Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 11 - Érase un traspaso - full transcript
We're gonna be landed with such a big fine
We might just as well have bought it on DVD ourselves
But how many days overdue is the film?
I don't know, Jose Miguel rented it
without saying anything to me about it
And why does the boy want to see Sex and Lucia anyway?
Let him watch what he wants, that way we'll have less things to explain to him later
He's not old enough
He is
What do you know that I don't?
Oh look at this! Emilio, what's going on here?
They've shut down the video store. You know, the crisis
What crisis?
Well, the same crisis there always is, right?
I wonder what will open up here now
Juan, let's get it ourselves and I'll open the boutique!
I don't know if that's such a good idea...
What am I famous for in the neighbourhood?
For being a busybody!
What the hell!
I'm famous for my style
Look! This is called urban fashion
And everyone's jealous of me because of how well I dress
Right, absolutely sweetheart, but...
We'll take out a loan and open up the shop!
How do you think Sara started? Like this
I can't see this working out
No, me neither...what a mess!
What we need here is a decent sex shop
Bloody boutiques! "Urban fashion" she says
She looks like a hedgehog
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
The caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Mix in a cocktail shaker
thunder, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Roberto!
Oh no, I've stained my top
Come on honey!
You don't want to be late for your first day at work
No! I'm not going anywhere like this!
Ok well I'm off, take the bus, bye!
No, no! Wait!
Wow, what a handsome guy I've got!
But what have you done to this tie?
How do I know? I haven't worn one since my first communion
and my grandfather tied the knot then
Very handsome
Let's go babe!
Hey I haven't had any breakfast!
Ok well grab something quick. I'll get the car out. And get a move on
because my dad wants to introduce you to the architects' team
Fuck! This is so uncomfortable
They fired me, Emilio, I'm out on the street
I told you nobody ever went in that video store
I don't know what I'm gonna do, man
You'd better study something or you'll end up like him
Hey, I'm a well-educated guy! I watch loads of TV
Who's he meant to be?
Hey, what's the deal?
Who died, man?
Stop taking the piss, I've already had it up to here
But where are you off to dressed like that?
To work at Lucia´s dad's company
No shit! Another one with connections! That's the way this country's going!
Oh look, mummy's here for you, go on!
Run along now boy, they're taking you to school!
Later I'll tell how much they're paying, losers!
Stop bragging and get moving!
See what happens to you if you study
Bye honey
You can't see anything
What are they gonna open here?
Oh, hairdresser, make-up artist and receptionist required
What could it be?
A garage, what do you think! A hairdresser's!
I'll tell Belén, she might be interested
Yeah! About time one of you got a proper job
That's great, right? A hairdresser's right on our doorstep!
Now we can read the magazines for free
Oh, is there something opening here already?
Yeah, a hairdresser's!
See Juan? They've beaten us to it now!
Yes, it's a shame because we've just applied for the loan
Ooh, you can hear noises
What's that then? The tanning machine?
What kind of hairdresser's is this!
Excuse me please
Juan, this is a funeral parlour!
Oh how lovely!
Why couldn't they open up a sex shop?
It's his fault!
Quit Señor Cuesta, quit!
How is it my fault that they've opened this up here?
No funeral parlour's here, Juan, NO FUNERAL PARLOUR'S HERE!
Hey, they're opening a hairdresser's where the video store used to be
Great! I'll wait a bit and then go for a waxing
No! They've placed an ad for a receptionist
Oh! You're gonna get a job!
Excuse me! I meant for you
I'm an actress and product presenter
The only product you've ever presented were some turkey sausages in a supermarket
And the muesli bars!
For your information, Brad Pitt used to be a waiter in Los Ángeles
See? Even Brad Pitt worked at one time
Fine, well they need a receptionist downstairs
Get off my back!
Well, I guess anything's better than selling hamburgers
and it is right next to the flat as well
Go on then, get downstairs!
What are you waiting for? One has to earn a living
I'm gonna change
Put something sexy on, show a bit of leg, that always helps
Natalia, you keep leaving all your stuff everywhere and I can't live like this!
Ok!
No, it's not ok!
Juan, say something to this girl please!
I'm in the bathroom!
Natalia, come and help me!
What's this!
Juan!
What's wrong?
Look what I found in Natalia's bag!
- Is she taking drugs? - No, worse!
Natalia! Natalia, can you tell me what these are?
They're pills for stress
Stress! They're contraceptive pills!
Exactly! If I get pregnant, it'll stress you out, right?
Oh my God!
Natalia, you're not old enough to take these!
When I was your age, I didn't take anything
And look what happened to us
Hey, I'm about to turn 18, I'm supposed to be a woman now
No, your mother's a woman! You're just a girl!
Look, I've got a boyfriend and I'm sleeping with him
so the doctor prescribed me the pill
What's the problem?
What!
The problem is...it's...
Paloma, you tell her what the problem is
We need to meet your boyfriend and his parents!
Right, because if you're out there living it up, we need to be aware of it
As long as you're living under this roof, you have to...
Fine! I'll call him but don't lecture me
Fuck, you're so annoying
Juan, this girl's gotten out of control
It's your fault, what did you look in her bag for?
You're grounded!
Whatever you say
As if we didn't already have enough problems!
It's horrible! I can't live with a funeral parlour on the doorstep
Apparently they cremate people
When I go out on the street, I get smoke all over me
And there's no cigarette machine either!
I don't think it's that bad, seriously
We can live next to it perfectly well
Ok but you shut your mouth because my husband's the president
Look here Paloma, I'll shut my mouth if I feel like it
But it doesn't bother me either, it's just the same as any other business
What! So a funeral parlour's the same as a baker's?
Well they've both got an oven!
Just a joke to lighten the mood a bit
This really gives me the creeps
Can't we do anything about it?
Look!
Listen, your president's about to speak
I propose we appoint a committee to convey our discontentment to them
cordially invite them to discontinue their business in the community
and seek an alternative arrangement in another location
Right, volunteers?
I thought as much! Emilio, come with me
Oh, but these places kinda freak me out
Emilio!
Coming
Oh my God, look at the size of that!
Come on
Hello there
Hi there, I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
Eduardo, manager, what can I do for you?
No, no, it's not for me. We've come to convey...
- Eduardo - What?
I'm done embalming Mr García now. Do you want to give him the once-over?
Yes, this is Clara, our embalmer
Pleased to meet you
Hi how are you?
Excuse me for a minute, we're short of staff and inundated at the moment
Too right they're inundated
Look where they've left one of them
That man's not dead! He's asleep!
But he's not moving
I'll give him a little push and see what happens
Leave him be!
A wonderful recreation...ok, I'm back with you now
Right...you were saying you're the president of the community
Right
I'd like to convey to you our discontentment
and invite you to move your business to a more suitable location than this one
Listen, I understand that on the face of it, this business might seem a little...
unpleasant. But I can assure you that you won't have any problems
We're a multinational company with over 200 facilities all over the world
and all the necessary permits to provide a full service to the deceased
No, I have no doubt that you're highly qualified
- Whoa! - What are you playing at?
Sorry, you were leaning forward and I thought you were going to fall over
In addition, you should know that as neighbours
we'll give you a 20 % discount on all our products and services
Ah! Well, thank you
You can convey to your neighbours that we're going to get along spendidly
and that I hope it'll be for many years to come
Right, they're all gonna be thrilled!
I don't know how much longer I can take this
I'm like the kid from the Sixth Sense, seeing dead bodies all day
Do you know what your problem is?
Deep down you're morbid and you love to look
Do what I do, when you walk past, don't look!
That's what's so depressing. Don't you realise
that all society is based on the denial of death?
Interesting thought...I'm going running
We live our lives believing we're not gonna die
Yeah, because that tends to help. Look, do this one thing for me
Have a chocolate ice cream, take a tranquiliser pill, and you'll feel better
But it's really upsetting. Just imagine something happens to you, for example
But why's something gonna happen to me?
Well because it COULD happen at any time
You go out running, trip over your shoelace
bang your head against a lamppost. Wallop! It's all over! And what am I supposed to do?
Look, if what you want is for us to register as common law partners
let me tell you there are much more romantic ways of asking me
No, it's because I love you so much
I love you so much, ok? And I don't tell you enough. Be careful please
Ok relax, I'll do up my laces and dodge lampposts
Be really careful, ok?
- Yeah! - But all the time, ok?
Hey, have you seen that birthmark?
What birthmark?
I think it's changed colour, we should go to the doctor's
Oh God!
And I'm gonna give you a high-vis raincoat. Nobody can see you in that
This evening neighbours' meeting at the usual place. Please bring refreshments.
Shit Belén, how classy!
Hey, you haven't got a date, have you?
No! I've got a job interview, you moron!
You never got dressed up like this for me
Belén, can we get back together? I'm so lonely
Aw! I feel so bad for you!
Hey, I broke up with you! So surely we can start dating again if I want to
What! I'm not a taxi!
You can't jump in and out whenever you feel like it
- Frigid is what you are! - Well, you're an idiot!
See? We've fixed things now. When do you wanna get together?
Belén!
Hello
Hello...er I've come about the ad for a receptionist but I think...
Yes, come in and take a seat please
You're lucky because you're the first. Come in
- Here? - Yes
How are you?
A bit nervous
Don't worry
Let's see then, do you have any experience in the field of funeral parlours?
Well I work in a burger bar so I'm used to handling flesh past its best
Sorry
No, I get it
That's great, a sense of humour is really good in this line of work
We try to lighten the atmosphere too as much as possible
Oh, I'm great at that
It's how I cope with all my problems in life
Anyway, working in a funeral parlour isn't easy
Does it upset you to see a corpse?
Well, same as anyone else
I mean, I've never had the pleasure
No, not the pleasure. I mean the opportunity
Right, look, learn these phrases
They're useful for comforting relatives, you know
Ok...but are you hiring me then?
Yes, the position's yours. You can start tomorrow
So will I have to sell flowers and coffins then?
No, not exactly. We provide a more complete, American-style service
which includes transportation, embalming,
haircutting, make-up, cremation, burial
Look, I'll show you our facilities
actually, we're in the middle of embalming one of our...clients
Come in, it's through here
Look, what about the salary?
Sir?
Hello?
They're here
I'm not gonna like him. I know I'm not gonna like him!
Let's give him a chance, sweetheart. He might be a nice boy
He's sleeping with our daughter
You're right. I'm not gonna like him either
Hello, I'm Álvaro
Yes, come in, we were expecting you
Hasn't your son come?
Sorry?
No it's fine, this way way we can talk amongst ourselves and be completely honest
Listen, the thing is we genuinely think that our kids
are too young to be...to be...you take my meaning, don't you?
Yes, but I think there's been some kind of mistake here
because I haven't got a son
Sorry?
I'm Natalia's boyfriend
Sorry?
We've been dating for 2 weeks now
But...when is your son coming round then?
It's him, he's the one dating Natalia
Ah...right
Get out of here, you paedophile!
Cradle snatcher!
Find someone your own age! They all get plastic surgery!
But if you'd just let me explain...
Fuck, what a drag
We need to take that girl to see a shrink
But an NHS one because the other kind cost a fortune
Isn't Álvaro here yet? He told me he was parking
Natalia, there's something wrong with you!
Take away that man's hair and you get your father!
Dad, where's Álvaro?
On his way home, which is where he ought to be
And be grateful we haven't reported him
I'll tell him to come up right now so you can apologise
Hey, Natalia
Álvaro!
Look, from now on, I strictly forbid you to...
Fuck! Is that his car?
Álvaro! See now why I never introduce anyone to you two!
That car costs a fortune
15 million pesetas just in metallic paint
Sweetheart, what does that man do for a living?
He owns art galleries
He just opened one in New York
and his father's got vineyards in La Rioja
Wow Juan, like Angela Channing
Look, if you've messed up my relationship, I'll never forgive you for the rest of my life!
Natalia! Hey!
Ok, well she's angry now, but in time she'll thank us for it, you'll see
Juan, we can't fight against love. You can see they love each other
What?
Don't you worry about a thing! I'll take care of this
Alicia!
They hired me
Really? Cool, I'll drop by and maybe you can do me some streaks for free
Yeah, the only thing is you'll have to get knocked down by a bus first
What? Why?
Because it's a funeral parlour, you idiot!
No! God, why did you take the job then?
Because they pay 1,500 euros
Anyway, what's wrong with working in a funeral parlour?
Well, it's not exactly what you dream of doing as a child
Hey, I might meet a hot widower
And his wife won't say anything to you
Well, let's see how it goes tomorrow
Oh my God
Isn't working in the same company great, babe?
Now we're gonna be able to spend more time together
Yeah
But why didn't you tell me you were gonna be my boss?
What's the big deal?
Well I don't like it. It's awkward
Everyone knows I'm your boyfriend and they look at me like I'm the boss's favourite
Well that's what you are
What about you then?
I've been working there for 4 years and I've got a Master's in Business Management
Sure, you forget to mention you're the boss's daughter on your CV
Look, what is that bothers you?
Working with me or having a woman for a boss?
God! Now she's going feminist on me
Listen Lucía, I'm not showering you in praise cos you've got the cushiest job
I could do it with my eyes shut
Is that so?
It's just that I'm an artist
I've never liked business
Ok fine, well I'll be happy to let you have my position
I'll take a couple of weeks off which I could really do with
Ok, call your dad
Right now
Hey, what is it you have to do exactly?
Tomorrow my secretary will bring you up to speed
Sweet! I'm gonna have my own secretary
She's 57 years old
Ok...is she hot, though?
I said nothing can be done and that's all there is to it
The funeral parlour is a perfectly legal business
and we're going to have to learn to live with it
But why couldn't they have opened a sweet factory?
Furthermore, it's not all bad news
After some tough negotiations, I managed to secure all residents
a special 20 % discount on all the funeral parlour's products and services
Ah well that's great!
And what do I want a discount on that for?
She's right. Because when I snuff it, I won't have to pay anything
Fuck, look at these prices! It costs you an arm and a leg just to die!
Well why not look on the bright side?
That's true, there are some very pretty widows
Yeah, and it's really gonna raise the prices of the flats on the lower floors
No! I mean this will help us realise that life's short
we need to be happy and all get along better together
Oh God! The snob's gone hippy on us!
Paloma, one of these days, you and me are gonna have a problem
I'LL be the one giving YOU the problems!
You don't say! What are you gonna do to me? Let's see!
Come on, let's not get things out of proportion!
over an issue that's not all that important
Fernando's right, please
Anyway, it would have been much worse if they'd opened a bar or a disco
At least this is a business that's quiet
In fact, I can't think of a quieter business
That's for sure, we're not gonna have any noise
Look, here comes another one! This must be the worst time of day
Come on, come inside now
Can't you stop yourself from looking or what?
Hey, how long's it been since we had a check-up?
How do I know?
Well I'm gonna phone and make an appointment, that's what we've got health insurance for
and we'll get blood tests, heart tests, chest x-rays...everything
Alright but calm down, ok?
Because you don't seem yourself with this business of the funeral parlour
Not myself! Come here please
Stand here next to me but take your shoes off first
Fernando, take your shoes off and stand here next to me, please!
Fine!
Come here
Shit, that burns!
It's the cremation oven from downstairs. What are we gonna do?
Well look to begin with, I'll switch off the heating
and that way we can save ourselves a few quid
Seriously, your optimisim disgusts me!
Lucía! The alarm, come on, time for work!
It's your alarm
Yeah
I'm going but I need to pee first
Alright honey
I'm gonna stay in bed
Suit yourself. I'm gonna make the most of the day
Shit! It's still the middle of the night out there
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Flowers, flowers! Flowers for your dearly departed!
Carnations! Daisies! General flowers!
Hey, don't buy them in there, they'll rip you off
I don't know anyone who's died!
Shit well get some for your wife then, you're neglecting her!
Flowers! Flowers!
Some flowers sir?
Emilio! What do you think you're doing?
Just making a few quid
You said in the meeting that we had to get used to living with the funeral parlour here
So I'm getting used to it
You can't sell in the street, Emilio, it's strictly forbidden
Stop for goodness sake!
Right, like parking in the disabled spaces and look where you've left your car
Huh?
No, I was just saying, have a great day at school, Señor Juan
Ah
See you later
We're dust in the wind. It's always the best ones that have to leave us
Just think that now they're in a better place
I'd almost rather "hamburger, medium fries and soda!"
What the hell, Belén! Who are you dressed up as?
It's my new uniform
But anyone would think you work here in the funeral parlour...
No shit! Are you working here?
Have you got a problem with that?
No, no way! This way I know you're not getting it on with any of the customers
Flowers, flowers for your dearly departed!
Kids, don't you want any flowers for your dead?
Be brave Señora Navarro! We have to stay strong!
I can't! I can't!
Hello
Belén, this lady's just lost her husband
Attend to her please
How are you holding up?
Don't worry! Life goes on!
Just think that now he's in a better place
Ok, sit down, sit down
I'll show you some really nice coffins
Look at this one, how lovely with the crosses!
You don't like it
What are you playing at? That's Natalia's bag!
Quiet! Listen Jose Miguel, How do you unlock this?
Green button and star
Green button and star
Hang on, what are you gonna do?
Quiet!
Álvaro! This is it!
Álvaro? No, it's not Natalia, it's Paloma, her mum
Yeah, listen, we're all a little upset here about what happened yesterday
No, it's just that my husband is a bit old-fashioned
but he really liked you
Like hell he did
Well the thing is, Natalia thought you could come round for dinner tonight
Yes, well to get to know us a little better. That's right
No, don't bring anything
You don't need to. No!
Well ok then, bring some prawns
- Oh God! - Yes, tonight
At 9 o'clock. Great
Well, we'll see you later then. Bye
I thought Natalia was going to Marta's birthday party tonight
Quiet! How do you lock this?
Star!
Right then, put this bag in your sister's bed before she gets out of the shower
Go on! Quick, run!
- But you're the one who took it! - Don't answer back!
I'm gonna make myself a coffee
The "Life to Come Funeral Parlour", Belén speaking, how can I help you?
Oh my love, I'm so sad!
My Agustín's gone and left me!
Madam, please accept my condolences
Please accept what, my love?
No, I mean I'm very sorry for your loss
Just think that now he's in a better place
But now I'm all on my own! All on my own!
Well actually, not yet, because he'll be here until they take him away
Madam, you have to be strong
But I can't carry weight, my love
No, don't carry anything
Leave him where he is and we'll come and get him
Oh, and what do I need to do now then? Look at one of those coffins?
Yes! Actually, we've got a wide range of products...
No my love, give me the cheapest one please
How much is the cheapest one?
Well, for the cheapest one you're looking at paying around...
600 euros. Yes, 600
Oh God! And that's the cheapest! The bastards!
Well er...the thing is...it's very good quality
Oh, it's such bad luck!
because I've just bought a new fridge and I threw away the box
Well Madam, I think that...
it's worth making a small sacrifice in these difficult times
But I can't spend all that money just to bury him!
Well, I'd say the situation warrants it, don't you think?
Emilio, I'm busy, wait outside for a second
I believe your husband was a good person and deserves this and much more besides
Come off it! He cheated on my with my sister and she was uglier than me
You asshole!
Ok, well I'll call back another time, my love, ok, bye now
Belén, don't be angry, I just wanted you to get some practice in
Get out of here!
- You look so pretty in that uniform - Get out of here!
Go shove your stupid jokes up your ass!
My love, you can't throw a living person out of the funeral parlour!
What the hell is this?
Vicenta! Your food's burning!
No, it's not me! It's coming from the funeral parlour. They must be cooking something
No, it's the cremation oven, you idiot!
Ew, gross! And me with got my washing out!
They don't have enough clients and wanna kill us all!
It's a horrible black smoke that's coming from your window and going everywhere
It's not our fault
According to the engineer, it's due to an obstruction in the building's ventilation ducts
And that's the responsibility of the community
so fix it or we'll be forced to take legal action
Oh, so to cap it all off, you're going to report us!
This is how we make a living and cremation is very popular at the moment
Sorry
What do they put them in the oven for when they say the microwave is quicker?
But look here, Juan, we run the community
and if these people won't take the hint and leave of their own accord, we'll have to make them leave!
What do you mean?
What's the worst thing that could happen to a funeral parlour?
For them to ban smoking
No, they could lose a body
Paloma, sweetheart, you're not suggesting we steal a body, are you?
What a good idea, Juan. Tonight you can arrange everything, darling
Señor Cuesta, I can see holes in this plan
We should have opened the boutique!
Sure, I told you so
Mum, I love you lots
No, I love you lots and I don't tell you it enough
No, don't put me on to dad!
Ok, take care...oh, and switch off the gas!
Mauri, what's this?
Check it out! A treadmill so you can run here in the flat
Look, it's got loads of different settings, uphill, downhill
heart rate, calory count, and a bottle holder slot
I don't wanna seem ungrateful but I like running out in the street
But don't you see that in the street you could get knocked down by a car,
attacked or raped?
Go on, at least give it a try
- Let's see - Look!
It's switched on now, isn't it great?
Yeah, it's really good but...
Right and this way if you have a heart attack, I can take care of you
Oh and talking of heart attacks, put this on
What is it?
The best invention there is, I had a hard time getting hold of it
Look, if you feel sick, just press this button and an ambulance will come get you
Just like that, without fees, paperwork, or anything
I can't wear this! It's for old people who live by themselves!
Well mobile phones used to be for rich businessmen and now everyone's got one
Ok, well alright but switch it off...I don't feel like using it right now
- Ok - No, that increases the speed, stop it!
Hang on, it'll be this button then
I'm gonna slip!
Well jump off then
Are you alright? If you don't feel well, press the button
I don't know why we have to have dinner with him
I have a really strong aversion for that man
That boy! Álvaro's not that old
When I think of him with our daughter, it makes me sick
- Hello, come in! - Alright there
Wow, prawns! I'll have to freeze some for New Year's Eve
And a bottle of wine from the reserves of 1982
How lovely! Come in and sit down!
Make yourself at home, ok?
Thank you
- Hi - Hi
This is Jose Miguel, our youngest
- What's up man? - Alright there
Where's Natalia?
She's gone to a birthday party but she told me to eat without her
She should be along later
Juan, open the wine, it needs to breath
Well then Álvaro, tell us how you met Natalia
Well, she's one of my daughter's classmates
Oh so you've got a daughter? Keep an eye on her
You never know who could be trying to bang her
Listen, you're not married, are you?
No, divorced
My wife and I grew apart over time and...
Sure, when they turn 20, they lose their appeal, don't they?
Juan, eat your soup, it's getting cold
Look, I understand that the age difference with Natalia might be an obstacle
At the end of the day, I'm 38...
38! But you're just a boy!
Besides, that means you're the same age as me
The important thing is that you love each other
So it was your idea for her to go on the pill, was it?
Of course, it's not the same if you wear a condom
Juan!
Dad, your soup!
I'm home!
How are you?
On top of the world, honey
How's my project manager doing?
Great, yeah really great actually
because...no, it's bloody shit!
I can't take any more of this crap!
All those meetings are killing me. And we've had some of our building work stopped
because they've found Roman ruins in the garage
But why did the surveyor have to say anything?
Just lay the cement and keep your mouth shut, dammit!
Tomorrow that guy can kiss goodbye to his job
Why the hell were those ancient civilizations so obsessed with burying everything!
And then some clients are complaining cos they've found some cracks in a wall!
Just put some pictures up like everyone else, for fuck's sake!
As if that wasn't enough, I realised that this suit's given me dandruff
Well I went shopping with Alicia
I got a massage and I ate at an amazing Arab restaurant with my sister Elisabeth
See? Now they're on at me again!
Hello?
No...I don't know
Alright then, well send me a fax
Oh no, I don't have a fax machine
Oh well, never mind!
You know what? I'm switching this off because I can't carry on otherwise
But who the hell gave them our home phone number?
Erm I did, in case of emergency
Get off my back, for fuck's sake! No, damn it!
Who was that?
My mum
I can't carry on like this, Lucía, I just can't
I've got chest pain, I'm gonna have a heart attack
That's indigestion. Where did you have lunch?
I didn't! I didn't have time!
Look Lucía, I take it back, you win
You're better at this job than me, you've got a natural talent for it
No, I'm not going back
Oh right, so tomorrow...
What?
Roberto, today I felt so happy
Can you believe I left my phone at home and didn't miss it?
Sure, you screwed us over, that's why they've all been calling me
Have you seen the funeral parlour they've opened downstairs?
Yeah, that's where I'm headed at the moment
Well I've been thinking and...
I've realised that life's short and we need to enjoy it
I've spent my whole life doing what people say we're supposed to do
I'm about to turn 30 and...well, I'm not sure about what I want
And couldn't you have thought about this at another time?
So as I've got a bit of money put by, I'm gonna take a few months off
Hold on, hold on! What am I supposed to do then?
Well, what you're doing at the moment
Besides, my dad's happy with you
No, no, no! Look Lucía...tomorrow you're going back to work
No! I'm off to Istanbul for a week
- To Istanbul? - Yeah
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me!
And also, tonight we're gonna go out for a drink
because we never go out anywhere
Look Álvaro, now that we know one so well and you're like family
I'm going to tell you something
Natalia might be taking the pill
but with the memory she's got, one of these days you're gonna get her pregnant
I don't think...
No, it's fine. "The important thing is that you love each other"
And while we're on the subject, as your family have masses of money
and I know you need to find ways of laundering it
I've got 3 words to say to you: Paloma Urban Fashion
You provide the money and I'll provide the expertise
We'll start with 3 shops, one here, one in Marbella, and another one in Benidorm
and we'll hit the big time!
Right well, that's all very interesting
but tomorrow I've got an early start tomorrow and...
Wait a second, I'll show you some sketches I've made
Listen, I think your wife's got the wrong idea about...
So you like my daughter's breasts, do you?
Right well, I think I'd better be going
No, wait, I've got three 3 words to say to you too
YOU'RE A BASTARD!
- Dad, your soup! - I don't want any more soup!
It's been a pleasure, really
Wait, where are you going?
Thanks very much
You're welcome any time, you know where we are now
Señor Cuesta, the funeral parlour's about to close and you need to go rob the dead body
Fucking hell!
Who's that?
But why's he going? What did you say to him?
You're gonna get it from Natalia when she comes home, I don't want anything to do with it
Me neither
Emilio, let's get down to work!
A boutique and a house, even if it's semi-detached
Is that too much to ask for from life or what?
When I get a girlfriend, there's no fucking way I'm bringing her here
Emilio, you've got a copy of the key, right?
Yeah, they haven't changed the lock
I used this key to nick films from the video store
The only thing is I haven't got a video player
Right, are we sure about what we're gonna do?
Look, I'll do whatever it takes to stop my mum banging on at me about the funeral parlour
Well I'm the caretaker and for any work outside the building, I charge extra
You'll do as you're told!
Ok, that's cleared that up then
Get ready, she's coming out
Emilio, let this be the last time I catch you taking the shampoo samples from the magazines they leave in the letterboxes!
Sorry, I couldn't resist because it was 2 in 1 with shampoo and conditioner
It's a disgrace!
Evening Belén
Evening
Come on, let's go
We need to make this quick because I've got a date
This is the plan: you 2 go in and get a body
while I keep watch by the door
Right, and how are you gonna let us know if someone comes?
3 fast knocks means someone's coming. 2 fast knocks and 1 slow one means someone's coming but they're walking right by
2 slow ones and 1 fast one and 2 more slow ones means the area's clear
I didn't get a word of that
Never mind. Let's go in! If someone comes, whistle
I can't whistle! That's why I wanted to knock!
Here comes Miss Rottenmeier
How were things at the office? Was there a good atmosphere?
Well for your information, I love my job
It's the first time I've ever felt like I'm helping other people
But they're dead
Their relatives I mean!
I comfort and console them, and I'm not bad at it either!
I'm a good psychologist
Today my boss did this to me
And?
All I ever got from the burger bar supervisor in the 2 months I worked there was
I'm so happy that I'm gonna make up with Emilio
Oh, are you still seeing him?
No, we broke up
So you were dating then?
No because he dumped me
He dumped you? Emilio dumped you!
No, you're twisting my words
Emilio dumped you! You can't fall any lower than that!
Shit, and I was having such a nice day till now!
No way! I can't believe it!
Quick, quick!
Fuck, this guy weighs a ton!
Where are we gonna leave him?
Where do you think? In Emilio's flat!
What! Come on, show a bit of respect!
Nobody will see it there
What about me?
There
Fuck!
Ok...it'll do just fine here
Yeah, and what I am supposed to do now? Put the TV on for him for a while?
Come on, just think that you're doing something good for the community
Tomorrow those people will get reported and goodbye funeral parlour!
Some night I've got to look forward to with my cuz over here!
Seriously, what a shitshow
Emilio!
What's up?
Can we talk?
Sure, what's up?
Right, now everything's straightened out
Let's go inside because I'm really happy to see you
No! Wait, don't you think we're rushing things?
What! But you've been begging me to take you back for over a week now!
Ok, alright then, let's go the cinema to celebrate it!
- No! - Come on, Belén!
No! First things first!
Afterwards we can go wherever you want
Belén, you can't come in
But why not?
Erm...well because I've got another woman in there
Come off it, Emilio!
Belén, no! No!
What's this?
Erm...they're my skis
Didn't I tell you I'm off for a week's skiing?
That's Mr Navarro!
Don't tell me you've stolen a body from the funeral parlour!
No, it wasn't me, I'm just a servant
It was Senor Cuesta's idea
We need to get this out of here right now
Oh my God! I'm gonna end up on the dole and you're gonna go to jail!
Fuck, some family we're gonna form then
Look Belén, I reckon maybe it's best if we break up again then, don't you?
Cover him up, do up the zip!
Oh my God!
Hey, where shall we leave him?
Where he was before, where do you think!
Someone's coming!
In the bin, in the bin!
In the green one!
Quick, quick!
- Hello love birds! - Hi
Do you wanna go for a drink?
No thanks, we're dog tired
Right, you look it
Right then! Life's too short, enjoy yourselves while you can
Tell that to him
God that was close
Evening
Hey, where do you think you're going?
To throw out the trash...hey, what's this?
I don't know, you wouldn't believe the things these people throw out
Let's see!
What's the matter with? Have you lost your minds?
What on earth possessed you to steal a dead body?
It was so they'd report the funeral parlour and shut it down
Ah, right, great, and what were you planning on doing with the body afterwards?
Every plan has its weakness
Well I'd rather not know anything about that weakness
You're all gonna end up in jail
Besides, didn't you stop to think that the one time I've got a job I like
thanks to you I could lose it?
I don't care about that! But going to jail does worry me
And didn't you think about the poor man's family either?
Think how badly they must be suffering
You should be ashamed of playing hide and seek with his body!
Well, it does sound nasty if you put it like that
Nah! He's a lawyer and knows how to twist everything!
Look, it's true what we did wasn't right
maybe we were a little bit hasty
A LITLE BIT!
Let's put the body back while we still can
or we're gonna get in a lot of trouble
Let's go!
Where did you leave it?
Here, in the bin
In the bin?
Damn it! The rubbish lorry's been past!
What are you talking about?
The body's not here, they've taken him
But how come they didn't realise?
The bins are emptied automatically! The binmen don't even notice what's in them!
Oh God!
Well then, we'll just have to get the body back
What, to make meatballs? There's a shredder on those lorries
See Juan! We should have opened the boutique!
What are we gonna do then?
I don't want any trouble, I'm gonna turn myself in
You stay where you are!
Well, tomorrow that man's family are coming for the wake
Can you tell me what the hell I'm gonna show them?
Nothing, you need to persuade them to cremate
and if they wanna see him, then show them an urn
And if you need ashes, you know who to ask
Oh God!
Yes, 1 metre 82 tall, stubble
dark-skinned, VERY handsome, something must have happened to him
Oh, he's here now! He's back!
Thanks so much officer, sorry
Where on earth have you been?
What did you call the police for?
Well if you tell me you're taking out the trash and it takes you 43 minutes
obviously something's happened to you or else you're cheating on me
and in either case, we're gonna need the police
Mauri, we can't go on like this
You can't spend all day thinking something bad's gonna happen
I know but I can't help it
Fernando, we're like a steak which has been taken out of the fridge
It's our fate to go off
Ok, relax, it's that funeral parlour downstairs that's brought this on
so it's fine because they're gonna go away soon
How do you know that?
I just know!
The neighbours have gone on the war path and stolen a dead body
And what have they done with it?
Well, to cut a long story short, the rubbish lory's taken it away
Don't ask!
Hey, if something happens to me, I'd rather be cremated, ok?
Don't worry, that's not gonna happen for a long, long time
You really need to get that birth mark looked at
Mum! Dad!
She's found out about it now, I'm going to the bathroom
You stay where you are! Don't move a muscle!
Álvaro just called and broke up with me! Are you gonna tell me what happened?
Sweetheart, we couldn't have been nicer to him
Sure, that's why dad called him a bastard
and you asked him to open 3 shops for you
It wasn't like that, tell her how it happened, Juan
I was eating soup
Anyway, who are you gonna believe, a stranger or your parents?
Do I need to answer that?
Natalia, that old man wasn't right for you
But why should you get to decide what's right for me?
Because I'm your mother, end of story!
And while you live under this roof, you'll do as you're told
And when it's explained like that, everything becomes perfectly clear
It's clear to me
Right, well that's not gonna be a problem anymore because I'm leaving this house
Natalia, there's no need to...
Leave her be Juan! Leave her be, she's lying
What better place is there for her than with her parents?
Oh look at this design, we could copy this one
because it was made by an Italian and they'll never realise
Lucía, the alarm
Yeah honey, I heard it
I'm not planning on going to work
Me neither
Ok, I hope you can live with your conscience
I hope YOU can live with YOURS
Fucking hell!
This takes the piss, seriously
Well don't go then! Don't go!
Let's catch a flight and head to Istanbul!
Here we go again about Istanbul! Lucía, we've got responsbilities
we're not teenagers anymore
You sound so old, you know that
That tie's gone to your head if you ask me
It's time we grew up, we're getting married soon, dammit!
Honey, about the marriage, let's not rush things!
Ok babe? No pressure
Hang on, hang on, hang on!
I've already told everyone
My mum's already on a diet, my aunt's knitting herself a dress
and my gran's so happy she's given up her walking stick
If I tell her the wedding's off, she'll get it back out and beat my head in with it
Relax babe!
The important thing is to be happy, sweetheart
What? Look...I'm going because I'm gonna be late
But later you and me need to have a serious talk
Ok
Hello?
Yeah, I'm on my way, dammit!
Well tell the city councillor to have a coffee while he's waiting
Where the hell have you been! The widow's about to arrive
It was her, she spent an hour in the bathroom
Eduardo, can you come out here for a second, please?
You need to distract him for a good while, ok?
Yeah, yeah, don't worry
We're pensioners, distracting people is what we're best at
Well?
These ladies insisted on dealing with you personally
Of course. How can I help you?
Well look, as we've reached a certain age, we wanted to find out a bit more about how this works
Ok, if you'd be so good as to take a seat, I'll...
No, we want to see the facilities, especially where you do the embalming
I'm very fussy about my make-up you see
And how hot is the cremation oven?
- Around 1300 degrees - Right, the cakes must rise in there straight away
What a lovely smile he's got! It's hard to believe he works here
Ladies, ladies!
I'll stay here
Belén! The widow's here now
Give me a catalogue!
Are you gonna stay here?
Yeah, I'll help you to persuade her, I'll pretend to be a customer
No! Get out! Beat it!
Good morning, we're here now
How are you holding up Madam?
Not very well at all
This is my sister and my daughter
Pleased to meet you
- Is the wake ready now? - Yes it is
Can we see my husband?
Of course, but take a seat just for a second
while they finish preparing the body, laying the flowers, and so on
Have you considered the advantages of cremating?
No, to be honest, it's not something we'd be keen to do
We're very traditional about these things
Well it's the cleanest, greenest and cheapest option
Right, I'll be with you in a minute sir
Actually, I've cremated all my family
and with the money I saved on burial plots, I travelled to Disney Land
Sir, would you let me do my job please?
Ah sorry, sorry Madam. My deepest condolences
No, don't get upset!
Look, we've always favoured a proper, traditional burial
but with land prices the way they are...
Excuse me madam, what football team did your husband support?
Madrid. Why?
Because there's an urn here that's a carbon copy of the Champions League cup
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave
Sorry, sorry, my deepest condolences once again Madam
Don't cry lady! Look at the lovely Champions League cup
Look, you've had a day off work and it did you good
What's the problem?
It's just that I feel culpable, it's as if I'd skipped class
What's wrong with skipping class?
No, nothing
You need to learn how to have a good time, girl
At first when you came here, I couldn't stand you
Me? Why?
So perfect, hardworking, responsible
with your own flat, your boyfriend...I could have killed you
Oh pardon me Miss!
But I can see hope for you yet
Is that so?
You take it from me, you're talking to a real leisure expert here
You mustn't feel guilty. Having fun is much harder than working
- And it pays worse as well - That's true!
You wanna go to Istanbul, right?
Well talk to Roberto and the 2 of you can go together
I already told him about it but he won't come. He's become a workaholic
Well go by yourself then!
What! I can't go to Istanbul on my own!
Or better still, take me
Oh Alicia, I don't know...anyway, you need to plan trips, choose the right hotel...
No! That's a mistake! A real leisure expert doesn't plan, they act
They throw a couple of old rags in a bag and hit the airport!
Really?
- I don't know! What shall I do? - Go!
Oh Juan, what's the news?
Nothing, there's no news! This scandal's gonna cost me the presidency, Paloma
Juan, do you mind telling me what the hell the body was doing in the bin?
Shush, what a mess! The rubbish lorry took it away
No! I took it
You! What for?
To stop the rubbish lorry taking it
I hid it in Emilio's wardrobe
Quick! We need to put it back before the widow shows up
Come on!
No, after you. Poor Emilio!
Sorry but please don't insist anymore
My husband's last wish was to be buried in his village
And for us that's sacred
Very well, but I should warn you that with the transportation, 10 year rent of the burial spot
coffin, flowers, death certificate and maintenance
we're looking at around 5,500 euros
Although I think at one time he did also mention being cremated, didn't he?
Very well
Cremate Mr Navarro please
Hold on, we wanted to see him first
Oh, but you needed to tell me that before
This is all completely automatic and is a matter of seconds
You don't say
Look, he's just arrived through the urn elevator
Here's your husband
Don't touch him yet because he might burn
But it's physically impossible for...
Good morning! We've brought Mr Navarro
Sorry?
Look, let's get things straight, where were you keeping my husband?
On the second floor, in the hairdressing department. This is a very large company
So in that case who's this that you've brought me?
This is...a gentleman who nobody came to collect and we were holding here as a sample
Belén...what's going on?
That's just what I'd like to know. This is a disgrace!
I'm going to report you all
Wait madam please, I'm sure there must be an explanation for this
I hope so because you're going to have to give it to the police right now
Belén, why...what are the neighbours doing here?
Belén, what's going on here!
Well, we'll leave it here and let you take care of it
Listen for a second! Speak one at a time please or we won't understand anything
Right, what seems to be the problem?
This place is a disgrace!
Excuse me madam but I can assure that this is a very respectable company
which naturally will not be staying in this property a single day longer!
The only disgraceful thing here is the effrontery of these people
who had the nerve to steal a body from my establishment
for who knows what end
Fuck, he talks the talk!
You can see he went to uni
Look Constable, they lost the body and we just found it and took it back
Our CCTV will prove that to be a lie!
What? Have they got CCTV?
Right, well I'm off because I've got a date
He's lying, Señor Juan. What would they have CCTV in there for?
In case a dead guy gets away?
And if the footage isn't conclusive, we'll still always have the testimony of our employee, Belén
No, Belen's our neighbour. She won't testify against us
If I can keep my job, I'll say whatever you want me to
I want to report this company immediately
And I want to report this community for theft and contempt
And who do we report?
Right, come to the police station with us please. You too
Oh, not you again, Juan!
Señor Cuesta, you spend more time in prison than at home
I reiterate my innocence and I have complete faith in our legal system
which defends the rights of law-abiding citizens like myself
And I say that without any bitterness but I nonetheless affirm it to be true
He's not gonna shut up now till we get there
I'll take the car and drive straight there
No! Don't move it, it's in a good parking spot
Don't worry Paloma, he'll be right back. They've got him on their records
No, I'm going to the police station, I'm not leaving him there alone
Hey Belén, what you said last night about wanting to get back together with me...
Forget me! Ok?
Ok, I'll forget you, but shall we meet in my flat later?
This maths teacher look really turns me on!
Emilio, you're such a drag
Come on, love knows no bounds, can't you feel it in the air?
Belén, say something to me!
Belén!
What a day! What a mess!
Well, the important thing is that the funeral parlour's closing
But why did that judge have it in for me like that?
600 euro fine for unlawful appropriation
What would I want with a dead body!
Don't worry, the community will pay for it. We'll send them the bill and problem solved
Hey, Natalia gave me a message for you
What?
And she said she's left home
What? Where's she gone?
She's with those 2 whores upstairs. You need to pay me rent!
Natalia! Natalia, open up!
Oh, sorry. Natalia asks me to inform you that she's not under your roof any longer and to leave her alone
Well tell her the roof's the same because she hasn't changed buildings
Right. Natalia, now I'm not speaking to you as your father but as the president of the community
You have 5 seconds to come out
1, 2, 3
4, 5
6, 7
8, 9
Calm down, man, calm down. Look, what happened?
10, 11
What do you mean they've stolen a table from the apartment on display?
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,000
Yeah obviously! You need to keep an eye on the customers for fuck's sake!
Yeah...no, hang on a second, I'll call you back, I've got a call on the other line
Shit!
Hello?
Hi honey!
Lucía?
Yeah
What are you doing? Where are you?
In Istanbul babe
What?
I left you a note on the fridge
Oh right
But it says here: "Gone out for a minute"
Yeah, I felt the calling so I up and came, sweetheart
Hey, hang on a sec
No, listen VERY EXPENSIVE, VERY EXPENSIVE!
Honey, I'm buying a rug
Really? What colour?
Hold on, why do I care what colour it is? Lucía, have you lost your mind?
I'll be back next week, I've already got you a present
What the hell Lucía!
Honey, I've gotta hang up cos they're taking us to see the Blue Mosque
Hey! Watch out for those tour guides, I've seen "The Turkish Passion"
And that lot are really free with their hands
I love you babe! God I'm happy!
What?
"God I'm happy" And what about me? Sod me
Rafael, what a surprise!
What have you done to my daughter?
Sorry?
She just called me to say she's not coming back to the company
and she's in Turkey. What the hell is there in Turkey?
Turks? How do I know?
Look, you haven't got her mixed up in drugs, have you?
Come on! Of course not, Rafael!
Do the two of you smoke joints? I'm your father-in-law so you can tell me
I'll kill you afterwards but you can still tell me all the same
No! She told me she doesn't know what she wants
Well that's obvious, why else would she be dating you?
Hey, it's your fault for exploiting her in that hell you call an office
No, it's your fault because you're a loser and you've passed it on to her!
Hang on, I thought you were really happy with me
Happy! But you're completely useless!
Shout why don't you cos they didn't hear that downstairs
No, no, we did hear it
Roberto, thanks to you, I've lost my daughter
No! Thanks to you, I've lost my fiancée
Give me a hug
Sure
She'll come back, won't she?
I can't say
Roberto, I want you to know that for me my daughter's happiness is all that matters
and if she loves you, then I'll love you too
Oh, by the way, you're fired
Yay! Thanks so much!
521, 522, 523
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,000
Here, I made you a sandwich
Ah, thanks sweetheart
525, 526, 527...
Juan, I don't think she's gonna come out. Leave her
She'll soon realise what she's missing at home
I think she's realised by now
Oh, I don't remember what I wanted to tell you...
Oh yeah! I was thinking that now that the store downstairs is empty...
Yes Paloma! We'll open the boutique
"Urban fashion", babe, "urban fashion"
What is that? Because I keep hearing you say it but I have no idea what it even means
Well urban fashion, everything that I am
Modern, urban, talented, really stylish
I've made some drawings...
We might just as well have bought it on DVD ourselves
But how many days overdue is the film?
I don't know, Jose Miguel rented it
without saying anything to me about it
And why does the boy want to see Sex and Lucia anyway?
Let him watch what he wants, that way we'll have less things to explain to him later
He's not old enough
He is
What do you know that I don't?
Oh look at this! Emilio, what's going on here?
They've shut down the video store. You know, the crisis
What crisis?
Well, the same crisis there always is, right?
I wonder what will open up here now
Juan, let's get it ourselves and I'll open the boutique!
I don't know if that's such a good idea...
What am I famous for in the neighbourhood?
For being a busybody!
What the hell!
I'm famous for my style
Look! This is called urban fashion
And everyone's jealous of me because of how well I dress
Right, absolutely sweetheart, but...
We'll take out a loan and open up the shop!
How do you think Sara started? Like this
I can't see this working out
No, me neither...what a mess!
What we need here is a decent sex shop
Bloody boutiques! "Urban fashion" she says
She looks like a hedgehog
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
The caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Mix in a cocktail shaker
thunder, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Roberto!
Oh no, I've stained my top
Come on honey!
You don't want to be late for your first day at work
No! I'm not going anywhere like this!
Ok well I'm off, take the bus, bye!
No, no! Wait!
Wow, what a handsome guy I've got!
But what have you done to this tie?
How do I know? I haven't worn one since my first communion
and my grandfather tied the knot then
Very handsome
Let's go babe!
Hey I haven't had any breakfast!
Ok well grab something quick. I'll get the car out. And get a move on
because my dad wants to introduce you to the architects' team
Fuck! This is so uncomfortable
They fired me, Emilio, I'm out on the street
I told you nobody ever went in that video store
I don't know what I'm gonna do, man
You'd better study something or you'll end up like him
Hey, I'm a well-educated guy! I watch loads of TV
Who's he meant to be?
Hey, what's the deal?
Who died, man?
Stop taking the piss, I've already had it up to here
But where are you off to dressed like that?
To work at Lucia´s dad's company
No shit! Another one with connections! That's the way this country's going!
Oh look, mummy's here for you, go on!
Run along now boy, they're taking you to school!
Later I'll tell how much they're paying, losers!
Stop bragging and get moving!
See what happens to you if you study
Bye honey
You can't see anything
What are they gonna open here?
Oh, hairdresser, make-up artist and receptionist required
What could it be?
A garage, what do you think! A hairdresser's!
I'll tell Belén, she might be interested
Yeah! About time one of you got a proper job
That's great, right? A hairdresser's right on our doorstep!
Now we can read the magazines for free
Oh, is there something opening here already?
Yeah, a hairdresser's!
See Juan? They've beaten us to it now!
Yes, it's a shame because we've just applied for the loan
Ooh, you can hear noises
What's that then? The tanning machine?
What kind of hairdresser's is this!
Excuse me please
Juan, this is a funeral parlour!
Oh how lovely!
Why couldn't they open up a sex shop?
It's his fault!
Quit Señor Cuesta, quit!
How is it my fault that they've opened this up here?
No funeral parlour's here, Juan, NO FUNERAL PARLOUR'S HERE!
Hey, they're opening a hairdresser's where the video store used to be
Great! I'll wait a bit and then go for a waxing
No! They've placed an ad for a receptionist
Oh! You're gonna get a job!
Excuse me! I meant for you
I'm an actress and product presenter
The only product you've ever presented were some turkey sausages in a supermarket
And the muesli bars!
For your information, Brad Pitt used to be a waiter in Los Ángeles
See? Even Brad Pitt worked at one time
Fine, well they need a receptionist downstairs
Get off my back!
Well, I guess anything's better than selling hamburgers
and it is right next to the flat as well
Go on then, get downstairs!
What are you waiting for? One has to earn a living
I'm gonna change
Put something sexy on, show a bit of leg, that always helps
Natalia, you keep leaving all your stuff everywhere and I can't live like this!
Ok!
No, it's not ok!
Juan, say something to this girl please!
I'm in the bathroom!
Natalia, come and help me!
What's this!
Juan!
What's wrong?
Look what I found in Natalia's bag!
- Is she taking drugs? - No, worse!
Natalia! Natalia, can you tell me what these are?
They're pills for stress
Stress! They're contraceptive pills!
Exactly! If I get pregnant, it'll stress you out, right?
Oh my God!
Natalia, you're not old enough to take these!
When I was your age, I didn't take anything
And look what happened to us
Hey, I'm about to turn 18, I'm supposed to be a woman now
No, your mother's a woman! You're just a girl!
Look, I've got a boyfriend and I'm sleeping with him
so the doctor prescribed me the pill
What's the problem?
What!
The problem is...it's...
Paloma, you tell her what the problem is
We need to meet your boyfriend and his parents!
Right, because if you're out there living it up, we need to be aware of it
As long as you're living under this roof, you have to...
Fine! I'll call him but don't lecture me
Fuck, you're so annoying
Juan, this girl's gotten out of control
It's your fault, what did you look in her bag for?
You're grounded!
Whatever you say
As if we didn't already have enough problems!
It's horrible! I can't live with a funeral parlour on the doorstep
Apparently they cremate people
When I go out on the street, I get smoke all over me
And there's no cigarette machine either!
I don't think it's that bad, seriously
We can live next to it perfectly well
Ok but you shut your mouth because my husband's the president
Look here Paloma, I'll shut my mouth if I feel like it
But it doesn't bother me either, it's just the same as any other business
What! So a funeral parlour's the same as a baker's?
Well they've both got an oven!
Just a joke to lighten the mood a bit
This really gives me the creeps
Can't we do anything about it?
Look!
Listen, your president's about to speak
I propose we appoint a committee to convey our discontentment to them
cordially invite them to discontinue their business in the community
and seek an alternative arrangement in another location
Right, volunteers?
I thought as much! Emilio, come with me
Oh, but these places kinda freak me out
Emilio!
Coming
Oh my God, look at the size of that!
Come on
Hello there
Hi there, I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
Eduardo, manager, what can I do for you?
No, no, it's not for me. We've come to convey...
- Eduardo - What?
I'm done embalming Mr García now. Do you want to give him the once-over?
Yes, this is Clara, our embalmer
Pleased to meet you
Hi how are you?
Excuse me for a minute, we're short of staff and inundated at the moment
Too right they're inundated
Look where they've left one of them
That man's not dead! He's asleep!
But he's not moving
I'll give him a little push and see what happens
Leave him be!
A wonderful recreation...ok, I'm back with you now
Right...you were saying you're the president of the community
Right
I'd like to convey to you our discontentment
and invite you to move your business to a more suitable location than this one
Listen, I understand that on the face of it, this business might seem a little...
unpleasant. But I can assure you that you won't have any problems
We're a multinational company with over 200 facilities all over the world
and all the necessary permits to provide a full service to the deceased
No, I have no doubt that you're highly qualified
- Whoa! - What are you playing at?
Sorry, you were leaning forward and I thought you were going to fall over
In addition, you should know that as neighbours
we'll give you a 20 % discount on all our products and services
Ah! Well, thank you
You can convey to your neighbours that we're going to get along spendidly
and that I hope it'll be for many years to come
Right, they're all gonna be thrilled!
I don't know how much longer I can take this
I'm like the kid from the Sixth Sense, seeing dead bodies all day
Do you know what your problem is?
Deep down you're morbid and you love to look
Do what I do, when you walk past, don't look!
That's what's so depressing. Don't you realise
that all society is based on the denial of death?
Interesting thought...I'm going running
We live our lives believing we're not gonna die
Yeah, because that tends to help. Look, do this one thing for me
Have a chocolate ice cream, take a tranquiliser pill, and you'll feel better
But it's really upsetting. Just imagine something happens to you, for example
But why's something gonna happen to me?
Well because it COULD happen at any time
You go out running, trip over your shoelace
bang your head against a lamppost. Wallop! It's all over! And what am I supposed to do?
Look, if what you want is for us to register as common law partners
let me tell you there are much more romantic ways of asking me
No, it's because I love you so much
I love you so much, ok? And I don't tell you enough. Be careful please
Ok relax, I'll do up my laces and dodge lampposts
Be really careful, ok?
- Yeah! - But all the time, ok?
Hey, have you seen that birthmark?
What birthmark?
I think it's changed colour, we should go to the doctor's
Oh God!
And I'm gonna give you a high-vis raincoat. Nobody can see you in that
This evening neighbours' meeting at the usual place. Please bring refreshments.
Shit Belén, how classy!
Hey, you haven't got a date, have you?
No! I've got a job interview, you moron!
You never got dressed up like this for me
Belén, can we get back together? I'm so lonely
Aw! I feel so bad for you!
Hey, I broke up with you! So surely we can start dating again if I want to
What! I'm not a taxi!
You can't jump in and out whenever you feel like it
- Frigid is what you are! - Well, you're an idiot!
See? We've fixed things now. When do you wanna get together?
Belén!
Hello
Hello...er I've come about the ad for a receptionist but I think...
Yes, come in and take a seat please
You're lucky because you're the first. Come in
- Here? - Yes
How are you?
A bit nervous
Don't worry
Let's see then, do you have any experience in the field of funeral parlours?
Well I work in a burger bar so I'm used to handling flesh past its best
Sorry
No, I get it
That's great, a sense of humour is really good in this line of work
We try to lighten the atmosphere too as much as possible
Oh, I'm great at that
It's how I cope with all my problems in life
Anyway, working in a funeral parlour isn't easy
Does it upset you to see a corpse?
Well, same as anyone else
I mean, I've never had the pleasure
No, not the pleasure. I mean the opportunity
Right, look, learn these phrases
They're useful for comforting relatives, you know
Ok...but are you hiring me then?
Yes, the position's yours. You can start tomorrow
So will I have to sell flowers and coffins then?
No, not exactly. We provide a more complete, American-style service
which includes transportation, embalming,
haircutting, make-up, cremation, burial
Look, I'll show you our facilities
actually, we're in the middle of embalming one of our...clients
Come in, it's through here
Look, what about the salary?
Sir?
Hello?
They're here
I'm not gonna like him. I know I'm not gonna like him!
Let's give him a chance, sweetheart. He might be a nice boy
He's sleeping with our daughter
You're right. I'm not gonna like him either
Hello, I'm Álvaro
Yes, come in, we were expecting you
Hasn't your son come?
Sorry?
No it's fine, this way way we can talk amongst ourselves and be completely honest
Listen, the thing is we genuinely think that our kids
are too young to be...to be...you take my meaning, don't you?
Yes, but I think there's been some kind of mistake here
because I haven't got a son
Sorry?
I'm Natalia's boyfriend
Sorry?
We've been dating for 2 weeks now
But...when is your son coming round then?
It's him, he's the one dating Natalia
Ah...right
Get out of here, you paedophile!
Cradle snatcher!
Find someone your own age! They all get plastic surgery!
But if you'd just let me explain...
Fuck, what a drag
We need to take that girl to see a shrink
But an NHS one because the other kind cost a fortune
Isn't Álvaro here yet? He told me he was parking
Natalia, there's something wrong with you!
Take away that man's hair and you get your father!
Dad, where's Álvaro?
On his way home, which is where he ought to be
And be grateful we haven't reported him
I'll tell him to come up right now so you can apologise
Hey, Natalia
Álvaro!
Look, from now on, I strictly forbid you to...
Fuck! Is that his car?
Álvaro! See now why I never introduce anyone to you two!
That car costs a fortune
15 million pesetas just in metallic paint
Sweetheart, what does that man do for a living?
He owns art galleries
He just opened one in New York
and his father's got vineyards in La Rioja
Wow Juan, like Angela Channing
Look, if you've messed up my relationship, I'll never forgive you for the rest of my life!
Natalia! Hey!
Ok, well she's angry now, but in time she'll thank us for it, you'll see
Juan, we can't fight against love. You can see they love each other
What?
Don't you worry about a thing! I'll take care of this
Alicia!
They hired me
Really? Cool, I'll drop by and maybe you can do me some streaks for free
Yeah, the only thing is you'll have to get knocked down by a bus first
What? Why?
Because it's a funeral parlour, you idiot!
No! God, why did you take the job then?
Because they pay 1,500 euros
Anyway, what's wrong with working in a funeral parlour?
Well, it's not exactly what you dream of doing as a child
Hey, I might meet a hot widower
And his wife won't say anything to you
Well, let's see how it goes tomorrow
Oh my God
Isn't working in the same company great, babe?
Now we're gonna be able to spend more time together
Yeah
But why didn't you tell me you were gonna be my boss?
What's the big deal?
Well I don't like it. It's awkward
Everyone knows I'm your boyfriend and they look at me like I'm the boss's favourite
Well that's what you are
What about you then?
I've been working there for 4 years and I've got a Master's in Business Management
Sure, you forget to mention you're the boss's daughter on your CV
Look, what is that bothers you?
Working with me or having a woman for a boss?
God! Now she's going feminist on me
Listen Lucía, I'm not showering you in praise cos you've got the cushiest job
I could do it with my eyes shut
Is that so?
It's just that I'm an artist
I've never liked business
Ok fine, well I'll be happy to let you have my position
I'll take a couple of weeks off which I could really do with
Ok, call your dad
Right now
Hey, what is it you have to do exactly?
Tomorrow my secretary will bring you up to speed
Sweet! I'm gonna have my own secretary
She's 57 years old
Ok...is she hot, though?
I said nothing can be done and that's all there is to it
The funeral parlour is a perfectly legal business
and we're going to have to learn to live with it
But why couldn't they have opened a sweet factory?
Furthermore, it's not all bad news
After some tough negotiations, I managed to secure all residents
a special 20 % discount on all the funeral parlour's products and services
Ah well that's great!
And what do I want a discount on that for?
She's right. Because when I snuff it, I won't have to pay anything
Fuck, look at these prices! It costs you an arm and a leg just to die!
Well why not look on the bright side?
That's true, there are some very pretty widows
Yeah, and it's really gonna raise the prices of the flats on the lower floors
No! I mean this will help us realise that life's short
we need to be happy and all get along better together
Oh God! The snob's gone hippy on us!
Paloma, one of these days, you and me are gonna have a problem
I'LL be the one giving YOU the problems!
You don't say! What are you gonna do to me? Let's see!
Come on, let's not get things out of proportion!
over an issue that's not all that important
Fernando's right, please
Anyway, it would have been much worse if they'd opened a bar or a disco
At least this is a business that's quiet
In fact, I can't think of a quieter business
That's for sure, we're not gonna have any noise
Look, here comes another one! This must be the worst time of day
Come on, come inside now
Can't you stop yourself from looking or what?
Hey, how long's it been since we had a check-up?
How do I know?
Well I'm gonna phone and make an appointment, that's what we've got health insurance for
and we'll get blood tests, heart tests, chest x-rays...everything
Alright but calm down, ok?
Because you don't seem yourself with this business of the funeral parlour
Not myself! Come here please
Stand here next to me but take your shoes off first
Fernando, take your shoes off and stand here next to me, please!
Fine!
Come here
Shit, that burns!
It's the cremation oven from downstairs. What are we gonna do?
Well look to begin with, I'll switch off the heating
and that way we can save ourselves a few quid
Seriously, your optimisim disgusts me!
Lucía! The alarm, come on, time for work!
It's your alarm
Yeah
I'm going but I need to pee first
Alright honey
I'm gonna stay in bed
Suit yourself. I'm gonna make the most of the day
Shit! It's still the middle of the night out there
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Flowers, flowers! Flowers for your dearly departed!
Carnations! Daisies! General flowers!
Hey, don't buy them in there, they'll rip you off
I don't know anyone who's died!
Shit well get some for your wife then, you're neglecting her!
Flowers! Flowers!
Some flowers sir?
Emilio! What do you think you're doing?
Just making a few quid
You said in the meeting that we had to get used to living with the funeral parlour here
So I'm getting used to it
You can't sell in the street, Emilio, it's strictly forbidden
Stop for goodness sake!
Right, like parking in the disabled spaces and look where you've left your car
Huh?
No, I was just saying, have a great day at school, Señor Juan
Ah
See you later
We're dust in the wind. It's always the best ones that have to leave us
Just think that now they're in a better place
I'd almost rather "hamburger, medium fries and soda!"
What the hell, Belén! Who are you dressed up as?
It's my new uniform
But anyone would think you work here in the funeral parlour...
No shit! Are you working here?
Have you got a problem with that?
No, no way! This way I know you're not getting it on with any of the customers
Flowers, flowers for your dearly departed!
Kids, don't you want any flowers for your dead?
Be brave Señora Navarro! We have to stay strong!
I can't! I can't!
Hello
Belén, this lady's just lost her husband
Attend to her please
How are you holding up?
Don't worry! Life goes on!
Just think that now he's in a better place
Ok, sit down, sit down
I'll show you some really nice coffins
Look at this one, how lovely with the crosses!
You don't like it
What are you playing at? That's Natalia's bag!
Quiet! Listen Jose Miguel, How do you unlock this?
Green button and star
Green button and star
Hang on, what are you gonna do?
Quiet!
Álvaro! This is it!
Álvaro? No, it's not Natalia, it's Paloma, her mum
Yeah, listen, we're all a little upset here about what happened yesterday
No, it's just that my husband is a bit old-fashioned
but he really liked you
Like hell he did
Well the thing is, Natalia thought you could come round for dinner tonight
Yes, well to get to know us a little better. That's right
No, don't bring anything
You don't need to. No!
Well ok then, bring some prawns
- Oh God! - Yes, tonight
At 9 o'clock. Great
Well, we'll see you later then. Bye
I thought Natalia was going to Marta's birthday party tonight
Quiet! How do you lock this?
Star!
Right then, put this bag in your sister's bed before she gets out of the shower
Go on! Quick, run!
- But you're the one who took it! - Don't answer back!
I'm gonna make myself a coffee
The "Life to Come Funeral Parlour", Belén speaking, how can I help you?
Oh my love, I'm so sad!
My Agustín's gone and left me!
Madam, please accept my condolences
Please accept what, my love?
No, I mean I'm very sorry for your loss
Just think that now he's in a better place
But now I'm all on my own! All on my own!
Well actually, not yet, because he'll be here until they take him away
Madam, you have to be strong
But I can't carry weight, my love
No, don't carry anything
Leave him where he is and we'll come and get him
Oh, and what do I need to do now then? Look at one of those coffins?
Yes! Actually, we've got a wide range of products...
No my love, give me the cheapest one please
How much is the cheapest one?
Well, for the cheapest one you're looking at paying around...
600 euros. Yes, 600
Oh God! And that's the cheapest! The bastards!
Well er...the thing is...it's very good quality
Oh, it's such bad luck!
because I've just bought a new fridge and I threw away the box
Well Madam, I think that...
it's worth making a small sacrifice in these difficult times
But I can't spend all that money just to bury him!
Well, I'd say the situation warrants it, don't you think?
Emilio, I'm busy, wait outside for a second
I believe your husband was a good person and deserves this and much more besides
Come off it! He cheated on my with my sister and she was uglier than me
You asshole!
Ok, well I'll call back another time, my love, ok, bye now
Belén, don't be angry, I just wanted you to get some practice in
Get out of here!
- You look so pretty in that uniform - Get out of here!
Go shove your stupid jokes up your ass!
My love, you can't throw a living person out of the funeral parlour!
What the hell is this?
Vicenta! Your food's burning!
No, it's not me! It's coming from the funeral parlour. They must be cooking something
No, it's the cremation oven, you idiot!
Ew, gross! And me with got my washing out!
They don't have enough clients and wanna kill us all!
It's a horrible black smoke that's coming from your window and going everywhere
It's not our fault
According to the engineer, it's due to an obstruction in the building's ventilation ducts
And that's the responsibility of the community
so fix it or we'll be forced to take legal action
Oh, so to cap it all off, you're going to report us!
This is how we make a living and cremation is very popular at the moment
Sorry
What do they put them in the oven for when they say the microwave is quicker?
But look here, Juan, we run the community
and if these people won't take the hint and leave of their own accord, we'll have to make them leave!
What do you mean?
What's the worst thing that could happen to a funeral parlour?
For them to ban smoking
No, they could lose a body
Paloma, sweetheart, you're not suggesting we steal a body, are you?
What a good idea, Juan. Tonight you can arrange everything, darling
Señor Cuesta, I can see holes in this plan
We should have opened the boutique!
Sure, I told you so
Mum, I love you lots
No, I love you lots and I don't tell you it enough
No, don't put me on to dad!
Ok, take care...oh, and switch off the gas!
Mauri, what's this?
Check it out! A treadmill so you can run here in the flat
Look, it's got loads of different settings, uphill, downhill
heart rate, calory count, and a bottle holder slot
I don't wanna seem ungrateful but I like running out in the street
But don't you see that in the street you could get knocked down by a car,
attacked or raped?
Go on, at least give it a try
- Let's see - Look!
It's switched on now, isn't it great?
Yeah, it's really good but...
Right and this way if you have a heart attack, I can take care of you
Oh and talking of heart attacks, put this on
What is it?
The best invention there is, I had a hard time getting hold of it
Look, if you feel sick, just press this button and an ambulance will come get you
Just like that, without fees, paperwork, or anything
I can't wear this! It's for old people who live by themselves!
Well mobile phones used to be for rich businessmen and now everyone's got one
Ok, well alright but switch it off...I don't feel like using it right now
- Ok - No, that increases the speed, stop it!
Hang on, it'll be this button then
I'm gonna slip!
Well jump off then
Are you alright? If you don't feel well, press the button
I don't know why we have to have dinner with him
I have a really strong aversion for that man
That boy! Álvaro's not that old
When I think of him with our daughter, it makes me sick
- Hello, come in! - Alright there
Wow, prawns! I'll have to freeze some for New Year's Eve
And a bottle of wine from the reserves of 1982
How lovely! Come in and sit down!
Make yourself at home, ok?
Thank you
- Hi - Hi
This is Jose Miguel, our youngest
- What's up man? - Alright there
Where's Natalia?
She's gone to a birthday party but she told me to eat without her
She should be along later
Juan, open the wine, it needs to breath
Well then Álvaro, tell us how you met Natalia
Well, she's one of my daughter's classmates
Oh so you've got a daughter? Keep an eye on her
You never know who could be trying to bang her
Listen, you're not married, are you?
No, divorced
My wife and I grew apart over time and...
Sure, when they turn 20, they lose their appeal, don't they?
Juan, eat your soup, it's getting cold
Look, I understand that the age difference with Natalia might be an obstacle
At the end of the day, I'm 38...
38! But you're just a boy!
Besides, that means you're the same age as me
The important thing is that you love each other
So it was your idea for her to go on the pill, was it?
Of course, it's not the same if you wear a condom
Juan!
Dad, your soup!
I'm home!
How are you?
On top of the world, honey
How's my project manager doing?
Great, yeah really great actually
because...no, it's bloody shit!
I can't take any more of this crap!
All those meetings are killing me. And we've had some of our building work stopped
because they've found Roman ruins in the garage
But why did the surveyor have to say anything?
Just lay the cement and keep your mouth shut, dammit!
Tomorrow that guy can kiss goodbye to his job
Why the hell were those ancient civilizations so obsessed with burying everything!
And then some clients are complaining cos they've found some cracks in a wall!
Just put some pictures up like everyone else, for fuck's sake!
As if that wasn't enough, I realised that this suit's given me dandruff
Well I went shopping with Alicia
I got a massage and I ate at an amazing Arab restaurant with my sister Elisabeth
See? Now they're on at me again!
Hello?
No...I don't know
Alright then, well send me a fax
Oh no, I don't have a fax machine
Oh well, never mind!
You know what? I'm switching this off because I can't carry on otherwise
But who the hell gave them our home phone number?
Erm I did, in case of emergency
Get off my back, for fuck's sake! No, damn it!
Who was that?
My mum
I can't carry on like this, Lucía, I just can't
I've got chest pain, I'm gonna have a heart attack
That's indigestion. Where did you have lunch?
I didn't! I didn't have time!
Look Lucía, I take it back, you win
You're better at this job than me, you've got a natural talent for it
No, I'm not going back
Oh right, so tomorrow...
What?
Roberto, today I felt so happy
Can you believe I left my phone at home and didn't miss it?
Sure, you screwed us over, that's why they've all been calling me
Have you seen the funeral parlour they've opened downstairs?
Yeah, that's where I'm headed at the moment
Well I've been thinking and...
I've realised that life's short and we need to enjoy it
I've spent my whole life doing what people say we're supposed to do
I'm about to turn 30 and...well, I'm not sure about what I want
And couldn't you have thought about this at another time?
So as I've got a bit of money put by, I'm gonna take a few months off
Hold on, hold on! What am I supposed to do then?
Well, what you're doing at the moment
Besides, my dad's happy with you
No, no, no! Look Lucía...tomorrow you're going back to work
No! I'm off to Istanbul for a week
- To Istanbul? - Yeah
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me!
And also, tonight we're gonna go out for a drink
because we never go out anywhere
Look Álvaro, now that we know one so well and you're like family
I'm going to tell you something
Natalia might be taking the pill
but with the memory she's got, one of these days you're gonna get her pregnant
I don't think...
No, it's fine. "The important thing is that you love each other"
And while we're on the subject, as your family have masses of money
and I know you need to find ways of laundering it
I've got 3 words to say to you: Paloma Urban Fashion
You provide the money and I'll provide the expertise
We'll start with 3 shops, one here, one in Marbella, and another one in Benidorm
and we'll hit the big time!
Right well, that's all very interesting
but tomorrow I've got an early start tomorrow and...
Wait a second, I'll show you some sketches I've made
Listen, I think your wife's got the wrong idea about...
So you like my daughter's breasts, do you?
Right well, I think I'd better be going
No, wait, I've got three 3 words to say to you too
YOU'RE A BASTARD!
- Dad, your soup! - I don't want any more soup!
It's been a pleasure, really
Wait, where are you going?
Thanks very much
You're welcome any time, you know where we are now
Señor Cuesta, the funeral parlour's about to close and you need to go rob the dead body
Fucking hell!
Who's that?
But why's he going? What did you say to him?
You're gonna get it from Natalia when she comes home, I don't want anything to do with it
Me neither
Emilio, let's get down to work!
A boutique and a house, even if it's semi-detached
Is that too much to ask for from life or what?
When I get a girlfriend, there's no fucking way I'm bringing her here
Emilio, you've got a copy of the key, right?
Yeah, they haven't changed the lock
I used this key to nick films from the video store
The only thing is I haven't got a video player
Right, are we sure about what we're gonna do?
Look, I'll do whatever it takes to stop my mum banging on at me about the funeral parlour
Well I'm the caretaker and for any work outside the building, I charge extra
You'll do as you're told!
Ok, that's cleared that up then
Get ready, she's coming out
Emilio, let this be the last time I catch you taking the shampoo samples from the magazines they leave in the letterboxes!
Sorry, I couldn't resist because it was 2 in 1 with shampoo and conditioner
It's a disgrace!
Evening Belén
Evening
Come on, let's go
We need to make this quick because I've got a date
This is the plan: you 2 go in and get a body
while I keep watch by the door
Right, and how are you gonna let us know if someone comes?
3 fast knocks means someone's coming. 2 fast knocks and 1 slow one means someone's coming but they're walking right by
2 slow ones and 1 fast one and 2 more slow ones means the area's clear
I didn't get a word of that
Never mind. Let's go in! If someone comes, whistle
I can't whistle! That's why I wanted to knock!
Here comes Miss Rottenmeier
How were things at the office? Was there a good atmosphere?
Well for your information, I love my job
It's the first time I've ever felt like I'm helping other people
But they're dead
Their relatives I mean!
I comfort and console them, and I'm not bad at it either!
I'm a good psychologist
Today my boss did this to me
And?
All I ever got from the burger bar supervisor in the 2 months I worked there was
I'm so happy that I'm gonna make up with Emilio
Oh, are you still seeing him?
No, we broke up
So you were dating then?
No because he dumped me
He dumped you? Emilio dumped you!
No, you're twisting my words
Emilio dumped you! You can't fall any lower than that!
Shit, and I was having such a nice day till now!
No way! I can't believe it!
Quick, quick!
Fuck, this guy weighs a ton!
Where are we gonna leave him?
Where do you think? In Emilio's flat!
What! Come on, show a bit of respect!
Nobody will see it there
What about me?
There
Fuck!
Ok...it'll do just fine here
Yeah, and what I am supposed to do now? Put the TV on for him for a while?
Come on, just think that you're doing something good for the community
Tomorrow those people will get reported and goodbye funeral parlour!
Some night I've got to look forward to with my cuz over here!
Seriously, what a shitshow
Emilio!
What's up?
Can we talk?
Sure, what's up?
Right, now everything's straightened out
Let's go inside because I'm really happy to see you
No! Wait, don't you think we're rushing things?
What! But you've been begging me to take you back for over a week now!
Ok, alright then, let's go the cinema to celebrate it!
- No! - Come on, Belén!
No! First things first!
Afterwards we can go wherever you want
Belén, you can't come in
But why not?
Erm...well because I've got another woman in there
Come off it, Emilio!
Belén, no! No!
What's this?
Erm...they're my skis
Didn't I tell you I'm off for a week's skiing?
That's Mr Navarro!
Don't tell me you've stolen a body from the funeral parlour!
No, it wasn't me, I'm just a servant
It was Senor Cuesta's idea
We need to get this out of here right now
Oh my God! I'm gonna end up on the dole and you're gonna go to jail!
Fuck, some family we're gonna form then
Look Belén, I reckon maybe it's best if we break up again then, don't you?
Cover him up, do up the zip!
Oh my God!
Hey, where shall we leave him?
Where he was before, where do you think!
Someone's coming!
In the bin, in the bin!
In the green one!
Quick, quick!
- Hello love birds! - Hi
Do you wanna go for a drink?
No thanks, we're dog tired
Right, you look it
Right then! Life's too short, enjoy yourselves while you can
Tell that to him
God that was close
Evening
Hey, where do you think you're going?
To throw out the trash...hey, what's this?
I don't know, you wouldn't believe the things these people throw out
Let's see!
What's the matter with? Have you lost your minds?
What on earth possessed you to steal a dead body?
It was so they'd report the funeral parlour and shut it down
Ah, right, great, and what were you planning on doing with the body afterwards?
Every plan has its weakness
Well I'd rather not know anything about that weakness
You're all gonna end up in jail
Besides, didn't you stop to think that the one time I've got a job I like
thanks to you I could lose it?
I don't care about that! But going to jail does worry me
And didn't you think about the poor man's family either?
Think how badly they must be suffering
You should be ashamed of playing hide and seek with his body!
Well, it does sound nasty if you put it like that
Nah! He's a lawyer and knows how to twist everything!
Look, it's true what we did wasn't right
maybe we were a little bit hasty
A LITLE BIT!
Let's put the body back while we still can
or we're gonna get in a lot of trouble
Let's go!
Where did you leave it?
Here, in the bin
In the bin?
Damn it! The rubbish lorry's been past!
What are you talking about?
The body's not here, they've taken him
But how come they didn't realise?
The bins are emptied automatically! The binmen don't even notice what's in them!
Oh God!
Well then, we'll just have to get the body back
What, to make meatballs? There's a shredder on those lorries
See Juan! We should have opened the boutique!
What are we gonna do then?
I don't want any trouble, I'm gonna turn myself in
You stay where you are!
Well, tomorrow that man's family are coming for the wake
Can you tell me what the hell I'm gonna show them?
Nothing, you need to persuade them to cremate
and if they wanna see him, then show them an urn
And if you need ashes, you know who to ask
Oh God!
Yes, 1 metre 82 tall, stubble
dark-skinned, VERY handsome, something must have happened to him
Oh, he's here now! He's back!
Thanks so much officer, sorry
Where on earth have you been?
What did you call the police for?
Well if you tell me you're taking out the trash and it takes you 43 minutes
obviously something's happened to you or else you're cheating on me
and in either case, we're gonna need the police
Mauri, we can't go on like this
You can't spend all day thinking something bad's gonna happen
I know but I can't help it
Fernando, we're like a steak which has been taken out of the fridge
It's our fate to go off
Ok, relax, it's that funeral parlour downstairs that's brought this on
so it's fine because they're gonna go away soon
How do you know that?
I just know!
The neighbours have gone on the war path and stolen a dead body
And what have they done with it?
Well, to cut a long story short, the rubbish lory's taken it away
Don't ask!
Hey, if something happens to me, I'd rather be cremated, ok?
Don't worry, that's not gonna happen for a long, long time
You really need to get that birth mark looked at
Mum! Dad!
She's found out about it now, I'm going to the bathroom
You stay where you are! Don't move a muscle!
Álvaro just called and broke up with me! Are you gonna tell me what happened?
Sweetheart, we couldn't have been nicer to him
Sure, that's why dad called him a bastard
and you asked him to open 3 shops for you
It wasn't like that, tell her how it happened, Juan
I was eating soup
Anyway, who are you gonna believe, a stranger or your parents?
Do I need to answer that?
Natalia, that old man wasn't right for you
But why should you get to decide what's right for me?
Because I'm your mother, end of story!
And while you live under this roof, you'll do as you're told
And when it's explained like that, everything becomes perfectly clear
It's clear to me
Right, well that's not gonna be a problem anymore because I'm leaving this house
Natalia, there's no need to...
Leave her be Juan! Leave her be, she's lying
What better place is there for her than with her parents?
Oh look at this design, we could copy this one
because it was made by an Italian and they'll never realise
Lucía, the alarm
Yeah honey, I heard it
I'm not planning on going to work
Me neither
Ok, I hope you can live with your conscience
I hope YOU can live with YOURS
Fucking hell!
This takes the piss, seriously
Well don't go then! Don't go!
Let's catch a flight and head to Istanbul!
Here we go again about Istanbul! Lucía, we've got responsbilities
we're not teenagers anymore
You sound so old, you know that
That tie's gone to your head if you ask me
It's time we grew up, we're getting married soon, dammit!
Honey, about the marriage, let's not rush things!
Ok babe? No pressure
Hang on, hang on, hang on!
I've already told everyone
My mum's already on a diet, my aunt's knitting herself a dress
and my gran's so happy she's given up her walking stick
If I tell her the wedding's off, she'll get it back out and beat my head in with it
Relax babe!
The important thing is to be happy, sweetheart
What? Look...I'm going because I'm gonna be late
But later you and me need to have a serious talk
Ok
Hello?
Yeah, I'm on my way, dammit!
Well tell the city councillor to have a coffee while he's waiting
Where the hell have you been! The widow's about to arrive
It was her, she spent an hour in the bathroom
Eduardo, can you come out here for a second, please?
You need to distract him for a good while, ok?
Yeah, yeah, don't worry
We're pensioners, distracting people is what we're best at
Well?
These ladies insisted on dealing with you personally
Of course. How can I help you?
Well look, as we've reached a certain age, we wanted to find out a bit more about how this works
Ok, if you'd be so good as to take a seat, I'll...
No, we want to see the facilities, especially where you do the embalming
I'm very fussy about my make-up you see
And how hot is the cremation oven?
- Around 1300 degrees - Right, the cakes must rise in there straight away
What a lovely smile he's got! It's hard to believe he works here
Ladies, ladies!
I'll stay here
Belén! The widow's here now
Give me a catalogue!
Are you gonna stay here?
Yeah, I'll help you to persuade her, I'll pretend to be a customer
No! Get out! Beat it!
Good morning, we're here now
How are you holding up Madam?
Not very well at all
This is my sister and my daughter
Pleased to meet you
- Is the wake ready now? - Yes it is
Can we see my husband?
Of course, but take a seat just for a second
while they finish preparing the body, laying the flowers, and so on
Have you considered the advantages of cremating?
No, to be honest, it's not something we'd be keen to do
We're very traditional about these things
Well it's the cleanest, greenest and cheapest option
Right, I'll be with you in a minute sir
Actually, I've cremated all my family
and with the money I saved on burial plots, I travelled to Disney Land
Sir, would you let me do my job please?
Ah sorry, sorry Madam. My deepest condolences
No, don't get upset!
Look, we've always favoured a proper, traditional burial
but with land prices the way they are...
Excuse me madam, what football team did your husband support?
Madrid. Why?
Because there's an urn here that's a carbon copy of the Champions League cup
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave
Sorry, sorry, my deepest condolences once again Madam
Don't cry lady! Look at the lovely Champions League cup
Look, you've had a day off work and it did you good
What's the problem?
It's just that I feel culpable, it's as if I'd skipped class
What's wrong with skipping class?
No, nothing
You need to learn how to have a good time, girl
At first when you came here, I couldn't stand you
Me? Why?
So perfect, hardworking, responsible
with your own flat, your boyfriend...I could have killed you
Oh pardon me Miss!
But I can see hope for you yet
Is that so?
You take it from me, you're talking to a real leisure expert here
You mustn't feel guilty. Having fun is much harder than working
- And it pays worse as well - That's true!
You wanna go to Istanbul, right?
Well talk to Roberto and the 2 of you can go together
I already told him about it but he won't come. He's become a workaholic
Well go by yourself then!
What! I can't go to Istanbul on my own!
Or better still, take me
Oh Alicia, I don't know...anyway, you need to plan trips, choose the right hotel...
No! That's a mistake! A real leisure expert doesn't plan, they act
They throw a couple of old rags in a bag and hit the airport!
Really?
- I don't know! What shall I do? - Go!
Oh Juan, what's the news?
Nothing, there's no news! This scandal's gonna cost me the presidency, Paloma
Juan, do you mind telling me what the hell the body was doing in the bin?
Shush, what a mess! The rubbish lorry took it away
No! I took it
You! What for?
To stop the rubbish lorry taking it
I hid it in Emilio's wardrobe
Quick! We need to put it back before the widow shows up
Come on!
No, after you. Poor Emilio!
Sorry but please don't insist anymore
My husband's last wish was to be buried in his village
And for us that's sacred
Very well, but I should warn you that with the transportation, 10 year rent of the burial spot
coffin, flowers, death certificate and maintenance
we're looking at around 5,500 euros
Although I think at one time he did also mention being cremated, didn't he?
Very well
Cremate Mr Navarro please
Hold on, we wanted to see him first
Oh, but you needed to tell me that before
This is all completely automatic and is a matter of seconds
You don't say
Look, he's just arrived through the urn elevator
Here's your husband
Don't touch him yet because he might burn
But it's physically impossible for...
Good morning! We've brought Mr Navarro
Sorry?
Look, let's get things straight, where were you keeping my husband?
On the second floor, in the hairdressing department. This is a very large company
So in that case who's this that you've brought me?
This is...a gentleman who nobody came to collect and we were holding here as a sample
Belén...what's going on?
That's just what I'd like to know. This is a disgrace!
I'm going to report you all
Wait madam please, I'm sure there must be an explanation for this
I hope so because you're going to have to give it to the police right now
Belén, why...what are the neighbours doing here?
Belén, what's going on here!
Well, we'll leave it here and let you take care of it
Listen for a second! Speak one at a time please or we won't understand anything
Right, what seems to be the problem?
This place is a disgrace!
Excuse me madam but I can assure that this is a very respectable company
which naturally will not be staying in this property a single day longer!
The only disgraceful thing here is the effrontery of these people
who had the nerve to steal a body from my establishment
for who knows what end
Fuck, he talks the talk!
You can see he went to uni
Look Constable, they lost the body and we just found it and took it back
Our CCTV will prove that to be a lie!
What? Have they got CCTV?
Right, well I'm off because I've got a date
He's lying, Señor Juan. What would they have CCTV in there for?
In case a dead guy gets away?
And if the footage isn't conclusive, we'll still always have the testimony of our employee, Belén
No, Belen's our neighbour. She won't testify against us
If I can keep my job, I'll say whatever you want me to
I want to report this company immediately
And I want to report this community for theft and contempt
And who do we report?
Right, come to the police station with us please. You too
Oh, not you again, Juan!
Señor Cuesta, you spend more time in prison than at home
I reiterate my innocence and I have complete faith in our legal system
which defends the rights of law-abiding citizens like myself
And I say that without any bitterness but I nonetheless affirm it to be true
He's not gonna shut up now till we get there
I'll take the car and drive straight there
No! Don't move it, it's in a good parking spot
Don't worry Paloma, he'll be right back. They've got him on their records
No, I'm going to the police station, I'm not leaving him there alone
Hey Belén, what you said last night about wanting to get back together with me...
Forget me! Ok?
Ok, I'll forget you, but shall we meet in my flat later?
This maths teacher look really turns me on!
Emilio, you're such a drag
Come on, love knows no bounds, can't you feel it in the air?
Belén, say something to me!
Belén!
What a day! What a mess!
Well, the important thing is that the funeral parlour's closing
But why did that judge have it in for me like that?
600 euro fine for unlawful appropriation
What would I want with a dead body!
Don't worry, the community will pay for it. We'll send them the bill and problem solved
Hey, Natalia gave me a message for you
What?
And she said she's left home
What? Where's she gone?
She's with those 2 whores upstairs. You need to pay me rent!
Natalia! Natalia, open up!
Oh, sorry. Natalia asks me to inform you that she's not under your roof any longer and to leave her alone
Well tell her the roof's the same because she hasn't changed buildings
Right. Natalia, now I'm not speaking to you as your father but as the president of the community
You have 5 seconds to come out
1, 2, 3
4, 5
6, 7
8, 9
Calm down, man, calm down. Look, what happened?
10, 11
What do you mean they've stolen a table from the apartment on display?
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,000
Yeah obviously! You need to keep an eye on the customers for fuck's sake!
Yeah...no, hang on a second, I'll call you back, I've got a call on the other line
Shit!
Hello?
Hi honey!
Lucía?
Yeah
What are you doing? Where are you?
In Istanbul babe
What?
I left you a note on the fridge
Oh right
But it says here: "Gone out for a minute"
Yeah, I felt the calling so I up and came, sweetheart
Hey, hang on a sec
No, listen VERY EXPENSIVE, VERY EXPENSIVE!
Honey, I'm buying a rug
Really? What colour?
Hold on, why do I care what colour it is? Lucía, have you lost your mind?
I'll be back next week, I've already got you a present
What the hell Lucía!
Honey, I've gotta hang up cos they're taking us to see the Blue Mosque
Hey! Watch out for those tour guides, I've seen "The Turkish Passion"
And that lot are really free with their hands
I love you babe! God I'm happy!
What?
"God I'm happy" And what about me? Sod me
Rafael, what a surprise!
What have you done to my daughter?
Sorry?
She just called me to say she's not coming back to the company
and she's in Turkey. What the hell is there in Turkey?
Turks? How do I know?
Look, you haven't got her mixed up in drugs, have you?
Come on! Of course not, Rafael!
Do the two of you smoke joints? I'm your father-in-law so you can tell me
I'll kill you afterwards but you can still tell me all the same
No! She told me she doesn't know what she wants
Well that's obvious, why else would she be dating you?
Hey, it's your fault for exploiting her in that hell you call an office
No, it's your fault because you're a loser and you've passed it on to her!
Hang on, I thought you were really happy with me
Happy! But you're completely useless!
Shout why don't you cos they didn't hear that downstairs
No, no, we did hear it
Roberto, thanks to you, I've lost my daughter
No! Thanks to you, I've lost my fiancée
Give me a hug
Sure
She'll come back, won't she?
I can't say
Roberto, I want you to know that for me my daughter's happiness is all that matters
and if she loves you, then I'll love you too
Oh, by the way, you're fired
Yay! Thanks so much!
521, 522, 523
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,000
Here, I made you a sandwich
Ah, thanks sweetheart
525, 526, 527...
Juan, I don't think she's gonna come out. Leave her
She'll soon realise what she's missing at home
I think she's realised by now
Oh, I don't remember what I wanted to tell you...
Oh yeah! I was thinking that now that the store downstairs is empty...
Yes Paloma! We'll open the boutique
"Urban fashion", babe, "urban fashion"
What is that? Because I keep hearing you say it but I have no idea what it even means
Well urban fashion, everything that I am
Modern, urban, talented, really stylish
I've made some drawings...