Archie's Weird Mysteries (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 21 - Reggie or Not - full transcript
Reggie is obnoxious, self centered and sometimes downright cruel - especially when he scoffs at Archie's weird mysteries.
Announcer: NO ONE IS SAFE
WHEN ALIENS LAND ON EARTH
LOOKING FOR HUMAN SPECIMENS
TO EXPERIMENT ON,
LEAVING IN THEIR PLACE
LOOK-ALIKE DROIDS.
SO BEWARE OF THAT OLD FRIEND
NEXT TO YOU.
IS IT REGGIE...OR NOT?
♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE
♪ VERONICA, BETTY
♪ JUGHEAD, TOO
♪ WEIRD
♪ ARCHIE'S WEIRD MYSTERIES
THIS EARTH SPECIMEN
YOU FOUND
IS WORTHLESS!
OOH! SORRY,
COMMANDER, SIR.
WE'VE TESTED AND
ANALYZED HIS BRAIN,
BUT HE DOES NOT
HAVE AN OUNCE
OF VITAL DATA
ABOUT THIS PLANET.
ALL HE EVER
THINKS ABOUT
IS OUTER SPACE!
THAT'S 'CAUSE IT'S
THE FINAL FRONTIER.
TAKE ME TO A GALAXY
FAR, FAR AWAY, OK?
SILENCE, YOU!
CLEAR HIS BRAIN
AND SEND HIM BACK.
AT ONCE,
YOUR LOUDNESS.
DON'T SEND ME BACK!
RIVERDALE IS BORING.
LET ME STAY
WITH YOU GUYS.
SPACE IS COOL!
NO! DON'T WIPE
MY MIND!
I WANT TO REMEMBER
ALL THIS.
WHAT IF THE FBI WANTS
TO OPEN A FILE ON ME?
AAH!
AAH!
OOF!
[WHINES]
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
Commander: NEXT
TIME, FIND ME
A REAL EARTHLING!
Alien: OOH!
YES, YOUR IRRITABLENESS.
SO ANYWAY, MY UNCLE
SAID WE CAN ALL GO
UP TO HIS CABIN
NEXT WEEKEND
AND GO WATER-SKIING.
WATER-SKIING
IS FOR WIMPS.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
HOW I SNOW SKIED
DOWN K2 ON
ONLY ONE SKI?
[YAWNS] NOT IN
THE LAST HOUR.
YEAH, REGGIE,
WHAT'S THE IDEA
OF CUTTING OFF
BETTY'S INVITATION
WITH THAT BIG,
FAT LIE?
JUST TRYING
TO SPICE UP
YOUR BORING
LITTLE LIVES.
HEY, LOOK,
EVERYONE!
MY NEW DRESS!
WHAT A DEAL
I GOT!
AN EVENING GOWN
WITH ORIGINAL
HALTON TAGS,
FOR ONLY $20!
IT'S TOO GOOD
TO BE TRUE!
HUH? WHAT'S
THIS?
HA HA HA! IT HAS
HALTON TAGS, ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER
FIT IN IT.
YOU MEAN
I WAS CHEATED?
WAKE UP AND SMELL
THE RIP-OFF.
IF SOMETHING SEEMS
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,
IT IS!
HA HA HA!
OK. SO VERONICA
FELL FOR A SCAM.
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO POINT OUT
EVERYONE'S MISTAKES?
BECAUSE I'M BETTER
THAN EVERYONE.
HEY, LOOK, SOMEBODY
LEFT SOME MONEY.
REGGIE MANTLE, THAT'S
THE WAITRESS' TIP,
AND I WILL NOT ALLOW
YOU TO TAKE IT.
OK, OK. SHEESH.
WHY IS EVERYONE SO
DOWN ON ME TODAY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE BOASTFUL
AND SELF-CENTERED.
LOUD AND INSENSITIVE.
PUSHY AND CHEAP.
PRETENTIOUS AND CRUDE.
MOI?
YES! YOU
ARE OBNOXIOUS.
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT'S OBNOXIOUS.
LISTENING TO ARCHIE'S
DUMB STORIES
ABOUT VAMPIRES AND
LITTLE GREEN MEN.
ONLY WEAK-MINDED GEEKS
BELIEVE THAT HOGWASH.
GUESS WHAT, ARCHIE?
LAST NIGHT, I WAS
ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!
I REST MY CASE.
CATCH YOU
LOSERS LATER!
REGGIE MANTLE
HAS LEFT
THE BUILDING.
HE SUFFERS FROM TERMINAL
JERKYOSSITUDE.
ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?
PUH! WHAT A BUNCH
OF LAME-OS.
HUH. IF I EVER SAW
AN ALIEN,
I'D KICK HIS GREEN
BACKSIDE UP AROUND
HIS POINTY EARS.
[WHIRRING]
HUH?
Commander:
FIRST OF ALL,
WE ARE NOT GREEN!
AND SECONDLY, WE DO
NOT HAVE BACKSIDES.
YAHH!
L-LOOK, YOU
DON'T WANT ME.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES
IN THIS SCIENCE-FICTION JUNK,
LIKE ARCHIE?
DO I LOOK LIKE
FICTION TO YOU?
NO, NO. I MEANT I, UH,
JUST WANT TO COOPERATE.
YEAH. GO AHEAD
AND ASK ME ANYTHING.
I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING.
MY NAME, RANK,
SERIAL NUMBER,
LOCKER COMBINATION,
WEATHER FORECAST,
THE SQUARE ROOT OF PI,
AND THE WHITE HOUSE
TELEPHONE NUMBER.
STRAP THE SPECIMEN
DOWN
AND WE WILL BEGIN
THE BRAIN VACUUM.
BRAIN VACUUM?!
I'M OUT OF HERE!
YAHH!
DID YOU SEE HOW
THIS EARTHLING
WAS WILLING
TO DESTROY HIMSELF
TO KEEP US FROM GETTING
HIS INFORMATION?
Alien: OH, YES.
HE MUST BE VERY
KNOWLEDGEABLE, INDEED.
IT'LL TAKE WEEKS
TO SUCK HIS BRAIN DRY.
WEEKS? LISTEN,
YOU JOKERS,
I'M A VERY IMPORTANT
PERSON ON EARTH.
I WILL BE MISSED
INSTANTLY.
REGGIE WAS REALLY
MEAN TO ME.
DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD INVITE HIM
TO MY BEACH PARTY?
REGGIE WHO?
YOU WAIT UNTIL MY
FRIENDS FIND ME MISSING.
THEY'LL CALL
THE ARMY, THE NAVY,
AND THE AIR FORCE.
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR SHIP
TO SMITHEREENS.
HMM. THIS CREATURE
IS RIGHT.
HIS ABSENCE COULD
AROUSE SUSPICION.
AND OUR MISSION ON EARTH
WOULD BE IN JEOPARDY.
THIS LEAVES US
ONLY ONE CHOICE.
RETURN ME TO EARTH?
EXACTLY.REALLY?
WELL, NOT YOU,
OF COURSE,
BUT SOMEONE WHO
LOOKS LIKE YOU.
NUMBER 2, MAKE
A DROID CLONE
OF THIS EARTHLING.
I SHALL BE IN
MY SLEEP CHAMBER.
I LIVE TO OBEY,
YOUR DROWSINESS.
WE'LL START WITH
THE BASIC FORM.
HMM. THE BX-29?
NO, IT'S SUMMER.
I THINK THE TR-4.
THAT WOULD NEVER
FOOL MY FRIENDS.
IT DOESN'T LOOK
ANYTHING LIKE ME.
THAT IS BECAUSE THE
OUTER LAYER HAS NOT
BEEN APPLIED YET.
HUH?
[MOANING]
NOW, FOR
THE LATEX SKIN.
HEY! WHAT'S
THE BIG IDEA?
THIS FEELS WEIRD!
KNOCK IT OFF!
YAHH!
AAH...
OOF!
HANDSOME DEVIL,
ISN'T HE?
NOW, I MUST
PROGRAM IN YOUR
PERSONALITY TRAITS.
ON A SCALE OF
ONE TO 10,
10 BEING THE BEST,
HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE YOUR
KINDNESS?
KINDNESS?
A 10, EASY.
SELFISHNESS?
ZERO.
ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
HELPFULNESS?
11.5.
[YAWNS]
SO, HOW IS OUR DROID
CLONE COMING ALONG?
PROJECT COMPLETE, SIR.
THE EARTH CAPTIVE
WAS EXTREMELY HELPFUL.
WE NOW HAVE
AN EXACT REPLICA.
NO ONE ON EARTH WILL BE
ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
[WHIRRING]
Commander: THERE'S
A GOOD SPOT TO LAND!
WE CAN HIDE OUR SHIP
IN THAT STRUCTURE
WHILE WE INTERROGATE
THE EARTH SPECIMEN.
GO NOW, MINGLE
WITH THE EARTHLINGS,
AND SHOW THEM THAT EVERYTHING
IS THE SAME AS BEFORE.
AN EXCELLENT PLAN,
SIR, AND MAY I ADD
WHAT A FINE JOB
NUMBER 2 DID
IN PARKING THE SHIP.
AW, SHUCKS,
IT WAS NOTHING.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
DON'T LOOK NOW,
BUT THE EGOMANIAC
IS BACK.
All: AWW.
WHAT A DELIGHT
TO SEE YOU.
[THINKING]
IDENTIFICATION
CONFIRMED.
BETTY COOPER.
SUGGESTED RESPONSE
TOPIC: MOVIES.
SO, BETTY, HAVE YOU
SEEN THE NEW
ZEFFIRELLI FILM?
I THINK HIS
CINEMATIC APPROACH
TO THE HUMAN
CONDITION
REFLECTS YOUR
POSITIVE OUTLOOK
ON LIFE.
I RECOMMEND IT.HUH?
[THINKING]
VERONICA LODGE.
SUGGESTED TOPIC:
CLOTHING.
[ALOUD] VERONICA,
WHAT AN AMAZINGLY
ATTRACTIVE DRESS!
IS IT NEW?
YES. I JUST
BOUGHT IT YESTERDAY.
YOU REALLY LIKE IT?
IT'S YOU.
[THINKING]
JUGHEAD JONES.
SUGGESTED TOPIC:
FOOT.
SORRY, MISPRINT.
FOOD.
[ALOUD] JUGHEAD,
MY COMPADRE.
WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?
YOUR PLATE
IS ALMOST EMPTY?
POP, 6 MORE
HAMBURGERS FOR
MY PAL JUGHEAD.
ON ME.All: HUH?
YOU MEAN IT?
THANKS, REGGIE.
AND ARCHIE, MY FRIEND.
I READ YOUR LATEST
WEIRD MYSTERY.
WHAT AN
INSPIRED PIECE!
A STERLING JOB
OF WORDSMITHING.
REALLY? THANKS.
I WORKED HARD
ON THAT ONE.
HOLD ON A SECOND.
WHAT'S WITH THIS
NICE GUY APPROACH,
REGGIE?
ARE YOU UP
TO SOMETHING?
NOT AT ALL.
I JUST REALIZED HOW MUCH
I LIKE ALL OF YOU,
AND HOW I DON'T SHOW
YOU THAT OFTEN ENOUGH.
ESPECIALLY YOU 2
LOVELY LADIES.
WOULD YOU HONOR ME
BY LETTING ME
ESCORT YOU
TO DINNER TONIGHT?
[KISSES]
WHAT A
GENTLEMAN!
WE'D LOVE
TO GO!
WHAT? YOU WANT
TO GO OUT
WITH THIS STUCK-UP,
SELFISH DOPE?
HE'S NOT BEING
STUCK-UP NOW.
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE HE KNOWS
HOW TO TREAT A LADY.
JUGHEAD, THERE'S
SOMETHING FISHY
GOING ON HERE.
THIS CAN'T BE
THE REAL REGGIE MANTLE.
IT MUST BE A CLONE.
A REPLICANT
OR SOMETHING.
WOW!
ARCHIE, YOU'VE BEEN
READING YOUR OWN
ARTICLES TO MUCH!
MAYBE REGGIE JUST TURNED
OVER A NEW LEAF.
LEAF? THIS GUY TURNED
OVER A WHOLE TREE!
[MUNCHING]
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHY HE CHANGED, BUT
I, FOR ONE, LIKE IT.
WELL, I'M GOING TO
PROVE THIS IS A PHONY.
REGGIE, QUICK. WHO WON
THE WORLD SERIES
IN 1947?
GOLLY, I DON'T
KNOW, ARCHIE,
BUT I'LL GO
TO THE LIBRARY
AND LOOK IT UP
FOR YOU IF YOU WANT.
AHA! GOTCHA!
YOU DON'T KNOW
THE ANSWER.
NEITHER DO I,
ARCH.
NOR ME.
UH-UH.
HUH?
YOU'VE STUMPED
US ALL, ARCHIE.
WHY DON'T YOU
TELL US THE ANSWER?
UH...
I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.
THIS IS
A WEIRD MYSTERY.
THAT THING IS TOO
GOOD TO BE TRUE.
DON'T BELIEVE HIM.
HE'S NOT
REGGIE MANTLE,
AND I'M GOING
TO PROVE IT.
AND AFTER WE GET
SOME ICE CREAM,
I'LL COME OVER AND MOW
YOUR LAWN FOR YOU.
I'VE GOT YOU NOW,
YOU FREAK!
[BOTH GASP]
[CLANG]
SEE, BETTY, SEE?
THIS ISN'T REGGIE.
IT'S A METALLIC
DROID.
REGGIE, WHAT
DOES THIS MEAN?
WELL, I GUESS
THE SURPRISE
IS RUINED NOW.
I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE
TO BAKE COOKIES,
SO I BOUGHT YOU
THIS NEW BAKING SHEET.
OH, YOU SWEETHEART!
MWA!
ARCHIE, YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
STOP ACTING SO PETTY
AND VINDICTIVE.
I'LL GET THE GOODS
ON HIM YET.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
I TREAT YOU EACH
TO A NEW CD PLAYER?
COOL!
I'LL SHORT OUT
YOUR CIRCUIT,
YOU ELECTRONIC
NIGHTMARE!
[THINKING] DANGER.
SUSPECT WITH WATER.
OOPS! SHOELACE UNTIED.
[SPUTTERING]
ARCHIE ANDREWS,
WHAT'S GOTTEN
INTO YOU?
WHY ARE YOU
SO BLIND?
CAN'T YOU SEE
THIS ISN'T
THE REAL REGGIE?
ARCHIE, WHY CAN'T
YOU JUST ACCEPT
THAT REGGIE HAS HAD
A CHANGE OF HEART?
'CAUSE HE HAS
NO HEART!
[TRUCK HORN]HUH? [GASPS]
WHOA!
OOF!
WHOA, REGGIE,
YOU SAVED MY LIFE!
I GUESS I WAS
WRONG ABOUT YOU.
I'M REALLY SORRY
I WAS--[GASPS]
NO, NO. THINK
NOTHING OF IT.
AND HAVE I MENTIONED
WHAT A HANDSOME
JACKET THAT IS?
HOLY COSMIC MUFFINS!
ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!
THIS REGGIE WAS
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
WE'VE GOT TO
TELL BETTY.
UH, COME WITH US,
REGGIE.
YOU'VE GOT A SMALL,
UH, SCRAPE.
NO, NO, DON'T TOUCH
IT. BETTY KNOWS
FIRST AID.
SHE'LL MAKE YOU
GOOD AS NEW.
LET'S HOPE SHE
HAS BAND-AIDS
AND AN OIL CAN.
Betty: UH, DON'T
WORRY, REGGIE.
YOUR CUTS AND BRUISES
WILL BE FINE IN NO TIME.
THANKS, BETTY.
I GUESS I GOT
A NASTY BUMP.
YOU KNOW, REGGIE,
I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN
IF WE ALL DID SOMETHING
INTERESTING THIS AFTERNOON.
COULD YOU HELP
US WITH THAT?
SURE, ARCHIE. JUST
ASK ME ANYTHING.
WELL, WE WERE ALL SAYING,
"WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
IF WE COULD VISIT,
OH, A FLYING SAUCER
THIS AFTERNOON?"
RIGHT?
All: YEAH!
A FLYING SAUCER.
WONDERFUL.
I CAN HELP YOU
WITH THAT.
THERE'S ONE PARKED
NOT FAR FROM HERE.
SWELL!
COME ON, GUYS.
IT'S RIGHT
IN HERE.
WAIT!
HEY, I KNOW,
REGGIE.
LET'S PRETEND WE'RE
ON A SECRET MISSION.
AND WE HAVE TO
BE REALLY QUIET
AND REALLY CAREFUL, OK?
OK! [WHISPERING]
I mean, OK.
Yipes, all get out.
A real spaceship!
How do we get
inside it?
AFTER YOU.
HUH?
I WANT MY MOMMY.
I WANT MY MOMMY!
Archie: PSST! REGGIE!
ARCHIE, IT'S YOU!
SAVE ME!
SHH! CLAM UP.
YOU WANT TO GET
US ALL CAPTURED?
UNH!
SOMEONE'S COMING!
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
THIS READOUT REVEALS
NO IMPORTANT DATA,
BUT I SENSE THIS EARTHLING
IS HIDING SOMETHING.
UP THE VOLTAGE!
AYE, AYE, SIR.
[BABBLING]
BUT I DON'T LIKE
BUTTERSCOTCH COOKIES,
GRANDMA.
THAT LOOKED
LIKE FUN.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
MY FRIENDS AND I
ARE PRETENDING WE'RE
ON A SECRET MISSION,
SO I'M NOT SUPPOSED
TO TELL YOU
THAT THEY'RE HIDING
OVER THERE.
RUN!
PERSIST AND DECEASE!
UH, WHATEVER.
[ALL GASP]
WELL, WELL...
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
INTRUDERS, HUH?
FRIENDS OF THIS
EARTHLING, NO DOUBT.
LOOK, SIR, WE DON'T
WANT ANY TROUBLE.
WE JUST WANT TO GET
OUR BUDDY OUT OF HERE.
OH, YOU HAVE GOT
TROUBLE, ALL RIGHT.
TOO MANY EARTHLINGS
KNOW ABOUT
OUR MISSION NOW.
THINGS ARE GETTING
TOO HOT.
[GULPS]
I MUST GET INSTRUCTIONS
FROM HOME BASE.
[MUMBLING]
GET REGGIE LOOSE
WHILE I DISTRACT
THE OTHER ONE.
GREAT LITTLE SHIP
YOU'VE GOT HERE.
HOW MUCH HORSEPOWER HAVE
YOU GOT UNDER THE HOOD?
WHAT'S A HORSE?
IT'S A BEAST OF BURDEN.
HERE, I'LL DRAW YOU
A PICTURE OF ONE.
VERY WELL, OH,
SUPREME ONE.
IT SHALL BE
DONE AT ONCE...
HUH?!
GET UP, YOU FOOL!
WHILE YOU'RE DOODLING,
OUR SPECIMEN
IS GETTING AWAY!
DON'T LET THEM
GET ME AGAIN!
HA HA HA HA.
RESISTANCE
IS USELESS.
YOU'LL BE
COMING WITH US
TO OUR PLANET
WHILE WE LEAVE
BEHIND THE DROID
AND YOUR FRIENDS.
WHAT GOOD WILL
THE DROID DO ON EARTH?
SIMPLE. HE HAS
A BOMB INSIDE HIM.
WHEN WE LEAVE HERE
IN A FEW MINUTES,
YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE
WORTHLESS TOWN
WILL BE BLOWN
OFF THE MAP!
[ALL GASP]
INCLUDING MY
TENNIS COURT?
YES!
NOW, YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
LEAVE THIS SHIP.
WAIT! HOW DO YOU
KNOW WHICH REGGIE
IS THE REAL REGGIE?
SIMPLE.
THE DROID IS NICE,
AND THIS ONE
IS AN OBNOXIOUS,
SELF-CENTERED,
PETTY LITTLE CREEP.
HEY, WATCH WHO
YOU'RE CALLING LITTLE.
OW!
YEAH, BUT WHAT
IF BOTH REGGIES
WERE NICE?
THEN THAT WOULD
MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT.
BUT I WOULD SIMPLY
USE A SCANNER
TO SEE WHICH ONE HAD
THE METAL SKELETON.
WELL, SURE.
ANYONE COULD DO THAT,
BUT IT WOULD TAKE
A REAL MAN--UH, ALIEN--
TO FIGURE OUT
WHICH WAS WHICH
WITHOUT MACHINES.
WHAT?! ARE YOU
QUESTIONING
MY ABILITIES?
VERY WELL. I WILL PICK
THE REAL REGGIE,
USING ONLY MY EYES
AND EARS.
ALL RIGHT.
SINCE THE DROID
IS THE NICER OF THE 2,
I SUGGEST A LITTLE
NICE CONTEST.
IS THIS REALLY WISE,
YOUR WISENESS?
WATCH ME OUTWIT
THESE SIMPLE-MINDED
EARTHLINGS.
ARCHIE, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO BE NICE.
WELL, YOU'D BETTER
LEARN FAST,
BECAUSE OUR LIVES
DEPEND ON IT.
UH, HI. ISN'T IT
A LOVELY DAY?
YES. I THINK IT'S
A LOVELY DAY, TOO.
STAND HERE,
WHERE I'M NOT
BLOCKING YOUR LIGHT.
NO, NO. I INSIST.
YOU TAKE THE GOOD SPOT.
THE FATE OF RIVERDALE
WILL BE DECIDED
ON WHETHER REGGIE CAN
OUT-NICE THAT DROID.
WE'RE DOOMED.
HAVE FAITH.
ADMIT IT.
I'M THE NICEST.
NO. I'M THE NICEST.
I'M NICEST.I'M NICEST.
I'M CONFUSED.
LOOK, I'M TOO MUCH
OF A GENTLEMAN
TO ARGUE WITH YOU.
SO I'VE ONLY GOT
ONE LAST THING TO SAY.
[WHISPERING]
ARGH! THERE,
TAKE THAT!
OOF!
OHH.
GEE, PAL, YOU OK?
I HOPE I DIDN'T
HURT YOUR FIST.
THAT'S THE DROID!
NOW, GET OFF MY SHIP!
All: NO, DON'T!
STOP, PLEASE!
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL STAY BEHIND
AND BLOW UP
THE TOWN NOW.
BYE-BYE.
[WHIRRING]
GREAT. THEY TOOK
THE REAL REGGIE,
AND WE'RE STUCK WITH
THIS WALKING TIME BOMB.
[WHIRRING]
HA HA HA.
THOSE FOOLS THOUGHT THEY
COULD OUTWIT ME. HA!
TIE THE EARTHLING
DOWN AGAIN,
AND LET'S PROBE
HIS MIND SOME MORE.
I LIKE TO HEAR
HIM SCREAM.
OH, DON'T BOTHER.
I CAN TIE
MYSELF DOWN.
YOU'RE MUCH
TOO BUSY FOR SUCH
SUCH MENIAL TASKS.
GEE, WHAT
A HELPFUL GUY.
YOU MEAN, YOU'RE
THE DROID?!
30 SECONDS
TO DETONATION.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO FIX SOME SNACKS
WHILE WE'RE WAITING?
RUN FOR THE ESCAPE POD!
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
HEY! RELAX!
THE REAL REGGIE
IS HERE AND LIFE
IS GOOD.
HOW DID YOU WIN
THE NICE CONTEST?
WHAT GIVES?
IS IT REALLY YOU?WHAT HAPPENED?
SIMPLE.
I JUST WHISPERED
TO THE DROID,
"IF YOU WERE REALLY
THE NICEST,
YOU'D LET ME WIN,"
AND HE DID.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS,
REGGIE.
YOU ACTUALLY PROVED
THAT YOU CAN BE A NICE GUY.
YEAH. IT WAS
THE TOUGHEST MINUTE
OF MY LIFE.
HAVE A NICE
TRIP HOME, BOYS.
[WHOOSH]
WHAT WILL I TELL
THE SUPREME ONE?
[BOTH GASP]
TELL HIM,
"HAVE A NICE DAY!"
[WHOOSH]
Archie: AND SO, AN ENTIRE TOWN
WAS SAVED BY THE TEMPORARY
NICENESS OF REGGIE MANTLE.
IT WAS NICE TO SEE THE CHANGE,
EVEN IF ONLY FOR A FEW MINUTES.
AND WE ALL LEARNED
THAT IF SOMETHING SEEMS
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,
IT PROBABLY IS...
IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.
WHEN ALIENS LAND ON EARTH
LOOKING FOR HUMAN SPECIMENS
TO EXPERIMENT ON,
LEAVING IN THEIR PLACE
LOOK-ALIKE DROIDS.
SO BEWARE OF THAT OLD FRIEND
NEXT TO YOU.
IS IT REGGIE...OR NOT?
♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE
♪ VERONICA, BETTY
♪ JUGHEAD, TOO
♪ WEIRD
♪ ARCHIE'S WEIRD MYSTERIES
THIS EARTH SPECIMEN
YOU FOUND
IS WORTHLESS!
OOH! SORRY,
COMMANDER, SIR.
WE'VE TESTED AND
ANALYZED HIS BRAIN,
BUT HE DOES NOT
HAVE AN OUNCE
OF VITAL DATA
ABOUT THIS PLANET.
ALL HE EVER
THINKS ABOUT
IS OUTER SPACE!
THAT'S 'CAUSE IT'S
THE FINAL FRONTIER.
TAKE ME TO A GALAXY
FAR, FAR AWAY, OK?
SILENCE, YOU!
CLEAR HIS BRAIN
AND SEND HIM BACK.
AT ONCE,
YOUR LOUDNESS.
DON'T SEND ME BACK!
RIVERDALE IS BORING.
LET ME STAY
WITH YOU GUYS.
SPACE IS COOL!
NO! DON'T WIPE
MY MIND!
I WANT TO REMEMBER
ALL THIS.
WHAT IF THE FBI WANTS
TO OPEN A FILE ON ME?
AAH!
AAH!
OOF!
[WHINES]
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
Commander: NEXT
TIME, FIND ME
A REAL EARTHLING!
Alien: OOH!
YES, YOUR IRRITABLENESS.
SO ANYWAY, MY UNCLE
SAID WE CAN ALL GO
UP TO HIS CABIN
NEXT WEEKEND
AND GO WATER-SKIING.
WATER-SKIING
IS FOR WIMPS.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
HOW I SNOW SKIED
DOWN K2 ON
ONLY ONE SKI?
[YAWNS] NOT IN
THE LAST HOUR.
YEAH, REGGIE,
WHAT'S THE IDEA
OF CUTTING OFF
BETTY'S INVITATION
WITH THAT BIG,
FAT LIE?
JUST TRYING
TO SPICE UP
YOUR BORING
LITTLE LIVES.
HEY, LOOK,
EVERYONE!
MY NEW DRESS!
WHAT A DEAL
I GOT!
AN EVENING GOWN
WITH ORIGINAL
HALTON TAGS,
FOR ONLY $20!
IT'S TOO GOOD
TO BE TRUE!
HUH? WHAT'S
THIS?
HA HA HA! IT HAS
HALTON TAGS, ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER
FIT IN IT.
YOU MEAN
I WAS CHEATED?
WAKE UP AND SMELL
THE RIP-OFF.
IF SOMETHING SEEMS
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,
IT IS!
HA HA HA!
OK. SO VERONICA
FELL FOR A SCAM.
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO POINT OUT
EVERYONE'S MISTAKES?
BECAUSE I'M BETTER
THAN EVERYONE.
HEY, LOOK, SOMEBODY
LEFT SOME MONEY.
REGGIE MANTLE, THAT'S
THE WAITRESS' TIP,
AND I WILL NOT ALLOW
YOU TO TAKE IT.
OK, OK. SHEESH.
WHY IS EVERYONE SO
DOWN ON ME TODAY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE BOASTFUL
AND SELF-CENTERED.
LOUD AND INSENSITIVE.
PUSHY AND CHEAP.
PRETENTIOUS AND CRUDE.
MOI?
YES! YOU
ARE OBNOXIOUS.
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT'S OBNOXIOUS.
LISTENING TO ARCHIE'S
DUMB STORIES
ABOUT VAMPIRES AND
LITTLE GREEN MEN.
ONLY WEAK-MINDED GEEKS
BELIEVE THAT HOGWASH.
GUESS WHAT, ARCHIE?
LAST NIGHT, I WAS
ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!
I REST MY CASE.
CATCH YOU
LOSERS LATER!
REGGIE MANTLE
HAS LEFT
THE BUILDING.
HE SUFFERS FROM TERMINAL
JERKYOSSITUDE.
ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?
PUH! WHAT A BUNCH
OF LAME-OS.
HUH. IF I EVER SAW
AN ALIEN,
I'D KICK HIS GREEN
BACKSIDE UP AROUND
HIS POINTY EARS.
[WHIRRING]
HUH?
Commander:
FIRST OF ALL,
WE ARE NOT GREEN!
AND SECONDLY, WE DO
NOT HAVE BACKSIDES.
YAHH!
L-LOOK, YOU
DON'T WANT ME.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES
IN THIS SCIENCE-FICTION JUNK,
LIKE ARCHIE?
DO I LOOK LIKE
FICTION TO YOU?
NO, NO. I MEANT I, UH,
JUST WANT TO COOPERATE.
YEAH. GO AHEAD
AND ASK ME ANYTHING.
I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING.
MY NAME, RANK,
SERIAL NUMBER,
LOCKER COMBINATION,
WEATHER FORECAST,
THE SQUARE ROOT OF PI,
AND THE WHITE HOUSE
TELEPHONE NUMBER.
STRAP THE SPECIMEN
DOWN
AND WE WILL BEGIN
THE BRAIN VACUUM.
BRAIN VACUUM?!
I'M OUT OF HERE!
YAHH!
DID YOU SEE HOW
THIS EARTHLING
WAS WILLING
TO DESTROY HIMSELF
TO KEEP US FROM GETTING
HIS INFORMATION?
Alien: OH, YES.
HE MUST BE VERY
KNOWLEDGEABLE, INDEED.
IT'LL TAKE WEEKS
TO SUCK HIS BRAIN DRY.
WEEKS? LISTEN,
YOU JOKERS,
I'M A VERY IMPORTANT
PERSON ON EARTH.
I WILL BE MISSED
INSTANTLY.
REGGIE WAS REALLY
MEAN TO ME.
DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD INVITE HIM
TO MY BEACH PARTY?
REGGIE WHO?
YOU WAIT UNTIL MY
FRIENDS FIND ME MISSING.
THEY'LL CALL
THE ARMY, THE NAVY,
AND THE AIR FORCE.
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR SHIP
TO SMITHEREENS.
HMM. THIS CREATURE
IS RIGHT.
HIS ABSENCE COULD
AROUSE SUSPICION.
AND OUR MISSION ON EARTH
WOULD BE IN JEOPARDY.
THIS LEAVES US
ONLY ONE CHOICE.
RETURN ME TO EARTH?
EXACTLY.REALLY?
WELL, NOT YOU,
OF COURSE,
BUT SOMEONE WHO
LOOKS LIKE YOU.
NUMBER 2, MAKE
A DROID CLONE
OF THIS EARTHLING.
I SHALL BE IN
MY SLEEP CHAMBER.
I LIVE TO OBEY,
YOUR DROWSINESS.
WE'LL START WITH
THE BASIC FORM.
HMM. THE BX-29?
NO, IT'S SUMMER.
I THINK THE TR-4.
THAT WOULD NEVER
FOOL MY FRIENDS.
IT DOESN'T LOOK
ANYTHING LIKE ME.
THAT IS BECAUSE THE
OUTER LAYER HAS NOT
BEEN APPLIED YET.
HUH?
[MOANING]
NOW, FOR
THE LATEX SKIN.
HEY! WHAT'S
THE BIG IDEA?
THIS FEELS WEIRD!
KNOCK IT OFF!
YAHH!
AAH...
OOF!
HANDSOME DEVIL,
ISN'T HE?
NOW, I MUST
PROGRAM IN YOUR
PERSONALITY TRAITS.
ON A SCALE OF
ONE TO 10,
10 BEING THE BEST,
HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE YOUR
KINDNESS?
KINDNESS?
A 10, EASY.
SELFISHNESS?
ZERO.
ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
HELPFULNESS?
11.5.
[YAWNS]
SO, HOW IS OUR DROID
CLONE COMING ALONG?
PROJECT COMPLETE, SIR.
THE EARTH CAPTIVE
WAS EXTREMELY HELPFUL.
WE NOW HAVE
AN EXACT REPLICA.
NO ONE ON EARTH WILL BE
ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
[WHIRRING]
Commander: THERE'S
A GOOD SPOT TO LAND!
WE CAN HIDE OUR SHIP
IN THAT STRUCTURE
WHILE WE INTERROGATE
THE EARTH SPECIMEN.
GO NOW, MINGLE
WITH THE EARTHLINGS,
AND SHOW THEM THAT EVERYTHING
IS THE SAME AS BEFORE.
AN EXCELLENT PLAN,
SIR, AND MAY I ADD
WHAT A FINE JOB
NUMBER 2 DID
IN PARKING THE SHIP.
AW, SHUCKS,
IT WAS NOTHING.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
DON'T LOOK NOW,
BUT THE EGOMANIAC
IS BACK.
All: AWW.
WHAT A DELIGHT
TO SEE YOU.
[THINKING]
IDENTIFICATION
CONFIRMED.
BETTY COOPER.
SUGGESTED RESPONSE
TOPIC: MOVIES.
SO, BETTY, HAVE YOU
SEEN THE NEW
ZEFFIRELLI FILM?
I THINK HIS
CINEMATIC APPROACH
TO THE HUMAN
CONDITION
REFLECTS YOUR
POSITIVE OUTLOOK
ON LIFE.
I RECOMMEND IT.HUH?
[THINKING]
VERONICA LODGE.
SUGGESTED TOPIC:
CLOTHING.
[ALOUD] VERONICA,
WHAT AN AMAZINGLY
ATTRACTIVE DRESS!
IS IT NEW?
YES. I JUST
BOUGHT IT YESTERDAY.
YOU REALLY LIKE IT?
IT'S YOU.
[THINKING]
JUGHEAD JONES.
SUGGESTED TOPIC:
FOOT.
SORRY, MISPRINT.
FOOD.
[ALOUD] JUGHEAD,
MY COMPADRE.
WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?
YOUR PLATE
IS ALMOST EMPTY?
POP, 6 MORE
HAMBURGERS FOR
MY PAL JUGHEAD.
ON ME.All: HUH?
YOU MEAN IT?
THANKS, REGGIE.
AND ARCHIE, MY FRIEND.
I READ YOUR LATEST
WEIRD MYSTERY.
WHAT AN
INSPIRED PIECE!
A STERLING JOB
OF WORDSMITHING.
REALLY? THANKS.
I WORKED HARD
ON THAT ONE.
HOLD ON A SECOND.
WHAT'S WITH THIS
NICE GUY APPROACH,
REGGIE?
ARE YOU UP
TO SOMETHING?
NOT AT ALL.
I JUST REALIZED HOW MUCH
I LIKE ALL OF YOU,
AND HOW I DON'T SHOW
YOU THAT OFTEN ENOUGH.
ESPECIALLY YOU 2
LOVELY LADIES.
WOULD YOU HONOR ME
BY LETTING ME
ESCORT YOU
TO DINNER TONIGHT?
[KISSES]
WHAT A
GENTLEMAN!
WE'D LOVE
TO GO!
WHAT? YOU WANT
TO GO OUT
WITH THIS STUCK-UP,
SELFISH DOPE?
HE'S NOT BEING
STUCK-UP NOW.
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE HE KNOWS
HOW TO TREAT A LADY.
JUGHEAD, THERE'S
SOMETHING FISHY
GOING ON HERE.
THIS CAN'T BE
THE REAL REGGIE MANTLE.
IT MUST BE A CLONE.
A REPLICANT
OR SOMETHING.
WOW!
ARCHIE, YOU'VE BEEN
READING YOUR OWN
ARTICLES TO MUCH!
MAYBE REGGIE JUST TURNED
OVER A NEW LEAF.
LEAF? THIS GUY TURNED
OVER A WHOLE TREE!
[MUNCHING]
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHY HE CHANGED, BUT
I, FOR ONE, LIKE IT.
WELL, I'M GOING TO
PROVE THIS IS A PHONY.
REGGIE, QUICK. WHO WON
THE WORLD SERIES
IN 1947?
GOLLY, I DON'T
KNOW, ARCHIE,
BUT I'LL GO
TO THE LIBRARY
AND LOOK IT UP
FOR YOU IF YOU WANT.
AHA! GOTCHA!
YOU DON'T KNOW
THE ANSWER.
NEITHER DO I,
ARCH.
NOR ME.
UH-UH.
HUH?
YOU'VE STUMPED
US ALL, ARCHIE.
WHY DON'T YOU
TELL US THE ANSWER?
UH...
I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.
THIS IS
A WEIRD MYSTERY.
THAT THING IS TOO
GOOD TO BE TRUE.
DON'T BELIEVE HIM.
HE'S NOT
REGGIE MANTLE,
AND I'M GOING
TO PROVE IT.
AND AFTER WE GET
SOME ICE CREAM,
I'LL COME OVER AND MOW
YOUR LAWN FOR YOU.
I'VE GOT YOU NOW,
YOU FREAK!
[BOTH GASP]
[CLANG]
SEE, BETTY, SEE?
THIS ISN'T REGGIE.
IT'S A METALLIC
DROID.
REGGIE, WHAT
DOES THIS MEAN?
WELL, I GUESS
THE SURPRISE
IS RUINED NOW.
I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE
TO BAKE COOKIES,
SO I BOUGHT YOU
THIS NEW BAKING SHEET.
OH, YOU SWEETHEART!
MWA!
ARCHIE, YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
STOP ACTING SO PETTY
AND VINDICTIVE.
I'LL GET THE GOODS
ON HIM YET.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
I TREAT YOU EACH
TO A NEW CD PLAYER?
COOL!
I'LL SHORT OUT
YOUR CIRCUIT,
YOU ELECTRONIC
NIGHTMARE!
[THINKING] DANGER.
SUSPECT WITH WATER.
OOPS! SHOELACE UNTIED.
[SPUTTERING]
ARCHIE ANDREWS,
WHAT'S GOTTEN
INTO YOU?
WHY ARE YOU
SO BLIND?
CAN'T YOU SEE
THIS ISN'T
THE REAL REGGIE?
ARCHIE, WHY CAN'T
YOU JUST ACCEPT
THAT REGGIE HAS HAD
A CHANGE OF HEART?
'CAUSE HE HAS
NO HEART!
[TRUCK HORN]HUH? [GASPS]
WHOA!
OOF!
WHOA, REGGIE,
YOU SAVED MY LIFE!
I GUESS I WAS
WRONG ABOUT YOU.
I'M REALLY SORRY
I WAS--[GASPS]
NO, NO. THINK
NOTHING OF IT.
AND HAVE I MENTIONED
WHAT A HANDSOME
JACKET THAT IS?
HOLY COSMIC MUFFINS!
ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!
THIS REGGIE WAS
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
WE'VE GOT TO
TELL BETTY.
UH, COME WITH US,
REGGIE.
YOU'VE GOT A SMALL,
UH, SCRAPE.
NO, NO, DON'T TOUCH
IT. BETTY KNOWS
FIRST AID.
SHE'LL MAKE YOU
GOOD AS NEW.
LET'S HOPE SHE
HAS BAND-AIDS
AND AN OIL CAN.
Betty: UH, DON'T
WORRY, REGGIE.
YOUR CUTS AND BRUISES
WILL BE FINE IN NO TIME.
THANKS, BETTY.
I GUESS I GOT
A NASTY BUMP.
YOU KNOW, REGGIE,
I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN
IF WE ALL DID SOMETHING
INTERESTING THIS AFTERNOON.
COULD YOU HELP
US WITH THAT?
SURE, ARCHIE. JUST
ASK ME ANYTHING.
WELL, WE WERE ALL SAYING,
"WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
IF WE COULD VISIT,
OH, A FLYING SAUCER
THIS AFTERNOON?"
RIGHT?
All: YEAH!
A FLYING SAUCER.
WONDERFUL.
I CAN HELP YOU
WITH THAT.
THERE'S ONE PARKED
NOT FAR FROM HERE.
SWELL!
COME ON, GUYS.
IT'S RIGHT
IN HERE.
WAIT!
HEY, I KNOW,
REGGIE.
LET'S PRETEND WE'RE
ON A SECRET MISSION.
AND WE HAVE TO
BE REALLY QUIET
AND REALLY CAREFUL, OK?
OK! [WHISPERING]
I mean, OK.
Yipes, all get out.
A real spaceship!
How do we get
inside it?
AFTER YOU.
HUH?
I WANT MY MOMMY.
I WANT MY MOMMY!
Archie: PSST! REGGIE!
ARCHIE, IT'S YOU!
SAVE ME!
SHH! CLAM UP.
YOU WANT TO GET
US ALL CAPTURED?
UNH!
SOMEONE'S COMING!
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
THIS READOUT REVEALS
NO IMPORTANT DATA,
BUT I SENSE THIS EARTHLING
IS HIDING SOMETHING.
UP THE VOLTAGE!
AYE, AYE, SIR.
[BABBLING]
BUT I DON'T LIKE
BUTTERSCOTCH COOKIES,
GRANDMA.
THAT LOOKED
LIKE FUN.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
MY FRIENDS AND I
ARE PRETENDING WE'RE
ON A SECRET MISSION,
SO I'M NOT SUPPOSED
TO TELL YOU
THAT THEY'RE HIDING
OVER THERE.
RUN!
PERSIST AND DECEASE!
UH, WHATEVER.
[ALL GASP]
WELL, WELL...
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
INTRUDERS, HUH?
FRIENDS OF THIS
EARTHLING, NO DOUBT.
LOOK, SIR, WE DON'T
WANT ANY TROUBLE.
WE JUST WANT TO GET
OUR BUDDY OUT OF HERE.
OH, YOU HAVE GOT
TROUBLE, ALL RIGHT.
TOO MANY EARTHLINGS
KNOW ABOUT
OUR MISSION NOW.
THINGS ARE GETTING
TOO HOT.
[GULPS]
I MUST GET INSTRUCTIONS
FROM HOME BASE.
[MUMBLING]
GET REGGIE LOOSE
WHILE I DISTRACT
THE OTHER ONE.
GREAT LITTLE SHIP
YOU'VE GOT HERE.
HOW MUCH HORSEPOWER HAVE
YOU GOT UNDER THE HOOD?
WHAT'S A HORSE?
IT'S A BEAST OF BURDEN.
HERE, I'LL DRAW YOU
A PICTURE OF ONE.
VERY WELL, OH,
SUPREME ONE.
IT SHALL BE
DONE AT ONCE...
HUH?!
GET UP, YOU FOOL!
WHILE YOU'RE DOODLING,
OUR SPECIMEN
IS GETTING AWAY!
DON'T LET THEM
GET ME AGAIN!
HA HA HA HA.
RESISTANCE
IS USELESS.
YOU'LL BE
COMING WITH US
TO OUR PLANET
WHILE WE LEAVE
BEHIND THE DROID
AND YOUR FRIENDS.
WHAT GOOD WILL
THE DROID DO ON EARTH?
SIMPLE. HE HAS
A BOMB INSIDE HIM.
WHEN WE LEAVE HERE
IN A FEW MINUTES,
YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE
WORTHLESS TOWN
WILL BE BLOWN
OFF THE MAP!
[ALL GASP]
INCLUDING MY
TENNIS COURT?
YES!
NOW, YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
LEAVE THIS SHIP.
WAIT! HOW DO YOU
KNOW WHICH REGGIE
IS THE REAL REGGIE?
SIMPLE.
THE DROID IS NICE,
AND THIS ONE
IS AN OBNOXIOUS,
SELF-CENTERED,
PETTY LITTLE CREEP.
HEY, WATCH WHO
YOU'RE CALLING LITTLE.
OW!
YEAH, BUT WHAT
IF BOTH REGGIES
WERE NICE?
THEN THAT WOULD
MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT.
BUT I WOULD SIMPLY
USE A SCANNER
TO SEE WHICH ONE HAD
THE METAL SKELETON.
WELL, SURE.
ANYONE COULD DO THAT,
BUT IT WOULD TAKE
A REAL MAN--UH, ALIEN--
TO FIGURE OUT
WHICH WAS WHICH
WITHOUT MACHINES.
WHAT?! ARE YOU
QUESTIONING
MY ABILITIES?
VERY WELL. I WILL PICK
THE REAL REGGIE,
USING ONLY MY EYES
AND EARS.
ALL RIGHT.
SINCE THE DROID
IS THE NICER OF THE 2,
I SUGGEST A LITTLE
NICE CONTEST.
IS THIS REALLY WISE,
YOUR WISENESS?
WATCH ME OUTWIT
THESE SIMPLE-MINDED
EARTHLINGS.
ARCHIE, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO BE NICE.
WELL, YOU'D BETTER
LEARN FAST,
BECAUSE OUR LIVES
DEPEND ON IT.
UH, HI. ISN'T IT
A LOVELY DAY?
YES. I THINK IT'S
A LOVELY DAY, TOO.
STAND HERE,
WHERE I'M NOT
BLOCKING YOUR LIGHT.
NO, NO. I INSIST.
YOU TAKE THE GOOD SPOT.
THE FATE OF RIVERDALE
WILL BE DECIDED
ON WHETHER REGGIE CAN
OUT-NICE THAT DROID.
WE'RE DOOMED.
HAVE FAITH.
ADMIT IT.
I'M THE NICEST.
NO. I'M THE NICEST.
I'M NICEST.I'M NICEST.
I'M CONFUSED.
LOOK, I'M TOO MUCH
OF A GENTLEMAN
TO ARGUE WITH YOU.
SO I'VE ONLY GOT
ONE LAST THING TO SAY.
[WHISPERING]
ARGH! THERE,
TAKE THAT!
OOF!
OHH.
GEE, PAL, YOU OK?
I HOPE I DIDN'T
HURT YOUR FIST.
THAT'S THE DROID!
NOW, GET OFF MY SHIP!
All: NO, DON'T!
STOP, PLEASE!
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL STAY BEHIND
AND BLOW UP
THE TOWN NOW.
BYE-BYE.
[WHIRRING]
GREAT. THEY TOOK
THE REAL REGGIE,
AND WE'RE STUCK WITH
THIS WALKING TIME BOMB.
[WHIRRING]
HA HA HA.
THOSE FOOLS THOUGHT THEY
COULD OUTWIT ME. HA!
TIE THE EARTHLING
DOWN AGAIN,
AND LET'S PROBE
HIS MIND SOME MORE.
I LIKE TO HEAR
HIM SCREAM.
OH, DON'T BOTHER.
I CAN TIE
MYSELF DOWN.
YOU'RE MUCH
TOO BUSY FOR SUCH
SUCH MENIAL TASKS.
GEE, WHAT
A HELPFUL GUY.
YOU MEAN, YOU'RE
THE DROID?!
30 SECONDS
TO DETONATION.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO FIX SOME SNACKS
WHILE WE'RE WAITING?
RUN FOR THE ESCAPE POD!
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
HEY! RELAX!
THE REAL REGGIE
IS HERE AND LIFE
IS GOOD.
HOW DID YOU WIN
THE NICE CONTEST?
WHAT GIVES?
IS IT REALLY YOU?WHAT HAPPENED?
SIMPLE.
I JUST WHISPERED
TO THE DROID,
"IF YOU WERE REALLY
THE NICEST,
YOU'D LET ME WIN,"
AND HE DID.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS,
REGGIE.
YOU ACTUALLY PROVED
THAT YOU CAN BE A NICE GUY.
YEAH. IT WAS
THE TOUGHEST MINUTE
OF MY LIFE.
HAVE A NICE
TRIP HOME, BOYS.
[WHOOSH]
WHAT WILL I TELL
THE SUPREME ONE?
[BOTH GASP]
TELL HIM,
"HAVE A NICE DAY!"
[WHOOSH]
Archie: AND SO, AN ENTIRE TOWN
WAS SAVED BY THE TEMPORARY
NICENESS OF REGGIE MANTLE.
IT WAS NICE TO SEE THE CHANGE,
EVEN IF ONLY FOR A FEW MINUTES.
AND WE ALL LEARNED
THAT IF SOMETHING SEEMS
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,
IT PROBABLY IS...
IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.