Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 13 - Érase una fiesta - full transcript
It's boiling in here! Juan open the window for God's sake!
But it's freezing
Well I'm baked
This elderdown's something else!
Are you hot, sweetheart? - Yes
Well take this off
No, don't, it's late and afterwards I won't be able to sleep
Well tomorrow you can take a nap
No! You know it's gotta be at teatime, you can do what you like then
What's wrong? Are you angry?
Well lately we hardly ever seem to have tea together
If I don't feel like it, what do you expect me to do?
No, nothing, sure
You should read in the evenings. Your problem is you don't read anymore!
Right, that must be it
Sure it is
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
The caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Put together in a cocktail shaker
thunder and lightning, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The party
Hey Belén!
What do you want? I'm running really late
Late where?
None of your business!
How come you're not answering my calls?
Hasn't it crossed your mind that maybe I don't wanna talk to you?
Hey, I'm not gonna be waiting around for you forever, I've got loads of other offers
Sure, you're like a supermarket
You mean you don't care if I hook up with other girls then?
You can go hook up with your own grandmother for all I care!
Fine I'll keep you posted then. Just don't get jealous later
Here we go again! We're not together anymore! We broke up, remember!
Belén, we should be thinking about having kids
If we carry on like this, by the time we want one, you won't be able to anymore
That's it! Keep making things right!
Belén, you're getting old, you know
Fuck off!
Grow up Belén!
Guys like me only come along once in a lifetime
I hope so!
You're so dumb
Listen, the small screws aren't here
Well even if they are here, I can't put it together because I haven't got this screwdriver
But what do you put easily assembled on it for then? To take the piss out of your customers?
No, I don't wanna return it. With all the mess I've got here, I'd rather assemble it
I was only calling to get that off my chest
Morning honey!
How's the chest of drawers coming along?
It's not! I'm on step 2 and there are 14
This is slower than an Easter parade
Oh well, if you like, I can sing you a hymn and cheer you on a bit
The last thing I assembled was one of those cowboy Playmobil sets
I made such a bad job of it that the Indians always won
Honey, you know what I wanna do?
Help me put this together
Throw a party! Let's throw a party tomorrow!
Where?
Where do you think! Here!
We've been living in this place for 3 months and we've never done anything
Apart from fight with the neighbours. Isn't that enough?
Don't you wanna have some fun with your mates?
Yeah but not here. You hold parties in other people's houses, not in your own
No babe! We're gonna hold it here! And I'm gonna call my friends
And we can invite Fernando, Belén, and Mauri too if you like
What, you wanna invite the neighbours as well?
The ones we like, yeah
You've been smoking some weird shit you brought back from Istanbul, admit it
Oh God, you've caught me out!
Come on! I'll go get dressed, ok?
And then we'll go to the supermarket and buy the drinks
Hey, wouldn't you rather go to the zoo?
No honey, let's live it up a little!
Ok, but let's be clear that it's YOUR party
I'm not cleaning up afterwards
Here's your post
Oh ok, thanks
Hey, are you alright? You've been looking kinda down lately. Under the weather
Emilio, I've got a problem
My wife doesn't find me attractive anymore
No!
Yes, it's true
But that makes no sense
You're in great shape
No I know, I can see women on the street checking me out, sending me signals
Sure, one notices these things
Right but Paloma's keeping away from me. She's lost her sex drive
and you've got no idea what my wife was like in bed!
When she had an orgasm, she used to pull my hair
What hair?
That's the thing, Emilio, you see she was multiorgasmic
Why do you think she had to let me grow my beard?
Sure, she must have had her reasons, that's true
But now it's just excuses, hot flushes, heart flutters
She's tired all the time
Hey, maybe she's got that menopause thing!
Menopause? Already?
It's really bad, it's like all their hormones work in reverse
so they start doing weird stuff
My mum got a thing for hitting my dad and for making him sponge cakes
She'd either give him a punch or a sponge cake depending on what her hormones were like
You've gotta see it to believe it
- Sponge cakes? - Yeah
No, Paloma's never liked them
Honey?
Look Juan, I'm making a sponge cake!
Oh! But you don't like them
Yeah but it's for you because you'll eat it, right?
Er...yeah, sure
If you don't want it, tell me! Don't make me waste my time!
No honey, I'll eat it
Now I'm sweating again!
Tell Emilio to turn down the heating!
Paloma, are you alright?
No, I'm not. You've noticed, haven't you?
A little bit
Sure because you're very observant
Call the kids
What for?
Call them!
Natalia, Jose Miguel, come here for a second!
What's up then?
Your mother wants to tell us something
Yes, well I expect you've noticed that lately I haven't really been myself
No!
Yes, I'm not myself, but there's a reason for that
Of course there is, honey
I'm pregnant
What!
I haven't had my period for 2 months so I'm pregnant
Ah, so you 2 still...
Oh my God!
Have you taken a test or anything, though?
There's no need, a woman knows when she's pregnant
Now we really do need to move to a house in the country, Juan
Right, well I'm gonna go buy myself a Swiss roll because I've got a craving for one
See you in a bit
Dad, you haven't fully grasped the idea of family planning, have you?
Relax, your mother's not pregnant
She can't be
What's really going on is she's reached menopause
Fuck, that's all she needed!
What's menopause?
Something very strange that doesn't concern you
Now what's important is to be nice to your mother and not say a word to her about this
because she's very sensitive and takes getting old really badly
Yeah, my lips are sealed cos next month it's Christmas and I don't wanna get stuck without any presents
And I'll read up to see if we can deal with this problem as a family
together, the way it should be
Hey dad, this menopause thing's not contagious, is it?
Of course not!
Fuck, well if you'd just explained what it is to me!
There he is, ask him!
You ask him!
No, I'm a lady, I don't gossip
Like hell you don't!
Alright Mauri? How's it going?
Fine thank you, and you?
My sister wants to know what's happened to Fernando
because we haven't seen him around for days. Stop kicking me, dammit!
No he's fine, he's just gone away on a business trip
thanks for your concern, though
No, we weren't concerned! Just curious
It's just that as the other day we heard the 2 of you arguing over something to do with a closet...
Yes, we're very short of space, that's the thing
We're the same here
I don't know what to do with our summer clothes anymore
Excuse me for a second
Hello?
Mauri, it's me, can I drop round to talk to you?
Of course, whenever you want
I'm on my way
Who was that?
Señora please!
He's gone off with another man
Or another woman
Come on, the curtain's come down, let's go
Do you know how I used to wash my clothes when I was your age, you layabouts!
I had to go to the fountain, weighed down, and bend over to scrub!
That's very interesting but coming back to the subject of the washing machine
I don't know if you grasped the fact that it's not working
Well fix it!
No, you're the one who has to do that!
Me! Why when I don't live here?
But you're the owner
That's true and don't you 2 forget it!
Drop it Alicia, it's like talking to a brick wall
Look, if you don't like it, you can leave
I don't want to have unhappy tenants
Well well well, lovebirds, what's up?
Hey!
tomorrow we're gonna throw a party at our place
so if you wanna drop by, it's gonna be one hell of a night!
No?
What's she saying about a party!
Well "party", actually it's just a relaxing get-together with a few friends
We don't hold parties in this building because they bother the neighbours!
Well look here, I do what I like in my own home
Hey! What kind of way is that to speak to an elderly person?
No, what Lucía meant was we'll do our best to bother the neighbours as little as possible
No! Look here, if you're bitter and don't like the life you lead, then lump it!
But leave us alone
Armando! They're insulting me!
Just you wait till my son comes up!
Hey, can you give me what you just said in writing?
Yeah, it'll come in handy when she comes back
because she'll be back
Look, this is an essential tool for the modern man
Open it on any page and it spurts wisdom
Here you've got: vulvitis, vaginitis...
Let's not kid ourselves, you didn't have a clue about this
Well yes, you're right
Well that'll be 20 euros then
which is a very fair price considering the problem you've got
Ok, here you go
Great, well now that you've bought it, I can tell you
as a friend that it's completely worthless
Sorry?
Machines can be fixed but you can't do anything with menopausal women
Treat it as you would treat hemorrhoids: suffer in silence
Come on Dad, show a bit of respect, he's going through a hard time!
And it's only gonna get harder. See you around
That's it, get outta here! Give mum a kiss from me
Give it to her yourself for fuck's sake!
Don't worry, my dad's disillusioned with life
Go on, get studying!
- Hi - Hi
Marisa! Fernando's back!
I'm going to the kitchen
Why did you ring when you've got keys?
Just in case
May I?
How are you?
Fine, why wouldn't I be?
No, I'm fine too
Did I ask you?
Mauri, I haven't come here to argue
What have you come for? To apologise?
Sit down
Look, listen
This last week I've been thinking a lot about our relationship and everything that's happened
and I think I should never have left this house
No, of course not
Right, you're the one who should have gone
What's that!
The house belongs to both of us. You're the one who has a problem with me
No, you're the one with the problem because you won't come out of the closet
Fine, it doesn't matter who's got the problem!
What's wrong? Can't you take living with your nieces and nephews anymore?
Listen Mauri, why don't you go and live with your parents?
It's easier for you
Sure, that's just what anyone dreams of at my age
Do you know how much weight I can put on eating what my mum cooks?
Well this house belongs to me too and I'm not going anywhere
Well me neither
Well we've got a problem then
Mauri! Mauri!
What's the matter?
Do you mind stopping for a second while I go for a wee?
I'll only be a second
This is ridiculous, Fernando. By rights, this house belongs to me
I took care of the decoration and refurbishment
Yeah, with my money!
Well you had to contribute something, didn't you?
Ok, well if neither one of us wants to give up the house, we'll have to split it
I'll take the bedroom and the bathroom
No, I mean we'll have to sell it and split the money
No, I don't wanna sell
I'll buy your half, how much is it?
How do I know! We'll need to contact a surveyor
Well call one!
And in the meantime, go back to your sister's house. When the surveyor comes round, I'll let you know
No, I'm not going anywhere!
Well, you know where you're gonna have to sleep
No, we'll let fate decide!
Odds or evens?
Evens
Odds
1, 2, 3
Evens, you're on the sofa!
No, you took your fingers out afterwards
Mauri, you're always doing this to me. Come here!
They're the ones! They're the ones who insulted me
Sorry?
Leave it to me, you stay here
What's your problem with my mum?
No, look, it was a misunderstanding
What time's the party?
- Huh? - The party
Oh, around 9.30 - 10
Great! Cos I'm gonna come with a lady friend
Hey, is there gonna be any food? That way I can skip buying her dinner
Yeah, sure there'll be something
Ok
Right, you need to learn to show some respect for your elders, dammit!
That's it sorted Mum, let's go
Did you make it really clear to them?
Crystal clear
Who was that?
Armando. He said he's coming to the party with a lady friend
Cool, the more the merrier
Right, there's gonna be plenty of merriment
Ichi, it's Lucy, I'm throwing a party at my place
Yeah girl!
Yes! The new girl's having a party in their house tomorrow night
- What, the snob? - Yeah
What! I'm president of the community and nobody's told me anything about it!
Don't worry señor Juan, I haven't been invited either
Or me, and it's been ages since I went to a nice social
Vicenta, nobody uses the word social anymore!
No no no! No parties here, Juan. NO PARTIES HERE!
I bet there'll be noise and drugs and sex
No way we're missing out on that
Well, that party needs to be stopped
Who does she think she is? She can't just do whatever she likes round here!
Don't worry, I'll go up and make it clear to them
that I won't allow troublesome and injurious conduct
that jeopardises the harmony and tranquility of our building
That's what we want! Hooray, that's my President!
Well if she doesn't hold the party, then I will!
Shut up you old piss head!
Fart face!
What the fuck!
Wait till I get my hands on you! Come here!
Lucía!
Wow, fancy seeing you here!
I've come to give the bride a kiss because your dad told me you're tying the knot
Yeah
We're looking at dates
He got such a surprise. And so did I
It all happened so suddenly that you can see you didn't give it much thought
If you're sure about something, then why think about it?
Of course. Anyway, otherwise, how would lawyers make a living?
Carlos, what are you trying to tell me?
No, seriously...I'm happy for you
and I hope you'll be very happy in your marriage
I say that from the heart and I only hope you're not making a mistake
but you ARE making a mistake!
- Carlos! - Alright, alright
No, I'm happy because you look happy and that's all that matters
You are happy, right?
Yes, very happy. Do you mind if we change the subject?
Ok
Well how's your concert hall project coming along?
Ah! Great, actually
It's gonna look beautiful. We're building it next to the park with a pergola
But how on earth can you marry a guy like that when you've got me!
I just can't get my head round it!
Ok, look Carlos, what did you come here to do? Apart from critise me
Alright, sorry, I went too far there
You did kind of, yeah
Well, all I came here to do was to give you your wedding present
Runaway Bride?
A little something
A little something!
Well, let me know what you think of it
Hey
Hey Belén
Whoa, finally a guy who remembers my name
Did you come to make one last pass at Lucía?
No, to congratulate her on her marriage
Are you going down?
Yeah but I'd rather take the stairs cos I don't have good memories of this lift
Ok, see you later
Bye
Hey, long time no see!
Yeah well I like to chase after pretty girls
Ok, well I'm off because I'm gonna be late for work
Hey, do you need a lift?
No, it's just round the corner
Is this your car?
Yeah, well one of them
Alright then
Jump in
Just don't tread on the car mats
Jump in, jump in
Listen, the only thing is I don't wanna have any trouble with your boyfriend
No, I haven't got a boyfriend
Ah! I like the sound of that
Menopausal symptoms of Spanish women
Hot flushes, sweating, insomnia, heart flutters, migraines
incontinence, irritability, depression, loss of libido
dizziness and fatigue
Ah ok, you had me worried, it's not that bad
With that outlook, good luck telling Mum she's not pregnant!
No, we can't upset her
We need to go along with her and let her realise by herself gradually
Look Juan! Look what wonders they make nowadays!
Hang on, you didn't buy that, did you?
What's wrong, don't you like it?
No, all I would say is perhaps it's a little early
to start buying things for the baby so soon
No Juan, we're gonna have loads of expenses and by starting to buy stuff now
we won't have to spend as much in one go later on
But you're keeping all the receipts, though, right?
What for?
Well because maybe if it's a boy or a girl, we might wanna change the colour or model
Don't be old-fashioned, nowadays everything's unisex
Oh God, open the windows, it's as hot as hell in here!
I was just saying to the kids how hot it is in here!
Dad, she's gonna empty your bank account
We need to tell her now!
You're right, you tell her
Me!
This is a woman's thing, right?
But I've got enough problems with her as it is. Anyway, what do I know about menopause?
That's true, I need a specialist
Yeah
Or better still, 2! I'll go talk to the ladies downstairs
Menopause? We're experts
Right, what do you wanna know?
No, I've got a book on it, I know the symptoms
Hot flushes, loss of sexual desire
I've never lost my sexual desire
I lost mine a bit!
You've never had that in your whole life!
As you 2 master the subject, I'd like you to come upstairs to chat with Paloma
and make her see she's got it, but with a great deal of tact
and without ever mentioning the word menopause
because she's very senstive and is going through very sudden mood swings...
Yeah! I remember that Marisa was unbearable too
Sure, it was when Manolo left you
This man doesn't care about what Manolo did to me!
It was just to add a bit of background
Come on, let's go upstairs and talk to her
Be sensitive, though, and above all be tactful!
We're the queens of diplomacy!
Hello Paloma, welcome to the club!
What are you talking about?
We've come to pay you a visit because it's been ages since we had a chat as friends
Juan, what are those 2 doing here?
I don't know, they got the idea in their heads and..
Sit down over here, Paloma!
And you bring us some olives or something
A tonic water for me
Well for me a glass of chinchón
I haven't got that
You haven't but I have
Marisa, what's that?
It's my bingo case
This way, win or lose, I always come out happy
Ok, what do you want? I'm very busy
Your husband told us you're looking different
Oh yes, you couldn't keep it quiet, right honey
Well it's just that we're so thrilled
Why?
I'm pregnant
Would you mind telling me what's so funny?
Here are the olives
You're not pregnant, sweetie! You can't be!
But why can't she have a baby?
This coming from the other desperate one
I'm not desperate
Oh come on Vicenta, you feed the doves in case one of them's the Holy Spirit
I know I'm pregnant, I can feel it, I've had kids before
You're not pregnant, you're menopausal like us
What the hell!
And crisp, crisps for everyone
Really! That's all I needed to hear!
They come into my own home and insult me! Get out of here! For God's sake!
Come on Paloma, it wasn't an insult
And right to my face!
That's true. How dare the 2 of you come into our own home and tell my wife she's menopausal! What a cheek!
Jealous!
I tried man but you saw what happened
Unbelievable! What nasty people!
Did you see that? They tried to hurt me
Thank goodness I've got you to support me and love me
Yes sweetheart
How many metres is it according to the deeds?
82, right?
No idea
Well, at the moment, because of where the building is located
the market price of this property is 220 thousand euros, which is around 36 million pesetas
Damn, we paid 15 for it!
Well you need to pay me half: 18 million
But where am I gonna get that sort of money from?
Well I'll buy your share then
But I don't wanna sell. Anyway, like you've got 18 million!
Well what are we gonna do then?
Sorry, did you go 50-50 on this flat?
- Yes - Yes, that's right
Don't look at me like that! What, you think we're gays?
No, God forbid!
Why, what's so terrible about being gay?
Nothing, my brother-in-law's gay and my sister doesn't even know
Sure he is, and maybe you are too and don't know it either
- Me? - Yeah!
Right sure, if you'll excuse me, I need to go now
We can sort this out over the phone or better still, by email
- Goodbye - Goodbye
That was all I needed, another homophobic
Ok, well if you can't buy my share and I can't buy yours
that only leaves one option: sell the flat
Alright, we'll sell
And how long does that take?
I don't know, it depends, it could take days or months
Oh great! And in the meantime what are we gonna do?
I don't know, live together till we sell it?
Isn't that gonna be fun?
Yeah,..erm, what's for dinner?
Haha, you're so funny!
Good afternoon Lucía
Good afternoon
It has reached my ears that you intend to carry out a party in your property
Correct
Right
I request in the kindest possible manner and in my capacity as the sole spokesperson for this community
that you consider the possibility of cancelling the aforementioned event
in the interest of preserving the necessary nocturnal repose of our neighbours
Right Señor Cuesta, I appreciate your suggestion
and in the kindest possible manner
affirm my right as the proprietor of this residence to carry out within it
such activities as I consider fit and proper
ensuring nonetheless the absolute absense of any form of disturbance
Right. However, it would be a gross oversight to follow such a course of conduct without
due regard for the fact that the other proprietors are evidently aggrieved
by this impending troublesome event
One ought also to add that your attitude undermines the importance
of the basic premises adopted by us all
As an ultimate element of clarification, I would remark that in the event that
they persist with this intolerable uncooperative attitude,
I shall have no alternative but to tell them to take a long walk off a short pier
Good afternoon
Damn Emilio, you could have backed me up!
But I didn't know what you were talking about
Something about a walk on a pier, right?
Never mind, forget it
But are they holding the party then or not?
Weren't you listening!
It's tomorrow at Lucía's house and we're all going so now you know
No I can't make tomorrow because I'm meeting someone
Oh, and what about you, Fernando?
No, me too
Ok, we'll be there till late so you can call by afterwards
Whoa, the thing is I might be out all night
Yeah, no doubt I will be too
Not even for a little while? You can bring along whoever you like
In that case I might drop in
I might too
- I won't then - Me neither then
Well as you're kinda confusing me, I'll let you decide by yourselves
Now you know
Who are you going out with tomorrow?
- Did I ask you? - Ask me if you like
- Who are you going out with? - None of your business!
Wait, I'll open the door for you
because as you've been handling hamburgers, you'll have dried grease on your fingers
Ah! Thanks
- Well - Well
Thanks for bringing me home
No problem
What a coincidence that you happened to be passing by the burger bar
just as I was leaving work
Well, I don't believe in coincidences, Belén
Ah! Right well...
Ok, well I'll be on my way then
- Hey! - What?
I was thinking that as Lucía's having a party at her house tomorrow
maybe I don't know, maybe we could go together
but you don't have to, ok?
It's fine if you say no, I'm used to it
So does that mean you're coming then?
What do you think?
I don't know, I get kinda nervous when...
Well see you tomorrow
See you tomorrow
Bye
Juan, did you talk with the snob?
Yeah, and she seemed really receptive
and said she completely understands our position. However...
she's gonna have the party
Exactly
She's challenging our authority, Juan! THE SNOB'S CHALLENGING OUR AUTHORITY!
And if we let her have that party, we're gonna lose our influence
You don't want her to take the presidency away from you again, do you?
Oh no, don't even joke about that
But what do you want me to do about it?
If they wanna hold a party, it's their house and...
She's heard that I'm pregnant and wants to stress me out so that I lose the baby
Come on, she doesn't seem that twisted to me
They're jealous of us, Juan, and jealousy is really harmful
What, you think she hasn't tried to have a baby?
Sure they have, I've heard them at it
They're at it all day long, sex sex sex. And still nothing!
And look at us, we get down to it and bam! There's a baby on the way...
And the last 2 times it's happened without us even trying
Imagine what would happen if we tried for one!
I wanted to talk to you about that, sweetheart, because I think it's possible
that your pregnancy could be a false alarm
the result of stress or some bad food
Since you never throw anything away, well maybe...
So how come I haven't had my period for 2 months then?
when I've always had it like clockwork
Or perhaps it could reflect an alteration in your body
which is experiencing changes with the passing of time
Time waits for no man and for no woman
What are you saying? That I've put on weight?
No! Come off it! You look stunning
Ah, well I don't follow you, I don't know what you mean
and I'm getting myself in a state
and you've gone and shut the window again! Open it!
Ok, I'll open it now. Yes, I'm baked too
Do you mind telling me what you're playing at?
Putting up a sign. It tends to help when selling a flat
Wait till the neighbours see it, they're gonna give us hell
Yeah right! None of them will be interested in this flat!
Hi, I've come to look at the flat
Wait, are you interested in buying it?
Nah, no way, the thing is there's nothing on TV and...
Look, how much are you asking?
36 million for a first floor flat with less metres than mine!
Have you lost your minds?
Mind who you sell this flat to because I've got enough trouble with them 2 upstairs!
Listen, if you're moving and this place is gonna be empty, you can lend it to me, right?
Cos I'm with this blond girl at the moment and...
As President, I would kindly ask you to furnish me with a report on the new occupant
in order to avoid undesirable individuals in our community
36 million! Come off it!
Hey, before leaving, you'll give you me a tip for services rendered, won't you?
A golden handshake I mean
Yes, she says she's going ahead with the party
and taking no notice of us
What do you expect? With your husband as president, everyone does what they like
Hey, watch it, my husband goes to a lot of trouble for this community
Look, if I hear any noice tonight, I'll call the police and problem solved
No, that's no good
If that snob wants to have a party, let her
But let's make it one she remembers for the rest of her life
What do you wanna do?
She's just refurbished the flat, right?
Well, we'll get all and sundry in there
Wait till you see what a state they'll leave her place in!
You're so nasty, you know that
And how are we gonna do that?
Party! Party tonight in Flat 3a, party!
Open bar for everyone
in Flat 3a tonight
Hey, bring your friends, ok?
How's it going?
I've given out a whole book of tickets
but aren't you gonna come down for a while?
No, I'm First Lady and can't be seen doing that
Quick, quick! Those 2 are getting away from you and they look really bad
Oi boys! Tonight party with open bar in flat 3a!
There'll be girls
Well if they're all your age...
Hey, do you want an open bar or not?
How much is it?
What?
The ticket!
Oh erm...3 euros!
Party! Party on the third floor tonight!
Open bar for everyone!
Hey you! What are you doing tonight?
Open bar for 6 euros in Flat 3a
Señor Juan, here's what you asked me to get you from the pharmacy
Did they give it to you?
You're supposed to have a prescription
To get them to give me it, I had to weigh myself and get my blood pressure checked
According to the book, this is the solution to all Paloma's problems
Oestrogen patches
Oh, what are they?
You put them on your body and they take away your depression, hot flushes
tetchiness, and you get back your sexual appetite
Fuck, they do more than aspirin and you stop smoking too!
No, that's a different kind of patch!
I'll have to come up with something to get her to put it on
Oestrogen patches
They must have a chip or something in them that gets you going
This digital age is really something!
Paloma!
What?
Look what I bought in the pharmacy
Is that for your hair?
No, it's for you
They're new patches for...for stretch marks, dimply skin
and all the damage that being pregnant brings
You put this in your butt for 3 days and job done
That's useless, Juan. It's just a scam to get your money
After labour, I'll get mesotheraphy, liposuction and I'll be as good as new!
Come on, there's no harm in trying it, surely
It doesn't matter, just take it back, that's all
You know I love it when you worry about me
Juan, have you realised this baby's bringing us closer together than ever?
Yeah, that's what good about these things
Go get me some chocolate puff pastry hearts, honey
and make sure they're not too dry
Hi, good afternoon, I saw the for sale sign
Oh, come in, come in
Wow, what a lovely place!
The living room's spacious
Yes, the only thing is it's on the first floor and doesn't get much light
Wow, and such a beautiful kitchen!
It is, right?
Well it's nice but because it's in the open, all the smells get everywhere
Oh and if the washing machine's on, you can forget about watching TV
It's got 1 bedroom, right?
Yeah, that's the problem, only 1 and it's tiny too, look
Terrible
Well that's not a problem because I live alone
Oh well if I were you, I'd put bars on the windows
because we've been burgled 3 times already
You don't say!
There's a really good gym just round the corner, though
If you want, you could take up self-defence classes
They really came in handy for me
Really? Did you stand up to them?
No, I do yoga so I hid in the closet
Ok, well I'll think about it and let you know
There's no hurry, ok! I doubt many people are gonna be interested
I appreciate your honesty
I wish somebody had told me these things when I bought it!
Ok well good luck selling it
I'll do my best
Hello
Who was that, a buyer?
Yeah, I just showed her round the flat
And what did she say?
She didn't like it at all
Looks like finding a buyer's gonna be hard
What are you playing at?
It's just you were asleep and your skirt rose a little bit so...
Not behind my back, Juan! NOT BEHIND MY BACK!
We're gonna respect each other the way we've always done!
Do I take your car without asking you for permission?
No
Well this is the same! For God's sake!
Emilio, hurry up man, the party's starting!
Hang on a minute, I'm getting dressed up
God, what's with that aftershave you're wearing, man!
I need to pull Belén cos I miss her
To part or not to part, that's the question
Who cares! Come on!
After she's had a couple of drinks, I'll move in for the kill
I'm like a virus, I hit when their defenses are down
Right well we'll wait for you upstairs
Ok, see you later
I'm gonna score tonight, I've got the eye of the hunter
No, not this one, though. The other one's better
I love your shirt, the colour and everything's perfect, right?
Really? It's from Paris
Yeah I saw it and said to myself, that's got my name on it! I'm kinda crazy!
Right, who wants an ashtray?
Thanks honey
Hey, I love what you've done with the place, Lucía
but when I saw the hallway, I nearly died!
A junkie let us in!
No, come off it! That's the caretaker
No way!
Well, to be honest now I've got a kid, there's no way I could live without a garden
Living in the city centre's not bad, right? It's kinda Bohemian
Well, I guess...
Hey, has everyone got a coaster?
Because otherwise you'll leave marks on the table
Sweetheart, chill out! Have a drink
I was really stressed as well but now I started doing pilates, I feel great
What's up man? We're here for the party
No, it's not a party. It's a get-together with a few friends
Oh and what are we then? Come on, let's go in
Wow, nice chicks
They're friends of Lucia's from uni
They've all got boyfriends
Yeah but they're not here
Hey, what's up? I'm Paco, a film director
Yeah and I'm Jose Miguel, an astronaut
They're neighbours but they were just leaving
No! Stick around and have a drink
Look, the glasses are over there, help yourselves
What's going on with this music, man? It sounds like my dentist's office
I'll see what I can do
Hey, no!
Fuck!
Hey, don't touch that! Don't even think about it!
Hey, is the party here? I've brought chinchón
And I brought cinnamon cookies
Oh, you 2 are coming as well, are you?
Yeah, we can come in, right? I'll show you my driver's license if you like
I've just turned 18!
Wow, what a surprise!
- Hi gorgeous - Hi honey
Thanks very much, there was no need
Hi guys, how's it going?
Hi, I'm Jaime, we spoke earlier on the phone, I've come to look at the flat
Hello, come in
Alright?
It's really nice, I like the layout and the minimalist approach
Yeah, we've got a problem with the community now, though
because they said we knocked down a supporting wall
Can you believe it? As if the building's gonna fall down because we knocked down a wall!
You've just painted it, right?
We had no choice! The neighbour across the hall won't fix her bathroom
and the walls are constantly getting damp
Right, but there are 2 balconies! Wow, what a luxury!
Let's see
No, watch out! The council told us not to stick our heads out
as a precaution until they fix the front of the building
Oh, so the front of the building's not right
Yeah, that's what they say but the bill shouldn't be too high
Right listen, I really like the flat but
to tell the truth 36 million for a place with all these problems you're telling me about...
Well yeah, it has got a few problems, but remember you'll be living in the city centre
That's true, I love the neighbourhood
Wait till you see it at night! Just opposite there are these arguments between the pimps and the drug dealers...
Hi
But no, this is a wonderful flat, ok
Ok, I'll let you know because I need to think about it a bit
Alright but be quick because someone's gonna snap it up soon
Right, sure. Bye
Bye
Well, did he like it?
Yeah, sure, but he just came here to snoop around
Oh, it's not happening, is it?
No, be patient, Mauri, we have to be patient
- Hi - Hi
Is Belén there?
Sorry?
Is Belén there? I'm supposed to be meeting her
Oh, yeah, hold on, I'll go get her
Hey, Carlos is here
Oh already? Tell him I'll be right out
Are you gonna tell me what your deal is with that guy?
Well, I'm meeting him tonight, what's the big deal?
What about Emilio?
Emilio's fine thank you
Just so you know, I think what you're doing is disgusting
That's rich coming from you! You're always coming on to guys you don't even know!
Why can't you just admit that you're in love with Emilio?
Because I'm not! God, what's your problem!
Don't you realise that Lucía's the one Carlos is into?
He's just using you to make her jealous cos you live across the hall
Well you live across the hall as well and he doesn't wanna go out with you!
Yeah! That's the only thing about it I don't get
Anyway, we're just getting to know each other, I'm not sure if I like him yet
and nothing has to happen
Jealous!
Wow Belén, you look great
Thanks
Shall we go to the party?
Listen I don't wanna stress you out but there are people here I don't know
Like the guy opening the fridge over there, who's that?
Didn't you invite them?
No, I didn't invite anyone!
I don't know, honey, they must have come with someone else
Roberto, have fun!
Fucking ashes! Why do they think I put out ashtrays!
Honey, that's just what I mean
Come on, who's man enough for another round of shots?
What the hell is this?
A Marisa Surprise, just drink it and keep quiet
I'm saving myself for someone special, you know
I don't want my first time to be with just anyone
No leave it, I'll get the door cos there are people gatecrashing
Alright, suit yourself
Who you are?
A mate
Hey, aren't you a bit young to be at a party like this?
We can go to the bedroom if you like and you can put me to bed
How sweet
Fuck, why ask then?
Hey! Wow, it's really lively here!
Alright Roberto, long time no see
- How's it going? - Good
Hey! What a surprise!
Hey, I invited some friends of mine to the party. You don't mind, do you?
No, not at all
This isn't a party! It's a get-together with a few friends!
Well we're going to get drinks
Ok
Hey, what did you invite Carlos for?
I didn't
What's he doing here then?
I don't know!
Fuck!
Are those 2 together then?
Yeah, you're a fast learner
Thank God Emilio hasn't come
Girls, take a shot to make you feel alive!
Thanks a lot
That's alright. Hey, this party is so cool
Great
This girl always looks so nice, right?
What's up Roberto? The reinforcements are here now. Were you missing me?
No, this is finishing up now
Hey, is Belén here?
I don't know, man, there's so many people here
Ok I'll go look for her
What was I gonna say to you...what have you brought?
Cheese and biscuits, what the fuck, man! Beer!
Just as well they were gonna put the music on low!
The sound travels more when the windows are open
Call Emilio and get him to go upstairs. Or I'll go up and then there'll really be trouble!
I need peace and quiet in my condition
It's a bit late, Emilio might already be asleep
Well wake him up, that's what we're paying him for! Go on!
Hello?
Emilio?
Er...hello señor Cuesta
Where are you?
In my flat, where else would I be?
It's just they've got the music on full blast upstairs
What a disgrace! Pour me a bit more
Go upstairs at once and warn them that unless they drastically turn down the music, we'll call the police
Yes, right away, señor Juan
Hey, did you put the patches on your wife?
No I couldn't, I haven't found the right time
Well get to it as soon as you can because they're working great for me
I'm in a better mood already
What, you put an oestrogen patch on! But do you have any idea what they contain?
Erm, vitamins, ginseng, and all that stuff, right?
They're female hormones! Your hair's gonna fall out and you're gonna get breasts
Fucking hell! Oh well, I'll have to tell Belén about it
Later. First go upstairs and restore order!
Yeah, I'm on my way. Ok, good night
- Belén! - What?
What the fuck?
Alicia, you're acting like my mum!
Emilio's here!
But who invited him?
Right! And who invited him, and that guy, and him over there?
Hey, leave my marker pens alone!
It's no big deal, they're not together anymore
Right but let's go cos I don't want him to see me
Ok, wait while I distract him
Take him out onto the balcony
Hi
Hey Lucía, have you seen Belén? It's like a jungle in here
Er yes I have actually
Oh ok, where is she?
Emilio, come with me, I wanna show you something
Yeah, go with him
Alright alright...but what are we doing out here?
Emilio, do you realise how wonderful and complex the universe is?
Sure, really complex
Look, see that star over there? We're seeing it the way it was millions of years ago
It might not even exist now
Doesn't that make you think?
Yeah, right now I'm thinking you're drunk, I'm cold, and I'm going inside
No, oh look! Look at that!
Shit, you scared me!
- A shooting star over there! - Where?
Oh fuck, not now! You're not paying attention, man!
Shit, just imagine a meteorite suddenly fell on us and we all died
Right, well I'm gonna go find Belén before it does so I can bang her one last time
Alicia! Have you seen Belén?
She stayed at home because she wasn't feeling well
Ok, I'll go see her
No leave her, she'll be asleep now. You enjoy yourself!
Fucking door!
Leave it open then. Who cares?
But then anybody who wants to could get in
What am I talking about! They're already here. Mind the floor please!
- Hi, hi - Hi
The party's here, right?
No sorry, this is a quiet, private get-together
Hey! Come in!
Oh well, never mind, make yourselves at home
Cool party! Nice music!
Let's go to the bar, do you want a drink?
Shall we order tequilas?
Small ones, with lots of ice
3 tequilas coming right up! I'm the barmaid, wanna see my cleavage?
Oh my God!
Alright Roberto, how's it going?
Hold on, how come you're here?
I know the owner
Look, I think you'd better leave, if Lucía sees you...
Natalia! Fancy seeing you here
Yeah well, I was bored so I said to myself, what shall I do?
Right well great, help yourself to anything you like...from the bar
Hey Natalia!
The party?
Upstairs, in Flat 3a
I haven't got a ticket, though
That'll be 10 euros
I thought it was 6!
That was for advance sale, now on the door, it's 10
Are there chocolate doughnuts and all that stuff?
There's an open bar
I bet they're leaving her flat in a nice state
Juan. Juan! Juan!
How can you sleep with all this racket?
Come on, go upstairs and complain, make them sweat a bit
But Emilio's already gone up
Yeah but you carry more authority. Go on!
You're so lazy! Get moving!
I'll tell them! I was dreaming they'd made me headmaster
And in a bit I'll phone the police
That'll put pay to their party!
I'm saving myself for someone special, you know
because I don't want my first time to be with just anyone
Well we feel the same way
Really?
Hey, let's mix up the music a bit, shall we?
Why, have you got a problem with my music?
No, not at all. It's just I'm more into Bustamante
Bustamante? Get him!
God, what a mess!
Right, listen up! There are neighbours who have commitments and need to rest
and I'm not going to repeat myself!
If it isn't Juan Cuesta, Presidente of the community! Welcome to our party!
It is indeed and in my 12 years as President
never before have I witnessed such a sorry spectacle
Come on, for God's sake, chill out! Let's have a drink
No, I'm going home to my wife and kids
But your kids are here!
Hey, what's up Dad?
Jose Miguel, get down from!
Go on, have a drink
No, it's completely inappropriate
Stay Señor Cuesta, stay!
Ok, in view of this display of affection for me, I'll stay and have 1 drink
only 1 though!
a tequila
Right, the get-together with a few friends is over!
Everybody out! Come on!
Hey, I'm not gonna say it again, ok
I'm warning you, I'll throw your coats out of the window!
Honey, come dance!
That's it, you back me up
Fuck Armando, what are you doing?
Shit man, can't you put a bolt on the door or something? You're the fourth one who's come in here
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Hey, this is your place, right?
Yeah, why?
The whisky's run out, man
What are you telling me for! Drink tap water!
Yeah but I paid for an open bar!
What are you talking about?
Who gave you this?
The lady downstairs you've got working in public relations
Who?
I don't know man!
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me!
My life's a mess, Emilio. My kids, as you can see, ignore me
My wife's old, I'm old
Right but don't worry, have another drink
I've already had 2
Here, have a patch on the house
Oestrogen to make all your troubles go away
Stick it on properly, that's it
Come here for a second please
Roberto, this is getting a little bit out of hand
A little bit! I found Armando in our bed with a girl!
Some other guy I don't know is in the bath
and look, someone's been selling tickets for the party
No! No way!
Yeah! For 6 euros
What are we gonna do now?
I don't know about you but I'm calling the police to get them to clear the place out
What! We can't report ourselves!
So your name's Rose like the flower, right?
Never mind, I'll make a move on another one
Sure, you've got this
Right
Hey look, there's Belén!
And that's Carlos
Come on, let's go get ice
No, hang on a sec
Come on, we're gonna run out, man
What the fuck! He's kissing her, man
Let's go talk to those girls over there, come on, don't worry about it
No, leave me alone
Hey Emilio, this patch is amazing
I can feel it starting to take effect
Hey! Emilio!
Emilio, are you alright?
Yeah, I just needed to tidy up some stuff here
Come on, I'll open up the video store and buy you a beer
Why isn't Belén into me, Paquito?
She is, dammit! It's just that relationships are really complicated
I'd get surgery but I can't see anything wrong with me
Of course there's nothing wrong with you! We're the same
young, handsome, smart
Right, but why are we all on our own then?
We're not all on our own, man, we've got each other
You know what? I reckon this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like we've got a choice!
Hey, how about watching a film?
- What a party! - That blonde was so hot
Look out!
Good party
Oh thanks very much. We might throw another one for New Year's
except that it'll have to be more expensive
Have you seen my husband?
He's at the party
What! I don't believe it!
Who can blame him for staying there with what he's got waiting for him at home?
I heard that! Shut up you old psycho!
The truth is I'm waiting for the man of my dreams
Are you going already? But we only just met!
Yeah but it's best to take things slowly, it's more romantic that way
But we'll meet again, won't we?
Sure, we've got your number
Come on, let's get outta here
Ok
Hey, take your feet off the sofa! I've already told you 4 times
What the hell's going on here!
Get out of the way!
Jose Miguel, what are you doing here? Where's your father?
I don't know! Around somewhere
Get straight back home now, you're grounded!
Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist
Get out of the way! God you're drunk!
The music's finished
What do you think you're doing in my house, Paloma?
I'll deal with you in a second. Juan! Juan! Juan Cuesta!
Present and correct
Oh Juan, what have they done to you? Look at me, have you been drinking?
Well you know since I don't have to take the car to come back home...
Let's go home because you're not yourself when you drink
How could you do this to me in my condition!
Paloma, you're not pregnant
What?
You're menopausal
Don't talk rubbish, you're drunk!
I know but it'll wear off tomorrow
I'm sick and tired of this now, tomorrow I'll go the doctor's and you'll look like a fool. Enough!
Paloma, this is a private party so if you'd be so kind...
Look, if it wasn't for the fact I'm pregnant....
You're what?
You're pregnant! Well to be honest, that's quite an achievement at your age
What did you say!
Come on, we're losing the good vibe here, it's fine
Police! Move apart!
The party's over! Everyone go home!
It's not a party, it's a get-together with a few friends!
Wait a second! I'm President of the community
and if say there's a party here, then there's a party here!
Juan, you're making a fool of me in front of everyone!
This is the same one as usual, isn't it?
And so are you, for fuck's sake!
Sorry but we've been called to strip this property
so please don't make things any more difficult than they already are
Look, you work for me, I'm a taxpayer!
I pay your salary!
Sure you are and I'm your chauffeur so accompany me and I'll drive you to the police station
Me to the police station!
Whoa, what do you think you're playing at?
That guy's so tall, I got his jacket right in the face
Come on, everybody out
Hang on, why aren't you arresting the snob? She's the one to blame for all of this
Party in my house! At the next meeting, you're all invited!
Come on, everybody out, get moving
One eviction, another occupation. One eviction, another occupation!
- In silence! - One eviction, another occupation!
242 euros
Not bad for the first time
Where did you get all that money from?
From bingo and you keep your mouth shut!
Hello! Oh, what are you doing still awake?
It's because Gran went out to bingo
Mum?
She's making it up!
Can you believe that someone was selling tickets for Lucía's party?
Some people have no shame
Come on!
Ok, open your eyes a bit wider please
Can I talk to my wife? Because she's menopausal and tomorrow we've got a doctor's appointment
Yes!
Turn to one side
Not that side, the other side!
Thanks very much, now keep still please
It's alright, we've got him
Well the get-together with a few friends certainly went well
When's the next one?
Shit Roberto, how was I supposed to know the neighbours were gonna invite so many people?
Come on, this was always gonna happen
Have you seen what they've done to the wardrobe with the designer shoes?
And what about the wall?
Alright fine, you're right
I just wanted us to have a bit of fun
Well you definitely managed that! Emilio's been dumped by his girlfriend
Juan Cuesta's under arrest. And the house is a bloody mess!
She's the only one round here who enjoyed herself
No I had a good time too!
Eew! This woman smokes like a chimney!
And check this out, when the ice ran out, they started putting frozen croquettes in the drinks
Do you think that's normal?
Come on, admit it, deep down you had fun as well
Yeah, loads! Fuck Lucía, you're like Jehovah's witnesses: you love surprise visits
Do you love me?
Yeah
Honey, look, as they've left the walls like this, shall we take advantage and repaint them?
I've grown tired of this colour now
Roberto?
Roberto honey
Are you drained?
Settled, we'll take it
Sorry?
We'll take it, we'll give you the deposit right here and now
Ok but don't worry, it's not a good idea to rush these things
No! When you see your future home for the first time, you can feel it
This is it, right honey?
Yeah babe. The kitchen's so lovely with those rafters already in place
Yeah but there's no garage or anything
That's true and trying to find somewhere to park round here is a nightmare
That doesn't matter, we've spent the last 2 years looking for a flat like this
We've got the money ready, we can go straight to the notary
No, we need to think about it first
What! But why did you put the advertisement up then?
Do you want to sell the flat or not?
Yeah, I think we do, right?
I don't know. Do you want to?
Well that was what we agreed, wasn't it?
Sure, if that's what you want, then that's what I want too
Ok, so we all agree then
Now we'll go straight to the notary and sort out the paperwork
Mauri, there won't be any more lies, I promise
No, no more promises please
No this time I mean it, listen to me
Next week I've got the company dinner
If you want, you can come with me and I'll tell everyone I'm gay
and that you're my boyfriend
Ok, so what are we gonna do about the flat then?
Leave it, I think we're gonna have to carry on looking
Yeah Juan, here they're full of smiles and they give you a good service
but afterwards they lumber you with a bill for 90 euros that leaves you broke
just to tell you something you already knew anyway
Yeah but this doctor's an expert
He might tell us something interesting that we weren't expecting to hear
Like what?
I don't know but he's a qualified professional
We have to believe whatever he tells us
God I'm hung over!
Good afternoon
- Good afternoon - Hello doctor
Well Paloma, I've got your test results here
Sure enough, as your husband told me over the phone
the symptoms are very clear
but I preferred to make 100 % sure because you're at a difficult age
I already tried to explain that to her
There's nothing to worry about, though, because this is completely normal
and happens to many women of your age
What?
Tell her now doctor, the sooner she knows, she better
Paloma, congratulations, you're pregnant
See? I told you that...
What? No, wrong!
This is plainly a case of menopause, I've got a book that says so
Señor Cuesta, the results leave no room for doubt, you're going to be a father
But I'm already a father! Let me see what name it says on here
Breathe Juan, breathe
But this has to be a mistake, Paloma
I...God it's hot in here!
If this is not what you were expecting, the only mistake lies in your not having taken precautions
Well we weren't expecting it, but if it comes along, then that's that
We weren't expecting our youngest either and look at how happy Jose Miguel makes us now
Sure, he's a bundle of joy
What's wrong? Aren't you excited?
No, I am, I am
Are you sure it's a child?
Couldn't it be something undigested? Her intestines work slowly
Look on the bright side. 3 kids means you'll be entitled to child benefit
Sure, just wait and see how much we get
Right well, as you know, from now on, fortnightly check-ups
Yes but we'll go with our NHS doctor because we feel more comfortable with him. Bye now
Congratulations
God, a baby! And on the one time we had tea together, just my luck!
Sorry?
No nothing, goodbye
Goodbye
Come on Juan!
This really is a mess!
Well kids, your mother and I want to tell you
that it looks as though the happy news that there's going to be an extra face in the family has been confirmed
All we ask of you is that you love your future brother or sister as much as we will
Yeah that's very nice but we've got a little list of conditions here
in order to avoid any misunderstandings later down the line
I'll read it to you: we don't change nappies, we don't buy baby food
we don't take anyone out for a walk, and the most important one:
there's no room for anybody else in our bedroom
In the event that we have to look after the baby at any time
these are our rates. Signed, your children
Oh, and the prices don't include VAT
Well, we've got 9 months to reach an agreement
Wow, look who it is! The treacherous backstabber!
Emilio, I don't have to explain anything to you
So you're dating someone else now huh
No I'm not but I have met someone else
Ok, if what you wanted was to make me jealous, you've achieved that. Dump him now
I'm not dumping him
So you are dating him then!
Emilio, you're twisting my words again
Belén, look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me!
I don't love you!
That doesn't count, you looked me in the nose
Seriously, this is so childish! Leave me alone
As if I care what you do! Have you slept with him?
I'm not telling you
You have!
Oh God!
Well I hope you'll be very happy together!
Thanks!
Just you wait till I find someone else taller and prettier than you
You midget!
Have you got a stomachache again?
No, this is for my head
Wow Juan, a baby at this time in time, who'd have thought it?
Life is full of pleasant surprises
Definitely. These things happen for a reason. Maybe it was my last fertile egg
Yeah and it almost got away from us
We're gonna do it right this time and organise things properly
Give me a kiss, honey. I love you so much
And we're gonna do it now
What, at this time?
Yeah, who cares?
Come here president
Hey, you've really cut back your beard
What am I gonna grab hold of now?
Never mind, I'll figure it out
Here I go
Oh baby, baby!
Fuck, the Cuestas
What a strange time, though
God, what a disgrace!
Poor bloke, human sexuality's really something else
And here's me without my Belén. What a shit world we live in!
But it's freezing
Well I'm baked
This elderdown's something else!
Are you hot, sweetheart? - Yes
Well take this off
No, don't, it's late and afterwards I won't be able to sleep
Well tomorrow you can take a nap
No! You know it's gotta be at teatime, you can do what you like then
What's wrong? Are you angry?
Well lately we hardly ever seem to have tea together
If I don't feel like it, what do you expect me to do?
No, nothing, sure
You should read in the evenings. Your problem is you don't read anymore!
Right, that must be it
Sure it is
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
The caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Put together in a cocktail shaker
thunder and lightning, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The party
Hey Belén!
What do you want? I'm running really late
Late where?
None of your business!
How come you're not answering my calls?
Hasn't it crossed your mind that maybe I don't wanna talk to you?
Hey, I'm not gonna be waiting around for you forever, I've got loads of other offers
Sure, you're like a supermarket
You mean you don't care if I hook up with other girls then?
You can go hook up with your own grandmother for all I care!
Fine I'll keep you posted then. Just don't get jealous later
Here we go again! We're not together anymore! We broke up, remember!
Belén, we should be thinking about having kids
If we carry on like this, by the time we want one, you won't be able to anymore
That's it! Keep making things right!
Belén, you're getting old, you know
Fuck off!
Grow up Belén!
Guys like me only come along once in a lifetime
I hope so!
You're so dumb
Listen, the small screws aren't here
Well even if they are here, I can't put it together because I haven't got this screwdriver
But what do you put easily assembled on it for then? To take the piss out of your customers?
No, I don't wanna return it. With all the mess I've got here, I'd rather assemble it
I was only calling to get that off my chest
Morning honey!
How's the chest of drawers coming along?
It's not! I'm on step 2 and there are 14
This is slower than an Easter parade
Oh well, if you like, I can sing you a hymn and cheer you on a bit
The last thing I assembled was one of those cowboy Playmobil sets
I made such a bad job of it that the Indians always won
Honey, you know what I wanna do?
Help me put this together
Throw a party! Let's throw a party tomorrow!
Where?
Where do you think! Here!
We've been living in this place for 3 months and we've never done anything
Apart from fight with the neighbours. Isn't that enough?
Don't you wanna have some fun with your mates?
Yeah but not here. You hold parties in other people's houses, not in your own
No babe! We're gonna hold it here! And I'm gonna call my friends
And we can invite Fernando, Belén, and Mauri too if you like
What, you wanna invite the neighbours as well?
The ones we like, yeah
You've been smoking some weird shit you brought back from Istanbul, admit it
Oh God, you've caught me out!
Come on! I'll go get dressed, ok?
And then we'll go to the supermarket and buy the drinks
Hey, wouldn't you rather go to the zoo?
No honey, let's live it up a little!
Ok, but let's be clear that it's YOUR party
I'm not cleaning up afterwards
Here's your post
Oh ok, thanks
Hey, are you alright? You've been looking kinda down lately. Under the weather
Emilio, I've got a problem
My wife doesn't find me attractive anymore
No!
Yes, it's true
But that makes no sense
You're in great shape
No I know, I can see women on the street checking me out, sending me signals
Sure, one notices these things
Right but Paloma's keeping away from me. She's lost her sex drive
and you've got no idea what my wife was like in bed!
When she had an orgasm, she used to pull my hair
What hair?
That's the thing, Emilio, you see she was multiorgasmic
Why do you think she had to let me grow my beard?
Sure, she must have had her reasons, that's true
But now it's just excuses, hot flushes, heart flutters
She's tired all the time
Hey, maybe she's got that menopause thing!
Menopause? Already?
It's really bad, it's like all their hormones work in reverse
so they start doing weird stuff
My mum got a thing for hitting my dad and for making him sponge cakes
She'd either give him a punch or a sponge cake depending on what her hormones were like
You've gotta see it to believe it
- Sponge cakes? - Yeah
No, Paloma's never liked them
Honey?
Look Juan, I'm making a sponge cake!
Oh! But you don't like them
Yeah but it's for you because you'll eat it, right?
Er...yeah, sure
If you don't want it, tell me! Don't make me waste my time!
No honey, I'll eat it
Now I'm sweating again!
Tell Emilio to turn down the heating!
Paloma, are you alright?
No, I'm not. You've noticed, haven't you?
A little bit
Sure because you're very observant
Call the kids
What for?
Call them!
Natalia, Jose Miguel, come here for a second!
What's up then?
Your mother wants to tell us something
Yes, well I expect you've noticed that lately I haven't really been myself
No!
Yes, I'm not myself, but there's a reason for that
Of course there is, honey
I'm pregnant
What!
I haven't had my period for 2 months so I'm pregnant
Ah, so you 2 still...
Oh my God!
Have you taken a test or anything, though?
There's no need, a woman knows when she's pregnant
Now we really do need to move to a house in the country, Juan
Right, well I'm gonna go buy myself a Swiss roll because I've got a craving for one
See you in a bit
Dad, you haven't fully grasped the idea of family planning, have you?
Relax, your mother's not pregnant
She can't be
What's really going on is she's reached menopause
Fuck, that's all she needed!
What's menopause?
Something very strange that doesn't concern you
Now what's important is to be nice to your mother and not say a word to her about this
because she's very sensitive and takes getting old really badly
Yeah, my lips are sealed cos next month it's Christmas and I don't wanna get stuck without any presents
And I'll read up to see if we can deal with this problem as a family
together, the way it should be
Hey dad, this menopause thing's not contagious, is it?
Of course not!
Fuck, well if you'd just explained what it is to me!
There he is, ask him!
You ask him!
No, I'm a lady, I don't gossip
Like hell you don't!
Alright Mauri? How's it going?
Fine thank you, and you?
My sister wants to know what's happened to Fernando
because we haven't seen him around for days. Stop kicking me, dammit!
No he's fine, he's just gone away on a business trip
thanks for your concern, though
No, we weren't concerned! Just curious
It's just that as the other day we heard the 2 of you arguing over something to do with a closet...
Yes, we're very short of space, that's the thing
We're the same here
I don't know what to do with our summer clothes anymore
Excuse me for a second
Hello?
Mauri, it's me, can I drop round to talk to you?
Of course, whenever you want
I'm on my way
Who was that?
Señora please!
He's gone off with another man
Or another woman
Come on, the curtain's come down, let's go
Do you know how I used to wash my clothes when I was your age, you layabouts!
I had to go to the fountain, weighed down, and bend over to scrub!
That's very interesting but coming back to the subject of the washing machine
I don't know if you grasped the fact that it's not working
Well fix it!
No, you're the one who has to do that!
Me! Why when I don't live here?
But you're the owner
That's true and don't you 2 forget it!
Drop it Alicia, it's like talking to a brick wall
Look, if you don't like it, you can leave
I don't want to have unhappy tenants
Well well well, lovebirds, what's up?
Hey!
tomorrow we're gonna throw a party at our place
so if you wanna drop by, it's gonna be one hell of a night!
No?
What's she saying about a party!
Well "party", actually it's just a relaxing get-together with a few friends
We don't hold parties in this building because they bother the neighbours!
Well look here, I do what I like in my own home
Hey! What kind of way is that to speak to an elderly person?
No, what Lucía meant was we'll do our best to bother the neighbours as little as possible
No! Look here, if you're bitter and don't like the life you lead, then lump it!
But leave us alone
Armando! They're insulting me!
Just you wait till my son comes up!
Hey, can you give me what you just said in writing?
Yeah, it'll come in handy when she comes back
because she'll be back
Look, this is an essential tool for the modern man
Open it on any page and it spurts wisdom
Here you've got: vulvitis, vaginitis...
Let's not kid ourselves, you didn't have a clue about this
Well yes, you're right
Well that'll be 20 euros then
which is a very fair price considering the problem you've got
Ok, here you go
Great, well now that you've bought it, I can tell you
as a friend that it's completely worthless
Sorry?
Machines can be fixed but you can't do anything with menopausal women
Treat it as you would treat hemorrhoids: suffer in silence
Come on Dad, show a bit of respect, he's going through a hard time!
And it's only gonna get harder. See you around
That's it, get outta here! Give mum a kiss from me
Give it to her yourself for fuck's sake!
Don't worry, my dad's disillusioned with life
Go on, get studying!
- Hi - Hi
Marisa! Fernando's back!
I'm going to the kitchen
Why did you ring when you've got keys?
Just in case
May I?
How are you?
Fine, why wouldn't I be?
No, I'm fine too
Did I ask you?
Mauri, I haven't come here to argue
What have you come for? To apologise?
Sit down
Look, listen
This last week I've been thinking a lot about our relationship and everything that's happened
and I think I should never have left this house
No, of course not
Right, you're the one who should have gone
What's that!
The house belongs to both of us. You're the one who has a problem with me
No, you're the one with the problem because you won't come out of the closet
Fine, it doesn't matter who's got the problem!
What's wrong? Can't you take living with your nieces and nephews anymore?
Listen Mauri, why don't you go and live with your parents?
It's easier for you
Sure, that's just what anyone dreams of at my age
Do you know how much weight I can put on eating what my mum cooks?
Well this house belongs to me too and I'm not going anywhere
Well me neither
Well we've got a problem then
Mauri! Mauri!
What's the matter?
Do you mind stopping for a second while I go for a wee?
I'll only be a second
This is ridiculous, Fernando. By rights, this house belongs to me
I took care of the decoration and refurbishment
Yeah, with my money!
Well you had to contribute something, didn't you?
Ok, well if neither one of us wants to give up the house, we'll have to split it
I'll take the bedroom and the bathroom
No, I mean we'll have to sell it and split the money
No, I don't wanna sell
I'll buy your half, how much is it?
How do I know! We'll need to contact a surveyor
Well call one!
And in the meantime, go back to your sister's house. When the surveyor comes round, I'll let you know
No, I'm not going anywhere!
Well, you know where you're gonna have to sleep
No, we'll let fate decide!
Odds or evens?
Evens
Odds
1, 2, 3
Evens, you're on the sofa!
No, you took your fingers out afterwards
Mauri, you're always doing this to me. Come here!
They're the ones! They're the ones who insulted me
Sorry?
Leave it to me, you stay here
What's your problem with my mum?
No, look, it was a misunderstanding
What time's the party?
- Huh? - The party
Oh, around 9.30 - 10
Great! Cos I'm gonna come with a lady friend
Hey, is there gonna be any food? That way I can skip buying her dinner
Yeah, sure there'll be something
Ok
Right, you need to learn to show some respect for your elders, dammit!
That's it sorted Mum, let's go
Did you make it really clear to them?
Crystal clear
Who was that?
Armando. He said he's coming to the party with a lady friend
Cool, the more the merrier
Right, there's gonna be plenty of merriment
Ichi, it's Lucy, I'm throwing a party at my place
Yeah girl!
Yes! The new girl's having a party in their house tomorrow night
- What, the snob? - Yeah
What! I'm president of the community and nobody's told me anything about it!
Don't worry señor Juan, I haven't been invited either
Or me, and it's been ages since I went to a nice social
Vicenta, nobody uses the word social anymore!
No no no! No parties here, Juan. NO PARTIES HERE!
I bet there'll be noise and drugs and sex
No way we're missing out on that
Well, that party needs to be stopped
Who does she think she is? She can't just do whatever she likes round here!
Don't worry, I'll go up and make it clear to them
that I won't allow troublesome and injurious conduct
that jeopardises the harmony and tranquility of our building
That's what we want! Hooray, that's my President!
Well if she doesn't hold the party, then I will!
Shut up you old piss head!
Fart face!
What the fuck!
Wait till I get my hands on you! Come here!
Lucía!
Wow, fancy seeing you here!
I've come to give the bride a kiss because your dad told me you're tying the knot
Yeah
We're looking at dates
He got such a surprise. And so did I
It all happened so suddenly that you can see you didn't give it much thought
If you're sure about something, then why think about it?
Of course. Anyway, otherwise, how would lawyers make a living?
Carlos, what are you trying to tell me?
No, seriously...I'm happy for you
and I hope you'll be very happy in your marriage
I say that from the heart and I only hope you're not making a mistake
but you ARE making a mistake!
- Carlos! - Alright, alright
No, I'm happy because you look happy and that's all that matters
You are happy, right?
Yes, very happy. Do you mind if we change the subject?
Ok
Well how's your concert hall project coming along?
Ah! Great, actually
It's gonna look beautiful. We're building it next to the park with a pergola
But how on earth can you marry a guy like that when you've got me!
I just can't get my head round it!
Ok, look Carlos, what did you come here to do? Apart from critise me
Alright, sorry, I went too far there
You did kind of, yeah
Well, all I came here to do was to give you your wedding present
Runaway Bride?
A little something
A little something!
Well, let me know what you think of it
Hey
Hey Belén
Whoa, finally a guy who remembers my name
Did you come to make one last pass at Lucía?
No, to congratulate her on her marriage
Are you going down?
Yeah but I'd rather take the stairs cos I don't have good memories of this lift
Ok, see you later
Bye
Hey, long time no see!
Yeah well I like to chase after pretty girls
Ok, well I'm off because I'm gonna be late for work
Hey, do you need a lift?
No, it's just round the corner
Is this your car?
Yeah, well one of them
Alright then
Jump in
Just don't tread on the car mats
Jump in, jump in
Listen, the only thing is I don't wanna have any trouble with your boyfriend
No, I haven't got a boyfriend
Ah! I like the sound of that
Menopausal symptoms of Spanish women
Hot flushes, sweating, insomnia, heart flutters, migraines
incontinence, irritability, depression, loss of libido
dizziness and fatigue
Ah ok, you had me worried, it's not that bad
With that outlook, good luck telling Mum she's not pregnant!
No, we can't upset her
We need to go along with her and let her realise by herself gradually
Look Juan! Look what wonders they make nowadays!
Hang on, you didn't buy that, did you?
What's wrong, don't you like it?
No, all I would say is perhaps it's a little early
to start buying things for the baby so soon
No Juan, we're gonna have loads of expenses and by starting to buy stuff now
we won't have to spend as much in one go later on
But you're keeping all the receipts, though, right?
What for?
Well because maybe if it's a boy or a girl, we might wanna change the colour or model
Don't be old-fashioned, nowadays everything's unisex
Oh God, open the windows, it's as hot as hell in here!
I was just saying to the kids how hot it is in here!
Dad, she's gonna empty your bank account
We need to tell her now!
You're right, you tell her
Me!
This is a woman's thing, right?
But I've got enough problems with her as it is. Anyway, what do I know about menopause?
That's true, I need a specialist
Yeah
Or better still, 2! I'll go talk to the ladies downstairs
Menopause? We're experts
Right, what do you wanna know?
No, I've got a book on it, I know the symptoms
Hot flushes, loss of sexual desire
I've never lost my sexual desire
I lost mine a bit!
You've never had that in your whole life!
As you 2 master the subject, I'd like you to come upstairs to chat with Paloma
and make her see she's got it, but with a great deal of tact
and without ever mentioning the word menopause
because she's very senstive and is going through very sudden mood swings...
Yeah! I remember that Marisa was unbearable too
Sure, it was when Manolo left you
This man doesn't care about what Manolo did to me!
It was just to add a bit of background
Come on, let's go upstairs and talk to her
Be sensitive, though, and above all be tactful!
We're the queens of diplomacy!
Hello Paloma, welcome to the club!
What are you talking about?
We've come to pay you a visit because it's been ages since we had a chat as friends
Juan, what are those 2 doing here?
I don't know, they got the idea in their heads and..
Sit down over here, Paloma!
And you bring us some olives or something
A tonic water for me
Well for me a glass of chinchón
I haven't got that
You haven't but I have
Marisa, what's that?
It's my bingo case
This way, win or lose, I always come out happy
Ok, what do you want? I'm very busy
Your husband told us you're looking different
Oh yes, you couldn't keep it quiet, right honey
Well it's just that we're so thrilled
Why?
I'm pregnant
Would you mind telling me what's so funny?
Here are the olives
You're not pregnant, sweetie! You can't be!
But why can't she have a baby?
This coming from the other desperate one
I'm not desperate
Oh come on Vicenta, you feed the doves in case one of them's the Holy Spirit
I know I'm pregnant, I can feel it, I've had kids before
You're not pregnant, you're menopausal like us
What the hell!
And crisp, crisps for everyone
Really! That's all I needed to hear!
They come into my own home and insult me! Get out of here! For God's sake!
Come on Paloma, it wasn't an insult
And right to my face!
That's true. How dare the 2 of you come into our own home and tell my wife she's menopausal! What a cheek!
Jealous!
I tried man but you saw what happened
Unbelievable! What nasty people!
Did you see that? They tried to hurt me
Thank goodness I've got you to support me and love me
Yes sweetheart
How many metres is it according to the deeds?
82, right?
No idea
Well, at the moment, because of where the building is located
the market price of this property is 220 thousand euros, which is around 36 million pesetas
Damn, we paid 15 for it!
Well you need to pay me half: 18 million
But where am I gonna get that sort of money from?
Well I'll buy your share then
But I don't wanna sell. Anyway, like you've got 18 million!
Well what are we gonna do then?
Sorry, did you go 50-50 on this flat?
- Yes - Yes, that's right
Don't look at me like that! What, you think we're gays?
No, God forbid!
Why, what's so terrible about being gay?
Nothing, my brother-in-law's gay and my sister doesn't even know
Sure he is, and maybe you are too and don't know it either
- Me? - Yeah!
Right sure, if you'll excuse me, I need to go now
We can sort this out over the phone or better still, by email
- Goodbye - Goodbye
That was all I needed, another homophobic
Ok, well if you can't buy my share and I can't buy yours
that only leaves one option: sell the flat
Alright, we'll sell
And how long does that take?
I don't know, it depends, it could take days or months
Oh great! And in the meantime what are we gonna do?
I don't know, live together till we sell it?
Isn't that gonna be fun?
Yeah,..erm, what's for dinner?
Haha, you're so funny!
Good afternoon Lucía
Good afternoon
It has reached my ears that you intend to carry out a party in your property
Correct
Right
I request in the kindest possible manner and in my capacity as the sole spokesperson for this community
that you consider the possibility of cancelling the aforementioned event
in the interest of preserving the necessary nocturnal repose of our neighbours
Right Señor Cuesta, I appreciate your suggestion
and in the kindest possible manner
affirm my right as the proprietor of this residence to carry out within it
such activities as I consider fit and proper
ensuring nonetheless the absolute absense of any form of disturbance
Right. However, it would be a gross oversight to follow such a course of conduct without
due regard for the fact that the other proprietors are evidently aggrieved
by this impending troublesome event
One ought also to add that your attitude undermines the importance
of the basic premises adopted by us all
As an ultimate element of clarification, I would remark that in the event that
they persist with this intolerable uncooperative attitude,
I shall have no alternative but to tell them to take a long walk off a short pier
Good afternoon
Damn Emilio, you could have backed me up!
But I didn't know what you were talking about
Something about a walk on a pier, right?
Never mind, forget it
But are they holding the party then or not?
Weren't you listening!
It's tomorrow at Lucía's house and we're all going so now you know
No I can't make tomorrow because I'm meeting someone
Oh, and what about you, Fernando?
No, me too
Ok, we'll be there till late so you can call by afterwards
Whoa, the thing is I might be out all night
Yeah, no doubt I will be too
Not even for a little while? You can bring along whoever you like
In that case I might drop in
I might too
- I won't then - Me neither then
Well as you're kinda confusing me, I'll let you decide by yourselves
Now you know
Who are you going out with tomorrow?
- Did I ask you? - Ask me if you like
- Who are you going out with? - None of your business!
Wait, I'll open the door for you
because as you've been handling hamburgers, you'll have dried grease on your fingers
Ah! Thanks
- Well - Well
Thanks for bringing me home
No problem
What a coincidence that you happened to be passing by the burger bar
just as I was leaving work
Well, I don't believe in coincidences, Belén
Ah! Right well...
Ok, well I'll be on my way then
- Hey! - What?
I was thinking that as Lucía's having a party at her house tomorrow
maybe I don't know, maybe we could go together
but you don't have to, ok?
It's fine if you say no, I'm used to it
So does that mean you're coming then?
What do you think?
I don't know, I get kinda nervous when...
Well see you tomorrow
See you tomorrow
Bye
Juan, did you talk with the snob?
Yeah, and she seemed really receptive
and said she completely understands our position. However...
she's gonna have the party
Exactly
She's challenging our authority, Juan! THE SNOB'S CHALLENGING OUR AUTHORITY!
And if we let her have that party, we're gonna lose our influence
You don't want her to take the presidency away from you again, do you?
Oh no, don't even joke about that
But what do you want me to do about it?
If they wanna hold a party, it's their house and...
She's heard that I'm pregnant and wants to stress me out so that I lose the baby
Come on, she doesn't seem that twisted to me
They're jealous of us, Juan, and jealousy is really harmful
What, you think she hasn't tried to have a baby?
Sure they have, I've heard them at it
They're at it all day long, sex sex sex. And still nothing!
And look at us, we get down to it and bam! There's a baby on the way...
And the last 2 times it's happened without us even trying
Imagine what would happen if we tried for one!
I wanted to talk to you about that, sweetheart, because I think it's possible
that your pregnancy could be a false alarm
the result of stress or some bad food
Since you never throw anything away, well maybe...
So how come I haven't had my period for 2 months then?
when I've always had it like clockwork
Or perhaps it could reflect an alteration in your body
which is experiencing changes with the passing of time
Time waits for no man and for no woman
What are you saying? That I've put on weight?
No! Come off it! You look stunning
Ah, well I don't follow you, I don't know what you mean
and I'm getting myself in a state
and you've gone and shut the window again! Open it!
Ok, I'll open it now. Yes, I'm baked too
Do you mind telling me what you're playing at?
Putting up a sign. It tends to help when selling a flat
Wait till the neighbours see it, they're gonna give us hell
Yeah right! None of them will be interested in this flat!
Hi, I've come to look at the flat
Wait, are you interested in buying it?
Nah, no way, the thing is there's nothing on TV and...
Look, how much are you asking?
36 million for a first floor flat with less metres than mine!
Have you lost your minds?
Mind who you sell this flat to because I've got enough trouble with them 2 upstairs!
Listen, if you're moving and this place is gonna be empty, you can lend it to me, right?
Cos I'm with this blond girl at the moment and...
As President, I would kindly ask you to furnish me with a report on the new occupant
in order to avoid undesirable individuals in our community
36 million! Come off it!
Hey, before leaving, you'll give you me a tip for services rendered, won't you?
A golden handshake I mean
Yes, she says she's going ahead with the party
and taking no notice of us
What do you expect? With your husband as president, everyone does what they like
Hey, watch it, my husband goes to a lot of trouble for this community
Look, if I hear any noice tonight, I'll call the police and problem solved
No, that's no good
If that snob wants to have a party, let her
But let's make it one she remembers for the rest of her life
What do you wanna do?
She's just refurbished the flat, right?
Well, we'll get all and sundry in there
Wait till you see what a state they'll leave her place in!
You're so nasty, you know that
And how are we gonna do that?
Party! Party tonight in Flat 3a, party!
Open bar for everyone
in Flat 3a tonight
Hey, bring your friends, ok?
How's it going?
I've given out a whole book of tickets
but aren't you gonna come down for a while?
No, I'm First Lady and can't be seen doing that
Quick, quick! Those 2 are getting away from you and they look really bad
Oi boys! Tonight party with open bar in flat 3a!
There'll be girls
Well if they're all your age...
Hey, do you want an open bar or not?
How much is it?
What?
The ticket!
Oh erm...3 euros!
Party! Party on the third floor tonight!
Open bar for everyone!
Hey you! What are you doing tonight?
Open bar for 6 euros in Flat 3a
Señor Juan, here's what you asked me to get you from the pharmacy
Did they give it to you?
You're supposed to have a prescription
To get them to give me it, I had to weigh myself and get my blood pressure checked
According to the book, this is the solution to all Paloma's problems
Oestrogen patches
Oh, what are they?
You put them on your body and they take away your depression, hot flushes
tetchiness, and you get back your sexual appetite
Fuck, they do more than aspirin and you stop smoking too!
No, that's a different kind of patch!
I'll have to come up with something to get her to put it on
Oestrogen patches
They must have a chip or something in them that gets you going
This digital age is really something!
Paloma!
What?
Look what I bought in the pharmacy
Is that for your hair?
No, it's for you
They're new patches for...for stretch marks, dimply skin
and all the damage that being pregnant brings
You put this in your butt for 3 days and job done
That's useless, Juan. It's just a scam to get your money
After labour, I'll get mesotheraphy, liposuction and I'll be as good as new!
Come on, there's no harm in trying it, surely
It doesn't matter, just take it back, that's all
You know I love it when you worry about me
Juan, have you realised this baby's bringing us closer together than ever?
Yeah, that's what good about these things
Go get me some chocolate puff pastry hearts, honey
and make sure they're not too dry
Hi, good afternoon, I saw the for sale sign
Oh, come in, come in
Wow, what a lovely place!
The living room's spacious
Yes, the only thing is it's on the first floor and doesn't get much light
Wow, and such a beautiful kitchen!
It is, right?
Well it's nice but because it's in the open, all the smells get everywhere
Oh and if the washing machine's on, you can forget about watching TV
It's got 1 bedroom, right?
Yeah, that's the problem, only 1 and it's tiny too, look
Terrible
Well that's not a problem because I live alone
Oh well if I were you, I'd put bars on the windows
because we've been burgled 3 times already
You don't say!
There's a really good gym just round the corner, though
If you want, you could take up self-defence classes
They really came in handy for me
Really? Did you stand up to them?
No, I do yoga so I hid in the closet
Ok, well I'll think about it and let you know
There's no hurry, ok! I doubt many people are gonna be interested
I appreciate your honesty
I wish somebody had told me these things when I bought it!
Ok well good luck selling it
I'll do my best
Hello
Who was that, a buyer?
Yeah, I just showed her round the flat
And what did she say?
She didn't like it at all
Looks like finding a buyer's gonna be hard
What are you playing at?
It's just you were asleep and your skirt rose a little bit so...
Not behind my back, Juan! NOT BEHIND MY BACK!
We're gonna respect each other the way we've always done!
Do I take your car without asking you for permission?
No
Well this is the same! For God's sake!
Emilio, hurry up man, the party's starting!
Hang on a minute, I'm getting dressed up
God, what's with that aftershave you're wearing, man!
I need to pull Belén cos I miss her
To part or not to part, that's the question
Who cares! Come on!
After she's had a couple of drinks, I'll move in for the kill
I'm like a virus, I hit when their defenses are down
Right well we'll wait for you upstairs
Ok, see you later
I'm gonna score tonight, I've got the eye of the hunter
No, not this one, though. The other one's better
I love your shirt, the colour and everything's perfect, right?
Really? It's from Paris
Yeah I saw it and said to myself, that's got my name on it! I'm kinda crazy!
Right, who wants an ashtray?
Thanks honey
Hey, I love what you've done with the place, Lucía
but when I saw the hallway, I nearly died!
A junkie let us in!
No, come off it! That's the caretaker
No way!
Well, to be honest now I've got a kid, there's no way I could live without a garden
Living in the city centre's not bad, right? It's kinda Bohemian
Well, I guess...
Hey, has everyone got a coaster?
Because otherwise you'll leave marks on the table
Sweetheart, chill out! Have a drink
I was really stressed as well but now I started doing pilates, I feel great
What's up man? We're here for the party
No, it's not a party. It's a get-together with a few friends
Oh and what are we then? Come on, let's go in
Wow, nice chicks
They're friends of Lucia's from uni
They've all got boyfriends
Yeah but they're not here
Hey, what's up? I'm Paco, a film director
Yeah and I'm Jose Miguel, an astronaut
They're neighbours but they were just leaving
No! Stick around and have a drink
Look, the glasses are over there, help yourselves
What's going on with this music, man? It sounds like my dentist's office
I'll see what I can do
Hey, no!
Fuck!
Hey, don't touch that! Don't even think about it!
Hey, is the party here? I've brought chinchón
And I brought cinnamon cookies
Oh, you 2 are coming as well, are you?
Yeah, we can come in, right? I'll show you my driver's license if you like
I've just turned 18!
Wow, what a surprise!
- Hi gorgeous - Hi honey
Thanks very much, there was no need
Hi guys, how's it going?
Hi, I'm Jaime, we spoke earlier on the phone, I've come to look at the flat
Hello, come in
Alright?
It's really nice, I like the layout and the minimalist approach
Yeah, we've got a problem with the community now, though
because they said we knocked down a supporting wall
Can you believe it? As if the building's gonna fall down because we knocked down a wall!
You've just painted it, right?
We had no choice! The neighbour across the hall won't fix her bathroom
and the walls are constantly getting damp
Right, but there are 2 balconies! Wow, what a luxury!
Let's see
No, watch out! The council told us not to stick our heads out
as a precaution until they fix the front of the building
Oh, so the front of the building's not right
Yeah, that's what they say but the bill shouldn't be too high
Right listen, I really like the flat but
to tell the truth 36 million for a place with all these problems you're telling me about...
Well yeah, it has got a few problems, but remember you'll be living in the city centre
That's true, I love the neighbourhood
Wait till you see it at night! Just opposite there are these arguments between the pimps and the drug dealers...
Hi
But no, this is a wonderful flat, ok
Ok, I'll let you know because I need to think about it a bit
Alright but be quick because someone's gonna snap it up soon
Right, sure. Bye
Bye
Well, did he like it?
Yeah, sure, but he just came here to snoop around
Oh, it's not happening, is it?
No, be patient, Mauri, we have to be patient
- Hi - Hi
Is Belén there?
Sorry?
Is Belén there? I'm supposed to be meeting her
Oh, yeah, hold on, I'll go get her
Hey, Carlos is here
Oh already? Tell him I'll be right out
Are you gonna tell me what your deal is with that guy?
Well, I'm meeting him tonight, what's the big deal?
What about Emilio?
Emilio's fine thank you
Just so you know, I think what you're doing is disgusting
That's rich coming from you! You're always coming on to guys you don't even know!
Why can't you just admit that you're in love with Emilio?
Because I'm not! God, what's your problem!
Don't you realise that Lucía's the one Carlos is into?
He's just using you to make her jealous cos you live across the hall
Well you live across the hall as well and he doesn't wanna go out with you!
Yeah! That's the only thing about it I don't get
Anyway, we're just getting to know each other, I'm not sure if I like him yet
and nothing has to happen
Jealous!
Wow Belén, you look great
Thanks
Shall we go to the party?
Listen I don't wanna stress you out but there are people here I don't know
Like the guy opening the fridge over there, who's that?
Didn't you invite them?
No, I didn't invite anyone!
I don't know, honey, they must have come with someone else
Roberto, have fun!
Fucking ashes! Why do they think I put out ashtrays!
Honey, that's just what I mean
Come on, who's man enough for another round of shots?
What the hell is this?
A Marisa Surprise, just drink it and keep quiet
I'm saving myself for someone special, you know
I don't want my first time to be with just anyone
No leave it, I'll get the door cos there are people gatecrashing
Alright, suit yourself
Who you are?
A mate
Hey, aren't you a bit young to be at a party like this?
We can go to the bedroom if you like and you can put me to bed
How sweet
Fuck, why ask then?
Hey! Wow, it's really lively here!
Alright Roberto, long time no see
- How's it going? - Good
Hey! What a surprise!
Hey, I invited some friends of mine to the party. You don't mind, do you?
No, not at all
This isn't a party! It's a get-together with a few friends!
Well we're going to get drinks
Ok
Hey, what did you invite Carlos for?
I didn't
What's he doing here then?
I don't know!
Fuck!
Are those 2 together then?
Yeah, you're a fast learner
Thank God Emilio hasn't come
Girls, take a shot to make you feel alive!
Thanks a lot
That's alright. Hey, this party is so cool
Great
This girl always looks so nice, right?
What's up Roberto? The reinforcements are here now. Were you missing me?
No, this is finishing up now
Hey, is Belén here?
I don't know, man, there's so many people here
Ok I'll go look for her
What was I gonna say to you...what have you brought?
Cheese and biscuits, what the fuck, man! Beer!
Just as well they were gonna put the music on low!
The sound travels more when the windows are open
Call Emilio and get him to go upstairs. Or I'll go up and then there'll really be trouble!
I need peace and quiet in my condition
It's a bit late, Emilio might already be asleep
Well wake him up, that's what we're paying him for! Go on!
Hello?
Emilio?
Er...hello señor Cuesta
Where are you?
In my flat, where else would I be?
It's just they've got the music on full blast upstairs
What a disgrace! Pour me a bit more
Go upstairs at once and warn them that unless they drastically turn down the music, we'll call the police
Yes, right away, señor Juan
Hey, did you put the patches on your wife?
No I couldn't, I haven't found the right time
Well get to it as soon as you can because they're working great for me
I'm in a better mood already
What, you put an oestrogen patch on! But do you have any idea what they contain?
Erm, vitamins, ginseng, and all that stuff, right?
They're female hormones! Your hair's gonna fall out and you're gonna get breasts
Fucking hell! Oh well, I'll have to tell Belén about it
Later. First go upstairs and restore order!
Yeah, I'm on my way. Ok, good night
- Belén! - What?
What the fuck?
Alicia, you're acting like my mum!
Emilio's here!
But who invited him?
Right! And who invited him, and that guy, and him over there?
Hey, leave my marker pens alone!
It's no big deal, they're not together anymore
Right but let's go cos I don't want him to see me
Ok, wait while I distract him
Take him out onto the balcony
Hi
Hey Lucía, have you seen Belén? It's like a jungle in here
Er yes I have actually
Oh ok, where is she?
Emilio, come with me, I wanna show you something
Yeah, go with him
Alright alright...but what are we doing out here?
Emilio, do you realise how wonderful and complex the universe is?
Sure, really complex
Look, see that star over there? We're seeing it the way it was millions of years ago
It might not even exist now
Doesn't that make you think?
Yeah, right now I'm thinking you're drunk, I'm cold, and I'm going inside
No, oh look! Look at that!
Shit, you scared me!
- A shooting star over there! - Where?
Oh fuck, not now! You're not paying attention, man!
Shit, just imagine a meteorite suddenly fell on us and we all died
Right, well I'm gonna go find Belén before it does so I can bang her one last time
Alicia! Have you seen Belén?
She stayed at home because she wasn't feeling well
Ok, I'll go see her
No leave her, she'll be asleep now. You enjoy yourself!
Fucking door!
Leave it open then. Who cares?
But then anybody who wants to could get in
What am I talking about! They're already here. Mind the floor please!
- Hi, hi - Hi
The party's here, right?
No sorry, this is a quiet, private get-together
Hey! Come in!
Oh well, never mind, make yourselves at home
Cool party! Nice music!
Let's go to the bar, do you want a drink?
Shall we order tequilas?
Small ones, with lots of ice
3 tequilas coming right up! I'm the barmaid, wanna see my cleavage?
Oh my God!
Alright Roberto, how's it going?
Hold on, how come you're here?
I know the owner
Look, I think you'd better leave, if Lucía sees you...
Natalia! Fancy seeing you here
Yeah well, I was bored so I said to myself, what shall I do?
Right well great, help yourself to anything you like...from the bar
Hey Natalia!
The party?
Upstairs, in Flat 3a
I haven't got a ticket, though
That'll be 10 euros
I thought it was 6!
That was for advance sale, now on the door, it's 10
Are there chocolate doughnuts and all that stuff?
There's an open bar
I bet they're leaving her flat in a nice state
Juan. Juan! Juan!
How can you sleep with all this racket?
Come on, go upstairs and complain, make them sweat a bit
But Emilio's already gone up
Yeah but you carry more authority. Go on!
You're so lazy! Get moving!
I'll tell them! I was dreaming they'd made me headmaster
And in a bit I'll phone the police
That'll put pay to their party!
I'm saving myself for someone special, you know
because I don't want my first time to be with just anyone
Well we feel the same way
Really?
Hey, let's mix up the music a bit, shall we?
Why, have you got a problem with my music?
No, not at all. It's just I'm more into Bustamante
Bustamante? Get him!
God, what a mess!
Right, listen up! There are neighbours who have commitments and need to rest
and I'm not going to repeat myself!
If it isn't Juan Cuesta, Presidente of the community! Welcome to our party!
It is indeed and in my 12 years as President
never before have I witnessed such a sorry spectacle
Come on, for God's sake, chill out! Let's have a drink
No, I'm going home to my wife and kids
But your kids are here!
Hey, what's up Dad?
Jose Miguel, get down from!
Go on, have a drink
No, it's completely inappropriate
Stay Señor Cuesta, stay!
Ok, in view of this display of affection for me, I'll stay and have 1 drink
only 1 though!
a tequila
Right, the get-together with a few friends is over!
Everybody out! Come on!
Hey, I'm not gonna say it again, ok
I'm warning you, I'll throw your coats out of the window!
Honey, come dance!
That's it, you back me up
Fuck Armando, what are you doing?
Shit man, can't you put a bolt on the door or something? You're the fourth one who's come in here
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Hey, this is your place, right?
Yeah, why?
The whisky's run out, man
What are you telling me for! Drink tap water!
Yeah but I paid for an open bar!
What are you talking about?
Who gave you this?
The lady downstairs you've got working in public relations
Who?
I don't know man!
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me!
My life's a mess, Emilio. My kids, as you can see, ignore me
My wife's old, I'm old
Right but don't worry, have another drink
I've already had 2
Here, have a patch on the house
Oestrogen to make all your troubles go away
Stick it on properly, that's it
Come here for a second please
Roberto, this is getting a little bit out of hand
A little bit! I found Armando in our bed with a girl!
Some other guy I don't know is in the bath
and look, someone's been selling tickets for the party
No! No way!
Yeah! For 6 euros
What are we gonna do now?
I don't know about you but I'm calling the police to get them to clear the place out
What! We can't report ourselves!
So your name's Rose like the flower, right?
Never mind, I'll make a move on another one
Sure, you've got this
Right
Hey look, there's Belén!
And that's Carlos
Come on, let's go get ice
No, hang on a sec
Come on, we're gonna run out, man
What the fuck! He's kissing her, man
Let's go talk to those girls over there, come on, don't worry about it
No, leave me alone
Hey Emilio, this patch is amazing
I can feel it starting to take effect
Hey! Emilio!
Emilio, are you alright?
Yeah, I just needed to tidy up some stuff here
Come on, I'll open up the video store and buy you a beer
Why isn't Belén into me, Paquito?
She is, dammit! It's just that relationships are really complicated
I'd get surgery but I can't see anything wrong with me
Of course there's nothing wrong with you! We're the same
young, handsome, smart
Right, but why are we all on our own then?
We're not all on our own, man, we've got each other
You know what? I reckon this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like we've got a choice!
Hey, how about watching a film?
- What a party! - That blonde was so hot
Look out!
Good party
Oh thanks very much. We might throw another one for New Year's
except that it'll have to be more expensive
Have you seen my husband?
He's at the party
What! I don't believe it!
Who can blame him for staying there with what he's got waiting for him at home?
I heard that! Shut up you old psycho!
The truth is I'm waiting for the man of my dreams
Are you going already? But we only just met!
Yeah but it's best to take things slowly, it's more romantic that way
But we'll meet again, won't we?
Sure, we've got your number
Come on, let's get outta here
Ok
Hey, take your feet off the sofa! I've already told you 4 times
What the hell's going on here!
Get out of the way!
Jose Miguel, what are you doing here? Where's your father?
I don't know! Around somewhere
Get straight back home now, you're grounded!
Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist
Get out of the way! God you're drunk!
The music's finished
What do you think you're doing in my house, Paloma?
I'll deal with you in a second. Juan! Juan! Juan Cuesta!
Present and correct
Oh Juan, what have they done to you? Look at me, have you been drinking?
Well you know since I don't have to take the car to come back home...
Let's go home because you're not yourself when you drink
How could you do this to me in my condition!
Paloma, you're not pregnant
What?
You're menopausal
Don't talk rubbish, you're drunk!
I know but it'll wear off tomorrow
I'm sick and tired of this now, tomorrow I'll go the doctor's and you'll look like a fool. Enough!
Paloma, this is a private party so if you'd be so kind...
Look, if it wasn't for the fact I'm pregnant....
You're what?
You're pregnant! Well to be honest, that's quite an achievement at your age
What did you say!
Come on, we're losing the good vibe here, it's fine
Police! Move apart!
The party's over! Everyone go home!
It's not a party, it's a get-together with a few friends!
Wait a second! I'm President of the community
and if say there's a party here, then there's a party here!
Juan, you're making a fool of me in front of everyone!
This is the same one as usual, isn't it?
And so are you, for fuck's sake!
Sorry but we've been called to strip this property
so please don't make things any more difficult than they already are
Look, you work for me, I'm a taxpayer!
I pay your salary!
Sure you are and I'm your chauffeur so accompany me and I'll drive you to the police station
Me to the police station!
Whoa, what do you think you're playing at?
That guy's so tall, I got his jacket right in the face
Come on, everybody out
Hang on, why aren't you arresting the snob? She's the one to blame for all of this
Party in my house! At the next meeting, you're all invited!
Come on, everybody out, get moving
One eviction, another occupation. One eviction, another occupation!
- In silence! - One eviction, another occupation!
242 euros
Not bad for the first time
Where did you get all that money from?
From bingo and you keep your mouth shut!
Hello! Oh, what are you doing still awake?
It's because Gran went out to bingo
Mum?
She's making it up!
Can you believe that someone was selling tickets for Lucía's party?
Some people have no shame
Come on!
Ok, open your eyes a bit wider please
Can I talk to my wife? Because she's menopausal and tomorrow we've got a doctor's appointment
Yes!
Turn to one side
Not that side, the other side!
Thanks very much, now keep still please
It's alright, we've got him
Well the get-together with a few friends certainly went well
When's the next one?
Shit Roberto, how was I supposed to know the neighbours were gonna invite so many people?
Come on, this was always gonna happen
Have you seen what they've done to the wardrobe with the designer shoes?
And what about the wall?
Alright fine, you're right
I just wanted us to have a bit of fun
Well you definitely managed that! Emilio's been dumped by his girlfriend
Juan Cuesta's under arrest. And the house is a bloody mess!
She's the only one round here who enjoyed herself
No I had a good time too!
Eew! This woman smokes like a chimney!
And check this out, when the ice ran out, they started putting frozen croquettes in the drinks
Do you think that's normal?
Come on, admit it, deep down you had fun as well
Yeah, loads! Fuck Lucía, you're like Jehovah's witnesses: you love surprise visits
Do you love me?
Yeah
Honey, look, as they've left the walls like this, shall we take advantage and repaint them?
I've grown tired of this colour now
Roberto?
Roberto honey
Are you drained?
Settled, we'll take it
Sorry?
We'll take it, we'll give you the deposit right here and now
Ok but don't worry, it's not a good idea to rush these things
No! When you see your future home for the first time, you can feel it
This is it, right honey?
Yeah babe. The kitchen's so lovely with those rafters already in place
Yeah but there's no garage or anything
That's true and trying to find somewhere to park round here is a nightmare
That doesn't matter, we've spent the last 2 years looking for a flat like this
We've got the money ready, we can go straight to the notary
No, we need to think about it first
What! But why did you put the advertisement up then?
Do you want to sell the flat or not?
Yeah, I think we do, right?
I don't know. Do you want to?
Well that was what we agreed, wasn't it?
Sure, if that's what you want, then that's what I want too
Ok, so we all agree then
Now we'll go straight to the notary and sort out the paperwork
Mauri, there won't be any more lies, I promise
No, no more promises please
No this time I mean it, listen to me
Next week I've got the company dinner
If you want, you can come with me and I'll tell everyone I'm gay
and that you're my boyfriend
Ok, so what are we gonna do about the flat then?
Leave it, I think we're gonna have to carry on looking
Yeah Juan, here they're full of smiles and they give you a good service
but afterwards they lumber you with a bill for 90 euros that leaves you broke
just to tell you something you already knew anyway
Yeah but this doctor's an expert
He might tell us something interesting that we weren't expecting to hear
Like what?
I don't know but he's a qualified professional
We have to believe whatever he tells us
God I'm hung over!
Good afternoon
- Good afternoon - Hello doctor
Well Paloma, I've got your test results here
Sure enough, as your husband told me over the phone
the symptoms are very clear
but I preferred to make 100 % sure because you're at a difficult age
I already tried to explain that to her
There's nothing to worry about, though, because this is completely normal
and happens to many women of your age
What?
Tell her now doctor, the sooner she knows, she better
Paloma, congratulations, you're pregnant
See? I told you that...
What? No, wrong!
This is plainly a case of menopause, I've got a book that says so
Señor Cuesta, the results leave no room for doubt, you're going to be a father
But I'm already a father! Let me see what name it says on here
Breathe Juan, breathe
But this has to be a mistake, Paloma
I...God it's hot in here!
If this is not what you were expecting, the only mistake lies in your not having taken precautions
Well we weren't expecting it, but if it comes along, then that's that
We weren't expecting our youngest either and look at how happy Jose Miguel makes us now
Sure, he's a bundle of joy
What's wrong? Aren't you excited?
No, I am, I am
Are you sure it's a child?
Couldn't it be something undigested? Her intestines work slowly
Look on the bright side. 3 kids means you'll be entitled to child benefit
Sure, just wait and see how much we get
Right well, as you know, from now on, fortnightly check-ups
Yes but we'll go with our NHS doctor because we feel more comfortable with him. Bye now
Congratulations
God, a baby! And on the one time we had tea together, just my luck!
Sorry?
No nothing, goodbye
Goodbye
Come on Juan!
This really is a mess!
Well kids, your mother and I want to tell you
that it looks as though the happy news that there's going to be an extra face in the family has been confirmed
All we ask of you is that you love your future brother or sister as much as we will
Yeah that's very nice but we've got a little list of conditions here
in order to avoid any misunderstandings later down the line
I'll read it to you: we don't change nappies, we don't buy baby food
we don't take anyone out for a walk, and the most important one:
there's no room for anybody else in our bedroom
In the event that we have to look after the baby at any time
these are our rates. Signed, your children
Oh, and the prices don't include VAT
Well, we've got 9 months to reach an agreement
Wow, look who it is! The treacherous backstabber!
Emilio, I don't have to explain anything to you
So you're dating someone else now huh
No I'm not but I have met someone else
Ok, if what you wanted was to make me jealous, you've achieved that. Dump him now
I'm not dumping him
So you are dating him then!
Emilio, you're twisting my words again
Belén, look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me!
I don't love you!
That doesn't count, you looked me in the nose
Seriously, this is so childish! Leave me alone
As if I care what you do! Have you slept with him?
I'm not telling you
You have!
Oh God!
Well I hope you'll be very happy together!
Thanks!
Just you wait till I find someone else taller and prettier than you
You midget!
Have you got a stomachache again?
No, this is for my head
Wow Juan, a baby at this time in time, who'd have thought it?
Life is full of pleasant surprises
Definitely. These things happen for a reason. Maybe it was my last fertile egg
Yeah and it almost got away from us
We're gonna do it right this time and organise things properly
Give me a kiss, honey. I love you so much
And we're gonna do it now
What, at this time?
Yeah, who cares?
Come here president
Hey, you've really cut back your beard
What am I gonna grab hold of now?
Never mind, I'll figure it out
Here I go
Oh baby, baby!
Fuck, the Cuestas
What a strange time, though
God, what a disgrace!
Poor bloke, human sexuality's really something else
And here's me without my Belén. What a shit world we live in!