Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Grandma & Chill - full transcript
Grandma tells Nora the story of how she met her husband in the style of a Korean drama.
Don't lie to me!
Why were you looking at her?
You know I care about you.
You all right, bao bao?
Yes, I'm recovering.
I don't need any Chinese medicine.
I make you some soup!
Oh, cool.
Yeah, with Chinese
yams and ramen.
It's good for you.
And it's good for your skin.
Uh, you know what?
I'm doing good for right now.
'Cause I have Amer... I have
American stuff, thanks.
What are you watching? "Love Island."
It's episode 48 of 52,
season three.
Oh my God... what?
Those people are gutter trash.
Hey! Hey!
Wha... wha... Grandma!
You're never gonna get better
by being on the phone
all the time.
My life is
really hard right now.
Can you give me my phone please?
You wanna hear
about a hard life?
Let me tell you a story.
From, like, orally?
Like an oral story?
It's the true story
about how your Grandma
met your Grandpa.
Um, do I... I'm good
for now, or...
Let's do this!
Oh, oh, no.
Is this gonna be like
one of those Korean dramas?
You know it.
What?! That...
that's my title card?
Why do you gotta put
my title card like that?
Ah! They didn't
put my real name!
Wait, wait-wait-wait.
That's supposed to be you?
Grandma, you were hot
and five-foot-ten?
Yeah, and I'm still hot.
Anyways, the story begins
back on my family's estate
in rural China.
It was 1965.
My family was wealthy.
So I spent my days doing
what all rich girls
like to do in 1965.
Sit under a parasol
and stare at things
for a long time.
It was nice to be rich.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Chen.
You spoke English?
I spoke Chinese,
but I'm translating
to make it easier for you.
O... okay.
Life was good, until one day
our garbage man...
...dropped dead.
Oh, shit!
Oh, it's okay.
Because he was immediately
replaced by...
♪ Ooh... ♪
Garbage Boy.
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ I'm cryin' out to you ♪
♪ Baby ♪
Oh, my God, that is literally
so fucking gross right now.
No! Garbage Boy was so hot.
All I wanted was to get
his attention.
♪ Now, pretty baby, ooh ♪
♪ Tell me ♪
♪ Do you like what you see?
'Cause you know... ♪
You done with that milk?
I am now.
There's still a bit left.
♪ Something's
coming over me ♪
♪ Is it love? ♪
Beautiful watch...
...for a beautiful girl. This old thing?
It's a family heirloom,
I just...
And just like that,
he took my breath away.
I knew right then that I
needed to be with that boy.
The kid that chugs
your old milk?
Oh, you sound like my mother.
She completely disapproved
of me dating Garbage Boy.
I don't wanna be
with a rich boy.
Garbage Boy is not trash!
Milk doesn't even expire.
But my mother's disapproval
only made me want him more.
Garbage Boy and I exchanged
notes in secret.
One day, I was able to sneak
away for just long enough.
That's a whole lotta lip
there, Grandma.
Yes, we didn't use tongue
because it wasn't of the era.
So then y'all smashed,
Had a couple babies.
Here I am now, um...
I gotta check my Weibo.
Hey! This story's not over!
Things were going really well.
Until 1966.
It was the start
of the Cultural Revolution.
A time when rich people
and intellectuals were forced
by the government to destroy
any sign of wealth and status.
Even though my family was
wealthy and therefore targets,
I still had other
things on my mind.
What up, girl?
It me, Shu Shu.
Shu Shu.
You mean, Shu Shu, Shu Shu?
The one who couldn't
go to Atlantic City?
Yeah, my best friend from China.
We told each other everything.
Hello, Best Friend Shu Shu.
Sorry for the wide smile.
I'm just... so in love.
Oh, really?
With who?
The boy who takes
out our garbage.
Garbage Boy.
Oh, Garbage Boy.
He is fine.
Saw him rip apart
a cardboard box once.
No scissors, shit was sick.
Anyway, enough about me.
How are you, Shu Shu?
I'm in love, too. With who?
Mao Zedong.
Chairman Mao?
Was he hot?
Shu Shu thought so.
Chairman Mao's so smart.
He's got this awesome
place out in the countryside
called the village.
Hmm.
We're all going to be, like...
joining the working class,
working the fields.
It'll be rustic AF, bitch.
I don't know,
I don't really like fields.
You know, and the rows of
plants really freak me out.
Besides, the love
of my life is here.
Fine. Suit yourself.
More rural "D" for me.
Things would only get more
complicated from there.
My neighbors, the Chens,
were caught with valuables.
So the Red Guard,
Mao's law enforcers
made them leave the city
to work in the countryside
which meant we had to throw away
all our valuables.
- Everything?
- Everything!
Even the expensive China that was
in our family for generations.
My parents didn't want to show
any signs of our wealth.
Otherwise, we'd be forced
to go to the deep countryside.
Work on a farm.
Like Paris Hilton and Nicole
Richie did on "The Simple Life?"
Yeah! Just like that!
I didn't want to do it,
but we had to.
I just figured with more trash,
comes more garbage.
And with more garbage
comes Garbage Boy.
But still, we couldn't
avoid the Red Guard.
Is that a valuable wrist watch?
No, no it's not. Destroy it at once!
You can't.
Please, this is the one...
This is the one
Garbage Boy complimented...
And that wasn't the worst part.
My refusal to immediately
give up the watch
was considered
an act of defiance.
We were now targets
of Chairman Mao.
We needed to flee.
No, I can't!
Garbage Boy.
My parents paid a local smuggler
for safe passage to Hong Kong.
And from there,
we travelled to America.
And we had to leave right away.
But I couldn't go without
telling Garbage Boy.
Wait! Wait-wait-wait!
So you left and you
never talked to him?!
Did you get his number?
Shh! Just listen.
What happens next?
Well...
I met a new man...
...in America.
What?!
I finally made it
to New York City.
I forged a nursing degree
and soon had a job
at Flushing West Hospital
where I made friends
with other renowned immigrants.
Another one bites the dust.
What?
Another eligible
bachelor, married.
Reading the wedding
announcements again?
Of course!
A girl's got to find
a man and a green card somehow.
I was a diplomat in Haiti.
I can't even get
a second date here.
America is crazy.
He's a mailman.
Spending that much money?
In Puerto Rico,
he's what we call
a squash that is showing off.
Probably because he has
a very small squash, hey?
How about you, Young Grandma?
Is there anyone
you've been eyeing?
No, not really.
And then I saw him.
♪ Let's do this for real ♪
♪ I know you wanna
feel, baby ♪
♪ Wanna take you
off the grill ♪
♪ Take for the chill ♪
♪ Do this thing for real ♪
Doc Hottie.
It's very unsanitary.
Yeah.
But Grandma liked it.
Over the next few weeks,
Doc Hottie and I were
inseparable.
He had everything
I could have wanted.
Money, cars, charm.
It was the American Dream.
Grandma, what kind of...
what kind of effects are these?
It's a K Drama.
We don't have the budget.
Who... who is we?
Everything was going
splendidly... until...
Babe, aren't you gonna
pick up your trash?
Oh, don't worry about it, babe.
Someone will pick
it up, come on.
Babe... babe.
Babe? Babe?
Look at me. Ice cream's melting.
Come on, babe.
Look out.
Oh, God, no!
A piano fell on his head?
That didn't happen.
It's real. Did Doc Hottie die?
No, but something
even worse happened.
What? He survived.
Sweetie.
Please don't be ugly.
Please don't be ugly.
Oh, thank God.
Who are you?
It's me.
Your girlfriend, Young Grandma.
I don't... I don't know
why you are.
Doc Hottie had amnesia.
Oh, my God!
But all your piggyback rides?
Viewing the State of Liberty?
I know.
It was horrible.
I just wanted to get home
and cry forever.
58th and Main, please.
Right the way, ma'am.
Garbage Boy?!
What? He's in America now?
But I thought your note
flew away?
Oh, it did.
But it must've been fate.
Or because the local smuggler
always brought people
into Queens first.
Garbage Boy and I
started talking
like no time had passed.
It was magical.
We ended up spending
the whole night together.
Doing what?
- Just holding hands.
- No!
We threaded our fingers,
then moonwalked across
each other's palms.
We scissored so slowly.
I did the "farting rocket
into the hole."
We slapped each other's hands
till they were raw.
Up and down and up and down.
Oh, Lord, Lord, he blew my mind!
Grandma!
You don't have to...
I don't need to see...
Grandma, stop!
It was a wonderful night.
I couldn't wait
to tell my friends.
Oh, that is so romantic.
I'm so happy for you.
What was his name again?
Garbage Boy.
Wait. Garbage Boy.
I have heard that name.
Oh! He is getting...
married!
Oh, hell no!
What'd you do with
that man slut Garbage Boy?
I mean, how did you
get past that
It was a dark time in my life.
My only happiness was in
this new hip flavor,
Diet Neapolitan.
I couldn't stop thinking
about Garbage Boy.
Everywhere I looked,
there he was.
And he called every day.
You didn't answer it,
though, right, Grandma?
'Cause... 'cause
fuck that dude, right?
Exactly. Fuck that dude.
But I'll admit,
he was persistent.
I said I didn't...
Young Grandma.
Doc Hottie.
My memory's back.
I'm cured of my amnesia.
I remember our love.
I remember everything.
Let's get married.
What? How many goddamn plot twists
you got in this story, Grandma?
You've been through a lot.
Weeping because of my amnesia.
You don't have to
give me an answer now.
I'm going to the hospital.
They're letting me
do surgery again.
This new procedure
called... kidney transplant.
Oh.
Find me when you're ready.
Wow. So...
So you said yes, right?
I didn't know what to do.
Doc Hottie wanted to marry me,
but I couldn't stop thinking
about Garbage Boy.
And Camren and Lehana
were no help.
Garbage Boy's
the love of your life.
You can stop his wedding.
Ah, but Doc Hottie
will hook you up.
He's rich.
Your parents adore him.
It's a no brainer.
Marry him.
I was lost.
Until guess who
walked through the door.
What up?
What?!
It me, Shu Shu.
In America!
Doop doop boop boop!
Boop!
How did Shu Shu get there?
It was a crazy story.
So, I stayed in China and
ended up in the countryside.
But I quickly learned
that I did not belong there.
The work was hard.
I did not like manual labor.
And there were so many bugs.
One, I got caught in a mudslide
and was washed away.
Even though I still loved
Chairman Mao,
I decided that I needed
to get out of China.
So I swam to Hong Kong.
Almost getting eating
by sharks along the way.
Nooo!
And then I made it to New York.
So, that's my update.
What about you?
I told Shu Shu everything about
Doc Hottie and Garbage Boy,
except I didn't have puppets,
so my story was way more boring.
So what do I do?
We did not come to this
country to settle.
I got washed in a mudslide
and fought 75 sharks
to get here.
You are too hot and too smart
to be anything less than
the Plan "A" bitch you are.
Yeah. So what do you want?
Love.
Then go...
...get...
...it.
You're right.
I'm gonna get what I want.
Wait, so who are
you gonna choose?
Doctor Dick or Garbage Dick?
Either way, get that
nasty shit, girl!
Doc Hottie.
You came.
I knew you would.
Actually, I came be
to give you this.
Uh...
Uh...
Why? I think you're wonderful.
And a doctor and for all the
reasons why I should love you.
I'm just in love
with someone else.
But... Sorry.
No.
I'm so sorry.
Young Grandma...
Young Grandma!
Stop the wedding.
Young Grandma.
Ohh!
It's not what it looks like.
Oh, thank God. She's my sister.
What?! That's fuckin' gross.
It's not what it is sounds like.
My sister was sponsored
to come to the States
by the Lao family here.
They were only allowed to
sponsor their own family, though,
so she lived here
as their daughter.
She even took on
their last name.
Then in order
for me to come over,
we were to be married.
The marriage is just
for citizenship, though.
We're divorced immediately
and then we'll be free
to live our lives.
Wow, that sounds like
a really weird loophole.
I know, but it's true.
It's why I've been calling.
Ever since that night,
I've been trying to explain.
Mmm-mm-mm, no!
What could he possibly say
to make this okay?
Hold on.
I've been meaning
to give this back to you.
Ohh! It's my watch.
But it was completely trashed.
Not all trash is garbage.
Oh, hell yeah, Garbage Boy!
After the Red Guard
threw it away,
I spent years fixing it.
I knew that...
I had to get it back to you.
Where it belonged.
A beautiful watch
for a beautiful girl.
Go marry your sister.
I now pronounce you
Mr. and Mrs. Lin.
Garbage Boy was Grandpa?
This was taken
on my wedding day.
Oh, wow.
You know, I thought
my life was hard.
Well, life can be hard,
but it's much easier
when you have
something you love.
Yeah.
All right, time for bed.
And here.
For being such a good listener,
you can have your phone back.
I... I'm feeling I don't
even need my phone.
You know, that was
a riveting tale.
I love you, Grandma.
Good night, bao bao.
I love you too.
♪ What up, y'all?
It me, Shu Shu ♪
♪ Here's a little bit
of old school for ya ♪
♪ It goes a little
something like this ♪
♪ I always try to be
the flyest chick on the block ♪
♪ The best communist
with the cattle stock ♪
♪ So that's when I had
this bright idea ♪
♪ Hit the farm for a month,
no, the farm for a year ♪
♪ The farm is lit
'cause the party's here ♪
♪ Making it rain
like Chinese New Year ♪
♪ Walking around
like "Who's that woman?" ♪
♪ Everybody do it
like Shu Shu can ♪
♪ First on the farm.
You know that's me ♪
♪ But then a mudslide
like a freaking movie ♪
♪ Wait, there are bugs now
biting my head ♪
♪ Then I knew this ain't cool,
so this is what I said ♪
♪ People, this is hella work ♪
♪ Anyone got a plow? ♪
♪ Shit, I really gotta leave ♪
♪ What, huh, say it again ♪
♪ Na na na na hey ♪
♪ Na na na na oh ♪
♪ Come on, here I go,
ha ha, I'm over this ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na ♪♪
Who the is Awkwafina?
Why were you looking at her?
You know I care about you.
You all right, bao bao?
Yes, I'm recovering.
I don't need any Chinese medicine.
I make you some soup!
Oh, cool.
Yeah, with Chinese
yams and ramen.
It's good for you.
And it's good for your skin.
Uh, you know what?
I'm doing good for right now.
'Cause I have Amer... I have
American stuff, thanks.
What are you watching? "Love Island."
It's episode 48 of 52,
season three.
Oh my God... what?
Those people are gutter trash.
Hey! Hey!
Wha... wha... Grandma!
You're never gonna get better
by being on the phone
all the time.
My life is
really hard right now.
Can you give me my phone please?
You wanna hear
about a hard life?
Let me tell you a story.
From, like, orally?
Like an oral story?
It's the true story
about how your Grandma
met your Grandpa.
Um, do I... I'm good
for now, or...
Let's do this!
Oh, oh, no.
Is this gonna be like
one of those Korean dramas?
You know it.
What?! That...
that's my title card?
Why do you gotta put
my title card like that?
Ah! They didn't
put my real name!
Wait, wait-wait-wait.
That's supposed to be you?
Grandma, you were hot
and five-foot-ten?
Yeah, and I'm still hot.
Anyways, the story begins
back on my family's estate
in rural China.
It was 1965.
My family was wealthy.
So I spent my days doing
what all rich girls
like to do in 1965.
Sit under a parasol
and stare at things
for a long time.
It was nice to be rich.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Chen.
You spoke English?
I spoke Chinese,
but I'm translating
to make it easier for you.
O... okay.
Life was good, until one day
our garbage man...
...dropped dead.
Oh, shit!
Oh, it's okay.
Because he was immediately
replaced by...
♪ Ooh... ♪
Garbage Boy.
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ I'm cryin' out to you ♪
♪ Baby ♪
Oh, my God, that is literally
so fucking gross right now.
No! Garbage Boy was so hot.
All I wanted was to get
his attention.
♪ Now, pretty baby, ooh ♪
♪ Tell me ♪
♪ Do you like what you see?
'Cause you know... ♪
You done with that milk?
I am now.
There's still a bit left.
♪ Something's
coming over me ♪
♪ Is it love? ♪
Beautiful watch...
...for a beautiful girl. This old thing?
It's a family heirloom,
I just...
And just like that,
he took my breath away.
I knew right then that I
needed to be with that boy.
The kid that chugs
your old milk?
Oh, you sound like my mother.
She completely disapproved
of me dating Garbage Boy.
I don't wanna be
with a rich boy.
Garbage Boy is not trash!
Milk doesn't even expire.
But my mother's disapproval
only made me want him more.
Garbage Boy and I exchanged
notes in secret.
One day, I was able to sneak
away for just long enough.
That's a whole lotta lip
there, Grandma.
Yes, we didn't use tongue
because it wasn't of the era.
So then y'all smashed,
Had a couple babies.
Here I am now, um...
I gotta check my Weibo.
Hey! This story's not over!
Things were going really well.
Until 1966.
It was the start
of the Cultural Revolution.
A time when rich people
and intellectuals were forced
by the government to destroy
any sign of wealth and status.
Even though my family was
wealthy and therefore targets,
I still had other
things on my mind.
What up, girl?
It me, Shu Shu.
Shu Shu.
You mean, Shu Shu, Shu Shu?
The one who couldn't
go to Atlantic City?
Yeah, my best friend from China.
We told each other everything.
Hello, Best Friend Shu Shu.
Sorry for the wide smile.
I'm just... so in love.
Oh, really?
With who?
The boy who takes
out our garbage.
Garbage Boy.
Oh, Garbage Boy.
He is fine.
Saw him rip apart
a cardboard box once.
No scissors, shit was sick.
Anyway, enough about me.
How are you, Shu Shu?
I'm in love, too. With who?
Mao Zedong.
Chairman Mao?
Was he hot?
Shu Shu thought so.
Chairman Mao's so smart.
He's got this awesome
place out in the countryside
called the village.
Hmm.
We're all going to be, like...
joining the working class,
working the fields.
It'll be rustic AF, bitch.
I don't know,
I don't really like fields.
You know, and the rows of
plants really freak me out.
Besides, the love
of my life is here.
Fine. Suit yourself.
More rural "D" for me.
Things would only get more
complicated from there.
My neighbors, the Chens,
were caught with valuables.
So the Red Guard,
Mao's law enforcers
made them leave the city
to work in the countryside
which meant we had to throw away
all our valuables.
- Everything?
- Everything!
Even the expensive China that was
in our family for generations.
My parents didn't want to show
any signs of our wealth.
Otherwise, we'd be forced
to go to the deep countryside.
Work on a farm.
Like Paris Hilton and Nicole
Richie did on "The Simple Life?"
Yeah! Just like that!
I didn't want to do it,
but we had to.
I just figured with more trash,
comes more garbage.
And with more garbage
comes Garbage Boy.
But still, we couldn't
avoid the Red Guard.
Is that a valuable wrist watch?
No, no it's not. Destroy it at once!
You can't.
Please, this is the one...
This is the one
Garbage Boy complimented...
And that wasn't the worst part.
My refusal to immediately
give up the watch
was considered
an act of defiance.
We were now targets
of Chairman Mao.
We needed to flee.
No, I can't!
Garbage Boy.
My parents paid a local smuggler
for safe passage to Hong Kong.
And from there,
we travelled to America.
And we had to leave right away.
But I couldn't go without
telling Garbage Boy.
Wait! Wait-wait-wait!
So you left and you
never talked to him?!
Did you get his number?
Shh! Just listen.
What happens next?
Well...
I met a new man...
...in America.
What?!
I finally made it
to New York City.
I forged a nursing degree
and soon had a job
at Flushing West Hospital
where I made friends
with other renowned immigrants.
Another one bites the dust.
What?
Another eligible
bachelor, married.
Reading the wedding
announcements again?
Of course!
A girl's got to find
a man and a green card somehow.
I was a diplomat in Haiti.
I can't even get
a second date here.
America is crazy.
He's a mailman.
Spending that much money?
In Puerto Rico,
he's what we call
a squash that is showing off.
Probably because he has
a very small squash, hey?
How about you, Young Grandma?
Is there anyone
you've been eyeing?
No, not really.
And then I saw him.
♪ Let's do this for real ♪
♪ I know you wanna
feel, baby ♪
♪ Wanna take you
off the grill ♪
♪ Take for the chill ♪
♪ Do this thing for real ♪
Doc Hottie.
It's very unsanitary.
Yeah.
But Grandma liked it.
Over the next few weeks,
Doc Hottie and I were
inseparable.
He had everything
I could have wanted.
Money, cars, charm.
It was the American Dream.
Grandma, what kind of...
what kind of effects are these?
It's a K Drama.
We don't have the budget.
Who... who is we?
Everything was going
splendidly... until...
Babe, aren't you gonna
pick up your trash?
Oh, don't worry about it, babe.
Someone will pick
it up, come on.
Babe... babe.
Babe? Babe?
Look at me. Ice cream's melting.
Come on, babe.
Look out.
Oh, God, no!
A piano fell on his head?
That didn't happen.
It's real. Did Doc Hottie die?
No, but something
even worse happened.
What? He survived.
Sweetie.
Please don't be ugly.
Please don't be ugly.
Oh, thank God.
Who are you?
It's me.
Your girlfriend, Young Grandma.
I don't... I don't know
why you are.
Doc Hottie had amnesia.
Oh, my God!
But all your piggyback rides?
Viewing the State of Liberty?
I know.
It was horrible.
I just wanted to get home
and cry forever.
58th and Main, please.
Right the way, ma'am.
Garbage Boy?!
What? He's in America now?
But I thought your note
flew away?
Oh, it did.
But it must've been fate.
Or because the local smuggler
always brought people
into Queens first.
Garbage Boy and I
started talking
like no time had passed.
It was magical.
We ended up spending
the whole night together.
Doing what?
- Just holding hands.
- No!
We threaded our fingers,
then moonwalked across
each other's palms.
We scissored so slowly.
I did the "farting rocket
into the hole."
We slapped each other's hands
till they were raw.
Up and down and up and down.
Oh, Lord, Lord, he blew my mind!
Grandma!
You don't have to...
I don't need to see...
Grandma, stop!
It was a wonderful night.
I couldn't wait
to tell my friends.
Oh, that is so romantic.
I'm so happy for you.
What was his name again?
Garbage Boy.
Wait. Garbage Boy.
I have heard that name.
Oh! He is getting...
married!
Oh, hell no!
What'd you do with
that man slut Garbage Boy?
I mean, how did you
get past that
It was a dark time in my life.
My only happiness was in
this new hip flavor,
Diet Neapolitan.
I couldn't stop thinking
about Garbage Boy.
Everywhere I looked,
there he was.
And he called every day.
You didn't answer it,
though, right, Grandma?
'Cause... 'cause
fuck that dude, right?
Exactly. Fuck that dude.
But I'll admit,
he was persistent.
I said I didn't...
Young Grandma.
Doc Hottie.
My memory's back.
I'm cured of my amnesia.
I remember our love.
I remember everything.
Let's get married.
What? How many goddamn plot twists
you got in this story, Grandma?
You've been through a lot.
Weeping because of my amnesia.
You don't have to
give me an answer now.
I'm going to the hospital.
They're letting me
do surgery again.
This new procedure
called... kidney transplant.
Oh.
Find me when you're ready.
Wow. So...
So you said yes, right?
I didn't know what to do.
Doc Hottie wanted to marry me,
but I couldn't stop thinking
about Garbage Boy.
And Camren and Lehana
were no help.
Garbage Boy's
the love of your life.
You can stop his wedding.
Ah, but Doc Hottie
will hook you up.
He's rich.
Your parents adore him.
It's a no brainer.
Marry him.
I was lost.
Until guess who
walked through the door.
What up?
What?!
It me, Shu Shu.
In America!
Doop doop boop boop!
Boop!
How did Shu Shu get there?
It was a crazy story.
So, I stayed in China and
ended up in the countryside.
But I quickly learned
that I did not belong there.
The work was hard.
I did not like manual labor.
And there were so many bugs.
One, I got caught in a mudslide
and was washed away.
Even though I still loved
Chairman Mao,
I decided that I needed
to get out of China.
So I swam to Hong Kong.
Almost getting eating
by sharks along the way.
Nooo!
And then I made it to New York.
So, that's my update.
What about you?
I told Shu Shu everything about
Doc Hottie and Garbage Boy,
except I didn't have puppets,
so my story was way more boring.
So what do I do?
We did not come to this
country to settle.
I got washed in a mudslide
and fought 75 sharks
to get here.
You are too hot and too smart
to be anything less than
the Plan "A" bitch you are.
Yeah. So what do you want?
Love.
Then go...
...get...
...it.
You're right.
I'm gonna get what I want.
Wait, so who are
you gonna choose?
Doctor Dick or Garbage Dick?
Either way, get that
nasty shit, girl!
Doc Hottie.
You came.
I knew you would.
Actually, I came be
to give you this.
Uh...
Uh...
Why? I think you're wonderful.
And a doctor and for all the
reasons why I should love you.
I'm just in love
with someone else.
But... Sorry.
No.
I'm so sorry.
Young Grandma...
Young Grandma!
Stop the wedding.
Young Grandma.
Ohh!
It's not what it looks like.
Oh, thank God. She's my sister.
What?! That's fuckin' gross.
It's not what it is sounds like.
My sister was sponsored
to come to the States
by the Lao family here.
They were only allowed to
sponsor their own family, though,
so she lived here
as their daughter.
She even took on
their last name.
Then in order
for me to come over,
we were to be married.
The marriage is just
for citizenship, though.
We're divorced immediately
and then we'll be free
to live our lives.
Wow, that sounds like
a really weird loophole.
I know, but it's true.
It's why I've been calling.
Ever since that night,
I've been trying to explain.
Mmm-mm-mm, no!
What could he possibly say
to make this okay?
Hold on.
I've been meaning
to give this back to you.
Ohh! It's my watch.
But it was completely trashed.
Not all trash is garbage.
Oh, hell yeah, Garbage Boy!
After the Red Guard
threw it away,
I spent years fixing it.
I knew that...
I had to get it back to you.
Where it belonged.
A beautiful watch
for a beautiful girl.
Go marry your sister.
I now pronounce you
Mr. and Mrs. Lin.
Garbage Boy was Grandpa?
This was taken
on my wedding day.
Oh, wow.
You know, I thought
my life was hard.
Well, life can be hard,
but it's much easier
when you have
something you love.
Yeah.
All right, time for bed.
And here.
For being such a good listener,
you can have your phone back.
I... I'm feeling I don't
even need my phone.
You know, that was
a riveting tale.
I love you, Grandma.
Good night, bao bao.
I love you too.
♪ What up, y'all?
It me, Shu Shu ♪
♪ Here's a little bit
of old school for ya ♪
♪ It goes a little
something like this ♪
♪ I always try to be
the flyest chick on the block ♪
♪ The best communist
with the cattle stock ♪
♪ So that's when I had
this bright idea ♪
♪ Hit the farm for a month,
no, the farm for a year ♪
♪ The farm is lit
'cause the party's here ♪
♪ Making it rain
like Chinese New Year ♪
♪ Walking around
like "Who's that woman?" ♪
♪ Everybody do it
like Shu Shu can ♪
♪ First on the farm.
You know that's me ♪
♪ But then a mudslide
like a freaking movie ♪
♪ Wait, there are bugs now
biting my head ♪
♪ Then I knew this ain't cool,
so this is what I said ♪
♪ People, this is hella work ♪
♪ Anyone got a plow? ♪
♪ Shit, I really gotta leave ♪
♪ What, huh, say it again ♪
♪ Na na na na hey ♪
♪ Na na na na oh ♪
♪ Come on, here I go,
ha ha, I'm over this ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Na ♪♪
Who the is Awkwafina?