As If (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 11 - Yilmaz Bey Banyo - full transcript

The elderly have a hard time with
taking a bath. It's so hard to be old.

-Why?
-They really have a hard time with it.

They have a hard time with everything,
but especially with taking a bath.

Why? Are they taking a bath
for the first time?

They can take a bath the way
they have taken a bath all their lives.

No, think about yourself and me.
Sometimes even we

have a hard time taking a bath.

When this thing is so hard even for us,
think about them.

I've been sitting with my pants,
and towel in my hand ever since,

but I couldn't go into the shower.

Why can't you take a bath? Get in
the shower, take a bath, and get out.



It's nothing like that.

There are six old people

just in this building.

Do you know what I mean?
And some of them live alone.

Don't you ever think about
how these people take a bath?

No, I don't, because nobody thinks
something like this.

Look, he lives next door.

-Which one?
-The one with chickpeas in his arms.

-How do you know him?
-I see him all the time.

So what's the big deal?
He does grocery shopping.

Yes, that's what I say.
They are silently struggling.

Okay, but what can we do?
Shall I go, and carry his chickpeas?

Bravo! Yes!

But anyone can do this. Even
he's carrying five packs of chickpeas.



We have to do
what cannot be done, İlkkan.

-What?
-Yes, we have to do that.

Where is this kid?

We need to eat apples.

-Okay, let's buy, and eat.
-No, I'm just saying.

-I bought five Çokoşok. Is this enough?
-What is that?

A real flavor bomb.

Okay, buy some more then.
Five wouldn't be enough.

Buy some salty stuff.
We've bought so much sweet stuff.

Say what is not said,
do what is not done.

You have to step in.

Do you want me to tell an old man
who is a stranger, "Can I bathe you?"

First of all,
I can't ask anyone for this.

I'm just saying it's necessary.

-What do you want to drink? Coke?
-I want coke.

-I'll drink tea.
-Okay.

We all live a life, right?

But when it comes to
making these lives easier...

Everybody stands aghast.

İlkkan, you've wanted some salty stuff,
but I don't want to buy them.

We've bought sweet stuff and coke.
Buy some salty stuff as well.

We have to handle social consciousness
at the individual level.

Open the internet, open the TV,
open the newspapers,

you will see a very caring society.

If you saw this thing on the internet,
you would agree.

You'd say,
"Yes, we have to bathe the old people."

But this idea scares you,
because I'm a real person,

and I've told you this personally.
That's the case.

I understand, but you have to
understand that this is unrealistic.

That won't do.

If necessary, we will live this life
by touching,

and feeling everybody.
I want to know everybody.

I will ask this old guy.

-I am like his grandson.
-Don't talk nonsense.

-I won't be offended.
-Are you crazy?

I have to ask this. I'm going to ask,

-I don't care what he says.
-Ask then.

-He will snap at you.
-He can swear as much as he wants.

-I'll ask him.
-Let him go.

-How are you?
-I don't want anything.

-I just want to ask how you are doing.
-Fine, thank you.

-Do you need anything?
-No, I don't.

-I'm capable of anything. Thanks.
-Yes, you look healthy.

-Thanks.
-I wonder...

Do you have a hard time
with taking a bath?

-It's none of your business.
-I didn't want to offend you.

If you need, I can help you
with taking a bath.

I can bathe you.

Fuck off!
I'll put that cane in your ass!

It doesn't suit your age.

What the hell are you looking at?
Mind your own business.

-When will you bathe him?
-We'll think about it.

But sooner or later he will
have an abscess in his ass.

Forget it. Don't get upset.
Eat chips, drink coke.

Did you see the dirt on his neck?

His neck was full of dirt.

Okay, forget it, please.

Okay. You dared, tried, and you failed.

You can try again.
Fail again. Fail better.

-How can I help you?
-Sorry if I woke you up, son.

-My name is Niyazi.
-No problem. How can I help you?

How should I put it? I mean...

We talked with Mr. Ercüment yesterday.
He told me about the incident.

I apologize to both you
and Mr. Ercüment.

When I thought about it, I realized
what a mistake I made. I'm sorry.

No, we've talked about it
quite a while.

He got mad at you, but then we thought
it was a nice gesture.

You're welcome, but...

I thought it wasn't the time yet,
but I always think like this,

The people who live together
should help each other.

-This is my intention.
-Thank you.

May I come in?

Of course, go ahead.

It's very messy there.
Come here if you want.

Would you like something to drink?

No, thank you. Is this apartment yours,
or are you a tenant?

This is actually my aunt's apartment.
My aunt lives in Belgium.

She went to Belgium years ago,
and got married there.

She lives there.
This apartment is free.

Family members who need a place
would stay here.

I've been living here for a while.

Nice. So, son...

-I barged into the conversation, but...
-No problem, please.

We have some rules against nature,
even when it comes to helping.

You're right, Uncle Niyazi. It's so sad.

If your offer is still valid,
Mr. Ercüment and I

would like to receive
this service from you,

but we want to pay less than

we would pay a caretaker.

First, I need to tell you this,
Uncle Niyazi,

I have never bathed anyone
in my life before,

but of course, I will do my best.

Other than that,

I am ready to help you with this issue.

What's the price?
Mr. Ercüment is waiting on WhatsApp.

No, I don't want any money, Uncle Niyazi.

I just want to help people around us,

and to make their lives easier.

Thanks, son. Thank you.

That's all, Uncle Niyazi.

I'm ready, we can start
whenever you want.

-Thanks.
-This is so good.

The thing that suits us is helping.

The thing that suits Nusrettin District
is helping.

Thank you. When the world is
in such a troubled situation,

people need to be more supportive
of each other.

-Yes, you're right, Uncle Niyazi.
-Yes.

I hope we can end an incident

-that started unpleasantly.
-Yes, I hope so.

This is the best for all of us.

I don't believe you did
something like this. Are you stupid?

I did my part. I've gone and asked.

Don't act like the world is ending.

So how should we act? It's nonsense.

-I agree with Ayla.
-Of course, you agree with Ayla.

But you don't know
what happened after you left.

The bell rang, and I got up,
and opened the door.

There was an old person in front of me.
He was a friend of Mr. Ercüment.

Who is Ercüment?

The man who cursed at me
in the middle of the street.

-Is his name Ercüment?
-Yes, Ercüment.

He said, "I'm his friend."
And then he said...

"Ercüment and I've talked about it."

MR. YILMAZ BATH

So?

Hold on.

Tell us!

He said,
"Ercüment and I've talked about it.

Mr. Ercüment cursed you, but...

When we think about it,

we thought it was a very nice gesture."

-Give me a break!
-That is a lie.

I swear, here, take a look at it.

-We are talking on WhatsApp.
-What?

We've opened a group chat.

Are you really going to start bathing
the old people?

Yeah, it's started now.
I'm the bath guy now.

-This is a breakthrough. Well done!
-Thanks, bro.

But there is an aspect of this thing
that you have never thought of.

What is it?

-Let's say you bathed this man.
-Men, by the way.

-Are you going to bathe them both?
-Of course.

I need to bathe both of them.

-Let's say you bathed those men.
-Yes.

-And then?
-And then what?

-You've bathed those men.
-Yes.

What about the next bath?

-Okay.
-Are you going to bathe them once?

Will you bathe them
once and leave them?

If you are doing a favor,
you must do it forever.

He's right.

No, I'll handle it.

What do you mean by no?
Are you going to bathe them 3 times?

You are connected to each other now.

This thing will continue
until one of you dies.

Why are you making me nervous?
I am so nervous right now.

I don't want to make you
even more nervous, but...

You have to bath them well,
they are so old.

You're right.
I have to bathe them very well.

Will they sit or stand,
that is also important.

I think this is a determining factor.

-Right, Ayla?
-Right.

-I think it's not that important.
-What about scrubbing?

I didn't offer them a scrub,

and they didn't tell me
about it either.

If they want it,

I would scrub them, no problem.

By the way, don't bathe them
with boiling water.

What should I do?
Should I bathe them with cold water?

-Enough, tell me something good.
-You need to bathe them in warm water.

-Am I right, Ayla?
-You're right.

I'll tell you an Azerbaijani proverb,

as a man sows, so shall he reap.

-Okay. How are you doing, Ayla?
-Fine, thanks.

-Same old shit.
-Do you want to eat something, Ayla?

No, thank you.

Hello, good evening.

Hello, welcome.

Why did you bother?

Oh, this is your bath stuff.

I can take your coats if you want.

Let me close the door.
I can take your coats.

I can take your cane also.

Let me put that here.

-Yes...
-Thanks.

Let's do it like this.
You go to the back.

Let's sit in the back. Yes.

Let me hang these coats.

I threw away all the bath bricks
after my wife's death.

So you don't want to on the weekends?

It would be better for me
if it would be on weekdays, Uncle Niyazi.

Because I would have guests
on the weekends.

Because I usually rest on the weekends.

Okay then. Let's do it on the weekends.

-Saturday, or Sunday?
-Sunday would be perfect for me.

What about you, Niyazi?

-It works for me, too.
-Sunday, then.

So?

So what?

So how shall we do it?

Do you want to bathe first, Ercüment?

Let's go then, Uncle Ercüment.

Let me try. Extend your leg.

-How is it?
-So hot!

Let me warm it up.

I know, right?

Close your eyes.

Sorry. The soap was in the bucket.
Did it hurt?

-No, I'm fine.
-I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, Uncle Niyazi.

Uncle Niyazi?

You have a spare scrub.
Mr. Ercüment's scrub is so harsh.

He turned red.

Let me change it.

And I'll bathe you up in five minutes.
Start preparing.

I'm ready.

Thank you. So good.

-I've bought something for you too.
-Thanks.

We're so sorry to disturb you.

-It was like a massage.
-God bless you, son.

-Thanks.
-The other arm?

-What is going on?
-What's up?

-Fine, you?
-Same.

I will show you something, okay?

This one?

This one?

Or this one?

Tell me which one you didn't like.

Bro, why did you bother?
I can't wear thermal underwear.

These are not for you. I've bought them
for Niyazi, and Ercüment.

-Why did you buy three of them?
-I liked all of them.

I brought it here so you can choose.
You pick the worst one.

If you bought three,
you can wear one of them.

Oh, really?

Of course, I can. You are a genius.

I couldn't decide.
Tell me which one you didn't like.

This one.

I didn't like it either. You're right.

How is it going?

Same. I'm just sitting here.
Let's do something fun.

I'll go soon.

-I will be late this evening.
-Why?

I will meet with Ercüment and Niyazi.

We'll hang out.
We wanted to get some fresh air.

They have a playmate.
Maybe we can play cards in the evening.

Okay, let me come too.
I can play cards with you.

No, bro.

-Forget it.
-Why?

I'm just sitting here. Let me come too.

I mean, bro...

I don't like to intertwine
circles of friends.

You know me.

You begged to come to
Hande's birthday party the other day.

Weren't the circles of friends
intertwined then?

İlkkan, drop it.

Are you jealous of those old men?

-Look, Yılmaz...
-Don't talk nonsense.

Let me tell you something serious,

You are too caught up in it.

I mean it.

If it goes on like this,
you'll soon have to compromise.

I know you.
I'm telling you as an old friend,

you love your freedom.

But after a while
you will have to compromise.

I'm telling you, you would get upset.

-So I'm jealous, huh?
-Yes.

I wonder, my dear İlkkan...

Could you be jealous of them?

-This is also a possibility.
-Don't talk nonsense.

-Isn't it possible?
-Come on!

Maybe, huh?

Maybe the love
has accumulated in these people flows,

and meets at a dam, huh?

-Maybe...
-What kinds of metaphors are these?

These are those kinds of metaphors.

Take it, or leave it.
These are those kinds of metaphors.

-I said maybe. It's a possibility.
-Bug off.

-See you later, bro.
-To the circle of friends, huh?

"To the circle of friends."
Are you memorizing some idioms?

I'm studying existentialist philosophy.

No matter how much you study,
you cannot exist.

-Fuck off, don't talk nonsense.
-Come on!

-You are an idiot.
-Bug off.

Run to your circle of friends!

Turn on the air conditioner.
My feet got cold.

That does it, Niyazi.
He keeps calling me.

Why do you keep calling me?
I'm busy.

Yes?

Yes. Are you with Uncle Ercüment?

Okay, I'm...

I'm outside right now.

Why didn't I tell you?

Was I supposed to tell you?

I went outside.

What do you mean by "Who are you with?"

A friend's brother will join
the army. We came to send him off.

I'm with İlkkan. If you hear a voice,
it must be his voice.

I have one friend after all.

I always meet with him.

But this distrust is so wrong.

We are so distrustful of each other.

Right now... Uncle Niyazi, look,

I can't send you a photo right now.

I don't want to video call.

Anyway, all right.

Good night.

I'm hanging up the phone.
Bye. Oh, come on!

What the hell is this?

Are you happy to swim against
the current? We told you so.

They're like maniacs.
Can't I spend time with my friends?

Did they ask for your e-mail password
or something?

They wanted all of them,
but I didn't give them.

-They want them.
-Really?

They really want them.

We had a fight the other day.
Do you know why?

I didn't send a good night text.

"Why didn't you send a good night text
before you went to bed?"

Actually, they are right in a way.
You had known it was coming.

I mean...

I don't know how to put this.

There is no easy way to say this,
Niyaz and Ercüment.

I am in a really difficult situation
right now, but I have to do this. So...

I will be very frank with you.

I've started this thing with my heart,
with all my sincerity. You know that.

You've seen and appreciated
my goodwill.

Unfortunately,

I realized that I made a huge mistake,
even if it's late.

I've faced my fear of commitment.

I've realized this while I bathed you.

I mean, I never thought about
the end of it.

I offered you this
without thinking about the end.

It hurts me

to tell you this.

I have a saying like this,

the road to hell is paved
with good intentions.

Falling into this trap...

Do I make myself clear?

I'm telling you this with tears
in my eyes, this won't work.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to
bathe you again.

Unfortunately, we will not be able
to meet and take a bath every Sunday.

I'm not hiding behind the excuses.

I wanted you to hear this
from me, first.

We've seen so many things, son.

We've come here
so you could understand.

-What do you mean? I don't get it.
-You'll get it, son.

You will get it when the time comes.

Okay, bro. It's over.

You made a mistake, and
you corrected that mistake. That's all.

I don't know, bro.

Maybe they'll send a text message.

They don't have to be offended.
They will understand the situation.

Is it easy to bathe some men
on every Sunday?

We had to think about it
from the very beginning.

Didn't we tell you this won't work
at the beginning?

But you lectured us.

-They left 60 liras.
-What?

They've left 60 liras in an envelope
to the coatroom.

They wrote "For Mr. Yılmaz" on it.

They've also left a letter.

I cried a bit.

You are a good person, bro.

Thank you.

Life doesn't always meet our desires
and expectations.

I'm sorry.

What is written in the letter?

I didn't read it yet.

I didn't dare to open it.

Everybody needs a person with a
wonderful personality. Thanks, bro.

Shall I say something in return?

Come on, say it!
Then I will go to get some fresh air.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Holy shit!
I've heard it for the first time.

You've heard it. I have said it before.

I've never heard it before.
I've just heard it for the first time.

You have to be cruel to be kind.

-This is the Azerbaijani version.
-I've heard that a lot.

These are very similar expressions.

Some hands, give you a hand.

Some ends, give you an end.

Some tongues, give you a tongue.

Some perms, give you a perm.

Some sperms, give you sperm.

Yılmaz, son, don't worry.

Neither of us is upset or offended.

We knew from the very beginning that
this would happen.

But if we gave you advice,
you wouldn't understand us

you would even be angry with us.

But now, you have seen it in person.

Mind yourself,
and don't test your limits

by playing
with the feelings of others again.

There was an old rock and roll song
in the late 1950s.

And goes on like this.

And there was a transition...

Something like this.

Probably you'll say
"Why did it come to your mind?"

The lyrics are very interesting.

Let that be a lesson to you.

We used to dance to these songs.

They weren't like the modern songs.

It's a monotonous rhythm.
There are no lyrics.

It wasn't like that before.

There was a vision and a meaning.

We would be very cool when we had
a little grease on our hair.

We used to button up our underwear
out of respect.

I don't have the heart to say it,
but you wear blue jeans nowadays.

Take care, son.

And remember, If the truth is a dragon,

then the lie is a dörüklü.

In Anatolia, a small goat is
called a dörüklü.

Sincerely, Ercüment, and Niyazi.