Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 13 - Santas & Surprises - full transcript

Okay. Our special holiday family and
friends night is coming up Christmas Eve,

and we think it would be really fun to
perform a song we all write together.

So let's throw out words that
make us think of Christmas.

Anybody?

Christmas!

Okay, Herman, the word Christmas
does make me think of Christmas.

Uh, anybody else?

Christmas.

Yeah, Dez, that's
already on the list.

Aw.

What about something
like mistletoe?



Or sleigh bells.

Or presents.

More specifically, the cheetah print
handbag I emailed you all about.

Several times.

Anybody else?

Lily, you're awfully quiet.

What word comes to your mind
when you think of Christmas?

Lousy.

Lousy?

That doesn't sound very
Christmassy to me.

Well, maybe she meant lousy
as in lousy the reindeer?

There's no reindeer named lousy.

She's right. It's drowsy.

There's no reindeer
named drowsy either.



Oh, yeah. I'm thinking
of the dwarves.

You know, goldilocks
and the three dwarves.

Lousy, drowsy, and Jim.

Guys, we're trying to
write a song here.

Christmas is about happiness and
being with the people you love.

Yeah, Lily. Why would
you say it's lousy?

I just think Christmas
is overrated.

People make too big of a deal out of
it, and it's really not that great.

It's lousy.

I think Lily's on to something.

I'm so excited to see Santa!

Oh, there he is!

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!

I can't wait to get my
picture with Santa.

I've been posing in the same outfit every
year since I was three months old.

Guess who got promoted
as Santa's head elf?

You got promoted?

What? It's Christmas,
not April fool's day.

It's true.

Ever since gumdrop quit, Santa had
no choice but to give me the job.

Oh, what's your elf name?

Jingletoes.

Hey, kids, you're not supposed
to eat the candy canes!

They're styrofoam!

Ah, what do I care?

I want to work for Santa.

I bet I would be
great at elfing!

Me too.

Do you think Santa
would hire us?

I can whittle toys from wood.
See?

What the heck is that?

A choo-choo train.

Choo-choo! Chugga chugga chugga.

Ah! Splinter.

Fine, you're hired.

But you have to do whatever
the head elf says.

Even if it seems ridiculous and
completely unrelated to the job.

Yes!

Okay, twerps. Santa's got
some jobs for you to do.

Gingerbread, put the head
back on the snowman.

Marshmallow, go
make me a sandwich.

I'm on it! I'm great
at making sandwiches.

He's not.

If you need me, I'll be in the
sleigh listening to music.

Aren't you supposed
to be taking photos?

Sorry, can't hear you!

Hey, Santa! I'm gingerbread.

You can call me ginger,
or bread, or gingerbread.

Well, it is very nice to
meet you, gingerbread.

I just want to say how happy
I am to join the team.

Here, I whittled you this.

Oh! What a beautiful...

Uh... um...

It's a choo-choo train.

Oh.

Okay, when Lily gets here we need
to get her in the holiday spirit.

It's weird that she's not
more excited about Christmas.

Yeah.

I've seen that girl get
excited over getting

a curly fry mixed in
with her regular fries.

She talked about it for a month.

Trish, shouldn't you be working
at the north pole right now?

Please, I've got nothing
to worry about.

I'm Santa's head elf.

Guess who just got promoted
to Santa's head elf?

What the holly are
you talking about?

Santa and I have
gotten really close.

When it comes to Christmas,
we share the same vision.

And also, you weren't there.

Wait.

So does this mean
you're my boss now?

Just so you know, I'm
gonna be late today.

And everyday.

Hi, guys.

Lily!

I am so glad you're here.

Before we start your lesson, let's
do something fun and Christmassy.

No, that's okay.

Come on! Wanna help us bake
some cookies for Santa?

No, thanks.

Good call.

Santa's doing that whole
no-carb thing till the 24th.

Well...

What if we cut up some carrots
for Santa's reindeer?

I don't think so.

Ugh. I wouldn't do that.

Carrots give the reindeer gas.

Especially Rudolph.

They always sing about his shiny
nose but never his stinky butt.

Dez, you're not helping.

It's okay.

Can we just have our lesson
and play something that's not

the Christmas song
we've been writing?

No!

We need to get you in
the Christmas spirit.

And I know just the jolly
fat man to cheer you up.

Oh, good idea.

My Uncle Joe is great with kids.

No, Dez. She's obviously
talking about Santa.

Oh, that makes more sense.

My Uncle Joe's gonna be
pretty disappointed.

Hey.

Ho, ho, ho!

Oh, little girl, now tell Santa
what would you like for Christmas?

Nothing.

Come now. Everybody
wants something.

Yeah, like a cheetah
print handbag.

Heh. Yes, yes, we
get it, jingletoes.

We all saw the email.

But right now we are
talking about Lily.

Well...

There is something I want,

but there's no way you
can get it for me.

Santa can get you
anything, Lily.

Yeah, tell him what you want.

Fine.

All I want for Christmas is
for my dad to come home,

but he's volunteering in Ecuador,
so that's not going to happen.

I wish we could just
skip Christmas.

Think she wants an
eight by ten of this?

No?

I feel terrible about Lily.

I can't believe her dad isn't
coming home for Christmas.

Guys, don't worry.

I know how to make
her feel better.

Gingerbread's got this.

Hey, Lily.

What you asked Santa for
is a really tough order.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean it
can't still be a great Christmas.

And we can still have fun.

Right. So what you
need to understand is

Santa will definitely get
your dad home for Christmas.

Really?

Really?

Yeah. I'm Santa's
right-hand man now,

and together we can
make anything happen.

Oh my gosh!

Thank you, gingerbread!

This is gonna be the
best Christmas ever!

Dez!

What did you do? You
can't promise her that.

I said I'd make her feel
better, and I did. Whoo!

I'm so excited my dad's gonna be
here for family and friends night!

I'm gonna make him an ornament.

Are you sure you don't want something
more special for Christmas?

Something money can buy?

Like a yacht?

No, I really just want my dad.

That's what'll make it
the perfect Christmas!

Oh!

That's a good idea for our song.

Perfect Christmas.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Hey, Austin. Can I
talk to you for a sec?

Guess who just saved Christmas?

Pack your bags, we're
going to Ecuador.

Oh, I've never been to Canada.

Ecuador is in South America.

I know.

I'm just saying I've
never been to Canada.

We're going to the physicians without
fences base where Lily's dad volunteers.

In Ecuador, which as everyone
knows is in South America.

Right.

Anyway, I realized that there
are a lot of doctors there

who are missing their families
and need cheering up.

So I arranged for us to do a special
holiday performance for all of them.

So we're gonna be in South
America for Christmas?

How does that help Lily?

No! No! We'll be home
before Christmas.

I worked it out so
that after we perform,

we get to bring Lily's
dad home with us.

Do you think my dad would like
pink glitter on his ornament

or hot pink glitter?

What grown man doesn't
like hot pink glitter?

Oh, great.

Because I made you this.

Oh!

A headband.

A hot pink glittery headband.

Thank you.

Put it on.

Twinkles, more bells!

Tinsel, more cheer!

Elf up, tinsel.

There's no crying
in Santa's village.

Marshmallow, those candy cane
socks need to be knee high!

Pull them up!

Or I'll throw you in the brig!

You mean the gingerbread house?

Just pull them up.

Where's Jingletoes?

On your feet, snow maggot!

Sheesh. Ever since you got promoted,
you've been acting like a drill sergeant.

How would you know? All
you've done is sleep.

Yeah, but your constant
yelling keeps waking me up.

Santa's work is
serious business.

We have t-minus 24 hours
until operation Christmas.

Now hustle up.

I need you to scrape the gum
off the candy cane fence

and clean up the reindeer poop.

We don't have a reindeer.

Oh. Well, something
pooped back there.

So clean it up!

I'll get right on that.

Oh!

I think I hear
Santa calling you.

You better hurry.

It might be an "elf-mergency."

Great giggling gumdrops!

I'm coming Santa.

All right, elves.

Gingerbread has gone too far.

And I am sick of it!

Yeah! He said he's gonna put
me on Santa's naughty list

just 'cause I handed out
non-regulation candy canes.

Time for this
gingerbread to crumble.

Oh, good.

You made it.

It was just a quick
five hour flight.

And a four hour ride
on a chicken truck.

Then a hike for three hours
-through the jungle. -Yeah.

And then we canoed
down a ten mile river.

Well, the important
thing is you're here.

I'm Dr. salt, the
charity coordinator.

We spoke on the phone.

Hey, is that a chicken
bone in your hair?

Probably.

How is it that we took
the exact same trip

and you look like that
and I look like this?

You fell into that
swamp and I didn't.

- Yeah.
- Plus...

That howler monkey really
took a liking to you.

So, are you ready to start?

I know I am.

Oh! Oh!

I was hoping you could
open with "heart beat."

You know, 'cause we're doctors.

Huh? Huh!

What's up, physicians
without fences?

Yeah!

No, no, no. There's only 12.
We're done.

Oh.

Thank you, Ecuador!

Which is in South America.

That was great. Thank you.

We don't get much music up here.

Well, doctor Roberts does some
karaoke, but it's pretty brutal.

Linda, wait!

You're great at other things,
like appendectomies!

Anyway, your concert cheered us up
and made our Christmas feel special.

Well, we wanted to thank you for
helping out with our student, Lily.

She's gonna be so excited when we
bring her dad home for the holidays.

Oh... about that...

I probably should have
said this earlier.

Lily's dad isn't here.

What?

He got an emergency phone
call this morning.

He had to leave on a
special medical mission.

Well, when is he coming back?

I'm sorry, I have no idea.

It could be days,
it could be weeks.

Could it be minutes?

Nope, just days or weeks.

So we came all this way and now
we have to go home empty-handed?

We got Lily's hopes
up for nothing.

Looks like we just ruined a
little girl's Christmas.

Hey!

The outgoing canoe doesn't
leave for another two hours.

You guys wanna hang
out, do some karaoke?

49, 50!

Disgraceful!

You should be able to load that
sleigh in 30 seconds, tops.

Again!

Where in the blitzen
have you been?

The elves and I have had enough!

And we're taking back control.

This is a merry, merry mutiny.

You're going down, gingerbread!

That's it, you're all going
on Santa's naughty list.

Santa's elves are always nice.

Attack!

Oh, oh, oh!

Don't do that!

I've been hit, I've been hit!

What the ho, ho, ho is going on?

Jingletoes, marshmallow, this
is very un-elf-like behavior.

I'm afraid you have to
hand in your bells.

Aw!

But I love being an elf.

Don't worry, kid.

The first time getting fired is always
the hardest, but it'll get easier.

Santa, wait!

It's not their fault.

It's mine.

I just wanted Christmas
to be perfect

and I ended up acting
like a real scrooge.

I'm sorry.

Please don't put them
on the naughty list.

Well, well, well, gingerbread, what
Christmas is really all about is the...

I don't have time for this.

You know what? It's Christmas Eve,
got lots of presents to deliver.

Figure this out yourselves.

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

So does this mean
I'm still an elf?

Hey, no one could replace
you, marshmallow.

Yes!

I'm sorry, guys.

I guess I got a little
out of control.

Maybe it's the Christmas spirit
talking, but I forgive you.

I know you were just trying
to be good at your job.

I don't understand it,
but I can respect it.

Thanks, Jingletoes.

Hey, look, you two are
under the mistletoe!

What are you waiting for?

The sooner you tell Lily her
dad isn't coming, the better.

I know.

Come on, Ally. Time to break
a little girl's heart.

And then give her these
gifts to dull the pain.

That's what my parents did
when my hamster died.

They got me a bike.

I cry every time I ride it.

Hey, Lily!

Can we talk to you for a second?

Sure.

Sometimes we want
something so badly,

and it feels like it's the most
important thing in the world,

but when you look at
the big picture...

Your dad's not coming home.

Merry Christmas!

What?

I am so sorry! We really tried.

Ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Oh, I'm just making a quick stop
to drop off a very special present

for a very special little girl.

Daddy!

Santa, how did you do it?

Oh, well...

Bringing someone home
from a far-off country,

well, that is a tall
order even for Santa.

Luckily, I had the
help of my head elf.

Dez?

It's true!

But Dr. salt told us that Lily's
dad was off on a special mission.

Yeah, this was it.

A special mission to heal a
little girl's broken heart.

I set it all up.

Uh, why didn't you tell us?

We literally fought off
wild animals in the jungle.

I did tell you.

I said Santa and I were gonna
bring home Lily's dad.

I just had to make a couple calls, charge
a plane ticket to your credit card,

and voila! Here he is!

This is the best Christmas ever!

Thanks for helping
Santa, gingerbread.

Can we do our song now?

I'm not getting any younger.

That's a great idea.

Thank you for coming to our special
holiday family and friends night.

Now Austin, Ally, and the
kids would like to dedicate

a special song they wrote
to Lily and her dad.

You open yours first.

No, you open yours first.

No, you open yours first.

- No, you open...
- No...

Oh, for the love of
fruitcake, just open them.

Okay.

No way!

My favorite photo of us!

Wait, it's my
favorite photo of us.

I swear, if you guys get any cuter,
next year we're cancelling Christmas.

Trish, you go next.

The cheetah print handbag
I emailed you all about?

How did you know?

Oh, there's one
more for you, Dez.

It's from Santa.

Aw, Santa must have
carved that for you.

Well, he better go back
to carving school.

What the heck is this?

Uh, it's obviously a train.

Mine are better.