Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000–2015): Season 9, Episode 9 - Zucotti Manicotti - full transcript
Meatwad, a fan of the "Zucotti Manicotti" show, asks for a lot of the show's merchandise for Christmas but Frylock can only afford to give him a puppet. Master Shake uses the puppet to scare Meatwad making him think it's evil, despite Shake being obviously controlling the puppet. The real Zucotti from another planet arrives to clear the mess, but a confused Meatwad has to decide which one is the real Zucotti between the real and the puppet, and shoot and kill the fake one.
Ooh, Frylock es tan caliente.
* I'm the pimp on
top, can't never be stopped *
* Frylock is on the bottom,
and your mama on my... *
Shakezula is m'elegante de
la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
* don't understand why you're
With a "g" *
* 'cause Shake got the bait,
make a blind man see *
* Meatwad got your mama in my
ride *
* rollin' up the whole up
and then keep the hoes high *
* "aqua something you
know..." *
eh, whatever.
Gratuity! Yay!
You only left a dollar?
Well, she was really slow
with the bread.
You fiend!
Unhand three more dollars.
Come on. Three?
She gave you free refills and
validated your parking.
You're right,
zucotti manicotti.
I was wrong to be a cheapskate.
You've learned a valuable
lesson today, crimson tightwad.
Let's not be cross with each
other.
It's time to dance.
That's what I'm talking...
Still watching that
zucotti manicotti marathon, huh?
Yeah, boy.
Did you know that you always tip
at least 15% unless the service
was not up to par?
But 20% is a good benchmark.
When does this end,
by the way?
This here's a
manicotti marathon.
It ends Monday at midnight.
Damn, man, what the
hell?
And then it's definitely over?
I mean, I can get the TV
back then, right?
Well, this is all
leading up to the premiere of
the new show,
"zucotti manicotti's healthy
Tips to fighting childhood
obesity and early onset
diabetes."
Tip number one -- stop
watching TV.
Zucotti!
Tip number two is
clean up that mess.
Zucotti, no!
Tip number three --
stay out of my way!
You should be cleaning this up
instead of me.
That's the way.
Zucotti manicotti said too
much TV dulls the mind and
closes the door to imagination.
So in a way, I should be
thanking you.
Well, I'm only doing
this because Frylock threatened
me with getting into trouble.
Here, Frylock.
Would you mind perusing my
Christmas list?
Zucotti manicotti
tennis shoes, zucotti manicotti
book of manners,
zucotti manicotti restaurant
guide for tipping, and
zucotti manicotti shower radio
with mp3 adapter.
I'm sensing a theme here.
Yep.
I love me some
zucotti manicotti.
Holy hell, this
zucotti manicotti is
expensive, Meatwad.
Damn!
Ooh,
zucotti manicotti says, "nothing
worse than someone that curse."
Well, I don't know
if Santa can afford a lot of
these zucotti manicotti
accessories.
That's okay.
Santa got a workshop.
Yeah, but Santa has
limited resources.
You know what I mean?
No, I don't know.
I've been a very good boy this
year because I've been following
"zucotti manicotti's 101 steps
to being a very good boy this
year."
It's like you're
Damn brainwashed, man.
Ooh,
zucotti manicotti say, "nothing
worse than someone that curse."
You tell your little
noodle friend he can suck my
Ass and lick my
balls.
Chomp down on them good.
That little nut
Open it, Meatwad.
Go ahead, open it.
It's the official
zucotti manicotti hand puppet.
Oh, boy!
Now you can make
zucotti manicotti shows of your
own.
What are you doing?
I'm looking under
the tree for all the other
zucotti manicotti merchandise on
my list.
I'm not seeing it here.
Meatwad, that puppet
you have there was almost
3 grand.
Maybe you should pretend that
you got all that other stuff.
Oh, what's wrong with
him?
Oh, his eyes are glowing.
Well, he must be...
Jet-lagged from the trip from
the north pole, you know?
I'm
going to eat your head.
Come here!
Zucotti, no!
I'll start with the
face.
Shake, cut it out.
Let the blood rain
down!
Zucotti, you've
changed.
Get back here -- I
need to enter your dreams.
Way to go, Shake.
Real nice.
Thanks, man.
No, I mean you
ruined Christmas.
Not yet I haven't.
The
wi-i-i-i-ndow.
The wi-i-i-i-ndow.
Don't go to sleep.
Meatwad, quick!
He's attacking me! Help!
Help! Frylock, help!
W-w-what happened?
Are you okay, buddy?
I heard screaming.
Zucotti's attached
to your hand.
Oh, no.
He's biting me! Get the gun!
Shoot him in the head! Hurry!
My hand, man!
See, I told you.
Zucotti, he...
You all saw it.
It was self-defense.
I had to draw on him.
You're right,
Meatwad.
You did what you had to do.
He saved your life, didn't he,
Shake?
He's not dead yet. Come on.
We got to burn the body.
Let's hurry.
Dude, it was
3 grand.
Only way to know for
sure.
You okay, sir?
I-I feel a disturbance.
One of my hand puppets has met
its demise at this house in
New Jersey.
I assume you're going to see
to this personally.
I will see to this
personally.
Shall I prepare the space
pod?
Prepare my space pod.
Yeah, I -- I thought so.
I'm sorry, zucotti.
I know it ain't part of your
manners to shoot somebody in the
face, but I did what I had to
do, you know?
I'm sure you'd respect that if I
didn't blow your brains out on
the carpet.
Meatwad, sometimes
heroes have to die.
Just like Spartacus and krull
and the beastmaster, even e.T.
E.T. Phoned home.
He didn't die.
After the credits, he
died immediately.
No! Not e.T.!
Oh, yeah.
When his people picked e.T. Up
on earth, he smelled so much
like them little kids that they
turned on him.
And then they ate him when he
was still alive.
No!
Meatwad!
Zucotti!
But I shot you.
You attacked my best friend.
No, no, no.
You are being deceived.
And he has deceived you yet
again.
What does my show say about
deception?
* why would you
lie *
* to a guy eye to eye?
* think twice before --
don't, don't, please don't
sing the whole song.
You get it.
Basically it says it's bad.
An
imposter disguised as me!
Seize him!
Two
zucotti manicottis?
I'm the real
zucotti manicotti.
Obviously that's an imposter
hand puppet.
No!
It is he deceiving you.
What does my song say?
* why would you
lie *
* to a guy --
I know.
I don't need to hear it.
Just shoot him in the head!
Now -- now hold on a second.
A manicotti would never preach
violence against another
manicotti.
He's right -- the
manicottis are a peaceful,
well-mannered puppet people.
Pretty please, shoot
him in the head.
Well, he did ask me
nicely.
Look, I am zucotti manicotti
of the intergalactic manicottis.
Liar!
You don't even sound like me.
Come on.
Pretty, pretty, pretty
please?
What do I do?
I'm torn between good and evil.
We will put it to a test.
Exhibit "a" -- as you can see,
the real zucotti manicotti can
dematerialize and reappear.
Uh, let me stop you
right there.
Now, I would gladly do that,
except I got a sore throat right
now and I'm very achy.
My glands are swollen, you know,
the glands that allow me to do
that.
In his defense,
he does feel very hot.
Well, I don't want
to pressure you if you ain't
feeling good.
So it's up to you, zucotti 2.
Well, uh, you do know that's
TV, right?
What's your point?
I mean, you know, we turn the
cameras off, I walk over there,
and then they turn the cameras
back on.
It's TV magic.
I don't really have those
powers, so --
Yeah,
like you've been on TV.
Well, he is lying to you.
No, I'm not.
Okay. All right.
If I didn't have these
swollen glands, I would do it
right now.
Okay, okay, fine.
On to test two.
As one of y'all know,
zucotti manicotti has the
strength of a thousand armies.
The real zucotti will be able to
lift this sporty, two-door
hatchback and throw it straight
to the moon.
Uh, is this -- is this
papier-m?ch??
Clearly no.
On TV, they use papier-m?ch?.
What can I say?
Glands.
Uh, see, when I fly, I wear a
wire.
They paint it out in post.
What's your excuse? Glands?
Of course, yes.
Aha! Another deception.
Manicottis do not even have
glands!
Oh, is that right?
Well, how about
we slice him open and see who's
telling the truth?
Well, fine, I'll be the first
to strike.
Let's just calm
down.
Damn. On to test four.
Come on.
I never said I could eat 100
eggs.
I mean, never.
And I
never said it either, and i'm
the one who's got my own TV
show.
You're thinking
cool hand Luke.
You know, Paul Newman.
You remember he was in jail.
Oh, yeah, that's
right.
Yeah, I seen that on TV.
Wait.
Wait, Meatwad, he's doing it.
He's eating the 100 eggs.
You're the real
cool hand Luke.
Oh, right, yeah.
He's eating eggs through a
bullet hole.
The
shells are my favorite part.
And, oh, wow! Oh, look!
He's pooping them out real fast,
too, huh?
The digestive system
of a manicotti is, uh...
I don't know.
Maybe he got the runs.
Oh, shut the up, you
dumb piece of
You're about the most ignorant
I've ever seen in my
life.
What the is wrong with
you?
How stupid can a be?
I have humored this long enough.
I am clearly at my breaking
point!
Oh,
god.
The imposter.
You figured it out.
He had me going for
a little while, but he made one
little mistake.
The zucotti manicotti I know
looks taller on TV.
All right, drop the
gun.
Drop the gun now! F.B.I.!
You're under arrest for the
murder of zucotti macotti.
You're with the
feds?
That's right.
I'm wearing a wire.
I got the whole thing on tape.
Now hand over the gun.
It was an accident.
It just went off in my hand.
Save it for the
lawyer, chump.
Now to commit murder.
What? Aah!
Damn it!
My hand!
He won't move, won't
talk.
He just keep staring at the
wall.
And he doesn't hog the
TV anymore.
I crushed this deal, holla!
Shake, look, you saw
the noose made out of shoelaces
in his room, didn't you?
I thought that was
like one of them, you know,
Indian dream catcher things that
he decided to hang himself with.
Yeah, well, 'cause
of you, I got to push Prozac in
his cat food for the next god
knows how long, and good luck
getting him to eat it.
He gets wet food?
I'm the one who's alive and
relevant.
* oh, oh
* oh, oh
* oh, oh
* oh, oh
* oh, oh, oh, oh
ah! A-ha ha ha ha!
You dumb piece of...
* I'm the pimp on
top, can't never be stopped *
* Frylock is on the bottom,
and your mama on my... *
Shakezula is m'elegante de
la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
* don't understand why you're
With a "g" *
* 'cause Shake got the bait,
make a blind man see *
* Meatwad got your mama in my
ride *
* rollin' up the whole up
and then keep the hoes high *
* "aqua something you
know..." *
eh, whatever.
Gratuity! Yay!
You only left a dollar?
Well, she was really slow
with the bread.
You fiend!
Unhand three more dollars.
Come on. Three?
She gave you free refills and
validated your parking.
You're right,
zucotti manicotti.
I was wrong to be a cheapskate.
You've learned a valuable
lesson today, crimson tightwad.
Let's not be cross with each
other.
It's time to dance.
That's what I'm talking...
Still watching that
zucotti manicotti marathon, huh?
Yeah, boy.
Did you know that you always tip
at least 15% unless the service
was not up to par?
But 20% is a good benchmark.
When does this end,
by the way?
This here's a
manicotti marathon.
It ends Monday at midnight.
Damn, man, what the
hell?
And then it's definitely over?
I mean, I can get the TV
back then, right?
Well, this is all
leading up to the premiere of
the new show,
"zucotti manicotti's healthy
Tips to fighting childhood
obesity and early onset
diabetes."
Tip number one -- stop
watching TV.
Zucotti!
Tip number two is
clean up that mess.
Zucotti, no!
Tip number three --
stay out of my way!
You should be cleaning this up
instead of me.
That's the way.
Zucotti manicotti said too
much TV dulls the mind and
closes the door to imagination.
So in a way, I should be
thanking you.
Well, I'm only doing
this because Frylock threatened
me with getting into trouble.
Here, Frylock.
Would you mind perusing my
Christmas list?
Zucotti manicotti
tennis shoes, zucotti manicotti
book of manners,
zucotti manicotti restaurant
guide for tipping, and
zucotti manicotti shower radio
with mp3 adapter.
I'm sensing a theme here.
Yep.
I love me some
zucotti manicotti.
Holy hell, this
zucotti manicotti is
expensive, Meatwad.
Damn!
Ooh,
zucotti manicotti says, "nothing
worse than someone that curse."
Well, I don't know
if Santa can afford a lot of
these zucotti manicotti
accessories.
That's okay.
Santa got a workshop.
Yeah, but Santa has
limited resources.
You know what I mean?
No, I don't know.
I've been a very good boy this
year because I've been following
"zucotti manicotti's 101 steps
to being a very good boy this
year."
It's like you're
Damn brainwashed, man.
Ooh,
zucotti manicotti say, "nothing
worse than someone that curse."
You tell your little
noodle friend he can suck my
Ass and lick my
balls.
Chomp down on them good.
That little nut
Open it, Meatwad.
Go ahead, open it.
It's the official
zucotti manicotti hand puppet.
Oh, boy!
Now you can make
zucotti manicotti shows of your
own.
What are you doing?
I'm looking under
the tree for all the other
zucotti manicotti merchandise on
my list.
I'm not seeing it here.
Meatwad, that puppet
you have there was almost
3 grand.
Maybe you should pretend that
you got all that other stuff.
Oh, what's wrong with
him?
Oh, his eyes are glowing.
Well, he must be...
Jet-lagged from the trip from
the north pole, you know?
I'm
going to eat your head.
Come here!
Zucotti, no!
I'll start with the
face.
Shake, cut it out.
Let the blood rain
down!
Zucotti, you've
changed.
Get back here -- I
need to enter your dreams.
Way to go, Shake.
Real nice.
Thanks, man.
No, I mean you
ruined Christmas.
Not yet I haven't.
The
wi-i-i-i-ndow.
The wi-i-i-i-ndow.
Don't go to sleep.
Meatwad, quick!
He's attacking me! Help!
Help! Frylock, help!
W-w-what happened?
Are you okay, buddy?
I heard screaming.
Zucotti's attached
to your hand.
Oh, no.
He's biting me! Get the gun!
Shoot him in the head! Hurry!
My hand, man!
See, I told you.
Zucotti, he...
You all saw it.
It was self-defense.
I had to draw on him.
You're right,
Meatwad.
You did what you had to do.
He saved your life, didn't he,
Shake?
He's not dead yet. Come on.
We got to burn the body.
Let's hurry.
Dude, it was
3 grand.
Only way to know for
sure.
You okay, sir?
I-I feel a disturbance.
One of my hand puppets has met
its demise at this house in
New Jersey.
I assume you're going to see
to this personally.
I will see to this
personally.
Shall I prepare the space
pod?
Prepare my space pod.
Yeah, I -- I thought so.
I'm sorry, zucotti.
I know it ain't part of your
manners to shoot somebody in the
face, but I did what I had to
do, you know?
I'm sure you'd respect that if I
didn't blow your brains out on
the carpet.
Meatwad, sometimes
heroes have to die.
Just like Spartacus and krull
and the beastmaster, even e.T.
E.T. Phoned home.
He didn't die.
After the credits, he
died immediately.
No! Not e.T.!
Oh, yeah.
When his people picked e.T. Up
on earth, he smelled so much
like them little kids that they
turned on him.
And then they ate him when he
was still alive.
No!
Meatwad!
Zucotti!
But I shot you.
You attacked my best friend.
No, no, no.
You are being deceived.
And he has deceived you yet
again.
What does my show say about
deception?
* why would you
lie *
* to a guy eye to eye?
* think twice before --
don't, don't, please don't
sing the whole song.
You get it.
Basically it says it's bad.
An
imposter disguised as me!
Seize him!
Two
zucotti manicottis?
I'm the real
zucotti manicotti.
Obviously that's an imposter
hand puppet.
No!
It is he deceiving you.
What does my song say?
* why would you
lie *
* to a guy --
I know.
I don't need to hear it.
Just shoot him in the head!
Now -- now hold on a second.
A manicotti would never preach
violence against another
manicotti.
He's right -- the
manicottis are a peaceful,
well-mannered puppet people.
Pretty please, shoot
him in the head.
Well, he did ask me
nicely.
Look, I am zucotti manicotti
of the intergalactic manicottis.
Liar!
You don't even sound like me.
Come on.
Pretty, pretty, pretty
please?
What do I do?
I'm torn between good and evil.
We will put it to a test.
Exhibit "a" -- as you can see,
the real zucotti manicotti can
dematerialize and reappear.
Uh, let me stop you
right there.
Now, I would gladly do that,
except I got a sore throat right
now and I'm very achy.
My glands are swollen, you know,
the glands that allow me to do
that.
In his defense,
he does feel very hot.
Well, I don't want
to pressure you if you ain't
feeling good.
So it's up to you, zucotti 2.
Well, uh, you do know that's
TV, right?
What's your point?
I mean, you know, we turn the
cameras off, I walk over there,
and then they turn the cameras
back on.
It's TV magic.
I don't really have those
powers, so --
Yeah,
like you've been on TV.
Well, he is lying to you.
No, I'm not.
Okay. All right.
If I didn't have these
swollen glands, I would do it
right now.
Okay, okay, fine.
On to test two.
As one of y'all know,
zucotti manicotti has the
strength of a thousand armies.
The real zucotti will be able to
lift this sporty, two-door
hatchback and throw it straight
to the moon.
Uh, is this -- is this
papier-m?ch??
Clearly no.
On TV, they use papier-m?ch?.
What can I say?
Glands.
Uh, see, when I fly, I wear a
wire.
They paint it out in post.
What's your excuse? Glands?
Of course, yes.
Aha! Another deception.
Manicottis do not even have
glands!
Oh, is that right?
Well, how about
we slice him open and see who's
telling the truth?
Well, fine, I'll be the first
to strike.
Let's just calm
down.
Damn. On to test four.
Come on.
I never said I could eat 100
eggs.
I mean, never.
And I
never said it either, and i'm
the one who's got my own TV
show.
You're thinking
cool hand Luke.
You know, Paul Newman.
You remember he was in jail.
Oh, yeah, that's
right.
Yeah, I seen that on TV.
Wait.
Wait, Meatwad, he's doing it.
He's eating the 100 eggs.
You're the real
cool hand Luke.
Oh, right, yeah.
He's eating eggs through a
bullet hole.
The
shells are my favorite part.
And, oh, wow! Oh, look!
He's pooping them out real fast,
too, huh?
The digestive system
of a manicotti is, uh...
I don't know.
Maybe he got the runs.
Oh, shut the up, you
dumb piece of
You're about the most ignorant
I've ever seen in my
life.
What the is wrong with
you?
How stupid can a be?
I have humored this long enough.
I am clearly at my breaking
point!
Oh,
god.
The imposter.
You figured it out.
He had me going for
a little while, but he made one
little mistake.
The zucotti manicotti I know
looks taller on TV.
All right, drop the
gun.
Drop the gun now! F.B.I.!
You're under arrest for the
murder of zucotti macotti.
You're with the
feds?
That's right.
I'm wearing a wire.
I got the whole thing on tape.
Now hand over the gun.
It was an accident.
It just went off in my hand.
Save it for the
lawyer, chump.
Now to commit murder.
What? Aah!
Damn it!
My hand!
He won't move, won't
talk.
He just keep staring at the
wall.
And he doesn't hog the
TV anymore.
I crushed this deal, holla!
Shake, look, you saw
the noose made out of shoelaces
in his room, didn't you?
I thought that was
like one of them, you know,
Indian dream catcher things that
he decided to hang himself with.
Yeah, well, 'cause
of you, I got to push Prozac in
his cat food for the next god
knows how long, and good luck
getting him to eat it.
He gets wet food?
I'm the one who's alive and
relevant.
* oh, oh
* oh, oh
* oh, oh
* oh, oh
* oh, oh, oh, oh
ah! A-ha ha ha ha!
You dumb piece of...