Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 14 - Érase una avería - full transcript
Jose Miguel come have your breakfast! I'm not calling you again!
Yeah right!
Natalia!
I'm here
God, you 2 stress me out from first thing in the morning
Who knows what you'll do when I'm not around
Mum, there isn't a direct link
between the volume of your voice and how much attention we're gonna pay to you
I'm gonna take internet away from you because you come out with weirder and weirder stuff every day
And when are you gonna take a shower?
When Dad comes out
Oh God!
What's Dad doing in the bathroom?
I don't know
Juan, what are you doing in there?
There's no hot water!
I'll skip taking a shower
No you won't!
Fuck taking a shower with cold water!
Hey, this is torture, you know
Oh Juan, the boiler hasn't packed up, has it?
I don't know, I'll go down and talk to Emilio now
Well I can't get cold in my condition
What condition?
What! I'm pregnant!
God! I'd forgotten
Well don't you forget about it!
Have you taken your vitamins?
Yeah!
And have you taken the pill?
Yeah
Ok get dressed then because you need to get to school
Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
and the caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Throw together in a cocktail shaker
thunder and lightning, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Hey, why's this called a recorder when it doesn't record?
Stop slobbering all over my recorder, I've got an exam!
Alright!
Look, here's that cocksucker come to get Belén
Honey, I'm downstairs now
Sorry?
It's on hands-free
Ok, I'm on my way down
Alright, I'll wait here for you
- Hello - Alright!
God I wanna get the mop and hit him like this with it!
No Emilio, that's not the right path. Afraid be you, perhaps
Fear leads to anger, anger leada to hate, hate leads to suffering
and suffering is the path to the dark side
What are you going on about!
It's Star Wars, man! That's what Yoda says
Yeah but nobody took Yoda's girlfriend away from him
Look at him in his convertible in the middle of winter
He must be freezing, the asshole
No because the seats in that car have got heating
Sure, you saw that in Star Wars as well, did you?
Hey Belén! Can we talk for a second?
No Emilio, not now!
What do you want?
No smartass, it's not about sex!
Well actually it is. What's he got that I haven't?
I'll tell you again...he's handsome, attentive, smart
He's got money and he's got a future
All superficial stuff. He won't love you like I do
Well that's the idea
Come on, show a bit of respect, Belén, this isn't a game
Emilio, you need to accept that we're not together anymore!
Our thing was nice while it lasted
It wasn't nice!
Ok, it wasn't nice
And it didn't last either!
Ok fine! Forget what I just said!
Look Belén, I've lost some of my stubble thanks to you
If my hair starts falling out too, I'll report you!
Belén? Is there a problem?
No, I'll be right there
No, one more thing!
What now!
Whose is bigger?
Emilio, size doesn't matter
That's because I win then
How are you, darling?
This seat's lovely and warm!
See!
"See!" Shut your gob!
Emilio, why's the heating not working?
Well because it's really cold
But what's that got to do with it?
Things always break when you need them most, that's life for you
- Dad, we're gonna be late! - Coming
Well I've called the engineer but he can't come till tomorrow
so take a look at the heating because we can't go on without hot water!
Alright, I'll look at it but to me machines are like your kids to you
I don't understand them
- Dad! - Coming
God, now the boiler's broken, what a mess!
What do you expect? It's ancient, it's a miracle it's lasted this long
Hurry up honey, we're gonna be late
Fuck, Lucía! Why do we have to get up so early to see this church?
Because it's not 1 church: it's 15
Hopefully one will give us an early date
But do we have to see them all? Don't they have a phone number?
No, you have to talk to the priest in person, look
Here are the time slots
Look, why don't we get married in Las Vegas? It's way easier
I'll dress up as Elvis and you can be Madonna
Oh, what a great idea!
But let me remind you that you're the one who wants to get married in a church
I'd quite happily go to Menorca and get married in bare feet on the beach
Sure, how convenient!
My 87 year-old gran walking in high heels on the sand
Well there's no need to dress like at a conventional wedding
Alright, I'll tell her to wear a bikini
Right well as we're gonna get married in a church, let's find a nice one!
Fuck, I've gotta submit the Christmas special by the day after tomorrow
Well stay here and draw then
I'll take car of it, I'm on holiday anyways
No, we'll do it together
Ok
How hard can it be to organise a wedding? We'll be done in no time
- Right, let's go look at churches! - Let's go!
Roberto, this is gonna be so much fun
What are you doing? Did you sleep in here?
I had to choose between the rent for the flat and for the video store
I'm broke, man. It's shit running your own business!
I told you! And it's even worse with this business
Put a girl with a cubicle or something in here to help people
I've got an idea to get past the crisis but you need to help me
But I'm skint, man
I swear if I had any money, I'd give you some
No, the business is here online, listen to this idea
Wow, the name sells itself
but who are the chicks?
- That's where you come in - Me?
Yeah, you install some mini-cameras in Belen and Alicia's place
We'll hook them up to the computer so then people can watch them online
But we can't put cameras in a house to watch people's intimate moments!
That's really sick, man
No, there's a TV programme which does the same thing
Oh, if it's on TV, that's alright then
Anyway, don't you wanna see what Belén does with that prick Carlos?
No, no, no way....
- Have you got the cameras there? - Yeah
Right, let's go upstairs!
- Hi - Belén's not here
No, look, we've discovered a fault in the central heating system of the boiler
and the heart of the problem is in this flat
That's why there's no hot water, we need to fix it
Oh, ok, come in
I'm nearly done putting my make-up on
No, you can't stay, though
because we're going to adjust the radiators and toxic fluids could come out of the system
it could be fatal
But I thought radiators contain water
No, they can contain water or anything else you can think of
A broken radiator is like a kinder surprise, you never know what you're gonna find inside it
If you stay, on your head be it
No, I'll go
I need to buy a blank video tape anyway
Today my advertisement's being released: turkey sausages with cheese
They're so nice!
Oh, that's great, you're gonna be famous
I hope so
Hey, if you're gonna check the radiators, what do you need the ladder for?
In case we can't reach...
No! It's because we carry out tests at different levels
Sure, like the English courses
But you can relax, we'll have this fixed in no time
Don't worry
No, I'm not worried, it's Concha's flat
She's so hot, we're gonna make a killing
Right Michael Jackson, where shall I put this?
Look one there, another one over there, and 2 in the bedrooms
Ok, well get the ladder cos you're gonna install them
Fuck!
Paloma, you could at least have put on an electric heater to warm the place up a bit!
Sure, and a glass of cognac for everyone
But it's cold in here, dammit!
Listen up, please, here's the president of the community
Welcome everyone, let's begin the neighbours' meeting!
Switch off your phones and don't smoke
And I'm not telling you to raise your hand to speak anymore because no-one pays any fucking notice
Right, the reason for this meeting is to inform you that the boiler's broken down
and we don't have heating or hot water
You don't say!
What, he made us come downstairs just to tell us that?
Obviously not. The fact is that the boiler in question is over 25 years-old
and some time ago, we were advised to replace it with a new one
Ok well let's change it then and problem solved
Let my husband do the talking if you don't mind!
According to my research, a new boiler could cost in the region of 10 thousand euros
- 10 thousand euros? - Over 1.5 million pesetas
1.5 million, come off it!
That's over 300 thousand per flat
He hits us more than the tax office!
Quit Señor Cuesta, QUIT!
It's hardly my husband's fault if the boiler breaks down! Get outta here!
Look, things get old and stop breaking!
Here's an example of that
Marisa!
It was just a joke, I'm gonna fluff it soon too
and stop taking away my half of the blanket!
But do we know what's wrong with the boiler yet? Has someone been round to look at it?
The engineer's coming tomorrow but Emilio, on a preliminary visual inspection
detected an anomaly in its functioning
I detected what?
A fault
Oh yeah, it won't start. You press it, and it doesn't start
What a technical analysis, now we can all rest easy
But we'll only have to do without the boiler for the shortest possible time: 2 or 3 days at the most
As such, I would ask for your understanding and patience in dealing with this ordeal
In other words: everyone put up with the cold and end of discussion!
But we can't shower with cold water for 3 days!
Well it's very good for the skin
It's a bit late for that!
You should have done what we did
we got a 120 litre immersion heater installed
in order to carry on having hot water in the event of a breakdown
What are you talking about! Quiet!
So you mean you've got hot water in your house?
Well...yeah
No! Of course we haven't
Sure, Daddy's money can buy so many things
Well I least I don't live off of my husband!
- What was that! - You heard me!
Hey, calm down! Anger leaves to hate and hate to the dark side where you can't see anything
She has the cheek to come and insult me in my own home, Juan!
But she started it!
Right, enough! We can't carry on like this all the time
Ok, to sum up, the engineer's coming tomorrow. and in the meantime
to cope with this situation, we need to have fortitude and strength of mind
Sure, we need to do what the guys who sell pirate CDs do: pull out the blankets
What on earth possessed you to tell the neighbours we've got hot water?
Sweetheart, if I go to a meeting, I do so to provide ideas
Meetings are like military service, it's best to keep your mouth shut
Right but I didn't mean to rub it in their faces
Well you rubbed it in good and proper. As if they didn't hate us enough already!
God, stop getting in a state about everything!
Hi, you don't mind if I take a shower here, do you?
Look lady, can't you shower in your own house?
You must be joking! One shower in cold water at my age and I could have a heart attack
Come on, don't exaggerate
Ok well look, on your head be it
No, Marisa! Come in!
Come on, it won't do any harm just this once
I'm really small anyway, I'll barely use any water
Right but immersion heaters run on electricity and need a ton of energy
Don't be a cheapskate, she's the one who pays the bills
And what do you know about it?
24 hour courtyard radio bulletin
By the way, have you got a towel? Because I forgot mine at home
Dont worry, I'll lend you one
And an ash tray?
Right!
Holy shit!
Look, here are the towels
What's this? Have you got a lift all to yourselves or what?
No, it's a whirlpool bath
They've got Walt Disney in one of these things, right?
Look, here are all the setttings: sauna, massage, hydro massage
then there's foot massage, back massage, radio
Has it got a radio as well?
Yeah, let's see, what setting shall I put on for you?
Give me everything, the whole lot!
Be careful with the sauna, you might give her breathing problems
Ok Marisa, we're outside, if you need anything, call me
Ok
Hey, can I light a match in here?
- No - A flaw
Fernando, what do you think about this for the dinner?
You're not getting dressed already, are you?
No, I'm trying on outfits
It's a really important moment in our relationship and the outfit needs to be right
What do you think?
God, who are you disguised as? If you grow a moustache, you'll look like my grandad
Should I wear something more gay?
No, not more gay, wear plain, ordinary clothes like you always do
Oh, so I'm plain and ordinary!
In other words, my clothes are cheap then?
No, look, wear whatever you like, ok?
Come on, help me out here, I'm nervous!
Well so am I
I'm about to tell my colleagues that I'm gay!
Don't back out now! I know what you're like
we'll show up at the dinner and you'll introduce me as your second cousin
No, I've made the decision now, I won't back out this time
Have you taken a tranquiliser pill yet?
Yeah
Well take another one because I'm already on my third
Look, what bothers me most are the shoes because lawyers really pay attention to them
and I don't know which ones to pick even though I've got so many
I reckon this isn't working, there's something wrong here
Look! It is working!
We're gonna make a killing, man!
Right but can you already see this online?
Yeah, now this can be seen from anywhere in the world
in the Philippines, Japan, and all that?
Yeah
Hurry up, they're gonna show my ad!
This is the last time I invite you to a premiere
But did they tell what time it's gonna be on?
Look, now Belen's here with that bastard
Turn up the sound
Oh, look! This is the one!
with 5 % turkey
that's why, they taste of turkey
I can't live without them
Well...what do you think?
Erm well...it makes you wanna buy sausages
Yeah, it's really subtle, right? Really suggestive
It is, right?
I wanted to convey that it wasn't just another ad
to make sure it doesn't slip under the radar
No, it certainly doesn't do that
You didn't like it, did you?
It's terrible
Did they at least pay you well?
What do you know about this business? This is how Marilyn Monroe started
What, advertising sausages?
No, doing ads
Right, she did one like this and then topped herself
Don't get angry, girl!
Sod her, she made enough fun of me about me and Emilio
Yeah, that was really funny, though
I mean, what were you playing at with the caretaker? He's retarded
Emilio had his good points
Anyway, I was going through a bad time
It must have been really bad to end up with him!
I'm going up there to smash his face in!
Stay where you are, you can't know anything about this
But I'm hearing it right now!
Emilio please, don't mix business with love
Look, let's switch to number 2 because I bet Alicia's getting changed
No, put number 1 on cos I wanna see the living room
No, 2 cos that's not good for you
No, dammit! I wanna see what they're doing!
Right but I wanna see Alicia!
Look, you're driving me crazy here! Sit still!
The thing with Emilio was kinda weird
I still can't get my head round it
It's like that wasn't me. It's like when you go to the sales...
You don't need anything but you always buy something
Why? - No-one knows
Ok, but now you've got me
He's gonna kiss her!
Hey!
Someone's coming!
Hey man, did you know Alicia and Belén are online? They've put cameras in...
Oh! So it was you two. What sons of bitches!
Hang on, what are you doing surfing those websites?
I was looking for Byron's biography and that came up
So I'm a sale, am I? Fine!
Emilio please, don't say anything because this is illegal
Well I've already told all my mates
That's fine cos we need to make money
Mum, if we invite Uncle Javier, we'll have to invite Aunt Marta
and if we invite Aunt Marta, we'll have to invite Uncle Joaquin
and you know Uncle Joaquin and Uncle Javier don't get on
ever since Aunt Marta left Uncle Joaquin for Uncle Javier
No, there's not gonna be any security
It's a wedding, not a Justin Bieber concert
Well look, we'll have to choose. Either security guards or orchestra
Lucía, that woman's been in there for an hour and a half
Maybe something's happened to her
Look mum, I'll talk to you soon, ok?
Bye, take care
Hey honey, we need to make the guest list
Didn't you hear me! I've been calling her and she's not answering
Alright, I'll take a look
Shit guys, I feel as good as new
This is so much better than sex
It's relaxing, right?
If they'd invented this 40 years ago, there's no bloody way I'd ever have married Manolo
Right, well back home now for a glass of milk and a bit of TV
Hang on, I might buy one of these
How much do they cost?
8,200 euros
Fuck girl, I'm being serious!
No, seriously, 8,200 euros
God, you can't retire nowadays
They need to give discounts on hydro massages, not on the buses
- Bye - Bye
Look, how happy she's gone away
That's what worries me
Look, it's like a car wash, you get bubbles everywhere
Look at my skin
It's smoother, right?
That's because I set the sauna
Oh, it's got a sauna as well then?
Yeah and a radio. I fulfilled my sexual fantasy: to take a shower with Chris Tarrant
A shower can't have a radio!
Right, if it gets wet, you'll get electrocuted
Vicenta, they've anticipated that
Keep in mind that the person who invented it wasn't you
Well I wanna try it!
Yeah, let's go get our dressing gowns!
But don't you see what the snob's game is?
She's rubbing her money in our faces! You're degrading yourselves
Oh well, it's worth it for a bit of hot water!
Paloma, you're just jealous cos she's not gonna let you use it
Like I'd want to! Or anyone else from my family!
Here we'd rather shower with cold water, right Juan?
Right
Hi! We've come to use the shower
Marisa said the bubbles are amazing!
Hey, this isn't a spa for the elderly, you know
Son, my neck's in such a bad way
Hey honey, I'm meeting my mum
Concha and Vicenta wanna use the shower and I'm working!
Well if we let Marisa, we can't say no to them
I can, you watch me!
No babe, the poor things, it doesn't matter, it'll only take a second
Right, and who's the one lumbered with them?
Come on
Thanks a lot!
Us neighbours are here to help each other
Hey, is the dog gonna take a shower as well?
No, I'll leave him with you, he's no bother
Bugsy going first!
Hang on, let me explain how it works
Hey I'm off, honey, ok? I'll call you in a bit
Ok, bye
Meantime, I'll put the telly on. How does it switch on?
That's the phone!
Roberto! How do you stop the bubbles?
I told you to wait for me!
Shit, cover yourself up, woman!
Bye darling
Anger leads to hate, hate's the path to the dark side where I grab him and beat him up
How's it going, Emilio?
Just mopping, you know, what with me being a retard
Erm right, see you later
Hey look out, the floor's still wet
We wouldn't want you to slip and bang your head against the bannister
Oh no
Blows to the head can be fatal
Thanks. See you later
Tomorrow I'll wax
Honey, what did you forget?
No, it's me, so I'm a sale, am I?
Caretaker section, shags for a special price?
Emilio, have you been spying on me?
You're so retarded!
Not that again! Look Belén, I was gonna give you another chance
but now you've ruined it. I'm dumping you
But you can't dump me if I'm dating Carlos!
No, don't start making excuses, you won't make me change my mind
We're finished, get used to it!
Pain in the ass!
How did he find out about that?
Right, just relax and smile
God, what a stage! Are these the people you work with?
Now everything makes sense
Hey, which one's your boss?
The one next to the lady with all the jewellery
Holy crap! No, don't tell them, they're gonna take it really badly
It's decided, I just need to find the right moment
Relax!
Let's go
What's up, Fernando?
Hey! Agustín, let me introduce a friend of mine, Mauri
Nice to meet you
Hello
This is my wife
- Hi, how are you? - Nice to meet you
- Good evening - Congratulations by the way!
This will be your third, right?
You know what happens when I put my mind to something!
And when's the baby due?
According to our reckonings, after dessert
Sit down or you'll miss your dinner
- Yeah, come on - Let's get out of here please!
No, let's sit down!
Hello, hello, we're here now
Alright there?
Hello Fernando
Oh, sorry, sorry!
- How silly - Are you alright?
Yeah
Yeah, it's fine
I'll eat with my left hand
We should have set the cameras up in here cos this is where everyone's taking a shower
What a wonder! That's not taking a shower, it's something else entirely
Next!
It's your turn, isn't it?
No, you go first, I'll wait for the film to finish
The picture on this plasma TV is amazing!
Ooh, it's my turn! Here I go!
Hey, the shampoo's nearly run out
What! Don't use that, man, it's for hair loss and it costs a fortune!
Why do you bother with it, anyway?
Faith moves mountains, Roberto
Hey!
- Hi - Hi, how's it going?
If it isn't the founder of Bubbles Without Borders
Paco, you haven't come to take a shower here too, have you?
Yeah, because he's living in the video store and the only shower there is the one in Psycho
Plus, I've given you a voucher: 6 movies for 36 euros
You've got some nerve! That's a standard price
I said a voucher, not a discount voucher. I need to make a living, you know
Lucía, can I have a word?
Yeah
Hey, take your feet off the table!
Look, this is too much!
This isn't helping out, it's sponging
Yeah, but what we can do? Kick them out?
Yeah, fuck them, they can shower at home with cold water
Quiet! Relax, tomorrow they're gonna fix the boiler
They'd better
Look Roberto, when I'm rude to the neighbours, you get angry
and when I try and help them out, you're the same
They've used up all my shampoo!
Quiet!
Hang on, here come more of them
- Hi - Hi
Is there much of a queue?
No, only 2 of us
Oh ok, in that case I'll sit here and have a fag
Fine
What, you here again!
But you already had a shower this afternoon
Yeah, I like to keep clean. Do you want one?
Well Fernando, when are you gonna change that car of yours?
This company's got an image to uphold, you know
Yeah, to be honest it is a bit old
but I've grown so fond of it
Come on, man, there are so many cars out there nowadays
Get yourself a real car, not that nancyboy thing!
I'll tell them now in the break before dessert
No, hang on a second, don't get up!
A moment of your time, please
Yeah, listen up everyone, our NEW PARTNER...has something to say
What was that?
You've beaten us to it, Fernando, so I'm announcing it now
From the first of January, our work colleague, Fernando Navarro
will become a fully fledged partner
in the board of directors of this law firm
Bravo! BRAVO! SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN!
Thank you very much
Right Fernando, what were you going to say to us?
Nothing, just that he's really happy
No, yes...well in the first place, I'd like to thank you for the trust you've placed in me
I promise to do my best to be up to the position
But I'd also like to give you some information related to my private life
but which both my partner and I want to...
to share with all of you
Uh-oh, you're getting married on us! You're trapped now, man!
No, it's not that, I can't get married for the moment
No, what I wanted to tell you is that...
that I'm gay
and that this person here at my side is my boyfriend
Long live the grooms!
Thanks! Thanks a lot!
Juan, are you in the bathtub now?
Yeah! Hurry up, honey, I'm freezing
Ok! I'm coming
Right, bend your head over
Hang on, did you check the...
Shit Paloma, are you trying to kill me!
Alright! How would the little Lord like his water?
If possible, below boiling point
Mum, put a few eggs in there so we can eat them for breakfast
Your father's a cry-baby
Ok, who's next?
- Her - Him
Lucía!
Busy!
Hey, hey! No jumping in, I'm next!
For God's sake! How did you get in?
Lucía let us in
Oh and she said she was going shopping
and if you want flavoured yoghurts to call her
You need to get some new magazines
Ooh you've got a blender, you can make loads of things with one of these, right?
How does it work?
Don't touch that!
Hey, what are you doing with my dumb-bells!
Working up a bit of a sweat before my shower
I need bigger muscles cos there's loads of competition
But what do you lot think this is! A gym?
Do you wanna come into the bedroom for a massage from Lucía?
Oh, does she give massages?
No, I was being sarcastic!
Right, come on, go and shower at home all of you!
Roberto, show a bit of compassion, we don't have any hot water
Anyway, Lucía said we could use the shower and it's her place
Hey, how much was this TV?
Lady please, I told you not to touch that!
Good morning neighbour
Look, the thing is, cold water's not for me
and I thought you wouldn't mind if I...
No, of course not!
Good, but this is an unoffical visit, ok?
If anyone asks, I was never here
Oh! Ok fine, come in
Look who it is, el señor Cuesta!
Oh God! Who's last in line please?
Me
You're gonna flip out, man
Welcome to hydro massage wonderland!
Shit, it's really her
What's up Jose Mi?
Nothing, I've just brought a few friends who want you to sign an autograph for them
An autograph?
Ooh, you're my first fans
Did you like my advertisement?
Er, yeah they love your work
Yeah, my dad does too
Don't think becoming famous is easy. What's your name?
Jaime
My grandad's hooked as well, he says you've got an ass to die for
Oh! Thanks a lot?
Ooh, sorry gotta leave you, it's my agent
No doubt to offer me more work
Ok, see you later
Stop drooling, you lot!
And Belén was making fun of my ad!
Hey Antonio! Your star speaking
What's your game? You think you're smart, is that it?
Sorry?
Alicia, what on earth possessed you to place cameras in your house
and show it online without saying anything to me?
What! But I haven't placed any cameras!
Sure you haven't! Put down the remote now, will you!
Hold on, where are you watching me from?
From my office computer
For your information, Alicia, 20 % of what you make goes to me
it's in your contract
Fuck! Quick, quick!
I told you that camera was really obvious!
Er yeah but there's an explanation for all of this
They're Paco's chicks so he'll explain it all to you
Go on!
It's a sociological study of the customs of single, modern, western women
Have you lost your minds!
No-one's seen me naked, have they?
No, don't worry, only when you got undressed
Don't report us please! We'll take out the cameras right now, I swear
Don't even think about it!
I want 50 % of the business
No, look, it has to be divided in equal shares, listem
30 % for me, 30 for him, and 30 for you
What about the other 10?
Oh, there's another 10?
Well for me then, for labour
Done! Thanks a lot
It's the perfect shop window
I'm gonna use it to display all my talent
I bet a film producer will see how well I play my part
Hey, if you're gonna play a part, then do Basic Instint or Emmanuelle, something that sells
Or do what you like and be yourself
Children, it has reached our ears that the upstairs neighbours have a shower
with hydro massage, sauna, radio...in short, a wonder
A completely useless and unnecessary wonder that some of our neighbours are using
And don't let me catch you going up there to use it!
Oh no! No-one is to go up there!
But why do you care? Roberto's my mate, he won't mind
But I do mind and I'm your mum!
Can't you see that fighting with the couple upstairs won't get you anywhere!
Right, cos you and Lucía get along great, don't you?
The snob's winning over the neighbours with that shower
I don't know, she's doing them a good turn
No! It's a strategy I'm telling you!
I know she wants to be president again
We need to buy a much better hydromassage than her one
Do you have any idea how much they cost!
Who cares? Armando works in a bank
so he can give us a loan
Sure, taking out a loan is very easy. The trouble is afterwards you have to pay it back!
Well, give private lessons in the evenings, we can't let your talent go to waste
I don't know...
If we'd opened the boutique, right now we'd be in our country house with a hydromassage in all 4 bathrooms
God, not the boutique again!
Alright, I'll talk to Armando and see what he says about the loan
That's it, honey, give me a kiss
Hey! That gel's not the stuff I buy
Well I don't know, I think it's the stuff I've always used
You haven't been upstairs for a shower, have you?
No, I'd never ever...
I can't take showers with cold water
Oh Juan! I'm pregnant and you're going up to the snob's place to take a shower!
I'm going to my room to cry, you've hurt me, Juan
You've really hurt me!
My husband doesn't understand me, my children ignore me
That snob wants my life
What a mess! When's that boiler man gonna come!
Hi!
Well, how was work? How did you first gay day go?
To be honest, really well. They were all lovely to me
See, it was easy, and you've lifted a weight off your shoulders
Oh there was a letter from the practice here
Actually, I think Jose María made a pass at me in the bathroom
Jose María? Oh, but I thought he was married
Right he is
It's obvious, you'll see
They'll be coming out of the closet in their masses
like a gay explosion and this is just the beginning
in less than a year, you'll be running the firm, you'll see
What's wrong?
I've been fired
What?
Yeah I've been fired, they're thanking me for services rendered
and terminating my contract
And they're doing it by letter!
But why they have fired you?
Why do you think?
It's because you're gay
No, it's because I told them. See, I was right!
This can't be happening, Fernando
Sure, coming out of the closet is lovely
because here we're all liberal and modern but the reality is different
people aren't ready!
But that's discrimination! Sue them!
Right and how am I gonna prove that they kicked me out for being gay?
No, they're terminating my contract, giving me severance pay and job done
Afterwards, they'll come up with any old excuse to justify it
- The sons of bitches! - Yeah
What a great idea that was! Come out of the closet just to go straight on the dole
I feel terrible, how was I to know they'd fire you?
No, don't worry, it's not your fault
Well no actually it is your fault!
But don't worry
But surely you're not gonna take it sitting down. You've got to do something!
Look, you know what I'm gonna do today? Go for a walk
because I need to get a bit of fresh air
Fernando, I'm so sorry, seriously
I'll show them!
They don't know what they've got themselves in for!
Ingrid, it's Mauri. Yeah, listen, I need a favour
Can you publish a really juicy article about sexual discrimination for me tomorrow?
Yeah, I know it's really late, but I'm asking for it as a personal favour
Ok, thanks, I'll send it to you in half an hour
Go get them! Let's go get them!
I thought this was an emergency service, it says 24 hours on the brochure!
Right, 24 hours is how long it takes us to come
Señor Cuesta, advertisements are like parables
you mustn't take them literally
Right, let's see what's wrong with this boiler!
Well, I'd say it's an open and shut case of malfunction
Emilio, let the man do his job
Alright!
Fixed
Already? What was wrong with it?
Nothing, the power must have conked out so you needed to press the restart button to unlock it
It's a security mechanism but the boiler's fine
In these situations, reading the instruction manual really helps, you know
And all this time I've been taking cold showers and getting burnt by wife!
How was I to know, Señor Juan?
Right, sign here for me because we're finished now
100 euros for labour!
But all you did was press a button!
I don't get paid for pressing a button but for knowing which button to press
Thank you very much, good afternoon
Did you at least notice which button he pressed?
Neighbours, I've got wonderful news for you: the boiler is working again
in record time and for the modest price of 100 euros
without VAT because we didn't write out an invoice
Great Juan
Now you can go back to enjoying your central heating and hot water
Don't all thank me at once
I wanted to get in the sauna before going out
The one time something didn't need fixing and he goes and rushes!
What a president!
This man never does anthing right
Can't you see that he does it just to annoy us?
Well this is all I needed!
You mean you're giving me an earful for solving the problem!
Ignore them Juan, ignore them
From now on, everyone washes in their own home and end of discussion!
And if you want bubbles, join a swimming pool
because you're retired and they'll give you a discount
Come on Juan
Oh well, all good things come to an end
No, no way! I can't live without bubbles
Me neither!
We've already had 30 thousand views in under 2 days
30 thousand views! Fuck, those 2 are gonna be more famous than Pamela Anderson's fake tits
Hey, I wanna go upstairs so my mum can see me
Has your mum got internet, though?
Oh shit, you're right, she hasn't
Ok, let's see what they're up to
Alicia, I'm going to the burger bar
Fuck, have you got an audition to be a game show host or something?
No, I'm staying home, why?
Well it's just that you've got your warpaint on
You're always laughing at me! I can't take it anymore!
You humiliate me! You make fun of my dreams!
And my hopes! And it hurts!
Oh, you're driving me crazy! CRAZY!
But what's wrong, are you alright?
I don't care. Let me tell you something, Belén
you don't appreciate the girl you've got for a flatmate
someone with talent, who studied performing arts for a year
speaks English and doesn't mind going nude if the part merits it
What's she playing at?
It's a shame she doesn't know how to act
That girl's not right in the head
Honey, have you got your guest list yet?
Yeah, here you go
Just these?
What do you mean just these? How many people do you want me to invite?
Well look at mine
Fucking hell! What is this, the electoral roll?
No, it's a first list, I mean we'll have to choose from it
I don't want any more than 300
Ah ok, I can put my mind at rest then
- Just a private gathering - Exactly
Sure
Right, now we know how many people we're gonna invite
we need to start looking for somewhere to hold the reception
But doesn't that come with the church?
No!
Honey, don't get depressed, I'll take care of it, ok?
Hi, we're here for our evening shower
because we're under so much stress
Hang on a minute, you've got hot water now
Oh really? No-one has told us anything!
That president doesn't fill us in on anything
Right
Well, as we've got our nighties on, we can come in to the party, right?
Yeah sure, come on, this is pure sponging now
Well yeah, what's the point in lying about it?
We're neighbours, though, right?
You can't take the hydro massage away from us all of a sudden because we'll get cold turkey
Right, come on, go and get over it at home
But now my bathroom makes me depressed
What, you wanna come and have a shower here for free every night, is that it?
Well, how about giving us a pass for a special price then?
Good night!
Young people nowadays! They wanna keep everything for themselves!
We live in a democracy, don't we?
Well we're all equal and I wanna live like those 2
What are we gonna do? Buy a hydro massage?
It's either that or smash up the boiler
No, there's no need
Those 2 are in and out all the time because of their wedding planning
Tomorrow when they go out, we'll get the keys from Emilio
and come up here for a shower
But how are we gonna go in without their permission?
She just told you! With the key!
You don't listen, Vicenta, you don't listen!
I just ran into the synchronised swimming team from the 1952 Olympics
What are you doing here? We didn't arrange to meet today
Yeah, but I thought I'd come and take you out to dinner
I can't, I've gotta go to the burger bar
Marcela's sick
Belén!
Look, your job isn't worthy of your skills or your boyfriend
Right, but what am I supposed to do?
Because I've tried everything
There are more copies of my CV out there than the Yellow Pages
I don't know, come and work for me
What?
My company's public relations department is looking for an attractive, self-assured girl who's good with people
Look Carlos, I don't believe in mixing love and work
but in this particular case I think it sounds great to me
- Let's celebrate! - Yeah
But first, a little present to welcome you to the company
What's he bought her? I can't see, this camera's shit!
It's a ring, man
Well he's fucked up then because Belén doesn't like cheesy stuff like that
Thanks darling!
Take me to the burger bar, I need to hand in my resignation
No, hang on
She called him darling!
Stop it, it's not the computer's fault!
Switch that thing off, those cameras were a stupid idea!
Look it's obvious, Belen's with Carlos because he takes care of her
Hey, I took care of her too!
Really? Did you give her presents?
No, that's what Santa's for
Did you take her out for dinner?
Did you take her to work or pick her up?
But she was scared of my moped and I was saving up to buy another helmet
See? You have to do nice things for girls
What did she ever do for me apart from cheating on me?
You lost her because you didn't put in any donkey work, man
I thought giving her my body was enough
No, that's not everything, Emilio
and less so in your case
I'm gonna go talk to her
No! You'll ruin everything!
Belén, we need to talk, you're making a big mistake
Not again!
Look, you're getting kind of annoying now
Listen, the dark side's saved you, otherwise I'd have smashed your face in
I'd like to see you try!
Emilio, calm down, Carlos is a black belt in Aikido
For your information, Belén told me my dick's bigger than yours
What?
No, I never said that
You've sold yourself for the money, right?
Sure, when they give you rings and a new job
How do you know all that?
Leave him, he's not worth it
But there's no way he could know that!
Belén, think about it! Love can't be bought or sold, that's why it's not in the supermarket
What are you going on about!
I don't know!
Come on
Belén, I'm not telling Emilio your personal stuff
Well he's finding out stuff about my life that only you can know about!
About the ring, the fact he's retarded, the sale, everything
How could I tell him if I haven't seen him!
That's it! You're texting him
Do you seriously think I'm that twisted?
Alicia, you tried to ruin my relationship with Carlos from the start!
Whoa! As if I needed to!
What do you mean?
He's using you, Lucía's the one he's into, there's no future for you 2
Look who's talking! Your relationships last less time than a peace agreement in Palestine
Plus, since you started dating him, you've got so full of yourself
Well as madam's not happy and nor am I
the best thing is for you to find another place
And why do I have to move out?
How about because I'm the one who pays the rent!
Oh and that's a good enough reason, is it?
You're crazy
Look, tomorrow I want you to find another place
Some friend you are!
Grass!
Why are you telling Belén stuff you saw through the cameras?
That's what I told him, he's gonna mess up the business
It was one of my crazy moments but I'm over it now
It's just that before I used to get them out of me with Belén in bed and now I can't
Well, if you wanna win her back, I can help you
Alright, let's hook up and make her jealous!
No, I'm not helping you all that much
But we could take advantage of the cameras to show Belén that Carlos is using her
Sounds good
Fernando, look what I've got
No, of course I'm angry, you don't do that kind of thing
No, tell Agustín that tomorrow I'm gonna have words with him
Yeah, I'm laughing but it's not funny
Ok, see you tomorrow
Look what I've had published!
Mauri, I haven't been fired!
What?
Yeah, those bastards at the office played a joke on me
I swear I'll get them back for this
What did you wanna show me?
No nothing, just an article
but it's nothing compared to the amazing news you've given me
Let me see it!
No, it's not my best work
- The office - Don't answer
Let's go celebrate, ok?
Mauri give me my phone, it might be important
No, I bet it's just another joke. Look, they hung up
Come on, I'll throw away the newspaper and we'll go
Yes...yes speaking
I've been fired!
No, sorry, you're too late
They told me it was all a joke
Sorry?
No but in what newspaper?
Yes, Mauricio Hidalgo
No but there must be some kind of mistake
Wait, listen, I swear...
Hello?
Let me see that newspaper!
Mauri, give me that newspaper!
Alright, alright
Here you go
No, I want the page
Would you mind telling me what this is?
The law doesn't discriminate
It's an opinion piece
But don't you realise the hornest's nest you've stirred up at my work?
But...you call them all kinds of stuff!
Come on, don't exagerrate, it's not that bad
It's basically a factual article with no disrespect intended
That rancid law firm, cesspit of homophobes, perverts and die hard Nazis straight out of Nuremberg
Alright, I might have allowed myself a bit of poetic license
but you're making it sound way worse than it is!
Right and who gave you permission to lead a crusade on my behalf?
I didn't name you, I just put your 2 initials
But who do you think you are? The Ghandi for gays?
Ok, I'll write a letter of retraction and problem solved
You'd better because they're suing you
What! Why?
For libel...what the hell possessed you to mess with a law firm?
Well you can defend me
I can't defend you if I work there!
Well worked I should say because they've fired me
See! They did fire you after all, the gang of homophobes
I'm going to the gym or to hell, we'll see
- Emilio - Yes
Go outside and get my girl's blouse for me, it fell off the washing line
How about putting the pegs on properly once in a while?
If I kept everything that falls off in 6 months, I could open a boutique
No, I'm the one opening the boutique, you get me the blouse
because Natalia wants to wear it to go out
She won't keep that on for long!
What!
No nothing, I'm going
These are the ones
Ew, gross!
Doña Paloma, there's nothing here!
Have you had a good look?
You can't have a bad look here, there's only 2 square metres
Oh ok, sorry, I must have got confused, bye
First we'll call by the publisher's and then go see the church
But the priest needs to go get his hair cut because he's got a baptism at 1
Well, get him to make a slot for us and marry us there and then
Morning! Making arrangements for the wedding, are we?
Right
Why don't you pop down to my house one day and I'll show you my wedding photos?
so you can get some ideas
Thanks a lot, we'll let you know
And let your hair grow, girl, so you can make yourself a bun
some curls or some waves, you'll look nicer
Ok, I'm going up, bye
It's such a lovely moment, enjoy it!
What's up with her today?
I don't know, maybe the bank gave her some crockery
Agustín, you have to tell Ramón that the dismissal thing
was a joke you played on me that Mauri took badly
I would but I'll get myself in trouble
Yeah but what about the trouble I'm in?
Right but I can't afford to lose my job because I've got kids
whereas you haven't and barring major breakthroughs you never will either
Very well, you force me to go to the office with the letter you sent me then
and let me remind you that you falsified the boss's signature
What are you doing?
Keeping my job
I'll put it back together right now and..
Give it to me! Give me the letter!
We're lawyers and we know what we're talking about
But I thought we were friends!
And we are!
Look, we can still play tennis together
and you're invited to my son's baptism
Anyway, relax, you're talented
You'll find something
Fuck this tastes bad!
What happened? What did he say?
Well basically he said he won't confess and he swallowed the letter
What do you mean he swallowed it?
Yeah, he ate it
You will insist on not putting out anything for guests to nibble on!
That's 5 years of work at that company gone down the drain
I'm gonna talk to your boss right now and explain everything to him
No Mauri, don't do anything else for me! Please, stay out of it
What are you playing at!
Are you deaf! I've been calling you!
I was thinking about things, what do you want?
The ones from the third floor have gone out, I saw them from the balcony
Have they gone out?
Dressing gowns on everyone! There's not much time left
Meeting in 5 minutes on the third floor landing
Here, have a bit of apple
Who is it?
Is that you Fernando? It's Ramón
Your boss, your boss is here!
What have you done?
I swear I haven't done anything or talked with anyone
You breathe, let me do the talking
No, I'll do the talking
- I'll just breathe then - Yeah
Open up
- Hello - Hello Fernando
Can we talk for a second?
Yes, I'll just go...
No, you stay here
Come in please, sit down
Would you something to nibble on?
Er no thanks
Fernando, I've got good news for you
One of your colleagues has cleared up this business of your dismissal
The first one or the second?
The first...the joke with the letter
Who told you? Agustin, right?
No, it was Jose María, he's taken up your case
Have it! That's because he's gay too
What!
Fernando, he made a pass at you in the bathroom!
No, look, never mind about that
Fernando, you're a great lawyer and work hard at the firm
So as soon as your friend publishes a statement of rectification in his newspaper
we're willing to reinstate you straight away
and turn a blind eye to your sexual inclinations
Thanks a lot, I didn't mean to call you a die hard Nazi
No, wait a second, what do you mean "turn a blind eye to my sexual inclinations?"
Well, it's obvious that we'd rather the partners in the firm be normal people
but it's not essential, though
So you means gays aren't normal people?
No but it doesn't matter. You don't show it, anyway
Right, tomorrow I want to see you in the office
He'll be there without fail
No, sorry but I've just decided not to go back there
And you know what the best thing is?
Mauri's article was right so if you'd be so kind...
we're the ones who don't want abnormal people in our house so get going
Suit yourself
But you're letting a good opportunity go
Maybe you're the one who's doing that
Wow! Impressive!
That felt so good, seriously
Hey, you might be on the dole but you've got guts!
Yeah!
Alicia, what's going on up there?
Is the chick still in the nest? Over
I'm ready but they still haven't come out of the bedroom
and we're talking on the phone so don't say "over"!
I'll be right back, darling
Wait, don't hang up
Someone sure woke up on the right side of bed this morning
Oh, so you're still here
I'm gonna buy some oranges for breakfast
What! You've never made me fresh orange juice!
Well you've never done the things Carlos does for me either
Look out, she's on her way down. Let the show begin!
Ok, over and out!
She's coming down
Emilio, don't you see that if we show her the cameras, our business is over
God, what are you like! Your friend's suffering from a broken heart and all you can think about is money
Look, I'm lonely as well, the only company I've got is the cigarette machine in the video store
Often I just get a pack of fags to have someone to talk to
Look, there she is
Listen Emilio, we can't go on like this
Yeah, come on, I'll show you that the only thing that shines about your knight in shining armour
is the gold in his bank account
What are you going on about!
Go on
Come in and sit down
Look
Carlos, have you got a second? I wanna talk to you
What's this?
Paco put some cameras in your house to make one of those sociological study things
Nobody's seen this, though, have they?
No, just Emilio and me
Well, us and another 40 thousand people on the internet
but just people from Japan, the Philippines and that
Are you 2 sick in the head or what!
You mean people out there have seen me in my birthday suit!
Relax, I bet they were all looking at Alicia
Right! That's how you kept finding out about everything
and why she wouldn't stop playing the fool around the house
Shut up and look how little this bloke loves you
Paco, give me sound, we can't hear anything
No, sit there because this is my good side
Oh, alright
Hey listen, I've been friends with Belén for a long time
and I think what you're doing to her is so wrong
You get what I'm saying, right?
Er no
If you're into Lucía, go conquer Lucía!
but don't take advantage of a poor girl who's got her heart set on you
who's had loads of traumatic experiences with men and is really insecure
because, you know, physically she's not as blessed as others
What's her problem?
Shush! We're missing things, let them finish and we'll discuss it afterwards
Look, between ourselves, I've always been into Lucía
and I admit that hooking up with Belén was the perfect chance for me to make her jealous
There you have it!
No more questions, Your Honour
So you don't have any feelings for Belén then?
No no, excuse me, from the moment I first met Belén
I knew she was a really special girl and I was gonna fall in love with her
She's tender, modest, caring
she's got everything I could ask for in a woman
so I don't even remember Lucía
Oh, and physically Belén is stunning
No, he saw the camera and he's making it up to talk his way out of it
Maybe the laptop's got a virus or something
Right, I'm off because I'm in a hurry
Oh, and if in half an hour, you haven't gone upstairs to remove the cameras
I'll report you both and you'll end up in jail
Maybe that way I'll come out on top. At least I can eat for free there
You can see he's lying
cos you're not tender or caring or anything
Look Emilio, I feel you, really I do
I know what it's like to be dumped
because that's what always happened to me before now
No, now as well because I dumped you, ok?
Alright, you dumped me
But we can get back together whenever we like
No Emilio, we're not gonna get back together
our relationship wasn't going anywhere
Anyway, it's better to have me as a friend than as a girlfriend
But why?
Because...it just is, ok?
Ok
Friends?
Friends
Hey, one last time?
- Emilio! - Alright, friends, friends
Ok, so we're agreed, I'll shower first
then my sister and then you because you take the longest
I bet the hot water will all be finished by then
Don't worry, cold water is really good for circulation
Oh God, are all 3 of you gonna use the shower?
Not you as well?
Don't say anything, I'm gonna make the most of the fact my wife's gone out for a walk
What a president! What a disgrace!
Hey, you're doing the same thing!
Listen, there's someone taking a shower in there
I thought you said they'd gone out!
I saw them leaving
Sure, but then you 2 took forever to get changed
Come on, let's go right now!
No, let's not go because they're coming
Who's that taking a shower in there then?
And what shall we do now?
Evasive action!
What!
Hide, dammit!
Honey, I told you the priest had to leave and he left
Well I had to hand in my drawings
But why insist on coming with me if you have to work?
I'll call my sister and problem solved, the 2 of us can go together
Yeah but I want to help, I don't want you to think I'm...
No way!
What's wrong?
I thought you 2 were going to look at churches
Oh God, this is something out of science fiction!
Would you mind telling me how you got in my house?
Everyone's using the shower here. What's the big deal? Have you got a problem with me or what?
And to top it all off, she gets nasty!
So she breaks into our house, gets in the shower
puts on my dressing gown, and then to top it off, she gets nasty!
You can't have that in there
That ought to be in a gym. We're gonna hold a meeting to get rid of it
Paloma, are you sick in the head or what?
Get out of my house right now or I'll throw you out myself!
I'd like to see you try!
Come on! Keep calm!
But what's he doing here?
Come on, we're all neighbours
Hey, can one of us go use the shower while you're arguing?
No! Now look here, how many people are there breaking in here?
Juan, how could you come back up again! You've hurt me again!
No you listen to me! Who gave you the key? Emilio?
Well anyone with a key, give it back to me now!
Thanks!
As president of the community, I need to have a copy of all the keys
Any more?
Yeah, I've got another one at home but I'll bring it right up to you
We're so absent-minded you see
Really? You don't say!
Whose idea was it to make copies of my house keys?
We didn't like to bother you! Because we're coming in and out all the time
Fuck, it's just that you've got such a good life and one gets used to good things so quickly
Well I'm sorry but I've had it with you
so I'm reporting you all to the police!
Come on Lucía, it's almost Christmas!
You can hang the police report from the tree then
Right, that's it
So, you can't make copies of this type of key, right?
No, to make a copy...
you need to give head office a secret code so that then they can...
No, don't say it to me out loud
write it down for me on a bit of paper, ok?
Roberto, I swear I didn't give your key to anyone
they stole it from the box!
Well lock it with a key for fuck's sake!
But there's no budget for more locks
Look, I don't want you to lose your trust in me
especially with the Christmas bonus just around the corner and me needing another helmet for my bike
Oh, are these your wedding invitations? Am I invited?
No, these are UNICEF Christmas cards, don't you buy them?
No, what for?
Well because in addition to wishing people happy Christmas, you can help over 80 million children around the world
Oh, and whereabouts can I get them?
In the bank, the tobacco shop...
Ok, but you'll invite me to your wedding, won't you?
Sorry but I've come to inform you that this door
which you've installed without first consulting the community, is totally unacceptable
and radically alters the appearance of the staircase
Right, I'm off because I'm neutral like the Swiss
I would remind you that any modifications to public features of the building
need to be announced with 15 days notice
in order to be voted on in an emergency meeting
Although of course I could always turn a blind eye
if you withdraw the complaint you filed against us in the courts
See what they're like, Emilio?
It looks solid, it's a good door
These folk buy good quality things
Well, that's class for you, Señor Juan
I don't know where people get this idea that we're all equal from
Look at that door!
And it's nice as well!
Right, now all you need to do is come out of the closet with the neighbours
Mauri, after everything that's happened, I think I deserve a rest
I was just saying that because now you've hit your stride...
Look what happened to me at my work! Imagine what could happen if I tell these people
Come on, you just had a bit of bad luck, that's all
I mean, on coming out of the closet you tripped and banged your head
but it needn't always be like that
Well, we'll see when I tell them. For now, I've got enough on my plate with finding a job
Right, but you've got enough money for my Christmas present, right?
I've already bought you your present
Really, what is it?
I'm not telling you
It's not there
Give me a clue, what is it?
Give me a clue, go on! Is it big?
No, I'm not telling you anything
I don't care, I'll find it
I told you it's not there
It's just in case I didn't look well
You've ruined my night telling me that, I won't get any sleep now
Me neither
Vicenta! Vicenta, come here, I've got a surprise
- What is it? - Look, look
I bought a shower even better than Lucía's one
They're gonna install it
Are you mad!
Relax! We don't have to start paying for it for another 6 months
But where are we gonna get the money from?
We'll think about that in 6 months
Don't worry about it, old people don't go to prison!
I'm not old. Anyway, have they shown you how to use it?
A man's coming to explain it to us now
Ladies, congratulations on purchasing your top of the range hydro massage shower
Now I'll explain to you the basic operating procedures. They're very simple...
Any questions?
Good. A word of warning: don't use the sauna if you suffer from...
Enjoy it!
Have a good afternoon! And you too!
Why don't we send it back?
Well, for me, as long as the radio works...
Yeah right!
Natalia!
I'm here
God, you 2 stress me out from first thing in the morning
Who knows what you'll do when I'm not around
Mum, there isn't a direct link
between the volume of your voice and how much attention we're gonna pay to you
I'm gonna take internet away from you because you come out with weirder and weirder stuff every day
And when are you gonna take a shower?
When Dad comes out
Oh God!
What's Dad doing in the bathroom?
I don't know
Juan, what are you doing in there?
There's no hot water!
I'll skip taking a shower
No you won't!
Fuck taking a shower with cold water!
Hey, this is torture, you know
Oh Juan, the boiler hasn't packed up, has it?
I don't know, I'll go down and talk to Emilio now
Well I can't get cold in my condition
What condition?
What! I'm pregnant!
God! I'd forgotten
Well don't you forget about it!
Have you taken your vitamins?
Yeah!
And have you taken the pill?
Yeah
Ok get dressed then because you need to get to school
Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
and the caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Throw together in a cocktail shaker
thunder and lightning, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Hey, why's this called a recorder when it doesn't record?
Stop slobbering all over my recorder, I've got an exam!
Alright!
Look, here's that cocksucker come to get Belén
Honey, I'm downstairs now
Sorry?
It's on hands-free
Ok, I'm on my way down
Alright, I'll wait here for you
- Hello - Alright!
God I wanna get the mop and hit him like this with it!
No Emilio, that's not the right path. Afraid be you, perhaps
Fear leads to anger, anger leada to hate, hate leads to suffering
and suffering is the path to the dark side
What are you going on about!
It's Star Wars, man! That's what Yoda says
Yeah but nobody took Yoda's girlfriend away from him
Look at him in his convertible in the middle of winter
He must be freezing, the asshole
No because the seats in that car have got heating
Sure, you saw that in Star Wars as well, did you?
Hey Belén! Can we talk for a second?
No Emilio, not now!
What do you want?
No smartass, it's not about sex!
Well actually it is. What's he got that I haven't?
I'll tell you again...he's handsome, attentive, smart
He's got money and he's got a future
All superficial stuff. He won't love you like I do
Well that's the idea
Come on, show a bit of respect, Belén, this isn't a game
Emilio, you need to accept that we're not together anymore!
Our thing was nice while it lasted
It wasn't nice!
Ok, it wasn't nice
And it didn't last either!
Ok fine! Forget what I just said!
Look Belén, I've lost some of my stubble thanks to you
If my hair starts falling out too, I'll report you!
Belén? Is there a problem?
No, I'll be right there
No, one more thing!
What now!
Whose is bigger?
Emilio, size doesn't matter
That's because I win then
How are you, darling?
This seat's lovely and warm!
See!
"See!" Shut your gob!
Emilio, why's the heating not working?
Well because it's really cold
But what's that got to do with it?
Things always break when you need them most, that's life for you
- Dad, we're gonna be late! - Coming
Well I've called the engineer but he can't come till tomorrow
so take a look at the heating because we can't go on without hot water!
Alright, I'll look at it but to me machines are like your kids to you
I don't understand them
- Dad! - Coming
God, now the boiler's broken, what a mess!
What do you expect? It's ancient, it's a miracle it's lasted this long
Hurry up honey, we're gonna be late
Fuck, Lucía! Why do we have to get up so early to see this church?
Because it's not 1 church: it's 15
Hopefully one will give us an early date
But do we have to see them all? Don't they have a phone number?
No, you have to talk to the priest in person, look
Here are the time slots
Look, why don't we get married in Las Vegas? It's way easier
I'll dress up as Elvis and you can be Madonna
Oh, what a great idea!
But let me remind you that you're the one who wants to get married in a church
I'd quite happily go to Menorca and get married in bare feet on the beach
Sure, how convenient!
My 87 year-old gran walking in high heels on the sand
Well there's no need to dress like at a conventional wedding
Alright, I'll tell her to wear a bikini
Right well as we're gonna get married in a church, let's find a nice one!
Fuck, I've gotta submit the Christmas special by the day after tomorrow
Well stay here and draw then
I'll take car of it, I'm on holiday anyways
No, we'll do it together
Ok
How hard can it be to organise a wedding? We'll be done in no time
- Right, let's go look at churches! - Let's go!
Roberto, this is gonna be so much fun
What are you doing? Did you sleep in here?
I had to choose between the rent for the flat and for the video store
I'm broke, man. It's shit running your own business!
I told you! And it's even worse with this business
Put a girl with a cubicle or something in here to help people
I've got an idea to get past the crisis but you need to help me
But I'm skint, man
I swear if I had any money, I'd give you some
No, the business is here online, listen to this idea
Wow, the name sells itself
but who are the chicks?
- That's where you come in - Me?
Yeah, you install some mini-cameras in Belen and Alicia's place
We'll hook them up to the computer so then people can watch them online
But we can't put cameras in a house to watch people's intimate moments!
That's really sick, man
No, there's a TV programme which does the same thing
Oh, if it's on TV, that's alright then
Anyway, don't you wanna see what Belén does with that prick Carlos?
No, no, no way....
- Have you got the cameras there? - Yeah
Right, let's go upstairs!
- Hi - Belén's not here
No, look, we've discovered a fault in the central heating system of the boiler
and the heart of the problem is in this flat
That's why there's no hot water, we need to fix it
Oh, ok, come in
I'm nearly done putting my make-up on
No, you can't stay, though
because we're going to adjust the radiators and toxic fluids could come out of the system
it could be fatal
But I thought radiators contain water
No, they can contain water or anything else you can think of
A broken radiator is like a kinder surprise, you never know what you're gonna find inside it
If you stay, on your head be it
No, I'll go
I need to buy a blank video tape anyway
Today my advertisement's being released: turkey sausages with cheese
They're so nice!
Oh, that's great, you're gonna be famous
I hope so
Hey, if you're gonna check the radiators, what do you need the ladder for?
In case we can't reach...
No! It's because we carry out tests at different levels
Sure, like the English courses
But you can relax, we'll have this fixed in no time
Don't worry
No, I'm not worried, it's Concha's flat
She's so hot, we're gonna make a killing
Right Michael Jackson, where shall I put this?
Look one there, another one over there, and 2 in the bedrooms
Ok, well get the ladder cos you're gonna install them
Fuck!
Paloma, you could at least have put on an electric heater to warm the place up a bit!
Sure, and a glass of cognac for everyone
But it's cold in here, dammit!
Listen up, please, here's the president of the community
Welcome everyone, let's begin the neighbours' meeting!
Switch off your phones and don't smoke
And I'm not telling you to raise your hand to speak anymore because no-one pays any fucking notice
Right, the reason for this meeting is to inform you that the boiler's broken down
and we don't have heating or hot water
You don't say!
What, he made us come downstairs just to tell us that?
Obviously not. The fact is that the boiler in question is over 25 years-old
and some time ago, we were advised to replace it with a new one
Ok well let's change it then and problem solved
Let my husband do the talking if you don't mind!
According to my research, a new boiler could cost in the region of 10 thousand euros
- 10 thousand euros? - Over 1.5 million pesetas
1.5 million, come off it!
That's over 300 thousand per flat
He hits us more than the tax office!
Quit Señor Cuesta, QUIT!
It's hardly my husband's fault if the boiler breaks down! Get outta here!
Look, things get old and stop breaking!
Here's an example of that
Marisa!
It was just a joke, I'm gonna fluff it soon too
and stop taking away my half of the blanket!
But do we know what's wrong with the boiler yet? Has someone been round to look at it?
The engineer's coming tomorrow but Emilio, on a preliminary visual inspection
detected an anomaly in its functioning
I detected what?
A fault
Oh yeah, it won't start. You press it, and it doesn't start
What a technical analysis, now we can all rest easy
But we'll only have to do without the boiler for the shortest possible time: 2 or 3 days at the most
As such, I would ask for your understanding and patience in dealing with this ordeal
In other words: everyone put up with the cold and end of discussion!
But we can't shower with cold water for 3 days!
Well it's very good for the skin
It's a bit late for that!
You should have done what we did
we got a 120 litre immersion heater installed
in order to carry on having hot water in the event of a breakdown
What are you talking about! Quiet!
So you mean you've got hot water in your house?
Well...yeah
No! Of course we haven't
Sure, Daddy's money can buy so many things
Well I least I don't live off of my husband!
- What was that! - You heard me!
Hey, calm down! Anger leaves to hate and hate to the dark side where you can't see anything
She has the cheek to come and insult me in my own home, Juan!
But she started it!
Right, enough! We can't carry on like this all the time
Ok, to sum up, the engineer's coming tomorrow. and in the meantime
to cope with this situation, we need to have fortitude and strength of mind
Sure, we need to do what the guys who sell pirate CDs do: pull out the blankets
What on earth possessed you to tell the neighbours we've got hot water?
Sweetheart, if I go to a meeting, I do so to provide ideas
Meetings are like military service, it's best to keep your mouth shut
Right but I didn't mean to rub it in their faces
Well you rubbed it in good and proper. As if they didn't hate us enough already!
God, stop getting in a state about everything!
Hi, you don't mind if I take a shower here, do you?
Look lady, can't you shower in your own house?
You must be joking! One shower in cold water at my age and I could have a heart attack
Come on, don't exaggerate
Ok well look, on your head be it
No, Marisa! Come in!
Come on, it won't do any harm just this once
I'm really small anyway, I'll barely use any water
Right but immersion heaters run on electricity and need a ton of energy
Don't be a cheapskate, she's the one who pays the bills
And what do you know about it?
24 hour courtyard radio bulletin
By the way, have you got a towel? Because I forgot mine at home
Dont worry, I'll lend you one
And an ash tray?
Right!
Holy shit!
Look, here are the towels
What's this? Have you got a lift all to yourselves or what?
No, it's a whirlpool bath
They've got Walt Disney in one of these things, right?
Look, here are all the setttings: sauna, massage, hydro massage
then there's foot massage, back massage, radio
Has it got a radio as well?
Yeah, let's see, what setting shall I put on for you?
Give me everything, the whole lot!
Be careful with the sauna, you might give her breathing problems
Ok Marisa, we're outside, if you need anything, call me
Ok
Hey, can I light a match in here?
- No - A flaw
Fernando, what do you think about this for the dinner?
You're not getting dressed already, are you?
No, I'm trying on outfits
It's a really important moment in our relationship and the outfit needs to be right
What do you think?
God, who are you disguised as? If you grow a moustache, you'll look like my grandad
Should I wear something more gay?
No, not more gay, wear plain, ordinary clothes like you always do
Oh, so I'm plain and ordinary!
In other words, my clothes are cheap then?
No, look, wear whatever you like, ok?
Come on, help me out here, I'm nervous!
Well so am I
I'm about to tell my colleagues that I'm gay!
Don't back out now! I know what you're like
we'll show up at the dinner and you'll introduce me as your second cousin
No, I've made the decision now, I won't back out this time
Have you taken a tranquiliser pill yet?
Yeah
Well take another one because I'm already on my third
Look, what bothers me most are the shoes because lawyers really pay attention to them
and I don't know which ones to pick even though I've got so many
I reckon this isn't working, there's something wrong here
Look! It is working!
We're gonna make a killing, man!
Right but can you already see this online?
Yeah, now this can be seen from anywhere in the world
in the Philippines, Japan, and all that?
Yeah
Hurry up, they're gonna show my ad!
This is the last time I invite you to a premiere
But did they tell what time it's gonna be on?
Look, now Belen's here with that bastard
Turn up the sound
Oh, look! This is the one!
with 5 % turkey
that's why, they taste of turkey
I can't live without them
Well...what do you think?
Erm well...it makes you wanna buy sausages
Yeah, it's really subtle, right? Really suggestive
It is, right?
I wanted to convey that it wasn't just another ad
to make sure it doesn't slip under the radar
No, it certainly doesn't do that
You didn't like it, did you?
It's terrible
Did they at least pay you well?
What do you know about this business? This is how Marilyn Monroe started
What, advertising sausages?
No, doing ads
Right, she did one like this and then topped herself
Don't get angry, girl!
Sod her, she made enough fun of me about me and Emilio
Yeah, that was really funny, though
I mean, what were you playing at with the caretaker? He's retarded
Emilio had his good points
Anyway, I was going through a bad time
It must have been really bad to end up with him!
I'm going up there to smash his face in!
Stay where you are, you can't know anything about this
But I'm hearing it right now!
Emilio please, don't mix business with love
Look, let's switch to number 2 because I bet Alicia's getting changed
No, put number 1 on cos I wanna see the living room
No, 2 cos that's not good for you
No, dammit! I wanna see what they're doing!
Right but I wanna see Alicia!
Look, you're driving me crazy here! Sit still!
The thing with Emilio was kinda weird
I still can't get my head round it
It's like that wasn't me. It's like when you go to the sales...
You don't need anything but you always buy something
Why? - No-one knows
Ok, but now you've got me
He's gonna kiss her!
Hey!
Someone's coming!
Hey man, did you know Alicia and Belén are online? They've put cameras in...
Oh! So it was you two. What sons of bitches!
Hang on, what are you doing surfing those websites?
I was looking for Byron's biography and that came up
So I'm a sale, am I? Fine!
Emilio please, don't say anything because this is illegal
Well I've already told all my mates
That's fine cos we need to make money
Mum, if we invite Uncle Javier, we'll have to invite Aunt Marta
and if we invite Aunt Marta, we'll have to invite Uncle Joaquin
and you know Uncle Joaquin and Uncle Javier don't get on
ever since Aunt Marta left Uncle Joaquin for Uncle Javier
No, there's not gonna be any security
It's a wedding, not a Justin Bieber concert
Well look, we'll have to choose. Either security guards or orchestra
Lucía, that woman's been in there for an hour and a half
Maybe something's happened to her
Look mum, I'll talk to you soon, ok?
Bye, take care
Hey honey, we need to make the guest list
Didn't you hear me! I've been calling her and she's not answering
Alright, I'll take a look
Shit guys, I feel as good as new
This is so much better than sex
It's relaxing, right?
If they'd invented this 40 years ago, there's no bloody way I'd ever have married Manolo
Right, well back home now for a glass of milk and a bit of TV
Hang on, I might buy one of these
How much do they cost?
8,200 euros
Fuck girl, I'm being serious!
No, seriously, 8,200 euros
God, you can't retire nowadays
They need to give discounts on hydro massages, not on the buses
- Bye - Bye
Look, how happy she's gone away
That's what worries me
Look, it's like a car wash, you get bubbles everywhere
Look at my skin
It's smoother, right?
That's because I set the sauna
Oh, it's got a sauna as well then?
Yeah and a radio. I fulfilled my sexual fantasy: to take a shower with Chris Tarrant
A shower can't have a radio!
Right, if it gets wet, you'll get electrocuted
Vicenta, they've anticipated that
Keep in mind that the person who invented it wasn't you
Well I wanna try it!
Yeah, let's go get our dressing gowns!
But don't you see what the snob's game is?
She's rubbing her money in our faces! You're degrading yourselves
Oh well, it's worth it for a bit of hot water!
Paloma, you're just jealous cos she's not gonna let you use it
Like I'd want to! Or anyone else from my family!
Here we'd rather shower with cold water, right Juan?
Right
Hi! We've come to use the shower
Marisa said the bubbles are amazing!
Hey, this isn't a spa for the elderly, you know
Son, my neck's in such a bad way
Hey honey, I'm meeting my mum
Concha and Vicenta wanna use the shower and I'm working!
Well if we let Marisa, we can't say no to them
I can, you watch me!
No babe, the poor things, it doesn't matter, it'll only take a second
Right, and who's the one lumbered with them?
Come on
Thanks a lot!
Us neighbours are here to help each other
Hey, is the dog gonna take a shower as well?
No, I'll leave him with you, he's no bother
Bugsy going first!
Hang on, let me explain how it works
Hey I'm off, honey, ok? I'll call you in a bit
Ok, bye
Meantime, I'll put the telly on. How does it switch on?
That's the phone!
Roberto! How do you stop the bubbles?
I told you to wait for me!
Shit, cover yourself up, woman!
Bye darling
Anger leads to hate, hate's the path to the dark side where I grab him and beat him up
How's it going, Emilio?
Just mopping, you know, what with me being a retard
Erm right, see you later
Hey look out, the floor's still wet
We wouldn't want you to slip and bang your head against the bannister
Oh no
Blows to the head can be fatal
Thanks. See you later
Tomorrow I'll wax
Honey, what did you forget?
No, it's me, so I'm a sale, am I?
Caretaker section, shags for a special price?
Emilio, have you been spying on me?
You're so retarded!
Not that again! Look Belén, I was gonna give you another chance
but now you've ruined it. I'm dumping you
But you can't dump me if I'm dating Carlos!
No, don't start making excuses, you won't make me change my mind
We're finished, get used to it!
Pain in the ass!
How did he find out about that?
Right, just relax and smile
God, what a stage! Are these the people you work with?
Now everything makes sense
Hey, which one's your boss?
The one next to the lady with all the jewellery
Holy crap! No, don't tell them, they're gonna take it really badly
It's decided, I just need to find the right moment
Relax!
Let's go
What's up, Fernando?
Hey! Agustín, let me introduce a friend of mine, Mauri
Nice to meet you
Hello
This is my wife
- Hi, how are you? - Nice to meet you
- Good evening - Congratulations by the way!
This will be your third, right?
You know what happens when I put my mind to something!
And when's the baby due?
According to our reckonings, after dessert
Sit down or you'll miss your dinner
- Yeah, come on - Let's get out of here please!
No, let's sit down!
Hello, hello, we're here now
Alright there?
Hello Fernando
Oh, sorry, sorry!
- How silly - Are you alright?
Yeah
Yeah, it's fine
I'll eat with my left hand
We should have set the cameras up in here cos this is where everyone's taking a shower
What a wonder! That's not taking a shower, it's something else entirely
Next!
It's your turn, isn't it?
No, you go first, I'll wait for the film to finish
The picture on this plasma TV is amazing!
Ooh, it's my turn! Here I go!
Hey, the shampoo's nearly run out
What! Don't use that, man, it's for hair loss and it costs a fortune!
Why do you bother with it, anyway?
Faith moves mountains, Roberto
Hey!
- Hi - Hi, how's it going?
If it isn't the founder of Bubbles Without Borders
Paco, you haven't come to take a shower here too, have you?
Yeah, because he's living in the video store and the only shower there is the one in Psycho
Plus, I've given you a voucher: 6 movies for 36 euros
You've got some nerve! That's a standard price
I said a voucher, not a discount voucher. I need to make a living, you know
Lucía, can I have a word?
Yeah
Hey, take your feet off the table!
Look, this is too much!
This isn't helping out, it's sponging
Yeah, but what we can do? Kick them out?
Yeah, fuck them, they can shower at home with cold water
Quiet! Relax, tomorrow they're gonna fix the boiler
They'd better
Look Roberto, when I'm rude to the neighbours, you get angry
and when I try and help them out, you're the same
They've used up all my shampoo!
Quiet!
Hang on, here come more of them
- Hi - Hi
Is there much of a queue?
No, only 2 of us
Oh ok, in that case I'll sit here and have a fag
Fine
What, you here again!
But you already had a shower this afternoon
Yeah, I like to keep clean. Do you want one?
Well Fernando, when are you gonna change that car of yours?
This company's got an image to uphold, you know
Yeah, to be honest it is a bit old
but I've grown so fond of it
Come on, man, there are so many cars out there nowadays
Get yourself a real car, not that nancyboy thing!
I'll tell them now in the break before dessert
No, hang on a second, don't get up!
A moment of your time, please
Yeah, listen up everyone, our NEW PARTNER...has something to say
What was that?
You've beaten us to it, Fernando, so I'm announcing it now
From the first of January, our work colleague, Fernando Navarro
will become a fully fledged partner
in the board of directors of this law firm
Bravo! BRAVO! SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN!
Thank you very much
Right Fernando, what were you going to say to us?
Nothing, just that he's really happy
No, yes...well in the first place, I'd like to thank you for the trust you've placed in me
I promise to do my best to be up to the position
But I'd also like to give you some information related to my private life
but which both my partner and I want to...
to share with all of you
Uh-oh, you're getting married on us! You're trapped now, man!
No, it's not that, I can't get married for the moment
No, what I wanted to tell you is that...
that I'm gay
and that this person here at my side is my boyfriend
Long live the grooms!
Thanks! Thanks a lot!
Juan, are you in the bathtub now?
Yeah! Hurry up, honey, I'm freezing
Ok! I'm coming
Right, bend your head over
Hang on, did you check the...
Shit Paloma, are you trying to kill me!
Alright! How would the little Lord like his water?
If possible, below boiling point
Mum, put a few eggs in there so we can eat them for breakfast
Your father's a cry-baby
Ok, who's next?
- Her - Him
Lucía!
Busy!
Hey, hey! No jumping in, I'm next!
For God's sake! How did you get in?
Lucía let us in
Oh and she said she was going shopping
and if you want flavoured yoghurts to call her
You need to get some new magazines
Ooh you've got a blender, you can make loads of things with one of these, right?
How does it work?
Don't touch that!
Hey, what are you doing with my dumb-bells!
Working up a bit of a sweat before my shower
I need bigger muscles cos there's loads of competition
But what do you lot think this is! A gym?
Do you wanna come into the bedroom for a massage from Lucía?
Oh, does she give massages?
No, I was being sarcastic!
Right, come on, go and shower at home all of you!
Roberto, show a bit of compassion, we don't have any hot water
Anyway, Lucía said we could use the shower and it's her place
Hey, how much was this TV?
Lady please, I told you not to touch that!
Good morning neighbour
Look, the thing is, cold water's not for me
and I thought you wouldn't mind if I...
No, of course not!
Good, but this is an unoffical visit, ok?
If anyone asks, I was never here
Oh! Ok fine, come in
Look who it is, el señor Cuesta!
Oh God! Who's last in line please?
Me
You're gonna flip out, man
Welcome to hydro massage wonderland!
Shit, it's really her
What's up Jose Mi?
Nothing, I've just brought a few friends who want you to sign an autograph for them
An autograph?
Ooh, you're my first fans
Did you like my advertisement?
Er, yeah they love your work
Yeah, my dad does too
Don't think becoming famous is easy. What's your name?
Jaime
My grandad's hooked as well, he says you've got an ass to die for
Oh! Thanks a lot?
Ooh, sorry gotta leave you, it's my agent
No doubt to offer me more work
Ok, see you later
Stop drooling, you lot!
And Belén was making fun of my ad!
Hey Antonio! Your star speaking
What's your game? You think you're smart, is that it?
Sorry?
Alicia, what on earth possessed you to place cameras in your house
and show it online without saying anything to me?
What! But I haven't placed any cameras!
Sure you haven't! Put down the remote now, will you!
Hold on, where are you watching me from?
From my office computer
For your information, Alicia, 20 % of what you make goes to me
it's in your contract
Fuck! Quick, quick!
I told you that camera was really obvious!
Er yeah but there's an explanation for all of this
They're Paco's chicks so he'll explain it all to you
Go on!
It's a sociological study of the customs of single, modern, western women
Have you lost your minds!
No-one's seen me naked, have they?
No, don't worry, only when you got undressed
Don't report us please! We'll take out the cameras right now, I swear
Don't even think about it!
I want 50 % of the business
No, look, it has to be divided in equal shares, listem
30 % for me, 30 for him, and 30 for you
What about the other 10?
Oh, there's another 10?
Well for me then, for labour
Done! Thanks a lot
It's the perfect shop window
I'm gonna use it to display all my talent
I bet a film producer will see how well I play my part
Hey, if you're gonna play a part, then do Basic Instint or Emmanuelle, something that sells
Or do what you like and be yourself
Children, it has reached our ears that the upstairs neighbours have a shower
with hydro massage, sauna, radio...in short, a wonder
A completely useless and unnecessary wonder that some of our neighbours are using
And don't let me catch you going up there to use it!
Oh no! No-one is to go up there!
But why do you care? Roberto's my mate, he won't mind
But I do mind and I'm your mum!
Can't you see that fighting with the couple upstairs won't get you anywhere!
Right, cos you and Lucía get along great, don't you?
The snob's winning over the neighbours with that shower
I don't know, she's doing them a good turn
No! It's a strategy I'm telling you!
I know she wants to be president again
We need to buy a much better hydromassage than her one
Do you have any idea how much they cost!
Who cares? Armando works in a bank
so he can give us a loan
Sure, taking out a loan is very easy. The trouble is afterwards you have to pay it back!
Well, give private lessons in the evenings, we can't let your talent go to waste
I don't know...
If we'd opened the boutique, right now we'd be in our country house with a hydromassage in all 4 bathrooms
God, not the boutique again!
Alright, I'll talk to Armando and see what he says about the loan
That's it, honey, give me a kiss
Hey! That gel's not the stuff I buy
Well I don't know, I think it's the stuff I've always used
You haven't been upstairs for a shower, have you?
No, I'd never ever...
I can't take showers with cold water
Oh Juan! I'm pregnant and you're going up to the snob's place to take a shower!
I'm going to my room to cry, you've hurt me, Juan
You've really hurt me!
My husband doesn't understand me, my children ignore me
That snob wants my life
What a mess! When's that boiler man gonna come!
Hi!
Well, how was work? How did you first gay day go?
To be honest, really well. They were all lovely to me
See, it was easy, and you've lifted a weight off your shoulders
Oh there was a letter from the practice here
Actually, I think Jose María made a pass at me in the bathroom
Jose María? Oh, but I thought he was married
Right he is
It's obvious, you'll see
They'll be coming out of the closet in their masses
like a gay explosion and this is just the beginning
in less than a year, you'll be running the firm, you'll see
What's wrong?
I've been fired
What?
Yeah I've been fired, they're thanking me for services rendered
and terminating my contract
And they're doing it by letter!
But why they have fired you?
Why do you think?
It's because you're gay
No, it's because I told them. See, I was right!
This can't be happening, Fernando
Sure, coming out of the closet is lovely
because here we're all liberal and modern but the reality is different
people aren't ready!
But that's discrimination! Sue them!
Right and how am I gonna prove that they kicked me out for being gay?
No, they're terminating my contract, giving me severance pay and job done
Afterwards, they'll come up with any old excuse to justify it
- The sons of bitches! - Yeah
What a great idea that was! Come out of the closet just to go straight on the dole
I feel terrible, how was I to know they'd fire you?
No, don't worry, it's not your fault
Well no actually it is your fault!
But don't worry
But surely you're not gonna take it sitting down. You've got to do something!
Look, you know what I'm gonna do today? Go for a walk
because I need to get a bit of fresh air
Fernando, I'm so sorry, seriously
I'll show them!
They don't know what they've got themselves in for!
Ingrid, it's Mauri. Yeah, listen, I need a favour
Can you publish a really juicy article about sexual discrimination for me tomorrow?
Yeah, I know it's really late, but I'm asking for it as a personal favour
Ok, thanks, I'll send it to you in half an hour
Go get them! Let's go get them!
I thought this was an emergency service, it says 24 hours on the brochure!
Right, 24 hours is how long it takes us to come
Señor Cuesta, advertisements are like parables
you mustn't take them literally
Right, let's see what's wrong with this boiler!
Well, I'd say it's an open and shut case of malfunction
Emilio, let the man do his job
Alright!
Fixed
Already? What was wrong with it?
Nothing, the power must have conked out so you needed to press the restart button to unlock it
It's a security mechanism but the boiler's fine
In these situations, reading the instruction manual really helps, you know
And all this time I've been taking cold showers and getting burnt by wife!
How was I to know, Señor Juan?
Right, sign here for me because we're finished now
100 euros for labour!
But all you did was press a button!
I don't get paid for pressing a button but for knowing which button to press
Thank you very much, good afternoon
Did you at least notice which button he pressed?
Neighbours, I've got wonderful news for you: the boiler is working again
in record time and for the modest price of 100 euros
without VAT because we didn't write out an invoice
Great Juan
Now you can go back to enjoying your central heating and hot water
Don't all thank me at once
I wanted to get in the sauna before going out
The one time something didn't need fixing and he goes and rushes!
What a president!
This man never does anthing right
Can't you see that he does it just to annoy us?
Well this is all I needed!
You mean you're giving me an earful for solving the problem!
Ignore them Juan, ignore them
From now on, everyone washes in their own home and end of discussion!
And if you want bubbles, join a swimming pool
because you're retired and they'll give you a discount
Come on Juan
Oh well, all good things come to an end
No, no way! I can't live without bubbles
Me neither!
We've already had 30 thousand views in under 2 days
30 thousand views! Fuck, those 2 are gonna be more famous than Pamela Anderson's fake tits
Hey, I wanna go upstairs so my mum can see me
Has your mum got internet, though?
Oh shit, you're right, she hasn't
Ok, let's see what they're up to
Alicia, I'm going to the burger bar
Fuck, have you got an audition to be a game show host or something?
No, I'm staying home, why?
Well it's just that you've got your warpaint on
You're always laughing at me! I can't take it anymore!
You humiliate me! You make fun of my dreams!
And my hopes! And it hurts!
Oh, you're driving me crazy! CRAZY!
But what's wrong, are you alright?
I don't care. Let me tell you something, Belén
you don't appreciate the girl you've got for a flatmate
someone with talent, who studied performing arts for a year
speaks English and doesn't mind going nude if the part merits it
What's she playing at?
It's a shame she doesn't know how to act
That girl's not right in the head
Honey, have you got your guest list yet?
Yeah, here you go
Just these?
What do you mean just these? How many people do you want me to invite?
Well look at mine
Fucking hell! What is this, the electoral roll?
No, it's a first list, I mean we'll have to choose from it
I don't want any more than 300
Ah ok, I can put my mind at rest then
- Just a private gathering - Exactly
Sure
Right, now we know how many people we're gonna invite
we need to start looking for somewhere to hold the reception
But doesn't that come with the church?
No!
Honey, don't get depressed, I'll take care of it, ok?
Hi, we're here for our evening shower
because we're under so much stress
Hang on a minute, you've got hot water now
Oh really? No-one has told us anything!
That president doesn't fill us in on anything
Right
Well, as we've got our nighties on, we can come in to the party, right?
Yeah sure, come on, this is pure sponging now
Well yeah, what's the point in lying about it?
We're neighbours, though, right?
You can't take the hydro massage away from us all of a sudden because we'll get cold turkey
Right, come on, go and get over it at home
But now my bathroom makes me depressed
What, you wanna come and have a shower here for free every night, is that it?
Well, how about giving us a pass for a special price then?
Good night!
Young people nowadays! They wanna keep everything for themselves!
We live in a democracy, don't we?
Well we're all equal and I wanna live like those 2
What are we gonna do? Buy a hydro massage?
It's either that or smash up the boiler
No, there's no need
Those 2 are in and out all the time because of their wedding planning
Tomorrow when they go out, we'll get the keys from Emilio
and come up here for a shower
But how are we gonna go in without their permission?
She just told you! With the key!
You don't listen, Vicenta, you don't listen!
I just ran into the synchronised swimming team from the 1952 Olympics
What are you doing here? We didn't arrange to meet today
Yeah, but I thought I'd come and take you out to dinner
I can't, I've gotta go to the burger bar
Marcela's sick
Belén!
Look, your job isn't worthy of your skills or your boyfriend
Right, but what am I supposed to do?
Because I've tried everything
There are more copies of my CV out there than the Yellow Pages
I don't know, come and work for me
What?
My company's public relations department is looking for an attractive, self-assured girl who's good with people
Look Carlos, I don't believe in mixing love and work
but in this particular case I think it sounds great to me
- Let's celebrate! - Yeah
But first, a little present to welcome you to the company
What's he bought her? I can't see, this camera's shit!
It's a ring, man
Well he's fucked up then because Belén doesn't like cheesy stuff like that
Thanks darling!
Take me to the burger bar, I need to hand in my resignation
No, hang on
She called him darling!
Stop it, it's not the computer's fault!
Switch that thing off, those cameras were a stupid idea!
Look it's obvious, Belen's with Carlos because he takes care of her
Hey, I took care of her too!
Really? Did you give her presents?
No, that's what Santa's for
Did you take her out for dinner?
Did you take her to work or pick her up?
But she was scared of my moped and I was saving up to buy another helmet
See? You have to do nice things for girls
What did she ever do for me apart from cheating on me?
You lost her because you didn't put in any donkey work, man
I thought giving her my body was enough
No, that's not everything, Emilio
and less so in your case
I'm gonna go talk to her
No! You'll ruin everything!
Belén, we need to talk, you're making a big mistake
Not again!
Look, you're getting kind of annoying now
Listen, the dark side's saved you, otherwise I'd have smashed your face in
I'd like to see you try!
Emilio, calm down, Carlos is a black belt in Aikido
For your information, Belén told me my dick's bigger than yours
What?
No, I never said that
You've sold yourself for the money, right?
Sure, when they give you rings and a new job
How do you know all that?
Leave him, he's not worth it
But there's no way he could know that!
Belén, think about it! Love can't be bought or sold, that's why it's not in the supermarket
What are you going on about!
I don't know!
Come on
Belén, I'm not telling Emilio your personal stuff
Well he's finding out stuff about my life that only you can know about!
About the ring, the fact he's retarded, the sale, everything
How could I tell him if I haven't seen him!
That's it! You're texting him
Do you seriously think I'm that twisted?
Alicia, you tried to ruin my relationship with Carlos from the start!
Whoa! As if I needed to!
What do you mean?
He's using you, Lucía's the one he's into, there's no future for you 2
Look who's talking! Your relationships last less time than a peace agreement in Palestine
Plus, since you started dating him, you've got so full of yourself
Well as madam's not happy and nor am I
the best thing is for you to find another place
And why do I have to move out?
How about because I'm the one who pays the rent!
Oh and that's a good enough reason, is it?
You're crazy
Look, tomorrow I want you to find another place
Some friend you are!
Grass!
Why are you telling Belén stuff you saw through the cameras?
That's what I told him, he's gonna mess up the business
It was one of my crazy moments but I'm over it now
It's just that before I used to get them out of me with Belén in bed and now I can't
Well, if you wanna win her back, I can help you
Alright, let's hook up and make her jealous!
No, I'm not helping you all that much
But we could take advantage of the cameras to show Belén that Carlos is using her
Sounds good
Fernando, look what I've got
No, of course I'm angry, you don't do that kind of thing
No, tell Agustín that tomorrow I'm gonna have words with him
Yeah, I'm laughing but it's not funny
Ok, see you tomorrow
Look what I've had published!
Mauri, I haven't been fired!
What?
Yeah, those bastards at the office played a joke on me
I swear I'll get them back for this
What did you wanna show me?
No nothing, just an article
but it's nothing compared to the amazing news you've given me
Let me see it!
No, it's not my best work
- The office - Don't answer
Let's go celebrate, ok?
Mauri give me my phone, it might be important
No, I bet it's just another joke. Look, they hung up
Come on, I'll throw away the newspaper and we'll go
Yes...yes speaking
I've been fired!
No, sorry, you're too late
They told me it was all a joke
Sorry?
No but in what newspaper?
Yes, Mauricio Hidalgo
No but there must be some kind of mistake
Wait, listen, I swear...
Hello?
Let me see that newspaper!
Mauri, give me that newspaper!
Alright, alright
Here you go
No, I want the page
Would you mind telling me what this is?
The law doesn't discriminate
It's an opinion piece
But don't you realise the hornest's nest you've stirred up at my work?
But...you call them all kinds of stuff!
Come on, don't exagerrate, it's not that bad
It's basically a factual article with no disrespect intended
That rancid law firm, cesspit of homophobes, perverts and die hard Nazis straight out of Nuremberg
Alright, I might have allowed myself a bit of poetic license
but you're making it sound way worse than it is!
Right and who gave you permission to lead a crusade on my behalf?
I didn't name you, I just put your 2 initials
But who do you think you are? The Ghandi for gays?
Ok, I'll write a letter of retraction and problem solved
You'd better because they're suing you
What! Why?
For libel...what the hell possessed you to mess with a law firm?
Well you can defend me
I can't defend you if I work there!
Well worked I should say because they've fired me
See! They did fire you after all, the gang of homophobes
I'm going to the gym or to hell, we'll see
- Emilio - Yes
Go outside and get my girl's blouse for me, it fell off the washing line
How about putting the pegs on properly once in a while?
If I kept everything that falls off in 6 months, I could open a boutique
No, I'm the one opening the boutique, you get me the blouse
because Natalia wants to wear it to go out
She won't keep that on for long!
What!
No nothing, I'm going
These are the ones
Ew, gross!
Doña Paloma, there's nothing here!
Have you had a good look?
You can't have a bad look here, there's only 2 square metres
Oh ok, sorry, I must have got confused, bye
First we'll call by the publisher's and then go see the church
But the priest needs to go get his hair cut because he's got a baptism at 1
Well, get him to make a slot for us and marry us there and then
Morning! Making arrangements for the wedding, are we?
Right
Why don't you pop down to my house one day and I'll show you my wedding photos?
so you can get some ideas
Thanks a lot, we'll let you know
And let your hair grow, girl, so you can make yourself a bun
some curls or some waves, you'll look nicer
Ok, I'm going up, bye
It's such a lovely moment, enjoy it!
What's up with her today?
I don't know, maybe the bank gave her some crockery
Agustín, you have to tell Ramón that the dismissal thing
was a joke you played on me that Mauri took badly
I would but I'll get myself in trouble
Yeah but what about the trouble I'm in?
Right but I can't afford to lose my job because I've got kids
whereas you haven't and barring major breakthroughs you never will either
Very well, you force me to go to the office with the letter you sent me then
and let me remind you that you falsified the boss's signature
What are you doing?
Keeping my job
I'll put it back together right now and..
Give it to me! Give me the letter!
We're lawyers and we know what we're talking about
But I thought we were friends!
And we are!
Look, we can still play tennis together
and you're invited to my son's baptism
Anyway, relax, you're talented
You'll find something
Fuck this tastes bad!
What happened? What did he say?
Well basically he said he won't confess and he swallowed the letter
What do you mean he swallowed it?
Yeah, he ate it
You will insist on not putting out anything for guests to nibble on!
That's 5 years of work at that company gone down the drain
I'm gonna talk to your boss right now and explain everything to him
No Mauri, don't do anything else for me! Please, stay out of it
What are you playing at!
Are you deaf! I've been calling you!
I was thinking about things, what do you want?
The ones from the third floor have gone out, I saw them from the balcony
Have they gone out?
Dressing gowns on everyone! There's not much time left
Meeting in 5 minutes on the third floor landing
Here, have a bit of apple
Who is it?
Is that you Fernando? It's Ramón
Your boss, your boss is here!
What have you done?
I swear I haven't done anything or talked with anyone
You breathe, let me do the talking
No, I'll do the talking
- I'll just breathe then - Yeah
Open up
- Hello - Hello Fernando
Can we talk for a second?
Yes, I'll just go...
No, you stay here
Come in please, sit down
Would you something to nibble on?
Er no thanks
Fernando, I've got good news for you
One of your colleagues has cleared up this business of your dismissal
The first one or the second?
The first...the joke with the letter
Who told you? Agustin, right?
No, it was Jose María, he's taken up your case
Have it! That's because he's gay too
What!
Fernando, he made a pass at you in the bathroom!
No, look, never mind about that
Fernando, you're a great lawyer and work hard at the firm
So as soon as your friend publishes a statement of rectification in his newspaper
we're willing to reinstate you straight away
and turn a blind eye to your sexual inclinations
Thanks a lot, I didn't mean to call you a die hard Nazi
No, wait a second, what do you mean "turn a blind eye to my sexual inclinations?"
Well, it's obvious that we'd rather the partners in the firm be normal people
but it's not essential, though
So you means gays aren't normal people?
No but it doesn't matter. You don't show it, anyway
Right, tomorrow I want to see you in the office
He'll be there without fail
No, sorry but I've just decided not to go back there
And you know what the best thing is?
Mauri's article was right so if you'd be so kind...
we're the ones who don't want abnormal people in our house so get going
Suit yourself
But you're letting a good opportunity go
Maybe you're the one who's doing that
Wow! Impressive!
That felt so good, seriously
Hey, you might be on the dole but you've got guts!
Yeah!
Alicia, what's going on up there?
Is the chick still in the nest? Over
I'm ready but they still haven't come out of the bedroom
and we're talking on the phone so don't say "over"!
I'll be right back, darling
Wait, don't hang up
Someone sure woke up on the right side of bed this morning
Oh, so you're still here
I'm gonna buy some oranges for breakfast
What! You've never made me fresh orange juice!
Well you've never done the things Carlos does for me either
Look out, she's on her way down. Let the show begin!
Ok, over and out!
She's coming down
Emilio, don't you see that if we show her the cameras, our business is over
God, what are you like! Your friend's suffering from a broken heart and all you can think about is money
Look, I'm lonely as well, the only company I've got is the cigarette machine in the video store
Often I just get a pack of fags to have someone to talk to
Look, there she is
Listen Emilio, we can't go on like this
Yeah, come on, I'll show you that the only thing that shines about your knight in shining armour
is the gold in his bank account
What are you going on about!
Go on
Come in and sit down
Look
Carlos, have you got a second? I wanna talk to you
What's this?
Paco put some cameras in your house to make one of those sociological study things
Nobody's seen this, though, have they?
No, just Emilio and me
Well, us and another 40 thousand people on the internet
but just people from Japan, the Philippines and that
Are you 2 sick in the head or what!
You mean people out there have seen me in my birthday suit!
Relax, I bet they were all looking at Alicia
Right! That's how you kept finding out about everything
and why she wouldn't stop playing the fool around the house
Shut up and look how little this bloke loves you
Paco, give me sound, we can't hear anything
No, sit there because this is my good side
Oh, alright
Hey listen, I've been friends with Belén for a long time
and I think what you're doing to her is so wrong
You get what I'm saying, right?
Er no
If you're into Lucía, go conquer Lucía!
but don't take advantage of a poor girl who's got her heart set on you
who's had loads of traumatic experiences with men and is really insecure
because, you know, physically she's not as blessed as others
What's her problem?
Shush! We're missing things, let them finish and we'll discuss it afterwards
Look, between ourselves, I've always been into Lucía
and I admit that hooking up with Belén was the perfect chance for me to make her jealous
There you have it!
No more questions, Your Honour
So you don't have any feelings for Belén then?
No no, excuse me, from the moment I first met Belén
I knew she was a really special girl and I was gonna fall in love with her
She's tender, modest, caring
she's got everything I could ask for in a woman
so I don't even remember Lucía
Oh, and physically Belén is stunning
No, he saw the camera and he's making it up to talk his way out of it
Maybe the laptop's got a virus or something
Right, I'm off because I'm in a hurry
Oh, and if in half an hour, you haven't gone upstairs to remove the cameras
I'll report you both and you'll end up in jail
Maybe that way I'll come out on top. At least I can eat for free there
You can see he's lying
cos you're not tender or caring or anything
Look Emilio, I feel you, really I do
I know what it's like to be dumped
because that's what always happened to me before now
No, now as well because I dumped you, ok?
Alright, you dumped me
But we can get back together whenever we like
No Emilio, we're not gonna get back together
our relationship wasn't going anywhere
Anyway, it's better to have me as a friend than as a girlfriend
But why?
Because...it just is, ok?
Ok
Friends?
Friends
Hey, one last time?
- Emilio! - Alright, friends, friends
Ok, so we're agreed, I'll shower first
then my sister and then you because you take the longest
I bet the hot water will all be finished by then
Don't worry, cold water is really good for circulation
Oh God, are all 3 of you gonna use the shower?
Not you as well?
Don't say anything, I'm gonna make the most of the fact my wife's gone out for a walk
What a president! What a disgrace!
Hey, you're doing the same thing!
Listen, there's someone taking a shower in there
I thought you said they'd gone out!
I saw them leaving
Sure, but then you 2 took forever to get changed
Come on, let's go right now!
No, let's not go because they're coming
Who's that taking a shower in there then?
And what shall we do now?
Evasive action!
What!
Hide, dammit!
Honey, I told you the priest had to leave and he left
Well I had to hand in my drawings
But why insist on coming with me if you have to work?
I'll call my sister and problem solved, the 2 of us can go together
Yeah but I want to help, I don't want you to think I'm...
No way!
What's wrong?
I thought you 2 were going to look at churches
Oh God, this is something out of science fiction!
Would you mind telling me how you got in my house?
Everyone's using the shower here. What's the big deal? Have you got a problem with me or what?
And to top it all off, she gets nasty!
So she breaks into our house, gets in the shower
puts on my dressing gown, and then to top it off, she gets nasty!
You can't have that in there
That ought to be in a gym. We're gonna hold a meeting to get rid of it
Paloma, are you sick in the head or what?
Get out of my house right now or I'll throw you out myself!
I'd like to see you try!
Come on! Keep calm!
But what's he doing here?
Come on, we're all neighbours
Hey, can one of us go use the shower while you're arguing?
No! Now look here, how many people are there breaking in here?
Juan, how could you come back up again! You've hurt me again!
No you listen to me! Who gave you the key? Emilio?
Well anyone with a key, give it back to me now!
Thanks!
As president of the community, I need to have a copy of all the keys
Any more?
Yeah, I've got another one at home but I'll bring it right up to you
We're so absent-minded you see
Really? You don't say!
Whose idea was it to make copies of my house keys?
We didn't like to bother you! Because we're coming in and out all the time
Fuck, it's just that you've got such a good life and one gets used to good things so quickly
Well I'm sorry but I've had it with you
so I'm reporting you all to the police!
Come on Lucía, it's almost Christmas!
You can hang the police report from the tree then
Right, that's it
So, you can't make copies of this type of key, right?
No, to make a copy...
you need to give head office a secret code so that then they can...
No, don't say it to me out loud
write it down for me on a bit of paper, ok?
Roberto, I swear I didn't give your key to anyone
they stole it from the box!
Well lock it with a key for fuck's sake!
But there's no budget for more locks
Look, I don't want you to lose your trust in me
especially with the Christmas bonus just around the corner and me needing another helmet for my bike
Oh, are these your wedding invitations? Am I invited?
No, these are UNICEF Christmas cards, don't you buy them?
No, what for?
Well because in addition to wishing people happy Christmas, you can help over 80 million children around the world
Oh, and whereabouts can I get them?
In the bank, the tobacco shop...
Ok, but you'll invite me to your wedding, won't you?
Sorry but I've come to inform you that this door
which you've installed without first consulting the community, is totally unacceptable
and radically alters the appearance of the staircase
Right, I'm off because I'm neutral like the Swiss
I would remind you that any modifications to public features of the building
need to be announced with 15 days notice
in order to be voted on in an emergency meeting
Although of course I could always turn a blind eye
if you withdraw the complaint you filed against us in the courts
See what they're like, Emilio?
It looks solid, it's a good door
These folk buy good quality things
Well, that's class for you, Señor Juan
I don't know where people get this idea that we're all equal from
Look at that door!
And it's nice as well!
Right, now all you need to do is come out of the closet with the neighbours
Mauri, after everything that's happened, I think I deserve a rest
I was just saying that because now you've hit your stride...
Look what happened to me at my work! Imagine what could happen if I tell these people
Come on, you just had a bit of bad luck, that's all
I mean, on coming out of the closet you tripped and banged your head
but it needn't always be like that
Well, we'll see when I tell them. For now, I've got enough on my plate with finding a job
Right, but you've got enough money for my Christmas present, right?
I've already bought you your present
Really, what is it?
I'm not telling you
It's not there
Give me a clue, what is it?
Give me a clue, go on! Is it big?
No, I'm not telling you anything
I don't care, I'll find it
I told you it's not there
It's just in case I didn't look well
You've ruined my night telling me that, I won't get any sleep now
Me neither
Vicenta! Vicenta, come here, I've got a surprise
- What is it? - Look, look
I bought a shower even better than Lucía's one
They're gonna install it
Are you mad!
Relax! We don't have to start paying for it for another 6 months
But where are we gonna get the money from?
We'll think about that in 6 months
Don't worry about it, old people don't go to prison!
I'm not old. Anyway, have they shown you how to use it?
A man's coming to explain it to us now
Ladies, congratulations on purchasing your top of the range hydro massage shower
Now I'll explain to you the basic operating procedures. They're very simple...
Any questions?
Good. A word of warning: don't use the sauna if you suffer from...
Enjoy it!
Have a good afternoon! And you too!
Why don't we send it back?
Well, for me, as long as the radio works...