Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000–2015): Season 11, Episode 1 - Mouth Quest - full transcript
This very special episode of Aqua Teen is brought to you by Abraham Lincoln's Lunch Links. Now available in Tough n' Tenacious Teriyaki!
Meatwad, what's that you're watching?
Hell, you got eyes, ain't you?
Why don't you use them eyes to watch with your eyes
like I be doing with my eyes?
Figure it out, fool. You better watch your mouth.
I am watching it...
Like you too lazy to do, apparently.
You know, some people in
Africa are born without mouths,
and they're the nicest people in the world.
And someday, if you lose your mouth,
you're gonna wish you didn't say
ugly things like that to me.
That ain't happening, son.
This mouth here --
it ain't going nowhere, and no-how.
Meatwad, what are you watching?
It look like some sort of big old jungle cat
made out of red hot dogs and he got a chinbeard
and clearly he's destroying downtown
in an elaborate, high-budget action sequence.
That can only mean one thing.
Honest Abe Lincoln's links lynx is on the prowl.
Lincoln!
Now in tough and tenacious teriyaki!
Damn, son.
How did you get so fast?
Uh, I have super-speed now.
Must have been all that delicious protein and sodium
from honest Abe Lincoln's lunch lynx...
Lincoln!Now injected with twice the lunch flavor.
Lunch flavor?
You mean it's not just for snacking now? That's right.
Honest Abe Lincoln wouldn't lie.
Eh?
It's the snack... Lincoln!
...That packs a lunch,
an entire lunch
in one three-foot-long, meat-flavored plank.
This is one "cat-tastrophe"
I don't mind suffering from.
He's coming this way!
Open your mouths! Feast on his protein rain!
What's up?
Nah, I'm not doing anything right now --
just some stupid shit for adult swim.
Master Shake: Is he gone?
Shut up.
Yeah, yeah, he's gone. I just heard his car.
Frickin' sales man. Frack them.
You know, I cannot tell a lie.
These tough and tenacious teriyaki hot links --
they are out of this world.
It's insane!
He's gone, dick! "Out of this world"?
You could have said anything there.
"Out of this world" implies that
you are of a martian origin.
You're a jungle cat, you're president,
you're made of jerky --
what the hell are you?
And I hate to break it to you,
but beef jerky ain't no substitute for an actual meal.
Oh, oh, not so fast!
4 out of 5 doctors agree --
I don't care how you spin the facts.
You've got enough sodium to kill a horse, buddy.
Y-y-you are not to talk to me that way.
I will rake your eyes out!
Look, it's not personal,
but you are an abortion.
Your media plan sucks.
You have no clear identity, no brand awareness.
Ugh! I cannot tell a lie.
You're not even the president who says that!
Hey, whoa, whoa. Y-you watch your mouth, buddy!
W-we paid for this whole episode!
You can't get on any other shows.
We're the cheapest game in town.
And that's the only reason you're here. Listen, my --
I'm a whore, and you're in bed with one.
Welcome to my bed.
You better get out there,
and you better have an adventure right now.
And you, the round little meaty one,
say -- say the product's name.
You better say it! Y-y-you're pushing me!
Say it! Say it!
Meatwad, your mouth!
Oh, thank God.
Finally, you granted my wish.
You know, I actually tried to create that spray --
mouth-off.
It's like acid in a can.
"Don't mouth off to mouth-off."
You have an issue with what I said?
Oh, I'm so interested
in what you have to say now.
I-I just wish you could speak your mind.
We really should find him a mouth.
It's the weekend! Why can't you just chill?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Without a mouth,
then how will the popular meatball character
say my product name over and over and over,
as the contract stipulates,
no less than seven times
over the course of the episode?!
Ah, here we go.
Mmm, honest Abe Lincoln's teriyaki lynx.
Ooh. Honest Abe Lincoln's teriyaki lynx.
Whoo-hoo!
Honest Abe Lincoln's teriyaki lynx.
I don't like this mouth! It's out of character!
People are gonna get angry and turn off the show!
Come on! This is from a way more popular show!
I-I-I have reams and reams and reams of notes!
It needs to be better!
D'oh!
Do an Internet search
for "stop-motion animation excellence"...
...And "rural Georgia."
That's him!
That's the son of a bitch who molested me.
Oh, he touched me over and over!
Shake, please. He's touched all of us.
He touched me more. Rex, Georgia?
How in the hell are we gonna get there?
Oh, yeah, bro.
I am in balls deep with those adult swim d-bags.
Master Shake: Ow!
Well, we're here.
Yeah. As a matter of fact, I'm working on this,
like, super-high-budge jerky spot for them.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just a spot, so whatever.
But I'm pretty certain there's a show in it.
See it -- on his hand? You know,
once I'm done crushing that...
It's Meatwad's mouth....
I'm gonna go and rail on some bush.
It's being guarded by a tiny Christian robot!
Hey, you remember presbobot?
Yeah, that Christian robot?
He comes from planet Jerusalem,
and then he comes to earth and teaches people
to, like, share and shit?
He's on the move.
Yeah, buddy, yeah.
Yeah, I got to go. I got to go drop a dos.
Yeah, I had a bunch of whipped cream
and scotch last night.
That's all I ate.
Okay, I downloaded the floor plan to the apartment.
There's an air vent --
I just made an air vent -- boom.
Shake, no! Yes, Frylock, yes.
Stealers!
Thou shalt not never steal, ever!
Attack the robot with everything we got!
Ugh!
Hyah!
Aah! Ah. Ha!
Ugh! Ee! Ow!
We asked that this episode be special,
a big event!
And I'm looking around, and that doesn't even --
this does -- this is not very special!
Hunh! Aah!
I don't think I can take much more of this laser fight!
Spray him with the mighty vapor from your anal glands!
Oh, no! Nobody wants to go out and buy jerky
- that's squirted and doused in anal juices!
- Unh!
Meatwad, use your other senses,
which are now overcompensating
for the loss of your mouth,
to find out this robot's weaknesses!
Look.
Meatwad's mind-linking with the robot.
I love Jesus!
And I love betting on sports and wearing women's shoes!
I'm crazy about it!
His weaknesses are gambling and feet!
Hurry! Tell me what his weaknesses are!
Gambling and feet! Gambling and feet!
Why are you being so stubborn?!
He ain't got no mouth. Frylock, make him tell me!
He ain't got no mouth, Shake!
And that's our biggest problem right now.
It's what I've been telling you over and over.
Ugh!
I'm just gonna sit down until you feel like helping.
Now hang...
As I whip your sin-soaked skin right off of your ribs!
Deceivers!
I am not comfortable with the
religious undertones here!
Ow. Aw, shoot.
I hammered him to the short side again.
Forgive me, lord.
All the sides are the same
because it's a plus sign...
For addition, so s&p won't --
Won't what?
Let us tell the truth about how he died
and suffered for all of our sins? No.
Won't let us hang from it
unless it looks like a plus sign.
Oh. Shit! Shit! Shit!
This is really throwing me off my game now.
Excuse me for just a moment. You just stand there,
hammered to the holy cr-- uh, plus sign.
Huh?! Hey Jimmy,
I'd like to put $10,000
on, uh, something that I may or may not win,
if it's a game or a race or whatever's happening today.
I don't care.
Shh. Shh. Guys, I'm going. I'm going to it.
I'm -- I'm going for it.
Well, I don't know, Jimmy. You pick for me.
I don't know a lot about betting,
but I'm just feeling lucky today!
Lincoln links lynx: Hyah! Jesus, I'm coming!
'Bout damn time.
I-I-I was waiting for the precise moment.
Precision! Accuracy!
Knock the crap out of that milkShake.
Hyah! Aah!
Why the hell did you do that? I don't know.
I-I had a hunch.
I mean, m-m-maybe it was some kind of
double-cross situation we were in.
We're -- we're all still friends, right, guys?
Presbobot! My presentation!
Oh, hell! They're mind-linking!
In the name of all that's holy,
destroy them!
Destroy who? Those assholes over there!
You'd know if you ever looked
up from your fartin' smartphone!
Oh, you better run...
...Because he's gonna chase you!
Isn't that right, Toby?
Or should I say...
Metalli-Toby?
Formed in my own image!
The created becomes the creator!
No, no, no! No no! No!
No! No! No!
Help!
Help!
Now, you won't be able to run
if you have too many shields.
Hey, Toby.
I can't breathe!
No! Somebody help me, please!
He can't breathe!
Help! Help!
Get him out of there! Hey, somebody, help me!
No! No!
He's dying in front of me, and it's my fault!
Oh, God, no!
Uh, we should go. Oh, oh, go!
Yeah, let's go! Let's go.
B-- yeah, before we even get to the mouth!
You know what? Let's just leave it.
We'll find another one.
Ow!
This wa-- this was nothing similar
to what we agreed to,
not even -- even near in the same u-- galaxy.
Well, we -- we -- we did have an adventure, right?
I mean, we did some things.
There was a robot, and there were lasers.
No! No! No!
You better have a real adventure right now
of the kick-ass kind
so the fools will watch!
Okay, okay, okay! Calm down, man.
We could do... A space adventure maybe.
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Just let me think for a second.
What about if we get an alien
to bust out of this turdball's chest?
No, he don't want that. That's got legs, right?
We're not doing that!
I want aliens and lasers right goddamn now!
All right, fine. Yeah. Let's do that.
Oh, no! Exciting alien attack!
Hurry! To the ship!
That was exciting, right?
Does that work for you or what?
An 18-hour shoot for this?!
It could have been broken up over two days!
What low-rent operation are you running here?!
Hell, you got eyes, ain't you?
Why don't you use them eyes to watch with your eyes
like I be doing with my eyes?
Figure it out, fool. You better watch your mouth.
I am watching it...
Like you too lazy to do, apparently.
You know, some people in
Africa are born without mouths,
and they're the nicest people in the world.
And someday, if you lose your mouth,
you're gonna wish you didn't say
ugly things like that to me.
That ain't happening, son.
This mouth here --
it ain't going nowhere, and no-how.
Meatwad, what are you watching?
It look like some sort of big old jungle cat
made out of red hot dogs and he got a chinbeard
and clearly he's destroying downtown
in an elaborate, high-budget action sequence.
That can only mean one thing.
Honest Abe Lincoln's links lynx is on the prowl.
Lincoln!
Now in tough and tenacious teriyaki!
Damn, son.
How did you get so fast?
Uh, I have super-speed now.
Must have been all that delicious protein and sodium
from honest Abe Lincoln's lunch lynx...
Lincoln!Now injected with twice the lunch flavor.
Lunch flavor?
You mean it's not just for snacking now? That's right.
Honest Abe Lincoln wouldn't lie.
Eh?
It's the snack... Lincoln!
...That packs a lunch,
an entire lunch
in one three-foot-long, meat-flavored plank.
This is one "cat-tastrophe"
I don't mind suffering from.
He's coming this way!
Open your mouths! Feast on his protein rain!
What's up?
Nah, I'm not doing anything right now --
just some stupid shit for adult swim.
Master Shake: Is he gone?
Shut up.
Yeah, yeah, he's gone. I just heard his car.
Frickin' sales man. Frack them.
You know, I cannot tell a lie.
These tough and tenacious teriyaki hot links --
they are out of this world.
It's insane!
He's gone, dick! "Out of this world"?
You could have said anything there.
"Out of this world" implies that
you are of a martian origin.
You're a jungle cat, you're president,
you're made of jerky --
what the hell are you?
And I hate to break it to you,
but beef jerky ain't no substitute for an actual meal.
Oh, oh, not so fast!
4 out of 5 doctors agree --
I don't care how you spin the facts.
You've got enough sodium to kill a horse, buddy.
Y-y-you are not to talk to me that way.
I will rake your eyes out!
Look, it's not personal,
but you are an abortion.
Your media plan sucks.
You have no clear identity, no brand awareness.
Ugh! I cannot tell a lie.
You're not even the president who says that!
Hey, whoa, whoa. Y-you watch your mouth, buddy!
W-we paid for this whole episode!
You can't get on any other shows.
We're the cheapest game in town.
And that's the only reason you're here. Listen, my --
I'm a whore, and you're in bed with one.
Welcome to my bed.
You better get out there,
and you better have an adventure right now.
And you, the round little meaty one,
say -- say the product's name.
You better say it! Y-y-you're pushing me!
Say it! Say it!
Meatwad, your mouth!
Oh, thank God.
Finally, you granted my wish.
You know, I actually tried to create that spray --
mouth-off.
It's like acid in a can.
"Don't mouth off to mouth-off."
You have an issue with what I said?
Oh, I'm so interested
in what you have to say now.
I-I just wish you could speak your mind.
We really should find him a mouth.
It's the weekend! Why can't you just chill?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Without a mouth,
then how will the popular meatball character
say my product name over and over and over,
as the contract stipulates,
no less than seven times
over the course of the episode?!
Ah, here we go.
Mmm, honest Abe Lincoln's teriyaki lynx.
Ooh. Honest Abe Lincoln's teriyaki lynx.
Whoo-hoo!
Honest Abe Lincoln's teriyaki lynx.
I don't like this mouth! It's out of character!
People are gonna get angry and turn off the show!
Come on! This is from a way more popular show!
I-I-I have reams and reams and reams of notes!
It needs to be better!
D'oh!
Do an Internet search
for "stop-motion animation excellence"...
...And "rural Georgia."
That's him!
That's the son of a bitch who molested me.
Oh, he touched me over and over!
Shake, please. He's touched all of us.
He touched me more. Rex, Georgia?
How in the hell are we gonna get there?
Oh, yeah, bro.
I am in balls deep with those adult swim d-bags.
Master Shake: Ow!
Well, we're here.
Yeah. As a matter of fact, I'm working on this,
like, super-high-budge jerky spot for them.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just a spot, so whatever.
But I'm pretty certain there's a show in it.
See it -- on his hand? You know,
once I'm done crushing that...
It's Meatwad's mouth....
I'm gonna go and rail on some bush.
It's being guarded by a tiny Christian robot!
Hey, you remember presbobot?
Yeah, that Christian robot?
He comes from planet Jerusalem,
and then he comes to earth and teaches people
to, like, share and shit?
He's on the move.
Yeah, buddy, yeah.
Yeah, I got to go. I got to go drop a dos.
Yeah, I had a bunch of whipped cream
and scotch last night.
That's all I ate.
Okay, I downloaded the floor plan to the apartment.
There's an air vent --
I just made an air vent -- boom.
Shake, no! Yes, Frylock, yes.
Stealers!
Thou shalt not never steal, ever!
Attack the robot with everything we got!
Ugh!
Hyah!
Aah! Ah. Ha!
Ugh! Ee! Ow!
We asked that this episode be special,
a big event!
And I'm looking around, and that doesn't even --
this does -- this is not very special!
Hunh! Aah!
I don't think I can take much more of this laser fight!
Spray him with the mighty vapor from your anal glands!
Oh, no! Nobody wants to go out and buy jerky
- that's squirted and doused in anal juices!
- Unh!
Meatwad, use your other senses,
which are now overcompensating
for the loss of your mouth,
to find out this robot's weaknesses!
Look.
Meatwad's mind-linking with the robot.
I love Jesus!
And I love betting on sports and wearing women's shoes!
I'm crazy about it!
His weaknesses are gambling and feet!
Hurry! Tell me what his weaknesses are!
Gambling and feet! Gambling and feet!
Why are you being so stubborn?!
He ain't got no mouth. Frylock, make him tell me!
He ain't got no mouth, Shake!
And that's our biggest problem right now.
It's what I've been telling you over and over.
Ugh!
I'm just gonna sit down until you feel like helping.
Now hang...
As I whip your sin-soaked skin right off of your ribs!
Deceivers!
I am not comfortable with the
religious undertones here!
Ow. Aw, shoot.
I hammered him to the short side again.
Forgive me, lord.
All the sides are the same
because it's a plus sign...
For addition, so s&p won't --
Won't what?
Let us tell the truth about how he died
and suffered for all of our sins? No.
Won't let us hang from it
unless it looks like a plus sign.
Oh. Shit! Shit! Shit!
This is really throwing me off my game now.
Excuse me for just a moment. You just stand there,
hammered to the holy cr-- uh, plus sign.
Huh?! Hey Jimmy,
I'd like to put $10,000
on, uh, something that I may or may not win,
if it's a game or a race or whatever's happening today.
I don't care.
Shh. Shh. Guys, I'm going. I'm going to it.
I'm -- I'm going for it.
Well, I don't know, Jimmy. You pick for me.
I don't know a lot about betting,
but I'm just feeling lucky today!
Lincoln links lynx: Hyah! Jesus, I'm coming!
'Bout damn time.
I-I-I was waiting for the precise moment.
Precision! Accuracy!
Knock the crap out of that milkShake.
Hyah! Aah!
Why the hell did you do that? I don't know.
I-I had a hunch.
I mean, m-m-maybe it was some kind of
double-cross situation we were in.
We're -- we're all still friends, right, guys?
Presbobot! My presentation!
Oh, hell! They're mind-linking!
In the name of all that's holy,
destroy them!
Destroy who? Those assholes over there!
You'd know if you ever looked
up from your fartin' smartphone!
Oh, you better run...
...Because he's gonna chase you!
Isn't that right, Toby?
Or should I say...
Metalli-Toby?
Formed in my own image!
The created becomes the creator!
No, no, no! No no! No!
No! No! No!
Help!
Help!
Now, you won't be able to run
if you have too many shields.
Hey, Toby.
I can't breathe!
No! Somebody help me, please!
He can't breathe!
Help! Help!
Get him out of there! Hey, somebody, help me!
No! No!
He's dying in front of me, and it's my fault!
Oh, God, no!
Uh, we should go. Oh, oh, go!
Yeah, let's go! Let's go.
B-- yeah, before we even get to the mouth!
You know what? Let's just leave it.
We'll find another one.
Ow!
This wa-- this was nothing similar
to what we agreed to,
not even -- even near in the same u-- galaxy.
Well, we -- we -- we did have an adventure, right?
I mean, we did some things.
There was a robot, and there were lasers.
No! No! No!
You better have a real adventure right now
of the kick-ass kind
so the fools will watch!
Okay, okay, okay! Calm down, man.
We could do... A space adventure maybe.
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Just let me think for a second.
What about if we get an alien
to bust out of this turdball's chest?
No, he don't want that. That's got legs, right?
We're not doing that!
I want aliens and lasers right goddamn now!
All right, fine. Yeah. Let's do that.
Oh, no! Exciting alien attack!
Hurry! To the ship!
That was exciting, right?
Does that work for you or what?
An 18-hour shoot for this?!
It could have been broken up over two days!
What low-rent operation are you running here?!