Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 7 - Wedding Bells & Wacky Birds - full transcript

The purpose of life skills class
is to prepare you for the future.

Though, honestly,

nothing can prepare you for when your
deadbeat boyfriend crashes your car

and leaves you for your
pilates instructor.

Anyway, for this
week's assignment,

everyone will pair up and put together
a budget and a visual presentation

for one of these
major life events.

"Retirement. Baby shower."

Ooh! A wedding. Let's
plan a wedding.

Ally...

Will you make me the happiest
man in life skills class



and fake-marry me?

And promise to honor and cherish
me until the bell do us part?

I do.

Let's make a budget for the
best fake wedding ever.

You two make such a cute couple,
just like Philip and I used to be.

He stole my heart...

Then he stole my waffle maker.

I know how you feel. I
was a cute couple once.

Her name was Carrie.

Probably still is.

I'm sorry. Are you supposed
to be in this class?

Nope.

Congratulations on the
fake engagement, buddy.

If you break his heart, I
swear I will destroy you.



Toodles!

Okay, fake fiance, ready
to plan our fake wedding?

Yeah, Ms. townsend
gave us a budget.

We just have to figure how much
pretend money we can spend

on stuff like flowers,
food, and a bounce house.

We're not having a bounce
house at our wedding.

- It's not a real wedding.
- Yeah, but that's real tacky.

Hey, you know what we should do?

A petting zoo.

No, for our presentation.

Let's dress up like
a bride and groom.

Great idea. I can be the groom.

Yeah.

And obviously, we'll
need flowers.

I always pictured having a bouquet of
lilies and orchids at our wedding.

Not that I've thought about it.

I always pictured
having a big, awesome,

six-layer white chocolate
cake at our wedding.

Not that I thought
about it either.

This is kinda weird, huh?

Talking about our
future together.

It's actually kinda fun.

Carrie used to love things
that are actually kinda fun.

Everything keeps
reminding me of her,

especially these Aquasmile ads.

Then why don't you
stop looking at them?

I can't!

Guys, big news.

Guess who booked Dez a job
directing a commercial!

Trish, you did that for me?

You need something to get
your mind off of Carrie,

plus, as your manager, I
get your entire paycheck.

You're such a good friend.

- So what's the commercial for?
- Armand Bianchi's new fragrance.

Emu.

- E-what now?
- It's a big bird.

Anyway, Armand wants you
to start right away.

Okay.

Not this second!

Do you even know
where you're going?

No!

All right, Ally, let's get
started on our presentation.

Oh!

Ooh. I just got a text.

My label needs my new
single by this weekend.

They want me at the
studio right away.

That's cool. I can get
started without you.

You're the best.

Thanks, hubby-to-be.

Trish, wanna hang out and
help me plan a wedding?

Oh, sorry.

I just got a text that says I
don't feel like doing that.

Thanks for coming to the commercial
set to support me, Trish.

Oh, I'm only here
for the pampering.

These assistants will do anything
if they think you're important.

Hi, I'm important.

Is there anyone on set who
specializes in manicures?

Ah!

- Dezington!
- It's actually just "Dez."

No, it's not.

Shh! Listen. Do you hear that?

- No.
- Exactly!

If a tree falls in the woods but
no one is there to hear it,

is lumberjack plaid
still in fashion?

Ye-no-yes.

I knew you'd understand.

Now, let me show you the
new face of... Emu.

Carrie!

- Carrie?
- Carrie?

I mean... wait.

Carrie? Darn, I did it again.

Dez?

Just act normal.

'Allo, Carrie.

I look forward to working
with you in the morning.

Pip pip! Cheerio.

But if we go with chicken
instead of steak,

we'll have money for the
silver napkin rings,

which is perfect, because it'll
match the ribbon on Ally's dress.

You know what I'm thinking?

That the silver is a missed
opportunity to inject some color?

Close. I'm thinking you should
share this junk with Ally,

'cause I stopped listening after you
said, "hey, Trish, listen to this."

I would, but Ally's
been recording all day.

I had to call the
florist, the D.J.

I even hand-wrote an
invitation in calligraphy.

"Fish sticks bubble gum train"?

That says "dear wedding guest."

In what language?

Well, check out
what else I made.

It's a little Austin and Ally bride
and groom for the top of the cake.

- I carved them out of soap.
- Well, good luck, groomzilla.

Hey, Ally, are you almost here?

I can't make it.

Are you doing that thing where you
call and say you're somewhere else

but you're really standing
outside the door?

I love it when you do that.

Austin, I'm stuck at the studio.

Stuck at the studio
right outside the door?

Hey, I... I gotta run.

I really wish I was
there with you,

but hey, at least we have our whole
future together, hubby-to-be.

At least I get to hang
with you, soap Ally.

You'd never get so busy where
you couldn't make time for me.

Sorry, Austin, I have
music to record. Bye!

Looks like it's just you
and me, soap Austin.

Sorry. I've got to go
stand on top of a cake.

Bye.

I came back to get my phone.

I'll just go get a new one.

We have our whole future
together, hubby-to-be.

Our whole future.

Oh.

Hey, Ally, I have everything set up for
our special dinner. Are you close?

I can't make it.

I'm stuck in Paris.

I'm really sorry I'm not there for
our fifth wedding anniversary.

Eh. You weren't here
for the other four...

Or our wedding.

You even missed the
birth of our octuplets.

Mmm. My bad.

Hey, I thought you
were in Paris.

There are no pyramids in Paris.

That's because this
is your dream.

Look, now I have a mustache.

What does it all mean?

Obviously, this is all a
symbolic manifestation

of your fear that in the future

you'll be left behind while
I tour around the world.

I don't know what
the mustache means.

It's just... weird dream stuff.

Oh man, my future is horrible.

But even with a mustache,
Ally's still pretty.

So are you sure you're going to be okay
shooting your ex-girlfriend's commercial?

Trish, I'm a director.

I can be professional and
put my emotions aside.

So it doesn't bother you

that the commercial is
about a passionate romance

between Carrie and her
hunky male co-star?

What? Emotions!

Whoa. Speaking of hunks...

Tell me that's not
Carrie's co-star.

Tell me that's not
Carrie's co-star.

Hi, I'm Carrie's costar.

Can we talk camera angles?

You see, I'm worried that the left side
of my face is only super handsome.

Whereas the right side of my
face is super, super handsome.

- Both sides seem fine.
- Very fine.

Trish de LA rosa, manager.

Newly single.

Hi. Oh, and I noticed
that my left pec

is a tiny bit more
pronounced than my right.

Do my pecs seem lopsided to you?

I'm gonna have to look
at them more closely.

Okay, people,

let's get into wardrobe and
get this thing over with.

All right, this
part's not too bad.

Not loving this part so much.

Cut!

Dez, what are you doing?

I can't watch Carrie
with that guy.

Look, he can't keep
his eyes off her.

I think you're overreacting.

Well, I don't think you're
overreacting enough!

I have to change the entire
concept of this commercial.

Whoo! Okay.

New plan. When you smell the fragrance,
I want you to think, "yech!"

"Get that as far away
from me as possible."

Now, instead of a boring old
kiss, let's end on a high five!

No touching. Let's try it.

And action.

Ooh! And after the high five,
let's all dance like chickens.

What is going on here?

Your concept wasn't working.

- Need I say more?
- Yes, you need say more!

Dez, Emu... it's about
fire and passion!

Not silly high-fivery
and chicken dancing!

I demand you return to
the original script!

I can't! It's your star.
I can't work with her.

I quit!

Phew.

Okay, I am finished recording.

I know that our wedding
presentation is tomorrow morning,

and I'm ready to
rock this thing.

- So what's left to do?
- I already did everything.

Oh. Wow!

Aww! You made the lily and
orchid bouquet that I wanted.

Oh! And you did the
invitation and calligraphy.

Who's "fish sticks,
bubble gum train"?

That's not what it says!

Sorry, I'm not a
professional fancy writer.

I did the best I
could with no help.

Are you mad?

You know I really
wanted to be here.

You made it sound like you had
the assignment under control.

- This isn't about the assignment.
- Then what is this about?

I don't know. It's just...

I'm worried about our
future together.

First, you're too busy
for our presentation,

and next thing you know,
you've got a mustache

and you're off to Egypt to
look at the eiffel tower.

Our octuplets deserve
better than that.

I don't know what
any of that means.

It means maybe this fake
engagement was a mistake.

Austin, I'm so sorry.

I've been so busy, I lost
track of what's important.

Maybe I overreacted.

I had this weird dream about our future
where you completely pushed me aside.

I promise I will never
push you aside.

Now scooch aside.

We've been a lot of
things over the years...

Friends, boyfriend and girlfriend,
ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend,

- friends again...
- I think I get it.

But... we've always
been great partners.

And I'm so lucky to have you.

Thanks, Ally. I
feel the same way.

I'm gonna go pack up the
stuff for our presentation.

- I'll see you in the morning.
- Okay. Bye.

How am I gonna make
it up to you, Austin?

Bounce house?

I have an idea.

I'm gonna stay up all night and
make your dream wedding cake.

Well, thank you. Mwah!

Oh, Austin, stop it.

Oh, stop it, stop it.

Oh, let's dance.

I came back to get my sweater.

I'll just go get a new one.

This one is smolder nine.

Similar to smolder seven,
but a little more smoldery.

I still like smolder three.

You know, that's
my favorite, too.

We have so much in common.

Trish, can you give
this letter to Dez?

Mm-hmm.

- It's blank.
- Exactly.

- I have nothing to say to him.
- Okay, Carrie,

I know you're mad, but Dez is just
heartbroken because you dumped him.

- I dumped him?
- Uh-huh.

- He dumped me.
- What are you talking about?

We were at dinner, celebrating
our half-birthday...

we have the same half-birthday,
but not the same actual birthday.

Everything was great, until
Dez broke up with me.

Wait. Okay, Carrie, walk me
through exactly what happened.

We finished eating, and when the
waiter came to take our plate,

out of nowhere, Dez
said, "we're done."

You have got to be kidding me.

Carrie, when Dez
said, "we're done,"

he was just telling the waiter
you were done with your meal.

- Oh!
- Yeah.

Wait. Oh!

- Wait.
- So?

At dinner that night you said,
"I don't wanna date you."

I said, "I don't want a date.
Eww."

You know I don't like
figs, prunes, or dates.

Well, if I didn't break up
with you and you didn't

break up with me, you know
what that means, don't you?

It means you never broke up.

- You're still a couple!
- Yay!

Wow. You really went all out!

I stayed up all
night making this.

It's Austin's favorite flavor...
white chocolate.

I wanted to do something
special for him

to let him know that he
can always count on me.

Now I have 10 minutes
to get to school.

- Well, let me see how it tastes.
- Hey!

No one touches that frosting.

- All six layers have to be perfect.
- Okay.

Okay.

- All five layers have to be perfect.
- Okay.

- Come on.
- Okay.

- We gotta go, we gotta go.
- Nice and easy.

- Okay.
- Nice and easy, Ally.

- Yeah, but we gotta hurry!
- Oh!

You know, four layers
should be plenty.

I'm so proud of you.

I never thought I'd see the day
when I give my favorite boy away.

Austin, we're waiting for
you to give your report.

Where's Ally?

Just give us a minute, lady.
This is our special day.

Oh! I made it down the stairs.

- That was the hardest part.
- He lost an arm.

- It's fine, whatever. Just put him on.
- Okay.

- All right, let's go.
- Oh!

- Ooh!
- Oh!

- Trish!
- Sorry.

But who really needs
more than three layers?

What are you doing here again?

I told you, you're
not in my class.

Did you really think I was going
to miss my best friend's wedding?

It's not a wedding. It's
a budget presentation.

Oh.

Then what are you doing here?

I'm the teacher.

Where is Ally?

Maybe she got cold feet, buddy.

- That's all right. We got it.
- We got it.

- We gotta hurry.
- Okay, here we go.

- Ready?
- Okay.

- Step.
- Okay. Oh! Okay. Okay.

- We got it. We got it.
- Okay. Hey, we're here.

- We're good.
- We got it.

- Look out!
- Oh!

Oh, come on!

- Austin, we can't wait any longer.
- I assure you, she's coming.

I've heard that before.

"Just running to the
store," he said.

And I never saw Philip again.

Move it! Out of the way!

Cake coming through!

Almost there.

Don't worry, buddy.
I'll go find Ally.

Found her!

Oh. Oh. Okay.

- Ally, you made it!
- I'm here!

And... I made cake.

It's white buttercream choc...

okay, whatever. It's cake.

I swear, it was six layers, had
everything you wanted and was perfect.

It's true. If you
really want to see it,

there's a layer in the quad...
and the mall...

And the music factory.
Really, it's everywhere.

I'm just happy you're here.

And I can't believe
you made our cake.

We might not be able to eat it, but
there's still enough to do this.

Boop!

That would've been a lot cuter if you
weren't already covered in cake.

Oh? Like this?

This is sweet and all, but can you
please start your presentation?

Shh! You're ruining the moment!

Oh, just kiss her already.

Is that pork fried rice?

Yeah, that was all I could
get on short notice.

Perfect!

I would clap, but I'm not
wearing my clapping gloves.

Seriously?

Are you trying to sell perfume
or give children nightmares?

Emu.