Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 2, Episode 13 - Couples & Careers - full transcript

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Ally, you're gonna be
on a magazine cover.

And I've been in
a few magazines.

Let me show you how
to pose like a pro.

Bam!

I don't know. I've taken a lot
of employee I.D. pictures.

I think you should do
something more like this.

Maybe I can try something
that combines the two.

Hi, Dez.

Hey, Ally.

I'm flattered, but
not interested.



I'm not flirting with you.
I'm practicing poses.

I'm gonna be on the cover of Miami Music.
They named me their songwriter of the year.

Woo! That's a relief.

A photographer's coming over
tonight to take her picture.

Hey, I haven't gotten fired
from Tranquility Spa yet.

Why don't you come over for a
day of beauty and relaxation?

Ooh, I can't. The South Beach
chili cook-off is today.

Not you. Ally.

I have too much to do today. I have
to pick up my dress from the cleaners

and go to my Grandma's to borrow
her necklace for the photo shoot.

- Can't you wear just any necklace?
- No, I really wanna wear that one.

It's been in my family
for generations.

- It would mean a lot to her.
- I can get all that stuff for you.

Wait. Is it the Grandma that
makes delicious cookies



or the one that tells really boring
stories and smells like cabbage?

- Cookies.
- Yes! Woo!

But, Austin, you said you would help
me with the chili cook-off today.

There's plenty of
time for everything.

Ally, go to the spa. You
deserve a relaxing day.

Thanks, Austin.

Trish, let's go have
our day of beauty.

Wish I could get a massage. This chili
cook-off has really stressed me out.

Hey, Trish, could you give
me a quick little neck rub?

Really? You want me to put
my hands on your neck?

On second thought, I'm good.

♪ When the crowd wants more,
I bring on the thunder.

♪ 'Cause you've got my back,
and I'm not going under.

♪ You're my point,
you're my guard.

♪ You're the perfect chord.

♪ And I see our names
together on every billboard.

♪ We're headed for the
top, we've got it on lock.

♪ We'll make 'em say "hey!"

♪ And we'll keep rockin'.

♪ Oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya.

♪ Do it without ya,
be here without ya.

♪ It's no fun when
you're doing it solo.

♪ With you it's like, "whoa".
Yeah, and I know.

♪ I own this dream.

♪ 'Cause I got you with me.

♪ There's no way I could
make it without ya.

♪ Do it without ya,
be here without ya.

All right, here are the
pot's, what else do we need?

Let's check the list.

Probably shouldn't have left
this on the cutting board.

Anyone seen this redheaded...

Dezperado?

Hi, Chuck. Still carrying around
that stupid wanted poster?

Nobody thinks it's funny.

Wanted for making bad chili.

Classic.

Thought about where you're gonna put
your Second Place certificate this year?

I'll probably frame it and
give it to my Grandma.

She'll put it on her 'fridge and...
wait.

I'm not coming in Second Place.
I'm gonna win.

Yeah, just because you beat him
last year and the year before

that and the year before that
and the year before that,

doesn't mean you
beat him every year.

Uh, yeah, it does.

I'll see you out at the chili
round-up at high noon.

The chili cook-off's at 3:00.

You know what I mean.

Oh, we'll be there,
Chucky the kid.

Because I'm the fastest chili maker
in the west... side of the Mall.

Draw!

Man, he's good.

Adios, muchachos.

You're not worried, are you?

Not at all. The spiciest
chili always wins,

and this year, I have
a secret weapon.

They call it the
Your Mommy Pepper.

Because one taste and you're
crying for your mommy.

Chuck'll be crying for his mommy,
because you're finally gonna beat him.

All I need is one little scoop.
Now we have to be careful.

You do not wanna get this on your finger...
ow! My finger!

My shirt!

Whoa!

You are so gonna win this year.

Spending the day at a beauty
spa was a great idea, Trish.

Shh! We're supposed
to be relaxing.

Trish! What are you doing?

You're supposed to be working.

I am, Madame Trinka.

I'm showing this customer
how to properly relax.

I need you to wash the
towels, refill the waters,

and wipe down the
massage tables.

I'm watching you.

Don't worry, I'm working.
I'm working.

I guess I have to go pretend to work
now, but you stay here and relax.

This coconut water is kind of...

Thick.

That's massage oil.

Oh!

Sorry. I probably shouldn't
have put that there.

I guess it does kind
of look like water.

Do you need anything
else before I go?

My foot bath's getting
kind of cold.

The hot water's all
the way in the back.

I'll just put a couple
of these hot rocks in.

Why do you have hot rocks?

We use them for hot
rock massages.

It's supposed to be
really relaxing.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

There's nothing
relaxing about that.

I said supposed to be.

Oh!

I know your chili powder's hot, but do
you really need to wear a gas mask?

Oh, this isn't for the powder. There's
a hundred people here eating chili.

Do you wanna breathe that air?

You're right. Got
another one of those?

Grade-a hot beef coming through.

Oh, yeah, and I've
got my chili, too.

Hoo-hoo!

You know, I'm glad they put us next
to each other this year, Chucky.

I won't have to walk so far to
laugh in your face when I win.

- Oh!
- You got burned...

Like my tongue will be
when I eat Dez's chili.

What up?!

Blondie, you wouldn't know good chili
if it knocked on your door and said...

"Hi. Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm good chili".

Chili wouldn't do that.

Hey, Dez, I'm here to
take my test on Chile.

Nelson, I want you to
taste test my chili,

not take a test on the
country of Chile.

Aw, nartz!

You mean I learned Santiago is the
capital of Chile for nothing?

Well, we have two hours to
kill while my chili simmers.

Great. That'll give me
time to get Ally's dress

and get the necklace
from her Grandma.

Nelson, ready to test my chili?

Well?

It's not hot at all.

Ugh! You have an unusually
high tolerance for spicy food.

I'll know my chili's hot enough
to win when you can taste it.

I mean, if a regular person
tasted my chili right now,

they'd be sweating like crazy.
They wouldn't be able to speak.

Their mouths would be so on fire, they'd
chug a fruit juice just to ease the pain.

But they'd quickly
realize that the acids

from the fruit would
only make it hurt worse.

Hopefully, they'd realize that the only
thing that can ease the pain is milk.

Hey, gimme that!

And that's why you're my
taste tester, Nelson.

Austin, quit sitting around.
You gotta go get Ally's stuff.

You shrunk the bath towels!

You spill wheat grass juice everywhere
and left it for me to clean up.

And you make wheat grass
juice too strong.

Look, you stained my hands.

All I did was ask for a raise.

A simple yes or no
would have been fine.

No raise!

Sorry about your feet.

The good news is Miami Music
magazine will probably

only shoot you
from the waist up.

That volumizer I put in your hair
is gonna make it look great.

There's only one
way to find out.

Um...

Maybe we can get the photographer to
focus on that pretty smile of yours.

You drank the wheat
grass, didn't you?

Yes, why?

- What? Want some?
- Mnh-mnh.

How do my teeth look?

Much better.

But I would still smile with my
mouth closed for the picture.

I can't do the photo
shoot looking like this.

Look, we'll fix your teeth.
We'll fix your hair.

And if we can't,
we'll put a hat on.

Just relax.

Here, put your hands
in this paraffin wax.

It's really soothing.

I don't think I can re...

Ooh, that does
kind of feel nice.

See? And I'll put this
face mask on you.

I'll have you looking and
feeling as good as new.

Close your eyes...

Relax.

Hi, you're here for
your massage, right?

I'm so sorry. Ingrid
went home sick.

Come back tomorrow.

Hi, Ingrid. I'm ready
for my massage.

Can you taste the heat?

I taste a Second
Place certificate.

Ugh!

Come here, little feller,
and taste some real chili.

My chili's so hot, you have to stick
your tongue in fire to cool it off.

Oh, yeah? Well, my chili's so hot,
NASA uses it for rocket fuel.

My chili's so hot, it's the second
leading cause of Global Warming.

Well, my chili's so hot,

you have to put a smoke detector in
your underwear before you eat it.

My chili's so hot, they're
thinking about renaming the sun...

"My chili".

Yeah, well, my chili's
so hot, it...

It...

What's the matter? Can't think of
anything else? Don't feel bad.

I also won first place in
the smack talk showdown.

You know what? That's it!

Hey, Dez, I got Ally's stuff.

Oh, sorry it took so long.
Ally lied.

It was the boring story Grandma.

Apparently, this necklace has
been in the family for 200 years.

It was originally a gift to
a Duchess from a pirate.

Wow, a pirate?

Or it could have been a pilot.

It was hard to tell. Granny
didn't have her teeth in.

Whoa, did you just put
that whole jar in there?

Yep. I am not losing to
that cow-jerk again.

Taste this, Nelson.

It's got a whole jar of
Your Mommy Pepper in it.

Well?

Mommy!

Whoa! The necklace.

Get a ladle, quick.

- Where'd the pot go?
- It's on the judges' table.

All the pots look the same. There's no way
to know which one has the necklace in it.

We are in so much trouble.

That's right. You're in trouble.

Your chili's so bad, when
people are having a bad day,

they say they're having
a Dez's chili day.

I think I'm having
a Dez's chili day.

We've gotta find that necklace.

Okay, but we gotta be careful.

I don't wanna do anything that
might make me lose the cook-off.

Excuse me. Could you tell
me which chili's mine?

I just need to check
it real quick.

Step away from the chili!

No one touches these pots until
after the blind taste test.

For all I know, you could be
sabotaging someone else's chili.

Do I look like someone
that would do that?

Do I look like someone who
collects porcelain cats?

We've all got things to hide.

But there's something
special in that pot.

I'll be the Judge of that.

Literally. Because
I'm the Judge.

So you're saying there's no way I
can touch my chili just for a sec?

- Oh, there's a way.
- Great.

- If you want to be disqualified.
- Oh! Never.

Now get out of here. I don't
want any beef from you.

Literally. Because I'm
judging Vegetarian chilis.

What are we gonna do now?

We're gonna look
through all this chili

without letting anyone
know what we're doing.

Hey, Judge.

How do you become a chili Judge?

Do you Judge any other foods?

Stew, breakfast
cereals, cobblers?

Hey, look, it's a space shuttle!

Here's my idea. I'm gonna throw
this football to that Judge.

When he tries to catch it, he'll
drop his bowl on the floor.

Then we'll be able to see if the necklace
is in it, it's a foolproof plan.

Hey, catch.

Okay, if we can't get to the chili from
the top, we'll go in from the bottom.

Dez, I don't think this
is such a good idea.

No necklace, but I'm pretty sure I
know which one's coming in last place.

Two words... nas...

Tee.

Your skin is gonna look
so good in this photo.

Huh.

What do you mean huh?

Did I say huh?

I'm sorry. I meant to say
your entire face is pink.

What?!

Hair dye?

Seriously?

My hair, my teeth
and now my face?

Well, there's nothing
else to mess up.

Um, Trish, my hands are stuck.

I stand corrected.

Help me.

Wow, this stuff is sticky.

How have you not been fired?

Actually, I was fired
two hours ago.

Madame Trinka's right.
I'm the worst.

I just wanted you to have a nice
time before your photo shoot,

and now I've ruined everything.

I'm so sorry, Ally.

It's okay. I know
you meant well.

I'm also sorry that I just put my hands
on my face because now they're stuck!

Oh!

Ah! Ah!

Those aren't supposed
to be there.

I'm sorry, it's not funny.
It's not funny.

- No.
- No.

Aw, man, they're passing
the chili out to everyone.

Oh, great. I can't wait to see
their reactions to my chili.

I'm sure to win.

My point is there's too
much chili to look through.

We're never gonna
find the necklace.

Uh-oh, here comes
Ally and Trish.

Hmm. There's something
different about you guys.

Yeah, her face is pink, and
I don't have any eyebrows.

No, that's not it.

Ally, there's something
we have to tell you.

- I'll tell her.
- I'll tell her.

- No, I'll tell her.
- No, I'll tell her.

- Fine, you tell her.
- Fine, you tell her.

- Okay, w-w-wait, stop talking.
- Okay, w-w-wait, stop talking.

Guys, will one of you just
tell us what's going...

- Oh, come on!
- Oh, come on!

Ally, I lost your
Grandmother's necklace.

What?! That necklace has
been in my family forever.

Granny's gonna be so devastated.

We can still find it.

It's in one of those bowls of chili.
I just don't know which one.

I didn't wanna have to do this because it
could mean I lose the chili cook-off but

for you, Ally.

Attention, chili fans.

There's a hidden necklace in one
of these pots or bowls of chili.

Whoever finds it wins $1,000!

- Do any of you guys have $1,000?
- No.

We better find it before
anyone else does.

Wait, stop. You're
ruining the cook-off!

We've gone through all the chili
and no one's found my necklace.

Wait...

- There's one bowl left.
- Oh!

The necklace has
gotta be in there.

Then that must be my chili.

Since it's the only one left for the judges
to taste, I'm automatically gonna win.

Not so fast, Red.

If I get that bowl first,
you ain't winning nothing.

Looks like it's just
me and you, Chucky.

This Mall ain't big enough
for the both of us.

Actually, the Mall's capacity is 2,847,
and that doesn't include parking lots.

Proceed.

That chili's mine.

I'm finally gonna beat you.

Not if I dump it out first.

Draw.

- I got it!
- Woo!

Let me just...

Thanks, Dez. That
was really sweet.

By the way, one of
you owes me $1,000.

Grandma, I won the chili
cook-off this year!

Make room on your 'fridge
for my first place ribbon.

Actually, make room for two.

I plan on winning the
barbecue sauce cook-off, too.

Not so fast, Red.

Gotta go, Grandma.

The barbecue sauce with the
strongest flavor wins.

And that's gonna be mine.

My sauce is so strong, it can
do 50 one-handed push-ups.

Oh, yeah?

Well, my sauce is so strong, it won an
olympic gold medal in weightlifting.

My sauce is so strong, when
Superheroes are in trouble...

They call my sauce for help.

My sauce is so strong, it's doing
a buddy cop movie with The Rock.

My sauce is so strong, they're
thinking about renaming Hercules...

"My sauce-ules".

Okay, that one doesn't
even make sense.