Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 2 - Kangaroos & Chaos - full transcript

This violin is made of...

The finest maple wood.
It was, uh... huh.

Uh, it was hand carved...

Would you excuse me for a sec?
Yeah.

Do you guys have
to do that here?

Hey, we're not complaining
that you're working.

Right in the middle of our
Banjo badminton court.

We'd rather be making a video,

But somebody hasn't finished
writing the song yet.

I'm busy working.

Fine. Then we're
busy badmintoning.



Game point!

Would you like to pay cash for that
or should I put it on your tab?

Just put it on the tab.

Oh, okay.

Well, I am off to the
accordion convention.

And "accordion" to my watch, I
should have left an hour ago.

Well, sweetie, you
are in charge.

The store looks a
little crowded.

- Are you sure you'll be okay?
- Actually, dad,

- I probably...
- Glad to hear it. Bye-bye.

Who's next? Okay, wait.
Um, here's your change.

Your kazoo. Uh, the
trumpets are over there.

No, this isn't the eye doctor.

Oh.



Guess who got a job
at the yo-yo cart?

Watch this.

Whoo, wait. Whoo, I can do this.
Hold on.

It's my first day and...

Probably my last.

So, Ally, have you finished
writing Austin's new song?

It-it's almost done. I've
just been really busy lately.

I've got work,
school, book club.

I have to read this by tomorrow.

Tomorrow of what year?

Well, we need a song.

I can't make a video
without a song.

Hey, it's not like I've been
spending all my free time.

Training to eat a
20-lb hamburger.

You're just jealous.

Seriously, it's been a whole
month since the last video.

Guys, cut Ally some slack.
A month isn't that long.

It's pretty hard to
forget Austin moon.

Hey, it's ralphie Hayes from
the dog food commercial!

Oh my...

Dog food commercial?

Ally, you gotta
finish that song now!

Fine. Y-you want the song? Ah!

Here!

See? That wasn't so hard.

No way! It's the guy who won the
20-lb hamburger-eating contest.

Can I have your autograph?

Sure. Turn around.

Yeah. Huh.

Oh.

♪ when the crowd wants more ♪

♪ I bring on the thunder ♪

♪ 'cause you've got my back

♪ and I'm not going under

♪ you're my point,
you're my guard ♪

♪ you're the perfect chord ♪

♪ and I see our names
together on every billboard ♪

♪ we're headed for the top,
we've got it on lock ♪

♪ we'll make 'em say "hey!" ♪

♪ and we'll keep rockin'

♪ oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya ♪

♪ it's no fun when
you're doing it solo ♪

♪ with you it's like,
"whoa," yeah, and I know ♪

♪ I own this dream

♪ 'cause I got you with me

♪ there's no way I could
make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya. ♪

Ralphie Hayes here for
yummy time dog food.

So good a human can eat it.

Do not eat.

Yummy time dog food
is for dogs only.

Yummy.

Are you kidding me?

That guy doesn't
look like me at all.

This dog food horrible.

This video soon.

I don't want to be
remembered as the guy.

Who looks like
horrible-tasting dog food.

Guess who got a job
at the dry-cleaner's?

What happened to your
job at the yo-yo cart?

- It's a long, - You got fired.
Ry.

Huh, I guess or complicated.Ong.

Check out this amazing jacket

I'm borrowing from work
for the music video.

Doesn't that belong to somebody?

Yeah. Some big burly
ultimate fighter guy.

Named facepuncher.

Facepuncher? A guy
named facepuncher?

You know what he's gonna do?!

Facepunch!

Don't worry about it.
He'll never know.

He's gonna pick the
jacket up at 8:00.

Wait, what does the jacket have
to do with the music video?

It's a line in Ally's song,

"my jacket's in the
lost and found."

"my jacket"? It
says "I like it."

The line is "I like it
when you hang around."

"hang around"? I thought
it said "kangaroo."

♪ I like it when you kangaroo.
♪.

Why would I write "I like
it when you kangaroo"?

Look, nobody's accusing you
of writing good lyrics.

Uh, those aren't the lyrics.

My handwriting was only sloppy
because everyone was rushing me.

I went to calligraphy camp!

Book club, calligraphy camp...

Now you're just making stuff up.

Well, whatever.

I still think Austin wearing
a cool leather jacket.

Singing with a kangaroo would
make an awesome music video.

I don't know. I'm starting
to worry about this video.

I think we need to come
up with a better idea.

Yeah, it might be a
little late for that.

Did somebody order a kangaroo?

Oh, he is so cute.

Oh, I just stepped
in kangaroo poop.

Whoa whoa, not so fast.

You don't know that
was the kangaroo.

Trish was in here earlier.

I will smack those freckles
right off your face.

So what's this kangaroo gonna
do in my video besides poop?

Well, I was thinking he
could be in the band.

That's a great idea.

Hey, buddy, wanna
play some guitar?

I think he'd rather play drums.

The window!

Oh, the jacket!

- The door!
- What's wrong with the door?

Nothing. I thought we were
just naming stuff in the room.

No. The kangaroo is chewing
facepuncher's jacket!

Come on, let it go. Let it go.

Let it go. Come on, kangaroo.

Come on, let it go, kangaroo.
Let it go, let it go.

Let it go, let it go.
Come on, come on.

Come on, let it go. Let it go!

Let it go, let it go.

Oh-hh, what is this?

- It's caramel.
- Caramel? Why?

I couldn't read Ally's handwriting and
I wasn't sure if she wrote "camel"

Or "caramel," so I
just got them both.

You ordered a camel too?!

Uh, no-oo.

Did somebody order a camel?

We've got to fix this mess
before my dad gets back.

We have to fix the jacket.
Facepuncher's coming back at 8:00.

I could lose my job, which
I don't care about.

But still, he might
facepunch me.

And someone's gonna have to
mop up all this Trish poop.

Mm, keep it up and someone's gonna
have to mop up all your freckles.

My freckles are my friends! Can
you say that about your poop?

- So what about my video?
- Can we worry.

About something other than
your career for one minute?

I barely have a career.

If you wouldn't have taken a
whole month to write a new song,

Maybe people wouldn't think
I'm the dog food guy.

Hang on. Are you
actually blaming me.

Because you think you're not
as popular as you used to be?

No, of course not.

I'm just saying that maybe if
you'd written the song faster,

Then we'd have... you know what?

Now that I'm saying
this out loud,

I think that is
what I was saying.

I can't just spit out a song.

Anytime you want me to.

Lyrics don't just
flow out of me.

Like a River after
a rain of tears.

Oh, that's good.

Hey, Ally, you know what?

Maybe you should write that so we
could actually read it this time.

Yeah, miss calligraphy camp.

Huh. Can you read this?

Yes, I can,

And that is not a nice word.

There's gotta be some way
we can clean this jacket.

You work at a dry-cleaner's.

Right!

I bet there's some sort of
jacket-cleaning machine.

I'd better go with you.
You guys watch the store.

I'll call Martin the mall
maintenance man to fix the window.

My dad sees this
mess, I'm toast.

And if we don't fix facepuncher's
jacket, I'm toast.

And if we don't get a good
video up on the site soon,

My whole career is toast.

Anyone else craving
toast right now?

And I don't know
what Austin expects.

He doesn't appreciate the
fact that I can't spend.

Every minute of every
day writing songs.

And even if I could, it takes
time to write a good song.

He needs to understand that trying
to rush you doesn't help anything.

Thanks, Trish. I
knew you would...

Hurry up with the jacket!
We don't have all day!

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. No, this
isn't the ear doctor!

Austin! Austin,
little help, please.

I'm really busy. I promised
Ally I'd watch the store.

I can't just leave a
stranger in charge.

Hey, stranger, you're in charge!

I'm coming, buddy!

Ugh, I tried, like,
seven different things.

Everything I use keeps getting
caramelled to the jacket.

That's him! That's facepuncher!

- I'm here for my jacket.
- Uh, you're facepuncher?

You don't look like
a facepuncher.

You look like a hand
holder or a hug giver.

No hug.

Uh, you're early. The jacket's not
supposed to be ready until 8:00.

No. It's supposed
to be ready now.

Oh, look at that. You're right.

I misread the ticket. It's 'cause I'm
a horrible employee. Ask anybody.

Actually, she wouldn't be that
bad if she just applied herself.

- Ally!
- She is the worst!

I'll be back at 8:00.

And it better be ready 'cause
mad dog's gonna be with me,

And mad dog hates waiting.

Ooh, that was close.

Close? He'll be back
in a few hours.

And he's bringing
mad dog with him.

Oh right.

Maybe this super-duper washing
machine will do the trick.

- Do you know how to use that thing?
- Of course not.

- I'm trying.
- You can do it.

I'll be right with you.

- You see the kangaroo too, right?
- Uh-huh.

- You'll never guess what happened!
- The kangaroo ran away.

Man, you're good at this game.

How could you lose a kangaroo?!

I was attaching a
camera to its pouch.

When I accidentally
stepped on its tail.

And woke him up from
a deep dark sleep,

And then for no reason
he just freaked out.

Why would you attach a
camera to a kangaroo?

Because we're trying to
make an awesome video.

Are me and Dez the only ones who
care about my career anymore?

I care about your career. I'm
just not gonna overreact.

Because one person didn't
know who you were.

Hey, Ally, I'm here to... whoa, it's
ralphie Hayes the dog food guy!

I'm not the dog food guy.

Hey, Martin, can you fix the
window before my dad gets back?

No problem, I fix a lot of... whoa,
this thing is really broken!

You are in so much trouble.
This is bad! This is bad!

Calm down, Martin.

How much is it going to cost?

Uh, probably not... whoa,
this is gonna cost a lot!

That's double-paned glass. I
gotta get it custom built,

Then I gotta pick it up and
it's so hard to find parking.

And the place doesn't
even open until...

How much is it going to cost?

It can't be that bad.

Whoa, this is bad! This is bad!

I can't wait for this
mess to be over.

So we can get back to
shooting my video.

Some lady just made me take
a picture with her dog.

I hope you charged
her $500 for it.

Because that's what we
need to fix the window.

Dez, what are you doing?

Leaving a trail of manges,
croutons and fish sticks.

Everybody knows this is how
you attract kangaroos.

No, wait, that's how
you attract a llama.

Hang on. The kangaroo's got
your video camera, right?

Isn't it synced
to our computers?

Yes! We can watch the
live video feed.

And see where the kangaroo is.

Yeah.

Whoa!

Run! Run!

Whoa, look out! Man 2: Whoa!

That's by the food court!

Here I come, kangaroo!

Guess who just solved
all our problems?

- You did?
- Yep.

Man, Ally, how are you
so good at this game?

An hour from now,

Austin is gonna perform
a concert in the store.

I've pre-sold 100 tickets
at six bucks apiece.

Here's 500 bucks.

That should be $600.

What? I needed a new purse
to carry all the money in.

Well, this is great. Now
we can fix the window!

Seriously? 100 people
bought tickets to see me?

- Yep! Seven bucks apiece.
- You said six.

So what? I'm gonna get a new purse
and not get new shoes to match?

- I mean come on.
- Cute.

This is awesome! And I thought
nobody knew who I was anymore.

Take that, dog food guy! Whoo!

This is incredible! I can't
believe all those people.

Bought tickets to
see Austin perform.

Well-ll...

Uh-oh,

That was a long "well."
what did you do?

Well-ll...

Sorry. Everyone's
actually coming.

To get their picture
taken with the kangaroo.

Austin's more like the
unannounced opening act.

What? If he finds
out, it'll crush him.

You saw how excited he was.

Then I guess he can't find out.

You see the llama too, right?

Oh, this is the best
show I've ever seen!

- What is it?
- It's called.

"Dez gets his butt
kicked by a kangaroo."

Oh. Ooh! Ouch!

Oh, that is not a place you
want a kangaroo to kick you.

Ooh.

What are you doing?

I'm writing some new
lyrics for Austin's song.

Since people are coming to see
the kangaroo and not him,

I wanna help Austin give the
best performance he can.

You're not going to tell him
about the kangaroo, are you?

- Well-ll...
- Ally!

No. I'm... I'm just torn because
I hate lying to people,

But I know how much it'll hurt
Austin to know the truth.

I'm torn too.

I need Dez to get the
kangaroo back here,

But I never want this to end.

Ouch! That one's
gonna leave a mark.

That one will leave a mark. Oh.

♪ Oh, 'cause I know
that I'll make it ♪

♪ never put my head down ♪

♪ turn it up and...

Hey, Ally. Just
practicing for the show.

There's a lot of people
coming to see me.

Yeah, coming to see you...
only you,

Not an animal from Australia.

Why would I say that?

Here, I wrote some new lyrics.

I just want you to have
the best show you can.

Since people aren't really
coming to see you...

Perform a bad show.

Which you won't. Gotta go!

Wait.

I'm sorry about giving you a
hard time about the song.

I was just nervous that maybe
no one knew who I was anymore,

But obviously that's
not the case.

Definitely not the case.
Apology accepted. Gotta go.

Finally I got the kangaroo.

That was not easy.

Now people can finally
see who they came for.

You!

Gotta go.

What's up, everybody?! Whoo!

Excuse me, sir. Thanks
for coming out.

- Where's the kangaroo?!
- Yeah.

Oh, we caught him.
He's upstairs.

Thanks for your concern.
He's all good.

All right, this is a new song.

It's called "a billion hits"
and I hope you guys like it.

♪ Didn't go nowhere,
never left, unh! ♪

♪ You really thought that I was
gone gone gone gone gone ♪

♪ I heard you talking
like I lost my swagger ♪

♪ said I was over you,
wrong wrong wrong wrong ♪

♪ I'm always improving,
always on the move and ♪

♪ working on my flow to
take it to the studio ♪

♪ this is not a comeback,
following my own path ♪

♪ laying down the phat tracks ♪

♪ I'm a music maniac...

♪ I know that I'll make it ♪

♪ never put my head down ♪

♪ tur-turn it up now

♪ yeah, 'cause I don't
have to fake it ♪

♪ if I keep on working it ♪

♪ a billion hits
is what I'll get ♪

♪ whoa oh oh oh

♪ that's what I'm gonna get ♪

♪ whoa oh oh oh

♪ that's what I'm gonna get ♪

♪ yeah, 'cause I know
that I'll make it ♪

♪ overload the Internet

♪ a billion hits is
what I'll get. ♪

Austin, Austin, Austin,
Austin, Austin...

- This is so awesome.
- Oh, this is great.

See, this footage sick.

I can totally cut this together
into a great live video.

For the new song and have it
up on the website tonight.

- Awesome!
- That's great!

Oh, you really won all
those people over.

They came for the kangaroo,
but they stayed for the moon.

What do you mean?

This is why you should
not tell me secrets.

Um, uh, those people weren't
exactly there to see you.

They were there to get their
picture taken with the kangaroo.

So those people didn't
know who I was?

Uh, but they do now, and that's
all that really matters.

Okay, I'm cool with that.

As long as you keep
performing like that,

There will always be
Austin moon fans.

Thanks. But as long as you
keep writing songs like that,

I'll always be an
Ally Dawson fan.

- Thanks.
- But please don't make me wait.

Another month for a new song.

Oh, fine, read this
for my book club.

And tell me what it's about.

I can wait a month.

Uh, guys.

Wait, the jacket...
it looks different.

Yeah, 'cause it shrunk
and it is pink!

No, that's not it.

Hey! Where's my jacket?

It better be ready.
Mad dog's waiting,

And mad dog hates to wait.

Here you go.

That will be $6...

Or free.

Oh, my jacket!

What did you do to my
championship jacket?

Yeah, I couldn't put my
finger on it either.

- Whoa!
- Mr. Facepuncher?

This is all my fault.

My friends were just trying to help
me out, and if you're gonna punch.

Anyone in the face, it
should probably be me.

Though I kind of need my face, so if
you could punch me in the shoulder,

The foot, the hip or
even pull my hair...

How about I punch you
in all of the above?

Daddy, hurry up.

You know I hate waiting.

Hang on a sec, mad dog.

Daddy has a situation.

That's mad dog?

Is that for me?

It's beautiful. I love it!

You're the best daddy in
the whole world ever!

I knew you'd love it, Pumpkin.

No way! You're Austin moon!

Can you autograph my jacket?

Of course.

Oh.

- There you go.
- Thanks, Austin.

- No problem.
- Hey, aren't you the guy.

- That ate the 20-lb hamburger?
- Why, yes I am!

- I didn't ask for an autograph.
- Uh-oh.

Beat him up fast, daddy.
You know I hate waiting.

Ally, I'm home from the
accordion conven...

Oh! Oh, why is there
a kangarooey-pooey.

In my room? Hey.

No more! No! Stop! Stop!

Down! Mad kangaroo attack!

How many times are you
going to watch that?

Till it stops being funny.

Oh!

Aw.