Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 15 - Érase un anillo - full transcript
Doesn't the tree look nice?
Here! Put that over there on the right
Don't you think it's already got enough decorations?
No, I'll go home and find a lovely Father Christmas I've got
to put it on the top
Oh Juan, just wait till your sister comes round on Christmas Eve!
She's gonna be blown away!
I don't think it's environmentally-friendly to have a real tree
This is a living thing that's been killed and must have left a wife and baby trees behind
Don't worry, it's only a nursery tree
But it's gonna sit here shedding leaves all day long and they have to be swept up
Nowadays they sell these plastic trees that open up like an umbrella
and they're a marvel
Emilio, Christmas is coming! It's the most wonderful time of the year
The neighbours will see the tree and get a feeling of joy
and love for their fellow man
Look, here come the 3 queens
God, what the hell have they put up here! It's so tacky!
How are we supposed to get to the letter boxes now?
Look what he spends our money on! As if there weren't things that needed fixing
See? They looked happier to me
Sure, filled with joy, they were
Dad! You're really ready to sell some books today, huh?
Can we talk in private for a minute?
Yeah, sure
Son, I need to stay with you for a while
Your mother and I have broken up
What!
Don't worry, we reached a mutual understanding
She kicked me out of the house and I said ok
This can't be happening, you two really love each other
There's another man in the picture, an aerobics teacher with who knows what package
But you can't break up after all this time!
You've been married 40 years
How could anyone wanna hit on your mother with the way she looks?
This country's going to the dogs
Well look, don't worry, you'll always have me
Come on, give me a hug
Get off, for fuck's sake! That's all I need!
Shit, where am I gonna put these suits? They're gonna get all creased
But Dad, you can't stay here, I'm not allowed to have other people here
Watch your tongue, I'm not people, I'm your father!
Emilio!
Yes, coming
Wait
Watch closely
How does it look?
Like one of those extra-marital roadside motels
Come on Emilio, it's Christmas!
Yeah, just look what lovely things it's bringing me
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's the same
and I couldn't imagine it when I came to this place
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a riot
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
and the caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch my every move
I can't take this place
Put together and give a good shake
a volcano and an earthquake
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Does anyone know what this meeting's for?
No, we were asked to attend as well
Take a seat, we'll start in just a second
Would you like some pieces of marzipan? They're really nice
No thanks
Careful, they're from last year
Hey!
Wow, this is amazing!
It looks more like a theme park than a nativity scene
I'm still putting the final touches on it
I've ordered a little shepherd fishing with a rod and everything. It's a work of art
Right but if the shepherd's fishing, the sheep will escape
- Hi! - Hi!
Hello, come in. Take a seat there at the back, behind me
No, I've got a sheepdog over here that's monitoring the area
Yeah but look, that's where the 3 Kings are coming from
and camels frighten dogs
The 3 Kings have to come this way, from the other side
No, wrong, because this bridge wasn't designed for camels
Well in that case the flock needs to be on the other side of the river, right?
Who cares, Emilio! It's only a model!
Alright, alright, but I still reckon that's not a good route for the camels
Are we gonna start or what? Because I've got a date
No propaganda! Just tell us what's broken and how much we've gotta pay
No, it's not that at all
The purpose of this meeting is quite different
What's she doing here? She's not a homeowner!
Hey, I was asked to come!
I don't get why she's here either
Relax, I invited her
Right, first of all, at this special time I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas
- Thanks - Thanks a lot
Next item!
I'll be finished in just a second
The end of the year is drawing near and now's the time to take stock and...
No, please! Not another one of your Christmas speeches!
Let my husband finish if you don't mind
I'm aware that in recent months
there's been the odd bit of friction between us
allegations, acts of aggression, insults...
in short, all minor matters which are completely normal within a shared building
Who did that?
Come on, show a bit of respect! Anyone who doesn't want pieces of marzipan, don't throw them at the president
That could have hurt me!
Carry on Juan! I'll watch them
An idea has ocurred to me which I believe to be quite good, if not brilliant
in order to improve relations between neighbours
and create bonds at such a wonderful and important time of year
We're all going to play Secret Santa!
Sorry!
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me!
Er Juan, don't take this the wrong way
but I think we're a bit old for that kind of silly game, don't you?
No, I think it could be really good
Sure! It's a lovely initiative
and end of discussion!
But how do you play Secret Santa?
Is it like Hide and Seek?
No, look, I'll explain. There are 6 slips of paper in this salad bowl
corresponding to the 6 flats
Each householder takes a slip and has to give a present to the property that they pull out
Then we'll place the presents under the tree in the hall and open them
How exciting!
Señor Juan, who's gonna give to me?
Emilio, you're the caretaker. This is only for residents
Ah, charity sure starts at home round here
Juan, I'm not saying your intentions aren't good
but this is the first time I've ever heard of neighbours doing this
That's the problem with snobs
They love to show off their money but they're so cheap
At least I throw away the leftover chocolate from one Christmas to the next
and don't offer it to guests later down the line
You've got no class! Your dad can't have spent any of his money on your upbringing!
Oh give it a rest, Paloma! Stop being so bitter about the life you lead
What do you know about my life, you spoilt baby
Hey, hey, hey, come on!
We spend all year moaning about our problems and how badly we get along
The one time this man has a good idea, let's not cut it to pieces!
Surely we can make an effort, it's not that hard
it's just one present
I've got no money
It's the thought that counts, not how much you spend
Alright, peace and goodwill
let's deal out the slips because at the end of the day Mauri's right
Thank you for your support
Emilio, proceed
Pass round the salad bowl
Hey, this is so much fun
Can I come again?
Sure, I used to the gym until I discovered that here I get more of an adrenalin rush
No Roberto, I'm not buying anything
It was just bad luck, it can't be helped
Nice job, that's some eye you've got
5 flats to choose between and you pull out the slip for 2A
Well, so what? We'll have to give them something, won't we?
But there's no way I can give a present to Paloma
to someone who I know hates me
It's not to Paloma, it's to the whole flat
Oh ok, look then
to the president who since we arrived has done nothing but make our life a misery
to Jose Miguel who only comes up here to nick your video games
to Natalia...well she's easy to give to
cos I can put a bow on your head like this
one of those Christmas flowers and leave you outside her door
Well, they must have some good points
What good points?
I said they MUST have, not that I know what they are
Jose Mi's alright, he's a mate
No! You can buy them something if you like
I'm too busy with the wedding
Alright, I'll take care of it
Hi Roberto
Hi!
Clara!
Ready?
Yeah, I'll grab my handbag and we'll go
Where are you off to?
To look at wedding dresses. My sister knows some great shops
Oh but I thought we were gonna plan the wedding together
You can't come to choose the wedding dress!
You can't see it. It's bad luck
Don't worry, honey, relax
Well? Are you excited?
Yeah, lots
You know I was gonna get married too, right?
Yeah, Lucía said something about it not working out in the end
Right
5 years of your life spent dating the man of your dreams
but he goes to the States to do a Masters and the bastard never comes back
Maybe he flunked the exams
No he didn't
I had the wedding all planned, all the invitations sent out
It's humiliating, right?
Well, these things happen
Yeah, but they won't happen again
at least not in my family
I don't know if you take my meaning. You wouldn't be planning on doing a Masters, would you?
No, I know what I want
I'm not gonna back out
Sure you won't. That's why I'm here, to stop that happening
But you don't need stop anything. I love Lucía lots
Sure you do. The poor thing's still waiting for her engagement ring, though
Oh! She hasn't said anything to me about it
She shouldn't have to
Were you waiting for her to write it for you in her letter to Santa or what?
No, I know what your game is
Marry, grab the money and run
I realised that when you came to Mallorca last summer
You liked our villa, right?
What are you going on about!
Right, shall we go?
Yeah
Hey Roberto, you're looking really well, it was so nice to see you
Bye honey, I'll call you later
How's everything going?
Great, and you? You're getting married!
Grab the money and run?
Wait till you see the ring I'm gonna give her!
Smartass!
Alicia, wait till you hear the latest about the neighbours...
Hey babe! What are you doing here?
Hi darling!
Hang on, something doesn't make sense here
Why am I doing the cleaning while you're making out? It ought to be the other way round
Alicia, we need to buy Concha a present
Good one!
No, seriously
The president got it into his head to have a Secret Santa with all the neighbours
And you know how much getting presents, window shopping
and all that crap pisses me off
I hate Christmas presents, they do my head in
Damn! Well I bought you a little something
Really? What?
No, I won't bother with it now
Come on, Carlos! Give it to me
WAP, ringtones, bluetooth, infrared, built in camera
Only the best for my favourite PR assistant
Oh, and I think they can even make phone calls
The more things you have, the faster they break
Hey, what are we gonna give Concha?
How do I know!
Seriously, I don't know how you can live in this place
The Beckhams beat us to the detached house we liked
Listen Belén, why don't we rent a place together?
Just like that
But...I thought you lived with your parents
Right, what better reason could there be for leaving home?
We can find a homely, love nest
like a duplex apartment, even if there's no swimming pool
I don't know
Let me think about it
Well to be honest, I don't know what there is to think about
so while I was it, I found us a flat
The pictures are on your phone. Give me an answer tomorrow, ok?
I'm off cos I've got therapy
Oh, I'll call you in a bit to see how my voice sounds
See you later
Damn! It's got a gym!
And check out the terrace!
Oh my God!
Hang on, you can't move in with him!
You've only been dating for a fortnight. You should think carefully about it
You're right
I've thought about it now. Let me call him
What, are you gonna leave me all on my own?
Hey, don't make me feel guilty
How am I supposed to pay the rent without you?
Find another flatmate
and working a little bit wouldn't do you any harm at all
What about poor Emilio?
Don't bring Emilio into this!
Think about it Belén, this guy's kinda weird
He's handsome, smart, rich, and he wants to date you
Can't you see that something doesn't fit?
The only thing that doesn't fit is that no man has ever done this for you
because they're not good enough for me
You're right, it is a bit rushed
but I've got time to think about it
and I'm gonna think on it rationally
Shit, it's got a jacuzzi! Oh my God!
Every time I go in the kitchen, it brings me bad luck
This proves it
Emilio's right. I'll put the 3 Kings here
and the bridge on the other side. Of course!
Dad, the Kings have to come from the east
If you put them there, they're coming from the west. It's obvious!
God, this is hard!
Juan, you don't use this, do you?
Right, now we've got a present for the ones on the first floor then
You can't give that lamp to Fernando and Mauri!
It cost me 3 euros!
What did Mauri say? That it's the thought that counts
Well this is a nice thought and a very useful present because gays read a lot
Paloma, we don't know that they're gay!
Yes they are. You might be smart but you're so naive
Me naive!
The kids trick you at your school and they're 7 years old!
No, they're 8 going on 9!
some of them have already started to get hair on their legs
Well trust me, the gays will love this
and we can get rid of old junk at the same time
I'll carry on looking to see if I can find a present for your sister
And if I take away the bridge, how will the workers get through?
They'll drown
God, what a stupid problem
We can't give the neighbours across the hall a Ludo board!
Why not? They're retired, I reckon they'll love it
It's so cheap!
I'll hang my head with shame if we give them this bit of cardboard and these pieces of plastic
Look at the dice, they won't even be able to read the numbers!
Look, you know I'm really not into the whole Christmas present thing
I'm not gonna make life difficult for myself with this rubbish!
You're so persuasive when you get all romantic on me!
I hope you put a bit more time and effort into my present
Yeah, it's on the way
I guessed as much cos I've turned the house upside down and can't find it
Right well I'm giving them the Ludo
If they don't like it, I'll give them the receipt and they can swap it
That's it, don't you give another thought to those sad, lonely, elderly ladies
It's only a present!
No, it's more than that!
It's a reflection on the way this society casts aside the elderly
as if they were no longer any use for anything
Well I for one am going to give them a lovely present!
so they can see there are young people who love them and care about them
What a talking-to you've just given me!
Those poor ladies will be so excited to get their present
and you show up with...cheapskate! You're a cheapskate!
Marisa! What do you think they'll give us?
A convertible or a villa in Marbella!
I'm being serious
Well any old shit, what do you expect?
Right, Santander versus Osasuna?
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,000
X because you've got no idea
Málaga versus Mallorca?
Hey, don't you think giving a betting slip to the girls upstairs is kinda strange?
No, I think it's original!
They're always moaning that they're potless, aren't they?
Well if they win, we'll have set them up for life
Anyway, this isn't just any old betting slip. I got them 3 doubles and 1 triple!
But won't that be really expensive?
Yeah well I made a mistake and couldn't be bothered to change it
Emilio, I'm hungry, what have you got to eat?
What the fuck! Get a couple of eggs out and make yourself an omelet!
Do you think if I knew how to cook, I'd have stayed at home with your mother or what?
God you're liberal! Well I don't have time to cook for you
Some son fate's dealt me!
I'll have to manage somehow
Oh by the way, this came for you
Since when do you receive humanitarian aid?
What, no! This is so millions of children can go to school
and at the same time wish people a Merry Christmas
So you're looking after kids who you don't even know
while your own father's starving to death right in front of you!
Could you be any less supportive? Go on, give me my UNICEF card
and make me an omelet as well
Go on!
Emilio! Can we talk for a second?
What's up?
Carlos has asked Belén to move in with him
Really?
Well I hope they move in, live happily together
have 6 kids and get a job for life in a supermarket
What, don't you care?
No, I'm over it now
Belén and me are friends
What are you going on about!
You've gotta do something. Belén's still got feelings for you, trust me
How do you know? Has she talked about me?
No, not as such but she talks in her sleep
Oh, what does she say?
She says "Emilio, darling, keep going baby, don't stop, keep going!"
you know, all the usual stuff you say in your sleep
Well look, I don't care what she says
If she wants to go off with him, let her! I've got enough on my plate here
You put oil in to fry, right?
Hang on Dad, you'll burn something, I'm coming
Sorry Alicia, I've gotta go
Fuck, this doesn't look good! I'll have to see what I can come up with
What's this supposed to be!
I dunno, an omelet
Yeah, my parents have split up
So who's got custody of you?
I'm the one with custody of my dad, he's stuck in my flat
Married life is so complicated!
They've had us all fooled, Paquito
with all those children's stories and romantic films
They lived and lived together happily ever after. Bollocks! They all pissed each other off!
What's up, boys?
Look what I've bought
What do you think?
Nice, right?
Well I like you too, Roberto
but I think it's a bit too soon for us to take this step
It's for Lucía, man!
You don't say!
Fuck it looks fancy, man. Is it a good one?
I hope so, it cost me 2,300 euros
Shit, that must have hurt, what a rip off!
Some people are making tons of money out of love
What, does it make you invisible when you put it on or something?
White gold with sparkling diamonds
A jewel to last a lifetime
What's that other thing?
Oh, this is for the Secret Santa. It's a candle holder for your parents
Sure, you ran out of budget
I'm gonna go wrap it
Tonight I'll give it to Lucía
Take it back while there's still time!
Why are you so cynical?
I dunno, maybe I need some vitamins or something
God, I'm being an asshole
Shit!
Fuck, wrapping this is hard
Next time, I'll get the shopgirl to do it
Ok, and how's this?
Perfect
Hi honey!
No, hang on a sec, you can't look
To the bedroom!
What's wrong?
I'm in the middle of something
Come on, don't stop please, keep moving
I can smell a present in here!
Go on! It'll just be for a second
Look! Check out the ring I bought for your sister
Nice, right?
Yeah, it's alright I guess
What do you mean alright?
This isn't alright, it's the dog's bollocks!
Yeah, it's a good ring
a bit old-fashioned, dull and samey but that's just my opinion
Maybe Lucía will like it
The thing is she prefers things that aren't the norm
that's why she's dating you
Well, the girl who sold it to me loved it
Ah, so you were checking out the shop girl?
No! She was giving me her advice
What, you needed to get advice about this?
No, I'm the one who picked it out
So what interested you so much about the shop girl?
Listen, excuse me for a second, ok
We didn't find any wedding dresses
but look, I bought these boots. Do you like them?
Yeah, erm....listen, I wanted to talk to you
How's it going with my sister?
That's what I wanted to talk to you about
Isn't she lovely? You've no idea how much she likes you
- Really? - Really!
Er yeah, she seems likes a nice person
I'm so happy that you get along so well, Roberto, seriously
It's really important to me
Right, because you're really close, right?
Yeah, and she's so excited about my wedding!
Poor thing, after all that she went through
But she must be over that by now, surely
Oh by the way, she said tomorrow she wants to go shopping with you
to see about your suit
No, you know I'd rather go alone. I like to choose my clothes myself
Come on Roberto, you mum buys everything you wear
That's why I wanna start to fend for myself
Go on, let her go with you
It'll make her so happy
Right, her and me both
See Emilio
Look how the neighbours have responded
Human beings will never cease to surprise me
This is the Christmas spirit at work. It makes us all better people
Sorry if I'm not excited but as there's no present for me...
Relax Emilio, you'll get your Christmas bonus like every year
Right, last year I used that to buy a case for my phone
Exactly, joy to all men
You have no idea!
Let the neighbours know that we're going to proceed to open the presents
Oh, sorry I nearly fell over there
Wait a minute please
I'll just put the tape in and we'll be ready
You're not going to film this, are you, Señor Juan?
I can't stand getting given stuff by people I hardly know
Why not?
Because the presents tend to be horrible and then, to cap it all off, you have to pretend
and you end up making a stupid face
Receiving presents is always nice, Fernando. What's wrong with you!
Right, ready!
Let's start opening...
Roberto and Lucía aren't here!
Well, I've bought them something really nice
Sure, they haven't shown up because they haven't bought anything
No Paloma, Roberto gave me this for us
Oh, are they the ones giving to us then?
I shudder to think what we'll get!
Ok, let's start opening the presents
Right, let's go
But one at a time because I want to record it
No Juan, first Fernando and Mauri because that's our one!
Film their faces, their faces!
Ok, I'll start
Let's see, hang on
Thanks a lot
How lovely
It's...it's...
What is it?
It's a lamp for when you read in bed
Look, you clip the book into the stand, see?
Here's the bulb
And look, you'll save yourself the batteries because it plugs into the electricity
Wow, I love it, Paloma
Yeah, and plus, we've always wanted one of these, right?
Yeah, it's very original
And very useful
- Yeah! - Thanks a lot
See? That's the face I was talking about
Well thanks a lot. Come on, film
The clip. Check out the clip
Their faces, Juan, get their faces!
How lovely!
Hurry up, sweetheart, they're waiting for us downstairs
And to be honest, the sooner we get this over with, the better
No, wait!
Sit down
What's wrong?
Nothing, I wanna give you something
No, don't give me my Christmas present cos I haven't bought you anything yet
No, this is way more important than that
Really?
Pay attention because I've prepared everything really well
Lucía, we've been together 3 years and 4 months, which is a long time
although I'm not saying it's dragged!
No, for me it's flown by
But it's a long time and I've come to realise that you're the woman of my dreams
and now we're about to tie the knot
and in all this time, well, wonderful things have happened to us
as well as less wonderful things. Let's not kid ourselves
But at the end of the day, the good stuff is what you're left with
and that..that's the important thing
What on earth possessed you to give me a walking stick!
Well I noticed that you have trouble going down the stairs, so...
That's because this man won't fix the lift!
Are you calling me decrepit?
No, it's the youngest model they had in the store
Come on, Doña Concha, it's the thought that counts
Anyway, what are you moaning about? I've been given a betting slip
A very original one with 3 doubles and 1 triple
No, my lamp's more original. Who else do you know with one of them at home?
Nobody, nobody
Right, whose turn is it because this is still recording
Us! We haven't opened our presents
Wow, an ashtray!
No! It's a unique piece, a work of art
Bohemian crystal
It's a limited edition with a certificate of authenticity. Look
if you hold it behind the light, you'll see...
Oh Marisa! A ludo board!
Wow, ludo! Hold this for me
Concha, ludo!
Look, you put the shakers here
What's our present then, Paloma?
Oh Juan, this is no fake jewellery
This is the real deal, God this is the real deal!
White gold and diamonds
A gift of a lifetime
You mean you got a diamond ring and I got a stick
Well, we'd best be off home with this lamp, here
Yeah because we can't wait to try it out
Err, err thanks very much
You're welcome. Happy Christmas!
Happy Christmas!
It is a little loose on me, I'll have to get it fixed
Let me see it
It's my own, my love, my precious
It came to me
And now I know that having a partner means making a commitment
because I'd never reflected on that before
I used to just go out with someone and live life for the moment
But this is something completely different
And you've changed me as a person
Now I think I'm more grown up
and now I can see that by getting married, we're gonna build something strong
because we've already been through so much
Yeah honey, actually I think you've gone over all of it
Am I boring you?
No, you're stressing me out. Give me whatever it is now
Ok
I love you lots
Here
I'm so excited! What is it? Give me a clue
Oh, how...how nice, it's a candle holder, right?
Er yeah but no...
No, it's lovely, Roberto
To be honest, you've really surprised me
Give me a kiss, honey
No, it's not this, they must have got mixed up in the store or...
Fuck!
What's wrong?
Wait a second while I go down and see how everything's going
Shall I come with you?
No, you stay here, it won't take a minute
A candle holder!
No, this can't be happening!
Let's see
Oh Roberto! Thanks so much, what a present you got for my wife!
Hey, isn't that the ring you were gonna give...
Yeah
Well you don't know what you've done
- Hi - Hi! Give me a kiss!
You know, my Juan worships me but he's never given me a gift like this before
Listen, tell Lucía that she's got a friend in me for anything at all
No, look, there's been a mistake
Of course there's been a mistake! Because you 2 are nice people
It's just that you got the wrong idea about us
I want the snob to give to me too
The drawing of the slips was rigged, there wasn't even a notary
I think we should collect all the presents and draw slips again
You're just jealous! The jealousy's eating away at you from the inside! This is for me, isn't it?
See! Come on, back to your homes to enjoy your presents
and Juan film, film all this, film me
Look, your present's in that bag
It's a little something for Lucía and you to use in bed
In bed?
Ah! A hot water bottle
Thanks a lot, what a thoughtful present
Tell Lucía I like rings too but I prefer necklaces
just in case she's gonna do presents for New Year's
Nice bit of business there, man!
That's some present she's landed you with, I reckon it's second hand
This takes the biscuit! I end up broke and to top it all off, I go and give the ring to your mum!
To my mum? But I thought my sister was the one you were into
You can't get enough of my family, can you?
Your kids will bear the surname Cuesta, man
I'm telling you it was Lucía's sister
she switched the presents, the bitch!
Come off it, man! You must have mixed them up when wrapping them
No, dammit! They were in the wrong boxes!
She's doing my fucking head in, seriously!
She's messing with my head
Well tell Lucía
I can't tell her I can't stand her sister!
She loves her loads
Women play havoc with our minds
I swear, sometimes I feel like being gay
Alright, relax, only sometimes
Well what now? You need to get it back
it cost you 2 thousand euros
Good luck telling my mum, she's gonna have it bad for you!
I need to talk to your dad to see if he can do something
What a shitshow!
Santa's certainly been good to you this year!
So I try to be original, I find and give away a unique collection piece
with all my love and what do they give us in return?
A shitty lamp which I've tried and doesn't even hold the book
This is a swindle
This is more like Secret Satan than Secret Santa
Well I don't know who it was that said it was the thought that counts
Well appreciate the thought!
You're enjoying this
Yeah, make no mistake about it
Hi, we just wanted you to know that we love your present
You've left us speechless
See Fernando?
The ludo board is great
and I'm crazy about the little hole it's got for the shakers
But what about the other one, the unique piece of Bohemian crystal...
Do you fancy coming to play a game with us? To try it out
Not right now!
Sure we will! How could we miss trying out the present which has had so much success?
Right then, come to our place because I've got chinchon! Bugsy being red!
Bugsy being green!
Come on Mauri! Let's play!
That sense of humour is what made me fall for him
4. I take you and count 20
Right but 20, not 30 like last time
I'm going senile, that's the thing!
Madam, is it absolutely essential for you to smoke during the game?
Yes
Fine, smoke then, but turn this music of
The tape player belongs to Vicenta so tell her
Vicenta, it's your go!
Here are the peanuts to nibble on
I don't believe it!
It turns out both of us gave them useful things after all
Hang on, what do you mean it wasn't for her?
Yeah! That's the engagement ring I bought for Lucía
I made a mistake with the packages
Right, but can't we leave things the way they are?
You're joking! I need to get it back at all costs
Do you know how much that ring was?
Don't tell me
2,300 euros
Fucking hell! Well you don't know what you've done
It'd be easier to take Gibraltar away from the English
Well I don't know, talk to her
No, I'm not doing any talking, I'd rather take it off her and let her think she's lost it
Thanks a million, Señor Cuesta, seriously
Try and take a bit better care of your stuff next time!
What a mess!
Ah, what are you doing Juan? What time is it?
I've got a coughing fit all of a sudden
Can't you sleep or something?
No, I've got a bit of an upset stomach
What do you expect? That's what you get from eating so much
Go and take some bicarbonate of soda
Yeah, I need some
Go on
Good news Roberto, I've recovered the ring
Ok, give it to me then
The thing is there's a slight problem...I swallowed it
What!
Yeah but everything's under control
I called the clinic and they told me there's nothing to worry about
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me! What are we gonna do now?
Wait, give me a few more hours
Ah, take the box, I do have that. I'll keep you updated, ok?
Yeah please, if there's any developments...
Yeah
Juan, I can't find the ring, have you seen it?
No
Jose Miguel, this isn't one of your bad jokes, is it?
What are you chatting about!
Sweetheart, couldn't you have left it somewhere without realising?
No Juan, I didn't take it off
But I remember you taking it off to do the washing up
That's true! So it must be in the kitchen then
Or maybe you dropped it or it slipped off because it was a bit too big for you
Well I haven't left the house, so it has to be around here somewhere
Help me find it, come on!
Yes
Can we talk for a second?
Make it quick because I'm in a hurry
Look at her! How nice she looks ever since she became a PR girl
What are you doing?
I want something to remember that jealous face by
Well take another one of Emilio, I was just with him and the poor bloke's really down
What's wrong with him?
What do you think!
He's gutted cos he heard you might be leaving
And to make things worse, you're being so cold towards him
I'm sorry, I don't wanna hurt anyone
He told me he'd really like to take you out to dinner tonight
since he's never taken you anywhere
and well, he doesn't wanna have to live with that regret
Right but I've already got plans for tonight
Yeah I told him you're really busy and you'll take a raincheck
But...is he really in a bad way?
You've got no idea! His dad has had to come to help him pull through
I think one final meal together as friends would be really good for him
but if you don't have time, too bad for him
Well maybe I could call Carlos and meet him tomorrow instead
Done! I'll go tell Emilio
He's gonna be so excited
God my life has changed! I've got Alicia being my secretary
Hey, been out shopping, have we?
Yeah, my butler's got the flu at the moment
Right! See you later
Bye beautiful!
Dad, I told you not to leave the flat because someone could see you
God that girl's hot!
Girl! She's 72 years old!
But check out that body, now that's a proper butt she's got
Come off it! That's all bone, no flesh
Well I'm gonna make my move and see what happens
Don't even think about it!
Emilio, good news! Tonight you're going out for dinner with Belén
No, I'm not interested
I am
Dad!
Listen, she's going away but she looks sad and why's that?
Because she's into you
Right but if she's into me, why's she going off with him?
Because you're clumsy
Yeah, he's been like that ever since he was young
You've never taken her anywhere
This is your chance and she's there for the taking, you just need to make the first move
It's the man who always has to make the first move, Emilio
That's why it's standard for us to take a beating
Ok, I'll go but just to do the poor girl a good turn
Where shall I take her then?
Look, call this restaurant, it's out of this world!
Every time a man's taken me there, I've ended up in bed with him
- Wow! - Write down what you ate then
Listen, it's a fancy place, so wear a suit and a tie or you won't get in
But I haven't got a suit
You haven't but I have, I'll lend you one that will have her eating out of your hands
I've sold tons of encyclopedias in it
Go on, call Belén and arrange to meet her
I'm nervous
Coming
Don't answer whatever you do!
- What's wrong? - It's them with the ludo, switch off the light
Relax man! I don't think...
Mauri! Fernando! We can hear you!
It's them
I told you!
- Hi - Hi
We're here for the rematch
We've brought chinchon and the cassette from the other day
The essentials
Ok we'll play but just for a little while because we've got things to do later
That's what you always say but then you start playing
and the day just passes you by
Right, we'll set ourselves down here, shall we?
Hey, if we killed them, that would be euthanasia, wouldn't it?
Mauri, please!
It's lovely, it's got the song about the virgin cleaning
Ah! Of course
No, it's great
What's happened here!
Nothing, I think Mum's doing a DIY correspondence course
Paloma, are you alright?
It must have slipped into the pipes
That's the only explanation, Juan
Sweetheart, if it doesn't turn up, it doesn't turn up. We'll have to accept it
No Juan, I know it's here! I can feel its presence
Give me that wrench
No! I need to keep looking, it's my own, my love, my precious!
Give that here
Get off!
Mum, I've found it, it's here
- Where? - No, just kidding!
You wait till I get my hands on you!
Come on, he's just a child!
Promise me we'll raise the next one properly, Juan!
I promise
What's going on, Dad? Are you gonna change the kitchen again?
No way! We're still paying for this one
1, 2, 3. I win!
Oh, that sure made your faces drop!
Right well we've played 4 games now
I think that's enough for one day, don't you?
You're right, Ludo gets boring after a while
Sure, we need a LOO-BREAK
This lady cracks me up
Right well we're off then
Oh look, Snakes and Ladders!
Listen, let's have a game of that and that way we can finish off the chinchón, right?
She must have been breastfed chinchón as a baby
Do you remember? Along the corridor and up the stairs
What was the other one?
Climb the steps and go down the slide
That's it! Let's see who gets to go first
6! I start! I start
Great, she gets to start
Alright! How was it, did you find anything?
Come off it!
No, nothing fits that strange body he's got
What's strange about my body?
No, that came out wrong
I mean morning coats don't suit him
I'd put a suit on him
Ok
But I wanted to go in a suit, not looking like a penguin
Ok, alright, we've got time. We'll keep looking
Listen, I'm going downstairs for a second because I'm expecting the bank's Christmas card
and I can't wait to open it
Ok honey
- Lucía - Yeah
I don't know if I'm imagining things but Roberto seems kinda stressed out about the wedding
Really? Well you'll never guess what he did yesterday
He reeled off this impressive speech about commitment and marriage
only to end up giving me this
What's that?
A mini candle holder!
Poor thing! I ended up having to put it here to make him think I like it
Well as an engagement present it's kinda cheap, let alone retarded
but I guess Roberto has other qualities, right?
He's not a thoughtful guy, that much is obvious, but he's cute
- He's cute, right - Yeah
He told me he'd bought something else but they made a mistake in the store
Right, that's cos he saw your face and came up with that excuse
Don't be surprised if now he shows up with a ring or something else to fix things
Oh sis, do you think we make a good couple?
- Yeah - Yeah? - Yeah
You've always been into weirdos, Lucía
Well, how's our thing going?
I still can't go
Come on, man!
This always happens to me. When I get nervous, it won't happen
All the stress goes to my stomach
Have some fibre or kiwis or something
Lucía's kinda pissed because I gave her a tacky present
Hey, don't pressurise me! I've got enough problems as it is
My wife's taking apart the house in search of the ring
and I feel bad because I know where it is but I can't tell her
Well you just relax and focus on what you need to do
Relax!
Mauri, I don't think the president is to blame for what's happening to us
Look, I can put up with being tortured with ludo
and with the smoking but that music with those infernal voices
and those infuriating lyrics
I was darning and darned myself out, I darned a darn and then took it back out
what the fuck is that about!
I prefer karaoke, at least that doesn't mean anything
Well I don't know who once told me that they were 2 poor, elderly ladies
who were sad and lonely
No, I say loads of stupid stuff
Right, where's Santa?
What's wrong?
Those 2 ladies are driving us round the bend!
Nice one with your idea to give presents!
Come on, please, don't stress him out
It's just that Marisa and Vicenta are being a bit annoying with the ludo
You shouldn't have given it to them then! How's that my fault?
Tonight they wanna have another game and you're gonna go down and play with them
Maybe that will help you with your trouble
That way you can disconnect
Do you think so?
Oh, by the way, tell your wife that her plastic lamp doesn't work
He's a bit sore about the present
Right
Bye
No, relax, relax
Belén, come on, show a bit of respect, I've booked a table!
I'm here now, you killjoy!
Well, aren't you gonna say anything to me?
About what?
About how I look
Oh yeah, very nice, let's go
Here, get on, put the helmet on
We're not going on the bike in this bitter cold, are we?
Hey, I didn't see you complaining in the convertible the other day
Because the seats have heating
Well hold on to the exhaust pipe
Fuck, you've got posh in a couple of weeks!
Alright, calm down, let's get the evening off to a good start
Go on, get on
Now I've gotta put the helmet on and I'm gonna mess up my hair
Hang on, let me start her
Hold on tight, here we go
You do know how to drive this, right?
Sure I do
Push a bit
No, you don't take me because you got a 3
But I was here!
No, you were here next to the exit
You're such a cheater!
Would you like something to eat? Chocolate, marzipan?
Kiwis! Have you got any kiwis?
Yeah
Well bring out 6 or 7
I don't like kiwis, though
Well you can lump it!
Marisa please, don't move the pieces!
But you 2 are the ones who keep moving the board all the time
Oh well, we're all back at the start, sent back home for Christmas
Wait, wait, wait
Hold on, are you sure we're gonna eat here?
Yeah Belén, life's short
Hello, good evening
Er good evening, we've got a reservation in the name of Emilio
Emilio what else?
No, just Emilio, they didn't ask me for my surname
Yes, here you are. Your coats?
Yeah, they're ours
No, would you like to leave them in the cloakroom?
Er no actually, we came on my motorbike and we're a bit chilly
As you wish, accompany me to your table please
Of course! After you, sweetheart
I bet you weren't expecting this, huh?
You're crazy
This way
Here's your table
Thanks
Here's the menu
Thanks a lot
Enjoy your meal
Thanks very much
Excuse me!
Yes, how can I help?
We need a menu in Spanish
If you look closely, under the first dish it's translated into Spanish
He didn't bring his reading glasses
Well, nice joint, right? Check it out, there are candles and everything
Good evening
No, you've made a mistake, we haven't ordered anything yet
It's an appetiser
Foie gras with cherry jam over a bed of caramelised onion and watercress
Oh great, one of my mum's specialties
What would you like to drink?
Wine! A good wine, though. Don't bring me any old rubbish
If you'll allow me, we have an excellent Ribera del Duero, Gran Reserva
That's the one! That'll do nicely
Hey, take the cork out for us, though, ok?
- Of course sir - Right
Well, do you know what you're gonna order yet?
No, just reading these dishes is hard work
Yeah, hang on...mate!
Emilio, don't take the piss!
Yes sir
Er what's today's special?
No sir, we don't have that here
Well in the long run, you make way more money that way
The head waiter will be here in a moment to take your order
Alright, we'll have to hope we get lucky. What the fuck are we gonna order now?
I told him to open it!
No Emilio, he's showing it to you so you can see it
Let him open it
Oh sorry
Sir
Thanks
An excellent cork, this one
Is that all I get?
It's so that you can try it!
Ah! Right
Red wine, right?
Yes sir
We'll have to let it breathe now
Drink it now!
It's so nice!
we should have gone to a pizza parlour
Just relax and enjoy, dammit. It's my treat
Hey, what's this thing here?
Marmite de coq au vin
Where's the steak and chips on here?
What's that man playing at!
Juan, it's your go!
Leave him, don't pester him, I'll throw for him
I've got it!
We're off ladies, it was a pleasure
See you later
You're going already? But we haven't finished!
Hey, hey!
Take it! I don't want to know anything more about it
Thanks so much, seriously, I owe you one
Juan!
Yes honey
Come and help me move the fridge
Coming!
I'm in way over my head here!
She's not still looking, is she?
Listen, where did you get that blasted ring from?
What are you gonna do?
Oh Juan, there's something shiny! I think I saw it
What do you think?
I can't eat any more, everything was so nice, though
You can't leave the tiramisu
I'm full
We should have brought a tub. Give it here, I'll eat it
Don't do that, Emilio!
Would you like anything else?
No, just the bill
Look Emilio, thanks a lot for the dinner, it's been great
Do you realise this is the first time we've ever gone out somewhere?
When we were dating it was always fight-bedroom, fight-bedroom, fight-bedroom
Yeah, it looks like we're gonna do more stuff as friends than we did as a couple
Hey, shall we hold hands by the candles?
Alright but just for a second
Your bill
Oh thanks
Fucking hell! Hey, excuse me!
Yes sir
You've given us the wrong bill, this must be for the communion party over there at the back
That's your bill, sir
Oh, ok, ok
Take my card
Thank you
Hey, how about going on for a drink somewhere now?
Belén, I've got a problem, I don't have the money to pay this
But you just gave him your card
That was just to buy time
I only brought 90 euros and that's not enough
90 euros! But that's what the wine costs on its own!
Didn't you see the price on the menu?
I thought that was the year of the harvest. Haven't you got any money?
No! 10 euros, that's it
Well we can pay for the coffees with that
Oh no we can't actually!
God Emilio, I'm gonna kill you! What are we gonna do now?
Excuse me sir, there's a problem with your card
What! That's a disgrace!
What's the matter, won't it go through?
No, perhaps it's to do with the fact that it expired in 1999
Ah, sorry, I don't use that card much
Take this other one
That's a points card for a supermarket
Oh, can't you use your points here then?
No sir
Ok, well I'll give you this other card then
It'll be payment by CARDS as you can see
Hey, get a move on, would you, because we're in a hurry
I haven't got any more cards left
Emilio, I wanna die
Look, here's what we're gonna do. We'll make a run for it
What! We can't go without paying!
Yes we can, you go out first. Pretend your mum's called you on your mobile
and there's no signal in here, so you go outside
If I'm not out in 2 minutes, start running and don't look back
But I can't go out talking on the phone with my coat on!
No, I'll get your coat and everything. Right, I'll call you now
No Emilio, I'm so ashamed!
Come on!
I'm gonna kill you!
I swear...I swear I'm gonna kill you
Hello?
Hi mum!
Dad...a heart attack?
What? What? But...
I can't hear you, there's no signal in here. I'll go outside
1, 2, 3!
Are you alright, sir?
Come on, show a bit of respect! Look at the state you've left my jacket in!
Try and be a bit more careful, why do you think all the tourists are going to Greece?
Where's the bathroom?
Over there
Fuck, this mash is slippery!
Vichyssois sir
Vichyssois?
Damn, look at these prices! For something you're only gonna wear for one day
What a rip-off, seriously
Lucía! I called by the store and they gave me the present it was meant to be
Here
A ring, right?
How do you know that?
Sweetheart, you didn't need to buy me anything, really
I was already happy with my candle holder
No, that was for the Cuesta's
It doesn't matter, it's really nice!
No, the candle holder wasn't for you!
Ok darling but I don't want you to have to spend your money against your will
Come on, it was your bloody sister! The bitch switched the presents!
Erm...I mean...sorry but I get the slight impression that...
What did you say!
No, look Lucía, wait...
What did you say!
Ok, look, maybe that came out a bit strong
Let me explain
Ok fine! Your sister's doing my head in!
What are you on about! She worships you and only has good things to say about you
Yeah right! She's making my life a misery!
She's attacking me, pressing me, freaking me out!
I don't know what I've done to that nutjob!
Oh, is she here?
Yeah!
No it's fine, I don't want you to argue because of me
No Clara, seriously, don't go!
Look, I came here to help but if I'm a nuisance...
Of course you're not a nuisance!
The only thing is it would make me so happy to go to your wedding
But you're definitely coming to my wedding!
Oh don't cry, please! Stay here, alright?
Because I need to have words with Roberto!
Lucía, at least open the present and see if you like the ring
Hey, maybe I was a bit out of line, right?
A bit! Do you realise what you just said about my sister?
No, look, all I'm saying is maybe she doesn't need to be so on top of the wedding
She's on top of the wedding because it makes her happy!
My sister got left jilted when she had everything arranged
And that's my fault, is it?
Ok Roberto, fine, let's drop it!
Look, you don't know all the stuff she said to me! Your sister's not right in the head
She's undergoing treatment
Really? Well you might have said something
Since everything with her wedding, she suffers manic-depressive attacks
But are they more manic or more depressive?
Hey, wait, wait!
Ok, fine, I screwed up
But I'll sort this out, don't worry
I'll apologise to her
Hey, look Clara, I'm a bit worked up about the wedding and...
and I said some silly things
but I want you to know that I'm really glad you're helping us
and...and all that
What did I say now?
Nothing
It's just that I'm so lonely and I'm gonna end up so lonely
What do you expect?...I mean, you're bound to feel lonely after what happened
Sweetheart, you'll always have us
It's just that I already lost my boyfriend and I wouldn't like to lose my sister as well
Of course you're not gonna lose me! You can come here whenever you like
Our home is your home
Aw, thanks Roberto
If you ever have kids, I'd like to be able to enjoy them with you
and for us to be a family
Of course!
Yeah
Come on, chin up!
It's freezing!
Damn! What a night!
Hey, I never knew what happened in these situations
The police show up, fill out a report and then let you go home
If I knew that, I would have done it more often
Hey, next time you invite me out for dinner, let's go somewhere cheaper, ok?
Well I wanted it to be really special
No, it was certainly that
Well
Well
What's the phone for?
To take a picture to remember this evening
Wow, what, so your phone takes pictures?
Does mine do that too?
No, your one doesn't
Er...do you wanna come in for a drink?
Ok, but just one, though
Let's go!
Switch that light off! There are people who go to bed early here!
Sorry Belén, I forgot my dad was here
Dad, why don't you go out for a walk? It's a lovely evening
Look I'd better go, I've gotta get up early tomorrow
No, wait, my dad's like a baby, he'll fall asleep in no time
Go to sleep!
Piss off!
No, I'd better be going
Belén wait, don't go!
Come on Dad, show a bit of respect, things were going really well there!
Emilio, will you let me give you some advice from father to son?
Yeah, sure dad
Well fix that toilet tank because it's dripping
and come to bed where it's nice and warm
God I'm cursed! For fuck's sake!
Pain in the ass!
3 doubles, 1 triple, and only 4 right
That's some present they gave us
Alright, how did it go?
Great! Great
Emilio took me on his bike and we froze to death
We had dinner at a lovely restaurant and he had no money
We tried to get away with paying, got caught
The police showed up and we froze to death on the bike again
So you had a great time then, right?
Well yeah, I did actually
See Belén? Emilio's the guy for you
No, Carlos is the one I like. Carlos!
Because he's a normal boyfriend
What, so Emilio's not normal?
Emilio is...he's...Emilio!
And don't mess with my head cos Carlos is coming round tomorrow and I need to tell him if I'm gonna move in with him
And what are you gonna tell him?
Good night
She's so selfish
So we'll see each other on Wednesday then, ok?
Yeah and then we'll go out for dinner, my treat
Bye beautiful
Bye
See you later
Dad? Yeah it's me
Yeah, I was just with them
Great
Yeah relax, he's in way over his head
They won't get married, you'll see
You too, take care
2,300 euros for a ring, I'm done for!
Señor Juan, how's it going?
Listen, I was thinking and you're right, Christmas is lovely because deep down...
Christmas is shit, Emilio, don't let them fool you!
It's a scam and we could all bloody well do without it!
And if I ever get another stupid idea like the Secret Santa
you either tell me or I'll fire you
Is that clear?
Yes señor Juan, yes
It's true that Christmas changes people
I don't get it
Another present? Oh boys, you're so good to us!
Open it, open it!
Oh Marisa look, a chessboard!
For 2 players!
Turn it over
Draughts!
Also for 2 players
That means you won't be able to play
Don't worry, we bought ourselves one as well
Well then, we'll have to try it out
Yeah, that's it, try it out and afterwards let us know you get on
Or don't let us know
No wait, don't go
How do you play it?
So you spent 2 thousand euros on a ring just to stop Mum getting upset?
No more Christmas for us then
All we can put in the letter to Santa now are our names
Show me some support here! Your mother's pregnant
and it's good to give in to some of her cravings
Well now you know what you need to do to get them to buy you a car
Paloma, it's here, we've found it!
Juan, no more jokes, ok!
No, look
Oh my ring! But where was it?
Erm here...next to...
Around here somewhere
Oh thanks a lot, honey! My ring! I'd given up on finding it by now
Well look, here it is
Juan, between this and what you're gonna give me, what a Christmas this is gonna be! What a Christmas!
Yeah, what a Christmas
They've set the bar really high for you, Dad
Who knows what you can surprise her with now
With an ulcer, definitely
Hi!
Hi darling
- Alicia - What's up?
Listen Carlos, about us moving in together...
Quiet, quiet!
I've got a surprise for you, go out on the balcony
Ok, she can go out too
Are you giving me a lorry?
No, they're from the removals company, they're here for your stuff
A van would have been enough
Well then? Are you coming or not?
No! The rook doesn't move like that. Only the bishop and the queen can move diagonally
Is this a bishop?
No, that's a pawn
Do you know why the knight moves in an L shape?
Because it only just passed its driving test
Calm down, Mauri, calm down
You have to be so careful with what you give as a present
Look how much fun she's having all by herself
Here! Put that over there on the right
Don't you think it's already got enough decorations?
No, I'll go home and find a lovely Father Christmas I've got
to put it on the top
Oh Juan, just wait till your sister comes round on Christmas Eve!
She's gonna be blown away!
I don't think it's environmentally-friendly to have a real tree
This is a living thing that's been killed and must have left a wife and baby trees behind
Don't worry, it's only a nursery tree
But it's gonna sit here shedding leaves all day long and they have to be swept up
Nowadays they sell these plastic trees that open up like an umbrella
and they're a marvel
Emilio, Christmas is coming! It's the most wonderful time of the year
The neighbours will see the tree and get a feeling of joy
and love for their fellow man
Look, here come the 3 queens
God, what the hell have they put up here! It's so tacky!
How are we supposed to get to the letter boxes now?
Look what he spends our money on! As if there weren't things that needed fixing
See? They looked happier to me
Sure, filled with joy, they were
Dad! You're really ready to sell some books today, huh?
Can we talk in private for a minute?
Yeah, sure
Son, I need to stay with you for a while
Your mother and I have broken up
What!
Don't worry, we reached a mutual understanding
She kicked me out of the house and I said ok
This can't be happening, you two really love each other
There's another man in the picture, an aerobics teacher with who knows what package
But you can't break up after all this time!
You've been married 40 years
How could anyone wanna hit on your mother with the way she looks?
This country's going to the dogs
Well look, don't worry, you'll always have me
Come on, give me a hug
Get off, for fuck's sake! That's all I need!
Shit, where am I gonna put these suits? They're gonna get all creased
But Dad, you can't stay here, I'm not allowed to have other people here
Watch your tongue, I'm not people, I'm your father!
Emilio!
Yes, coming
Wait
Watch closely
How does it look?
Like one of those extra-marital roadside motels
Come on Emilio, it's Christmas!
Yeah, just look what lovely things it's bringing me
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's the same
and I couldn't imagine it when I came to this place
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a riot
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
and the caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch my every move
I can't take this place
Put together and give a good shake
a volcano and an earthquake
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Does anyone know what this meeting's for?
No, we were asked to attend as well
Take a seat, we'll start in just a second
Would you like some pieces of marzipan? They're really nice
No thanks
Careful, they're from last year
Hey!
Wow, this is amazing!
It looks more like a theme park than a nativity scene
I'm still putting the final touches on it
I've ordered a little shepherd fishing with a rod and everything. It's a work of art
Right but if the shepherd's fishing, the sheep will escape
- Hi! - Hi!
Hello, come in. Take a seat there at the back, behind me
No, I've got a sheepdog over here that's monitoring the area
Yeah but look, that's where the 3 Kings are coming from
and camels frighten dogs
The 3 Kings have to come this way, from the other side
No, wrong, because this bridge wasn't designed for camels
Well in that case the flock needs to be on the other side of the river, right?
Who cares, Emilio! It's only a model!
Alright, alright, but I still reckon that's not a good route for the camels
Are we gonna start or what? Because I've got a date
No propaganda! Just tell us what's broken and how much we've gotta pay
No, it's not that at all
The purpose of this meeting is quite different
What's she doing here? She's not a homeowner!
Hey, I was asked to come!
I don't get why she's here either
Relax, I invited her
Right, first of all, at this special time I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas
- Thanks - Thanks a lot
Next item!
I'll be finished in just a second
The end of the year is drawing near and now's the time to take stock and...
No, please! Not another one of your Christmas speeches!
Let my husband finish if you don't mind
I'm aware that in recent months
there's been the odd bit of friction between us
allegations, acts of aggression, insults...
in short, all minor matters which are completely normal within a shared building
Who did that?
Come on, show a bit of respect! Anyone who doesn't want pieces of marzipan, don't throw them at the president
That could have hurt me!
Carry on Juan! I'll watch them
An idea has ocurred to me which I believe to be quite good, if not brilliant
in order to improve relations between neighbours
and create bonds at such a wonderful and important time of year
We're all going to play Secret Santa!
Sorry!
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me!
Er Juan, don't take this the wrong way
but I think we're a bit old for that kind of silly game, don't you?
No, I think it could be really good
Sure! It's a lovely initiative
and end of discussion!
But how do you play Secret Santa?
Is it like Hide and Seek?
No, look, I'll explain. There are 6 slips of paper in this salad bowl
corresponding to the 6 flats
Each householder takes a slip and has to give a present to the property that they pull out
Then we'll place the presents under the tree in the hall and open them
How exciting!
Señor Juan, who's gonna give to me?
Emilio, you're the caretaker. This is only for residents
Ah, charity sure starts at home round here
Juan, I'm not saying your intentions aren't good
but this is the first time I've ever heard of neighbours doing this
That's the problem with snobs
They love to show off their money but they're so cheap
At least I throw away the leftover chocolate from one Christmas to the next
and don't offer it to guests later down the line
You've got no class! Your dad can't have spent any of his money on your upbringing!
Oh give it a rest, Paloma! Stop being so bitter about the life you lead
What do you know about my life, you spoilt baby
Hey, hey, hey, come on!
We spend all year moaning about our problems and how badly we get along
The one time this man has a good idea, let's not cut it to pieces!
Surely we can make an effort, it's not that hard
it's just one present
I've got no money
It's the thought that counts, not how much you spend
Alright, peace and goodwill
let's deal out the slips because at the end of the day Mauri's right
Thank you for your support
Emilio, proceed
Pass round the salad bowl
Hey, this is so much fun
Can I come again?
Sure, I used to the gym until I discovered that here I get more of an adrenalin rush
No Roberto, I'm not buying anything
It was just bad luck, it can't be helped
Nice job, that's some eye you've got
5 flats to choose between and you pull out the slip for 2A
Well, so what? We'll have to give them something, won't we?
But there's no way I can give a present to Paloma
to someone who I know hates me
It's not to Paloma, it's to the whole flat
Oh ok, look then
to the president who since we arrived has done nothing but make our life a misery
to Jose Miguel who only comes up here to nick your video games
to Natalia...well she's easy to give to
cos I can put a bow on your head like this
one of those Christmas flowers and leave you outside her door
Well, they must have some good points
What good points?
I said they MUST have, not that I know what they are
Jose Mi's alright, he's a mate
No! You can buy them something if you like
I'm too busy with the wedding
Alright, I'll take care of it
Hi Roberto
Hi!
Clara!
Ready?
Yeah, I'll grab my handbag and we'll go
Where are you off to?
To look at wedding dresses. My sister knows some great shops
Oh but I thought we were gonna plan the wedding together
You can't come to choose the wedding dress!
You can't see it. It's bad luck
Don't worry, honey, relax
Well? Are you excited?
Yeah, lots
You know I was gonna get married too, right?
Yeah, Lucía said something about it not working out in the end
Right
5 years of your life spent dating the man of your dreams
but he goes to the States to do a Masters and the bastard never comes back
Maybe he flunked the exams
No he didn't
I had the wedding all planned, all the invitations sent out
It's humiliating, right?
Well, these things happen
Yeah, but they won't happen again
at least not in my family
I don't know if you take my meaning. You wouldn't be planning on doing a Masters, would you?
No, I know what I want
I'm not gonna back out
Sure you won't. That's why I'm here, to stop that happening
But you don't need stop anything. I love Lucía lots
Sure you do. The poor thing's still waiting for her engagement ring, though
Oh! She hasn't said anything to me about it
She shouldn't have to
Were you waiting for her to write it for you in her letter to Santa or what?
No, I know what your game is
Marry, grab the money and run
I realised that when you came to Mallorca last summer
You liked our villa, right?
What are you going on about!
Right, shall we go?
Yeah
Hey Roberto, you're looking really well, it was so nice to see you
Bye honey, I'll call you later
How's everything going?
Great, and you? You're getting married!
Grab the money and run?
Wait till you see the ring I'm gonna give her!
Smartass!
Alicia, wait till you hear the latest about the neighbours...
Hey babe! What are you doing here?
Hi darling!
Hang on, something doesn't make sense here
Why am I doing the cleaning while you're making out? It ought to be the other way round
Alicia, we need to buy Concha a present
Good one!
No, seriously
The president got it into his head to have a Secret Santa with all the neighbours
And you know how much getting presents, window shopping
and all that crap pisses me off
I hate Christmas presents, they do my head in
Damn! Well I bought you a little something
Really? What?
No, I won't bother with it now
Come on, Carlos! Give it to me
WAP, ringtones, bluetooth, infrared, built in camera
Only the best for my favourite PR assistant
Oh, and I think they can even make phone calls
The more things you have, the faster they break
Hey, what are we gonna give Concha?
How do I know!
Seriously, I don't know how you can live in this place
The Beckhams beat us to the detached house we liked
Listen Belén, why don't we rent a place together?
Just like that
But...I thought you lived with your parents
Right, what better reason could there be for leaving home?
We can find a homely, love nest
like a duplex apartment, even if there's no swimming pool
I don't know
Let me think about it
Well to be honest, I don't know what there is to think about
so while I was it, I found us a flat
The pictures are on your phone. Give me an answer tomorrow, ok?
I'm off cos I've got therapy
Oh, I'll call you in a bit to see how my voice sounds
See you later
Damn! It's got a gym!
And check out the terrace!
Oh my God!
Hang on, you can't move in with him!
You've only been dating for a fortnight. You should think carefully about it
You're right
I've thought about it now. Let me call him
What, are you gonna leave me all on my own?
Hey, don't make me feel guilty
How am I supposed to pay the rent without you?
Find another flatmate
and working a little bit wouldn't do you any harm at all
What about poor Emilio?
Don't bring Emilio into this!
Think about it Belén, this guy's kinda weird
He's handsome, smart, rich, and he wants to date you
Can't you see that something doesn't fit?
The only thing that doesn't fit is that no man has ever done this for you
because they're not good enough for me
You're right, it is a bit rushed
but I've got time to think about it
and I'm gonna think on it rationally
Shit, it's got a jacuzzi! Oh my God!
Every time I go in the kitchen, it brings me bad luck
This proves it
Emilio's right. I'll put the 3 Kings here
and the bridge on the other side. Of course!
Dad, the Kings have to come from the east
If you put them there, they're coming from the west. It's obvious!
God, this is hard!
Juan, you don't use this, do you?
Right, now we've got a present for the ones on the first floor then
You can't give that lamp to Fernando and Mauri!
It cost me 3 euros!
What did Mauri say? That it's the thought that counts
Well this is a nice thought and a very useful present because gays read a lot
Paloma, we don't know that they're gay!
Yes they are. You might be smart but you're so naive
Me naive!
The kids trick you at your school and they're 7 years old!
No, they're 8 going on 9!
some of them have already started to get hair on their legs
Well trust me, the gays will love this
and we can get rid of old junk at the same time
I'll carry on looking to see if I can find a present for your sister
And if I take away the bridge, how will the workers get through?
They'll drown
God, what a stupid problem
We can't give the neighbours across the hall a Ludo board!
Why not? They're retired, I reckon they'll love it
It's so cheap!
I'll hang my head with shame if we give them this bit of cardboard and these pieces of plastic
Look at the dice, they won't even be able to read the numbers!
Look, you know I'm really not into the whole Christmas present thing
I'm not gonna make life difficult for myself with this rubbish!
You're so persuasive when you get all romantic on me!
I hope you put a bit more time and effort into my present
Yeah, it's on the way
I guessed as much cos I've turned the house upside down and can't find it
Right well I'm giving them the Ludo
If they don't like it, I'll give them the receipt and they can swap it
That's it, don't you give another thought to those sad, lonely, elderly ladies
It's only a present!
No, it's more than that!
It's a reflection on the way this society casts aside the elderly
as if they were no longer any use for anything
Well I for one am going to give them a lovely present!
so they can see there are young people who love them and care about them
What a talking-to you've just given me!
Those poor ladies will be so excited to get their present
and you show up with...cheapskate! You're a cheapskate!
Marisa! What do you think they'll give us?
A convertible or a villa in Marbella!
I'm being serious
Well any old shit, what do you expect?
Right, Santander versus Osasuna?
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,000
X because you've got no idea
Málaga versus Mallorca?
Hey, don't you think giving a betting slip to the girls upstairs is kinda strange?
No, I think it's original!
They're always moaning that they're potless, aren't they?
Well if they win, we'll have set them up for life
Anyway, this isn't just any old betting slip. I got them 3 doubles and 1 triple!
But won't that be really expensive?
Yeah well I made a mistake and couldn't be bothered to change it
Emilio, I'm hungry, what have you got to eat?
What the fuck! Get a couple of eggs out and make yourself an omelet!
Do you think if I knew how to cook, I'd have stayed at home with your mother or what?
God you're liberal! Well I don't have time to cook for you
Some son fate's dealt me!
I'll have to manage somehow
Oh by the way, this came for you
Since when do you receive humanitarian aid?
What, no! This is so millions of children can go to school
and at the same time wish people a Merry Christmas
So you're looking after kids who you don't even know
while your own father's starving to death right in front of you!
Could you be any less supportive? Go on, give me my UNICEF card
and make me an omelet as well
Go on!
Emilio! Can we talk for a second?
What's up?
Carlos has asked Belén to move in with him
Really?
Well I hope they move in, live happily together
have 6 kids and get a job for life in a supermarket
What, don't you care?
No, I'm over it now
Belén and me are friends
What are you going on about!
You've gotta do something. Belén's still got feelings for you, trust me
How do you know? Has she talked about me?
No, not as such but she talks in her sleep
Oh, what does she say?
She says "Emilio, darling, keep going baby, don't stop, keep going!"
you know, all the usual stuff you say in your sleep
Well look, I don't care what she says
If she wants to go off with him, let her! I've got enough on my plate here
You put oil in to fry, right?
Hang on Dad, you'll burn something, I'm coming
Sorry Alicia, I've gotta go
Fuck, this doesn't look good! I'll have to see what I can come up with
What's this supposed to be!
I dunno, an omelet
Yeah, my parents have split up
So who's got custody of you?
I'm the one with custody of my dad, he's stuck in my flat
Married life is so complicated!
They've had us all fooled, Paquito
with all those children's stories and romantic films
They lived and lived together happily ever after. Bollocks! They all pissed each other off!
What's up, boys?
Look what I've bought
What do you think?
Nice, right?
Well I like you too, Roberto
but I think it's a bit too soon for us to take this step
It's for Lucía, man!
You don't say!
Fuck it looks fancy, man. Is it a good one?
I hope so, it cost me 2,300 euros
Shit, that must have hurt, what a rip off!
Some people are making tons of money out of love
What, does it make you invisible when you put it on or something?
White gold with sparkling diamonds
A jewel to last a lifetime
What's that other thing?
Oh, this is for the Secret Santa. It's a candle holder for your parents
Sure, you ran out of budget
I'm gonna go wrap it
Tonight I'll give it to Lucía
Take it back while there's still time!
Why are you so cynical?
I dunno, maybe I need some vitamins or something
God, I'm being an asshole
Shit!
Fuck, wrapping this is hard
Next time, I'll get the shopgirl to do it
Ok, and how's this?
Perfect
Hi honey!
No, hang on a sec, you can't look
To the bedroom!
What's wrong?
I'm in the middle of something
Come on, don't stop please, keep moving
I can smell a present in here!
Go on! It'll just be for a second
Look! Check out the ring I bought for your sister
Nice, right?
Yeah, it's alright I guess
What do you mean alright?
This isn't alright, it's the dog's bollocks!
Yeah, it's a good ring
a bit old-fashioned, dull and samey but that's just my opinion
Maybe Lucía will like it
The thing is she prefers things that aren't the norm
that's why she's dating you
Well, the girl who sold it to me loved it
Ah, so you were checking out the shop girl?
No! She was giving me her advice
What, you needed to get advice about this?
No, I'm the one who picked it out
So what interested you so much about the shop girl?
Listen, excuse me for a second, ok
We didn't find any wedding dresses
but look, I bought these boots. Do you like them?
Yeah, erm....listen, I wanted to talk to you
How's it going with my sister?
That's what I wanted to talk to you about
Isn't she lovely? You've no idea how much she likes you
- Really? - Really!
Er yeah, she seems likes a nice person
I'm so happy that you get along so well, Roberto, seriously
It's really important to me
Right, because you're really close, right?
Yeah, and she's so excited about my wedding!
Poor thing, after all that she went through
But she must be over that by now, surely
Oh by the way, she said tomorrow she wants to go shopping with you
to see about your suit
No, you know I'd rather go alone. I like to choose my clothes myself
Come on Roberto, you mum buys everything you wear
That's why I wanna start to fend for myself
Go on, let her go with you
It'll make her so happy
Right, her and me both
See Emilio
Look how the neighbours have responded
Human beings will never cease to surprise me
This is the Christmas spirit at work. It makes us all better people
Sorry if I'm not excited but as there's no present for me...
Relax Emilio, you'll get your Christmas bonus like every year
Right, last year I used that to buy a case for my phone
Exactly, joy to all men
You have no idea!
Let the neighbours know that we're going to proceed to open the presents
Oh, sorry I nearly fell over there
Wait a minute please
I'll just put the tape in and we'll be ready
You're not going to film this, are you, Señor Juan?
I can't stand getting given stuff by people I hardly know
Why not?
Because the presents tend to be horrible and then, to cap it all off, you have to pretend
and you end up making a stupid face
Receiving presents is always nice, Fernando. What's wrong with you!
Right, ready!
Let's start opening...
Roberto and Lucía aren't here!
Well, I've bought them something really nice
Sure, they haven't shown up because they haven't bought anything
No Paloma, Roberto gave me this for us
Oh, are they the ones giving to us then?
I shudder to think what we'll get!
Ok, let's start opening the presents
Right, let's go
But one at a time because I want to record it
No Juan, first Fernando and Mauri because that's our one!
Film their faces, their faces!
Ok, I'll start
Let's see, hang on
Thanks a lot
How lovely
It's...it's...
What is it?
It's a lamp for when you read in bed
Look, you clip the book into the stand, see?
Here's the bulb
And look, you'll save yourself the batteries because it plugs into the electricity
Wow, I love it, Paloma
Yeah, and plus, we've always wanted one of these, right?
Yeah, it's very original
And very useful
- Yeah! - Thanks a lot
See? That's the face I was talking about
Well thanks a lot. Come on, film
The clip. Check out the clip
Their faces, Juan, get their faces!
How lovely!
Hurry up, sweetheart, they're waiting for us downstairs
And to be honest, the sooner we get this over with, the better
No, wait!
Sit down
What's wrong?
Nothing, I wanna give you something
No, don't give me my Christmas present cos I haven't bought you anything yet
No, this is way more important than that
Really?
Pay attention because I've prepared everything really well
Lucía, we've been together 3 years and 4 months, which is a long time
although I'm not saying it's dragged!
No, for me it's flown by
But it's a long time and I've come to realise that you're the woman of my dreams
and now we're about to tie the knot
and in all this time, well, wonderful things have happened to us
as well as less wonderful things. Let's not kid ourselves
But at the end of the day, the good stuff is what you're left with
and that..that's the important thing
What on earth possessed you to give me a walking stick!
Well I noticed that you have trouble going down the stairs, so...
That's because this man won't fix the lift!
Are you calling me decrepit?
No, it's the youngest model they had in the store
Come on, Doña Concha, it's the thought that counts
Anyway, what are you moaning about? I've been given a betting slip
A very original one with 3 doubles and 1 triple
No, my lamp's more original. Who else do you know with one of them at home?
Nobody, nobody
Right, whose turn is it because this is still recording
Us! We haven't opened our presents
Wow, an ashtray!
No! It's a unique piece, a work of art
Bohemian crystal
It's a limited edition with a certificate of authenticity. Look
if you hold it behind the light, you'll see...
Oh Marisa! A ludo board!
Wow, ludo! Hold this for me
Concha, ludo!
Look, you put the shakers here
What's our present then, Paloma?
Oh Juan, this is no fake jewellery
This is the real deal, God this is the real deal!
White gold and diamonds
A gift of a lifetime
You mean you got a diamond ring and I got a stick
Well, we'd best be off home with this lamp, here
Yeah because we can't wait to try it out
Err, err thanks very much
You're welcome. Happy Christmas!
Happy Christmas!
It is a little loose on me, I'll have to get it fixed
Let me see it
It's my own, my love, my precious
It came to me
And now I know that having a partner means making a commitment
because I'd never reflected on that before
I used to just go out with someone and live life for the moment
But this is something completely different
And you've changed me as a person
Now I think I'm more grown up
and now I can see that by getting married, we're gonna build something strong
because we've already been through so much
Yeah honey, actually I think you've gone over all of it
Am I boring you?
No, you're stressing me out. Give me whatever it is now
Ok
I love you lots
Here
I'm so excited! What is it? Give me a clue
Oh, how...how nice, it's a candle holder, right?
Er yeah but no...
No, it's lovely, Roberto
To be honest, you've really surprised me
Give me a kiss, honey
No, it's not this, they must have got mixed up in the store or...
Fuck!
What's wrong?
Wait a second while I go down and see how everything's going
Shall I come with you?
No, you stay here, it won't take a minute
A candle holder!
No, this can't be happening!
Let's see
Oh Roberto! Thanks so much, what a present you got for my wife!
Hey, isn't that the ring you were gonna give...
Yeah
Well you don't know what you've done
- Hi - Hi! Give me a kiss!
You know, my Juan worships me but he's never given me a gift like this before
Listen, tell Lucía that she's got a friend in me for anything at all
No, look, there's been a mistake
Of course there's been a mistake! Because you 2 are nice people
It's just that you got the wrong idea about us
I want the snob to give to me too
The drawing of the slips was rigged, there wasn't even a notary
I think we should collect all the presents and draw slips again
You're just jealous! The jealousy's eating away at you from the inside! This is for me, isn't it?
See! Come on, back to your homes to enjoy your presents
and Juan film, film all this, film me
Look, your present's in that bag
It's a little something for Lucía and you to use in bed
In bed?
Ah! A hot water bottle
Thanks a lot, what a thoughtful present
Tell Lucía I like rings too but I prefer necklaces
just in case she's gonna do presents for New Year's
Nice bit of business there, man!
That's some present she's landed you with, I reckon it's second hand
This takes the biscuit! I end up broke and to top it all off, I go and give the ring to your mum!
To my mum? But I thought my sister was the one you were into
You can't get enough of my family, can you?
Your kids will bear the surname Cuesta, man
I'm telling you it was Lucía's sister
she switched the presents, the bitch!
Come off it, man! You must have mixed them up when wrapping them
No, dammit! They were in the wrong boxes!
She's doing my fucking head in, seriously!
She's messing with my head
Well tell Lucía
I can't tell her I can't stand her sister!
She loves her loads
Women play havoc with our minds
I swear, sometimes I feel like being gay
Alright, relax, only sometimes
Well what now? You need to get it back
it cost you 2 thousand euros
Good luck telling my mum, she's gonna have it bad for you!
I need to talk to your dad to see if he can do something
What a shitshow!
Santa's certainly been good to you this year!
So I try to be original, I find and give away a unique collection piece
with all my love and what do they give us in return?
A shitty lamp which I've tried and doesn't even hold the book
This is a swindle
This is more like Secret Satan than Secret Santa
Well I don't know who it was that said it was the thought that counts
Well appreciate the thought!
You're enjoying this
Yeah, make no mistake about it
Hi, we just wanted you to know that we love your present
You've left us speechless
See Fernando?
The ludo board is great
and I'm crazy about the little hole it's got for the shakers
But what about the other one, the unique piece of Bohemian crystal...
Do you fancy coming to play a game with us? To try it out
Not right now!
Sure we will! How could we miss trying out the present which has had so much success?
Right then, come to our place because I've got chinchon! Bugsy being red!
Bugsy being green!
Come on Mauri! Let's play!
That sense of humour is what made me fall for him
4. I take you and count 20
Right but 20, not 30 like last time
I'm going senile, that's the thing!
Madam, is it absolutely essential for you to smoke during the game?
Yes
Fine, smoke then, but turn this music of
The tape player belongs to Vicenta so tell her
Vicenta, it's your go!
Here are the peanuts to nibble on
I don't believe it!
It turns out both of us gave them useful things after all
Hang on, what do you mean it wasn't for her?
Yeah! That's the engagement ring I bought for Lucía
I made a mistake with the packages
Right, but can't we leave things the way they are?
You're joking! I need to get it back at all costs
Do you know how much that ring was?
Don't tell me
2,300 euros
Fucking hell! Well you don't know what you've done
It'd be easier to take Gibraltar away from the English
Well I don't know, talk to her
No, I'm not doing any talking, I'd rather take it off her and let her think she's lost it
Thanks a million, Señor Cuesta, seriously
Try and take a bit better care of your stuff next time!
What a mess!
Ah, what are you doing Juan? What time is it?
I've got a coughing fit all of a sudden
Can't you sleep or something?
No, I've got a bit of an upset stomach
What do you expect? That's what you get from eating so much
Go and take some bicarbonate of soda
Yeah, I need some
Go on
Good news Roberto, I've recovered the ring
Ok, give it to me then
The thing is there's a slight problem...I swallowed it
What!
Yeah but everything's under control
I called the clinic and they told me there's nothing to worry about
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me! What are we gonna do now?
Wait, give me a few more hours
Ah, take the box, I do have that. I'll keep you updated, ok?
Yeah please, if there's any developments...
Yeah
Juan, I can't find the ring, have you seen it?
No
Jose Miguel, this isn't one of your bad jokes, is it?
What are you chatting about!
Sweetheart, couldn't you have left it somewhere without realising?
No Juan, I didn't take it off
But I remember you taking it off to do the washing up
That's true! So it must be in the kitchen then
Or maybe you dropped it or it slipped off because it was a bit too big for you
Well I haven't left the house, so it has to be around here somewhere
Help me find it, come on!
Yes
Can we talk for a second?
Make it quick because I'm in a hurry
Look at her! How nice she looks ever since she became a PR girl
What are you doing?
I want something to remember that jealous face by
Well take another one of Emilio, I was just with him and the poor bloke's really down
What's wrong with him?
What do you think!
He's gutted cos he heard you might be leaving
And to make things worse, you're being so cold towards him
I'm sorry, I don't wanna hurt anyone
He told me he'd really like to take you out to dinner tonight
since he's never taken you anywhere
and well, he doesn't wanna have to live with that regret
Right but I've already got plans for tonight
Yeah I told him you're really busy and you'll take a raincheck
But...is he really in a bad way?
You've got no idea! His dad has had to come to help him pull through
I think one final meal together as friends would be really good for him
but if you don't have time, too bad for him
Well maybe I could call Carlos and meet him tomorrow instead
Done! I'll go tell Emilio
He's gonna be so excited
God my life has changed! I've got Alicia being my secretary
Hey, been out shopping, have we?
Yeah, my butler's got the flu at the moment
Right! See you later
Bye beautiful!
Dad, I told you not to leave the flat because someone could see you
God that girl's hot!
Girl! She's 72 years old!
But check out that body, now that's a proper butt she's got
Come off it! That's all bone, no flesh
Well I'm gonna make my move and see what happens
Don't even think about it!
Emilio, good news! Tonight you're going out for dinner with Belén
No, I'm not interested
I am
Dad!
Listen, she's going away but she looks sad and why's that?
Because she's into you
Right but if she's into me, why's she going off with him?
Because you're clumsy
Yeah, he's been like that ever since he was young
You've never taken her anywhere
This is your chance and she's there for the taking, you just need to make the first move
It's the man who always has to make the first move, Emilio
That's why it's standard for us to take a beating
Ok, I'll go but just to do the poor girl a good turn
Where shall I take her then?
Look, call this restaurant, it's out of this world!
Every time a man's taken me there, I've ended up in bed with him
- Wow! - Write down what you ate then
Listen, it's a fancy place, so wear a suit and a tie or you won't get in
But I haven't got a suit
You haven't but I have, I'll lend you one that will have her eating out of your hands
I've sold tons of encyclopedias in it
Go on, call Belén and arrange to meet her
I'm nervous
Coming
Don't answer whatever you do!
- What's wrong? - It's them with the ludo, switch off the light
Relax man! I don't think...
Mauri! Fernando! We can hear you!
It's them
I told you!
- Hi - Hi
We're here for the rematch
We've brought chinchon and the cassette from the other day
The essentials
Ok we'll play but just for a little while because we've got things to do later
That's what you always say but then you start playing
and the day just passes you by
Right, we'll set ourselves down here, shall we?
Hey, if we killed them, that would be euthanasia, wouldn't it?
Mauri, please!
It's lovely, it's got the song about the virgin cleaning
Ah! Of course
No, it's great
What's happened here!
Nothing, I think Mum's doing a DIY correspondence course
Paloma, are you alright?
It must have slipped into the pipes
That's the only explanation, Juan
Sweetheart, if it doesn't turn up, it doesn't turn up. We'll have to accept it
No Juan, I know it's here! I can feel its presence
Give me that wrench
No! I need to keep looking, it's my own, my love, my precious!
Give that here
Get off!
Mum, I've found it, it's here
- Where? - No, just kidding!
You wait till I get my hands on you!
Come on, he's just a child!
Promise me we'll raise the next one properly, Juan!
I promise
What's going on, Dad? Are you gonna change the kitchen again?
No way! We're still paying for this one
1, 2, 3. I win!
Oh, that sure made your faces drop!
Right well we've played 4 games now
I think that's enough for one day, don't you?
You're right, Ludo gets boring after a while
Sure, we need a LOO-BREAK
This lady cracks me up
Right well we're off then
Oh look, Snakes and Ladders!
Listen, let's have a game of that and that way we can finish off the chinchón, right?
She must have been breastfed chinchón as a baby
Do you remember? Along the corridor and up the stairs
What was the other one?
Climb the steps and go down the slide
That's it! Let's see who gets to go first
6! I start! I start
Great, she gets to start
Alright! How was it, did you find anything?
Come off it!
No, nothing fits that strange body he's got
What's strange about my body?
No, that came out wrong
I mean morning coats don't suit him
I'd put a suit on him
Ok
But I wanted to go in a suit, not looking like a penguin
Ok, alright, we've got time. We'll keep looking
Listen, I'm going downstairs for a second because I'm expecting the bank's Christmas card
and I can't wait to open it
Ok honey
- Lucía - Yeah
I don't know if I'm imagining things but Roberto seems kinda stressed out about the wedding
Really? Well you'll never guess what he did yesterday
He reeled off this impressive speech about commitment and marriage
only to end up giving me this
What's that?
A mini candle holder!
Poor thing! I ended up having to put it here to make him think I like it
Well as an engagement present it's kinda cheap, let alone retarded
but I guess Roberto has other qualities, right?
He's not a thoughtful guy, that much is obvious, but he's cute
- He's cute, right - Yeah
He told me he'd bought something else but they made a mistake in the store
Right, that's cos he saw your face and came up with that excuse
Don't be surprised if now he shows up with a ring or something else to fix things
Oh sis, do you think we make a good couple?
- Yeah - Yeah? - Yeah
You've always been into weirdos, Lucía
Well, how's our thing going?
I still can't go
Come on, man!
This always happens to me. When I get nervous, it won't happen
All the stress goes to my stomach
Have some fibre or kiwis or something
Lucía's kinda pissed because I gave her a tacky present
Hey, don't pressurise me! I've got enough problems as it is
My wife's taking apart the house in search of the ring
and I feel bad because I know where it is but I can't tell her
Well you just relax and focus on what you need to do
Relax!
Mauri, I don't think the president is to blame for what's happening to us
Look, I can put up with being tortured with ludo
and with the smoking but that music with those infernal voices
and those infuriating lyrics
I was darning and darned myself out, I darned a darn and then took it back out
what the fuck is that about!
I prefer karaoke, at least that doesn't mean anything
Well I don't know who once told me that they were 2 poor, elderly ladies
who were sad and lonely
No, I say loads of stupid stuff
Right, where's Santa?
What's wrong?
Those 2 ladies are driving us round the bend!
Nice one with your idea to give presents!
Come on, please, don't stress him out
It's just that Marisa and Vicenta are being a bit annoying with the ludo
You shouldn't have given it to them then! How's that my fault?
Tonight they wanna have another game and you're gonna go down and play with them
Maybe that will help you with your trouble
That way you can disconnect
Do you think so?
Oh, by the way, tell your wife that her plastic lamp doesn't work
He's a bit sore about the present
Right
Bye
No, relax, relax
Belén, come on, show a bit of respect, I've booked a table!
I'm here now, you killjoy!
Well, aren't you gonna say anything to me?
About what?
About how I look
Oh yeah, very nice, let's go
Here, get on, put the helmet on
We're not going on the bike in this bitter cold, are we?
Hey, I didn't see you complaining in the convertible the other day
Because the seats have heating
Well hold on to the exhaust pipe
Fuck, you've got posh in a couple of weeks!
Alright, calm down, let's get the evening off to a good start
Go on, get on
Now I've gotta put the helmet on and I'm gonna mess up my hair
Hang on, let me start her
Hold on tight, here we go
You do know how to drive this, right?
Sure I do
Push a bit
No, you don't take me because you got a 3
But I was here!
No, you were here next to the exit
You're such a cheater!
Would you like something to eat? Chocolate, marzipan?
Kiwis! Have you got any kiwis?
Yeah
Well bring out 6 or 7
I don't like kiwis, though
Well you can lump it!
Marisa please, don't move the pieces!
But you 2 are the ones who keep moving the board all the time
Oh well, we're all back at the start, sent back home for Christmas
Wait, wait, wait
Hold on, are you sure we're gonna eat here?
Yeah Belén, life's short
Hello, good evening
Er good evening, we've got a reservation in the name of Emilio
Emilio what else?
No, just Emilio, they didn't ask me for my surname
Yes, here you are. Your coats?
Yeah, they're ours
No, would you like to leave them in the cloakroom?
Er no actually, we came on my motorbike and we're a bit chilly
As you wish, accompany me to your table please
Of course! After you, sweetheart
I bet you weren't expecting this, huh?
You're crazy
This way
Here's your table
Thanks
Here's the menu
Thanks a lot
Enjoy your meal
Thanks very much
Excuse me!
Yes, how can I help?
We need a menu in Spanish
If you look closely, under the first dish it's translated into Spanish
He didn't bring his reading glasses
Well, nice joint, right? Check it out, there are candles and everything
Good evening
No, you've made a mistake, we haven't ordered anything yet
It's an appetiser
Foie gras with cherry jam over a bed of caramelised onion and watercress
Oh great, one of my mum's specialties
What would you like to drink?
Wine! A good wine, though. Don't bring me any old rubbish
If you'll allow me, we have an excellent Ribera del Duero, Gran Reserva
That's the one! That'll do nicely
Hey, take the cork out for us, though, ok?
- Of course sir - Right
Well, do you know what you're gonna order yet?
No, just reading these dishes is hard work
Yeah, hang on...mate!
Emilio, don't take the piss!
Yes sir
Er what's today's special?
No sir, we don't have that here
Well in the long run, you make way more money that way
The head waiter will be here in a moment to take your order
Alright, we'll have to hope we get lucky. What the fuck are we gonna order now?
I told him to open it!
No Emilio, he's showing it to you so you can see it
Let him open it
Oh sorry
Sir
Thanks
An excellent cork, this one
Is that all I get?
It's so that you can try it!
Ah! Right
Red wine, right?
Yes sir
We'll have to let it breathe now
Drink it now!
It's so nice!
we should have gone to a pizza parlour
Just relax and enjoy, dammit. It's my treat
Hey, what's this thing here?
Marmite de coq au vin
Where's the steak and chips on here?
What's that man playing at!
Juan, it's your go!
Leave him, don't pester him, I'll throw for him
I've got it!
We're off ladies, it was a pleasure
See you later
You're going already? But we haven't finished!
Hey, hey!
Take it! I don't want to know anything more about it
Thanks so much, seriously, I owe you one
Juan!
Yes honey
Come and help me move the fridge
Coming!
I'm in way over my head here!
She's not still looking, is she?
Listen, where did you get that blasted ring from?
What are you gonna do?
Oh Juan, there's something shiny! I think I saw it
What do you think?
I can't eat any more, everything was so nice, though
You can't leave the tiramisu
I'm full
We should have brought a tub. Give it here, I'll eat it
Don't do that, Emilio!
Would you like anything else?
No, just the bill
Look Emilio, thanks a lot for the dinner, it's been great
Do you realise this is the first time we've ever gone out somewhere?
When we were dating it was always fight-bedroom, fight-bedroom, fight-bedroom
Yeah, it looks like we're gonna do more stuff as friends than we did as a couple
Hey, shall we hold hands by the candles?
Alright but just for a second
Your bill
Oh thanks
Fucking hell! Hey, excuse me!
Yes sir
You've given us the wrong bill, this must be for the communion party over there at the back
That's your bill, sir
Oh, ok, ok
Take my card
Thank you
Hey, how about going on for a drink somewhere now?
Belén, I've got a problem, I don't have the money to pay this
But you just gave him your card
That was just to buy time
I only brought 90 euros and that's not enough
90 euros! But that's what the wine costs on its own!
Didn't you see the price on the menu?
I thought that was the year of the harvest. Haven't you got any money?
No! 10 euros, that's it
Well we can pay for the coffees with that
Oh no we can't actually!
God Emilio, I'm gonna kill you! What are we gonna do now?
Excuse me sir, there's a problem with your card
What! That's a disgrace!
What's the matter, won't it go through?
No, perhaps it's to do with the fact that it expired in 1999
Ah, sorry, I don't use that card much
Take this other one
That's a points card for a supermarket
Oh, can't you use your points here then?
No sir
Ok, well I'll give you this other card then
It'll be payment by CARDS as you can see
Hey, get a move on, would you, because we're in a hurry
I haven't got any more cards left
Emilio, I wanna die
Look, here's what we're gonna do. We'll make a run for it
What! We can't go without paying!
Yes we can, you go out first. Pretend your mum's called you on your mobile
and there's no signal in here, so you go outside
If I'm not out in 2 minutes, start running and don't look back
But I can't go out talking on the phone with my coat on!
No, I'll get your coat and everything. Right, I'll call you now
No Emilio, I'm so ashamed!
Come on!
I'm gonna kill you!
I swear...I swear I'm gonna kill you
Hello?
Hi mum!
Dad...a heart attack?
What? What? But...
I can't hear you, there's no signal in here. I'll go outside
1, 2, 3!
Are you alright, sir?
Come on, show a bit of respect! Look at the state you've left my jacket in!
Try and be a bit more careful, why do you think all the tourists are going to Greece?
Where's the bathroom?
Over there
Fuck, this mash is slippery!
Vichyssois sir
Vichyssois?
Damn, look at these prices! For something you're only gonna wear for one day
What a rip-off, seriously
Lucía! I called by the store and they gave me the present it was meant to be
Here
A ring, right?
How do you know that?
Sweetheart, you didn't need to buy me anything, really
I was already happy with my candle holder
No, that was for the Cuesta's
It doesn't matter, it's really nice!
No, the candle holder wasn't for you!
Ok darling but I don't want you to have to spend your money against your will
Come on, it was your bloody sister! The bitch switched the presents!
Erm...I mean...sorry but I get the slight impression that...
What did you say!
No, look Lucía, wait...
What did you say!
Ok, look, maybe that came out a bit strong
Let me explain
Ok fine! Your sister's doing my head in!
What are you on about! She worships you and only has good things to say about you
Yeah right! She's making my life a misery!
She's attacking me, pressing me, freaking me out!
I don't know what I've done to that nutjob!
Oh, is she here?
Yeah!
No it's fine, I don't want you to argue because of me
No Clara, seriously, don't go!
Look, I came here to help but if I'm a nuisance...
Of course you're not a nuisance!
The only thing is it would make me so happy to go to your wedding
But you're definitely coming to my wedding!
Oh don't cry, please! Stay here, alright?
Because I need to have words with Roberto!
Lucía, at least open the present and see if you like the ring
Hey, maybe I was a bit out of line, right?
A bit! Do you realise what you just said about my sister?
No, look, all I'm saying is maybe she doesn't need to be so on top of the wedding
She's on top of the wedding because it makes her happy!
My sister got left jilted when she had everything arranged
And that's my fault, is it?
Ok Roberto, fine, let's drop it!
Look, you don't know all the stuff she said to me! Your sister's not right in the head
She's undergoing treatment
Really? Well you might have said something
Since everything with her wedding, she suffers manic-depressive attacks
But are they more manic or more depressive?
Hey, wait, wait!
Ok, fine, I screwed up
But I'll sort this out, don't worry
I'll apologise to her
Hey, look Clara, I'm a bit worked up about the wedding and...
and I said some silly things
but I want you to know that I'm really glad you're helping us
and...and all that
What did I say now?
Nothing
It's just that I'm so lonely and I'm gonna end up so lonely
What do you expect?...I mean, you're bound to feel lonely after what happened
Sweetheart, you'll always have us
It's just that I already lost my boyfriend and I wouldn't like to lose my sister as well
Of course you're not gonna lose me! You can come here whenever you like
Our home is your home
Aw, thanks Roberto
If you ever have kids, I'd like to be able to enjoy them with you
and for us to be a family
Of course!
Yeah
Come on, chin up!
It's freezing!
Damn! What a night!
Hey, I never knew what happened in these situations
The police show up, fill out a report and then let you go home
If I knew that, I would have done it more often
Hey, next time you invite me out for dinner, let's go somewhere cheaper, ok?
Well I wanted it to be really special
No, it was certainly that
Well
Well
What's the phone for?
To take a picture to remember this evening
Wow, what, so your phone takes pictures?
Does mine do that too?
No, your one doesn't
Er...do you wanna come in for a drink?
Ok, but just one, though
Let's go!
Switch that light off! There are people who go to bed early here!
Sorry Belén, I forgot my dad was here
Dad, why don't you go out for a walk? It's a lovely evening
Look I'd better go, I've gotta get up early tomorrow
No, wait, my dad's like a baby, he'll fall asleep in no time
Go to sleep!
Piss off!
No, I'd better be going
Belén wait, don't go!
Come on Dad, show a bit of respect, things were going really well there!
Emilio, will you let me give you some advice from father to son?
Yeah, sure dad
Well fix that toilet tank because it's dripping
and come to bed where it's nice and warm
God I'm cursed! For fuck's sake!
Pain in the ass!
3 doubles, 1 triple, and only 4 right
That's some present they gave us
Alright, how did it go?
Great! Great
Emilio took me on his bike and we froze to death
We had dinner at a lovely restaurant and he had no money
We tried to get away with paying, got caught
The police showed up and we froze to death on the bike again
So you had a great time then, right?
Well yeah, I did actually
See Belén? Emilio's the guy for you
No, Carlos is the one I like. Carlos!
Because he's a normal boyfriend
What, so Emilio's not normal?
Emilio is...he's...Emilio!
And don't mess with my head cos Carlos is coming round tomorrow and I need to tell him if I'm gonna move in with him
And what are you gonna tell him?
Good night
She's so selfish
So we'll see each other on Wednesday then, ok?
Yeah and then we'll go out for dinner, my treat
Bye beautiful
Bye
See you later
Dad? Yeah it's me
Yeah, I was just with them
Great
Yeah relax, he's in way over his head
They won't get married, you'll see
You too, take care
2,300 euros for a ring, I'm done for!
Señor Juan, how's it going?
Listen, I was thinking and you're right, Christmas is lovely because deep down...
Christmas is shit, Emilio, don't let them fool you!
It's a scam and we could all bloody well do without it!
And if I ever get another stupid idea like the Secret Santa
you either tell me or I'll fire you
Is that clear?
Yes señor Juan, yes
It's true that Christmas changes people
I don't get it
Another present? Oh boys, you're so good to us!
Open it, open it!
Oh Marisa look, a chessboard!
For 2 players!
Turn it over
Draughts!
Also for 2 players
That means you won't be able to play
Don't worry, we bought ourselves one as well
Well then, we'll have to try it out
Yeah, that's it, try it out and afterwards let us know you get on
Or don't let us know
No wait, don't go
How do you play it?
So you spent 2 thousand euros on a ring just to stop Mum getting upset?
No more Christmas for us then
All we can put in the letter to Santa now are our names
Show me some support here! Your mother's pregnant
and it's good to give in to some of her cravings
Well now you know what you need to do to get them to buy you a car
Paloma, it's here, we've found it!
Juan, no more jokes, ok!
No, look
Oh my ring! But where was it?
Erm here...next to...
Around here somewhere
Oh thanks a lot, honey! My ring! I'd given up on finding it by now
Well look, here it is
Juan, between this and what you're gonna give me, what a Christmas this is gonna be! What a Christmas!
Yeah, what a Christmas
They've set the bar really high for you, Dad
Who knows what you can surprise her with now
With an ulcer, definitely
Hi!
Hi darling
- Alicia - What's up?
Listen Carlos, about us moving in together...
Quiet, quiet!
I've got a surprise for you, go out on the balcony
Ok, she can go out too
Are you giving me a lorry?
No, they're from the removals company, they're here for your stuff
A van would have been enough
Well then? Are you coming or not?
No! The rook doesn't move like that. Only the bishop and the queen can move diagonally
Is this a bishop?
No, that's a pawn
Do you know why the knight moves in an L shape?
Because it only just passed its driving test
Calm down, Mauri, calm down
You have to be so careful with what you give as a present
Look how much fun she's having all by herself