As If (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Iki Içi Disi Bir Kisi - full transcript
İlkkan put your
phone down or hold it.
Do not take it and drop
it continuously, please.
I'm checking to see if
I got a notification.
Notification comes with a sound.
Turn the volume of
your phone up, let it ring when
the notification comes, okay?
İlkkan,
this was your sick smile, by the way.
Are you talking to a lady?
No bro,
I mean, I don't know, it could be.
Are you talking to living things,
in a much larger perspective?
I mean, it's not like a conversation,
bro, I'm answering questions.
What question
are you answering?
For example, this writer asked,
are you a cat or a dog person?
Yeah,
so?
Brother,
this is an application called
"Ask me a question".
You open a session,
people ask you questions.
What answer did you
give to this question?
I said cat bro,
because I'm a cat person.
İlkkan, I have to object to that bro.
You are by no means a cat person.
So I don't want you to fool yourself,
you're not.
Brother, how do you know
if I'm a cat person or not?
Only I can know that, you're not bro.
Because İlkkan, let alone owning a cat,
let alone spending time with a cat,
stroking a cat's head,
you haven't even seen a cat
in the last five years,
I'm a witness to that,
you don't have any desires,
habits and physical conditions,
to be a cat person.
Bro I'm a cat person.
This is my persona.
Bravo.
Who asks you these questions?
Random people.
Why do random people ask you questions?
It's not random bro,
these are the people who follow me.
You said random now.
Does random means random?
Random means volunteer.
Thank God, Zeki brother comes.
He will put an end to the
differences of opinion on English.
What is this brother,
did you order tea?
Yes.
It hurts a lot, it hurts a lot.
Ersoy, answer very fast, cat or dog?
Dog.
Wrong.
You're wrong too.
What's wrong? I'm a dog lover.
-You're not.
-Come on, İlkkan.
He's waiting,
let's not keep him waiting.
Come on İlkkan.
Okay!
Okay, anyway.
Did you pay the bill?
Why didn't you pay while
I was on the toilet?
You had time, you ordered tea,
instead of having a tea...
Or you could say "Tea,
and check please."
Ersoy you started to talk more
since they cut your mouth open.
It's amazing!
İlkkan is giving an interview.
Come on İlkkan, come on bro.
Look,
let me tell you while it's on my mind.
My uncle is a very straight-out person.
-What, what kind of a person?
-Straight-out.
So he is, don't do anything,
don't be surprised, okay?
Walk a little slow, son!
Brother,
we need to hurry, he's waiting.
Those who know him for the first time,
say he is weird.
Don't be like it,
my uncle is outspoken.
Okay, why are you trying to
convince us, your mouth is going to
explode, calm down.
-Yeah.
For your information!
-Okay brother.
-He makes jokes or something, but,
despite his words are harsh,
he is a good person.
-Ersoy...
-You'll get used to him.
...I like such a person anyway,
instead of being sneaky,
-be frank, okay.
-Of course!
Yılmaz, Yılmaz, take a picture of me.
Dude, it's not even a car,
-are you crazy?
-Dude, come here and shoot!
İlkkan, brother...
The owner will arrive, come on!
-Come on!
-You make me mess with shitty things.
Wait a minute!
I'll do various poses, you take a few.
- Where's that photo thing?
-I opened the camera.
-It is closed.
-You should click
-on the camera, son.
-Brother, come on!
-One second, brother.
-Hold on.
İlkkan!
Why are you making me deal with
such things, my son?
God's...
What is this brother, what are
these movements, son?
This car is junk!
Damn boy, the joke is there anyway.
Give.
Oh, brother it's very good,
there is a great irony here.
I mean, everybody poses with the
new cars, and I did with this!
This is too much of an irony, İlkkan.
-Come on, dudes!
-Are you sure about this irony?
-Son, this is the funeral...
-My uncle just came for you,
-he's here for you, my uncle!
-...shut up!
-What a shame...
-You make me shout in the middle of
the street!
-The man is at the bus station!
Wait a minute son,
I'm explaining one thing, look.
-This is hearse.
-Yeah.
It used to carry the dead,
but now, it's dead!
Get the fuck out of there!
So in this case...
Come on, please!
...that's what the hearse is.
God...
-Uncle!
-Wow!
Man, I swear, I said, big city...
...are you big or am I bigger?
When you didn't come, I guessed that
the city is bigger.
I'm returning, "sorry baby".
What happened?
What?
Go away!
Well, let's go to the sidewalk.
I swear I was going back
so I said "bye bye baby".
-What's up, wrestler?
-I'm fine, uncle.
What did you do to your mouth?
Boy, you were already ugly,
now you're swollen like a mole.
Let's talk a bit.
Zeki brother,
Ersoy had surgery on four of his teeth,
that's why he talks like that,
he talks, but in this way.
I guess it's not clear.
You're getting more attractive
when you are not talking, shut up.
By the way,
we are very sorry, we kept you waiting,
we hurried as much as we could,
but you know,
we walked quite a bit though, but
there was a pedestrian traffic, right?
I'm sorry.
What is your name?
İlkkan.
What is your name?
My name is Yılmaz.
These are OK son, the half of
TOEFL is over, said no one ever!
Çiko, we also need to do some training,
it is not possible with the belly.
-Okay, we'll do it, uncle.
-Come on.
Let's go.
-How was the trip?
-Well, it was hot.
-Have you had carsick?
-No, there is none, they are not zero
in terms of English, right?
I was expecting rain today.
Guys, I feel hungry, should we get
something to eat before
entering the house?
Okay, let's see if we find some
shop on the side of the road.
OK.
-You have a license, don't you?
-Sorry bro?
I'm kidding bro, I'm kidding.
By the way, the inside of
the car smells of lahmacun.
You buried two hot ones
during lunch break, eh?
No, my brother.
There is no lahmacun.
It shouldn't smell bro...
-Come on, Songül!
-Hello.
-Welcome.
-Hi.
Actually, if I didn't sit, you're
crowded, I came to just say hello.
No way dear.
You shouldn't be standing like that.
Slip a little İlkkan, slip, come.
I'm Zeki, I'm the uncle of this animal.
Your name?
Songül, I'm glad.
Oh, Songül?
Nevermind.
It's a bit of a redneck name,
but your face is decent thankfully.
They named you out of tradition
or something, alright.
-Ersoy, I'm going to eat ravioli.
-Yes uncle.
Songül, Zeki brother is Ersoy's uncle,
lives in İzmir.
He just arrived here.
He is an English teacher there.
Here, Yılmaz and I will
enter TOEFL exam, he will
help us,
like a private lesson, thanks to him.
He'll be on some sort
of holiday as well.
Pardon him.
Zeki brother, what is your schedule
now, how many days are you staying?
Friday,
Saturday, eleven days with today.
Eleven days?
We have a work to do with these.
One bald,
one obese, his teeth gone too.
and a Mongolian soldier.
He will take TOEFL!
Yes, young people.
Irregular verbs.
Form "to go".
Go, went, gone.
Form "to be".
-To be.
-Being.
Was.
Were.
To been.
How does that not suit you?
It's as if you've handed a bean
to a primate, and it combs out.
Hey God!
He was like this when he was a kid,
He hung on that "I'm going to play
football!"
We got him, how incompetent,
-how incompetent he was!
-Uncle!
Dude, don't do anything, I'm hanging
out, don't get angry right away.
By the way, what did you say?
Form it out again, "to be".
voz.
Va.
Wor.
Be,
arz.
-How much is this?
-Was.
-Come on Zeki brother...
-How many is this, son?
-Four.
-English!
-Four.
-He knew!
Damn arctic fox!
If I told it to that coffee table,
it would learn English.
Show an IQ to your uncle, lad.
Zeki brother, with your permission,
-can I go to a toilet?
-Go.
Form İlkkan, "to read".
to read, rent, run.
It's something else.
-Here, go, rent.
-Read, read, read.
A minute.
Read, read, read.
The second version is the same
as the third version, read.
"Red" means red?
-No.
-He's tired, he's tired uncle.
İlkkan,
you can take a break if you want.
-What?
-Take a break.
Yes, let me have a drink of water.
Of course.
-Uncle, what are you doing?
-What?
-You are embarrassing me.
-What?
-You're embarrassing me!
-Am I embarrassing you?
I'm teaching English,
they can't fucking speak.
They are speaking like
"red, ridi, rid, bi".
Not like this,
not like this.
Leave people alone.
Yes friends, welcome back again.
I am going on live broadcast again
with a sentence that I love very much.
"Life doesn't always meet our
desires and expectations."
Yes, welcome.
Right now, yes,
our numbers are increasing gradually.
Yes, there is a question.
"I do not believe that
men and women are equal."
What's this?
Brother, I'm on live broadcast.
Chatting with my followers.
Son,
you're going to shut the shop to the
broadcast that only eight people
attended.
What the heck is this?
Yes, Zeki brother came,
he will go now, friends.
Guys, raise this kid's
ego a little bit, there is
no food in real life,
at least lick each other here.
Turkish delight with roses, with roses!
Good luck.
Sorry guys,
Zeki brother is the uncle of my friend,
Ersoy, whom I always tell you about.
Yes,
let's continue with one more quote.
There are only two of us left,
but I think those who
left are missing some surprises,
just so you know.
Yes, example.
The seat is...
The seat is...
Taken!
Well done!
What did you do today son,
did you eat molasses or something?
Well done to you, well done!
The seat is taken.
-Brother, the food has arrived.
-Stop, don't do fake stand up.
It's like he has money.
Salam alaikum brother.
Dude, don't tie these things
up so much, the food is
getting cold until I
open it for fuck's sake.
With that being said,
the hair is not great.
Look, a brother advice.
Take that shirt out of your pants, too.
-What's your name? Put that hair back.
-Şahin brother.
-Son, take it off, dry ass.
-Brother, what are you doing?
-Have some coolness!
-Zeki brother, what are you doing?
For God's sake, stop!
-Stop, son, we'll deal with the card.
-Thank you very much, brother.
-Thanks.
-İlkkan card...
Brother, please, I paid.
Brother, what are you doing?
The man's in trouble anyway,
he's going to stick into us!
Son, I'm messing around.
Also, I'm saying it for his own good.
What happened?
You say that you are on the
side of the worker, well done.
They are young, they should
pay attention to such things.
Yes, brother, let's finish this capter.
It's not capter, dumbass!
"Chapter, chapter"!
Capter he says.
God...
Zeki brother, may I pass?
Come.
Yes.
The homework is...
The homework is...
Boy, is there such a nice
ice cream shop around here?
But it should be real, like sorbe.
With goat's milk.
The others are full of shit.
If there is any, let me buy you some.
I mean,
there's one up ahead, brother, but I
don't know if it's really like that,
as you said.
-But we eat with pleasure.
-Well, let's see.
Why are you getting defensive now?
Why?
What a passive man you are!
-Gee!
-How passive you are!
So what are you doing,
are you attacking?
-You are passive.
-He pressured you too, man.
Why are you criticizing me?
Fool.
Geesh,
am I going to wear these pretty pink?
İlkkan what do you
want me to do exactly?
Shall I turn the time back bro?
You're going to wear this t-shirt
in pink, what should I do?
By the way, it's not the
color pink that irritates me.
That my t-shirts have changed
color against my will!
İlkkan, bro, then we do it like this.
I mean, it happened unintentionally.
Next week I'll throw my black
sweater inside your whites,
we'll achieve the intermediate color
of burgundy, a beautiful burgundy
Okay?
Get you gone!
Fuck off!
Go wherever you can buy it,
I don't sell it!
Old man,
what are you getting angry about,
-I'm messing around!
-May you cancel our tea order?
Go away!
I'll break your mouth and face!
You made ice cream like a fuck!
-And you're talking!
-Uncle, enough.
-Uncle, Yılmaz!
-Don't make me shit on your ice cream.
-What's going on, what's going on?
-Oh God!
What's going on, Ersoy?
For God's sake.
Come on uncle!
-It's been an hour. One hour.
-I got it.
Brother,
who knows to whom he went again,
and said something there
and messing around.
Okay it's between us.
We are not insignificant people.
-Did he come?
-Sit down.
Why?
He can't come, brother.
How can he not come?
Breaking news.
It turns out that my uncle
has a girlfriend here,
he went to the hotel,
he is going to meet her.
Is he there anymore,
doesn't he come to us anymore?
He will come,
I asked him, he will come.
Now he's at the hotel,
with his girlfriend?
No, he will come.
-He will, stay with us...
- Yes.
Wasn't your uncle married?
Uh-huh.
Now it's clear,
the reason why did he come to İstanbul.
-İlkkan!
-Uh, İlkkan!
We are waiting here too,
in case he comes
and teaches us, geesh!
We don't need an eleven-day
English adventure anyway,
so our shortcomings are clear,
these are the things that can be
compensated in four or five days.
This trip, planned for eleven days...
Well, nevermind.
Really, but he was a man, your uncle,
were you saying the essence word one,
what were you saying?
-Straight-out.
-Yes, straight-out.
I'll say let's study, no,
I lost my taste, never mind, let's see.
Okay, say something.
-What should I tell?
-What are you doing?
This seat is taken!
Ersoy, you can tell your uncle.
That's it.
What are you doing bro?
What did I do to you?
Who are you bro?
Brother, they fired me this morning,
what kind of comment are you writing?
What comment?
Did you come wrong?
No bro,
didn't I bring you food that day?
You know, that brother said my hair
is ugly, then I went to the store,
then Kemal brother said "fuck off,
what kind of comment
the customer wrote because of you!"
and fired me.
Dude, wait a minute, w..
You've made me fired!
Son, we didn't write a
comment or anything, calm down,
I'll give you a water,
just a second.
I don't want water bro!
Look at this comment,
what did you write!
Let me see what we wrote?
"We said burrito without potatoes,
you piled onions and potatoes in
it, it was filled with potatoes to
the brim, we ordered coke, ayran came,
These are okay, but the friend
who brought it was a motormouth,
he was dowdy, we ask questions,
he snaps, we said why are you late,
He looks at us as if he is cursing,
has an ugly style,
and behaves like saying,
"Don't eat if you don't like it!"
Something like this...
Did you write this comment?
-What?
-Did you write this comment?
Am I a maniac bro,
I didn't write a comment or anything.
Brother, did I bring it late?
Did I say something like cursing?
-I do not know.
-Yılmaz,
I wrote the comment, buddy.
I entered in Ersoy's app,
and I banged out.
Of course, you're used to it.
As long as you submit to bad service,
these things get worse.
Brother,
they fired the child, he lost his job.
Why are you commenting
on our burrito shop?
What goes through my heart
always comes out of my mouth.
Those who don't want to hear the truth,
stay away from me, that's all.
Take it bro, put this in your pocket,
now this address's phone,
okay, my phone,
registered, message me from there,
I will come and talk to your boss,
there was a
misunderstanding,
we will solve it,
-Okay?
-Okay bro.
There is a very straight-out
guest in our house right now.
We're dealing with his shit,
his stuff right now, okay coach?
I will come, I will solve this job, I
will talk, in the worst case scenario,
this is a
wide circle, they know me too,
I'll get you to another work,
well, okay?
-Okay bro.
-I don't want any trouble,
Don't be sad, don't cry,
this will be done, it will be over,
okay, wipe your tears, wipe.
I'm sorry, okay?
Call me on the weekend.
-Okey brother.
-See you later.
-Give your blessing brother.
-God bless you.
Oh, uncle!
Brother, there is no resentment
or offense in this job.
Let's talk bro, that's enough,
I don't want it under these conditions,
Fuck the English!
But there is Ersoy,
brother, by the way.
So, I can't be angry with Ersoy,
what should I do to him,
you can't eat it or rub it on,
it's your uncle!
-Of course, dear.
-What should the boy do now?
It's not up to him already, bro.
He had the courier fired!
The guy is unemployed!
You know our pide maker Mr. Varol,
I made him work by his side.
We also adopted a courier,
it's just what you need!
Straight-out...
Fuck your straight and fuck your out!
He got me to that point!
I mean, look, Yılmaz,
when one thinks of straight-out,
I think of you.
I always say,
I say Yılmaz, is a straight-out person.
-Thanks.
-But you,
you are a positive straight-out.
For example, you told me that
you are not a cat person.
You are not bro.
You justified it by this and that,
and you reasoned it.
So can I explain?
It corrected me,
because it's a constructive situation.
Thank you brother, thank you.
He will go bro, it's over.
Let's talk.
Let us go, if not!
-Yes, let's go.
- Let's go, brother.
What the hell is this,
we said straight-out but,
dude came out as a rattlesnake,
he stings constantly!
Look at the words,
"Bald, fat, fox."
-Who are you?
-Who do you think you are?
-Dumbass!
-Go look at yourself first.
So, brother, someone shouldn't
be that much straight-out.
So, the inside and outside of
a person must be separated.
I've been analyzing for two days,
remember that thing, the taxi driver,
what he said to the guy
out of the blue, well...
He said he smells like lahmacun.
What's wrong with you!
He didn't smell!
-Did you get such a smell?
-No, bro.
Why are you lying?
How did the guy cower down?
He cringed, he went to the defense.
Because brother,
this is the first thing we do
reflexively in the face of such people,
our behavior.
We get on the defensive right away,
we give up immediately,
we enclose ourselves.
They get on top of you,
they manipulate you, for years.
For years, you've been saying,
"Oh, let's not break up,
let's not lose our taste,
oh this, oh that..."
You couldn't say,
who are you to judge me,
Fuck your ancestors!
We couldn't say who are you?
Also, brother,
you don't notice, but you walk soft.
Show kindness or something,
and suddenly,
it turns out that over the years,
Your self-confidence is gone.
-Finished!
What is their biggest weapon?
"That was a joke."
He mocks you, when he gets the
slightest reaction from us,
"I was kidding bro, kidding!"
"I'm teasing you, how touchy you are!"
You're going to make
fun of me for no reason,
On top of that, I'll be the touchy one!
What should we do with these guys?
Don't get crazy if it's easy.
Anyway, brother,
I think the condition for a
person to be straight-out,
the fact that no one
around him is straight-out.
because as the people around
him tolerate them like this,
as long as you tolerate such and such,
They're walking around saying that
"I'm so straight,
I'm outspoken" or something.
İlkkan, you said something that...
Wait a minute.
What did I say?
Wow, well done.
What happened man?
We're going to make these people
drink their own poison, İlkkan,
that's the way to go.
"Poetic justice",
you know what it means?
-Huh huh.
-You don't know shit!
Poetic justice means "poetic justice".
-OK.
-And we
resort to poetic justice,
my brother, he compelled us.
Let me see.
I'm thinking right now whether it's
okay or not, it really depends on you.
How does it depend on me,
what should I do, brother,
should I insult the man,
I just can't do that,
I don't know if they understand this,
do they sense it, but,
they step over people like me more!
Not you or me bro.
Who bro?
Olgaç.
Fuck!
Are you still seeing each other?
It's been fifteen years,
we haven't been talking.
Olgaç is the one of those
random followers of mine,
he sometimes comes to the broadcasts.
How about him,
same as in high school or changed?
If I say worse, bro.
This is it.
Yılmaz, where did you think of him?
Look, I become happy.
In a language that
everyone understands!
You deserve it, it's over.
Yeah.
They didn't say for nothing, brother,
"There is an elephant
bigger than a camel".
İlkkan,
there is no person we can't fuck,
if we stand back to back.
That's what I believe.
Captain, they say that not a real
man come from your homeland, but
except you,
of course, except your family.
Though we don't know yet...
...if you are a man or not,
we'll see it at the end of this trip.
What if the captain deceives us?
What if he says,
"Brother, we went through the tunnel,
give me another fifty bucks".
We will see them on the way down.
Is his manhood in words or in layouts?
By the way, layout is
an architectural term guys,
this is what English calls
"presentation board".
It is true.
I mean, haven't you do such a thing,
circling around the bridge?
You didn't charge an extra three
or five cents to the taximeter?
-Tell the truth.
-We do not have such things.
Things like that happen, we see.
Guys, doesn't it happen more here?
He was angry, I understand.
My brother,
if you are going to be offended,
you shouldn't be doing
some professions.
I don't know,
you won't be a taxi driver or
you will not be a barber,
you will not be an artist.
-Yeah.
-Uncle,
but you behaved
shamefully to the driver.
What a shame?
I ask the man an honest question,
I say didn't you do it, I say did
you ever circled the customer,
so what, it was just two of us.
Ersoy, I have a hairstyle
just for you in my mind.
Let's sit and talk in
an appropriate moment.
How is it?
I've been watching you all the time for
the last two days, have you noticed?
-I paid attention, yes.
-Perfect for your face.
I have something on my mind,
let's talk.
Don't worry about it.
Look at this type, he was born
five minutes before a monkey.
-Aha!
-Talking.
Hello, are you here?
I'm waving at you, see?
"There are plenty fishes in the sea,
baldy!" he says!
Let him come, come on,
Olgaç, how many years has it been?
-Come on, come on!
-Wow wow wow!
Come to my dick, come here!
Oh, wow wow!
Look at my dear Yılmaz!
Fuck your ugliness!
-God, come here!
-Come man!
What is this ass, this belly?
Look at your weight,
your hair has already turned white!
-Yes, yes, right?
-Where am I sitting?
-Come to the seat of honor.
-I missed you so much.
Give me your jacket.
Hello, Olgaç, Olgaç.
I'm Ersoy.
Teacher, these are very poor.
This İlkkan and Yılmaz, are very poor.
When they called me, I mean,
when they invite me to a dinner,
I said what is going on, I guess
they have started to earn money.
Then I said,
are they become thieves or something?
-Man!
-Damn Olgaç!
-Hey!
-Olgaç.
We came here by sucking beautiful
friends like you, like a leech!
By sucking!
-Wow!
-My brother.
-Man.
-Zeki brother, Olgaç is
our friend from high school,
you know that I'm broadcasting,
on social media, live.
I saw one day, a follower
curses me bad, insults me bad.
Turns out it was Olgaç!
After all those years!
Ersoy, we told you a lot about Olgaç,
you must remember.
Yes, yes, that he is a
straight-out person, right?
-That's me.
-Yes.
He says straight-out person.
His mouth is fucked up,
I needed to translate him!
He become withdrawn.
For example you.
Ugly meatball!
Oh my god.
My lad!
-Welcome bro.
-Hello,
What if you cut a half
kilo from your nose,
let's throw it in the
barbecue and eat it, huh?
And he skewers us like this, Olgaç.
-A Zeki, and a tomato in line.
-Just like that!
One Olgaç, one Zeki, one tomato.
In line!
Brother "I'm just kidding" huh?
I'm kidding,
I'm kidding, joke, joke!
He says jokes in English,
don't get offended.
Gentlemen,
what do we drink, what do we eat?
By God, we will probably connect
a hose to my brother Olgaç,
with a size he possesses...
Daddy, it's obvious that they put
the hose inside you before, huh?
Look, you're a little bent to one side,
tell them to change your chair.
-Damn Olgaç!
-Wasn't it fine?
Good.
Olgaç, classic!
Let's order bro.
My brother,
plain raki, turnip, artichoke.
Sea beans bro.
Churchill, with a straw.
Is there anything special you want?
No bro, kidney beans.
-Shell beans.
-Shell beans.
Ersoy, what were you doing, my friend?
The father of this prick,
was going to open a draper for him.
But he screwed it up at the idea stage.
So think about it,
when he could have his own draper,
he got a job at someone else's draper.
Uncle!
You flabby squirrel!
-Zeki teacher, what do you do?
-Look, you said teacher, you knew.
Mashallah, my teacher Olgaç has
fortune telling,
singing, bragging, all of them.
Come on, cheers!
What kind of a teacher, jokes aside?
English,
I am an English teacher in İzmir.
God, I love it!
These are the teachers
who memorized and
recite these books,
you are my number one!
Take them to England,
leave them to Trafalgar Square,
They'll stun like a flock of turkeys,
They stun like that, no talking!
Such as "past tense,
future tense" are gone, lost!
Calm down okay, calm down.
Olgaç, come on!
My dear Olgaç.
Hey baby.
Zeki brother,
Olgaç studied theater in London.
"Performing Acting".
-I wish the best.
-Very nice.
Zeki teacher, try this:
"To you I introduce my fiance,
whom shall be my bride
in a short order."
But sir,
please use a "British" accent, okay?
My friend, now my voice is not well,
I'll say it later.
So let's not compete.
Gentlemen,
let me tell you a short little story.
Tell me, Olgaç, tell me, my brother.
-The ant asks the elephant.
-Yeah.
It's not so important what happened,
something like that,
something is going on there.
-Yeah.
-He also says to him,
"Let's not race our knowledge."
Just be quiet,
there are people in the restaurant!
Okay brother, you're going to die,
you will die here!
You won't be able to
get up from the table.
My God!
Olgaç, dude.
Your face is as bright as a melon,
are there such an
aesthetics or something?
Melon?
No, Zeki teacher, just some ears,
I turned the volume down,
so that I can't hear douchebags.
Damn Olgaç, you did it again!
You turned out better than I expected!
Brother,
we are disturbing people.
Oh dear Olgaç!
İlkkan, Yılmaz.
Brother, what a laugh we had!
We missed it.
We missed each other so much.
İlkkan, I have a theory about you.
-Yes say it.
-I think you were beardless,
-Yeah?
-having your hair completely removed,
you added them as a beard.
How did you know?
How can I be offended by this,
my brother, you are joking me!
Be quiet, be calm.
What a fucking
straight-out man you are!
What a straight-out man you are!
Where do you find these jokes?
What are you doing?
All right, be a human!
You are disturbing people.
Son, I'm going to crack!
-Enough, okay.
-Brother, give us a cup of tea!
What a laughter!
Of course,
it's all a joke, of course, no offense.
Please.
Ersoy,
this is out, son, give me a lighter.
I'm taking it.
I said the same thing at the union,
I'm a straight-out person bro,
are you offended?
Go fucking offend.
Well, I don't even care about,
I don't care. I'll say,
it's your problem and skip it.
Olgaç, meanwhile,
Zeki brother, although he is married,
he has a mistress here,
it's a joke material for you bro.
Alright,
I'll find something from there.
I gave, I gave it.
Honesty.
-He'll take it up his ass.
-Two, prosperity.
Three, frankness.
There's another one, you always say.
Yeah, what do I always, always say?
Frankness and shrewdness.
-Yeah, shrewdness.
-True.
İlkkan,
the other, what was the name of him?
Olgaç.
-Zeki, Zeki.
-You're Zeki.
Take this Ersoy's class as an example,
my son.
-Yes.
-Intelligence.
- Right, right Ersoy.
-Quality.
That's right, Ersoy is very...
Quality for sure.
The day I met Ersoy,
I already said to İlkkan,
Did you see İlkkan,
did you notice that a
light shines in this boy?
We realized Ersoy in
the very first day.
-Isn't it, brother?
-Thank you, thank you.
Son, I'm joking, but you are my
dear.
-I know, uncle.
-You are a perfect person.
I know you, I know you.
Anyways.
-Four, three...
-Three.
Three.
Morality, four...
Mistress.
What?
I'm joking, teacher.
No offense, no offense, just kidding.
What do you mean,
how do you know?
Besides, whose girlfriend
are you calling a mistress?
Let me get that phone so that
nothing will happen to it.
My teacher,
birds sing to some, foxes to others.
Yılmaz!
Okay come on,
okay, we laughed, we had fun,
Okay,
we ate our food, we ate our fruit,
we drank our tea,
let's say goodbye slowly.
Yes, I think it's time
to say goodbye slowly.
-Let's say it.
-Let's say one.
Goodbye!
Slowly goodbye, you got it huh?
Son, I'm going to crack!
Is that a joke now, crooked head?
-Uncle okay, come on.
-What the hell are you saying?
-I'm hanging out, son.
-What are you hanging out with?
You're directly insulting man, ass!
What's wrong if I'm an ass?
-What will happen if I am an ass?
-Come on, Yılmaz, İlkkan?
Fuck off,
get up from the table, get up.
I'll pay the bill, loser dog, get up!
-Whose bill are you paying!
-No, no.
-Are you crazy?
-Uncle, uncle!
-You jerk!
-Oh my goodness!
Let him go!
What are you doing, son?
-Where did Ersoy go?
-Ersoy, my son, what happened?
Damn, shame on you.
Olgaç,
fuck off and don't come again
for another fifteen years.
For example, brother,
I do not get angry easily, I set apart.
But when I'm angry, no one can
stand in the way of my anger.
-True.
-Yeah.
For example,
reflect this, show this from your
social media profile,
that is, this feature.
Okay.
It could be this,
Ever since I was a child,
I could never stand injustice.
Yes, I know, and I know only you,
İlkkan cannot stand injustice, we are
very resistant to injustice with Ersoy.
So weirdly,
take me in front of you, I'll
resist to your injustice for hours,
-Then I loved my grandmother very much.
-May her rest in peace.
I loved her too.
But here you go.
I also loved my grandmother very much.
See, everyone loves their grandmother,
because all mammals
love their grandmother,
so it doesn't matter whether
it's human or animal.
Find something else.
That's very ordinary.
Hey, dear Yılmaz, Ersoy.
-Huh?
-Dyslexia.
What dyslexia?
Dyslexia.
Do you want to be dyslexic?
I'm giving an example.
But İlkkan, that is,
it will not be okay to choose disease.
Why dyslexia,
rather than kidney failure?
Because you have a light of a genius
and that's why you want to be dyslexic?
Brother, okay, okay.
By the way, 22 new followers have
arrived, from that last photo.
Congratulations.
Less than I expected, but still good.
İlkkan, a healthy person should
not be loved sometimes, my brother.
Because when he is not loved, it is
almost training time for a person.
Yeah.
Think of it as a
self-knowledge exercise.
-Yeah.
-That's right, bro.
-Shall I shoot you?
-Yes.
-Let me take a photo of you Ersoy.
-I do not want.
-Let me take a shot.
-I do not want.
-Come, give it.
-Come on my Ersoy.
Come on, let me shoot you now.
Come near.
Ersoy, let me see your smile.
It's doing very well.
Look, look, look.
And let me pretend to be surprised,
-by this state of Ersoy.
-Do it like this.
It is very nice.
By the way,
I forgot to tell you,
well, İlkkan.
You need to call Ethem sometime,
they cut off Ethem's ear, brother.
The second one too?
No, he took it to hospital immediately,
they stitched it back.
Yeah.
-Brother...
-Let's call him sometime.
Let's not call,
let's write, he will not hear now.
Of course, to the Whatsapp group
-we write.
-OK.
Two straight-out person
phone down or hold it.
Do not take it and drop
it continuously, please.
I'm checking to see if
I got a notification.
Notification comes with a sound.
Turn the volume of
your phone up, let it ring when
the notification comes, okay?
İlkkan,
this was your sick smile, by the way.
Are you talking to a lady?
No bro,
I mean, I don't know, it could be.
Are you talking to living things,
in a much larger perspective?
I mean, it's not like a conversation,
bro, I'm answering questions.
What question
are you answering?
For example, this writer asked,
are you a cat or a dog person?
Yeah,
so?
Brother,
this is an application called
"Ask me a question".
You open a session,
people ask you questions.
What answer did you
give to this question?
I said cat bro,
because I'm a cat person.
İlkkan, I have to object to that bro.
You are by no means a cat person.
So I don't want you to fool yourself,
you're not.
Brother, how do you know
if I'm a cat person or not?
Only I can know that, you're not bro.
Because İlkkan, let alone owning a cat,
let alone spending time with a cat,
stroking a cat's head,
you haven't even seen a cat
in the last five years,
I'm a witness to that,
you don't have any desires,
habits and physical conditions,
to be a cat person.
Bro I'm a cat person.
This is my persona.
Bravo.
Who asks you these questions?
Random people.
Why do random people ask you questions?
It's not random bro,
these are the people who follow me.
You said random now.
Does random means random?
Random means volunteer.
Thank God, Zeki brother comes.
He will put an end to the
differences of opinion on English.
What is this brother,
did you order tea?
Yes.
It hurts a lot, it hurts a lot.
Ersoy, answer very fast, cat or dog?
Dog.
Wrong.
You're wrong too.
What's wrong? I'm a dog lover.
-You're not.
-Come on, İlkkan.
He's waiting,
let's not keep him waiting.
Come on İlkkan.
Okay!
Okay, anyway.
Did you pay the bill?
Why didn't you pay while
I was on the toilet?
You had time, you ordered tea,
instead of having a tea...
Or you could say "Tea,
and check please."
Ersoy you started to talk more
since they cut your mouth open.
It's amazing!
İlkkan is giving an interview.
Come on İlkkan, come on bro.
Look,
let me tell you while it's on my mind.
My uncle is a very straight-out person.
-What, what kind of a person?
-Straight-out.
So he is, don't do anything,
don't be surprised, okay?
Walk a little slow, son!
Brother,
we need to hurry, he's waiting.
Those who know him for the first time,
say he is weird.
Don't be like it,
my uncle is outspoken.
Okay, why are you trying to
convince us, your mouth is going to
explode, calm down.
-Yeah.
For your information!
-Okay brother.
-He makes jokes or something, but,
despite his words are harsh,
he is a good person.
-Ersoy...
-You'll get used to him.
...I like such a person anyway,
instead of being sneaky,
-be frank, okay.
-Of course!
Yılmaz, Yılmaz, take a picture of me.
Dude, it's not even a car,
-are you crazy?
-Dude, come here and shoot!
İlkkan, brother...
The owner will arrive, come on!
-Come on!
-You make me mess with shitty things.
Wait a minute!
I'll do various poses, you take a few.
- Where's that photo thing?
-I opened the camera.
-It is closed.
-You should click
-on the camera, son.
-Brother, come on!
-One second, brother.
-Hold on.
İlkkan!
Why are you making me deal with
such things, my son?
God's...
What is this brother, what are
these movements, son?
This car is junk!
Damn boy, the joke is there anyway.
Give.
Oh, brother it's very good,
there is a great irony here.
I mean, everybody poses with the
new cars, and I did with this!
This is too much of an irony, İlkkan.
-Come on, dudes!
-Are you sure about this irony?
-Son, this is the funeral...
-My uncle just came for you,
-he's here for you, my uncle!
-...shut up!
-What a shame...
-You make me shout in the middle of
the street!
-The man is at the bus station!
Wait a minute son,
I'm explaining one thing, look.
-This is hearse.
-Yeah.
It used to carry the dead,
but now, it's dead!
Get the fuck out of there!
So in this case...
Come on, please!
...that's what the hearse is.
God...
-Uncle!
-Wow!
Man, I swear, I said, big city...
...are you big or am I bigger?
When you didn't come, I guessed that
the city is bigger.
I'm returning, "sorry baby".
What happened?
What?
Go away!
Well, let's go to the sidewalk.
I swear I was going back
so I said "bye bye baby".
-What's up, wrestler?
-I'm fine, uncle.
What did you do to your mouth?
Boy, you were already ugly,
now you're swollen like a mole.
Let's talk a bit.
Zeki brother,
Ersoy had surgery on four of his teeth,
that's why he talks like that,
he talks, but in this way.
I guess it's not clear.
You're getting more attractive
when you are not talking, shut up.
By the way,
we are very sorry, we kept you waiting,
we hurried as much as we could,
but you know,
we walked quite a bit though, but
there was a pedestrian traffic, right?
I'm sorry.
What is your name?
İlkkan.
What is your name?
My name is Yılmaz.
These are OK son, the half of
TOEFL is over, said no one ever!
Çiko, we also need to do some training,
it is not possible with the belly.
-Okay, we'll do it, uncle.
-Come on.
Let's go.
-How was the trip?
-Well, it was hot.
-Have you had carsick?
-No, there is none, they are not zero
in terms of English, right?
I was expecting rain today.
Guys, I feel hungry, should we get
something to eat before
entering the house?
Okay, let's see if we find some
shop on the side of the road.
OK.
-You have a license, don't you?
-Sorry bro?
I'm kidding bro, I'm kidding.
By the way, the inside of
the car smells of lahmacun.
You buried two hot ones
during lunch break, eh?
No, my brother.
There is no lahmacun.
It shouldn't smell bro...
-Come on, Songül!
-Hello.
-Welcome.
-Hi.
Actually, if I didn't sit, you're
crowded, I came to just say hello.
No way dear.
You shouldn't be standing like that.
Slip a little İlkkan, slip, come.
I'm Zeki, I'm the uncle of this animal.
Your name?
Songül, I'm glad.
Oh, Songül?
Nevermind.
It's a bit of a redneck name,
but your face is decent thankfully.
They named you out of tradition
or something, alright.
-Ersoy, I'm going to eat ravioli.
-Yes uncle.
Songül, Zeki brother is Ersoy's uncle,
lives in İzmir.
He just arrived here.
He is an English teacher there.
Here, Yılmaz and I will
enter TOEFL exam, he will
help us,
like a private lesson, thanks to him.
He'll be on some sort
of holiday as well.
Pardon him.
Zeki brother, what is your schedule
now, how many days are you staying?
Friday,
Saturday, eleven days with today.
Eleven days?
We have a work to do with these.
One bald,
one obese, his teeth gone too.
and a Mongolian soldier.
He will take TOEFL!
Yes, young people.
Irregular verbs.
Form "to go".
Go, went, gone.
Form "to be".
-To be.
-Being.
Was.
Were.
To been.
How does that not suit you?
It's as if you've handed a bean
to a primate, and it combs out.
Hey God!
He was like this when he was a kid,
He hung on that "I'm going to play
football!"
We got him, how incompetent,
-how incompetent he was!
-Uncle!
Dude, don't do anything, I'm hanging
out, don't get angry right away.
By the way, what did you say?
Form it out again, "to be".
voz.
Va.
Wor.
Be,
arz.
-How much is this?
-Was.
-Come on Zeki brother...
-How many is this, son?
-Four.
-English!
-Four.
-He knew!
Damn arctic fox!
If I told it to that coffee table,
it would learn English.
Show an IQ to your uncle, lad.
Zeki brother, with your permission,
-can I go to a toilet?
-Go.
Form İlkkan, "to read".
to read, rent, run.
It's something else.
-Here, go, rent.
-Read, read, read.
A minute.
Read, read, read.
The second version is the same
as the third version, read.
"Red" means red?
-No.
-He's tired, he's tired uncle.
İlkkan,
you can take a break if you want.
-What?
-Take a break.
Yes, let me have a drink of water.
Of course.
-Uncle, what are you doing?
-What?
-You are embarrassing me.
-What?
-You're embarrassing me!
-Am I embarrassing you?
I'm teaching English,
they can't fucking speak.
They are speaking like
"red, ridi, rid, bi".
Not like this,
not like this.
Leave people alone.
Yes friends, welcome back again.
I am going on live broadcast again
with a sentence that I love very much.
"Life doesn't always meet our
desires and expectations."
Yes, welcome.
Right now, yes,
our numbers are increasing gradually.
Yes, there is a question.
"I do not believe that
men and women are equal."
What's this?
Brother, I'm on live broadcast.
Chatting with my followers.
Son,
you're going to shut the shop to the
broadcast that only eight people
attended.
What the heck is this?
Yes, Zeki brother came,
he will go now, friends.
Guys, raise this kid's
ego a little bit, there is
no food in real life,
at least lick each other here.
Turkish delight with roses, with roses!
Good luck.
Sorry guys,
Zeki brother is the uncle of my friend,
Ersoy, whom I always tell you about.
Yes,
let's continue with one more quote.
There are only two of us left,
but I think those who
left are missing some surprises,
just so you know.
Yes, example.
The seat is...
The seat is...
Taken!
Well done!
What did you do today son,
did you eat molasses or something?
Well done to you, well done!
The seat is taken.
-Brother, the food has arrived.
-Stop, don't do fake stand up.
It's like he has money.
Salam alaikum brother.
Dude, don't tie these things
up so much, the food is
getting cold until I
open it for fuck's sake.
With that being said,
the hair is not great.
Look, a brother advice.
Take that shirt out of your pants, too.
-What's your name? Put that hair back.
-Şahin brother.
-Son, take it off, dry ass.
-Brother, what are you doing?
-Have some coolness!
-Zeki brother, what are you doing?
For God's sake, stop!
-Stop, son, we'll deal with the card.
-Thank you very much, brother.
-Thanks.
-İlkkan card...
Brother, please, I paid.
Brother, what are you doing?
The man's in trouble anyway,
he's going to stick into us!
Son, I'm messing around.
Also, I'm saying it for his own good.
What happened?
You say that you are on the
side of the worker, well done.
They are young, they should
pay attention to such things.
Yes, brother, let's finish this capter.
It's not capter, dumbass!
"Chapter, chapter"!
Capter he says.
God...
Zeki brother, may I pass?
Come.
Yes.
The homework is...
The homework is...
Boy, is there such a nice
ice cream shop around here?
But it should be real, like sorbe.
With goat's milk.
The others are full of shit.
If there is any, let me buy you some.
I mean,
there's one up ahead, brother, but I
don't know if it's really like that,
as you said.
-But we eat with pleasure.
-Well, let's see.
Why are you getting defensive now?
Why?
What a passive man you are!
-Gee!
-How passive you are!
So what are you doing,
are you attacking?
-You are passive.
-He pressured you too, man.
Why are you criticizing me?
Fool.
Geesh,
am I going to wear these pretty pink?
İlkkan what do you
want me to do exactly?
Shall I turn the time back bro?
You're going to wear this t-shirt
in pink, what should I do?
By the way, it's not the
color pink that irritates me.
That my t-shirts have changed
color against my will!
İlkkan, bro, then we do it like this.
I mean, it happened unintentionally.
Next week I'll throw my black
sweater inside your whites,
we'll achieve the intermediate color
of burgundy, a beautiful burgundy
Okay?
Get you gone!
Fuck off!
Go wherever you can buy it,
I don't sell it!
Old man,
what are you getting angry about,
-I'm messing around!
-May you cancel our tea order?
Go away!
I'll break your mouth and face!
You made ice cream like a fuck!
-And you're talking!
-Uncle, enough.
-Uncle, Yılmaz!
-Don't make me shit on your ice cream.
-What's going on, what's going on?
-Oh God!
What's going on, Ersoy?
For God's sake.
Come on uncle!
-It's been an hour. One hour.
-I got it.
Brother,
who knows to whom he went again,
and said something there
and messing around.
Okay it's between us.
We are not insignificant people.
-Did he come?
-Sit down.
Why?
He can't come, brother.
How can he not come?
Breaking news.
It turns out that my uncle
has a girlfriend here,
he went to the hotel,
he is going to meet her.
Is he there anymore,
doesn't he come to us anymore?
He will come,
I asked him, he will come.
Now he's at the hotel,
with his girlfriend?
No, he will come.
-He will, stay with us...
- Yes.
Wasn't your uncle married?
Uh-huh.
Now it's clear,
the reason why did he come to İstanbul.
-İlkkan!
-Uh, İlkkan!
We are waiting here too,
in case he comes
and teaches us, geesh!
We don't need an eleven-day
English adventure anyway,
so our shortcomings are clear,
these are the things that can be
compensated in four or five days.
This trip, planned for eleven days...
Well, nevermind.
Really, but he was a man, your uncle,
were you saying the essence word one,
what were you saying?
-Straight-out.
-Yes, straight-out.
I'll say let's study, no,
I lost my taste, never mind, let's see.
Okay, say something.
-What should I tell?
-What are you doing?
This seat is taken!
Ersoy, you can tell your uncle.
That's it.
What are you doing bro?
What did I do to you?
Who are you bro?
Brother, they fired me this morning,
what kind of comment are you writing?
What comment?
Did you come wrong?
No bro,
didn't I bring you food that day?
You know, that brother said my hair
is ugly, then I went to the store,
then Kemal brother said "fuck off,
what kind of comment
the customer wrote because of you!"
and fired me.
Dude, wait a minute, w..
You've made me fired!
Son, we didn't write a
comment or anything, calm down,
I'll give you a water,
just a second.
I don't want water bro!
Look at this comment,
what did you write!
Let me see what we wrote?
"We said burrito without potatoes,
you piled onions and potatoes in
it, it was filled with potatoes to
the brim, we ordered coke, ayran came,
These are okay, but the friend
who brought it was a motormouth,
he was dowdy, we ask questions,
he snaps, we said why are you late,
He looks at us as if he is cursing,
has an ugly style,
and behaves like saying,
"Don't eat if you don't like it!"
Something like this...
Did you write this comment?
-What?
-Did you write this comment?
Am I a maniac bro,
I didn't write a comment or anything.
Brother, did I bring it late?
Did I say something like cursing?
-I do not know.
-Yılmaz,
I wrote the comment, buddy.
I entered in Ersoy's app,
and I banged out.
Of course, you're used to it.
As long as you submit to bad service,
these things get worse.
Brother,
they fired the child, he lost his job.
Why are you commenting
on our burrito shop?
What goes through my heart
always comes out of my mouth.
Those who don't want to hear the truth,
stay away from me, that's all.
Take it bro, put this in your pocket,
now this address's phone,
okay, my phone,
registered, message me from there,
I will come and talk to your boss,
there was a
misunderstanding,
we will solve it,
-Okay?
-Okay bro.
There is a very straight-out
guest in our house right now.
We're dealing with his shit,
his stuff right now, okay coach?
I will come, I will solve this job, I
will talk, in the worst case scenario,
this is a
wide circle, they know me too,
I'll get you to another work,
well, okay?
-Okay bro.
-I don't want any trouble,
Don't be sad, don't cry,
this will be done, it will be over,
okay, wipe your tears, wipe.
I'm sorry, okay?
Call me on the weekend.
-Okey brother.
-See you later.
-Give your blessing brother.
-God bless you.
Oh, uncle!
Brother, there is no resentment
or offense in this job.
Let's talk bro, that's enough,
I don't want it under these conditions,
Fuck the English!
But there is Ersoy,
brother, by the way.
So, I can't be angry with Ersoy,
what should I do to him,
you can't eat it or rub it on,
it's your uncle!
-Of course, dear.
-What should the boy do now?
It's not up to him already, bro.
He had the courier fired!
The guy is unemployed!
You know our pide maker Mr. Varol,
I made him work by his side.
We also adopted a courier,
it's just what you need!
Straight-out...
Fuck your straight and fuck your out!
He got me to that point!
I mean, look, Yılmaz,
when one thinks of straight-out,
I think of you.
I always say,
I say Yılmaz, is a straight-out person.
-Thanks.
-But you,
you are a positive straight-out.
For example, you told me that
you are not a cat person.
You are not bro.
You justified it by this and that,
and you reasoned it.
So can I explain?
It corrected me,
because it's a constructive situation.
Thank you brother, thank you.
He will go bro, it's over.
Let's talk.
Let us go, if not!
-Yes, let's go.
- Let's go, brother.
What the hell is this,
we said straight-out but,
dude came out as a rattlesnake,
he stings constantly!
Look at the words,
"Bald, fat, fox."
-Who are you?
-Who do you think you are?
-Dumbass!
-Go look at yourself first.
So, brother, someone shouldn't
be that much straight-out.
So, the inside and outside of
a person must be separated.
I've been analyzing for two days,
remember that thing, the taxi driver,
what he said to the guy
out of the blue, well...
He said he smells like lahmacun.
What's wrong with you!
He didn't smell!
-Did you get such a smell?
-No, bro.
Why are you lying?
How did the guy cower down?
He cringed, he went to the defense.
Because brother,
this is the first thing we do
reflexively in the face of such people,
our behavior.
We get on the defensive right away,
we give up immediately,
we enclose ourselves.
They get on top of you,
they manipulate you, for years.
For years, you've been saying,
"Oh, let's not break up,
let's not lose our taste,
oh this, oh that..."
You couldn't say,
who are you to judge me,
Fuck your ancestors!
We couldn't say who are you?
Also, brother,
you don't notice, but you walk soft.
Show kindness or something,
and suddenly,
it turns out that over the years,
Your self-confidence is gone.
-Finished!
What is their biggest weapon?
"That was a joke."
He mocks you, when he gets the
slightest reaction from us,
"I was kidding bro, kidding!"
"I'm teasing you, how touchy you are!"
You're going to make
fun of me for no reason,
On top of that, I'll be the touchy one!
What should we do with these guys?
Don't get crazy if it's easy.
Anyway, brother,
I think the condition for a
person to be straight-out,
the fact that no one
around him is straight-out.
because as the people around
him tolerate them like this,
as long as you tolerate such and such,
They're walking around saying that
"I'm so straight,
I'm outspoken" or something.
İlkkan, you said something that...
Wait a minute.
What did I say?
Wow, well done.
What happened man?
We're going to make these people
drink their own poison, İlkkan,
that's the way to go.
"Poetic justice",
you know what it means?
-Huh huh.
-You don't know shit!
Poetic justice means "poetic justice".
-OK.
-And we
resort to poetic justice,
my brother, he compelled us.
Let me see.
I'm thinking right now whether it's
okay or not, it really depends on you.
How does it depend on me,
what should I do, brother,
should I insult the man,
I just can't do that,
I don't know if they understand this,
do they sense it, but,
they step over people like me more!
Not you or me bro.
Who bro?
Olgaç.
Fuck!
Are you still seeing each other?
It's been fifteen years,
we haven't been talking.
Olgaç is the one of those
random followers of mine,
he sometimes comes to the broadcasts.
How about him,
same as in high school or changed?
If I say worse, bro.
This is it.
Yılmaz, where did you think of him?
Look, I become happy.
In a language that
everyone understands!
You deserve it, it's over.
Yeah.
They didn't say for nothing, brother,
"There is an elephant
bigger than a camel".
İlkkan,
there is no person we can't fuck,
if we stand back to back.
That's what I believe.
Captain, they say that not a real
man come from your homeland, but
except you,
of course, except your family.
Though we don't know yet...
...if you are a man or not,
we'll see it at the end of this trip.
What if the captain deceives us?
What if he says,
"Brother, we went through the tunnel,
give me another fifty bucks".
We will see them on the way down.
Is his manhood in words or in layouts?
By the way, layout is
an architectural term guys,
this is what English calls
"presentation board".
It is true.
I mean, haven't you do such a thing,
circling around the bridge?
You didn't charge an extra three
or five cents to the taximeter?
-Tell the truth.
-We do not have such things.
Things like that happen, we see.
Guys, doesn't it happen more here?
He was angry, I understand.
My brother,
if you are going to be offended,
you shouldn't be doing
some professions.
I don't know,
you won't be a taxi driver or
you will not be a barber,
you will not be an artist.
-Yeah.
-Uncle,
but you behaved
shamefully to the driver.
What a shame?
I ask the man an honest question,
I say didn't you do it, I say did
you ever circled the customer,
so what, it was just two of us.
Ersoy, I have a hairstyle
just for you in my mind.
Let's sit and talk in
an appropriate moment.
How is it?
I've been watching you all the time for
the last two days, have you noticed?
-I paid attention, yes.
-Perfect for your face.
I have something on my mind,
let's talk.
Don't worry about it.
Look at this type, he was born
five minutes before a monkey.
-Aha!
-Talking.
Hello, are you here?
I'm waving at you, see?
"There are plenty fishes in the sea,
baldy!" he says!
Let him come, come on,
Olgaç, how many years has it been?
-Come on, come on!
-Wow wow wow!
Come to my dick, come here!
Oh, wow wow!
Look at my dear Yılmaz!
Fuck your ugliness!
-God, come here!
-Come man!
What is this ass, this belly?
Look at your weight,
your hair has already turned white!
-Yes, yes, right?
-Where am I sitting?
-Come to the seat of honor.
-I missed you so much.
Give me your jacket.
Hello, Olgaç, Olgaç.
I'm Ersoy.
Teacher, these are very poor.
This İlkkan and Yılmaz, are very poor.
When they called me, I mean,
when they invite me to a dinner,
I said what is going on, I guess
they have started to earn money.
Then I said,
are they become thieves or something?
-Man!
-Damn Olgaç!
-Hey!
-Olgaç.
We came here by sucking beautiful
friends like you, like a leech!
By sucking!
-Wow!
-My brother.
-Man.
-Zeki brother, Olgaç is
our friend from high school,
you know that I'm broadcasting,
on social media, live.
I saw one day, a follower
curses me bad, insults me bad.
Turns out it was Olgaç!
After all those years!
Ersoy, we told you a lot about Olgaç,
you must remember.
Yes, yes, that he is a
straight-out person, right?
-That's me.
-Yes.
He says straight-out person.
His mouth is fucked up,
I needed to translate him!
He become withdrawn.
For example you.
Ugly meatball!
Oh my god.
My lad!
-Welcome bro.
-Hello,
What if you cut a half
kilo from your nose,
let's throw it in the
barbecue and eat it, huh?
And he skewers us like this, Olgaç.
-A Zeki, and a tomato in line.
-Just like that!
One Olgaç, one Zeki, one tomato.
In line!
Brother "I'm just kidding" huh?
I'm kidding,
I'm kidding, joke, joke!
He says jokes in English,
don't get offended.
Gentlemen,
what do we drink, what do we eat?
By God, we will probably connect
a hose to my brother Olgaç,
with a size he possesses...
Daddy, it's obvious that they put
the hose inside you before, huh?
Look, you're a little bent to one side,
tell them to change your chair.
-Damn Olgaç!
-Wasn't it fine?
Good.
Olgaç, classic!
Let's order bro.
My brother,
plain raki, turnip, artichoke.
Sea beans bro.
Churchill, with a straw.
Is there anything special you want?
No bro, kidney beans.
-Shell beans.
-Shell beans.
Ersoy, what were you doing, my friend?
The father of this prick,
was going to open a draper for him.
But he screwed it up at the idea stage.
So think about it,
when he could have his own draper,
he got a job at someone else's draper.
Uncle!
You flabby squirrel!
-Zeki teacher, what do you do?
-Look, you said teacher, you knew.
Mashallah, my teacher Olgaç has
fortune telling,
singing, bragging, all of them.
Come on, cheers!
What kind of a teacher, jokes aside?
English,
I am an English teacher in İzmir.
God, I love it!
These are the teachers
who memorized and
recite these books,
you are my number one!
Take them to England,
leave them to Trafalgar Square,
They'll stun like a flock of turkeys,
They stun like that, no talking!
Such as "past tense,
future tense" are gone, lost!
Calm down okay, calm down.
Olgaç, come on!
My dear Olgaç.
Hey baby.
Zeki brother,
Olgaç studied theater in London.
"Performing Acting".
-I wish the best.
-Very nice.
Zeki teacher, try this:
"To you I introduce my fiance,
whom shall be my bride
in a short order."
But sir,
please use a "British" accent, okay?
My friend, now my voice is not well,
I'll say it later.
So let's not compete.
Gentlemen,
let me tell you a short little story.
Tell me, Olgaç, tell me, my brother.
-The ant asks the elephant.
-Yeah.
It's not so important what happened,
something like that,
something is going on there.
-Yeah.
-He also says to him,
"Let's not race our knowledge."
Just be quiet,
there are people in the restaurant!
Okay brother, you're going to die,
you will die here!
You won't be able to
get up from the table.
My God!
Olgaç, dude.
Your face is as bright as a melon,
are there such an
aesthetics or something?
Melon?
No, Zeki teacher, just some ears,
I turned the volume down,
so that I can't hear douchebags.
Damn Olgaç, you did it again!
You turned out better than I expected!
Brother,
we are disturbing people.
Oh dear Olgaç!
İlkkan, Yılmaz.
Brother, what a laugh we had!
We missed it.
We missed each other so much.
İlkkan, I have a theory about you.
-Yes say it.
-I think you were beardless,
-Yeah?
-having your hair completely removed,
you added them as a beard.
How did you know?
How can I be offended by this,
my brother, you are joking me!
Be quiet, be calm.
What a fucking
straight-out man you are!
What a straight-out man you are!
Where do you find these jokes?
What are you doing?
All right, be a human!
You are disturbing people.
Son, I'm going to crack!
-Enough, okay.
-Brother, give us a cup of tea!
What a laughter!
Of course,
it's all a joke, of course, no offense.
Please.
Ersoy,
this is out, son, give me a lighter.
I'm taking it.
I said the same thing at the union,
I'm a straight-out person bro,
are you offended?
Go fucking offend.
Well, I don't even care about,
I don't care. I'll say,
it's your problem and skip it.
Olgaç, meanwhile,
Zeki brother, although he is married,
he has a mistress here,
it's a joke material for you bro.
Alright,
I'll find something from there.
I gave, I gave it.
Honesty.
-He'll take it up his ass.
-Two, prosperity.
Three, frankness.
There's another one, you always say.
Yeah, what do I always, always say?
Frankness and shrewdness.
-Yeah, shrewdness.
-True.
İlkkan,
the other, what was the name of him?
Olgaç.
-Zeki, Zeki.
-You're Zeki.
Take this Ersoy's class as an example,
my son.
-Yes.
-Intelligence.
- Right, right Ersoy.
-Quality.
That's right, Ersoy is very...
Quality for sure.
The day I met Ersoy,
I already said to İlkkan,
Did you see İlkkan,
did you notice that a
light shines in this boy?
We realized Ersoy in
the very first day.
-Isn't it, brother?
-Thank you, thank you.
Son, I'm joking, but you are my
dear.
-I know, uncle.
-You are a perfect person.
I know you, I know you.
Anyways.
-Four, three...
-Three.
Three.
Morality, four...
Mistress.
What?
I'm joking, teacher.
No offense, no offense, just kidding.
What do you mean,
how do you know?
Besides, whose girlfriend
are you calling a mistress?
Let me get that phone so that
nothing will happen to it.
My teacher,
birds sing to some, foxes to others.
Yılmaz!
Okay come on,
okay, we laughed, we had fun,
Okay,
we ate our food, we ate our fruit,
we drank our tea,
let's say goodbye slowly.
Yes, I think it's time
to say goodbye slowly.
-Let's say it.
-Let's say one.
Goodbye!
Slowly goodbye, you got it huh?
Son, I'm going to crack!
Is that a joke now, crooked head?
-Uncle okay, come on.
-What the hell are you saying?
-I'm hanging out, son.
-What are you hanging out with?
You're directly insulting man, ass!
What's wrong if I'm an ass?
-What will happen if I am an ass?
-Come on, Yılmaz, İlkkan?
Fuck off,
get up from the table, get up.
I'll pay the bill, loser dog, get up!
-Whose bill are you paying!
-No, no.
-Are you crazy?
-Uncle, uncle!
-You jerk!
-Oh my goodness!
Let him go!
What are you doing, son?
-Where did Ersoy go?
-Ersoy, my son, what happened?
Damn, shame on you.
Olgaç,
fuck off and don't come again
for another fifteen years.
For example, brother,
I do not get angry easily, I set apart.
But when I'm angry, no one can
stand in the way of my anger.
-True.
-Yeah.
For example,
reflect this, show this from your
social media profile,
that is, this feature.
Okay.
It could be this,
Ever since I was a child,
I could never stand injustice.
Yes, I know, and I know only you,
İlkkan cannot stand injustice, we are
very resistant to injustice with Ersoy.
So weirdly,
take me in front of you, I'll
resist to your injustice for hours,
-Then I loved my grandmother very much.
-May her rest in peace.
I loved her too.
But here you go.
I also loved my grandmother very much.
See, everyone loves their grandmother,
because all mammals
love their grandmother,
so it doesn't matter whether
it's human or animal.
Find something else.
That's very ordinary.
Hey, dear Yılmaz, Ersoy.
-Huh?
-Dyslexia.
What dyslexia?
Dyslexia.
Do you want to be dyslexic?
I'm giving an example.
But İlkkan, that is,
it will not be okay to choose disease.
Why dyslexia,
rather than kidney failure?
Because you have a light of a genius
and that's why you want to be dyslexic?
Brother, okay, okay.
By the way, 22 new followers have
arrived, from that last photo.
Congratulations.
Less than I expected, but still good.
İlkkan, a healthy person should
not be loved sometimes, my brother.
Because when he is not loved, it is
almost training time for a person.
Yeah.
Think of it as a
self-knowledge exercise.
-Yeah.
-That's right, bro.
-Shall I shoot you?
-Yes.
-Let me take a photo of you Ersoy.
-I do not want.
-Let me take a shot.
-I do not want.
-Come, give it.
-Come on my Ersoy.
Come on, let me shoot you now.
Come near.
Ersoy, let me see your smile.
It's doing very well.
Look, look, look.
And let me pretend to be surprised,
-by this state of Ersoy.
-Do it like this.
It is very nice.
By the way,
I forgot to tell you,
well, İlkkan.
You need to call Ethem sometime,
they cut off Ethem's ear, brother.
The second one too?
No, he took it to hospital immediately,
they stitched it back.
Yeah.
-Brother...
-Let's call him sometime.
Let's not call,
let's write, he will not hear now.
Of course, to the Whatsapp group
-we write.
-OK.
Two straight-out person