Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 3 - Secrets & Songbooks - full transcript

Excuse me, sir.

We have a strict store policy.

That only employees can take
instruments off the display.

We don't want anything to break.

Here you go.

I've been waiting all day for something
bad to happen so I could do that.

Something bad happened
this morning.

When you put on that shirt.

Zinger sting. Sweet!

♪ What up?

- Guess who got a job at the...
- The clown store?



No, at the makeup kiosk.

They pay us in free samples.

And really? You're making clown
jokes dressed like that?

Everyone stop picking
on my shirt.

I'm talking about your shoes.

Oh.

Anyway, I have a big
announcement to make.

- I just...
- Hold on! Don't tell us yet.

I just booked you a gig on tv.

Thanks! You're the
best manager ever!

- Oh, what show?
- Only Miami's hippest music show,

- "south beach sound."
- Awesome.

- Oh sweet.
- Austin, this is huge!

"south beach sound"
is a big deal.



Do you know how many stars got
their break on that show?

- No, how many?
- I don't know!

When I get excited, I
ask a lot of questions.

Why do I do that?

Don't answer.

Anyhow,

They're coming to film Austin
here at the mall tomorrow.

I told 'em you would
write a new song.

Tomorrow? That's
not enough time.

Hey, if I could get fired
from three jobs in one day,

I'm pretty sure you
could write one song.

Lazy.

Well, we can write a new song.

Luckily I have some new ideas in my book.
No worries.

Oh no, my book is gone.

It is not just a book.

It is my diary, journal and
songwriting book all rolled into one.

I write all my personal
stuff in there.

If anyone else reads
it, I will die!

Oops. Sorry, I meant...

♪ when the crowd wants more,
I bring on the thunder ♪

♪ 'cause you've got my back,
and I'm not going under ♪

♪ you're my point,
you're my guard ♪

♪ you're the perfect chord ♪

♪ and I see our names
together on every billboard ♪

♪ we're headed for the top,
we've got it on lock ♪

♪ we'll make 'em say "hey!" ♪

♪ and we'll keep rockin'

♪ oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya ♪

♪ it's no fun when
you're doing it solo ♪

♪ with you it's like,
"whoa," yeah, and I know ♪

♪ I own this dream

♪ 'cause I got you with me

♪ there's no way I could
make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya. ♪

Where's my book?
Where's my book?

Trish, can you get off if
my book is in there? N see.

Yeah, sure. Whoa!

Ah! It's not in there.

I'm pretty sure there's
nothing in the tuba.

What kind of disgusting
person puts food in a tuba?

Oh, my sandwich.

Lost this a month ago.

Dude, that's just wrong.

At least share. Okay?

Hello, Ally. I'm here
for my piano lesson.

Uh, now is not a
good time, Nelson.

And I've told you before you don't
need to bring your own piano.

Oh, I forgot.

Besides, your piano
lesson is tomorrow.

Today is your oboe lesson.

Aw, nartz.

You know how hard it was.

To g this on the bus?

I'll be back.

You guys look for my book here.

While Trish and I check
the lost and found.

I have to find it before
someone reads it.

Some of the things I wrote in there
are super personal and embarrassing.

Like how you have an imaginary
friend named Ms. Pennyworth.

You talk to when
you're stressed?

How do you know about Ms.
Pennyworth?

I've only ever told one
person that secret.

Well, obviously Ms.
Pennyworth has been.

Blabbing about ya all over town.

- Found it!
- My book?

No, my lost and found t-shirt.

From when I worked here
at the lost and found.

Man, I hated this job.

All those sad, desperate people.

Searching for stuff they'll never
see again as long as they live!

I mean we're totally
gonna find your book.

What are you doing?

Using my superhuman sense of
smell to find Ally's book.

You have a superhuman
sense of smell?

What food am I thinking of?

Cheery pie...

A la mode.

Wow.

- Found it.
- Wow, your nose is amazing.

No, I didn't smell the book.
I just remembered

I used it as a roof for
my gingerbread house.

Why do you have a
gingerbread house?

What, you want my gingerbread
man to live on the street?

No, I want him to
live in my belly.

Carlos!

Come on, let's go find Ally.

You know, it's a good
thing we found the book.

And not some stranger
who would see.

All the embarrassing personal
stuff she wrote in her book.

Totally. It's gotta be
pretty juicy stuff too,

Or she wouldn't be worried
about somebody reading it.

- It's gotta be pretty juicy stuff.
- So juicy.

What do you think?

It's not like Ally ever told
us not to touch her book.

Don't touch my book.

Don't touch my book.

Don't touch my book.

Don't touch my book.

Don't touch my book!

Okay, what if we
didn't open the book,

But it accidentally got
dropped on the floor.

- And opened itself?
- There you go.

Okay, what if it got
stuck to the ceiling.

With something
sticky like jelly.

And we could see the
pages from down here?

- Yes.
- Nah, that's crazy.

What are we gonna do, go all the
way to the store to get jelly?

- By the time we get back...
- What do you need?

I got grape, strawberry,
boysenberry.

I got some jam, a bunch of
marmalades, some chutney.

This is ridiculous.

You're right. We
should just read it.

No, I meant we shouldn't be
reading her book at all.

We can't stop now.
This is good stuff.

It's all about some guy
she has a crush on.

Oh.

Oh no. It's me.

- Ally's got a crush on me!
- Shh!

Don't spoil it. I'm
a slow reader.

Uh huh, uh huh.

Whoa! Ally's got a crush on you!

I can't believe Ally
has a crush on me.

I can't believe I
ate all that jelly.

Ally's awesome, but I just
don't feel that way about her.

We're two different people.

She likes pickles,
I like pancakes.

She likes reading books,
I like having fun.

I'm cool and collected.

And she chews her hair
when she's nervous.

You want some
guacamole with that?

Sorry. That's probably not
very appetizing to watch.

I have an idea.

Why don't we retrace
your steps from today,

And maybe we'll figure out
where you left your book.

Okay. I got here early,
so I wrote in my book.

On the bench next to the
cellphone accessory cart.

Then I went to work,
and on my break,

I took a walk past the
cellphone accessory cart.

Wait. Why do you keep talking about
the cellphone accessory cart?

I'm not. I didn't.

Why? Did the cute guy who
works there ask about me?

No way.

You have a crush on the
cellphone accessory cart guy.

That's what you wrote
in your book, isn't it?

What?

The cellphone guy?

That's crazy. Why would I...

Holy unlimited texting,

He is so cute.

You never know. She might not
have been writing about you.

I mean look at him...
his kind eyes,

Hair that flops
just the right way.

"kind eyes. Hair that flops
just the right way"?

That's so me.

"we work so close
to each other..."

And yet we're so far apart.

And he smells like a
fresh summer breeze.

"like a fresh summer breeze."

Oh yeah, that's
summery and breezy.

"and what is cooler
than a guy named.

After a city in Texas?"

You're right.
That's you, Austin.

And his name is Dallas.

Be cool, here he comes.

Excuse me.

Oh, so you like
throwing trash away?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

No way. Me too.

Oh. Okay.

I wasn't done with that.

What am I gonna do?

I don't want things to be
all weird with me and...

Ally!

And Trish.

I'm short, not invisible.

No way. You found my book.

Yeah, it was in the ref rig...

I love you, I love
you, I love you.

I am so relieved.

Let's go work on that new
song for "south beach sound."

Okay, let's get to work.

I think we should...
why'd you shut the door?

Because we always shut the
door when we write a song.

It's more private.

Maybe we should change that.

What do we have to hide?

We're writing a song up
here with the door open.

Wide open.

We should write something
totally different.

For you to play on
"south beach sound."

What about a love song?

Wh about a "like" song?

Come on, I've already got a
bunch of it figured out.

♪ Love love love

♪ like like... Like.

♪ It's a special
kind of feeling ♪

♪ but not always so appealing ♪

♪ all you want is to get close ♪

♪ but too close is kinda gross ♪

♪ gotta go for what you want ♪

♪ but just keeping things
on a friendly level ♪

♪ is also a good option if you
want things to stay the same. ♪.

Uh, you're acting weird.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just not
feeling this love song.

Austin, I'm really
feeling this one.

I think we're close enough that I can
tell you who the song is really about.

If I don't hear it, it's not true.
If I don't hear it, it's not true.

If I don't hear it, it's not true.
If I don't hear it, it's not true.

I've never seen
Austin act so crazy.

He ran out before we could
finish our new song.

I wonder if he's
nervous about playing.

- On "south beach sound."
- Nervous? Pfft.

Austin never gets nervous,
especially about performing.

Then why is he acting
so weird around me?

It's because he's nervous.

Austin always gets nervous,
especially about performing.

- Dez? - I don't know anything!

Why are you grilling me?

Can't a guy put a new roof on
his gingerbread house in peace?

Ally, I think Dez has something
he needs to get off his chest.

Dez, make this
easy for yourself.

You know I can't control Trish.

Tell us what you know!

You can hurt me all you
want, I'll never tell.

I'll never tell!

Oh, I'm not going to hurt you.

I'm going to hurt your family...

Your gingerbread family.

Benjamin!

We can do this the easy
way or the Trish way.

I can't betray Austin.

No! You monster.

Dez, you can end all this
senseless suffering right now.

- Tell us.
- Never!

I wonder what Benjamin
would look like.

Without a head. Hmm.

Austin read Ally's book and
knows she has a crush on him.

- What?
- There, now you know everything.

What are you doing? I said
I told you everything.

I know, but Benjamin's
really tasty.

- Where are you going?
- To find Austin.

And confront him about
reading my book.

No. There's a better way
to deal with this...

A little thing I like
to call revenge.

And we're going to use
your book to do it.

I love it. Don't touch my book.

Hey Ally, I'm here
for my hobo lesson.

Nelson, it's an ob lesson,

Not a hobo lesson.

Aw, nartz.

You know how hard it was
to get him on the bus?

C'mon, Uncle Hank.

Austin's coming. Lipstick.

Oh, mwah! Austin.

Mwah! Austin!

Mwah! Austin!

- Mwah mwah.
- Ally?

What are you doing? Is that
doll supposed to be me?

Oh, Austin.

Hi.

Yes, it is.

I was just practicing
what I would do.

If you got bit by a rattlesnake.

On the lips.

It could happen. Oh.

Good to know.

So you wanna work on
our new song now.

Here where everyone can see us?

I can't right now. I'm busy.

What private thoughts
are you writing.

In your book of secrets, Ally?

I'm just making a
list of turnoffs...

Things I don't like in a guy,

Things that if a guy did
I would definitely not.

- Be interested in him at all.
- Cool.

Wanna go to the food court and not
come back for at least 20 minutes?

Sure.

I'll just leave my
book right here.

Read it. It's staring
right at you.

Don't read it. It's
her private book.

Read it. Then you'll know how to
make Ally not like you anymore.

Don't read it.

Guess who got a job as
your new conscience?

- Hey, that's my job.
- Not anymore.

Listen to the other guy.
Read the book.

Read it, read it,

Read it, read it,
read it, read it.

"turnoffs: Guys with fake tans.

Guys who sweat a lot."

Hey Ally, how do I look?

Orange.

I know, right? It brings
out the color of my eyes.

Ew. I hate fake tans.

Really? I did not know that.

Almost as much as I
hate sweaty guys.

Also did not know that.

Whoa. You look different.

Yeah, 'cause I'm
orange and I'm sweaty.

No. That's not it.

That's exactly it.

I'm trying to make Ally
not have a crush on me.

And it's working. She hates
fake-tan sweaty guys.

You really want to sweat,

Try one of these
volcano peppers.

They're crazy hot. They
only grow in molten lava.

Oh perfect, thanks.

The key is to take one little...

Bite.

Hot hot.

Hot.

Austin. Good, you're here.

"south beach sound" wants to do
the interview with you right now.

What? I thought
that was tomorrow.

They moved it to today.

You look like a wet Pumpkin.

I can't go on live tv like this.

We're here on live
tv with Austin moon.

Tell us about your new song.

Hot hot.

I bet it is hot.
What's it called?

- Water, water. - "Water, water.
" catchy catchy.

Dez, drink... now.

I wasn't thirsty but okay.

Are you nervous about
being on live tv?

You're kind of
sweating a little.

Am I? Didn't notice.

So tell us about your music.

It's really very fun, you know?

Peppers are really hot!

Austin, I have one
last question for you.

Why'd you read Ally's book?

Huh?

You know, my private book I
told you a million times.

Not to touch? Why'd you read it?

- I... we... wait, is this a...
- Fake interview.

To make you look stupid as
punishment for reading my book?

- Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
- Whoo!

The camera crew was my idea.

I'm really good at revenge.

If there was a revenge
store, I'd never get fired.

So that isn't the crew
from "south beach sound"?

No, and I don't have
a crush on you.

That's a relief.

I thought I'd have to stay orange forever.
Okay, dez... towel.

I'm not really sweaty, but okay.

Listen, I know I shouldn't
have read your book.

It was wrong and I'm sorry.

I accept your apology.

Um... But, you know, uh...

There's still one thing
that bothers me.

Why did you freak out so much.

When you thought I had a crush on you?
Am I that horrible?

No, Ally, you got it all wrong.

You're awesome.

I did that stuff because
you're my friend.

And I don't want to
jeopardize that.

I feel the same way.

Let's hug when you're
less orange and sweaty.

I'm just glad I didn't actually
make a fool of myself on live tv.

Yeah, Trish wanted to
put this whole thing.

On the mall jumbotron,
but I wouldn't let her.

Wow, she really is
good at revenge.

The best.

But you know I wouldn't
embarrass you like that.

Public humiliation is
my worst nightmare.

That's why I freaked
out about my book.

I mean, I would die.

If anyone found out
I had a crush.

On the cellphone accessory guy.

What? The jumbotron?

I thought we weren't doing that.

What's up, mall of Miami?

We are live on
"south beach sound"

With the one and
only Austin moon.

This song was written by my
good friend Ally Dawson.

It's called "not a love song."

♪ you're always on my mind ♪

♪ I think about you
all the time... ♪.

Um, no.

♪ Let's not talk about it ♪

♪ drama, we can
live without it ♪

♪ catch a wave if we're bored ♪

♪ there's a clock we'll ignore ♪

♪ find a way around it ♪

♪ hey girl, I can
tell it's something ♪

♪ even when you say
it's nothing ♪

♪ when you're playing with your
hair like you just don't care ♪

♪ it's a tell, you're bluffing...
♪.

Now please don't take
this the wrong way.

♪ I love the things you do ♪

♪ it's how you do the
things you love ♪

♪ but it's not a love song ♪

♪ not a love song.

♪ I love the way you get me ♪

♪ but correct me if I'm wrong ♪

♪ this is not a love song ♪

♪ not a love song.

♪ I love the things you do ♪

♪ it's how you do the
things you love ♪

♪ the way you say you'd
put me through it ♪

♪ I guess I always knew it ♪

♪ I love the way you get me ♪

♪ but correct me if I'm wrong ♪

♪ this is not a love song ♪

♪ not a love song ♪
Not a love song.