Archie's Weird Mysteries (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 2 - Driven to Distraction - full transcript

Announcer: DRIVEN TO
DISTRACTION

IT'S A HORROR
SHOW ON WHEELS.

ARCHIE'S CAR HAS A MIND
OF HER OWN,

AND SHE'S NOT GOING
TO STOP

UNTIL SHE HAS ARCHIE
ALL TO HERSELF.

DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE
BY DIC ENTERTAINMENT AND
THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪



♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪

♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪

♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪

♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD

♪ MYSTERIES

♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪

♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD



♪ MYSTERIES

♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE

♪ VERONICA, BETTY

♪ JUGHEAD, TOO

♪ WEIRD

♪ ARCHIE'S
WEIRD MYSTERIES ♪

[BETTY
BREATHES DEEPLY]

A LITTLE JOG
AROUND THE PARK IS
JUST WHAT WE NEED

TO CLEAR THE COBWEBS
OUT OF OUR HEAD

AFTER ALL
THAT HOMEWORK.

BESIDES, I'LL LOOK
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS

IN MY NEW
EXERCISE OUTFIT.

Archie:
SHE IS GORGEOUS!

HUH?
HUH?

I LOVE HER.

Jughead: UH, YOU'VE BEEN
OUT IN THE SUN TOO LONG.

BUT SHE'S THE BEST.

ARCHIE MUST BE
TALKING ABOUT
ONE OF US.

I HAVE TO DISAGREE,
BETTY DEARIE.

ARCHIE SAID,
"SHE'S THE BEST."

HE'S OBVIOUSLY
TALKING ABOUT ME.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO FIND OUT

FOR CERTAIN,
VERONICA DEARIE.

Both: WHAT?!

SHE'S THE MOST
WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL
CAR IN THE WORLD.

A CAR IS A CAR, ARCH.
IT'S JUST A THING.

JUGHEAD, YOU HAVE
NO APPRECIATION

OF THE FINER THINGS
IN LIFE.

BETSY IS A UNIQUE
CLASSIC ORIGINAL.

PAL, THE ONLY THING
UNIQUE ABOUT THIS JUNKER

IS THAT YOU GAVE IT
A NAME.

NO! CRUMBS,
JUGHEAD, CRUMBS!

I JUST VACUUMED
BETSY'S BACKSEAT.

SHEESH! SORRY!

NO EATING IN BETSY.
YOU KNOW THE RULES.

THE WORLD HAS GONE
TOPSY-TURVY

WHEN A CAR'S BACKSEAT
IS MORE IMPORTANT

THAN A FRIEND'S ENJOYMENT

OF A SUCCULENT
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE.

HOW CAN ARCHIE
GO SO OVERBOARD

ABOUT THAT OLD CAR?

I KNOW HOW
TO GET HIS MIND
OFF HIS CAR.

ARCHIE, I DON'T
HAVE A DATE FOR
THE SPRING DANCE.

DO YOU WANT TO GO?

SURE. THAT
SOUNDS FUN, BETTY.

THAT LITTLE MINX!
I WAS GONNA GET ARCHIE

TO TAKE ME
TO THE SPRING DANCE!

MMM! WE'RE GONNA
HAVE SO MUCH FUN!

OOPS! LOOKS LIKE
I MISSED A SPOT.

STAND ASIDE, BETTY.

I'LL SHOW YOU
HOW IT'S DONE.

ARCHIEKINS HONEY,

I'VE DECIDED TO LET YOU

TAKE ME TO THE MOVIES
ON FRIDAY.

OK. FRIDAY NIGHT,
MOVIES.

WE COULD GO
TO THE DRIVE-IN.

YOU DON'T SEEM
VERY EXCITED,
ARCHIEKINS.

I THINK BETSY NEEDS
ANOTHER COAT OF WAX.

[GIRLS GASP]

FACE IT, GIRLS,

YOU HAVE A NEW RIVAL
FOR ARCHIE'S AFFECTIONS.

GOES BY THE NAME OF BETSY.

I MUST BE LOSING
MY TOUCH.

ARCHIE BARELY NOTICED
I WAS THERE.

YEAH, IT WAS
LIKE TALKING TO
A BRICK WALL.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH
WHEN ARCHIE DATES YOU,

BUT THIS IS
TOO HUMILIATING.

OHH!
OHH!

GREETINGS,
LUCKY LADIES.

HERE I AM
TO BRING JOY

TO YOUR SMALL,
HUMDRUM LIVES.

Both: OHH!

WHY ALL
THE LONG FACES?

ARCHIE'S TAKING ME
TO THE MOVIES FRIDAY,

BUT HE'S NOT MAKING
HIS USUAL BIG FUSS
ABOUT IT.

THEN FORGET ARCHIE.
I'LL TAKE YOU.

I'LL FUSS LIKE
THERE'S NO TOMORROW.

THAT'S NICE,
BUT I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT ABOUT YOU,
BETTY?

HOWS ABOUT
A NIGHT ON THE TOWN

WITH MANTLE
THE MAGNIFICENT?

NO, THANKS.
I'M TOO WORRIED
ABOUT ARCHIE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

DON'T YOU TWO REALIZE
I HAVE A MAGNETIC
PERSONALITY?

IT'S NOT YOU,
REGGIE.

IT'S JUST THAT
ARCHIE SEEMS TO CARE
MORE ABOUT HIS CAR

THAN THE PEOPLE
IN HIS LIFE.

ARCHIE'S LUCKY ENOUGH
TO HAVE 2 BEAUTIFUL
FEMALES MOPING OVER HIM,

AND ALL HE WANTS TO DO
IS WORK ON HIS CAR?

WHY, THAT'S UNNATURAL.
THAT'S WASTEFUL!

I AM MORALLY OFFENDED.

ARCHIE NEEDS
TO BE SET STRAIGHT,

AND I'M JUST THE GUY
TO DO IT.

THERE. YOU'RE ALL
HOOKED UP, BETSY.

ARCHIE, I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.

SURE, REGGIE.

ARCH, FOR SOME
CRAZY REASON,

BETTY AND VERONICA
THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL,

BUT YOU'RE HERE
WITH YOUR CAR,

AND THEY'RE ALL ALONE
AT THE MALT SHOPPE.

YOUR POINT?

DO I HAVE TO
PAINT YOU A PICTURE?

YOU'RE NEGLECTING
THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
FOR THIS--THIS THING!

Betsy, electronic voice:
PLEASE STEP AWAY
FROM THE CAR.

YIKES! WHAT WAS THAT?

MY NEW ALARM SYSTEM.
I JUST INSTALLED IT.

COOL, HUH?

WHAT KIND OF THIEF
WOULD WANT TO STEAL

A WRECK ON WHEELS
LIKE THIS?

YOU'RE JUST
JEALOUS OF BETSY.

WE DON'T
HAVE TO STAY HERE
AND TAKE YOUR ABUSE.

[ALARM SYSTEM BEEPS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

WHY WOULD
I BE JEALOUS

OF THAT
RATTLETRAP CAR?

I OWN A NEW
SPORTS CAR!

IT DRIVES
LIKE A DREAM!

THE NERVE OF REGGIE.

HE JUST DOESN'T
APPRECIATE TRUE QUALITY.

WOW! I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR ONE OF THOSE FOR MONTHS.

"DR. BEAUMONT'S EMPORIUM
OF CURIOS, NOVELTIES,

ANTIQUITIES,
AND HARD LESSONS."

I'VE NEVER SEEN
THIS PLACE BEFORE.
MUST BE NEW.

IT'S PERFECT FOR BETSY.

[BELLS JANGLE]

HELLO.

[CLOCK TICKING]

"DO NOT TOUCH
THE CURSED JEWELRY."

HUH?

[SNARLS]
OHH!

"YOU READ A SPELL BOOK,

YOU'VE JUST BOUGHT
A SPELL BOOK."

WHAT KIND
OF A SHOP IS THIS?

OHH!

Dr. Beaumont:
12 BATCHES
OF LOVE POTION,

A CASE OF GOOD
FORTUNE PENDANTS,

4 TUBES OF
AGE REMOVAL CREAM--

I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MOMENT.

I'M PLACING
A LONG-DISTANCE ORDER.

OH, AND A COUPLE
OF BOTTLES OF THAT YUMMY

VINAIGRETTE SALAD DRESSING
YOU GUYS MAKE.

CAN YOU GET IT HERE
BY FRIDAY, MANNY?

AH, GOOD.

AH, YOUNG ARCHIE ANDREWS.

HOW ARE YOU
THIS WONDERFUL
SPRING AFTERNOON?

YOU--YOU KNOW MY NAME?

YES. I, THE MYSTERIOUS
DR. HORATIO BEAUREGARD BEAUMONT,

KNOW MANY THINGS.

GONNA HAVE TO GET
THIS LIGHT FIXTURE
FIXED ONE OF THESE DAYS.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO DR. BEAUMONT'S EMPORIUM

OF CURIOS, NOVELTIES,
ANTIQUITIES,
AND HARD LESSONS?

I'D LIKE TO BUY--

A CARD ENTITLING YOU

TO FULL
BORROWING PRIVILEGES

AT THE LIBRARY
OF ALEXANDRIA?

UH, NO.

THE AMULET
OF GOOD GROOMING?

NOT REALLY.

A COMPACT DISC
OF RON DANTE'S
GREATEST HITS?

ACTUALLY, HOW MUCH
ARE YOU CHARGING

FOR THOSE DICE?

I STRONGLYRECOMMEND
NOT BUYING THOSE.

THERE ARE SOME
VERY NASTY CONSEQUENCES

ATTACHED TO OWNING
THOSE DICE.

BUT I GOTTA HAVE 'EM.

THEY'RE PERFECT
FOR MY CAR. HOW MUCH?

VERY WELL. HMM.

I'D SAY, OHH...
$21.43.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
I HAVE IN MY POCKET.

WHAT A BREAK!

NOW, I DON'T WANT
TO TAKE THIS MONEY

IF THERE'S
SOMETHING ELSE
OR SOMEONEELSE

YOU SHOULD BE
SPENDING IT ON.

I'D BE TERRIBLY UPSET
IF, SAY,

YOU COULDN'T GO
ON A FRIDAY MOVIE DATE

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T
HAVE THIS MONEY.

I'M ONLY SPEAKING
HYPOTHETICALLY HERE,

BUT THIS DATE MIGHT BE

WITH A RAVEN-HAIRED
RICH YOUNG LADY,

SOMETIMES A LITTLE
SPOILED AND IMPATIENT?

FIRST NAME
STARTS WITH A "V"?

THESE WILL LOOK
WONDERFUL

HANGING FROM BETSY'S
REARVIEW MIRROR.

I ALWAYS HATE IT
WHEN THEY GO FOR
THE HARD LESSONS.

NOW TO SEE WHAT
THIS LOOKS LIKE.

PERFECT! BEAUTIFUL!

WORTH EVERY PENNY
I SPENT ON 'EM.

NOTHING'S TOO GOOD
FOR MY BETSY.

AH, THAT SHOULD TAKE
CARE OF THAT LITTLE

KNOCKING NOISE IN
YOUR ENGINE, BETSY.

WHEW!
IT'S HOT WORK, BETSY.

I'VE GOTTA HAND IT
TO YOU, PAL.

FOR A DOOMED MAN,

YOU'RE DOING
A GOOD JOB OF
KEEPING YOUR COOL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"DOOMED MAN"?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO PICK UP VERONICA
IN 15 MINUTES.

WHEN YOU SHOW UP
LOOKING LIKE THAT,

SHE'S GONNA
KILL YOU.

MY DATE WITH VERONICA!
I FORGOT!

ARCHIE FORGETTING
A DATE WITH VERONICA?

IT'S GETTING SO YOU CAN'T
COUNT ON ANYTHING NOWADAYS.

ALL THIS FUSS FOR WHAT?

JUST ANOTHER EXPENSIVE
DATE WITH VERONICA.

EXPENSIVE DATE?!
I FORGOT!

OHH!

I'M BROKE.

I SPENT MY ALLOWANCE
ON THE DICE
FOR BETSY.

BROKE ON A DATE
WITH VERONICA.

I'LL MISS YOU, BUDDY.

WHERE SHOULD
WE SEND THE FLOWERS
FOR YOUR FUNERAL?

OH, JUGHEAD,
AMIGO...

OH, NO. YOU'RE NOT DOING
WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING.

COME ON, JUGHEAD.
FLOAT ME A TWENTY

UNTIL MY NEXT
ALLOWANCE.

KEEP AWAY. YOU'RE
SUBVERTING THE NATURAL
ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE.

I'M SUPPOSED
TO MOOCH OFF YOU,
NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

PLEASE, JUGHEAD!
IT'S A MATTER
OF LIFE OR DEATH!

PLEASE! I'M BEGGING
ON MY KNEES.

[EXAGGERATED SOBS]

OK, OK!
JUST DON'T CRY!

HERE, BUT LET'S KEEP THIS
OUR LITTLE SECRET.

THIS COULD RUIN
MY REPUTATION.

THANKS, JUGHEAD.

[CAR ALARM DEACTIVATES]

I FEEL SO...USED!

[BETSY PULLS AWAY]

WE'LL HAVE A BITE
TO EAT AT POP'S,

AND THEN
TO THE MOVIES.

THIS IS LIKE HAVING
THE OLD YOU BACK.

ADMIT IT, ARCHIEKINS.

IT'S MORE FUN SPENDING TIME
WITH YOUR FRIENDS

THAN WORKING ON
YOUR CAR ALL DAY.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

LET ME REPHRASE THAT.

IT'S MORE FUN
SPENDING TIME WITH ME

THAN WORKING
ON YOUR CAR ALL DAY.

WHOO!

[JITTERY]
W-W-HAT'S W-W-WRONG?

[JITTERY]
I--I DON'T KNOW!

T-T-THE STEERING
W-WHEEL JUST

T-TWISTED DOWN
THIS R-R-ROAD!

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

THAT WAS PECULIAR.

BETSY'S
A CLASSIC CAR.

ALL CLASSIC CARS
DRIVE A LITTLE...

ECCENTRIC.

ARCHIEKINS,
I KNOW CLASSIC CARS,

AND THIS IS
NO CLASSIC CAR!

WHOA!

UNH! YOU ALL RIGHT,
VERONICA?

I THINK SO.

AH, HERE WE ARE,
POP TATE'S
CHOCK'LIT SHOPPE.

WHEW! NOT A MOMENT
TOO SOON!

WHO KNOW WHEN
THIS WRECK OF YOURS

WILL FALL APART
COMPLETELY--UNH!

I CAN'T BREATHE!
GET IT OFF ME!

IT'S ALMOST LIKE
THAT CAR WAS DOING
THAT DELIBERATELY.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

HOW COULD BETSY
DO THAT?

COME ON.
LET'S GET DINNER.

I SUPPOSE
YOU'RE RIGHT.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT ARCHIE SEES

IN THIS DISASTER
ON WHEELS.

[ENGINE REVS]

NAH, IT COULDN'T BE.

YOW!

THIS IS FUN.

I GUESS MAYBE
I HAVEN'T BEEN SPENDING

ENOUGH TIME WITH
MY FRIENDS LATELY.

WELL, JUST AS LONG
AS YOU SPEND

A LITTLE MORE TIME
CHASING ME.

SOMETIMES IT SEEMS
LIKE I'M DOING

EVERYTHING I CAN
TO GET YOUR ATTENTION,

BUT YOU'RE
TOO BUSY TO NOTICE.

OH, ARCHIEKINS!

AAH!

IF I'M NOT CAREFUL,

I COULD REALLY
FALL FOR YOU.

VERONICA--

UH,
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO BELIEVE THIS,

BUT YOUR CAR HAS
REGGIE CORNERED UP
THAT STREETLAMP!

I'M TIRED OF
EVERYONE KNOCKING BETSY.

I LIKE MY CAR.
YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE SHE'S RELIABLE.

BETSY'S ALWAYS THERE
FOR YOU!

WELL, YOUR BELOVED
BETSY ISN'T IN
HER PARKING PLACE.

LOOK FOR YOURSELF.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, THAT LOOKS
LIKE AN INNOCENTLY
PARKED CAR TO ME.

BUT--

COME ON,
I'M TAKING YOU HOME.

THIS DATE IS OVER!

I DON'T KNOW
WHY ALL MY FRIENDS

ARE SO JEALOUS
OF BETSY.

WAIT, ARCHIEKINS!

LET'S NOT FIGHT.

Betsy: PLEASE STEP AWAY
FROM ARCHIE ANDREWS.

THIS MEANS YOU,
VERONICA LODGE.

DID YOUR CAR
JUST TALK TO ME?

BETSY?

YOU WERE WARNED,
VERONICA LODGE.

AAH!

THAT'S IT!
THAT'S IT!

YOU CAN TAKE
BETSY TO THE MOVIE.

I'M TAKING
A CAB HOME.

Y-Y-YOU SPOKE!

AND YOU SQUIRTED OIL
ALL OVER VERONICA.

OHH, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD
WHAT YOU SAW IN HER.

BESIDES, YOU DON'T
NEED HER,

NOT WHEN YOU HAVE ME.
GET IN.

I DON'T REALLY LIKE
ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD
SEE THEM ANYMORE.

OH, HERE, LET ME.

[ENGINE STARTS]

THE WAY I SEE IT,

IF YOU DUMP ALL
YOUR FRIENDS COMPLETELY,

YOU CAN SPEND MORE TIME
WITH ME,

AND I DO MEAN
ALLYOUR TIME.

Betsy: SEE HOW NICE IT IS
WHEN ALL THOSE FRIENDS

AREN'T HANGING AROUND
RUINING THINGS?

IT'S SO MUCH BETTER
WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME.

IT HAS BEEN FUN,

BUT LET'S HEAD HOME.

AW, DO WE HAVE TO?

WE'VE BEEN DRIVING AROUND
SINCE LAST NIGHT.

I NEED TO GET
SOME SLEEP.

YOU'RE NOT PLANNING
TO SNEAK OFF

TO MEET THAT ROTTEN BETTY

AT THE SPRING DANCE
ARE YOU?

DON'T BE SILLY.
WHY WOULD I WANT TO
SPEND TIME WITH BETTY

WHEN I COULD BE
WITH YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
ARCHIE?

I'M PUTTING YOU
IN THE GARAGE.

IT LOOKS LIKE
IT MIGHT RAIN
LATER TONIGHT.

YOU'RE SO THOUGHTFUL.

MAYBE AFTER
YOU TAKE A NAP,

YOU CAN GIVE ME
AN OIL CHANGE.

WON'T THAT BE MORE FUN

THAN GOING
TO SOME LOUSY DANCE?

Archie: YOU BET.

YOU DON'T NEED
ANYONE ELSE, ARCHIE,

JUST ME.

RIGHT.

Betsy: ARCHIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GOING
TO THE SPRING DANCE.

I WANT TO SPEND SOME TIME
WITH REAL PEOPLE.

YOU'RE JUST A MACHINE.

YOU TRICKED ME!

WHEN I GET BACK,
I'M GONNA FIGURE OUT

HOW TO CHANGE YOU BACK
TO A NORMAL CAR.

[BETSY REVVING]

WHOA!

WELL!
SO YOU'D RATHER BE

WITH YOUR FRIENDS
THAN WITH ME.

MAYBE IF I GOT
RID OF THEM,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
A CHOICE BUT TO
SPEND TIME WITH ME.

[COUGHS]

Betty: I CAN'T BELIEVE
THE DANCE IS OVER

AND STILL NO ARCHIE.

I TELL YOU, ARCHIE'S
NOT COMING, BETTY.

HE'S GONE ALL
SOFT IN THE HEAD

FOR THAT STRANGE
CAR OF HIS.

I HOPE HE'S OK.

LOOK. HERE HE COMES.

THAT'S ARCHIE'S CAR,
ALL RIGHT.

AND NO ONE'S
DRIVING IT,

JUST LIKE
YESTERDAY!

LOOKS LIKE
IT'S HEADED
STRAIGHT FOR US.

All: IT'S HEADED
STRAIGHT FOR US!

WHAAH!

AAH!

I HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE
TO SAVE THE GANG.

OH, NO!

CHUCK, NANCY,
WHAT HAPPENED?

IS EVERYONE
ALL RIGHT?

SOMEBODY'S OUT-OF-CONTROL CAR
SMASHED THROUGH THE DOORS.

Chuck: NANCY AND I
WERE LOCKING UP
AFTER THE DANCE.

WE MANAGED TO GET
INTO THE LOCKER ROOM
BEFORE WE WERE HURT.

DID YOU SEE THE GANG?

BETTY, VERONICA,
REGGIE, AND JUGHEAD

RAN OUT THOSE DOORS
A FEW MOMENTS BEFORE

THE CAR BUSTED OUT
THROUGH THEM.

IT WAS ALMOST
LIKE THAT CAR

WAS DELIBERATELY
CHASING THEM.

I'VE NEVER
SEEN JUGHEAD
MOVE SO FAST!

[BETSY REVVING]

YOU CAN'T
STAY UP THERE FOREVER!

WE CAN SURE TRY!

ONCE I GET RID
OF YOU FOUR,

I'LL HAVE ARCHIE
ALL TO MYSELF.

AHH! CAN'T WE
DISCUSS THIS?

I KNOW
A NICE EUROPEAN
LUXURY SEDAN.

YOU'D MAKE
A LOVELY COUPLE.
I'LL INTRODUCE YOU.

JUGHEAD!

I'M FALLING!

YAAH! UNH!

TRY TO EAT COOKIES
IN MY BACKSEAT, WILL YOU?

HUH?

WHAAH!

Betsy: HOW COULD YOU
PREFER THEM TO ME?!

THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.
THEY'RE PEOPLE.

YOU'RE JUST A THING.

WHERE'D THEY GO?

HERE THEY COME AGAIN!

YOU BETRAYED ME
FOR MERE FLESH
AND BLOOD!

WHOOOAAA!

OF COURSE. THE DICE!

THIS ALL STARTED
AFTER I PUT THE DICE
ON THE MIRROR.

WHOA!

OOF! UNH!

[BETSY POWERS DOWN]

WHA!

[ENGINE SPUTTERS]

WHOA! UNH!

HE'S NOT MOVING!

BUDDY, SPEAK TO US!

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO PAY ME BACK
THAT 20!

JUST GET UP!

ARCHIEKINS,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE,

NOW THAT MY FRIENDS
ARE SAFE.

I'VE GOT YOU,
OLD BUDDY.

Jughead:
HOLD HER STEADY.

HANG ON TO ME,
ARCHIE.

NO, ME,
ARCHIEKINS.

WELL, BETSY SEEMS TO BE
NORMAL AGAIN.

YEAH, BUT
WHAT A WRECK.

SORRY, ARCHIEKINS.

IT'LL TAKE YOU
WEEKS TO REPAIR
ALL THAT DAMAGE.

Jughead: I GUESS
WE WON'T BE SEEING
MUCH OF YOU

UNTIL YOU GET
BETSY RUNNING AGAIN.

I'LL GET
SOME AUTO SHOP
TO FIX BETSY.

I'D RATHER
SPEND TIME
WITH MY FRIENDS.

Betty:
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!

Jughead and Reggie:
ARCHIE'S BACK!

Veronica: WE MISSED YOU,
ARCHIEKINS.

CAN'T LEAVE THESE
LYING AROUND

WHERE ANYONE
COULD PICK THEM UP.

NOT EVERYONE
NEEDS TO LEARN
THIS LESSON.

Archie, voice-over:
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT,
DEAR READERS--

THIS WEEK'S ARCHIE'S
WEIRD MYSTERIESCOLUMN.

BUT I'D LIKE TO CLOSE
WITH ONE FINAL THOUGHT.

A PAIR OF DICE
POSSESSING A CAR

AND TURNING
INTO AN INTELLIGENT
AND JEALOUS MONSTER

IS DEFINITELY
HARD TO BELIEVE,

BUT EVEN HARDER TO BELIEVE

IS THAT I ALLOWED MYSELF
TO FORGET THAT PEOPLE

ARE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THINGS.

HOW THAT COULD HAPPEN
IS PROBABLY ONE OF

THE WEIRDEST MYSTERIES
THAT EVER HAPPENED

IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.