Archie's Weird Mysteries (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 23 - Dream Girl - full transcript
Archie has a series of extremely pleasant dreams about a beautiful girl who adores him. It turns out that the girl is a supernatural being who actually lives in - and controls - peoples' dreams. She has a major crush on Archie and doesn't want to share him with anyone else. She even warns Betty and Veronica, in their dreams, to stay away from him. When Archie makes the mistake of refusing to go steady with her, his dreams turn into surreal nightmares. Archie must find a way to mollify his scorned "dream girl" or he'll never be able to get a good night's sleep again.
IS SHE JUST A FIGMENT
OF ARCHIE'S IMAGINATION
OR HIS WORST NIGHTMARE
COME TRUE?
CAN ARCHIE SURVIVE
ANOTHER DATE
WITH HIS DREAM GIRL?
♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE
♪ VERONICA, BETTY
♪ JUGHEAD, TOO
♪ WEIRD
♪ ARCHIE'S
WEIRD MYSTERIES ♪
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
GREETINGS, ALL.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
THE NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE
FOR AWARDING ME
THIS YEAR'S NOBEL PRIZE
FOR FASHION.
[SNIFFS]
TO THINK THAT
A GREAT CELEBRITY
LIKE VERONICA
SPENT HER FORMATIVE YEARS
IN OUR LITTLE HIGH SCHOOL.
[GASPS]
[SNIFFS]
I'M SO PROUD.
[SLOPPY HONK]
OH!
HUH?
AS YOU CAN SEE,
MY DESIGN IS ELEGANT,
BEAUTIFUL,
AND REVOLUTIONARY.
IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT MY DESIGN
STARTED A FASHION CRAZE
THAT IS SWEEPING
THE ENTIRE WORLD!
Sinister voice:
VERONICA LODGE,
YOUR DOOM IS NEAR!
WHO'S TRYING TO RUIN
MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPH?
ONE OF MY JEALOUS
FASHION DESIGN COMPETITORS?
AAH!
KEEP BACK!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
VERONICA LODGE,
YOUR DOOM IS NEAR!
[VOICE GROWLS]
AAH!
NO! NO! NO!
[GASPS]
ANOTHER NIGHTMARE!
I CAN'T TAKE THIS
ANYMORE.
[BELL RINGING]
JUGHEAD, WHERE WERE YOU
AT LUNCH?
I WAITED AT
OUR USUAL TABLE.
I WAS DOING RESEARCH
IN THE LIBRARY.
I'M DOING
MY ORAL PRESENTATION
ON THE HISTORY
OF THE HAMBURGER
NEXT WEEK.
BUT--BUT I EXPECTED YOU
TO BE THERE.
DON'T WE ALWAYS MEET
FOR LUNCH?
NOT ALWAYS.
SORRY, ARCH,
IF YOU WANTED
TO GET TOGETHER,
YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED.
WELL, IT JUST
DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT
TO INCONVENIENCE ME
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
KEEP A SCHEDULE.
YOU CAN'T
TAKE IT FOR GRANTED
THAT I'LL ALWAYS
DO THE SAME THINGS
EVERY DAY.
I GUESS.
OH, NO!
HEY, VERONICA,
LOOKING FORWARD
TO OUR DATE TONIGHT?
I HOPE YOU PICKED OUT
SOMETHING NICE TO WEAR.
[GULPS]
OUR DATE?
TONIGHT?!
UM, BUT THIS IS SUCH
SHORT NOTICE.
WE ALWAYS GO OUT
ON FRIDAYS.
WE CAN'T VERY WELL
GO OUT ON SATURDAY.
THAT'S MY NIGHT
WITH BETTY.
SAY...YOU LOOK AWFUL.
I HAVEN'T BEEN
SLEEPING WELL.
WELL, GET PLENTY OF REST
THIS AFTERNOON
BECAUSE THERE'S A HONG KONG
FUN FU MOVIE DOUBLE-FEATURE
AT THE BIJOU TONIGHT.
HYAH!
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT!
I CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
HUH?
IN FACT, I--I CAN'T
SEE YOU ANYMORE.
[CRYING]
GOOD-BYE FOREVER.
HUH?!
THAT WAS CERTAINLY
MELODRAMATIC.
WHY IS VERONICA
DOING THIS?
WE ALWAYS GO OUT
FRIDAY NIGHTS.
WHAT WILL I DO?
WATCH THOSE KARATE FILMS
ALONE?
HMM...IF VERONICA WON'T
GO OUT WITH ME ANYMORE,
I'LL JUST START
TAKING BETTY OUT
FRIDAYS
ANDSATURDAY NIGHTS.
BUT I TUTOR
ON FRIDAY NIGHTS.
I CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
BUT--BUT I ALREADY
BOUGHT TICKETS
FOR THE HONG KONG
KUNG FU DOUBLE-FEATURE.
SORRY, I CAN'T.
PLEASE TAKE
YOUR SEATS, CLASS.
STUDENTS, DILTON DOILEY
WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT
ABOUT HIS NEXT
SCIENCE PROJECT.
Dilton: THANK YOU,
MISS GRUNDY.
DREAMS. FOR AGES,
MANKIND HAS PONDERED
THE MYSTERY
OF WHAT DREAMS
REALLY ARE.
ARE THEY JUST FIGMENTS
OF OUR SLEEPING
IMAGINATIONS,
OR DO OUR DREAMS OCCUR
IN ANOTHER DIMENSION
JUST AS REAL AS OUR OWN?
DOES THAT MEAN
I OWE POP TATE
FOR ALL
THE HAMBURGERS
I ATE IN MY DREAMS?
I PLAN TO EXPLORE
THE MYSTERIES OF DREAMS
WITH MY NEW INVENTION--
THE DREAM-MONITORING
HELMET.
I NEED A VOLUNTEER
TO HELP ME.
OH, OH.
PICK ME. PICK ME!
GOOD. IT LOOKS LIKE
I HAVE MY VOLUNTEER.
HUH?THIS'LL BE GREAT, DIL.
MAYBE YOU CAN
HELP ME GET RID
OF THIS RECURRING
NIGHTMARE I HAVE
WHERE THIS FEROCIOUS
MONSTER NAMED ARNIE
CHASES ME.
UH...MAYBE.
JUST CHANGE IT SO THAT
JUGHEAD CHASES ME
INSTEAD OF ARNIE.
[GASPS] WHY ME?
MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE
A BETTER DAY.
BOY, IT'S JUST NOT FAIR
THE WAY VERONICA TREATED ME.
AND BETTY AND HER
STUPID TUTORING!
NOTHING GOES MY WAY.
[SNORING]
[WIND WHISTLING]
BOY, IT SURE IS QUIET
IN TOWN TODAY.
I DON'T WANT
TO GET MY SHOES WET.
WHOA!
WOW! I DIDN'T KNOW
I COULD DO THAT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I KNOW--I MUST BE DREAMING!
HMM. THIS IS GOING
TO BE FUN.
ARCHIE ANDREWS,
THANK HEAVENS
YOU'RE FINALLY HERE!
NOW CLASS CAN START.
SORRY I'M LATE.
I'VE GOT A NOTE.
"PLEASE EXCUSE
ARCHIE ANDREWS' LATENESS.
"WE WERE PLAYING GOLF.
SIGNED...
THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES!"
YUP. I WON!
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINLY
A GOOD REASON FOR BEING
HOURS LATE!
AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SHOT
AT PROVING EINSTEIN'S
UNIFIED FIELD THEORY?
SURE. WHY NOT?
SOUNDS FUN.
WE'RE HERE
FOR YOU, ARCHIE.
ARCHIE IS SO INCREDIBLE!
WHY, I'LL BE
SUPER-AMALGAMATED!
JUST WATCHING GIVES ME
SUCH DIZZYING INSIGHTS
INTO ARCHIE'S GENIUS MIND.
THAT'S MY PAL.
WE MERE MORTALS
CAN ONLY BASK
IN THE GLORIOUS MAGNIFICENCE
THAT IS ARCHIE ANDREWS!
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
INCREDIBLE!
YOU HAVE PROVEN
MATHEMATICALLY
THAT YOU ARE THE CENTER
OF THE UNIVERSE,
AND WE SHOULD ALWAYS DO
EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECT.
IT WAS A SIMPLE EQUATION
TO PROVE. [BLOWS]
THE ANSWER
SEEMED OBVIOUS TO ME.
I HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO GIVE YOU THIS.
A COLLEGE DIPLOMA.
NOW YOU WILL NEVER HAVE
TO GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN.
TRULY INCREDIBLE,
ARCHIE.
AND I'LL BE ABLE
TO TELL MY
GRANDCHILDREN
THAT I WITNESSED
THIS HISTORIC FEAT
OF SCIENCE.
SHUCKS, IT WAS EASY.
WAY TO GO, PAL!
ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO THANK YOU
FOR THE JOY
YOU'VE BROUGHT
INTO MY LIFE?
YOU CAN START BY NOT
MISSING LUNCH AGAIN.
I EXPECT YOU TO BE
WAITING AT OUR TABLE
EVERY DAY, FROM NOW ON.
I PROMISE, BUDDY.
TODAY, EVERY DAY,
AND FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST,
ARCHIE. MMMA!
DITTO, ARCHIEKINS.
YOU TWO STAY
BY YOUR PHONES TONIGHT.
I MIGHT WANT TO GO OUT
WITH ONE OF YOU.
WHAT A GREAT DREAM!
THIS IS THE WAY THINGS
SHOULD ALWAYS BE!
I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY.
I THINK I'LL WALK
TO POP TATE'S.
WAIT A MINUTE...
THIS IS A DREAM.
I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT!
I THINK I'LL FLY
TO POP TATE'S.
AHH!
LOOK AT ME!
I'M FLYING!
[HONKING]
I FLEW ALL THE WAY
FROM HIGH SCHOOL,
AND, BOY,
ARE MY ARMS TIRED!
[GASPS]
ARE YOU HERE
FOR A FREE SNACK,
ARCHIE?
I HAVE YOUR FAVORITES
READY, SEE?
SURE. I DESERVE
A FREE SNACK.
EVERYTHING'S FREE
FOR YOU, ARCHIE.
OF COURSE.
SO, HOW ARE YOU
ENJOYING YOUR DREAM
SO FAR, ARCHIE?
OH, THIS IS ONE
GREAT DREAM.
THANKS. I MADE IT
JUST FOR YOU.
MY NAME IS
MARIA NACHT.
I'M YOUR DREAM GIRL.
HMM. YOU'RE PRETTY CUTE.
IT FIGURES THAT
WITH MY IMAGINATION,
I'D DREAM UP A DREAM GIRL
AS GORGEOUS AS YOU.
YOU'RE MY NEW
BOYFRIEND, ARCHIE!
SURE. WHY NOT?
IT'S ONLY A DREAM.
AND YOU WON'T GO OUT
WITH ANY OTHER GIRLS?
[ALARM BEEPING]AA!
IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO WAKE UP.
HUH?
[GASPS]
HUH?
WHAT A GREAT DREAM.
TOO BAD IT WASN'T REAL.
ARCHIE ANDREWS IS
MY NEW BOYFRIEND!
ARCHIE'S NOT A BIT LIKE
MY OLD, BORING BOYFRIEND,
AND HE'S ALL MINE!
WHAT'S WRONG, ARCHIE?
YOU'RE NOT STILL UPSET
BECAUSE I WASN'T AVAILABLE
LAST NIGHT?
AWW, IT'S JUST THAT
VERONICA CANCELLED
OUR DATE FOR THE DANCE
NEXT FRIDAY,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE
TUTORING THAT NIGHT,
SO NOW I DON'T HAVE
A DATE FOR THE DANCE.
WELL, I DID MANAGE
TO RESCHEDULE MY TUTORING,
SO I'LL BE AVAILABLE
FOR THE DANCE NEXT FRIDAY.
YOU DID?!
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
YOU'RE A DREAM GIRL.
I DO MY BEST.
[YAWNS]
TOO MANY QUADRATIC EQUATIONS
FOR ONE NIGHT.
[SIGHS]
[WIND WHISTLING]
WHY AM I HERE?
I CAN'T SEEM
TO REMEMBER.
I KNOW WHY
YOU'RE HERE.
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M MARIA NACHT,
AND YOU'RE HERE
SO I CAN TELL YOU
TO KEEP AWAY
FROM ARCHIE!
HE'S MYBOYFRIEND NOW!
IF I DIDN'T BACK OFF
WHEN VERONICA SHOWED UP
ON THE SCENE,
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'LL GIVE UP ON ARCHIE
JUST BECAUSE YOU
TELL ME TO?!
BECAUSE I'LL
RUIN YOUR DREAMS
EVERY NIGHT
FOR THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE
IF YOU DON'T.
YOU'LL NEVER HAVE
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
AGAIN!
[WIND HOWLING]
WHOA!
[THUNDER]
BEHOLD THE NIGHTMARE!
KEEP AWAY!
AAH! AAH!
NO!
[SNORTING]
[WHINNIES]
OH...OH! UNH...
[PANTING] OK, I'LL
STAY AWAY FROM ARCHIE.
[GASPS]
[PANTING]
OOH...
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[YAWNS] HELLO?
BETTY? WHAT'S UP? HUH?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU CAN'T GO
TO THE FRIDAY NIGHT
DANCE WITH ME?!
WELL, THERE MUST BE
SOME REASON.
OK, THEN. GOOD-BYE.
I'M SORRY, ARCHIE.
WHY ARE ALL THESE ROTTEN
THINGS HAPPENING TO ME?
[YAWNS] MAYBE THIS IS ALL
JUST SOME BAD DREAM,
AND I'LL WAKE UP
AND EVERYTHING WILL
BE BACK TO--
[YAWNS] TO NORMAL.
[SNORING]
Archie: A LITTLE LOWER.
LOWER. AHH...
THAT'S THE SPOT.
THOSE OTHER ROTTEN GIRLS
DON'T ADORE YOU
THE WAY I DO, ARCHIE.
HUH?
BUT I LIKE
BETTY AND VERONICA.
A LITTLE HIGHER THERE.
AHH...
BUT YOU'RE
MY BOYFRIEND NOW,
AND I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE
IN YOUR DREAMS.
YOU DON'T NEED
THOSE OTHER GIRLS.
BUT YOU'RE NOT
A REAL GIRL.
ONLY A DREAM.
YOU KNOW,
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU
IN ONE OF YOUR DREAMS,
I KNEW
THAT YOU AND I WERE
MEANT FOR EACH OTHER,
SO I DUMPED
MY BOYFRIEND,
BEGAN SCARING OFF
BETTY AND VERONICA,
AND STARTED TO SEND YOU
THE NICEST DREAMS.
ALL I ASK IN RETURN IS
A LITTLE APPRECIATION.
IS THAT SO MUCH
TO ASK FOR?!
OH, NOW
I'M REALLY ANGRY!
HUH? WHAT'S GOING ON?
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, BUDDY,
HANG IN THERE.
WE'LL GET YOU
FIXED UP.
UHH...WAA...BUH...
[GASPS] ARCHIE!
HI, BETTY. CAN'T
TALK WITH YOU,
OR SHE'LL
PUNISH ME AGAIN.
HE HASN'T SLEPT
IN OVER 60 HOURS.
HE KEEPS TALKING
ABOUT SOME GIRL
NAMED MARIA NACHT.
MARIA NACHT?!
THAT'S THE SAME GIRL
WHO WAS IN MYDREAM.
VERONICA DREAMT
ABOUT HER, TOO.
I'M TAKING ARCHIE
TO DILTON FOR HELP.
MAYBE YOU AND VERONICA
SHOULD COME ALONG.
Betty: AND THAT'S OUR STORY,
HARD THOUGH IT MAY BE
TO BELIEVE.
CAN YOU HELP US?
THIS JUST CONFIRMS
WHAT MY RESEARCH
WITH BIG ETHEL HAS FOUND.
THE DREAM REALM EXISTS
IN ANOTHER DIMENSION,
AND OUR DREAM SELVES
GO THERE WHEN WE SLEEP.
BUT WHAT ABOUT
THIS MARIA NACHT PERSON
WHO KEPT SHOWING UP
IN BETTY AND MY DREAMS
UNTIL WE LEFT ARCHIE
ALONE?
[YAWNS] UH, YEAH.
WHO IS SHE?
MY MONITORING HAS
DETECTED INDEPENDENT
LIFE FORMS
IN A DREAM REALM.
AAH!
Dilton: THIS CREATURE,
ARNIE, IS ONE OF THEM.
[CREATURE HOWLING]
LEAVE ME ALONE,
YOU BIG MEANIE!
UNH! AAH!
THIS MARIA NACHT
IS PROBABLY ANOTHER ONE
OF THESE LIFE FORMS.
SADLY, I HAVE NOT FOUND
A WAY TO PREVENT THEM
FROM TRESPASSING
IN OUR DREAMS YET.
MAYBE IF YOU
HOOKED US ALL TOGETHER
IN THE SAME DREAM,
WE COULD
GANG UP ON MARIA
AND SCARE HER OFF.
I'VE GOT ENOUGH
SPARE DREAM HELMETS
IF YOU WANT TO TRY.
ANYTHING
TO HELP MY PAL!
I'VE GOT TO
MAKE IT UP TO ARCHIE
FOR ACTING SO COWARDLY
AND MEAN TOWARDS HIM.
YOU'LL DO THIS FOR ME
AFTER I TOOK YOU
FOR GRANTED SO MUCH?
YOU GUYS ARE [YAWNS]
GREAT FRIENDS.
Dilton: I'LL BE ABLE
TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU
WHILE YOU'RE
IN THE DREAM REALM
WITH THIS DEVICE.
GET READY.
WHEN I PUSH THIS BUTTON
YOU'LL ALL ENTER
A DEEP SLEEP STATE.
[SNORING]
EH...I MEAN, JOIN ARCHIE
IN A DEEP SLEEP STATE.
[BEEP]
IT DOESN'T SEEM
TO BE WORKING.
[SNORING]
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
ARE YOU IN
THE DREAM REALM?
[SQUAWKING]
YES. WE'RE ALL
IN THE SAME DREAM.
AND I DON'T FEEL TIRED
ANYMORE.
Dilton, over radio:
THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED.
YOUR DREAM SELF
DOESN'T NEED SLEEP.
NOW SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
THIS MARIA NACHT GIRL.
I--I THINK
SHE'S FOUND US.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THESE GIRLS, ARCHIE?!
I THOUGHT YOU
FINALLY UNDERSTOOD
THAT YOU'RE MINE NOW!
FORGET IT, MARIA!
WE'RE STANDING UP TO YOU!
YEAH. WE'RE NOT
GOING TO LET YOU
RUIN ARCHIE'S DREAMS
ANYMORE.
Jughead: YOU CAN'T
FRIGHTEN US.
[GASPS]
SURE, I CAN.
I'LL JUST SEND YOU
INTO A NIGHTMARE
OF YOUR WORST FEARS!
WHOA!
AAH!
AAH!
NO CREDIT CARDS!
OH, NO! SHE TURNED ME
INTO A POOR PERSON!
DADDY, HELP!
WELL, BETTY,
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
SHE DID ANYTHING TO YOU.
OH, MY GOD. IT'S
SO HARD TO THINK.
SHE MADE ME, LIKE,
TOTALLY--
OH, WHAT'S THE WORD?
OH, YEAH--STUPID.
THIS IS TOTALLY
GRODY TO THE MAX,
VERONICA.
MY PERFECT GRADE
RECORD WILL GET,
LIKE, SO DISMAL
IF I'M SO, LIKE,
TOTALLY INTO
DUMB-BLONDENESS.
RUN AWAY!
THEY'RE AFTER ME!
GIANT, HUNGRY
HAMBURGERS. AAH!
[GURGLING, GROWLING]
LIKE, AAH!
AAH!
DILTON, THIS ISN'T WORKING.
GET US OUT OF HERE!
I CAN'T
WAKE YOU GUYS UP.
SHE'S TAKEN CONTROL
OF YOUR BODIES.
YOU SEE, ARCHIE DEAR,
I DECIDED I'M NOT GOING
TO LET YOUR FRIENDS
WAKE UP
UNTIL YOU AGREE
TO STAY HERE WITH ME
FOREVER.
THAT'S ROTTEN!
LOOK, YOU CAN EITHER
STAY WITH ME
AND BE THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND
I ALWAYS WANTED,
OR YOUR FRIENDS
CAN STAY TRAPPED
IN THEIR WORST
NIGHTMARES FOREVER!
THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
YOU WIN.
JUST LET ME
SAY GOOD-BYE
TO MY FRIENDS
BEFORE THEY WAKE UP.
NO PROBLEMO,
BOYFRIEND OF MINE.
I'M FASHIONABLY RICH
AGAIN.
AND I'M MY USUAL
BRAINY SELF AGAIN.
AND I'M BACK TO
MY RIGHTFUL PLACE
IN THE FOOD CHAIN
AS A DEVOURER
OF HAMBURGERS.
I'M GOING
TO STAY HERE
WITH MARIA
SO SHE'LL
LET YOU WAKE UP.
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU.
SORRY I TOOK YOU ALL
FOR GRANTED.
SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES
AND WRAP THIS UP,
ARCHIE.
SAY, DILTON, IF BIG ETHEL
IS STILL ASLEEP OUT THERE,
HOW ABOUT HOOKING HER
INTO THIS DREAM
SO I CAN SAY GOOD-BYE
TO HER?
I'D LOVE TO
INTRODUCE HER FRIEND
TO MARIA.
HER FRIEND?
OK, ARCHIE,
I'M GOING
TO HOOK BIG ETHEL
INTO YOUR DREAM...
NOW!
[HOWLING]AAH!
HA! LET'S SEE YOU
HANDLE THIS FELLA, MARIA!
HE'S AN EVEN
BIGGER NIGHTMARE
THAN YOU!
MARIA.
ARNIE?
UH, YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
ARNIE WAS MY
OLD BOYFRIEND.
DOES ANYONE KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON
HERE?
NOT A CLUE.
WE'VE FOUND IT BEST
IN THESE SORT
OF SITUATIONS
TO KEEP
OUR MOUTHS SHUT
UNTIL AFTER
ALL THE MONSTERS
GO AWAY.
THEN ARCHIE
EXPLAINS IT ALL
TO US.
TAKE ME BACK, BABY.
DOIN' THE NIGHTMARE
THING JUST ISN'T
THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.
YOU'RE THE BEST!
OH, PLEASE!
THERE ARE
A LOT OF PEOPLE
DREAMIN' OF TAHITI
RIGHT NOW.
LET'S GO SCARE 'EM.
Archie:
SHEESH, MARIA,
YOU WANT ME
TO CHANGE INTO YOUR
PERFECT BOYFRIEND,
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE
YOUR PERFECT
BOYFRIEND
IS ARNIE HERE.
I LOVES YA, BABY!
I THINK YOU'RE
THE GREATEST!
YOU'RE THE ONE FOR ME!
GEE, I'VE NEVER BEEN
IN A TAHITI DREAM BEFORE.
WHAT THE HECK.
LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.
MMM![BOTH GIGGLING]
AHEM!
COULD MY FRIENDS AND I
WAKE UP NOW?
YEAH, SURE.
GO WAKE UP.
HEY, KID, THANKS
FOR GETTIN' US
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
IF YOU EVER HAVE
A REALLY NASTY NIGHTMARE,
JUST TELL 'EM TO LAY OFF--
YOU'RE A FRIEND OF ARNIE'S.
UH, THANKS.
I THINK YOU TWO
DESERVE EACH OTHER.
UHH...
AHH.
AH!
Archie, thinking: BOY,
I WAS REALLY TAKING BETTY,
VERONICA, AND JUGHEAD
FOR GRANTED
AND ACTING LIKE
I WAS THE CENTER
OF THE UNIVERSE.
WHY THEY PUT UP WITH ME,
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT WHEN I DID
THE SAME THING
TO MARIA NACHT,
IT LANDED ME
IN HOT WATER.
AND IT WAS THE SAME FRIENDS
I TOOK FOR GRANTED
THAT HELPED ME
GET OUT OF TROUBLE.
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL
GOOD FRIENDS.
[YAWNS]
WELL, I GUESS
IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO GET ANOTHER
GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP...
IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.
OF ARCHIE'S IMAGINATION
OR HIS WORST NIGHTMARE
COME TRUE?
CAN ARCHIE SURVIVE
ANOTHER DATE
WITH HIS DREAM GIRL?
♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE
♪ VERONICA, BETTY
♪ JUGHEAD, TOO
♪ WEIRD
♪ ARCHIE'S
WEIRD MYSTERIES ♪
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
GREETINGS, ALL.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
THE NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE
FOR AWARDING ME
THIS YEAR'S NOBEL PRIZE
FOR FASHION.
[SNIFFS]
TO THINK THAT
A GREAT CELEBRITY
LIKE VERONICA
SPENT HER FORMATIVE YEARS
IN OUR LITTLE HIGH SCHOOL.
[GASPS]
[SNIFFS]
I'M SO PROUD.
[SLOPPY HONK]
OH!
HUH?
AS YOU CAN SEE,
MY DESIGN IS ELEGANT,
BEAUTIFUL,
AND REVOLUTIONARY.
IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT MY DESIGN
STARTED A FASHION CRAZE
THAT IS SWEEPING
THE ENTIRE WORLD!
Sinister voice:
VERONICA LODGE,
YOUR DOOM IS NEAR!
WHO'S TRYING TO RUIN
MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPH?
ONE OF MY JEALOUS
FASHION DESIGN COMPETITORS?
AAH!
KEEP BACK!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
VERONICA LODGE,
YOUR DOOM IS NEAR!
[VOICE GROWLS]
AAH!
NO! NO! NO!
[GASPS]
ANOTHER NIGHTMARE!
I CAN'T TAKE THIS
ANYMORE.
[BELL RINGING]
JUGHEAD, WHERE WERE YOU
AT LUNCH?
I WAITED AT
OUR USUAL TABLE.
I WAS DOING RESEARCH
IN THE LIBRARY.
I'M DOING
MY ORAL PRESENTATION
ON THE HISTORY
OF THE HAMBURGER
NEXT WEEK.
BUT--BUT I EXPECTED YOU
TO BE THERE.
DON'T WE ALWAYS MEET
FOR LUNCH?
NOT ALWAYS.
SORRY, ARCH,
IF YOU WANTED
TO GET TOGETHER,
YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED.
WELL, IT JUST
DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT
TO INCONVENIENCE ME
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
KEEP A SCHEDULE.
YOU CAN'T
TAKE IT FOR GRANTED
THAT I'LL ALWAYS
DO THE SAME THINGS
EVERY DAY.
I GUESS.
OH, NO!
HEY, VERONICA,
LOOKING FORWARD
TO OUR DATE TONIGHT?
I HOPE YOU PICKED OUT
SOMETHING NICE TO WEAR.
[GULPS]
OUR DATE?
TONIGHT?!
UM, BUT THIS IS SUCH
SHORT NOTICE.
WE ALWAYS GO OUT
ON FRIDAYS.
WE CAN'T VERY WELL
GO OUT ON SATURDAY.
THAT'S MY NIGHT
WITH BETTY.
SAY...YOU LOOK AWFUL.
I HAVEN'T BEEN
SLEEPING WELL.
WELL, GET PLENTY OF REST
THIS AFTERNOON
BECAUSE THERE'S A HONG KONG
FUN FU MOVIE DOUBLE-FEATURE
AT THE BIJOU TONIGHT.
HYAH!
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT!
I CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
HUH?
IN FACT, I--I CAN'T
SEE YOU ANYMORE.
[CRYING]
GOOD-BYE FOREVER.
HUH?!
THAT WAS CERTAINLY
MELODRAMATIC.
WHY IS VERONICA
DOING THIS?
WE ALWAYS GO OUT
FRIDAY NIGHTS.
WHAT WILL I DO?
WATCH THOSE KARATE FILMS
ALONE?
HMM...IF VERONICA WON'T
GO OUT WITH ME ANYMORE,
I'LL JUST START
TAKING BETTY OUT
FRIDAYS
ANDSATURDAY NIGHTS.
BUT I TUTOR
ON FRIDAY NIGHTS.
I CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
BUT--BUT I ALREADY
BOUGHT TICKETS
FOR THE HONG KONG
KUNG FU DOUBLE-FEATURE.
SORRY, I CAN'T.
PLEASE TAKE
YOUR SEATS, CLASS.
STUDENTS, DILTON DOILEY
WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT
ABOUT HIS NEXT
SCIENCE PROJECT.
Dilton: THANK YOU,
MISS GRUNDY.
DREAMS. FOR AGES,
MANKIND HAS PONDERED
THE MYSTERY
OF WHAT DREAMS
REALLY ARE.
ARE THEY JUST FIGMENTS
OF OUR SLEEPING
IMAGINATIONS,
OR DO OUR DREAMS OCCUR
IN ANOTHER DIMENSION
JUST AS REAL AS OUR OWN?
DOES THAT MEAN
I OWE POP TATE
FOR ALL
THE HAMBURGERS
I ATE IN MY DREAMS?
I PLAN TO EXPLORE
THE MYSTERIES OF DREAMS
WITH MY NEW INVENTION--
THE DREAM-MONITORING
HELMET.
I NEED A VOLUNTEER
TO HELP ME.
OH, OH.
PICK ME. PICK ME!
GOOD. IT LOOKS LIKE
I HAVE MY VOLUNTEER.
HUH?THIS'LL BE GREAT, DIL.
MAYBE YOU CAN
HELP ME GET RID
OF THIS RECURRING
NIGHTMARE I HAVE
WHERE THIS FEROCIOUS
MONSTER NAMED ARNIE
CHASES ME.
UH...MAYBE.
JUST CHANGE IT SO THAT
JUGHEAD CHASES ME
INSTEAD OF ARNIE.
[GASPS] WHY ME?
MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE
A BETTER DAY.
BOY, IT'S JUST NOT FAIR
THE WAY VERONICA TREATED ME.
AND BETTY AND HER
STUPID TUTORING!
NOTHING GOES MY WAY.
[SNORING]
[WIND WHISTLING]
BOY, IT SURE IS QUIET
IN TOWN TODAY.
I DON'T WANT
TO GET MY SHOES WET.
WHOA!
WOW! I DIDN'T KNOW
I COULD DO THAT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I KNOW--I MUST BE DREAMING!
HMM. THIS IS GOING
TO BE FUN.
ARCHIE ANDREWS,
THANK HEAVENS
YOU'RE FINALLY HERE!
NOW CLASS CAN START.
SORRY I'M LATE.
I'VE GOT A NOTE.
"PLEASE EXCUSE
ARCHIE ANDREWS' LATENESS.
"WE WERE PLAYING GOLF.
SIGNED...
THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES!"
YUP. I WON!
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINLY
A GOOD REASON FOR BEING
HOURS LATE!
AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SHOT
AT PROVING EINSTEIN'S
UNIFIED FIELD THEORY?
SURE. WHY NOT?
SOUNDS FUN.
WE'RE HERE
FOR YOU, ARCHIE.
ARCHIE IS SO INCREDIBLE!
WHY, I'LL BE
SUPER-AMALGAMATED!
JUST WATCHING GIVES ME
SUCH DIZZYING INSIGHTS
INTO ARCHIE'S GENIUS MIND.
THAT'S MY PAL.
WE MERE MORTALS
CAN ONLY BASK
IN THE GLORIOUS MAGNIFICENCE
THAT IS ARCHIE ANDREWS!
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
INCREDIBLE!
YOU HAVE PROVEN
MATHEMATICALLY
THAT YOU ARE THE CENTER
OF THE UNIVERSE,
AND WE SHOULD ALWAYS DO
EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECT.
IT WAS A SIMPLE EQUATION
TO PROVE. [BLOWS]
THE ANSWER
SEEMED OBVIOUS TO ME.
I HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO GIVE YOU THIS.
A COLLEGE DIPLOMA.
NOW YOU WILL NEVER HAVE
TO GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN.
TRULY INCREDIBLE,
ARCHIE.
AND I'LL BE ABLE
TO TELL MY
GRANDCHILDREN
THAT I WITNESSED
THIS HISTORIC FEAT
OF SCIENCE.
SHUCKS, IT WAS EASY.
WAY TO GO, PAL!
ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO THANK YOU
FOR THE JOY
YOU'VE BROUGHT
INTO MY LIFE?
YOU CAN START BY NOT
MISSING LUNCH AGAIN.
I EXPECT YOU TO BE
WAITING AT OUR TABLE
EVERY DAY, FROM NOW ON.
I PROMISE, BUDDY.
TODAY, EVERY DAY,
AND FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST,
ARCHIE. MMMA!
DITTO, ARCHIEKINS.
YOU TWO STAY
BY YOUR PHONES TONIGHT.
I MIGHT WANT TO GO OUT
WITH ONE OF YOU.
WHAT A GREAT DREAM!
THIS IS THE WAY THINGS
SHOULD ALWAYS BE!
I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY.
I THINK I'LL WALK
TO POP TATE'S.
WAIT A MINUTE...
THIS IS A DREAM.
I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT!
I THINK I'LL FLY
TO POP TATE'S.
AHH!
LOOK AT ME!
I'M FLYING!
[HONKING]
I FLEW ALL THE WAY
FROM HIGH SCHOOL,
AND, BOY,
ARE MY ARMS TIRED!
[GASPS]
ARE YOU HERE
FOR A FREE SNACK,
ARCHIE?
I HAVE YOUR FAVORITES
READY, SEE?
SURE. I DESERVE
A FREE SNACK.
EVERYTHING'S FREE
FOR YOU, ARCHIE.
OF COURSE.
SO, HOW ARE YOU
ENJOYING YOUR DREAM
SO FAR, ARCHIE?
OH, THIS IS ONE
GREAT DREAM.
THANKS. I MADE IT
JUST FOR YOU.
MY NAME IS
MARIA NACHT.
I'M YOUR DREAM GIRL.
HMM. YOU'RE PRETTY CUTE.
IT FIGURES THAT
WITH MY IMAGINATION,
I'D DREAM UP A DREAM GIRL
AS GORGEOUS AS YOU.
YOU'RE MY NEW
BOYFRIEND, ARCHIE!
SURE. WHY NOT?
IT'S ONLY A DREAM.
AND YOU WON'T GO OUT
WITH ANY OTHER GIRLS?
[ALARM BEEPING]AA!
IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO WAKE UP.
HUH?
[GASPS]
HUH?
WHAT A GREAT DREAM.
TOO BAD IT WASN'T REAL.
ARCHIE ANDREWS IS
MY NEW BOYFRIEND!
ARCHIE'S NOT A BIT LIKE
MY OLD, BORING BOYFRIEND,
AND HE'S ALL MINE!
WHAT'S WRONG, ARCHIE?
YOU'RE NOT STILL UPSET
BECAUSE I WASN'T AVAILABLE
LAST NIGHT?
AWW, IT'S JUST THAT
VERONICA CANCELLED
OUR DATE FOR THE DANCE
NEXT FRIDAY,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE
TUTORING THAT NIGHT,
SO NOW I DON'T HAVE
A DATE FOR THE DANCE.
WELL, I DID MANAGE
TO RESCHEDULE MY TUTORING,
SO I'LL BE AVAILABLE
FOR THE DANCE NEXT FRIDAY.
YOU DID?!
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
YOU'RE A DREAM GIRL.
I DO MY BEST.
[YAWNS]
TOO MANY QUADRATIC EQUATIONS
FOR ONE NIGHT.
[SIGHS]
[WIND WHISTLING]
WHY AM I HERE?
I CAN'T SEEM
TO REMEMBER.
I KNOW WHY
YOU'RE HERE.
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M MARIA NACHT,
AND YOU'RE HERE
SO I CAN TELL YOU
TO KEEP AWAY
FROM ARCHIE!
HE'S MYBOYFRIEND NOW!
IF I DIDN'T BACK OFF
WHEN VERONICA SHOWED UP
ON THE SCENE,
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'LL GIVE UP ON ARCHIE
JUST BECAUSE YOU
TELL ME TO?!
BECAUSE I'LL
RUIN YOUR DREAMS
EVERY NIGHT
FOR THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE
IF YOU DON'T.
YOU'LL NEVER HAVE
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
AGAIN!
[WIND HOWLING]
WHOA!
[THUNDER]
BEHOLD THE NIGHTMARE!
KEEP AWAY!
AAH! AAH!
NO!
[SNORTING]
[WHINNIES]
OH...OH! UNH...
[PANTING] OK, I'LL
STAY AWAY FROM ARCHIE.
[GASPS]
[PANTING]
OOH...
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[YAWNS] HELLO?
BETTY? WHAT'S UP? HUH?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU CAN'T GO
TO THE FRIDAY NIGHT
DANCE WITH ME?!
WELL, THERE MUST BE
SOME REASON.
OK, THEN. GOOD-BYE.
I'M SORRY, ARCHIE.
WHY ARE ALL THESE ROTTEN
THINGS HAPPENING TO ME?
[YAWNS] MAYBE THIS IS ALL
JUST SOME BAD DREAM,
AND I'LL WAKE UP
AND EVERYTHING WILL
BE BACK TO--
[YAWNS] TO NORMAL.
[SNORING]
Archie: A LITTLE LOWER.
LOWER. AHH...
THAT'S THE SPOT.
THOSE OTHER ROTTEN GIRLS
DON'T ADORE YOU
THE WAY I DO, ARCHIE.
HUH?
BUT I LIKE
BETTY AND VERONICA.
A LITTLE HIGHER THERE.
AHH...
BUT YOU'RE
MY BOYFRIEND NOW,
AND I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE
IN YOUR DREAMS.
YOU DON'T NEED
THOSE OTHER GIRLS.
BUT YOU'RE NOT
A REAL GIRL.
ONLY A DREAM.
YOU KNOW,
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU
IN ONE OF YOUR DREAMS,
I KNEW
THAT YOU AND I WERE
MEANT FOR EACH OTHER,
SO I DUMPED
MY BOYFRIEND,
BEGAN SCARING OFF
BETTY AND VERONICA,
AND STARTED TO SEND YOU
THE NICEST DREAMS.
ALL I ASK IN RETURN IS
A LITTLE APPRECIATION.
IS THAT SO MUCH
TO ASK FOR?!
OH, NOW
I'M REALLY ANGRY!
HUH? WHAT'S GOING ON?
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, BUDDY,
HANG IN THERE.
WE'LL GET YOU
FIXED UP.
UHH...WAA...BUH...
[GASPS] ARCHIE!
HI, BETTY. CAN'T
TALK WITH YOU,
OR SHE'LL
PUNISH ME AGAIN.
HE HASN'T SLEPT
IN OVER 60 HOURS.
HE KEEPS TALKING
ABOUT SOME GIRL
NAMED MARIA NACHT.
MARIA NACHT?!
THAT'S THE SAME GIRL
WHO WAS IN MYDREAM.
VERONICA DREAMT
ABOUT HER, TOO.
I'M TAKING ARCHIE
TO DILTON FOR HELP.
MAYBE YOU AND VERONICA
SHOULD COME ALONG.
Betty: AND THAT'S OUR STORY,
HARD THOUGH IT MAY BE
TO BELIEVE.
CAN YOU HELP US?
THIS JUST CONFIRMS
WHAT MY RESEARCH
WITH BIG ETHEL HAS FOUND.
THE DREAM REALM EXISTS
IN ANOTHER DIMENSION,
AND OUR DREAM SELVES
GO THERE WHEN WE SLEEP.
BUT WHAT ABOUT
THIS MARIA NACHT PERSON
WHO KEPT SHOWING UP
IN BETTY AND MY DREAMS
UNTIL WE LEFT ARCHIE
ALONE?
[YAWNS] UH, YEAH.
WHO IS SHE?
MY MONITORING HAS
DETECTED INDEPENDENT
LIFE FORMS
IN A DREAM REALM.
AAH!
Dilton: THIS CREATURE,
ARNIE, IS ONE OF THEM.
[CREATURE HOWLING]
LEAVE ME ALONE,
YOU BIG MEANIE!
UNH! AAH!
THIS MARIA NACHT
IS PROBABLY ANOTHER ONE
OF THESE LIFE FORMS.
SADLY, I HAVE NOT FOUND
A WAY TO PREVENT THEM
FROM TRESPASSING
IN OUR DREAMS YET.
MAYBE IF YOU
HOOKED US ALL TOGETHER
IN THE SAME DREAM,
WE COULD
GANG UP ON MARIA
AND SCARE HER OFF.
I'VE GOT ENOUGH
SPARE DREAM HELMETS
IF YOU WANT TO TRY.
ANYTHING
TO HELP MY PAL!
I'VE GOT TO
MAKE IT UP TO ARCHIE
FOR ACTING SO COWARDLY
AND MEAN TOWARDS HIM.
YOU'LL DO THIS FOR ME
AFTER I TOOK YOU
FOR GRANTED SO MUCH?
YOU GUYS ARE [YAWNS]
GREAT FRIENDS.
Dilton: I'LL BE ABLE
TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU
WHILE YOU'RE
IN THE DREAM REALM
WITH THIS DEVICE.
GET READY.
WHEN I PUSH THIS BUTTON
YOU'LL ALL ENTER
A DEEP SLEEP STATE.
[SNORING]
EH...I MEAN, JOIN ARCHIE
IN A DEEP SLEEP STATE.
[BEEP]
IT DOESN'T SEEM
TO BE WORKING.
[SNORING]
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
ARE YOU IN
THE DREAM REALM?
[SQUAWKING]
YES. WE'RE ALL
IN THE SAME DREAM.
AND I DON'T FEEL TIRED
ANYMORE.
Dilton, over radio:
THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED.
YOUR DREAM SELF
DOESN'T NEED SLEEP.
NOW SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
THIS MARIA NACHT GIRL.
I--I THINK
SHE'S FOUND US.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THESE GIRLS, ARCHIE?!
I THOUGHT YOU
FINALLY UNDERSTOOD
THAT YOU'RE MINE NOW!
FORGET IT, MARIA!
WE'RE STANDING UP TO YOU!
YEAH. WE'RE NOT
GOING TO LET YOU
RUIN ARCHIE'S DREAMS
ANYMORE.
Jughead: YOU CAN'T
FRIGHTEN US.
[GASPS]
SURE, I CAN.
I'LL JUST SEND YOU
INTO A NIGHTMARE
OF YOUR WORST FEARS!
WHOA!
AAH!
AAH!
NO CREDIT CARDS!
OH, NO! SHE TURNED ME
INTO A POOR PERSON!
DADDY, HELP!
WELL, BETTY,
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
SHE DID ANYTHING TO YOU.
OH, MY GOD. IT'S
SO HARD TO THINK.
SHE MADE ME, LIKE,
TOTALLY--
OH, WHAT'S THE WORD?
OH, YEAH--STUPID.
THIS IS TOTALLY
GRODY TO THE MAX,
VERONICA.
MY PERFECT GRADE
RECORD WILL GET,
LIKE, SO DISMAL
IF I'M SO, LIKE,
TOTALLY INTO
DUMB-BLONDENESS.
RUN AWAY!
THEY'RE AFTER ME!
GIANT, HUNGRY
HAMBURGERS. AAH!
[GURGLING, GROWLING]
LIKE, AAH!
AAH!
DILTON, THIS ISN'T WORKING.
GET US OUT OF HERE!
I CAN'T
WAKE YOU GUYS UP.
SHE'S TAKEN CONTROL
OF YOUR BODIES.
YOU SEE, ARCHIE DEAR,
I DECIDED I'M NOT GOING
TO LET YOUR FRIENDS
WAKE UP
UNTIL YOU AGREE
TO STAY HERE WITH ME
FOREVER.
THAT'S ROTTEN!
LOOK, YOU CAN EITHER
STAY WITH ME
AND BE THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND
I ALWAYS WANTED,
OR YOUR FRIENDS
CAN STAY TRAPPED
IN THEIR WORST
NIGHTMARES FOREVER!
THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
YOU WIN.
JUST LET ME
SAY GOOD-BYE
TO MY FRIENDS
BEFORE THEY WAKE UP.
NO PROBLEMO,
BOYFRIEND OF MINE.
I'M FASHIONABLY RICH
AGAIN.
AND I'M MY USUAL
BRAINY SELF AGAIN.
AND I'M BACK TO
MY RIGHTFUL PLACE
IN THE FOOD CHAIN
AS A DEVOURER
OF HAMBURGERS.
I'M GOING
TO STAY HERE
WITH MARIA
SO SHE'LL
LET YOU WAKE UP.
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU.
SORRY I TOOK YOU ALL
FOR GRANTED.
SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES
AND WRAP THIS UP,
ARCHIE.
SAY, DILTON, IF BIG ETHEL
IS STILL ASLEEP OUT THERE,
HOW ABOUT HOOKING HER
INTO THIS DREAM
SO I CAN SAY GOOD-BYE
TO HER?
I'D LOVE TO
INTRODUCE HER FRIEND
TO MARIA.
HER FRIEND?
OK, ARCHIE,
I'M GOING
TO HOOK BIG ETHEL
INTO YOUR DREAM...
NOW!
[HOWLING]AAH!
HA! LET'S SEE YOU
HANDLE THIS FELLA, MARIA!
HE'S AN EVEN
BIGGER NIGHTMARE
THAN YOU!
MARIA.
ARNIE?
UH, YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
ARNIE WAS MY
OLD BOYFRIEND.
DOES ANYONE KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON
HERE?
NOT A CLUE.
WE'VE FOUND IT BEST
IN THESE SORT
OF SITUATIONS
TO KEEP
OUR MOUTHS SHUT
UNTIL AFTER
ALL THE MONSTERS
GO AWAY.
THEN ARCHIE
EXPLAINS IT ALL
TO US.
TAKE ME BACK, BABY.
DOIN' THE NIGHTMARE
THING JUST ISN'T
THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.
YOU'RE THE BEST!
OH, PLEASE!
THERE ARE
A LOT OF PEOPLE
DREAMIN' OF TAHITI
RIGHT NOW.
LET'S GO SCARE 'EM.
Archie:
SHEESH, MARIA,
YOU WANT ME
TO CHANGE INTO YOUR
PERFECT BOYFRIEND,
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE
YOUR PERFECT
BOYFRIEND
IS ARNIE HERE.
I LOVES YA, BABY!
I THINK YOU'RE
THE GREATEST!
YOU'RE THE ONE FOR ME!
GEE, I'VE NEVER BEEN
IN A TAHITI DREAM BEFORE.
WHAT THE HECK.
LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.
MMM![BOTH GIGGLING]
AHEM!
COULD MY FRIENDS AND I
WAKE UP NOW?
YEAH, SURE.
GO WAKE UP.
HEY, KID, THANKS
FOR GETTIN' US
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
IF YOU EVER HAVE
A REALLY NASTY NIGHTMARE,
JUST TELL 'EM TO LAY OFF--
YOU'RE A FRIEND OF ARNIE'S.
UH, THANKS.
I THINK YOU TWO
DESERVE EACH OTHER.
UHH...
AHH.
AH!
Archie, thinking: BOY,
I WAS REALLY TAKING BETTY,
VERONICA, AND JUGHEAD
FOR GRANTED
AND ACTING LIKE
I WAS THE CENTER
OF THE UNIVERSE.
WHY THEY PUT UP WITH ME,
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT WHEN I DID
THE SAME THING
TO MARIA NACHT,
IT LANDED ME
IN HOT WATER.
AND IT WAS THE SAME FRIENDS
I TOOK FOR GRANTED
THAT HELPED ME
GET OUT OF TROUBLE.
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL
GOOD FRIENDS.
[YAWNS]
WELL, I GUESS
IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO GET ANOTHER
GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP...
IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.