Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 2, Episode 14 - Spas & Spices - full transcript

Subs created by: David Coleman.

- Hey.
- What's up?

Okay! You're right on time for the
first official team Austin...

And team Ally meeting.

Our little girl's
stepping out on her own.

One sec.

Ally, it seems like only
yesterday we were standing here

picking up the pieces of
the cello Dez and I broke.

That was yesterday.

And you still owe
me $300 for it.

Let's not live in the past.



How about we get this
meeting started?

- Who are you gonna talk about first?
- We've worked out a system for that.

Dez is going to shoot a violin bow
and drumstick arrow at a target.

Observe.

And I'll do it blindfolded.

So you don't think I'm
playing favorites.

Let's just talk
about Austin first.

Austin it is.

Austin, you asked me to
book rehearsal space,

schedule a photo shoot
and update your website.

I'm happy to report that all those
things are officially on my to-do list.

Well, I'm officially...

Okay with that.

And Ally, I spoke to Jimmy Starr
about getting you a record deal.



I'm sorry, but he doesn't think
it's a good idea to sign you.

Well, that no-good hack wouldn't know
talent if it hit him over the head!

He signed me.

That guy knows what he's doing.

He thinks Ally's talented.

He just doesn't think she and Austin
should be signed to the same record label.

I guess that makes sense.

We shouldn't be competing
for Jimmy's attention.

I'm really sorry, Ally.

We'll come up with something.

Already figured it out.

I got Ally an audition
to perform at a concert,

for some other
big-name record execs!

- Oh my God!
- Yes!

Seriously?! That's
amazing, Trish!

The audition's tomorrow,
so be ready to wow them.

If you really wanna wow them,
you need two things...

The best Ally you can be...

And a boxing kangaroo!

How is that gonna help
me with the audition?

I don't know. But I
guarantee you'll wow them.

Wow.

♪ When the crowd wants more,
I bring on the thunder.

♪ 'Cause you've got my back,
and I'm not going under.

♪ You're my point,
you're my guard.

♪ You're the perfect chord.

♪ And I see our names
together on every billboard.

♪ We're headed for the
top, we've got it on lock.

♪ We'll make 'em say "hey!"

♪ And we'll keep rockin'.

♪ Oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya.

♪ Do it without ya,
be here without ya.

♪ It's no fun when
you're doing it solo.

♪ With you it's like, "whoa".
Yeah, and I know.

♪ I own this dream.

♪ 'Cause I got you with me.

♪ There's no way I could
make it without ya.

♪ Do it without ya,
be here without ya.

Okay, the key to an audition is to
have confidence, flavor and swag.

I'm not sure what two of those words
mean, so I'll focus on the confidence.

You walk in the room,
pop your collar...

Don't have a collar, so
just walk in the room.

Sing your song, bust out
a cool dance move...

And leave like you
own the place.

Oh yeah.

So I'll sing, then leave.

I don't know, Austin. I think
I gotta do this my way.

I just have to figure
out what to sing.

Well, I thought you could
sing a song you wrote for me.

But I couldn't pick one, so I
figured why not sing all of them?

Here, look.

The audition's only
two minutes long.

Right, so you gotta do it fast.

When you hear the
buzzer, switch songs.

And don't look down down.
Down down...

I love the things you do...

I can get your heart
beat beat beat...

Na na na...

Nobody...

Okay, this is ridiculous.

Oh, man. Ally's got a lot
of competition here.

Then I guess it's time to
start psyching them out.

Oh!

Do not go in there.

The producers tore me to shreds.

And trust me...

I'm brilliant.

If I can't make it, none
of you have a chance.

And just like that,
I'm in their heads.

Sounds good, Dez.

But I'm pretty sure they're
only auditioning girls.

No. Look.

She's perfect.

I'm going in.

Hydrating?

Me too.

I find water as one of
nature's little gifts.

They say to drink six to
eight glasses a day...

I drink 12.

I love you.

- Well?
- Did you get it?

- How'd it go?
- I don't know. It felt really good.

Attention, girls.

If I were in charge,
I'd pick all of you.

Well, that's a lie. I am in charge
and I'm only picking one of you.

Ally Dawson!

Oh! Thanks so much, Val.

I can't wait to write a
new song for the concert.

Oh, hon'. That's not necessary.

I know you write songs for Austin but,
I write all the songs for the group.

Group?

Wait, I thought you were
looking for a solo performer.

- Nope.
- Oops.

Here is your official cat ears,
your tail, a flea collar,

and some standard release forms.

Congrats. You're the third
member of The Stray Kitties.

Here's Country Kitty.

Meow!

And Glamour Kitty.

Meow.

Me-ow.

Welcome to the group, girl.

Kitties.

Meow.

Here, Kitty Kitty.
Come on, Kitty.

Pretty Kitty, come on. Come on.

Girls, I give you the newest
member of The Stray Kitties.

Wicked Kitty!

Val, don't you think her smoky
eyes will distract from mine?

And too much makeup is my thing.

I thought your thing
was bad dancing?

Girls! Remember, we're
Kitties, not catty.

So Ally, what do you think?

I don't know. This look
isn't who I am at all.

I know. Isn't it great?!

Greaty great great.

Anyway Val, I've spent the last
four hours in hair and makeup,

and no one's even mentioned
what song we're singing yet.

It's not about the song. It's
all about the spectacle.

Example... our song is
called "pillow fight".

So I am picturing
lots and lots...

Of feathers!

All right. Let's
start rehearsing.

Uh, the music starts, explosion,
explosion, explosion.

Lights up and boom... opening poses.
Show me!

Country Kitty!

- Meow.
- Yee-haw!

Glamour Kitty.

- Meow.
- Oh, so chic.

And Wicked Kitty! Give
me something fierce!

Meow!

We'll fix that later!
Now the dancing!

Ally, just watch what they do.
Music!

Whenever you feel
comfortable, just join in.

Thanks, I really
appreciate that.

- Join in!
- Oh! Um...

- You're in my spot.
- Oh, sorry. I didn't know.

- Now you're in my spot.
- Oh! Oh!

Pillows! Pillows!

- Ow!
- Cut cut!

Oh! I am so sorry!

Val, this just ain't working.
We don't need Wicked Kitty.

Why can't it just
be the two of us?

I'll take center stage, and then Glamour
Kitty will be my backup dancer.

Backup dancer? I think it's
obvious who the lead is.

- Me.
- No. It's me.

Ha!

I've always been number one!

Girls! Girls!

We're all stars here.

There's no "I" in "Kitties".

Actually, there are two.

And... lunch!

Austin, I cracked it!

Another cello?

We still owe Ally money for
the first one we broke.

No. Well, yes. I did
break another one.

But no! I finally came up with a
way to win over Glamour Kitty.

She's glamorous.

So if I'm gonna win her heart,
I gotta up my glam factor.

- What does that mean?
- Not a clue.

If you wanna win her over,
you gotta have swagger.

You gotta be suave.

Teach me your ways.

Watch The Master.

Looking for something?

I can do that.

Looking for something?

I think they give free refills.

You know what? I have a better
idea to win over Glamour Kitty.

Just dress nice and buy
her something expensive.

And stay away from straws.

Bonjour, Mademoiselle.

Who are you?

The better question is...

Whom aren't I?

- I don't understand.
- The name's Dez.

Just Dez.

Well, just Dez, you can
call me Glamour Kitty.

I don't have much time.

I have a lot of important,
mysterious business to attend to.

But I wanted to say,
I've seen you around...

And I like what I see.

Oh, really?

Do you see anything...

You like?

Me-ow.

There's a gift receipt
in the box...

If you wanna exchange it.

Meow ow ow.

That spells pillow fight.

No no no no. Boys allowed.

I'll hit you with my
goose down pillow.

Yeah yeah yeah!

We'll be super loud.

My cactus pillow. Will
make you say "ow".

Oh oh oh. All the
issues will work out.

I'll smack your face. With
my leather pillowcase.

Bravo, Kitties!

Bravo! Oh!

- That was horrible, right?
- It wasn't that bad.

- It was nice and loud.
- Your lips are all... dark?

Glamour Kitty had her moments.

Oh! It stunk!

- What am I gonna do?
- You gotta quit.

But I've never quit anything.

I filled in for my
grandma's bowling team

three years ago, and I still
go to the weekly games.

You can't go up in front of all
those record execs like this.

I know. I gotta tell Val I'm
leaving The Stray Kitties.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Mm-mm-mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm.

No one leaves The Stray Kitties.

You're gonna be wearing a
tail for the next five years.

What?!

Well, perhaps your manager should have read
the fine print before you signed this.

What, nobody reads
the fine print.

It's like reading the employee
handbook when you get a new job.

Yeah!

But I don't wanna
be a part of this.

You're not really gonna make me do
something I don't wanna do. Are you?

Mm. I can make you
do whatever I want.

According to this
contract, I own you.

Trish.

What contract?

Sweetie, I have six
more copies at home,

a copy on my computer and I've
already faxed a copy to my lawyer.

Yeah? Well, we're not
cleaning up that mess.

Ally!

Sorry. Habit. Oh!

See you at the show!

And every show for the
next five years...

Wicked Kitty.

Ally, I feel terrible.

As your manager, I should have
read that contract more closely...

Or at all.

Well, if it makes you
feel any better,

Glamour Kitty agreed to go
on a date with me next week.

Why would that make
me feel better?

I don't know. Made
me feel pretty good.

What am I supposed to do? I
can't break that contract.

It's against the law.

Do you know what they do to
Kitties like me in the pound?

Ally, you're not giving
up on this opportunity.

So you think I should perform
with The Stray Kitties?

No. We're gonna get you
out of that contract,

and you're gonna
sing solo tonight.

We just need to figure out a way
to distract the other Kitties.

I'm way ahead of you. My
cat loves this thing.

Here, Glamour Kitty. Here, Glamour Kitty.
Get the little ball.

- Give me that.
- Hey!

You know they're not
actually cats, right?

That's never going to work.

Austin!

Sorry.

Okay, while Austin's taking
care of the Kitties,

we need to come up with a plan
to get Ally out of her contract.

You got anything?

I had a cat toy on a stick, but
someone took it away from me.

Forget the cat toy!

Check it out. Those tulips
set me back a pretty penny.

But Glamour Kitty's worth it.

That's it.

You just gave me an idea to
get Ally out of the group.

Ah! I see where you're
going with this.

You do?

- Totally.
- Really?

Yeah.

But maybe you should
say it out loud first.

Just follow me.

Be honest.

Do you think that my fake
eyelashes look too fake?

No. Just fake enough.

- We are gonna kill it tonight.
- If that Ally doesn't ruin it.

I know, she does not have a
talented bone in her body.

- Hey, Kitties.
- Hey, Austin Moon.

We were just talking about how
talented your friend Ally's bones are.

- Where is Ally?
- Oh. You didn't hear.

Val wanted her to have
a special entrance.

She's gonna crawl out of a trap door
center stage and start the show.

Whoa, hold up. Why does Ally
get a special entrance?

- Yeah.
- Val says she's the star of the group.

She's not the star
of the group, I am!

And if Ally's getting a
special entrance, so am I.

Well, so am I.

All right. If you say so.

What are you doing?

This...

Stage tunnel...

Leads directly
underneath the stage.

- It does?
- Oh, yeah.

I've played this club before.
Makes a great entrance.

Take it all the way to the
end, and then pop up.

- Me first!
- Out of my way!

Ooh!

Val, we got these for you to
apologize for our behavior.

Ally's my best friend, so
I'm a little protective.

But I know you're gonna
do great things for her.

Well, I'm glad you finally
came to your senses.

Thank you.

Although, next time,
I'd prefer muffins.

Wait, so instead of getting Ally out of
The Stray Kitties, we got Val flowers?

And how come I have
to pay for those?

It's all a part of my plan.

Don't forget to tip.

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you for coming!

As I've proven over the years,
it takes talent to know talent.

And no one is more
talented than me!

Oh, and these girls. Please
welcome The Stray Kitties!

There's been a slight
change of plans.

The Stray Kitties aren't
performing tonight.

I am.

Hey, everybody. I'm Ally Dawson.

♪ When you're on your
own, drowning alone.

♪ And you need a rope
that can pull you in.

♪ Someone will throw it...

What's going on? Where
are my Stray Kitties?

I guess they strayed.

She can't perform by herself.
That's not in the contract.

It might not be in your
contract, but it's in ours.

What is this ridiculousness?

Looks like you should have read the fine
print when you signed for those flowers.

As you can see, our new contract
makes yours null and void.

Ha! What contract?

Oh, Sweetie.

I've already made
a dozen copies,

scanned it in my computer
and faxed one to Dez's mom.

Your mom's a lawyer?

Nope, but she watched a lot
of that "Judge Jody" show.

Oh!

♪ If you wanna laugh...

♪ I'll be your smile.

♪ If you wanna fly...

♪ I will be your sky.

♪ Anything you need.

♪ That's what I'll be...

♪ You can come to me.

What up?!

I can't believe how
awesome you were.

I couldn't have done it without you guys.
Thank you so much.

- You crushed it.
- A bunch of record execs wanna meet you.

Look at all these
business cards.

Well, some of these are feathers.
But still!

That's amazing!

Wait. So what happened
to the other Kitties?

Meow!

Sorry you didn't get a
chance to perform tonight.

How about I...

Make it up to you?

After our dinner at
the Chateau Nouveau,

I'll take you on a carriage
ride under the stars.

Ugh, enough!

The diamonds, the flowers, the
fancy dinners, it's all too much.

But you're Glamour Kitty.
I thought this is...

What you like.

That's just my character.

I'm not glamorous.

I eat pizza, wear fun clothes
and watch "Zalien" movies.

Zalien!

I appreciate the gestures, Dez.

But we're just not
right for each other.

What?! No!

I mean you're so sophisticated.

Sorry Dez, it's just
not going to work.

She's right. We're from
two different worlds.

Wait, no we're not. Come back!