Archie's Weird Mysteries (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 22 - It Lives in the Sewers - full transcript

Announcer:
IT LIVES IN THE SEWERS!

SOMETHING IS LURKING IN
RIVERDALE'S UNDERBELLY,
BUT WHAT?

ARCHIE'S GOT AN APPETITE
FOR MYSTERY,

BUT SOMETHING'S GOT
AN APPETITE FOR ARCHIE.

IT'S GOT GLOWING EYES,
IT'S GOT SHARP TEETH,

AND IT LIVES
IN THE SEWERS!

♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

♪ ARCHIE'S

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪

♪ ARCHIE'S



♪ MYSTERIES

♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪

♪ ARCHIE'S

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪

♪ ARCHIE'S

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪

♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

♪ ARCHIE'S

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪

♪ ARCHIE'S

♪ MYSTERIES



♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE

♪ VERONICA, BETTY

♪ JUGHEAD, TOO

♪ WEIRD

♪ ARCHIE'S WEIRD MYSTERIES

TOM?

AAH!

[RINGING]

HELLO?

[BABBLING]

HELLO?

SPEAK UP.

Betty:
GET OVER HERE NOW!

BETTY?

WHAT'S WRONG?

[EQUIPMENT CLICKING]

ARCHIE, WHERE DID YOU
GET ALL OF THIS STUFF?

IT'S DILTON'S.

HE LETS ME USE IT
FOR SPOOK WORK SOMETIMES.

IF MY PARENTS
SAW THIS MESS--

IT'LL ALL BE GONE
BEFORE THEY GET BACK
FROM VACATION.

SO WILL YOUR HAUNTING.

DO YOU KNOW HOW
TO WORK ALL THIS?

OF COURSE I DO.

AAH!

THIS IS SO TYPICAL.

SEE?
PIECE OF CAKE.

THESE DIGITAL CAMERAS
WILL RECORD
ANY PK MOVEMENT.

WHAT MOVEMENT?

PSYCHO KINETIC MOVEMENT.

LIKE THE PIZZA CHEF
IN BROOKLYN

WHO COULD TOSS PIZZAS
WITH HIS MIND.

THIS IS THE EEV--

ECTO ENERGY
VARIATION MONITOR.

EXPLANATION, PLEASE.

IF YOUR HAUNT
IS A DIMENSIONALLY
DISPLACED PERSON,

HIS ECTOPLASMIC ENERGY
WILL REGISTER HERE.

DIMENSIONALLY DISPLACED?

YOU MEAN A GHOST?

YES, BUT THAT'S
SUCH A HARSH TERM.

AND THIS IS...

A SEISMOMETER?

IT, UM, REGISTERS--

I KNOW
WHAT IT REGISTERS.

ARE YOU EXPECTING
AN EARTHQUAKE?

NO. I WAS LOADING
THE EQUIPMENT, AND
I GOT CARRIED AWAY.

HUH?

Archie:
NOW, THESE INTERDIMENSIONAL
SCANNERS ARE REALLY COOL.

WHAT DO THEY DO?

I HAVE NO IDEA,

BUT THEY REALLY LOOK
AWESOME, DON'T THEY?

AND THAT'S THE TOUR.

SO NOW WHAT DO WE DO?

WE WAIT.

EXTRASENSORY STAKEOUTS
LIKE THIS

CAN GO ON FOR HOURS.

[ALARM RINGING]

OR NOT.

[MORE ALARMS RINGING]

Archie: THAT'S WEIRD.

IS IT
AN EARTHQUAKE?

I DON'T THINK SO, BUT
SOMETHING IS CAUSING
THESE VIBRATIONS.

I'M GOING TO GUESS
IT'S MY DIMENSIONALLY
DISPLACED PERSON.

THAT'S STRANGE.

NONE OF THE EQUIPMENT
IS DETECTING
ANY PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.

THE SOUND, IT'S
COMING FROM EVERYWHERE!

YOUR EARS ARE
PLAYING TRICKS ON YOU.

ACCORDING
TO THIS AUDIOMETER,

THE SOUND'S COMING
FROM EVERYWHERE!

[CLICK]

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

THAT SOUND
HAS TO HAVE A SOURCE,

AND WE'RE
GOING TO FIND IT.

WHAT'S THIS DOOR?

THE BATHROOM.

YOU THINK
IT'S IN THERE?

MAYBE OUR VISITOR
HAS AN OTHERWORLDLY
SENSE OF HYGIENE.

I GUESS THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

READY...

SET...

GO!
GO!

Betty: NOTHING!

I'M NOT SO SURE
ABOUT THAT.

I NEED MY ARM
FOR THIS.

SORRY.

[GASPS]

ARCHIE ANDREWS,

I DON'T THINK
YOU HAVE A GHOST
OF A CHANCE

TO FIND MY GHOST.

[CLANK]
LISTEN.

[GROWLING]

THE SOUND IS COMING
THROUGH THE PIPES.

CHECK OUT THE SINK.

HUH?!
THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

I KNOW. THIS'LL
MAKE A GREAT ARTICLE.

NO. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE
THAT YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT THE PIPES.

THERE'S SOMETHING
DOWN THERE AND...

Both: IT LIVES
IN THE SEWERS!

Worker: THERE IT IS.

WE HAVE CONTAINMENT
BREACH LEVEL 3.

I'LL CALL FOR BACKUP.

NO! WE'LL GET
IN TROUBLE FOR LOSING IT
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I'LL JUST
GET THE WINCH TO
PULL THIS OUT OF HERE.

YOU START
SPRAYING THE AREA
WITH ANTITOXINS.

I STILL THINK
WE SHOULD CALL FOR BACKUP.

[FOOTSTEPS]

FRANK, IS THAT YOU?

STOP CLOWNING AROUND!

FRANK?!

WHO'S THERE?

I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU
THE SAME THING.

ARCHIE ANDREWS HERE,
REPORTER FOR RIVERDALE HIGH.

LOOK, KIDS,
I'M BUSY HERE.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

I'M AFRAID
THAT'S CLASSIFIED.

HEY, YOUNG LADY!

KIDS, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO CLEAR OUT,
HUH?

AND WHATEVER YOU DO,

DON'T GO DOWN
THAT MANHOLE.

OK, SIR. SORRY
TO BOTHER YOU.

BUT--
COME ON, BETTY!

ENOUGH MANHANDLING!

FIRST SPACE GEEK
OVER THERE, NOW YOU!

SORRY. I NEEDED
TO TALK TO YOU.

HE'S HIDING SOMETHING
IN THE SEWERS, AND I
WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.

BUT HE WON'T
LET US DOWN THERE.

THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN.

I HAVE A PLAN.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU
TO CLEAR OUT.

I KNOW, BUT I HAD TO
COME BACK TO TALK TO YOU.

HUH?

I CAN'T RESIST
A MAN IN A UNIFORM,

ESPECIALLY
A WEIRD UNIFORM.

SO, WHAT IS IT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?

WELL, YOUNG LADY,
OUR JOB IS IMPORTANT.

VERY IMPORTANT.

OH, COME ON.
WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT
ABOUT AN OLD SEWER PIPE?

WE HAVE
TO RETRIEVE AN LTWC.

LTWC?

LOST TOXIC WASTE
CONTAINER.

[GASPS] ARCHIE!

TOXIC WASTE.
ISN'T THAT DANGEROUS?

RELAX, MISS.
WE'VE SPRAYED THE SITE
WITH ANTITOXINS.

EVERYTHING'S
UNDER CONTROL.

[GROWLING]
HUH?

[GASPS]

AAH!
AAH!

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING DOWN HERE?

THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE
I TOOK A WRONG TURN?

YOU'RE OUT OF HERE
NOW!

[GROWLING]

HUH?

AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

HURRY, HURRY!

WHOA!

UHH!

[GROWLING]
[GASPS]

YII!

Betty: ARCHIE,
GET UP HERE NOW!

Worker: YOU CAN DO IT!

Second worker:
COME ON, KID!

Betty: ARCHIE,
HURRY UP!

[GRUNTS]

AAH!

NOW DO YOU WANT
TO CALL FOR BACKUP?

[GROWLING]

TAKE COVER!

WE'RE IN
BIG TROUBLE NOW!

WE?!

YOU SIGNED FOR THE VAN.

I THINK WENEED
TO CALL IN BACKUP.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

UHH!

UHH!

SOMETHING'S GOING ON
IN THE SEWERS!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ONE: NOISES AT
BETTY'S HOUSE COMING
UP FROM THE PIPES.

2: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
TEAM CLEANING UP TOXIC
WASTE IN THE SEWERS.

3: GIANT MONSTER
WITH 9-INCH TEETH!

HMM. SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S
SOMETHING GOING ON
IN THE SEWERS.

YOU'RE TELLING ME.
I--

HUH?
SAY, WHAT'S
WRONG WITH YOU?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
I'M STILL IN MOURNING.

MOURNING?

FOR PEANUT. JEEZ, ARCH,

SOMETIMES YOU CAN
BE SO INSENSITIVE.

OHHH!

WHO'S PEANUT?

MY PET ALLIGATOR.
AH, YES.

I REMEMBER IT WELL.

YOU SURE DO LIKE THOSE
LITTLE PEANUTS, DON'T YOU?

HEY, THAT'S THE NAME
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!

YOU'RE GOING TO BE
MY LITTLE PEANUT.

HEY, JUGHEAD.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
FOR DAYS AND--

[SHUTTER CLICKING]

IS THAT WHAT
I THINK IT IS?

IT'S MY NEW PET,
PEANUT!

ISN'T SHE THE CUTEST?

JUGHEAD, THIS IS
A VERY BAD IDEA.
HUH?

CUTE BABY ALLIGATORS

GROW UP TO BE
ADULT ALLIGATORS.

SO?

SO THEY'RE
WILD ANIMALS!

IT CAN'T LIVE
IN THAT SHOEBOX

WHEN IT'S
ALL GROWN UP.

BUT I LOVE
MY LITTLE PEANUT.

IF YOU
REALLY LOVED HIM,

YOU'D LET HIM
LIVE IN A PLACE
WHERE HE BELONGS.

I THINK I UNDERSTAND.

GOOD. I--

OBVIOUSLY, I'VE GOT
THIS COOL NEW PET,

AND YOU'RE JEALOUS!

THAT'S NOT IT!
HEY, DON'T LEAVE!

SORRY. TIME
FOR PEANUT'S BATH.

WHO'S THE CUTEST
LITTLE PEANUT?

DON'T WORRY. YOU'RE
NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

JUGHEAD, I'M SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS.

SO AM I.
PEANUT IS MY PET,

AND HE'S NOT
GOING ANYWHERE.

HI, JUGHEAD.
HELLO, ARCHIEKINS.

AHEM!

SORRY, RONNIE.

JUGHEAD AND I
WERE JUST HAVING
A DISCUSSION.

NOT AS FAR
AS I'M CONCERNED.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HIS PROBLEM IS,

AND FRANKLY,
I DON'T CARE,

BUT YOU AND I HAVE
A DATE, ARCHIEKINS.

WE DO?

I MEAN, WE DO!
LET'S GO!

LET ME JUST FRESHEN UP.
BE RIGHT BACK.

[SPLASH]
[GASPS]

AAH!

HUH?! VERONICA!

PEANUT!

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS] NOOOO!

[GASPS]

MY PENDANT!

MY PEANUT!

MY GOODNESS!

IT SEEMS LIKE JUST
YESTERDAY PEANUT
AND I WERE PLAYING.

IT WAS YESTERDAY.
SNAP OUT OF IT, JUGHEAD.

WE NEED YOUR HELP,

AND PEANUT MAY
NEED YOUR HELP, TOO.

IF PEANUT GOT FLUSHED
INTO THE SEWERS WITH
ALL THAT TOXIC WASTE

AND A BIG MONSTER,

THEN PEANUT IS
IN TERRIBLE DANGER!

HEY, EVERYBODY--

TV newscaster: THIS
IS THE SCENE AT MAIN
AND THIRD STREET.

A DELIVERY DRIVER
CLAIMS HE WAS ATTACKED
BY A MONSTER.

IT WAS AT LEAST
9 FEET TALL.

IT RIPPED THE BACK
OF MY TRUCK OPEN.

IT SMASHED ALL THE TVs
I HAD IN THERE,

AND THEN THE WEIRDEST
PART OF IT IS,

IT TOOK OFF WITH
A HUGE LOAD OF STYROFOAM
PACKING PEANUTS.

I MEAN, WHAT WOULD
A MONSTER LIKE THAT
WANT WITH PACKING PEANUTS?

PACKING PEANUTS...

PACKING PEANUTS...

PEANUTS...

PEANUTS...

[FLUSH]

[GASPS]

OH, NO! DON'T YOU
GET IT, ARCH?!

THAT'S NO MONSTER
IN THE SEWERS!

IT'S MY LITTLE PEANUT!

I'M TELLING YOU,
THAT MONSTER IS

MY LITTLE PEANUT
ALL GROWN UP!

BUT, JUGHEAD, PEANUT
WAS 6 INCHES LONG,

AND THAT WAS
JUST YESTERDAY!

Jughead: SURE,
BEFORE HE SLURPED DOWN
A TOXIC WASTE GATOR SHAKE.

HMM. BABY GATOR DISAPPEARS,

GIANT MONSTER APPEARS!

MAYBE HE'S RIGHT!

DON'T YOU START!
IT'S JUST
A CRAZY THEORY!

IT HASN'T
BEEN PROVEN.

THEN LET'S PROVE IT.

TAKE ME TO PEANUT,
ARCHIE.

NO WAY!
IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!

YOU DON'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND WHAT
WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HUH?

Archie: I MEAN,
LOOK AT THE PAVEMENT!

WOW! PEANUT
SURE HAS GROWN!

NOW DO YOU SEE WHY
WE'RE NOT GOING
BACK DOWN THERE?

[GROWLING]

LET'S JUST GO
BACK TO YOUR HOUSE
AND CALL THE POLICE.

NO! THEY'LL
HURT PEANUT!

HUH?!
HUH?!

JUGHEAD!
JUGHEAD!

GET BACK UP HERE!
JUGHEAD!

GO FOR HELP.
I'M GOING AFTER HIM.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU CAN'T GO BACK
DOWN THERE.

I'M JUST GOING
TO GRAB JUGHEAD
BEFORE HE GETS HURT.

NOW HURRY! WE CAN'T
WASTE ANY TIME!

[SQUEAKING]

OH!

OHH!

[GASPS]

[SIGHS]

JUGHEAD?

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M HERE!

Archie: WHERE'S HERE?

[GROWLING]

JUGHEAD!

ARCHIE!

WAAAH!
WAAAH!

[GROWLING]

HUH?

I THINK THIS PROVES
YOUR THEORY.

THIS MONSTER IS PEANUT.

AND HERE'S EXHIBIT "A."

[SNIFFS]

[SQUEAKING]

[GROWLING]

[GASPS]
HUH?

[GROWLING]

WHEN DID PEANUT
GET SUCH A NASTY TEMPER?

NOW CAN WE
GET OUT OF HERE?!

UH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE I'LL COME BACK
AFTER PEANUT'S HAD A NAP.

WHICH WAY?!

YOU'RE ASKING ME?

SORRY. MY MISTAKE.

OK, YOU GO RIGHT.
I'LL GO LEFT.

THAT WAY, AT LEAST ONE OF US
WILL MAKE IT OUT OF HERE ALIVE.

OR NOT.

SO WHAT ARE WE
WAITING FOR?

GOOD QUESTION.
LAST ONE TO THE MANHOLE
IS GATOR BAIT.

HUH?

ARCHIE! JUGHEAD!

I CALLED FOR HELP,
BUT THE LINE WAS BUSY.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?!

I DON'T CARE
WHAT ARCHIE SAID.

I'M GOING IN AFTER HIM.

HE'S IN SOME KIND
OF TROUBLE.

I CAN FEEL IT.

WHOO! I GOT AWAY.

NOW IF I COULD JUST
FIGURE OUT WHERE I AM...

[GROWLING]BEFORE HE DOES!

ARCHIE? IS THAT YOU?

[BETTY SCREAMS]

BETTY?! OH, NO!

GET AWAY FROM ME,
YOU BRUTE!

YEAH, LEAVE HER ALONE!

PICK ON SOMEONE
YOUR OWN SIZE!

[GULPS]
LIKE KING KONG,
FOR INSTANCE.

AAH! WHOA!

COME ON!

PLEASE, BETTY, YOU'VE
GOT TO STAY UP THERE
TILL HELP COMES,

OR THEY'LL NEVER KNOW
WE'RE DOWN HERE.

NOW, GO!
I'VE GOT TO FIND JUGHEAD!

WHOA! WAH!

Jughead: ARCHIE?

AAH!

Jughead: PEANUT, STOP!

I TOLD YOU, IF YOU
WERE GOING TO BE MY PET,

YOU CAN'T EAT MY FRIENDS!

GET OUT OF HERE
WHILE YOU CAN!

WHY, ARCH?
NO PROBLEM HERE.

BAD MUTATED ALLIGATOR.

MY LITTLE PEANUT.

MY NOT-SO-LITTLE PEANUT.

I HATE TO SPOIL
THE REUNION,

BUT BETTY'LL BE HERE
ANY MINUTE WITH THE POLICE.

THEY'LL HURT PEANUT.

I LET MY BABY DOWN BEFORE.
I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN!

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD,
THE SEWERS WILL BE MY HOME!

I'LL LEAD PEANUT
EVEN DEEPER INTO THE PIPES

TO PROTECT
MY LITTLE PET, AND--

JUGHEAD, YOU DON'T
BELONG IN THE SEWERS,

AND NEITHER DOES PEANUT.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU TAKE A WILD ANIMAL
FROM ITS NATURAL HABITAT.

ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER,
AND BEFORE LONG,

EVERYTHING
IS ALL MESSED UP.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE HE DOES BELONG
BACK IN THE WILD,

BUT HOW DO WE
GET HIM THERE?

I THINK I KNOW
WHO CAN HELP.

Archie, narrating:
THERE WAS SOMEONE
WHO WANTED TO HELP.

VERONICA MADE AMENDS
BY HAVING HER DAD PAY

TO RELOCATE PEANUT
TO A SPECIAL GAME
PRESERVE IN FLORIDA...

WHERE SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECO-SCIENTISTS WILL GIVE PEANUT

THE SPECIAL CARE
A MUTANT GATOR REQUIRES.

TOO OFTEN WE FORGET
THAT SOMETIMES NATURE
NEEDS TO TAKE ITS COURSE.

BUT JUGHEAD REALIZED
PEANUT'S WELL-BEING

WAS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN HIS NEED TO HAVE A PET.

AND BESIDES,
IT'S HARD TO GET BURGERS

WHEN YOU LIVE
IN THE SEWER...

EVEN IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.