Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 11 - Bad Seeds & Bad Dates - full transcript

Guys, you know what
we should do tonight?

See the new Zaliens movie!

Oh, yeah! Zaliens 24:

Zaliens vs. Cyborgs. They
said, "We'll be back,"

And they are!

Alien brain suck!

I hear the first four hours
of the movie are really good.

But then it gets kinda slow.

But then the last
two hours are epic!

You know what else
we could do tonight?

Not waste nine hours of
our lives on that movie.



Good morning, everybody!

Isn't it a beautiful day?

Hey, Dez! Good to
see you, buddy!

Uh, dad, are you feeling okay?

Yeah?

- You're hugging Dez.
- I'm just happy.

You don't seem like yourself.

Maybe he's not himself.

Maybe Zaliens replaced Lester
with a cyborg, like in the movie.

Let's squirt water on him and
see if he short-circuits.

Oh, Dez.

Your shenanigans always
make me chuckle.

They do?

Well, I just came by to see where you
hung all the paintings I made for you,



you know, of the giraffes
doing people stuff.

Oh! Uh... We're still looking for
the perfect place to put them.

Right now, we're keeping
them in that trash...

Painting... storage...
container bucket.

Wait, that trash can's a painting
storage container bucket?

Ugh. I just threw a
banana peel in there.

Anyhoo, I'm off to paint
some more giraffes.

I've had this amazing surge
of creativity lately.

Oh! You guys ordered a pizza.

Let me get that for you.

Extra 15 cents for you.

Did he just pay for our pizza?

He is not well.

Wait a minute.

Look at my dad's paintings.

Giraffes sharing a milkshake.

Giraffes cuddling in a gondola.

Giraffes doing the tango!

That actually looks
like the mambo.

Are you sure? I
think it's a salsa.

Guys, obviously,
my dad is in love.

That's why he's painting
all this romantic stuff.

He must be secretly dating.

- Oh!
- Wow!

Your dad is secretly dating...

A giraffe?

I can't believe my
dad is dating again.

I should've put that together
when he bought cologne

instead of rubbing a magazine ad all
over himself like he normally does.

Hey, a free sample
is a free sample.

I really want my dad to be happy, but
I guess I always held on to the hope

that my parents might
get back together.

I know exactly how you feel.

I've always held on to
the hope that Zinga

Juice would bring back
the pumpkin smoothie.

But I have to come to terms with the fact
that it was for a limited time only.

And that's a reality I have
to live with every day.

Okay, guys, now that you've
practiced your song with me,

Dez is gonna teach you how
to make a music video.

That weirdo?

Hey, the circus called.
They want their pants back.

Mikey, that's not very nice.

That's okay, Herman.

I actually did get these
pants from a clown.

Who's that kid?

That's Mikey. He just signed up.

He's a nightmare.

I told you!

I'm not going to listen to
you until you give me candy!

Please tell me he's just
doing this one workshop

and we only have to deal
with him for a week.

Sorry. Mikey signed up for three months,
and I got all the money up front,

and I already bought
this new jacket with it.

- Okay, it's really cute.
- Yeah.

I want candy!

I want candy!

Does anybody have some candy?
Anybody?

I had some, but Mikey
took it from me.

Oh! Look what I found
in my clown pants.

Cotton candy.

Here you go, you little monster.

Look! I calmed him down.
Piece of cake.

Now I want cake!

Oh! I have a cream puff.

I told you, I want cake!

The first thing we have to do is decide
on a concept for our music video.

Remember, there
are no bad ideas.

Here's a concept!

You're a fart bucket!

Okay. Uh, like I said,
there are no bad ideas...

But I am not writing
that one down.

Whatever. You're
still a fart bucket.

All right, well, why don't we see
what else you guys came up with.

Oh.

Ooh!

"Dancing barefoot in
the sand." I like it.

"Winter wonderland"? Brrr.

Read it!

"You're a fart bucket."

What does a fart
bucket even look like?

You!

All right, I walked
right into that one.

Okay, let's work on our
dance to the video.

Would anyone like to
demonstrate a step-kick?

Me, me, me! I'm great
at step-kicking!

Boom.

Nice job, Herman.

You get a lollipop.

Whoo-hoo!

I always give out lollipops
when people follow directions.

Mikey, would you like
to try the step-kick?

Okay.

- Step.
- Ow.

Kick.

Thank you!

Technically, he did
follow directions.

Blech! I hate lollipops!

I don't get it.

Positive reinforcement
usually works.

Well, I tried to be nurturing
with Mikey, but it was no use.

How do you nurture
a human nightmare?

You two know nothing
about children.

Where is the little brat?

He's up in the practice room,

most likely breaking
something...

Or someone.

When it comes to bad behavior, you
just have to lay down the law.

I'm going to go and let
Mikey know who's boss.

Yeah, he's a monster.

You guys are amateurs.

I'll take over the music video.

I'm great with kids.

The key is to think
like a 10-year-old.

Wow. It looks like Mikey's
actually listening to Dez.

Dez, how did you
get him to behave?

It's simple.

You just got to find out
what a kid's passion is.

Mikey likes to edit, Herman likes
to say he's great at stuff,

and Stewie just likes
to lick things.

Anyway, it turns out Mikey's
a natural at editing.

He's doing the final cut
of the music video.

Okay, Dez, I'm finished.

Great!

This is gotta see.

Wow. This looks amazing.

What a bunch of fart buckets!

I'm usually great at not getting upset,
but now I'm having a really hard time!

Okay, okay, let's take a break.

Let's take a break.

This is terrible.

We've got to kick Mikey out.

Sorry. It's not funny at all.

We've got to kick Mikey out.

Mikey's mom is on her
way to pick him up.

As soon as she gets here, you tell
her that we're kicking Mikey out.

Why do I have to tell her?

Because everyone knows
you're the mean one.

What?

See? Now you're yelling
for no reason.

Hey, honey, can I talk
to you for a sec?

I'll be downstairs.

Got to warn you, Mr. Dawson.

She's in one of her moods.

Ally, um...

This is hard for me to tell you.

Dad, I know you're
dating someone.

That wasn't hard at all.

How did you know?

Your last batch of
giraffe paintings.

They're all so romantic.

What can I say? I'm
a romantic guy.

Anyway, I know it must be weird for
you to think of me dating someone.

Yeah, it... it was, at first, but
I really want you to be happy.

I really am, I mean,
Joanna's an amazing person,

and I promise I'll introduce
her to you really soon.

Okay. Just promise you won't
keep any more secrets from me.

I don't want to
suddenly discover

a painting of two giraffes
in a tuxedo and veil.

- Boom.
- Boom.

Ally, his mom is here.

Okay.

I guess we have to do this.

Great. Use that anger.

Hi, Mrs. Thompson.

Ally has something she
wants to tell you.

I just want to let you know, Mikey
is having a great time here.

He says you guys
really inspire him.

Aw.

Well, thanks.

But I actually, um...

Wanted to let you know that...

Mikey is...

Honey?

Yes?

Huh?

I... I guess we're
doing this now.

Uh, Ally, this is joanna.

Ally is your daughter?

This is joanna?

Yeah.

What a coincidence!

My little Mikey is
taking classes here.

I can't believe I didn't put together
that this Ally was your Ally.

So, what was it you
wanted to tell me?

Uh, I was...

Just gonna say that

Mikey is...

Really talented, and we are thrilled
to have him here at the music factory.

Yeah. It's not like
he's obnoxious

or has any sort of behavioral
problems whatsoever.

So your dad is
dating Mikey's mom?

Wow.

That must have made it super
awkward when you kicked him out.

I didn't kick him out.

I can't have the first thing I say
to my dad's new girlfriend be

"your kid is a nightmare."

Can it be the second
thing you say to her?

Ally, I know it's weird, but
you have to talk to your dad.

Look what Mikey
did to my guitar.

"Good job being a ding-dong."

Ohh! I was a total ding-dong
yesterday, and I didn't get anything.

Guys, my dad is so happy.

I don't want to do
anything to ruin that.

Okay, Ally, let's say
we don't say anything,

your dad keeps
dating Mikey's mom,

things go really well,
and Lester proposes.

Then she becomes your stepmom,
and then Mikey will become...

The wedding videographer.

No, he'd be my stepbrother.

He could be both.

I can't live with that kid
for the rest of my life.

Dinners, holidays,
family vacations.

Oh, who am I kidding?
My dad would never pay

for a vacation for
a family of four.

What if you guys have
to share a room?

What if you have to share
the family toothbrush?

Your family shares a toothbrush?

Yours doesn't?

This can't happen.

I have to go talk to my dad and
tell him the truth about Mikey.

So, if Mikey's mom and Ally's dad get
married, what does that make me?

Still a ding-dong.

Cool. Just checking.

Hey, honey.

I got us lunch from this new
place, stuff 'n a cone.

Would you like a hot dog in
a cone or pizza in a cone?

So it's just stuff... in a cone?

Yeah. That's why they
call it stuff 'n a cone.

You know, I'm actually
not that hungry.

Listen, dad, uh, I wanted
to talk to you about Mikey.

Oh, I am so relieved you said
he was such a great kid.

Can you imagine how
awkward it would be

for me and joanna if you and
Mikey didn't get along?

Yeah.

That would be really awkward.

Exactly how awkward would it be?

Really awkward.

'Cause I really like her.

Hey, who knows?

One day we could all be
one big happy family.

Ally, you're crying.

Oh, I am just so happy for you!

Thanks, sweetie.

Oh! I told joanna
you'd babysit Mikey

while we went out for
her birthday tonight.

I can't take any
more happy news.

Thank you so much for helping
me out with Mikey, guys.

I really want to make
things work with this kid.

- No problem.
- Any time.

You're still paying
us 50 bucks, right?

Hey, Mikey.

Our parents seem to really like each
other, so I think it would be great

if you and I could get along.

Whatever. Now entertain me.

She could sing you a song.

Not a fan.

Why don't we all play a game?

Ooh, let's play cops and robbers, and I
only say that because kids like that game,

not because I already
bought the hats and badges.

Okay. I'll be the sheriff.

Ohh! I wanted to be the sheriff.

Oh! Yay!

We are gonna have so much fun!

Yay! This is so much fun!

You're not gonna
untie me, are you?

Oh, Ally.

I didn't even double-knot those.

You really need to work on
your upper-body strength.

Hey, I can do three push-ups.

I mean, not in a row, but
throughout the course of the day.

Well, while you're tied up, I'm going
to go mess up our parents' date so bad

that my mom breaks
up with your dad.

Look, Mikey, I understand
what you're going through.

Clearly you're just upset that
your mom's dating someone new.

I don't care that
my mom's dating.

I just care that she's
dating a doof like your dad.

See ya!

You won't get far.

My friends are gonna untie
me and we'll stop you.

You mean those friends?

The friends that I just locked
up in the soundproof booth?

Good luck getting out
without a door handle!

We should have let
Dez be the sheriff.

Hey, Ally! Have you
seen my baseball mit?

Herman.

Thank goodness you're here.

Oh, there it is!

Well, bye, Ally.

Herman, wait! I'm
all tied up here.

You need to let them out
of the sound booth.

Oh! I'm great at letting
people out of sound booths!

Wait! I thought we were
supposed to wait in jail

until sheriff Mikey lets us out.

No! He just tricked us, so he could
lock us into the sound booth.

Man, if you can't trust a
sheriff, who can you trust?

I can't believe he tied me up.

Well, you did rob a
bank at high noon.

Come on! We have to
get to the restaurant

before Mikey makes joanna
break up with my dad.

No way!

Your dad took joanna to fancy's?

But this place is so...

Fancy.

He must really be in love.

I know, right?

For my birthday, he took
me to a lost and found

and told me to pick out
whatever I wanted.

Okay, I see your dad and
joanna, but where's Mikey?

Right here.

You doofs just got here just in time
to see Ally's dad stink this place up.

What did you do?

I'm about to drive this stink
bomb right into your dad's chair.

And in five seconds, it'll go off,
making your dad a real live fart bucket.

Oh!

Now instead of Mr. Dawson smelling
like a fart bucket, I do.

Aw.

Well, that's wasn't
all I had planned.

See that special cake your
dad bought for my mom?

I replaced the candle
with a firecracker.

The cake is gonna blow
up and ruin their date.

Not if I can help it.

Oh!

Ally? What are you doing here?

Saving you.

Everybody, down!

I thought you said
that was a firework.

I lied.

But now you're gonna see some
fireworks between Ally and my mom.

Ally, why did you ruin
my birthday cake?

I'm sorry, mom, I
tried to stop her,

but Ally was determined
to break you guys up.

What? No!

Mikey is the one who came down
here to break you guys up.

He tied me to a chair, locked
my friends in the sound booth,

and then told me he replaced the candle
on your cake with a firecracker.

What? Obviously she's
making all that up.

Oh, man, I don't
know who to believe.

Dez, you were there!

I'm sorry, but I don't think
I can be in a relationship

with someone who's daughter is
such a bratty troublemaker.

Well, I could never date anyone

who could say those sorts of
things about my daughter.

Come on, Mikey. We're going.

Fyi: Mikey's no longer welcome
at the music factory!

And there are no refunds!
I'm keeping this jacket!

Oh my gosh, dad.
I feel terrible.

You must be heartbroken.

It's not that.

Joanna was gonna pick up the tab for
dinner, but she left without paying.

She was gonna pay for her
own birthday dinner?

That's what made her so special.

Sorry we locked you in
the sound booth, Herman.

Lunch is on us.

Everything looks so good.

I don't know what I'm
gonna eat first.

I'm gonna go with the
burrito in a cone.

I'm gonna go with the
side of ribs in a cone.

Oh! Dibs on the hot dog
on a stick in a cone.

I think I'll try the
meatball sub in a cone...

And the lemonade in a cone.

I still don't get this place.

Oh, it's very simple, Ally.

It's stuff in a cone.

Yeah, I get that.

It's just that the cone
part seems so unnecessary.

Come on, try something.

Fine. I'll have ice
cream in a cone.

Ooh. That only comes in a cup.