Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 4 - Zaliens & Cloud Watchers - full transcript

Guys! I finally
finished the new song.

- What are you doing?
- Xylo-grilling.

It's a way to combine
my awesome music skills

with Dez's mad cooking skills.

Window burger?

No thanks, I'm
trying this new diet

where I don't eat anything
totally disgusting.

Guess who got a job at
cheese out of my league?

Ooh, the high-end cheese store.

That place is so much better
than cheese just okay.

- Mmm.
- So I just finished



the song for our new Webcast.

It perfectly captures
everything you're about.

Listen. What do you think?

- I love it.
- Yay!

I hate it.

Here.

Try it with my drum chili.

Not the burger. Ally's song...
I don't like it.

Well, maybe my drum chili
will help with that too.

♪ When the crowd wants more ♪

♪ I bring on the thunder ♪

♪ 'cause you've got my back ♪

♪ and I'm not going under ♪

♪ you're my point,
you're my guard ♪



♪ you're the perfect chord ♪

♪ and I see our names
together on every billboard ♪

♪ we're headed for the top,
we've got it on lock ♪

♪ we'll make 'em say "hey!" ♪

♪ and we'll keep rockin' ♪

♪ oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya ♪

♪ it's no fun when
you're doing it solo ♪

♪ with you it's like,
"whoa," yeah, and I know ♪

♪ I own this dream ♪

♪ 'cause I got you with me ♪

♪ there's no way I could
make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya. ♪

Go fish.

Got any provolone?

This is monterey Jack. Cheater.

Sorry, I'm distracted.

I can't stop thinking
about Ally's song.

The lyrics are so not me.

Well, if you don't
feel like playing,

I'm gonna eat the deck.
These lyrics... out.

"I'm a sensitive guy,
make me cry."D sunsets

I hate sad movies,

and what kind of guy
cries at sunsets?

Buh-bye, Mr. sun.

He won't be back till tomorrow.

Man, I hate this job.

My entire uniform is
made out of real cheese,

including my underwear.

I wear cheese underwear all the time.
I love it.

I really feel like I
can breathe in it,

- especially the swiss.
- Why would you do that?

- Because the goat cheese is too squishy.
- Guys!

What am I gonna do? I
don't like Ally's song,

but if I tell her, it'll
hurt her feelings.

There's only one thing
that you can do.

I never thought I'd say this,

- but Dez is right. Be honest with her.
- Send her a Pickle basket.

- What?
- Ow! What? She loves pickles.

- She also loves honesty.
- Well, I don't have an honesty basket.

I only have a Pickle basket.

I guess I'll tell
Ally the truth.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Are you screaming

because you are as excited
about the Webcast as I am?

Yeah. You know me so well.

Oh! This is the best
song I've ever written.

- It's perfect for you.
- Yeah, about that...

I need to tell you something.
I...

- guys, a little help.
- Can't talk, got cheese in my mouth.

And I'm not here.

Uh, anyway...

Before I forget, I invited
some friends over

to watch you tape the Webcast.

I wanna see their faces

when you sing our most
awesome song ever.

So what were you gonna tell me?

Uh...

That I got you a Pickle basket.

Oh, thank you.

I like pickles.

Ally, bad news...

I can't do the Webcast today.

- I lost my voice.
- Oh no, that's terrible.

I know. I... I feel awful.

We're gonna have to reschedule.

There's just no way...

That girl is cute.

Your voice is fine.

I get it. You're just
messing with me.

I can do that too.

Hey, I'm writing you a bad song.

That would be funny.

You ready, Austin?
We're live in five,

four, three, two...

One.

Wassup?

I'm Austin moon and
this is my Webcast.

I guess I'm gonna
sing a new song...

- Whoo!
- But, um,

um, first, I thought
I would dance.

Hit it.

What's he doing? Is he stalling?

No. People don't dance
when they stall.

So why isn't he singing my song?

Uh...

Sing the song.

What?

Sing the song. Oh my!

Can't hear you... dancing.

Come on, just sing
the stupid song. No.

Well, if you think
the song's stupid,

I probably shouldn't perform it.

Thanks for watching.
See you next week.

I'm out!

Why didn't you sing my new song?

What?

- What?
- I'm sorry, Ally,

but I didn't like the song.

Dez, did you know about this?

Well, I... I...

Oh!

Austin.

Why didn't you just tell
me you hated the song?

I didn't want to
hurt your feelings.

So it was better to embarrass me

in front of a million
people on the Internet?

You really think a million
people were watching?

Look, it's a good song,

but it's all about how
serious and sensitive I am.

That's not me. That's you.

I'm more chill, "what up?"

I can be chill.

♪ What's up? ♪

Oh yeah, that's chill.

Look, the point is, Ally,

I feel like you
don't even know me.

I like having fun. I
break some rules.

I color outside the lines.

Why do you have a coloring book?

I just told ya... I'm fun.

I'm fun too. I can color
outside the lines.

I can't color outside the lines.

Okay, maybe we don't know
each other that well.

We've only been partners
for a little while.

Hey, what if we hang out more?

I bet if we get to know
each other better,

- it could help our songwriting.
- That's a great idea.

I'll do stuff you like and
you can do stuff I like.

- Cool. What are we gonna do?
- Uh...

The cloud watching club
meets in five minutes.

Oh yay.

Ooh ooh, look,

that cloud looks like
a car with wings.

Ooh.

Oh, and that one's a
pineapple on a canoe.

Ah.

- What do you see, Austin?
- A big, white puffy thing.

Boo.

Come on, you're not even trying.

Okay okay.

I see a snowman
eating marshmallows.

Wrong.

It's a bunny on a bicycle.

How can you not see that?

Can you believe this guy?

- Come on, man. Really?
- He's crazy.

Okay, now I know you better.

You like really lame things.

- Oh.
- Can we go do my stuff now?

If you can think of
something more fun

than cloud watching,
I'm all ears.

I'm taking you to a
horror movie fest.

I was supposed to go
with you to that.

Ugh, I hate horror movies.

- They're so boring.
- More boring

than staring at
clouds all afternoon?

Yeah, that's the boringest
thing I've ever heard.

Hey, check it out... a
bunny on a bicycle.

It's not a bunny on a bicycle!

It's a bunny on a bicycle.

- Oh yeah.
- Oh yeah.

How did you not
like "swamp bride"?

There was a wedding.
Girls love weddings.

The swamp guy ate
the bridesmaids.

They ran out of appetizers.

Ah.

This stuff is just silly.

I mean chewy eyeballs and
chocolate intestines?

Don't forget red veins.

Oh yeah.

- Hey, Walter.
- Hi, Walter.

Don't "hey, hi, waiter" me.

You littered in my theater.

- We didn't litter.
- Oh yeah?

Look what I found
underneath your seat.

Recognize this?

Uh, yeah, it's popcorn.

Aha! How would you know
that if you didn't litter?

Uh, because we've
seen popcorn before?

I'm watching you.

You too.

Uh, hi, Dez. What are you
supposed to be, an alien zombie?

No, a zombie alien.
I'm a zalien...

A character from my favorite
13 movies of all time.

"Zaliens," "zaliens
2," "zaliens 3,"

"Zaliens 4," "zaliens
5," "zaliens 7..."

- Ah ah ah, you forgot "zaliens 6.
" -..."Zaliens 8"...

Ugh, that movie stinks. I
wish I could forget it.

Hey, guys. I'm ready
for the fight fest.

Whoa.

Oh. Ah. Wah! Yeah.

Nelson, it's a fright
fest, not a fight fest.

Aw, nartz.

I practiced my right
hook all week.

Well, keep practicing.

Guess who's here to
get her zalien on.

Seriously?

We're wearing the same costume,
but you're scared of her?

I'm scared because you guys
have something in common.

Best "zalien" movie ever?

Uh, duh, "zaliens 3: Brain
eaters from beyond."

- Best scene in that movie.
- Uh, duh, when the Zaliens take

the shape of teachers and
eat football team's brains.

Oh, okay okay, no biggie.

So we have a few
things in common.

That doesn't make us friends.
It could just be a coincidence.

Favorite number between
one and a billion.

Two.

Zalien brain suck!

Okay, this is the scariest
thing I've seen all day.

I think it's kinda cool they
have something in common.

I wish we were more like them.

Brain suck!

Don't suck my brain.

Okay, so we don't
like the same stuff,

but at least we're getting
to know each other.

And now it's Ally's turn.

So fasten your seat belt,

because you're about to take
a ride on the fun train.

The mall pond?

I think the fun train let us
off at the wrong station.

Hey, I come here for
creative inspiration.

I sit on this bench,

watch the geese and write
lyrics in my song book.

Have a seat.

I'm not sitting on that bench.

Do you have to hate
everything I like?

No, the bench is covered
with goose poop.

Eww.

Uh, anyway,

I write all my best songs here.

Well, with the help of pickles.

I already know you like pickles.

- Can we go now?
- No no no. No.

That's pickles.

I've been coming here to hang with
him since I was a little girl.

Watching helps me when
I have writer's block.

I get it. It's kinda why
I like horror movies.

There's something about
monsters slurping up brains

that gets me psyched to perform.

- Don't you think he's cute?
- I guess.

Okay, you're cute.

Oh no, they're getting rid
of the pond tomorrow.

They're making this
into a parking lot.

What's gonna happen to pickles?

Maybe he can move into that store
with all the ducks in the window.

That's a chinese restaurant.

Okay, calm down.

We'll call a zoo and...
what are you doing?

Stealing a goose.
I need pickles.

Who else is gonna help
me write your songs?

Ally, are you
breaking the rules?

Awesome!

I never thought I'd see Ally
Dawson dressed as a swamp bride,

stealing a goose and running
from a security guard.

I'm not running from
a security guard.

- Well, you should be.
- Ma freeze!

Ooooow

I'm sorry. My friend
here is really childish.

I promise he won't
do that again.

Why did we come back here?

We had to get away from
that security guard.

You just wanna watch the
end of "zaliens 5."

Then we're killing two
birds with one stone.

Shh.

It's just an expression.
We're not killing any birds.

Shh! No talking
during the movie!

Shh!

Did you just honk at me?

- No, Walter, uh, that was...
- Me!

I honked at you. Honk!

Excuse me?

I'm warning you, kid.

I speak goose and
that kind of language

will not be tolerated
in my theater.

Sorry, Walter. I
meant to say honk.

Apology accepted. I'm
still watching you.

Hey, who littered?

That better be a real eyeball
and not a gummy one.

Shh!

- What's in your dress?
- Pickles the goose.

We need to find him a new home because
they're tearing out the pond.

Shh!

Why won't he quiet down?

I don't know. Maybe he's hungry.

There's popcorn on the floor.
Let him eat that.

Okay. Okay, pickles, come on.

Oh. Oh.

Uh, where did Dez go?

Hey, guys,

did you know there's
free popcorn down here?

I'm sorry. Pardon me.

We've got a little problem.

You've got a little problem.

You're eating popcorn
off the floor.

No, pickles crawled
under the seats.

Oh! We've got to get him back.

Ow! Something just bit me!

- Shh!
- Ow!

It bit me again!

There's a zalien in here!

It's... it's not a zalien.
It's a goose.

A zombie goose!

Pickles! Oh!

- Oh!
- Ow!

Oh! Run for your lives!

Exit in an orderly fashion!

- Everybody panic!
- That's in a disorderly fashion.

That's it, goose.

Nobody wrecks my theater.

This is awesome!

Awesome?

Pickles just caused a
panic in the theater

and is attacking Walter.
How can you be laughing?

Because pickles just caused
a panic in the theater

and is attacking Walter.
It's funny!

You've gotta look at
things my way sometimes

- and stop being so serious.
- Oh, my poor nose.

Ow ow ow!

You're right. This
is kind of funny.

Walter, shh! There's no
screaming in the theater.

- What are you doing?
- Pickles is going to the animal reserve...

- So I'm knitting him some
webbed-footie pajamas.

Yesterday was fun. I'm
glad we got to hang out.

Me too. I feel like we
really know each other now.

So we're different... it
makes us better partners.

Totally. You sure you're gonna
be okay without pickles?

Yeah, I kind of realize

I don't need him to help
me write songs anymore.

I've got a new goose.
His name is Austin.

Cool, you named a goose after me?
Where is he?

It... it's you. You're my goose.

Why, because I pooped
on a bench one time?

I was two years old.

No, it's a metaphor.

I have you, so I don't
need pickles anymore.

Oh, thanks, Ally.

You wanna go work on a new song

- for the Webcast?
- I already wrote one.

I think you're gonna like it
much better than the other one.

♪ I like the bass when it booms,
you like the high-end treble ♪

♪ I'm like the 99th floor and
you're cool on street level ♪

♪ I like the crowd rock
rock rock rocking it loud ♪

♪ you like the sound of hush
hush, hey, keep it down ♪

♪ hot tub, flip-flops ♪

♪ retro, dance, pop ♪

♪ we rock different ways ♪

♪ beach bum, city fun ♪

♪ touchdown, home run ♪

♪ what can I say-ay-ay?
It's me ♪

♪ it's you ♪

♪ I know we're not the same,
but we do what we do ♪

♪ it's you and it's me ♪

♪ and who says that
we have to agree? ♪

♪ 'cause I like what I like ♪

♪ and sometimes we collide ♪

♪ but it's me and it's you ♪

♪ I know we're not the same,
but we do what we do. ♪

I forgot how fun coloring was.

Duh.

Guess who got a job
at t-shirt world?

Guess who gets a best
friend discount?

I'm so happy you guys like
hanging out together.

And by happy, I mean
totally weirded out.

Why? We have the same
favorite horror movie,

the same favorite number and the
same favorite pizza topping.

- Pepperoni.
- Mushrooms.

- Mushrooms?
- Pepperoni?

- Ugh!
- I cannot be friends

with someone who lik mushrooms.

Well, I can't be friends with
someone who likes pepperoni.

You guys are gonna
end your friendship

over something as silly
as a pizza topping?

It's not just a pizza topping.

First she likes pepperoni, then she
doesn't want to get it delivered

because she thinks we
don't get out enough.

But sometimes I'm tired and
I just wanna watch tv!

Why are you so tired
all the time?

I'm the one who works at
least two jobs a day!

Well, everything's
back to normal.

Let's see what you've got.

You're gonna be so proud of me.

I colored outside the lines.

What did you color
outside the lines?

Uhh... right there.

No. Stop.

- Who's outside the lines now?
- You broke my crayon!