
of breakdowns.
I don't like it when they cry.
All right, I'll see you
next week.
Oh, no, no, wait.
I made you something.
Wait. Oh.What?
Oh, cool!
A spoon!
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a deconstructed mirror.
It represents
the controlled chaos
I see in you.
Well, thanks.
Yeah.
Do you wanna go
on a date sometime?
I'm having rectal surgery
next week.
I'm kidding!
Is that a yes or a no? Yes, of course!
Okay.
Yo, yo, what up?!
Team Scrub-a-dub-dub
all up in my club!
This is business, baby!
Whoo!
Wow. Is this his office?
Whoop, whoop!
Team Scrubr in da hey-yo!
Jere, thank you so much
for meeting us.
Um, we just brought
some materials...
branding guidelines,
rough designs, and whatnot.
Okay, cool.
Let me see that.
Yeah!
Oh...
That's what I think of that.
Folks, this is the future.
Brand strategy, PR,
digital marketing...
none of it matters!
Unless you have the what?
The...
Hair.
Coping mechanism...
Dream, stupid.
Dream.Dream.
What is that?
Oh, this? This is my B12
supplement, yeah.Oh.
It's super healthy.
It's like great for my workouts.
It works faster if you snort it.
Oh!
Oh, cool, yeah.Yeah.
It's really good
for your fingernails.
Feel that in your hemorrhoids.
Right?
It's like almost like
a... gasoline element to it.
Oh, my God.
Then that's my coke.
I'm sorry.
This is my B12.
'Cause I usually use...
My bad, huh.
Hey, Corinna, this old lady
just snorted half of my coke.
Can I get some more?
Why are we here, Edmund?
I just did cocaine.
The tip of my nose is sweatin'.
Oh, yeah. Speeding.
Yeah!
Look, can you at least act
like you've been at
a marketing meeting before?
This guy's sleazy.
He's bullshittin' us.
And that was real cocaine!
I gotta go.
Oh, you're waddling.
Hey, where'd your aunt go?
Why does she sound
like Danny DeVito?
Oh, it's more of
a young Carol Channing.
She just went to the bathroom.
Well, that's gross.
Um, all right, listen.
The answer to all
your marketing needs...
is a giant newsworthy,
history-making party
this Saturday night.
Wait, this Saturday? Uh-huh.
I mean, that sounds great.
It just seems a little fast.
Let me tell you something.
We market Scrubr
to a demographic
of... of highly impressionable
yuppie millennials.
Dude, we're gonna break
the fucking matrix.
You are a genius.
Now let's talk about
the face of our product.
That would be Nora.
That's a terrible idea.
She's a hard four,
and I don't know
how to market that shit.
Good Lord!
Okay, just clean her up
for our audience.
And yeah, the clam
is ours for the suckin'.
You know what I mean?
Hey, Wally, do you have
any AA batteries?
What the heck?
Lewei's so lame.
Okay, Jerry, are you ready
to see the new Nora?
This is truly my best work.
Get out!
Thin-rimmed glasses,
side ponytail,
post-post-modern
Japanese turtleneck,
health goth sweatpants,
and nylon-sock shoes.
It's so tech, it's perfect.
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Wait...
Are you doing the, um...
the Elizabeth Holmes voice?
Ooh, my God,
that is such a great idea.
Edmund, great job, baby.
You know who else
did a great job?
Uh, me.
Check out this ad I made.
Behold, the Scrubr launch fest.
Hoo...
Wow, cronuts.
Dronuts.
They're cronuts
delivered by drones.
VIP tents and villas.
Oh, that one looks
like the Flintstone house.
Yeah, and all for
the small price of 45K.
A Lady Marmalade reunion?!
Oh, my God, Jerry,
this party's gonna be incredible.
I know.
Scrubr!
Jerry, I am so impressed,
I just took
a mocho-choco-lata-yaya
in my pants.
Did you come? Not really.
If we need to get this done
by Saturday, though,
we still have
a lot of work to do.
You lost your octave.
In order to accomplish
this by Saturday,
we have a lot of work
to do to pursue our mission
that we initially set forth.
Good, but you blinked
like five times.
Elizabeth Holmes never blinks.
I'll work on that.
Fuck!
30%.
Your tag is off right there.
No, it's not working!
No... It doesn't...
Incoming!
There's my Venus,
there's my fire.
Here I am, your desire.
Boom!
What do y'all think
of collapsible mansions?
Stadium seating.
Ice room.
Vodka luge.
Wow, Jerry, this is fantastic.
Um, so the code is still rough,
but it's getting there and...
Doesn't matter, okay?
We don't get downloads
by having a perfect product.
We get downloads
by marketing a perfect...
That's right. Thank you. Yes.
Edmund? What up, homes?
I don't feel good about this.
No. Stop. No, it's weird. It...
I'm stupid, but I know,
I know enough
that this is impossible.
He knows what
he's talking about.
Stop being difficult.
Look, he's wearing a Henley
and a Seersucker blazer,
he's a genius.
Okay, No-ra?
It's just Nora.
Got you an interview
with "Ferbes" magazine.
What is "Ferbes"?
Millennial "Forbes," yeah!
It's much more "audienced."
Man, they don't even
have a website.
They have a hashtag.
So where will
the interview be posted?
Nowhere. But everywhere, yeah.
But everywhere.
That's right.
Come on, bring it in.
Here, hook me up. No.Okay.
How are you enjoying your...
Death by Poison?
Yes, it's good.
It's good.
It's got root beer in it.
The pain!
Oh! But then,
oh, the freedom!
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I thought this was
gonna be a lot more,
you know, funny-scary,
not scary-scary.Yeah.
You're... you're not
having a good time.
No, I'm having fun.
It's just...
When I was a kid,
I got... I got...
I got trapped
in this haunted maze...
...for like 28 hours.
So it's a little triggering. Oh, no!
But it's okay. Maybe we could...
Oh! Sorry.
I'm sorry, I...
Oh, it's my mom.
She's called me like five times.
I'm sorry, I think
I better take this.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Mom, what's up?
Everything okay?
Where are you?
I... got a business thing.
Ha!
What was that?
Just, you know...
kids playing in the park.
Yeah!
Ma, don't worry about it.
I'll be home later. Bye.
Yeah!
Shit.
Winking rabbit giving
a thumbs-up sign.
Yeah!
Okay, this office
is fully amazing.
There's like Christmas stuff up.
There's like sports stuff up.
I love it, I love you.
You're dynamic.
I'm Justin Schultz Boudreau,
editor-in-chief
of "Ferbes" magazine.
The most famous people
in my phone
is currently a tie
between Billie Eilish
and Hillary Clinton.
I'm here with Nora Lin.
She's gonna tell me
all about Scrubr.
Here we go.
Oh, hi, Justin. Um...
Let me sell you a fantasy.
Imagine a world
where literally everyone
can exist free from memes
and online destruction.
Mm, amazing.
I love that
and I love your vision.
Thank you.
Let's blast it out right now.
Do you see it? No.
Whoa!
18,000 likes in an hour?!
Oh, this party's
gonna be awesome!
Should be right here.
Ohh!
We're fucked.
I need this curbside
in like 25 minutes.
So, yeah, this is
actually plugs...
Jerry! Jerry!...but this is real hair.
Yeah. This is a disaster.
The stage isn't even built.
Is Lady Marmalade even coming?
Trust me!
Yes, Lady Marm...
Are you thirsty?
I'm gonna get water.
You want water?
No. Shit, fuck.
Shit, fuck.
Shit, fuck, shit, fuck.
Hi, Tom. Is everything okay?
Yes, things are going great.
I cannot wait
to see you... tomorrow!
So you want us to like help
you build a gazebo?
Yes, that would be great.
We need 45 along this corridor
and then another 65
along this corridor.
Bruh, bruh, I couldn't build
a bear to save my life.
Wow. Yeah, um,
and I just got a mani, so...
Thank you and thank you.
You know what?
For nothing!
Hey, do you wanna go 69?
Word?
I'd love to.
You didn't even
hold hands right!
You goddamn traitors.
Yo, this is a mess.
Daniel, thank you
so much for coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No problem.
I'm just...
Oh, my God, I'm overheating.
Okay, all right.
Okay, just breathe.
Um, also, by the way,
you look great.
You look really good.
Last time, orange hair.
This time, you know, turtleneck.
Stop! Glasses, you look good.
I look like fucking
human shit right now.
That's... I need gazebos!
Uh, okay.45 along this corridor
and then another 65 there.
There should be directions.
I got you, I got you.
You can take your shirt... Yeah!
What?!
You're... you're so bad.
Stop!
Ooh, okay.
Are you gonna fuck my doorman?
Shut up, Edmund!
He's right there!
Yo, Edmund, what's up?
Hi... Daniel.
You got a package.
I don't know if you've ever
had a ride in a convertible.
I bought one
on my 40th birthday.
If you ever...
I'm allergic to too much air.
Yeah.
Oh. Hi.
Hey.
I'm... I'm sorry again... Wally!
Ma?
Is this rehab?
Oh, I knew you were on drugs.
What is it?
Meth, shrooms...? No. Ma!
Ice horse? Ma.
Crack dabs?
If you say opium... What?
...I will slap
the yellow out of you.
Ma! What are you
doing here?
I'm glad that
you're getting help
from all these other losers.
But why didn't you
come to mefirst?
Ma... this isn't rehab.
It's a support group
for single parents!
Oh, but you have
that weird spoon.
And the other night
with all that screaming.
I was on a date, okay?
With Brenda!
I thought we weren't
allowed to date in the group.
Oh, Toby... no.
Ma, Brenda gave me the spoon.
And it's not a spoon, all right?
It's a deep and meaningful
art piece
about self-expression
and quiet chaos!
Yes, thank you.
You're welcome.
So you're not on drugs?
No.
And I didn't tell you
about the date
because I knew
you would go crazy.
I'm not going crazy!
Hello.
Hi.
Are you divorced
or is your husband dead?
Uh... Oh, my God!
Feel free to talk
amongst yourselves.
I'm really sorry
about everything.
No.I...
I like you.
I like you.
Yeah?
I-I just want
a do-over, you know?
Let's do it, yeah.Okay.
The last few days
have been really hard
because my son is on drugs!
What's up, fam?
This is absolutely
Justin S.B. from "Ferbes."
And we're 'bout to hit up
the Scrubr launch party.
Okay, if you saw
this viral video,
then you know it's gonna be
absolutely spectacular.
And what is this?
Okay, absolutely not.
Let's go.
Torch it.
Get a photo of that sick girl.
Ha-ha-ha, welcome to Scrubr!
Um, where's the VIP tent?
Where's the bar?
When do the Ladies Marmalade
go on?
Uh-huh.
Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry!
Okay, so, um, we're leaving.
No. No-no-no. No, we're gonna turn
this around.
We can turn this around.
Stop! We can change it.
We can make it better.
We can make it good.
Justin?! Please? No, no. No!
There are no refunds!
Burn it down!
Edmund, I can't do this.
This isn't me.
I have to go.
Nora, come on, we're a team.
We have to stay.
Oh, God.
Oh, God...
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God...
Tom! Edmund!
What the hell is going on?
All right, Tom,
I'm gonna get real with you.
I never should have hired
that marketing idiot
to throw me this
bullshit launch party.
And I never should have
lied to you about
the money or the subscribers
or how successful I was...
or wasn't.Don't worry.
I still believe in you.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Oh!
Oh, it's over.
I'm done in Silicon Valley.
Don't say that, Edmund.
We promised a million users.
You know how many we got?
Eight!
I coded a genius app,
and only eight people
downloaded it!
You know, number eight
is a lucky number
for the Chinese.
Grandma, read the room!
We didn't make any money.
We're the laughing stock
of the Internet.
My pits stink!
And now no investor
will ever trust me ever again.
I'm here reporting live
from Flushing Meadows Park
from today's disastrous
launch party
for the new app Scrubr...
The hashtags PrayForFlushing,
FlushingStrong,
and ScrubrDisaster began
trending almost immediately...
Marketing guru Jerry Harrison
put the blame on Scrubr
cofounders Nora Lin
and Edmund Lin, who could not
be reached for comment.
Of course we can't be reached.
We've gone into hiding
forever!
Edmund?
You're gonna have a stroke.
Just chill out.
They apparently never even
secured a proper permit
for the event,
leading to what we've been told
will be thousands of dollars
in fines.
For New York News,
I'm Rosie Noesi.
It's happening.
What's happening?
Chinsent called.
They want to buy out Scrubr!
Dude, congrats.
Have a Kinder egg to celebrate.
No, listen, ya dumb.
It's not just me.
The wanna hire us. Why?
They saw Scrubr on the news,
and now they wanna
acqui-hire us...
acquire the tech and hire us.
Hey, what's going on?
Grandma, this huge
Chinese tech company
wants to buy out
all our investors,
pay all our fines,
and fly us to China,
put us up in capital "A"
apartments,
and then pay us more money
than we've ever made
in our entire lives!
Oh!
Scrubr is back,
honey! Gag!
Ah, China!
So exciting.
I've never even been
on a plane before.
Yeah, well, popping
your plane hymen
in first class
sounds pretty good, right?
No, that sounds disgusting.
But yes, yes!
So we're gonna live there?
Yeah, I literally
just explained it
to both of you.
I...
I left my country to go
to a land of opportunity.
Sounds like it's your turn.
We're going to China!
Curtain, end of act one
of "Wicked."
Who the is Awkwafina?
Internet's harsh.
Scrubbed 90%.
Oh, so close.
Oh, good, you're here.
So we're launching
Scrubr in a week.
What?!
Ugh, it's Tom.
Who's Tom?!
Our lead investor.
You met him.
Look, he's called six times
in the last 48 hours.
If he calls you, don't pick up.
Why are we launching
this in a week?
We need more coders.
Also, it's not even
testing efficiently.
Because we're running
out of money
and I may or may not
have told the investors
that we're 100% ready to go
and expecting a million
paid downloads on day one.
Why would you do that?
Because that's what
we do in Silicon Valley.
We move fast.
We break things.
We over-promise, over-deliver.
We fake it till we make it.
So conning. No, it's not conning.
It's not relevant
because I saved us
by calling in a favor
from very high up,
and I got us a meeting
with Jerry fucking Harrison.
No way.Yeah.
The guy with the hammer
with the big fruits?
Comes out with the overalls?
Nice ass. No, Gallagher?
Big ol' fatty? You're horny for Gallagher?
No, it's Jerry Harrison,
the messiah for millennial
tech-based marketing.
We're gonna go meet him tonight.
Here's his Insta.
Oh, cool.
He hangs out with Skrillex.
Yeah, and Martha Plimpton.
He's in Martha Plimpton's home.
Villa in Turks and Caicos.
I thought it was
"Keikos."
No.
Ugh, please tell me
that's not Tom.
No, it's Daniel, your doorman.
Daniel? My doorman?
Why's he calling you?
Because we recently connected.
He aged really hot.
And I need pussy!
Get outta here!
Oh, God.
Let me get my goddamn
game on. Shit.
I mean, I like Alice.
Just she has a lot
of breakdowns.
I don't like it when they cry.
All right, I'll see you
next week.
Oh, no, no, wait.
I made you something.
Wait. Oh.What?
Oh, cool!
A spoon!
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a deconstructed mirror.
It represents
the controlled chaos
I see in you.
Well, thanks.
Yeah.
Do you wanna go
on a date sometime?
I'm having rectal surgery
next week.
I'm kidding!
Is that a yes or a no? Yes, of course!
Okay.
Yo, yo, what up?!
Team Scrub-a-dub-dub
all up in my club!
This is business, baby!
Whoo!
Wow. Is this his office?
Whoop, whoop!
Team Scrubr in da hey-yo!
Jere, thank you so much
for meeting us.
Um, we just brought
some materials...
branding guidelines,
rough designs, and whatnot.
Okay, cool.
Let me see that.
Yeah!
Oh...
That's what I think of that.
Folks, this is the future.
Brand strategy, PR,
digital marketing...
none of it matters!
Unless you have the what?
The...
Hair.
Coping mechanism...
Dream, stupid.
Dream.Dream.
What is that?
Oh, this? This is my B12
supplement, yeah.Oh.
It's super healthy.
It's like great for my workouts.
It works faster if you snort it.
Oh!
Oh, cool, yeah.Yeah.
It's really good
for your fingernails.
Feel that in your hemorrhoids.
Right?
It's like almost like
a... gasoline element to it.
Oh, my God.
Then that's my coke.
I'm sorry.
This is my B12.
'Cause I usually use...
My bad, huh.
Hey, Corinna, this old lady
just snorted half of my coke.
Can I get some more?
Why are we here, Edmund?
I just did cocaine.
The tip of my nose is sweatin'.
Oh, yeah. Speeding.
Yeah!
Look, can you at least act
like you've been at
a marketing meeting before?
This guy's sleazy.
He's bullshittin' us.
And that was real cocaine!
I gotta go.
Oh, you're waddling.
Hey, where'd your aunt go?
Why does she sound
like Danny DeVito?
Oh, it's more of
a young Carol Channing.
She just went to the bathroom.
Well, that's gross.
Um, all right, listen.
The answer to all
your marketing needs...
is a giant newsworthy,
history-making party
this Saturday night.
Wait, this Saturday? Uh-huh.
I mean, that sounds great.
It just seems a little fast.
Let me tell you something.
We market Scrubr
to a demographic
of... of highly impressionable
yuppie millennials.
Dude, we're gonna break
the fucking matrix.
You are a genius.
Now let's talk about
the face of our product.
That would be Nora.
That's a terrible idea.
She's a hard four,
and I don't know
how to market that shit.
Good Lord!
Okay, just clean her up
for our audience.
And yeah, the clam
is ours for the suckin'.
You know what I mean?
Hey, Wally, do you have
any AA batteries?
What the heck?
Lewei's so lame.
Okay, Jerry, are you ready
to see the new Nora?
This is truly my best work.
Get out!
Thin-rimmed glasses,
side ponytail,
post-post-modern
Japanese turtleneck,
health goth sweatpants,
and nylon-sock shoes.
It's so tech, it's perfect.
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Wait...
Are you doing the, um...
the Elizabeth Holmes voice?
Ooh, my God,
that is such a great idea.
Edmund, great job, baby.
You know who else
did a great job?
Uh, me.
Check out this ad I made.
Behold, the Scrubr launch fest.
Hoo...
Wow, cronuts.
Dronuts.
They're cronuts
delivered by drones.
VIP tents and villas.
Oh, that one looks
like the Flintstone house.
Yeah, and all for
the small price of 45K.
A Lady Marmalade reunion?!
Oh, my God, Jerry,
this party's gonna be incredible.
I know.
Scrubr!
Jerry, I am so impressed,
I just took
a mocho-choco-lata-yaya
in my pants.
Did you come? Not really.
If we need to get this done
by Saturday, though,
we still have
a lot of work to do.
You lost your octave.
In order to accomplish
this by Saturday,
we have a lot of work
to do to pursue our mission
that we initially set forth.
Good, but you blinked
like five times.
Elizabeth Holmes never blinks.
I'll work on that.
Fuck!
30%.
Your tag is off right there.
No, it's not working!
No... It doesn't...
Incoming!
There's my Venus,
there's my fire.
Here I am, your desire.
Boom!
What do y'all think
of collapsible mansions?
Stadium seating.
Ice room.
Vodka luge.
Wow, Jerry, this is fantastic.
Um, so the code is still rough,
but it's getting there and...
Doesn't matter, okay?
We don't get downloads
by having a perfect product.
We get downloads
by marketing a perfect...
That's right. Thank you. Yes.
Edmund? What up, homes?
I don't feel good about this.
No. Stop. No, it's weird. It...
I'm stupid, but I know,
I know enough
that this is impossible.
He knows what
he's talking about.
Stop being difficult.
Look, he's wearing a Henley
and a Seersucker blazer,
he's a genius.
Okay, No-ra?
It's just Nora.
Got you an interview
with "Ferbes" magazine.
What is "Ferbes"?
Millennial "Forbes," yeah!
It's much more "audienced."
Man, they don't even
have a website.
They have a hashtag.
So where will
the interview be posted?
Nowhere. But everywhere, yeah.
But everywhere.
That's right.
Come on, bring it in.
Here, hook me up. No.Okay.
How are you enjoying your...
Death by Poison?
Yes, it's good.
It's good.
It's got root beer in it.
The pain!
Oh! But then,
oh, the freedom!
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I thought this was
gonna be a lot more,
you know, funny-scary,
not scary-scary.Yeah.
You're... you're not
having a good time.
No, I'm having fun.
It's just...
When I was a kid,
I got... I got...
I got trapped
in this haunted maze...
...for like 28 hours.
So it's a little triggering. Oh, no!
But it's okay. Maybe we could...
Oh! Sorry.
I'm sorry, I...
Oh, it's my mom.
She's called me like five times.
I'm sorry, I think
I better take this.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Mom, what's up?
Everything okay?
Where are you?
I... got a business thing.
Ha!
What was that?
Just, you know...
kids playing in the park.
Yeah!
Ma, don't worry about it.
I'll be home later. Bye.
Yeah!
Shit.
Winking rabbit giving
a thumbs-up sign.
Yeah!
Okay, this office
is fully amazing.
There's like Christmas stuff up.
There's like sports stuff up.
I love it, I love you.
You're dynamic.
I'm Justin Schultz Boudreau,
editor-in-chief
of "Ferbes" magazine.
The most famous people
in my phone
is currently a tie
between Billie Eilish
and Hillary Clinton.
I'm here with Nora Lin.
She's gonna tell me
all about Scrubr.
Here we go.
Oh, hi, Justin. Um...
Let me sell you a fantasy.
Imagine a world
where literally everyone
can exist free from memes
and online destruction.
Mm, amazing.
I love that
and I love your vision.
Thank you.
Let's blast it out right now.
Do you see it? No.
Whoa!
18,000 likes in an hour?!
Oh, this party's
gonna be awesome!
Should be right here.
Ohh!
We're fucked.
I need this curbside
in like 25 minutes.
So, yeah, this is
actually plugs...
Jerry! Jerry!...but this is real hair.
Yeah. This is a disaster.
The stage isn't even built.
Is Lady Marmalade even coming?
Trust me!
Yes, Lady Marm...
Are you thirsty?
I'm gonna get water.
You want water?
No. Shit, fuck.
Shit, fuck.
Shit, fuck, shit, fuck.
Hi, Tom. Is everything okay?
Yes, things are going great.
I cannot wait
to see you... tomorrow!
So you want us to like help
you build a gazebo?
Yes, that would be great.
We need 45 along this corridor
and then another 65
along this corridor.
Bruh, bruh, I couldn't build
a bear to save my life.
Wow. Yeah, um,
and I just got a mani, so...
Thank you and thank you.
You know what?
For nothing!
Hey, do you wanna go 69?
Word?
I'd love to.
You didn't even
hold hands right!
You goddamn traitors.
Yo, this is a mess.
Daniel, thank you
so much for coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No problem.
I'm just...
Oh, my God, I'm overheating.
Okay, all right.
Okay, just breathe.
Um, also, by the way,
you look great.
You look really good.
Last time, orange hair.
This time, you know, turtleneck.
Stop! Glasses, you look good.
I look like fucking
human shit right now.
That's... I need gazebos!
Uh, okay.45 along this corridor
and then another 65 there.
There should be directions.
I got you, I got you.
You can take your shirt... Yeah!
What?!
You're... you're so bad.
Stop!
Ooh, okay.
Are you gonna fuck my doorman?
Shut up, Edmund!
He's right there!
Yo, Edmund, what's up?
Hi... Daniel.
You got a package.
I don't know if you've ever
had a ride in a convertible.
I bought one
on my 40th birthday.
If you ever...
I'm allergic to too much air.
Yeah.
Oh. Hi.
Hey.
I'm... I'm sorry again... Wally!
Ma?
Is this rehab?
Oh, I knew you were on drugs.
What is it?
Meth, shrooms...? No. Ma!
Ice horse? Ma.
Crack dabs?
If you say opium... What?
...I will slap
the yellow out of you.
Ma! What are you
doing here?
I'm glad that
you're getting help
from all these other losers.
But why didn't you
come to mefirst?
Ma... this isn't rehab.
It's a support group
for single parents!
Oh, but you have
that weird spoon.
And the other night
with all that screaming.
I was on a date, okay?
With Brenda!
I thought we weren't
allowed to date in the group.
Oh, Toby... no.
Ma, Brenda gave me the spoon.
And it's not a spoon, all right?
It's a deep and meaningful
art piece
about self-expression
and quiet chaos!
Yes, thank you.
You're welcome.
So you're not on drugs?
No.
And I didn't tell you
about the date
because I knew
you would go crazy.
I'm not going crazy!
Hello.
Hi.
Are you divorced
or is your husband dead?
Uh... Oh, my God!
Feel free to talk
amongst yourselves.
I'm really sorry
about everything.
No.I...
I like you.
I like you.
Yeah?
I-I just want
a do-over, you know?
Let's do it, yeah.Okay.
The last few days
have been really hard
because my son is on drugs!
What's up, fam?
This is absolutely
Justin S.B. from "Ferbes."
And we're 'bout to hit up
the Scrubr launch party.
Okay, if you saw
this viral video,
then you know it's gonna be
absolutely spectacular.
And what is this?
Okay, absolutely not.
Let's go.
Torch it.
Get a photo of that sick girl.
Ha-ha-ha, welcome to Scrubr!
Um, where's the VIP tent?
Where's the bar?
When do the Ladies Marmalade
go on?
Uh-huh.
Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry!
Okay, so, um, we're leaving.
No. No-no-no. No, we're gonna turn
this around.
We can turn this around.
Stop! We can change it.
We can make it better.
We can make it good.
Justin?! Please? No, no. No!
There are no refunds!
Burn it down!
Edmund, I can't do this.
This isn't me.
I have to go.
Nora, come on, we're a team.
We have to stay.
Oh, God.
Oh, God...
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God...
Tom! Edmund!
What the hell is going on?
All right, Tom,
I'm gonna get real with you.
I never should have hired
that marketing idiot
to throw me this
bullshit launch party.
And I never should have
lied to you about
the money or the subscribers
or how successful I was...
or wasn't.Don't worry.
I still believe in you.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Oh!
Oh, it's over.
I'm done in Silicon Valley.
Don't say that, Edmund.
We promised a million users.
You know how many we got?
Eight!
I coded a genius app,
and only eight people
downloaded it!
You know, number eight
is a lucky number
for the Chinese.
Grandma, read the room!
We didn't make any money.
We're the laughing stock
of the Internet.
My pits stink!
And now no investor
will ever trust me ever again.
I'm here reporting live
from Flushing Meadows Park
from today's disastrous
launch party
for the new app Scrubr...
The hashtags PrayForFlushing,
FlushingStrong,
and ScrubrDisaster began
trending almost immediately...
Marketing guru Jerry Harrison
put the blame on Scrubr
cofounders Nora Lin
and Edmund Lin, who could not
be reached for comment.
Of course we can't be reached.
We've gone into hiding
forever!
Edmund?
You're gonna have a stroke.
Just chill out.
They apparently never even
secured a proper permit
for the event,
leading to what we've been told
will be thousands of dollars
in fines.
For New York News,
I'm Rosie Noesi.
It's happening.
What's happening?
Chinsent called.
They want to buy out Scrubr!
Dude, congrats.
Have a Kinder egg to celebrate.
No, listen, ya dumb.
It's not just me.
The wanna hire us. Why?
They saw Scrubr on the news,
and now they wanna
acqui-hire us...
acquire the tech and hire us.
Hey, what's going on?
Grandma, this huge
Chinese tech company
wants to buy out
all our investors,
pay all our fines,
and fly us to China,
put us up in capital "A"
apartments,
and then pay us more money
than we've ever made
in our entire lives!
Oh!
Scrubr is back,
honey! Gag!
Ah, China!
So exciting.
I've never even been
on a plane before.
Yeah, well, popping
your plane hymen
in first class
sounds pretty good, right?
No, that sounds disgusting.
But yes, yes!
So we're gonna live there?
Yeah, I literally
just explained it
to both of you.
I...
I left my country to go
to a land of opportunity.
Sounds like it's your turn.
We're going to China!
Curtain, end of act one
of "Wicked."
Who the is Awkwafina?