Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 8 - Karaoke & Kalamity - full transcript

Guys!

The shipment of
maracas just came in!

These are even nicer
than the last maracas.

Ah! Check them out!

Right now?

Can't you see we're being
chased by a tyrannosaurus rex?

- He's closing in on us!
- We're doomed!

Ahhh!

That screen is supposed
to be a concert simulator

to help the students practice
performing in front of a crowd,

not to practice running away
from prehistoric carnivores.



Performing for a virtual
crowd always bums me out.

Reminds me of how much I miss
performing in front of a real crowd.

I can't believe Jimmy starr
still hasn't lifted the ban.

Guess who got a job working
karaoke night at club-a-dub-dub?

Aw, I love that place!

I set the record for eating
428 chicken wings in an hour.

Bones and all! Whoa!

Working karaoke is the
perfect job for me.

I get to sing all night.

Mmm, isn't your job to get
other people to sing?

Why would I do that?
They're terrible.

Have you heard
people do karaoke?

You haven't heard me do karaoke.
I'm great!

Yup, sounds great now.



What was wrong with
our old maracas?

The beans in these
are 5% bigger.

Can't you hear the difference?

Hi.

Oh, hi. Can we help you?

Nope.

That was weird.

Actually yes.

I'm here for singing lessons.

Well, great. Let's just
sign you up right now.

- Uh, what's your name?
- Ridley.

You know what? Never mind.

Wait, come back. There is
nothing to be scared of.

Actually, there's a
lot to be scared of.

You could hate my singing,
I could embarrass myself,

one of those guitars could fall
on my head, aliens could attack.

None of that's going to happen.

Well, aliens could attack.

Ignore him.

I am sure you are
a great singer.

So let's hear what you've got.

Okay.

Ridley!

You have a great voice.

Only, uh, I couldn't help but notice
you put on a mask before singing.

Yeah.

You can't be too careful.

Did you know the average person
accidentally swallows 25 flies a year?

Well... wait, really?

I don't know what
I'm doing here.

I really want to be a singer, but all
my fears keep getting in the way.

Well, hang on. Why don't you
come back this afternoon?

I think I have some ideas to help
conquer your fear so you can perform.

Are you sure you want to waste
your time on someone as odd as me?

You're not odd.

I have an inflatable life vest in
my backpack in case of emergency.

Okay, that's a little odd.

Odd or prepared?

Odd.

See you later.

Guys, you would not believe what
happened at work yesterday.

You got fired?

No, you would totally
believe that.

This big hairy
lumberjack dude came in

and rocked an amazing karaoke
performance of one of Austin's songs.

Apparently he goes
there every night.

Seriously?

Yeah, he has that
Austin Moon swagger.

Well the old Austin Moon
that used to perform,

not the new one that just sits
around and does nothing all day.

Sorry.

You gotta check this guy out.

Yeah, this I have to see.

Come on, Austin, let's
all go tonight.

Nah, I can't.

I have to give my cat a bath.

You don't have a cat.

Right. So I gotta go buy a cat

and then give it a bath.
It's gonna be a long night.

See you later.

That was strange.

Uh, yeah.

I can't believe he'd go
cat shopping without me.

I hope he gets one of those fluffy,
grumpy cats with a cute, mean face.

Meow!

Dez, he is not getting a cat.

Meow?

Clearly that was just an excuse.

Austin doesn't want
to go to karaoke

because it hurts to see people
perform his music when he can't.

I don't know, Ally. That's
pretty far-fetched.

I think bathing a cat that he doesn't
even have yet makes way more sense.

Okay, Ridley, I know how
overwhelming stage fright can be.

I used to have it too.

It's true. She was
a train wreck.

It's still all over the Internet.
Want to see?

Dez!

I do have stage fright, but
it's not the kind you think.

I'm literally afraid of stages.

You can fall off, get a
drum stuck on your head.

The dangers are endless.

But you... you seem okay
performing in front of people.

Well, not strangers.

Okay, what about performing in front
of a crowd of people that you know?

Ah!

It's like this nightmare I
had, but instead of dezes,

they were yams. I'm
terrified of yams.

- Dez, do something.
- I got this.

Basically the best way
to get over stage fright

is to picture the audience
in their underwear.

- Whoo!
- Ah!

What? Now I'm going
to have nightmares.

Change it, change it.

Yams!

Wait, come back. There's
nothing to be afraid...

I think I just swallowed a fly.

Did I get it?

- Did you get it?
- No.

Well, we only have time
for one more singer.

And it's not you, Dez.

Sorry nobody on the
list got to sing,

but the important thing is,
I got to sing 15 songs.

Is a crowd favorite.

He rocks Austin Moon songs
better than Austin Moon.

You know him, you love him.

Club-a-dub-dub is proud once again
to present Flermy McGurgen!

Let's give it up for
Flermy McGurgen!

Great job, Flermy.
You did it again.

That was amazing, bearded dude.

Uh, thanks, strangers.

So what do you think, Ally?

I think...

He's pretty cute.

I can't believe you're
cheating on Austin

in front of me with this
big hairy lumberjack!

Guys, I give you
Flermy McGurgen.

Okay, I'm not really
a lumberjack.

Austin, you've been
secretly performing?

If Jimmy finds out, do you know
how much trouble you'll be in?

So?

What kind of cat did you get?

So Austin and Flermy are
actually the same person?

It's been so obvious
the whole time.

"Austin" is Flermy
spelled backwards.

Nope. No, it's not.

They don't even have
one letter in common.

Why didn't you tell us?

Well, I just couldn't
take the chance.

I really miss performing
and putting on a disguise

was the only way I could do it
without Jimmy starr finding out.

It's like he's everywhere.

Hey, look, they're
dancing to your song.

Nice job, guys.

But let me show you
how it's really done.

Stop! No performing, Austin.

Happy Birthday to my
little cousin Jessica!

Now for a special treat,
Austin Moon will sing to you!

Yay!

No performing, Austin.

Stop! No performing, Austin!

Wheee!

I don't think any of that
stuff actually happened.

Okay, I may have
exaggerated a little.

We get it. Wearing a disguise was
the only way you could sing.

I still can't believe
you would even risk it.

What if Jimmy catches you?

I don't know!

I've been going crazy not
being able to perform.

Poor guy. The only time he
gets to sing is in the shower.

I'm guessing. It's not like
I listen outside the door.

We're having a big karaoke
competition here this weekend.

Flermy McGurgen could
take home the top prize.

I'm way ahead of you.

I already have the
perfect song picked out.

I just gotta win the contest.

You know the top prize is just
a basket of chicken wings?

What?

I thought it was just a trophy.
That's way better!

Yeah, trophies don't taste nearly
as good with buffalo sauce.

Whoo!

Check this out.

"Enter to win the club-a-dub-dub
karaoke sing-off.

"First prize is a free
basket of chicken wings."

So what do you think?

I think you've got a
pretty good chance.

I say go for it.

No, not me. I entered you
into the karaoke competition.

You did what?

Trust me, it is the best way
to get over your fears.

I mean, performing in front of
people is my biggest dream.

But it's also my
worst nightmare.

I'm freaking out just
thinking about it.

Oh, hey.

Look.

It's like getting into
a cold swimming pool.

You just have to dive right in.

You know how
dangerous diving is?

You could bump your head,
you could belly-flop...

Ridley, is there anything
you're not afraid of?

Antibacterial wipes.

Okay.

I can work with that.

Thank you.

I know that's my
seventh song in a row.

But tonight is not all about me.

Stay tuned. The karaoke
contest is up next.

I am so nervous.

There's people here, I
saw a fly on the way in,

and I'm not wearing
my life vest.

You can do this. Just
go to your safe place.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself
wrapped up in that antibacterial wipe.

Is it lemon-scented?

It can be whatever you want.

I'm gonna go put some
more tape on my shoes.

That stage looks
really slippery.

Okay. Okay, yeah.

Okay, Flermy.

You're up first. Good luck.

Thanks, Trish.

One day, I hope to perform
as Austin Moon again.

But until then, I really
appreciate you sticking with me.

Yeah, yeah.

Go wait in the club until I call you
up on stage, you hairy wildebeest.

It's so moving to see a
back-country woodsman

living out his dream
in the big city.

Hey, Jimmy.

Jimmy?

What are you doing here?

Nice to see you too.

The owner of this club
is a friend of mine.

I'm tonight's guest judge
for the karaoke contest.

Man! I knew I shouldn't have fallen
asleep at the last staff meeting.

I'm glad I ran into you, though.

I've been wanting to talk
to you about Austin.

I'm thinking of letting
him perform again.

That's great news. Really?

Yeah, as long as he doesn't do anything
stupid to make me change my mind.

Ah. Well... well!

The next time I see him, which I
have no idea when that will be,

because he is nowhere near here,
I will give him the good news.

Great. Well, I gotta head
over to the judge's table.

Flermy?

Flermy?

Flermy McGurgen!

Hey, he's doing an
Austin Moon song.

Wow, he sounds a lot
like Austin Moon.

A lot.

Flermy... Jimmy... stage... career...
judge... Austin... help!

I think she's trying
to tell us something.

Ally, isn't it obvious?

What she's trying to say is Jimmy
starr is here as a guest judge

and has offered Austin the
chance to perform again

if he doesn't do anything
behind his back.

Of course now, if Jimmy finds
out Austin is Flermy McGurgen,

he'll blow his shot at a comeback.
Duh.

You got all that from, "Flermy...
Jimmy... stage... career...

"judge... Austin... help"?

No, I was standing right
behind the curtain

when they had the conversation.
I heard the whole thing.

Well, we need to get Flermy off the
stage before Jimmy figures it all out.

I'm on it.

Let's hear it for
Flermy McGurgen!

Whoo!

Hey, I wasn't done.

You are now. I'm
giving you the axe.

Also, here's your axe.

Jimmy's here. Don't
let him see you.

I'm sure we can all agree that
last guy was forgettable!

So let's just all
forget about him.

Whew.

I don't think I can
do this, Ally.

You're gonna be great. There's
nothing to worry about.

Now let's give a big round of
applause for our next contestant!

Oh, well, not too big.
Loud noises startle her.

Well, now it just seems
like you don't like her.

- Could we split the difference?
- Trish!

Sorry. Uh, ladies and
gentlemen, Ridley Rogers!

Psst, Ally, she's not singing.

I see that, Dez.

Cool, just letting you know.

Ridley, just go to
your safe place.

Wrap yourself in the wipe.

She has a great voice.

You know, I've been looking
for a new young singer.

I'm gonna keep my eye on her.

Yams!

Yams!

Whoa!

Sorry.

Look at that! An emergency!

Flermy McGurgen.

Or should I say Austin Moon?

What was that?

Sorry, I lost my hearing
in a lumberjack accident.

Austin, I can't believe
you would defy me again.

I was about to let you start
playing shows, but you blew it.

Jimmy, I'm sorry. Please
give me another chance.

You had a chance to do the
right thing and you didn't.

You're lucky I don't
take legal action.

I only did it because I
miss performing so much.

Sorry. You're still banned.

And I better not see Flermy
McGurgen playing anywhere either.

I was confused at first as well.

But Flermy and Austin are
actually the same person.

- Tennis next week?
- Nope.

Love that guy.

I'm so sorry, Austin.

I know how much
performing means to you,

but don't give up. Jimmy
will change his mind

and you'll be up on that stage
as Austin Moon again in no time.

It's my fault. I
ruined everything.

No, it's not.

I took a risk and
I shouldn't have.

You did a great job.

Yeah, you were
awesome out there.

Look, it took time for
me to overcome my fear,

and it'll take time for
you to get over yours.

Thanks, Ally.

You know, for a
moment onstage there,

I wasn't afraid of anything.
I felt amazing.

Well, up until the yams.

Yeah, who orders yams at
karaoke night anyway?

Another round of yams, please!

Well, in light of the
fact that one contestant

got spooked by a yam, one
contestant got disqualified,

and our celebrity judge quit, I guess
the only fair thing to do would be...

reschedule the contest.

No, declare myself the winner!

I hereby accept these
chicken wings on my behalf.

Whoo!

Whooo!

Whoo! Trish, Trish!

Oh, yeah, the beans on the
right do sound 5% bigger.

Hey, guys, since Austin can't
perform as Flermy anymore,

I helped him find
a new disguise.

He's unrecognizable.

Oh, an old cowboy.
Austin, I love it.

Ally, why are you
hugging an old cowboy?

Yeah, this is my Uncle. He's
taking me to the rodeo.

Aw.

Sorry, buckaroo.

Come on, unc. I reckon
we better mosey.

Hey, guys, I just started
working on this new song.

What do you think?

Stop! No performing, Austin.

Wheee!