Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 12 - Comebacks & Crystal Balls - full transcript

Hear ye, hear ye.

Hear ye, hear ye.

I hereby call to order the first team
Austin meeting in many a fortnight,

and put forth the decree that
we don our tricorn hats.

Dez, why are you
talking like that?

And why are you
dressed like that?

I don't know. It's been
so long since we had

a team Austin meeting that I
don't remember what to do.

Oh, usually you make weird suggestions
and act like a total doof.

Oh, good. So I'm doing
the right thing.

Well, since Jimmy starr lifted
Austin's performance ban,



I've got an announcement.

Guess who booked Austin's
comeback concert!

Thank you!

Trish, that's amazing!

Oh, it's gonna feel so good
to be back up on stage again.

It's gonna feel so good to have a
best friend I can be proud of again.

Thanks?

This show is gonna be huge.

Your fans haven't seen
you perform in so long.

They're going to expect
something incredible.

Which means we need a
spectacular entrance.

Lucky for you, I've had a lot
of time to think about this,

so I have a few ideas.

Number one:



Ride in on a camel.

Could be one hump or two, but
two's a little more expensive.

Ride in on an ostrich.

Could be male or female, but
male's a little more violent.

Ride in on a reindeer.

Regular or flying, flying
ones are only seasonal.

Ride in on a whale.

Killer or humpback. Humpback
has a bigger blowhole

if you want to shoot
fireworks out of it.

Okay, just one more store.

Austin, I know you're excited,

but you already bought 12
different jacket options

for your comeback performance.
Just pick one.

Well, I can't choose.
They're all so different.

Really?

What's the difference
between these two?

This one's sky blue and
this one's blue sky.

Hey, check it out!

A fortune teller. Maybe
she can help me decide.

Ha! Good one.

What goofball is gonna walk up to
a stranger in the mall and say,

"here's my money.
Tell me my future."

Here's my money,
tell me my future.

Welcome, seekers.

I am miss Claire.

Miss Claire voyant.

Really? Claire voyant?

Your name literally
means fortune teller?

I bet that's not what it says
on your driver's license.

Huh, it does.

I tell only the truth.

Well, I did lie on
my dating profile.

I don't really like foreign
films or outdoor activities.

Now, would you like a
glimpse into your destiny?

Sure. What do you got?

You, Ally Dawson, will have an
unexpected visitor from a far-off place.

Wait, how did you know my name?

You're famous and I'm a fan.

So what's the crystal
ball say about me?

Don't touch my ball.

Oh.

Why?

Because it's a magical object
that connects its users

to the mysteries
of the universe?

No, because it's an
expensive wi-fi router

that connects its user to the
mysteries of the Internet.

Ha! So you admit you're a fake.

Oh, no. Those with the gift don't
need a phony prop to see the future.

So what do you see for me?
I bet it's awesome.

My big comeback show is coming up
so you probably see me rocking out,

wearing a really cool jacket.

Maybe it's sky blue,
maybe it's blue sky...

your great expectations
will end in disaster!

Failure is in your future.

So...

I should go with a vest then?

I mean, should I be worried?

Nothing can go wrong with
my comeback show, right?

Of course not. That fortune teller has
no idea what she's talking about.

Yeah, stop worrying about her and
start worrying about your concert.

That psychic stuff
is a bunch of hooey.

No, it's not.

My grandmother had the sight.

When I was thirteen, she
predicted my voice would change.

And I'd start growing
facial hair.

Dez, that's puberty.

Okay, Ally. Whatever
you want to believe.

There's no way this concert
will be a disaster.

Everything will be perfect.

Starting with these
posters I had printed up.

Why does it say Austin Goon?

What?

Uh...

No big deal. I'll just fix them.

Good thing I only made 1,000.

Dez, let's talk about
my actual performance.

How are the plans for my
grand entrance coming?

Well, I've got good
news, bad news.

Good news, bad news, good news,
bad news, and good news.

Good news, I found the two-hump
camel we've been looking for.

- Oh.
- She ran away.

I found a backup camel
that's even cuter.

- Oh!
- Bad news:

He also ran away.

Good news... can you just skip
ahead to the final good news?

I came up with an even better
idea for your entrance.

Behold...

The confetti cannon!

Awesome!

- How fun!
- Cool!

Let's test it out. Pretend it's the
beginning of my show and announce me.

Ladies and gentlemen, the
one, the only Austin Goon!

Dez!

That's what the poster says.

Hello, Miami!

Ow.

Mmm, probably should have
tested it out on a dummy first.

I know where we can find one.

Okay, so I know the confetti
cannon may have had some kinks.

No kidding. A piece of
confetti scratched my eye

and now I have to wear
this stupid patch.

Don't worry buddy,
I got you covered.

Here. You might want to get
started on the other 999.

This is a disaster.

My big comeback performance
is gonna be a failure,

just like miss Claire predicted.

Austin, come on.

You know there isn't any
truth to that psychic stuff.

It's just a coincidence.

Besides, your eye will be
better by the concert.

Yeah, and if it isn't we'll get
you a pirate hat and a peg leg

and you can open with
"steal your hearrrt."

Yeah, and then "who you arrre."

- Oh, oh and then...
- I get it.

Okay, let's focus
on your opening.

Picture this.

A cloud of smoke, Austin
is nowhere to be found.

Suddenly...

He emerges from the fog, bathed
in the golden orb of light.

Cool!

Oh, I see.

Brilliant, Dez.

Austin's emergence from the fog symbolizes
his momentous return to the stage.

Uh-huh.

All right, peg leg, let's
take it from the top.

Hello, Miami!

This first song's called
"take it from the top."

Hit it!

Ow!

Great, now I have one
eye and a sprained toe.

You think that's bad?

When you knocked into
me, I lost a tooth.

Oh no, Dez. Which one?

Huh? Oh, not one of my teeth.

My grandma's tooth.

I keep it in my
pocket for good luck.

It's gotta be around
here somewhere.

Well, some "good luck."
Everything's gone wrong.

Now do you believe in
miss Claire's prediction?

No, I don't.

If miss Claire's
predictions are real,

then where's my visitor
from a far-off place?

Who's that?

Oh, um, it's, uh...

Wrong number.

Ally, I know when you're lying.

You always twirl your hair.

What?

Okay, fine.

It's my mom.

She just texted me that she's coming home
from Africa for a spontaneous visit.

An unexpected visitor
from a far-off place!

See, everything miss Claire
said is coming true.

Oh!

Found the tooth.

Oh, no. False alarm.

Just a breath mint.

Nope, it's a tooth.

All right. Let's settle
this once and for all.

Miss Claire, will you please tell my
friend that you made all that stuff up?

Yeah! And after that, can you tell me
the winning lotto numbers for tomorrow?

Dez, this is about Austin.

He has a big show coming up, and your
psychic mumbo jumbo is freaking him out.

I'm sorry, but I see what I see.

Your fate is sealed.

See, I told you. Now, let's go.

Hang on!

What if we do another reading?

Um, maybe this time you'll see
something a little more... Favorable?

Ah!

I'm now seeing...

The same thing I saw before.

Failure.

All right, all right.

I know what's going on here.

Um...

What do you see now?

Ah...

I'm now seeing

you wasting your time.

I'm not changing my prediction.

You will fail.

Well, this is making
me feel a lot better.

Hate to break it to you,
lady, but you're wrong.

My friend is going to put on a
disaster-free show this weekend.

Yeah, and there's nothing you or your
crummy crystal ball can do about it.

Yeah!

But since Ally already paid you,
what do you see in my future?

Ah.

You will soon fall in love
with a loyal, handsome,

well-mannered,
dark-haired prince

who likes cuddling and
long walks on the beach.

Oh! I knew you were
the real deal.

So, about my prince, is he...

- Trish!
- Coming.

This is all the money I have.

Tell me what you see.

Ah.

I can't shake this bad feeling
about miss Claire's prediction.

My comeback performance
can't be a failure.

This was supposed
to be my big night.

And it will be.

Your eye has healed,
your toe is better.

I think you're letting your
nerves get the best of you.

No, it's not my nerves.

I'm a confident, levelheaded guy

who's obviously been cursed
by an evil sorceress.

I'm gonna cancel the show.

But... no, you're not.

So, miss Claire got one thing right
when she predicted my mom's visit.

That doesn't mean anything.

But what about all these bad
omens that keep happening to me?

Dez's confetti cannon, Dez's
fog machine, Dez's...

wait a minute.

What's the common denominator?

I don't know.

Think about it.

No... I don't know what a
common denominator is.

It's Dez!

Everything that's gone
wrong is because of him.

I know he means well, but
when you add it all up,

maybe we need to subtract
him from the equation.

Can you stop speaking math?

I'm just saying, if you
want to avoid disaster.

Maybe he's not the right person
to plan your big entrance.

But he's so excited about it.

I can't tell him to stay away
from my big comeback performance.

That would hurt his feelings.

Well, his hurt feelings
are your hurt body parts.

Either way, someone's
getting hurt.

Hey, guys.

Just wondering, have
either of you seen a guy

oh, I don't know, dark-haired,
handsome, princely?

No? Okay, well if you do, can you
give him this glass slipper?

It has my name and ring
size on the bottom.

Thanks.

She looks good in a tiara.

Well, buddy. You
can thank me now.

Because I've come up with the
most epic entrance of all time.

Behold...

The box!

I don't know, Dez. Maybe I
don't need a big entrance.

I already have this cool
new jacket, plus, I

have 12 costume changes
throughout the show.

Since I couldn't return
any of the other jackets.

But this is going to
blow people's minds!

You're going to fly over
the audience in this box.

People will look up, and see
you dancing high above them.

They'll be looking up while
you're getting down.

It seems a little dangerous.

Ah, that's where you're wrong.

This thing is
completely unbreakable.

Once you're inside,
nothing can hurt you.

Nothing gets in.

Nothing gets out.

Wait, nothing gets out?

That's right!

Well, then how am I
supposed to get out?

You know what, maybe you
don't need a big entrance.

- Dez, get me out of here!
- I can't.

My show is tonight. What
am I supposed to do?

Don't worry, I'll
think of something.

No, don't think of anything.

Look...

I hate to say it but
I think you might be

the disaster miss Claire
was talking about.

What are you saying?

I think you know
what I'm saying.

No, I actually can't hear you in there.
What are you saying?

I can't have you be part of my
comeback performance anymore.

You need to stay away!

Just until the show's over.

Oh.

I guess miss Claire's prediction
came true for me, too.

She said I'd be betrayed
by a good friend.

Dez, wait!

Nothing's working and
we've tried everything.

I mean, the jagged, edgy thing, the
fire squirter, the bangy-bangy.

Did you just call the
hammer a "bangy-bangy"?

What? I don't know tools!

Okay, I just got off the phone
with the fire department.

They'll be here in an hour.

I'm supposed to go
on stage in an hour.

When you call the fire department,
aren't they supposed to come right away?

Yeah! When there's a fire.

I hate to break it to you,
but a pop star in a box

isn't at the top of
their priority list.

We have to leave now if we
want to make it to your show.

- We'll have them meet us at the arena.
- Yeah.

I know this seems horrible,
but look at it this way;

if you're concert is a disaster,

it means miss Claire's
predictions are coming true.

I'm gonna meet my prince.

And... big picture, isn't that
what's best for all of us?

Sorry.

Austin! Austin!

Austin! Austin!

Austin!

The fire department should
be here any minute.

Well, they better hurry!

I've been waiting
months for tonight.

I can't do my big comeback
performance from inside a box.

None of this would have
happened if it wasn't for Dez.

When I'm royalty, my
first order of business

will be to appoint
him court Jester.

He already has the pants.

You should talk.

What are you wearing?

Oh, this old thing?

Ah, it's just
something I threw on.

It's not like it's something a prince
would expect a princess to be wearing.

I feel bad about Dez.

I know this is all his fault,
but I was really hard on him.

I mean, he's my best friend.

Tonight doesn't feel right
without him by my side.

Aw.

Places.

Wait, but the fire department should be
here any minute to get him out of there.

Out of the way, ladies.
Show must go on.

Good luck, Austin.

Wait, I can't go on like this.

Ah, don't worry.
We'll rig you up

with a nice microphone so everyone
can hear you singing inside.

But how am I supposed to
do my show from in here?

I've been in the business
a long time, kid.

I've seen it all.

Trust me, you'll be all right.

Or my name isn't, uh...

Uh...

Ah, who cares what my name is.

Have a good show.

Austin! Austin! Austin!

Austin! Austin! Austin!

- Wow!
- Amazing!

Whew! That could have
gone really bad.

What?

Thank you, Miami!

Oh!

That was amazing!

Yeah!

Congratulations, Austin!
I am so proud of you!

Everyone loved you up there.

That was definitely an entrance
they've never seen before.

Dez, I don't know
how to thank you.

I guess I should start
by saying I'm sorry.

I should have known you'd
come through for me.

Hey, have I ever made
a mistake before?

18 times this week alone.

Exactly!

Welcome back, bro.

So, given that Austin
had a great show,

it would appear that miss Claire's
predictions aren't always right.

So much for my loyal, handsome,
well-mannered, dark-haired prince.

Hey there, little buddy.

Where did you come from?

Oh, my drummer's dog just had puppies
and he's looking for homes for them.

You're a handsome
boy, yes you are!

Sit!

Oh, it's so well-mannered!

Oh!

Oh, look!

This collar says his
name is prince.

And I'm guessing he likes
long walks and cuddling.

My prince has finally arrived.

Aw!

I still can't believe
that concert last night.

Austin, you were amazing.

I'm just glad my comeback is out
of the way and I can just be back.

So, how's your prince, Trish?

Oh, I am totally
in love with him.

Plus, he obeys commands way
better than my last boyfriend.

So, after all that, every
one of miss Claire's

predictions came true
except for mine.

I wonder what she meant by, "your great
expectations will end in disaster.

"Failure is in your future."

Oh.

Oh, the grades for our English
paper just got posted.

Got an a.

What English paper?

The one we were supposed to write
on the book great expectations.

You didn't do yours, did you?

I was so worried about my
comeback, I forgot all about it.

Which means "your great
expectations will end in disaster.

"Failure is in your future."

Oh!

Aw.

Give me that puppy.

There, now I feel better.

Aw.