Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 10 - Érase un dilema - full transcript
Fuck it's cold in the mornings!
If I had arthritis, this'd be so bad for me
Hello
Hello Rebequita! Where are you going all by yourself?
To school
Isn't your dad taking you?
I told him I wanted to go by myself to start to become independent
But you can't go all on your own
What if a bad man attacks you?
I'll defend myself
But you're only 7, how are you gonna defend yourself?
Like this
Arrrgh! What is this stuff?
Arrrgh! Oh God!
Emilio, what are you playing at?
Armando's daughter sprayed one of those anti-rape things in my eyes
But what did you do to her?
Nothing. Arrgh I can't see! I'm gonna lie down for a while
This guy doesn't know what to invent as an excuse for not working anymore
He's been smoking funny fags, I'm telling you, Juan
What are you talking about?
I'm sure of it, I notice everything
You need to keep a closer eye on him
Where am I? What's this?
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down about my feet
The caretaker's nowhere to be found
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Mix in a cocktail shaker
thunder and lightning, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Come on, show a bit of respect, the President wants to say something
Doña Paloma, a bit of respect for your husband please
Thanks Emilio
Well, as you know the technician from the TBI is about to arrive
Who's the TBI?
His aunt who lives in the country! Shut your gob, will you!
TBI stands for Tecnical Building Inspections
and the idea is that our building appear to be in good condition
But it's not in good condition!
That's why I used the verb appear, dammit!
Leave it to me Juan, I'll speak to them in their language
Do you wanna pay a bill? No right
Well everyone get in position and cover up cracks then, end of discussion!
Come on!
Señor Juan, that bloke's coming now
Come on, quick!
Hello, good morning - Hello!
I'm the architect from the council and I've come to inspect the building
Of course! Go ahead, make yourself at home
- Thank you very much - and you too
- Hello - Hello, good morning
Hello Señorita Belén, I've been sent by Doña Concha
to fix the dishwasher
But we haven't got a dishwasher
Shush! Pretend, dammit!
Belén, I feel so lonely, I need a bit of love
Let's go to your room!
Are you dumb or what?
Come on quick because the gasman and the boilerman are coming this morning
What, do you think this is a brothel
and you can come here for a good time whenever you feel like it?
Listen Belén, we're wasting precious time
No Emilio! This is it for you and me
We're finished, get it through your head. WE'RE FINISHED!
It was good this time right?
Right, get out of here now before Alicia comes back
I know what your deal is now. When we fight, it turns you on
What the hell!
Yeah, you're into all that weird sadist shit
Look Emilio, this was a goodbye
The last one! Got that?
Sure, sure, the last one
Like the one before you mean
Hey, how about a fag?
Pay attention, the neighbours' meeting is about to start
Switch off your mobile phones and try and make your insults original
because it's always the same thing. Thank you
Right, before starting, I'll give the floor to Concha
so she call tell me to quit
Quit Señor Cuesta, quit!
Good...and now I have 2 pieces of news
Give us the good news first!
Both are bad
The council technician tipped me off on the phone
that he's going to issue an unfavourable report about the building
Well actually his exact words were it's falling apart
But can it be fixed?
Yes
The work will cost us 24 million old pesetas
How much! Oh but how much is that because I think in euros now
You call anything thinking!
But that's 4 million per flat, that's an outrage
And what'll happen if we don't get the work done?
We won't pass the inspection and they'll evict us
Can I say something?
Yes of course
That girl always looks so nice
Hey, why don't we bribe the inspector?
Yes, we've already considered that option
but we rejected it
Sure, because it's illegal
Well because of that and because we've got no money
I'll sleep with him if you like
Emilio, don't put that on record!
No, I won't be putting anything else down either because I left the book at home
Well Juan, what are we gonna do? Because we're not paying 4 million!
Relax, there's another option
I'm going to introduce you to a gentleman who got in touch with me
and has a proposal to make to all of us
Augusto, how are you?
- Good morning - Good morning
My name is Augusto Carvajal and I'm a property developer
I bet you were born in August, weren't you Augusto?
Please!
I had to say it!
I'll be brief
I'm prepared to offer 30 million pesetas for each of the properties in this building
on just one condition
- I'll sell! - Me too!
Wait a second, let's let him finish
I intend to knock down the building in order to build an office block
As a result, either everybody sells or there's no deal
Hey, how much are you gonna pay me for my flat?
Nothing because it's part of a shared space
But I'll settle for 20 million!
That flat's not yours, Emilio!
Ok, 10 and that's my final offer
Very well, I'll expect to hear from you tomorrow
It seems like a very reasonable offer to me
considering the condition the building's in
so think about it
- Good day - Bye
I'll get at least 5 million out of him, you watch
Right well, the day of reflection starts now
Mauri, what do you think then? Should we sell or not?
30 million for this flat's a great deal
Let's sell then
But it'd be a shame to sell it because we've got it looking so nice
Ok, let's say no then
But then again, there's that bill for 4 million
Let's sell then!
And where are we gonna go because finding a flat's not that easy!
Mauri, what do you wanna do?
I don't know! Why do I have to be the one who decides?
Because if I decide, you'll blame me for it later
Sure I will if you didn't consult me!
Look, get some olives out please
Mum, why don't you ever consult me?
Son, we're selling both flats!
And for 60 million. Do you know anyone who's got that much money?
Yeah, Mum's boyfriend
Anyway, I'm gonna give you half of it!
Ah ok, in that case let's sell!
But what's gonna happen to Alicia and Belén?
Those 2 whores? Let them fend for themselves
Alicia, we're getting kicked out on the street!
They're gonna knock down all this to build offices
- Do you know what that means? - Yeah
we're completely screwed
No, it means I won't get to see Fernando again
I've got to do something
Yeah! Think about where we're gonna go
Hey, you could have given me a heart attack!
No, I'm the one who's gonna get the heart attack
Get this smoke outta here...what is this stuff?
You smoke and I don't say anything to you!
Anywhere Lucía, we haven't even been here for 3 months
Yeah but the thing is I've become fond of the flat
Well imagine how fond you'll become of a place with normal people
Ok, well if you look for a flat
I'll take care of it!
And organise everything for the move
We'll stay put
Anyway, this flat's really nice
We're leaving Juan, leaving!
and we'll buy a nice semi-detached house where you sister lives
But we're fine here!
The kids have got their friends and they can walk to school
Well they can get up earlier and get the bus
Or if not, you can buy me a scooter
- And me a car - Sure, a BMW
Plus, I like being president
And you can carry on being president but of a housing estate
Imagine it! Making decisions about the swimming pool, the green areas
the colour of the bins
That would be a challenge, no doubt about it
Of course honey, it'll be a leap forward in your career
We can't get stuck in a rut, we're young
We're young, dammit, let's go to Benidorm!
With 30k in our pockets, no German will be able to resist us
But this is our family home, we grew up here
Well let's grow here and shrink in Benidorm
that way, we can mix things up a bit
It's my house and I say we're not selling it!
Fuck, you're so lame, Vicenta!
It's not a joke man, they're gonna knock down the building
We're gonna have to go on the dole
No, you can't cos you haven't got a contract
What am I gonna do now? How am I gonna eat? Where am I gonna sleep?
Relax man, just find another job. What do you know how to do?
Me? Be a caretaker
Right, and apart from that?
Nothing
Nothing...nothing
Oh look, downstairs flat, 25 square metres
full of light, 700 euros
Let's call before someone else snaps it up
Belén, I know what I'm gonna do to win over Fernando now
Get a sex change
No, I'm gonna use the strategy that never fails
When you like a guy and he ignores you, pull his mate
So now you're gonna hook up with Mauri?
Sweetheart, that's kinda pathetic don't you think?
Men are jealous by nature
They're like animals, they mark their territory
Right, and they piss outside the toilet seat
but I don't see the connection
The mistake I made was to show him that I was into him
I bet if he sees he's losing me, he'll make a move
Look, I thought it was hard enough with Fernando
but if you manage to pull Mauri
I swear I'll pay you one year's rent
Deal
Actually, let's make that 3 months because you never know
You're stressing me out!
- Hello? - Augusto!
This is Juan Cuesta, President of the community
How are you? Are you going to sell me the building?
Yes, yes, everything's in progress
Excellent. Is everyone selling?
Well, strictly speaking there's a 3-way tie but it's looking promising
I'm very sorry but in that case there's no deal
No! Wait!
I'm sure we can still reach an agreement
I'll another an extra 5 million for each flat
- Son of a bitch! - Sorry?
No, we were just saying it's very generous of you
Look, I can't be wasting my time, this is my final offer
You've got 24 hours to make up your minds
Right...well I think...
35 million! 35 million for all of us!
Nobody can turn that down
- We're selling - Oh really?
Fernando, we already talked about it
Well I'm not selling
Me neither
BUT WHY NOT? WHY NOT?
Calm down Mum, breathe
Because I'm happy where I am, we just renovated and I don't want to go somewhere else
Come on, aren't you attached to your houses?
For 35 million, I'd sell the flat with her inside
Well I wouldn't! The flat's mine and that's that! Goodbye
See you
That's it! Screw the rest of us!
Well if they don't want to sell, they're within their rights
It's a shame, but I think you ought to call this man and say no
No, no, no! None of that! No-one's calling anyone!
We've still got 24 hours and those 2 are gonna sell!
I'll see to it that they sell
Emilio!
Shit, Dad!
I'll see you in a second, I'm gonna see if any of these losers buy a book from me
Dad, they're firing me, I'm gonna be out on the street
Why, what did you do, you idiot!
Nothing. They're selling the building and knocking it down to build offices
Don't worry, you can come and sell books with me
But I don't know anything about books!
Look you dummy, do you know what the classics are?
Virgil, Horace, Balsac, Lope de Vega, Calderón
Jose Hernández, Dante, Petrarch, Dickens, Dostoevsky, and Homer
And the contemporaries? Carmen de Icaza, Pemán, Pérez Galdós
Matas, Mihura, Aguatí, Luca de Tena, Ehrenburg, Guillermo Diaz-Plaja
Y the Álvarez quintero brothers
Wow, you know so much! You could have reached the top, Dad
Hi
Hey Belen, let me introduce you to my dad
Pleased to meet you
Belén's my girlfriend
No shit, that's great
- Well actually we're not... - give me a hug, son
- I thought you were gay - You thought what?
Well I hope you'll be very happy
Oh and by the way, I've got a book on sex for couples for a very reasonable price
Come on Dad, go do your job
Ah, you'll have to meet my wife as well soon
Smile Dad, you've got a lovely smile
If my son's gone and got himself a girlfriend, I can definitely sell an encyclopedia
Are you dumb or what? Why did you tell him I'm your girlfriend?
Because you are
Hey Belén, now they're gonna kick us out, we could move in together
You want me to move in with you!
Sure, so we can get to know each other better
Right but I don't wanna get to know you better
Look Belen, I can't carry on like this. I need to know where this is going
Nowhere, Emilio, it's going nowhere
The fact we slept together a couple of times...
14!
14 already? - Yeah
Ok, fine, 14! It doesn't mean anything
I'm not your girlfriend and I'm not moving in with you
and I don't wanna meet any more of your family
Got that?
Good
Marisa, come here
Fuck, I was watching TV
Look, now we know how to get Marisa to sell the flat
Hey, it needs to look like an accident, though, ok?
Don't worry, listen
Marisa, let's say your sister is a person prone to be manipulated fairly easily
- Yeah, she's stupid you mean! - Right
Marisa, look, in this document
Vicenta grants you legal power over the flat so that you can sell it
And all you need to do is get her to sign it and bob's your uncle
Fuck! And how am I gonna get her to sign this?
Vicenta! Come here, someone came round with a petition to save the Amazon
Sign here, come on
To save what?
The Amazon...it's a beautiful really big rainforest over by Brazil somewhere
Oh no! I'm not signing that
First, they need to save our forests here and then the ones abroad
But...but they're also gonna save Doñaña National Park. Sign!
Make up their minds! This lot don't know what they want!
Those forests already exist. I'm not signing anything
Shit! For God's sake!
Hi Mauri
Long time, no see!
How's it going?
Fine, just picking up the letters I get from my friends
at the bank, the electricity company, the phone company
and another company that fixes TVs
They're so moving, when I open them tears come to my eyes
Wow, you smell great
What aftershave are you wearing?
One of those unisex ones that have just come out
Don't you think it's a bit strong?
No!
Well, the smell of an aftershave depends a lot on the person wearing it
and in your case, this one smells amazing on you!
Er ok well I'm off home because you've given me an idea for an article
Hey, are those new jeans?
Why? Do they have the ticket on them?
No, it's just that they really suit you
They make your ass look great
Seriously, the things that happen to me!
Hey, what have you done to the computer? I can't get on the web
Alicia's coming on to me
Alicia's what?
She's into me, she's hitting on me, she wants me
What!
Nothing...it just made me laugh
What's the big deal? Can't a woman be interested in me?
Sure, and Bush can become a member of Greenpeace. Get outta here!
Hey, when I was 16, I went out with a girl!
- Really? - Yeah!
And did you sleep with her?
No, but she had a brother who was so hot
Look, I think this thing with Alicia is another one of your delusions
because it's really obvious that you're gay
Oh really? So there's no reason for us to hide it then
Well, to some people it's obvious and to others not so obvious
You mean it's not that obvious then
No! It IS obvious! It's just that people look at me and kinda have doubts
Ah, they see John Wayne and say her over here must be his sister
You know what's wrong with you? You're jealous
because now Alicia's into me and that's what always happens
At the beginning they like you and as soon as they get to know us, they like me better
You attract them because of how you look and I win them over with my personality
Hi
Hey, is Mauri there?
Yeah! I'm here!
Listen, I thought if you're free tonight
maybe you'd like to go to the movies with me
Great. What do you fancy seeing?
- I don't know, you choose sé - No, you choose
- No, you - No, you
See that? We're like a couple
A new movie with Cameron Diaz's just come out
Ok she's good, let's see that one!
Well, you can come as well if you like
No, Fernando doesn't like the movies. Best if just you and me go
I'll come and get you at 8, ok?
- OK, see you later - See you later
I've got her in the bag, bro
No, it's obvious what she's doing
Actually she's into me, she's just using you to make me jealous
Or she's been using you to make me jealous
Come on, no way!
You're jealous! You're jealous!
Mauri, I'm not jealous because I'm not a jealous person
and I can't get jealous because you don't like girls
So it doesn't bother you that I'm going out with her?
Me? No!
What I don't get is why you're going to the cinema with her...
I love it! I love it!
Finally, you're gonna start to appreciate what you've got at home
I'm gonna go decide what to wear
Juan, him upstairs is taking a shower
I can hear it
Señor Cuesta, you're not gonna cut off the poor boy's water, are you?
Emilio, however painful it may be, when a neighbour is in the wrong
it's the duty of a good president to make him see it
By the way, which ones are the fuses for their flat?
No, no, no, no, no!
Yes, yes, yes. yes, yes, YES!
Fuck! What the hell's going on with the water?
Ok, great
Now where the hell are the fuses?
I'm making a mess of the floor now. Shit!
Hello! No, I was taking a shower
Hey, have we got any candles?
Yeah
Lucía?
Hello?
What the fuck's going on?
There, there! This'll make your clothes smell good!
Fuck!
Oh hello neighbour!
- How are you? - Fine
Look, what's the matter with the water? And the electricity?
And the heating? Actually with everything
Yes, we're experiencing a lot of of problems, you know
It's just that there are so many things that need fixing
I shudder at the thought of the bills we're going have to pay
The plumbing's old
The electrics are a mess!
But you've got electricity, right?
Huh? Oh yes, well yes and no
because it comes and goes, don't you believe it, it's really strange...
See? Now it's gone again
It's driving the electrician out of his mind
Right, but the phone's not working either and that hasn't got anything to do with the building
Is someone gonna come and fix it or not?
Of course! We can't be cut off, can we?
Juan, the phone!
It's my mobile, I like to give things their traditional sound
Do you think I'm stupid or what?
What on earth are you doing in the dark! Switch on the light!
This is unbelievable!
Fuck, shit, bollocks!
Hey, hey Belén
What's wrong now?
No listen, just one little thing
If in the end, they sell the building and knock it down
I'm gonna go back to Córdoba
To Córdoba? What for?
My brother's got a fishmonger's there and he says he'll give me a contract
But what do you know about fish?
Well, the essentials
First there's white fish and then there's blue which is when it goes off
Fine! But if you go to Cordoba, we're finished!
What do you mean we're finished? You mean we're dating then?
No...I mean, we won't see each other anymore
No, you said we're finished
and if you said that, it's because we were dating
No, I didn't make myself clear
No, no, you've made yourself crystal clear
Leave me alone
Hey! Listen Belén, if you tell me we're a couple, I won't go to Córdoba
Hey! This is an ultimatum ok!
She's breaking my heart
I'm gonna lie down for a while
Well? Did she sign it or not?
No! But I've had another idea for something she'll definitely sign!
She'll read it!
No she won't, I've hidden her reading glasses
You'll see
Vicenta, someone came round with a petition from the society for retired virgin spinsters
to make an all-expenses-paid trip to Cuba
- Oh really? - Yeah
So sign it because there's a Cuban just waiting to show you round his island
Oh no! I don't agree with sex tourism
I'm not interested in that
Ok girl, well you can drink a few cocktails and lie on the beach then, but sign!
It's a con! I bet afterwards they try and sell you a set of saucepans!
They wouldn't take you to Cuba to to sell you saucepans!
Are you stupid?
Marisa, I'm not signing
Ok fine, it's not happening!
Fernando, what are you doing?
Can't you see? Taking a walk, dammit!
Hey, if you're gonna carry on walking up and down the hall
I'll give you the mop and you can take it with you
Hey, where are you going?
- Hi - Evening Emilio
What a whorehouse!
Hey, what's going on here?
Shush! Quiet!
Don't you lay a finger on Belén, ok!
Well, this is where I get off
I've got 2 more stops
Right
- Right well see you tomorrow - See you tomorrow
Fancy running into you, Alicia!
Oh hey!
How was the movies with Mauri? The film was a long one, right?
No, we went for a drink afterwards
He's such a joker you know
Yeah he's really funny once he gets going
Listen, tomorrow's my day off
and I thought maybe we could go to the opera
I just happen to have here...2 tickets to see La Bohème
Wow! That'd be great! But the thing is I can't make tomorrow
because Mauri's taking me see an exhibition of expressionist painting
But we can go some other time if you like. You don't mind, do you?
They're only showing it for 3 days but never mind, it doesn't matter
My sister wanted to go
Well thanks anyway
- See you later - See you later
Hey, where were you?
Washing the car
Oh, by the way I ran into Alicia
and she said tomorrow you're taking her to an art exhibition
Yeah
The thing is I was going to invite her to the opera
Oh well, you always can take her another day, assuming she wants to that is
Hang on a second, she knows nothing about expressionist painting
Just like you and the opera then
Until recently, you thought La Traviata was an Italian mall
Excuse me, I'm learning to appreciate it, ok!
Like her and expressionist painting
Well, today's alright, but tomorrow I'm taking her out
No, tomorrow she'll go out with who SHE wants to!
Let me remind you that you only met Alicia through me!
Is that so? Well thanks for introducing her to me
What's your problem? Are you trying to play the alpha male now or what?
Maybe it's rubbed off on me from seeing you so much
Hang on a second, why are we fighting over a girl if we're gay?
It's your fault, now we don't even know what we are
In the end you an me are gonna end up being straight and her a lesbian
Right, fortune's constantly reminding me how shit it is to come out of the closet
Fernando, you're either on one side of the road or the other
If you stand in the middle, you'll get knocked over
What about you then?
Excuse me, but I know for a fact I'm gay
Yeah, well let me remind you that you're going out with a girl tomorrow
Think about that
Excuse me, you...I...you mean...
I'm going to bed
That's it, go! What a joy you are to be with!
Belén, it worked! Now both of them are after me
Fucking men! You can't even rely on gays nowadays!
When Fernando saw me with Mauri, he got crazy jealous
He stopped me on the stairs and invited me to the opera
Do you know how much those opera tickets cost?
You're in a jam now, who knows what you're gonna wear
cos the only one who can turn people's heads there is the tenor
No, I can't go because I said I'd go out with Mauri
Hang on, I thought it was the other one you're into
Yeah but Mauri's cute too
He's so sensitive and refined
Sure, that's a novelty for you
Hey, excuse me but I've dated really sensitive guys before
Yeah right! The only sensitive guy you've ever dated
was the one who was allergic to gluten and nearly died on you in the Chinese restaurant
The thing is I don't know what to do
I like each of them for different things
Look, it's easy, just choose one! Either Fernando or Mauri
You weren't thinking of dating both of them, were you?
I don't know
Alicia, they live together!
Yeah, I guess that could be a problem
Hi honey!
Hi
What are you doing in the dark? Has the power gone out?
That's what it looks like
Whoa it's cold in here, why haven't you turned the heating on?
We've got no heating, no electricity, no water, no phone
no nothing
What are you talking about? Ugh, what's that smell?
I put this clean t-shirt on and it stinks of sardines
They're after us, Lucía
Let's get outta here while there's still time!
What, you're saying the neighbours are doing all this?
Either that or my horoscope for this year is totally screwed
Does it seem normal to you that we're the only ones having problems?
Hey! It's Emilio, open the door
Emilio, what's going on?
They're screwing you over good and proper
No way! This takes the biscuit! I'm gonna go talk to them right now
cos if they want war, that's what they're gonna get!
They won't care
If they all agree to sell, they'll make our life a misery
Yeah well they're not gonna make us move
Right dammit! You guys hold firm
You smell of sardines!
No it's him, he stinks
Come on Emilio!
Paloma, don't you think we've gone a bit too far with the couple upstairs?
You can't give in now, Juan!
Look at the villa
Yeah right, it's very nice...
Turn over, check out the garage
Wow! 2 cars could fit in there
No, not 2! 1! I know what you're like
No, I meant for when Natalia gets her licence
She's gorgeous and she'll have no trouble finding herself a boyfriend with a car
Whoa, what was that?
I don't know
- Mum, there's no water! - What!
Hey, I was on the phone! What did you cut me off for?
This was her upstairs' doing
What a mess!
What's that woman's problem! What have we done to her!
Natalia! Find the candles!
Where are they then?
I don't know! Oh no, my frozen fish is gonna go off!
The candles will be in a drawer something. Look for them!
Now we've got electricity and they haven't
Actually this is gonna be fun after all
But if you put silicone in the lock, no-one will be able to open the door
Right Emilio! Well spotted!
If you see the Cuestas, say goodnight to them from me
And to think that women put this stuff in their tits!
Gross!
- Honey, what a thrill! - What have you done?
She's cut off the Cuesta's electricity
and their water and their phone line!
Let's see how they like that!
But don't you see? You're turning into one of them!
He's right, you're like Paloma
just with less chest
Hey! We need to stand up for ourselves, don't we?
They'll leave us in peace now, you'll see
They're not gonna leave us in peace!
For 35 million, these people would knock down the building with their own heads
Paloma, before we declare war on them, we need to make sure...
It was her! I'm telling you it was her!
That snob's had it in for us from day 1 because she's jealous of us
And jealousy's a terrible thing
Ok but please first let me do the talking because you seem a bit worked up
Worked up! Look at the state I'm in!
My hairdresser told me I'm a picture of stress
Open up!
Fuck! It's them from downstairs
Oh no! What am I gonna do now? They can't see me here
- I'm not opening, ok - Roberto open the door!
Go on, open! Let's see what she wants!
So are we agreed that I'll do the talking?
Yes, you're president
- Hello, how are you? - Hello Roberto, we're here because...
Tell your girlfriend to show her face if she's got the balls!
Oh well she's not here, she had to go out...
- What is it? - Don't play dumb with me!
Who do you think you are to cut off our electricity?
Me! It wasn't me, it's the building, you know as it's in such a bad state...
Right. However...
You don't know who you're messing with
Hey, where do you think you're going? - Paloma, where are you going?
Paloma, get out of my house right now!
Whoa! Look what we have here, Juan, a backstabber!
No, I'm a spy, I was here undercover
Paloma, I'm not gonna tell you again, get out of my house right now!
So you want war, do you? I'll give you war!
What do you think you're doing!
Please, don't hold it against her, she's a picture of stress
So we wanna break stuff, do we?
Ok fine, let's break stuff!
Where are you going? Juan, tell me you shut our front door!
You said we were just going upstairs for a second...
Don't let her in the house, Juan! Don't let her in!
What a mess!
Come on, show a bit of respect here, we're all human beings
Oh fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Hey don't be shy, ok! You make yourself at home!
If you break that, my mum's gonna be so pissed
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
I bought that in Almería
Hey Roberto, how's it going?
Paloma, you choose! Either you leave us in peace or this is gonna end really badly
For God's sake, let's try and reach an agreement
before we end up on the news
Are you going to sell or not?
NO!
Well there's no deal then
I'm gonna rip your hair out, you stuck-up snob! - Go on then!
Let's go Lucía, let's go please!
That's how it's done, settle your problems with dialogue, why don't you?
I'll have words with you later
Let me go!
Paloma, please, the kids are watching
I'll pay her back for this!
Mum, you were born to be a UN embassador, you know that
What am I gonna put here now, Juan!
I'm finishing an airplane model
My little angels from Almería! They were priceless...
Lucía, I can't live like this, I'm not a violent guy
I've never managed to finish watching Rocky
What a beating he was getting, the poor bloke
Well in the end he lost the fight
No way!
Yeah! The other guy started hitting him like this
and smashing his face in
Alright, alright, it was just an example
What are we gonna do then, Roberto? Move away? Sell the flat?
Are you serious! I'm gonna be kicked out on the street
Yeah but maybe it's better, that way we can save ourselves that 4 million bill
- 4 millon! - Yeah
But what do they need that much money for? Are they gonna build us our own metro line or what?
No, the technician from the council said the building's apart
Look, I'm an architect and I'm telling you there's nothing wrong with this building
Well why didn't it pass the inspection?
Because the guy offering 35 million bribed the tecnician
Right! That's why I thought
This one of those cases of corruption at the top
Ok, well we need to report it then, right?
We need proof
Emilio, how far are you willing to go to save your flat?
Me? As far as it takes. What do we need to do?
Vicenta, someone came round with a petition to show the Little House on the Prairie on TV again
Wow, lots of people are coming round with petitions at the moment, right?
Yeah, tons of them. Come on, give me your autograph
No, the Little House of the Prairie is quite fresh in my mind
Fresh in your mind!
What I'd like to see again is...
Falcon Crest, or Dynasty
or The Rich Cry Too
Ok, put a sock in it now!
Or Curro Jiménez
Or Roots with Kunta Kinte
Poor thing, he had such a hard time
Look, it's not happening
Vicenta won't sign that even at gunpoint
I've already tried everything
She's gonna ruin us!
What about drugging her? No-one will notice
Why don't we tell my Jose Miguel to forge her signature?
He's got your one nailed
What! You mean he forged my signature?
Yeah, one day you weren't here and I needed the chequebook
- Marisa? - What?
What's this document that you left on the table?
It says my name here and something about a legal power
Look erm...I can explain, ok
No! Here, I've signed it now
You forget to tell me things and then the deadlines expire
What were you thinking!
Shit, she signed it, dammit!
The only stupid one round here's me! There you go
Neighbours' meeting! Now we're only missing one
Come on, come to my house and I'll give you a glass of whisky
Morning, how did you sleep?
I didn't
Hey, why is it that whenever we fight I end up sleeping on the sofa?
Because the one who sleeps on the sofa is the one who's in the wrong and feels guilty
Mauri, we can't go on like this, ok
This business with Alicia has got out of hand
Yeah, but at least it's shown that I can pull just as well as you
Come on, enough! Look, you know what?
I'm gonna go upstairs right now and tell her we're gay
Wow, I'll go with you, I can't miss this
Come on then
Can I get the video camera?
I'm being serious
So am I, it's a historic moment
Oh ok, sorry
Alicia, I'm going out!
Alicia, I'm staying in! Come out!
- Come in, come in - Hi - hi
Alright there!
You've got visitors!
Yeah, look we've been talking about you and we wanna tell you something
No, I feel so bad about all this
It must be really awkward for you two
I know you both like me
- Well actually... - She's so modest
Well I admit that at the beginning it was Fernando who I liked
See?
And as he wouldn't make up his mind, I decided to use Mauri to make him jealous
Told you! That's what I told him
But then I realised that Mauri's a wonderful guy
Wait, she's not done yet
and that I was attracted to him for things Fernando doesn't have
Keep going, keep going!
Hang on a second, what things?
It doesn't matter. The fact is I've decided not to date either of you
It's much better for everyone if we carry on being friends like up to now
How nice!
If that's your decision, we have to respect it
Wait, wait, wait! Fernando wants to tell you something
No, well basically it's what Alicia said
that it would be a shame to destroy our lovely friendship for something so silly
And what else?
Well, I think that's essentially it
Ah...ok, fine
- Shall we go? - Ok
- Bye - Bye
Emilio!
Yes Señor Cuesta
No, it's me, you idiot
Erm...yes - Huh?
Yes!
Yes what?
Yes...fuck this is hard
Yes, we're a couple
But this is something just between you and me
No-one else needs to know
So we're a couple? - Yeah
Well I'm dumping you then
What do you mean you're dumping me!
I'm breaking up with you, we're finished, it's over
But why?
Well because I can't be with someone who's ashamed of me
But I'm not ashamed of you
I just don't want us to be seen together
Yeah, look sorry Belen, I've got a lot of stuff to do
Emilio, wait!
No, no, seriously
What an idiot! After all the shit he's been giving me!
Augusto Carvajal
Hey, how do you spell Carvajal?
With a v
No, I mean with a g or with a j?
With a j Emilio! Otherwise, it'd be CAR-VA-GAL
Oh yeah, that's true, it sounds bad
What time was the guy from the council supposed to bring the report?
I don't know but he ought to be here by now
Hang on a moment, let me see if I've got this straight. Come here
So I ask him stuff and then press record?
No, it's not an interview!
You need to keep this in your pocket and try and get information out of him, ok?
Oh God, this isn't gonna go well
No, it will, it will
But be very tactful. Make small talk with him about anything
and then when you've got his confidence, hit him with the subject of the fraud
and see if he spills the beans
Ok, ok, I've got it
Very tactful so he doesn't realise
He's coming!
Hello, good afternoon, I've come to bring you the report from the technical building inspection
Your face has got corrupt written all over it!
Sorry?
Yeah, don't play dumb!
The guy who wants to buy the building has given you a backhander
Sorry but I don't know what you're talking about
Oh really? Well I'm gonna call the council right now then
and get them to do another inspection. We'll see if the building's really falling apart
Wait!
What do you want? Money?
No, no money, although that's a nice watch you've got there
So that Augusto Carvajal pays you
to make dodgy reports about buildings, is that it?
What would you have me do, man? I can't live on the shitty salary the council pay me
So yes then?
Yes what?
Yes this guy Augusto Carvajal cut you in!
Are you stupid? Of course he cut me in!
Fuck, why do you have to speak so quiet?
What do you want me to do? Shout it from the rooftops?
Right, get outta here! Go on, get going!
What a disgrace to the human race!
Hey, I've got 4 kids, you won't say anything, will you?
God, well use more protection and cut out the corruption!
Come on, get outta here, you dirty crook!
Well?
Fucking hell Emilio!
Wow!
Well yeah, I'm a caretaker, I'm an expert at getting information
Great - Is that a new watch?
What this? No I found it outside the front door
- Hello? - Augusto?
Juan Cuesta, President of the community
I've sent you all the documents you asked me for
But I'm missing a signature
You see, there's one owner who doesn't want to sell
and we don't know what to do to convince them
Ask if they can knock the building down even though there's people inside
Marisa, for God's sake!
Which flat doesn't want to sell?
The couple in 3a, the usual ones
Don't worry, I'll take care of it
For these kinds of cases we have other ways of getting people to sell
It happens a lot
Ok, but can you be a bit more specific about what you're going to do?
This afternoon 2 of my associates will pay them a visit
And in a few hours the whole business will be settled
Hold on, is this bloke a mobster? He's not sending 2 thugs round, is he?
That's what it sounded like to me!
I think they're gonna break their legs
Oh well, it's none of our business
For God's sake Paloma! We can't allow
a fellow neighour to be blackmailed or manipulated or harassed
Ok that's what we've been doing to them, it's true
but everything has its limit
That man's a scumbag, dammit and I'm not selling him my flat!
Right but we've already signed
That doesn't matter! All of us here are prepared to give up the 35 million
in return for the well being and safety of our neighbours
Yeah but I have to give up 70!
Ok shall we call the police then?
No! I think it's best if we stand up to them when they arrive
He said only 2 guys are coming. There are 4 of us
4? Oh me as well?
Oh right, of course, me as well!
If they come looking for violence, that's what they'll get
When those 2 individuals show up, we'll be ready for them
For God's sake, no-one back out please!
This is some elite team we've got here
I bet some of them end up in hospital
How exciting! We're gonna get in a fight!
No Mauri, I think it'll be best if I go downstairs by myself
How come?
Well because you've never been in a fight before
and it might show that...
I mean, you might not seem that macho enough
What!
Do you think when I fight, I pull people's hair or something?
Sometimes I wonder about you, Fernando
You've got all the typical prejudices heteros have
Anyway, who do you think you are, Van Damme?
No, but well, you'll see for yourself
Come on, hit me
No, no, it has to come spontaneously to me
It's fine, land your punch
What the fuck was that about!
I thought you were gonna dodge it!
You didn't give me a chance, dammit!
Ow, I bet I'm gonna it's gonna swell up!
"I bet it's gonna swell up"
Maybe you're the one who'll have to stay at home
Cissy!
Get me some ice
Right, when the thugs come
let's try and exhaust the via of diplomacy, ok
so you 2 let me do the talking
Don't go too far away, though
because I'm not much of a shield
But shouldn't we warn them that they're after them?
Right! That way they won't be worried
They're here, they're here!
They're coming up in the lift
Are they big?
One of them's wearing an overcoat so they might be armed
Ok, calm down, keep calm, whatever you do!
Actually, I think it'll be best if you negotiate with them because you're a lawyer
Yeah, go on
Hold it! Where are you going?
To pay a visit to 3a. Why? Is there a problem?
No, no problem
No more than 4 of you can go in the lift at a time! It's banned!
Señor Cuesta, What's going on here?
There's a fight, Emilio
Are we winning or losing?
Winning I think
Lucía! Lucía!
What's going on here!
Dad!
Phone the police!
What the hell are you playing at hitting my dad?
What a mess!
- This is your... - But...but...
But do your coat up properly or you'll catch cold
Juan Cuesta, President of the community, welcome...
Emilio, the caretaker, you have a wonderful daughter
What kind of nutcases have you got for neighbours?
I don't know!
We thought you were the 2 thugs from the building company
who were coming to force you to sell the flat
What are you going on about! This is my dad and his driver
What's your problem? Don't you ask questions before hitting people?
Tell that to Karate Kid over here
They came looking for trouble, ok!
Sweetheart, you're very safe here, you've got more bodyguards than Victoria Beckham
What did you want Emilio?
Er...oh yeah, Augusto the corrupt's downstairs and wants to talk to everyone
Right, let's go take him down! Come on!
I'm very sorry Augusto
but we've made a unanimous decision not to sell the building
We're respectable people and we don't do business with crooks like you
yeah, and still less by subjecting us to mafia practices
and terrorising our neighbours with 2 thugs!
What are you talking about! This is my lawyer and my accountant
They were going to offer an extra 10 million to the owners of 3a
Ah so now we'll all sell then, right?
Of course, I'm sure we can reconsider because when I said crooks
what I really meant was...
I'm sorry but it's too late
I've already purchased another building in the city centre
I'll leave you to rue this missed opportunity that you let slip through your fingers
Bunch of losers!
Hey, you wouldn't have the balls to call me a loser out on the street!
Mauri, we're already out on the street!
Hang on a second! The technician from the council said
we'd have to spend 24 million on getting the building fixed
Yes, well that's your problem
No, it's YOUR problem because you're gonna pay for it
Is that so? And why would I do that?
Because we've got a tape that shows you bribed the technician from the council
Here's the tape
Hold on a second, it's on the other side
Right here we go
Paco, have you seen how hot the Cuestas' daughter is!
Just look at her, look at that ass!
- You're telling me! - If I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd be all over that...
This thing starts recording whenever it feels like it
What the hell Emilio!
Sorry but I've got a lot of things to do
Don't tell me you recorded over it!
How do I know!
The only device I know how to use is the mop and that doesn't have buttons
The one time we could have got some money out of someone!
What a mess! I'd give you a good beating if I hadn't been at it all day
Señor Juan, I swear this wasn't me, ok!
It wasn't me, seriously
Right, I'll have words with you later
Well Roberto, my daughter tells me the 2 of you are getting married
Right
So you're not gonna back out then?
Dad!
I just wondered
Ok, well I'm gonna give you your first wedding present
Roberto, I've got a vacancy at the company
Well actually I fired someone to make space for you
From next week onwards, you'll come work with us
But Dad, Roberto doesn't like architecture!
Well what did he study it for then?
You and I are going to build a ton of flats all over the place
Well, I'm grateful you thought of me but...
Look, drawing action fictures is alright as a hobby
but you need to start earning some real money
2500 euros a month. What do you say?
- Wow - Done!
Welcome to the family, my boy!
Listen, I need you at the office 8 o'clock Monday morning
Bring marker pens, triangles and a compass
I was kidding, dammit!
Oh, thank God, because I'm not an early riser...
No! I meant it about getting there for 8
Take care, sweetheart
Hey listen, this is a short term contract
So if you pull out of the wedding, I'll get rid of him
Dad!
Bye
Well...are you gonna work for my dad then?
The thing is I don't know if I want to
Well why didn't you say no then?
He didn't give me a chance
Call him! Call him and tell him you've had second thoughts and you don't want the job
No, leave it, he might get angry
Fuck!
Hey, you don't have to wear a suit, do you?
What about a tie?
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Paco, big news!
Yeah, I already heard that they're not gonna sell the building now
No, I've dumped Belén
Why, what happened?
Nothing
So why did you dump her?
To show her I'm a badass and you don't play games with me
Aren't you into her then?
Of course I'm into her!
But why did you dump her then?
I dunno, I ended it so I can get back with her whenever I want
Yeah right! You don't know how spiteful girls are
She's probably out looking for another guy right now
Fuck, don't make me worry, it's not that big a deal
Emilio, you could lose her
Oh God, what have I done? What have I done?
You've fucked things up like you always do, you dumb-ass!
Oh shit
What about the sex?
I dunno...it's not that serious, ok!
Dumb-ass!
What do you mean it's not serious?
Stop calling me a dumb-ass
But that's what you are, man, a dumb-ass
If I had arthritis, this'd be so bad for me
Hello
Hello Rebequita! Where are you going all by yourself?
To school
Isn't your dad taking you?
I told him I wanted to go by myself to start to become independent
But you can't go all on your own
What if a bad man attacks you?
I'll defend myself
But you're only 7, how are you gonna defend yourself?
Like this
Arrrgh! What is this stuff?
Arrrgh! Oh God!
Emilio, what are you playing at?
Armando's daughter sprayed one of those anti-rape things in my eyes
But what did you do to her?
Nothing. Arrgh I can't see! I'm gonna lie down for a while
This guy doesn't know what to invent as an excuse for not working anymore
He's been smoking funny fags, I'm telling you, Juan
What are you talking about?
I'm sure of it, I notice everything
You need to keep a closer eye on him
Where am I? What's this?
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down about my feet
The caretaker's nowhere to be found
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can't take this place
Mix in a cocktail shaker
thunder and lightning, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Come on, show a bit of respect, the President wants to say something
Doña Paloma, a bit of respect for your husband please
Thanks Emilio
Well, as you know the technician from the TBI is about to arrive
Who's the TBI?
His aunt who lives in the country! Shut your gob, will you!
TBI stands for Tecnical Building Inspections
and the idea is that our building appear to be in good condition
But it's not in good condition!
That's why I used the verb appear, dammit!
Leave it to me Juan, I'll speak to them in their language
Do you wanna pay a bill? No right
Well everyone get in position and cover up cracks then, end of discussion!
Come on!
Señor Juan, that bloke's coming now
Come on, quick!
Hello, good morning - Hello!
I'm the architect from the council and I've come to inspect the building
Of course! Go ahead, make yourself at home
- Thank you very much - and you too
- Hello - Hello, good morning
Hello Señorita Belén, I've been sent by Doña Concha
to fix the dishwasher
But we haven't got a dishwasher
Shush! Pretend, dammit!
Belén, I feel so lonely, I need a bit of love
Let's go to your room!
Are you dumb or what?
Come on quick because the gasman and the boilerman are coming this morning
What, do you think this is a brothel
and you can come here for a good time whenever you feel like it?
Listen Belén, we're wasting precious time
No Emilio! This is it for you and me
We're finished, get it through your head. WE'RE FINISHED!
It was good this time right?
Right, get out of here now before Alicia comes back
I know what your deal is now. When we fight, it turns you on
What the hell!
Yeah, you're into all that weird sadist shit
Look Emilio, this was a goodbye
The last one! Got that?
Sure, sure, the last one
Like the one before you mean
Hey, how about a fag?
Pay attention, the neighbours' meeting is about to start
Switch off your mobile phones and try and make your insults original
because it's always the same thing. Thank you
Right, before starting, I'll give the floor to Concha
so she call tell me to quit
Quit Señor Cuesta, quit!
Good...and now I have 2 pieces of news
Give us the good news first!
Both are bad
The council technician tipped me off on the phone
that he's going to issue an unfavourable report about the building
Well actually his exact words were it's falling apart
But can it be fixed?
Yes
The work will cost us 24 million old pesetas
How much! Oh but how much is that because I think in euros now
You call anything thinking!
But that's 4 million per flat, that's an outrage
And what'll happen if we don't get the work done?
We won't pass the inspection and they'll evict us
Can I say something?
Yes of course
That girl always looks so nice
Hey, why don't we bribe the inspector?
Yes, we've already considered that option
but we rejected it
Sure, because it's illegal
Well because of that and because we've got no money
I'll sleep with him if you like
Emilio, don't put that on record!
No, I won't be putting anything else down either because I left the book at home
Well Juan, what are we gonna do? Because we're not paying 4 million!
Relax, there's another option
I'm going to introduce you to a gentleman who got in touch with me
and has a proposal to make to all of us
Augusto, how are you?
- Good morning - Good morning
My name is Augusto Carvajal and I'm a property developer
I bet you were born in August, weren't you Augusto?
Please!
I had to say it!
I'll be brief
I'm prepared to offer 30 million pesetas for each of the properties in this building
on just one condition
- I'll sell! - Me too!
Wait a second, let's let him finish
I intend to knock down the building in order to build an office block
As a result, either everybody sells or there's no deal
Hey, how much are you gonna pay me for my flat?
Nothing because it's part of a shared space
But I'll settle for 20 million!
That flat's not yours, Emilio!
Ok, 10 and that's my final offer
Very well, I'll expect to hear from you tomorrow
It seems like a very reasonable offer to me
considering the condition the building's in
so think about it
- Good day - Bye
I'll get at least 5 million out of him, you watch
Right well, the day of reflection starts now
Mauri, what do you think then? Should we sell or not?
30 million for this flat's a great deal
Let's sell then
But it'd be a shame to sell it because we've got it looking so nice
Ok, let's say no then
But then again, there's that bill for 4 million
Let's sell then!
And where are we gonna go because finding a flat's not that easy!
Mauri, what do you wanna do?
I don't know! Why do I have to be the one who decides?
Because if I decide, you'll blame me for it later
Sure I will if you didn't consult me!
Look, get some olives out please
Mum, why don't you ever consult me?
Son, we're selling both flats!
And for 60 million. Do you know anyone who's got that much money?
Yeah, Mum's boyfriend
Anyway, I'm gonna give you half of it!
Ah ok, in that case let's sell!
But what's gonna happen to Alicia and Belén?
Those 2 whores? Let them fend for themselves
Alicia, we're getting kicked out on the street!
They're gonna knock down all this to build offices
- Do you know what that means? - Yeah
we're completely screwed
No, it means I won't get to see Fernando again
I've got to do something
Yeah! Think about where we're gonna go
Hey, you could have given me a heart attack!
No, I'm the one who's gonna get the heart attack
Get this smoke outta here...what is this stuff?
You smoke and I don't say anything to you!
Anywhere Lucía, we haven't even been here for 3 months
Yeah but the thing is I've become fond of the flat
Well imagine how fond you'll become of a place with normal people
Ok, well if you look for a flat
I'll take care of it!
And organise everything for the move
We'll stay put
Anyway, this flat's really nice
We're leaving Juan, leaving!
and we'll buy a nice semi-detached house where you sister lives
But we're fine here!
The kids have got their friends and they can walk to school
Well they can get up earlier and get the bus
Or if not, you can buy me a scooter
- And me a car - Sure, a BMW
Plus, I like being president
And you can carry on being president but of a housing estate
Imagine it! Making decisions about the swimming pool, the green areas
the colour of the bins
That would be a challenge, no doubt about it
Of course honey, it'll be a leap forward in your career
We can't get stuck in a rut, we're young
We're young, dammit, let's go to Benidorm!
With 30k in our pockets, no German will be able to resist us
But this is our family home, we grew up here
Well let's grow here and shrink in Benidorm
that way, we can mix things up a bit
It's my house and I say we're not selling it!
Fuck, you're so lame, Vicenta!
It's not a joke man, they're gonna knock down the building
We're gonna have to go on the dole
No, you can't cos you haven't got a contract
What am I gonna do now? How am I gonna eat? Where am I gonna sleep?
Relax man, just find another job. What do you know how to do?
Me? Be a caretaker
Right, and apart from that?
Nothing
Nothing...nothing
Oh look, downstairs flat, 25 square metres
full of light, 700 euros
Let's call before someone else snaps it up
Belén, I know what I'm gonna do to win over Fernando now
Get a sex change
No, I'm gonna use the strategy that never fails
When you like a guy and he ignores you, pull his mate
So now you're gonna hook up with Mauri?
Sweetheart, that's kinda pathetic don't you think?
Men are jealous by nature
They're like animals, they mark their territory
Right, and they piss outside the toilet seat
but I don't see the connection
The mistake I made was to show him that I was into him
I bet if he sees he's losing me, he'll make a move
Look, I thought it was hard enough with Fernando
but if you manage to pull Mauri
I swear I'll pay you one year's rent
Deal
Actually, let's make that 3 months because you never know
You're stressing me out!
- Hello? - Augusto!
This is Juan Cuesta, President of the community
How are you? Are you going to sell me the building?
Yes, yes, everything's in progress
Excellent. Is everyone selling?
Well, strictly speaking there's a 3-way tie but it's looking promising
I'm very sorry but in that case there's no deal
No! Wait!
I'm sure we can still reach an agreement
I'll another an extra 5 million for each flat
- Son of a bitch! - Sorry?
No, we were just saying it's very generous of you
Look, I can't be wasting my time, this is my final offer
You've got 24 hours to make up your minds
Right...well I think...
35 million! 35 million for all of us!
Nobody can turn that down
- We're selling - Oh really?
Fernando, we already talked about it
Well I'm not selling
Me neither
BUT WHY NOT? WHY NOT?
Calm down Mum, breathe
Because I'm happy where I am, we just renovated and I don't want to go somewhere else
Come on, aren't you attached to your houses?
For 35 million, I'd sell the flat with her inside
Well I wouldn't! The flat's mine and that's that! Goodbye
See you
That's it! Screw the rest of us!
Well if they don't want to sell, they're within their rights
It's a shame, but I think you ought to call this man and say no
No, no, no! None of that! No-one's calling anyone!
We've still got 24 hours and those 2 are gonna sell!
I'll see to it that they sell
Emilio!
Shit, Dad!
I'll see you in a second, I'm gonna see if any of these losers buy a book from me
Dad, they're firing me, I'm gonna be out on the street
Why, what did you do, you idiot!
Nothing. They're selling the building and knocking it down to build offices
Don't worry, you can come and sell books with me
But I don't know anything about books!
Look you dummy, do you know what the classics are?
Virgil, Horace, Balsac, Lope de Vega, Calderón
Jose Hernández, Dante, Petrarch, Dickens, Dostoevsky, and Homer
And the contemporaries? Carmen de Icaza, Pemán, Pérez Galdós
Matas, Mihura, Aguatí, Luca de Tena, Ehrenburg, Guillermo Diaz-Plaja
Y the Álvarez quintero brothers
Wow, you know so much! You could have reached the top, Dad
Hi
Hey Belen, let me introduce you to my dad
Pleased to meet you
Belén's my girlfriend
No shit, that's great
- Well actually we're not... - give me a hug, son
- I thought you were gay - You thought what?
Well I hope you'll be very happy
Oh and by the way, I've got a book on sex for couples for a very reasonable price
Come on Dad, go do your job
Ah, you'll have to meet my wife as well soon
Smile Dad, you've got a lovely smile
If my son's gone and got himself a girlfriend, I can definitely sell an encyclopedia
Are you dumb or what? Why did you tell him I'm your girlfriend?
Because you are
Hey Belén, now they're gonna kick us out, we could move in together
You want me to move in with you!
Sure, so we can get to know each other better
Right but I don't wanna get to know you better
Look Belen, I can't carry on like this. I need to know where this is going
Nowhere, Emilio, it's going nowhere
The fact we slept together a couple of times...
14!
14 already? - Yeah
Ok, fine, 14! It doesn't mean anything
I'm not your girlfriend and I'm not moving in with you
and I don't wanna meet any more of your family
Got that?
Good
Marisa, come here
Fuck, I was watching TV
Look, now we know how to get Marisa to sell the flat
Hey, it needs to look like an accident, though, ok?
Don't worry, listen
Marisa, let's say your sister is a person prone to be manipulated fairly easily
- Yeah, she's stupid you mean! - Right
Marisa, look, in this document
Vicenta grants you legal power over the flat so that you can sell it
And all you need to do is get her to sign it and bob's your uncle
Fuck! And how am I gonna get her to sign this?
Vicenta! Come here, someone came round with a petition to save the Amazon
Sign here, come on
To save what?
The Amazon...it's a beautiful really big rainforest over by Brazil somewhere
Oh no! I'm not signing that
First, they need to save our forests here and then the ones abroad
But...but they're also gonna save Doñaña National Park. Sign!
Make up their minds! This lot don't know what they want!
Those forests already exist. I'm not signing anything
Shit! For God's sake!
Hi Mauri
Long time, no see!
How's it going?
Fine, just picking up the letters I get from my friends
at the bank, the electricity company, the phone company
and another company that fixes TVs
They're so moving, when I open them tears come to my eyes
Wow, you smell great
What aftershave are you wearing?
One of those unisex ones that have just come out
Don't you think it's a bit strong?
No!
Well, the smell of an aftershave depends a lot on the person wearing it
and in your case, this one smells amazing on you!
Er ok well I'm off home because you've given me an idea for an article
Hey, are those new jeans?
Why? Do they have the ticket on them?
No, it's just that they really suit you
They make your ass look great
Seriously, the things that happen to me!
Hey, what have you done to the computer? I can't get on the web
Alicia's coming on to me
Alicia's what?
She's into me, she's hitting on me, she wants me
What!
Nothing...it just made me laugh
What's the big deal? Can't a woman be interested in me?
Sure, and Bush can become a member of Greenpeace. Get outta here!
Hey, when I was 16, I went out with a girl!
- Really? - Yeah!
And did you sleep with her?
No, but she had a brother who was so hot
Look, I think this thing with Alicia is another one of your delusions
because it's really obvious that you're gay
Oh really? So there's no reason for us to hide it then
Well, to some people it's obvious and to others not so obvious
You mean it's not that obvious then
No! It IS obvious! It's just that people look at me and kinda have doubts
Ah, they see John Wayne and say her over here must be his sister
You know what's wrong with you? You're jealous
because now Alicia's into me and that's what always happens
At the beginning they like you and as soon as they get to know us, they like me better
You attract them because of how you look and I win them over with my personality
Hi
Hey, is Mauri there?
Yeah! I'm here!
Listen, I thought if you're free tonight
maybe you'd like to go to the movies with me
Great. What do you fancy seeing?
- I don't know, you choose sé - No, you choose
- No, you - No, you
See that? We're like a couple
A new movie with Cameron Diaz's just come out
Ok she's good, let's see that one!
Well, you can come as well if you like
No, Fernando doesn't like the movies. Best if just you and me go
I'll come and get you at 8, ok?
- OK, see you later - See you later
I've got her in the bag, bro
No, it's obvious what she's doing
Actually she's into me, she's just using you to make me jealous
Or she's been using you to make me jealous
Come on, no way!
You're jealous! You're jealous!
Mauri, I'm not jealous because I'm not a jealous person
and I can't get jealous because you don't like girls
So it doesn't bother you that I'm going out with her?
Me? No!
What I don't get is why you're going to the cinema with her...
I love it! I love it!
Finally, you're gonna start to appreciate what you've got at home
I'm gonna go decide what to wear
Juan, him upstairs is taking a shower
I can hear it
Señor Cuesta, you're not gonna cut off the poor boy's water, are you?
Emilio, however painful it may be, when a neighbour is in the wrong
it's the duty of a good president to make him see it
By the way, which ones are the fuses for their flat?
No, no, no, no, no!
Yes, yes, yes. yes, yes, YES!
Fuck! What the hell's going on with the water?
Ok, great
Now where the hell are the fuses?
I'm making a mess of the floor now. Shit!
Hello! No, I was taking a shower
Hey, have we got any candles?
Yeah
Lucía?
Hello?
What the fuck's going on?
There, there! This'll make your clothes smell good!
Fuck!
Oh hello neighbour!
- How are you? - Fine
Look, what's the matter with the water? And the electricity?
And the heating? Actually with everything
Yes, we're experiencing a lot of of problems, you know
It's just that there are so many things that need fixing
I shudder at the thought of the bills we're going have to pay
The plumbing's old
The electrics are a mess!
But you've got electricity, right?
Huh? Oh yes, well yes and no
because it comes and goes, don't you believe it, it's really strange...
See? Now it's gone again
It's driving the electrician out of his mind
Right, but the phone's not working either and that hasn't got anything to do with the building
Is someone gonna come and fix it or not?
Of course! We can't be cut off, can we?
Juan, the phone!
It's my mobile, I like to give things their traditional sound
Do you think I'm stupid or what?
What on earth are you doing in the dark! Switch on the light!
This is unbelievable!
Fuck, shit, bollocks!
Hey, hey Belén
What's wrong now?
No listen, just one little thing
If in the end, they sell the building and knock it down
I'm gonna go back to Córdoba
To Córdoba? What for?
My brother's got a fishmonger's there and he says he'll give me a contract
But what do you know about fish?
Well, the essentials
First there's white fish and then there's blue which is when it goes off
Fine! But if you go to Cordoba, we're finished!
What do you mean we're finished? You mean we're dating then?
No...I mean, we won't see each other anymore
No, you said we're finished
and if you said that, it's because we were dating
No, I didn't make myself clear
No, no, you've made yourself crystal clear
Leave me alone
Hey! Listen Belén, if you tell me we're a couple, I won't go to Córdoba
Hey! This is an ultimatum ok!
She's breaking my heart
I'm gonna lie down for a while
Well? Did she sign it or not?
No! But I've had another idea for something she'll definitely sign!
She'll read it!
No she won't, I've hidden her reading glasses
You'll see
Vicenta, someone came round with a petition from the society for retired virgin spinsters
to make an all-expenses-paid trip to Cuba
- Oh really? - Yeah
So sign it because there's a Cuban just waiting to show you round his island
Oh no! I don't agree with sex tourism
I'm not interested in that
Ok girl, well you can drink a few cocktails and lie on the beach then, but sign!
It's a con! I bet afterwards they try and sell you a set of saucepans!
They wouldn't take you to Cuba to to sell you saucepans!
Are you stupid?
Marisa, I'm not signing
Ok fine, it's not happening!
Fernando, what are you doing?
Can't you see? Taking a walk, dammit!
Hey, if you're gonna carry on walking up and down the hall
I'll give you the mop and you can take it with you
Hey, where are you going?
- Hi - Evening Emilio
What a whorehouse!
Hey, what's going on here?
Shush! Quiet!
Don't you lay a finger on Belén, ok!
Well, this is where I get off
I've got 2 more stops
Right
- Right well see you tomorrow - See you tomorrow
Fancy running into you, Alicia!
Oh hey!
How was the movies with Mauri? The film was a long one, right?
No, we went for a drink afterwards
He's such a joker you know
Yeah he's really funny once he gets going
Listen, tomorrow's my day off
and I thought maybe we could go to the opera
I just happen to have here...2 tickets to see La Bohème
Wow! That'd be great! But the thing is I can't make tomorrow
because Mauri's taking me see an exhibition of expressionist painting
But we can go some other time if you like. You don't mind, do you?
They're only showing it for 3 days but never mind, it doesn't matter
My sister wanted to go
Well thanks anyway
- See you later - See you later
Hey, where were you?
Washing the car
Oh, by the way I ran into Alicia
and she said tomorrow you're taking her to an art exhibition
Yeah
The thing is I was going to invite her to the opera
Oh well, you always can take her another day, assuming she wants to that is
Hang on a second, she knows nothing about expressionist painting
Just like you and the opera then
Until recently, you thought La Traviata was an Italian mall
Excuse me, I'm learning to appreciate it, ok!
Like her and expressionist painting
Well, today's alright, but tomorrow I'm taking her out
No, tomorrow she'll go out with who SHE wants to!
Let me remind you that you only met Alicia through me!
Is that so? Well thanks for introducing her to me
What's your problem? Are you trying to play the alpha male now or what?
Maybe it's rubbed off on me from seeing you so much
Hang on a second, why are we fighting over a girl if we're gay?
It's your fault, now we don't even know what we are
In the end you an me are gonna end up being straight and her a lesbian
Right, fortune's constantly reminding me how shit it is to come out of the closet
Fernando, you're either on one side of the road or the other
If you stand in the middle, you'll get knocked over
What about you then?
Excuse me, but I know for a fact I'm gay
Yeah, well let me remind you that you're going out with a girl tomorrow
Think about that
Excuse me, you...I...you mean...
I'm going to bed
That's it, go! What a joy you are to be with!
Belén, it worked! Now both of them are after me
Fucking men! You can't even rely on gays nowadays!
When Fernando saw me with Mauri, he got crazy jealous
He stopped me on the stairs and invited me to the opera
Do you know how much those opera tickets cost?
You're in a jam now, who knows what you're gonna wear
cos the only one who can turn people's heads there is the tenor
No, I can't go because I said I'd go out with Mauri
Hang on, I thought it was the other one you're into
Yeah but Mauri's cute too
He's so sensitive and refined
Sure, that's a novelty for you
Hey, excuse me but I've dated really sensitive guys before
Yeah right! The only sensitive guy you've ever dated
was the one who was allergic to gluten and nearly died on you in the Chinese restaurant
The thing is I don't know what to do
I like each of them for different things
Look, it's easy, just choose one! Either Fernando or Mauri
You weren't thinking of dating both of them, were you?
I don't know
Alicia, they live together!
Yeah, I guess that could be a problem
Hi honey!
Hi
What are you doing in the dark? Has the power gone out?
That's what it looks like
Whoa it's cold in here, why haven't you turned the heating on?
We've got no heating, no electricity, no water, no phone
no nothing
What are you talking about? Ugh, what's that smell?
I put this clean t-shirt on and it stinks of sardines
They're after us, Lucía
Let's get outta here while there's still time!
What, you're saying the neighbours are doing all this?
Either that or my horoscope for this year is totally screwed
Does it seem normal to you that we're the only ones having problems?
Hey! It's Emilio, open the door
Emilio, what's going on?
They're screwing you over good and proper
No way! This takes the biscuit! I'm gonna go talk to them right now
cos if they want war, that's what they're gonna get!
They won't care
If they all agree to sell, they'll make our life a misery
Yeah well they're not gonna make us move
Right dammit! You guys hold firm
You smell of sardines!
No it's him, he stinks
Come on Emilio!
Paloma, don't you think we've gone a bit too far with the couple upstairs?
You can't give in now, Juan!
Look at the villa
Yeah right, it's very nice...
Turn over, check out the garage
Wow! 2 cars could fit in there
No, not 2! 1! I know what you're like
No, I meant for when Natalia gets her licence
She's gorgeous and she'll have no trouble finding herself a boyfriend with a car
Whoa, what was that?
I don't know
- Mum, there's no water! - What!
Hey, I was on the phone! What did you cut me off for?
This was her upstairs' doing
What a mess!
What's that woman's problem! What have we done to her!
Natalia! Find the candles!
Where are they then?
I don't know! Oh no, my frozen fish is gonna go off!
The candles will be in a drawer something. Look for them!
Now we've got electricity and they haven't
Actually this is gonna be fun after all
But if you put silicone in the lock, no-one will be able to open the door
Right Emilio! Well spotted!
If you see the Cuestas, say goodnight to them from me
And to think that women put this stuff in their tits!
Gross!
- Honey, what a thrill! - What have you done?
She's cut off the Cuesta's electricity
and their water and their phone line!
Let's see how they like that!
But don't you see? You're turning into one of them!
He's right, you're like Paloma
just with less chest
Hey! We need to stand up for ourselves, don't we?
They'll leave us in peace now, you'll see
They're not gonna leave us in peace!
For 35 million, these people would knock down the building with their own heads
Paloma, before we declare war on them, we need to make sure...
It was her! I'm telling you it was her!
That snob's had it in for us from day 1 because she's jealous of us
And jealousy's a terrible thing
Ok but please first let me do the talking because you seem a bit worked up
Worked up! Look at the state I'm in!
My hairdresser told me I'm a picture of stress
Open up!
Fuck! It's them from downstairs
Oh no! What am I gonna do now? They can't see me here
- I'm not opening, ok - Roberto open the door!
Go on, open! Let's see what she wants!
So are we agreed that I'll do the talking?
Yes, you're president
- Hello, how are you? - Hello Roberto, we're here because...
Tell your girlfriend to show her face if she's got the balls!
Oh well she's not here, she had to go out...
- What is it? - Don't play dumb with me!
Who do you think you are to cut off our electricity?
Me! It wasn't me, it's the building, you know as it's in such a bad state...
Right. However...
You don't know who you're messing with
Hey, where do you think you're going? - Paloma, where are you going?
Paloma, get out of my house right now!
Whoa! Look what we have here, Juan, a backstabber!
No, I'm a spy, I was here undercover
Paloma, I'm not gonna tell you again, get out of my house right now!
So you want war, do you? I'll give you war!
What do you think you're doing!
Please, don't hold it against her, she's a picture of stress
So we wanna break stuff, do we?
Ok fine, let's break stuff!
Where are you going? Juan, tell me you shut our front door!
You said we were just going upstairs for a second...
Don't let her in the house, Juan! Don't let her in!
What a mess!
Come on, show a bit of respect here, we're all human beings
Oh fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Hey don't be shy, ok! You make yourself at home!
If you break that, my mum's gonna be so pissed
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
I bought that in Almería
Hey Roberto, how's it going?
Paloma, you choose! Either you leave us in peace or this is gonna end really badly
For God's sake, let's try and reach an agreement
before we end up on the news
Are you going to sell or not?
NO!
Well there's no deal then
I'm gonna rip your hair out, you stuck-up snob! - Go on then!
Let's go Lucía, let's go please!
That's how it's done, settle your problems with dialogue, why don't you?
I'll have words with you later
Let me go!
Paloma, please, the kids are watching
I'll pay her back for this!
Mum, you were born to be a UN embassador, you know that
What am I gonna put here now, Juan!
I'm finishing an airplane model
My little angels from Almería! They were priceless...
Lucía, I can't live like this, I'm not a violent guy
I've never managed to finish watching Rocky
What a beating he was getting, the poor bloke
Well in the end he lost the fight
No way!
Yeah! The other guy started hitting him like this
and smashing his face in
Alright, alright, it was just an example
What are we gonna do then, Roberto? Move away? Sell the flat?
Are you serious! I'm gonna be kicked out on the street
Yeah but maybe it's better, that way we can save ourselves that 4 million bill
- 4 millon! - Yeah
But what do they need that much money for? Are they gonna build us our own metro line or what?
No, the technician from the council said the building's apart
Look, I'm an architect and I'm telling you there's nothing wrong with this building
Well why didn't it pass the inspection?
Because the guy offering 35 million bribed the tecnician
Right! That's why I thought
This one of those cases of corruption at the top
Ok, well we need to report it then, right?
We need proof
Emilio, how far are you willing to go to save your flat?
Me? As far as it takes. What do we need to do?
Vicenta, someone came round with a petition to show the Little House on the Prairie on TV again
Wow, lots of people are coming round with petitions at the moment, right?
Yeah, tons of them. Come on, give me your autograph
No, the Little House of the Prairie is quite fresh in my mind
Fresh in your mind!
What I'd like to see again is...
Falcon Crest, or Dynasty
or The Rich Cry Too
Ok, put a sock in it now!
Or Curro Jiménez
Or Roots with Kunta Kinte
Poor thing, he had such a hard time
Look, it's not happening
Vicenta won't sign that even at gunpoint
I've already tried everything
She's gonna ruin us!
What about drugging her? No-one will notice
Why don't we tell my Jose Miguel to forge her signature?
He's got your one nailed
What! You mean he forged my signature?
Yeah, one day you weren't here and I needed the chequebook
- Marisa? - What?
What's this document that you left on the table?
It says my name here and something about a legal power
Look erm...I can explain, ok
No! Here, I've signed it now
You forget to tell me things and then the deadlines expire
What were you thinking!
Shit, she signed it, dammit!
The only stupid one round here's me! There you go
Neighbours' meeting! Now we're only missing one
Come on, come to my house and I'll give you a glass of whisky
Morning, how did you sleep?
I didn't
Hey, why is it that whenever we fight I end up sleeping on the sofa?
Because the one who sleeps on the sofa is the one who's in the wrong and feels guilty
Mauri, we can't go on like this, ok
This business with Alicia has got out of hand
Yeah, but at least it's shown that I can pull just as well as you
Come on, enough! Look, you know what?
I'm gonna go upstairs right now and tell her we're gay
Wow, I'll go with you, I can't miss this
Come on then
Can I get the video camera?
I'm being serious
So am I, it's a historic moment
Oh ok, sorry
Alicia, I'm going out!
Alicia, I'm staying in! Come out!
- Come in, come in - Hi - hi
Alright there!
You've got visitors!
Yeah, look we've been talking about you and we wanna tell you something
No, I feel so bad about all this
It must be really awkward for you two
I know you both like me
- Well actually... - She's so modest
Well I admit that at the beginning it was Fernando who I liked
See?
And as he wouldn't make up his mind, I decided to use Mauri to make him jealous
Told you! That's what I told him
But then I realised that Mauri's a wonderful guy
Wait, she's not done yet
and that I was attracted to him for things Fernando doesn't have
Keep going, keep going!
Hang on a second, what things?
It doesn't matter. The fact is I've decided not to date either of you
It's much better for everyone if we carry on being friends like up to now
How nice!
If that's your decision, we have to respect it
Wait, wait, wait! Fernando wants to tell you something
No, well basically it's what Alicia said
that it would be a shame to destroy our lovely friendship for something so silly
And what else?
Well, I think that's essentially it
Ah...ok, fine
- Shall we go? - Ok
- Bye - Bye
Emilio!
Yes Señor Cuesta
No, it's me, you idiot
Erm...yes - Huh?
Yes!
Yes what?
Yes...fuck this is hard
Yes, we're a couple
But this is something just between you and me
No-one else needs to know
So we're a couple? - Yeah
Well I'm dumping you then
What do you mean you're dumping me!
I'm breaking up with you, we're finished, it's over
But why?
Well because I can't be with someone who's ashamed of me
But I'm not ashamed of you
I just don't want us to be seen together
Yeah, look sorry Belen, I've got a lot of stuff to do
Emilio, wait!
No, no, seriously
What an idiot! After all the shit he's been giving me!
Augusto Carvajal
Hey, how do you spell Carvajal?
With a v
No, I mean with a g or with a j?
With a j Emilio! Otherwise, it'd be CAR-VA-GAL
Oh yeah, that's true, it sounds bad
What time was the guy from the council supposed to bring the report?
I don't know but he ought to be here by now
Hang on a moment, let me see if I've got this straight. Come here
So I ask him stuff and then press record?
No, it's not an interview!
You need to keep this in your pocket and try and get information out of him, ok?
Oh God, this isn't gonna go well
No, it will, it will
But be very tactful. Make small talk with him about anything
and then when you've got his confidence, hit him with the subject of the fraud
and see if he spills the beans
Ok, ok, I've got it
Very tactful so he doesn't realise
He's coming!
Hello, good afternoon, I've come to bring you the report from the technical building inspection
Your face has got corrupt written all over it!
Sorry?
Yeah, don't play dumb!
The guy who wants to buy the building has given you a backhander
Sorry but I don't know what you're talking about
Oh really? Well I'm gonna call the council right now then
and get them to do another inspection. We'll see if the building's really falling apart
Wait!
What do you want? Money?
No, no money, although that's a nice watch you've got there
So that Augusto Carvajal pays you
to make dodgy reports about buildings, is that it?
What would you have me do, man? I can't live on the shitty salary the council pay me
So yes then?
Yes what?
Yes this guy Augusto Carvajal cut you in!
Are you stupid? Of course he cut me in!
Fuck, why do you have to speak so quiet?
What do you want me to do? Shout it from the rooftops?
Right, get outta here! Go on, get going!
What a disgrace to the human race!
Hey, I've got 4 kids, you won't say anything, will you?
God, well use more protection and cut out the corruption!
Come on, get outta here, you dirty crook!
Well?
Fucking hell Emilio!
Wow!
Well yeah, I'm a caretaker, I'm an expert at getting information
Great - Is that a new watch?
What this? No I found it outside the front door
- Hello? - Augusto?
Juan Cuesta, President of the community
I've sent you all the documents you asked me for
But I'm missing a signature
You see, there's one owner who doesn't want to sell
and we don't know what to do to convince them
Ask if they can knock the building down even though there's people inside
Marisa, for God's sake!
Which flat doesn't want to sell?
The couple in 3a, the usual ones
Don't worry, I'll take care of it
For these kinds of cases we have other ways of getting people to sell
It happens a lot
Ok, but can you be a bit more specific about what you're going to do?
This afternoon 2 of my associates will pay them a visit
And in a few hours the whole business will be settled
Hold on, is this bloke a mobster? He's not sending 2 thugs round, is he?
That's what it sounded like to me!
I think they're gonna break their legs
Oh well, it's none of our business
For God's sake Paloma! We can't allow
a fellow neighour to be blackmailed or manipulated or harassed
Ok that's what we've been doing to them, it's true
but everything has its limit
That man's a scumbag, dammit and I'm not selling him my flat!
Right but we've already signed
That doesn't matter! All of us here are prepared to give up the 35 million
in return for the well being and safety of our neighbours
Yeah but I have to give up 70!
Ok shall we call the police then?
No! I think it's best if we stand up to them when they arrive
He said only 2 guys are coming. There are 4 of us
4? Oh me as well?
Oh right, of course, me as well!
If they come looking for violence, that's what they'll get
When those 2 individuals show up, we'll be ready for them
For God's sake, no-one back out please!
This is some elite team we've got here
I bet some of them end up in hospital
How exciting! We're gonna get in a fight!
No Mauri, I think it'll be best if I go downstairs by myself
How come?
Well because you've never been in a fight before
and it might show that...
I mean, you might not seem that macho enough
What!
Do you think when I fight, I pull people's hair or something?
Sometimes I wonder about you, Fernando
You've got all the typical prejudices heteros have
Anyway, who do you think you are, Van Damme?
No, but well, you'll see for yourself
Come on, hit me
No, no, it has to come spontaneously to me
It's fine, land your punch
What the fuck was that about!
I thought you were gonna dodge it!
You didn't give me a chance, dammit!
Ow, I bet I'm gonna it's gonna swell up!
"I bet it's gonna swell up"
Maybe you're the one who'll have to stay at home
Cissy!
Get me some ice
Right, when the thugs come
let's try and exhaust the via of diplomacy, ok
so you 2 let me do the talking
Don't go too far away, though
because I'm not much of a shield
But shouldn't we warn them that they're after them?
Right! That way they won't be worried
They're here, they're here!
They're coming up in the lift
Are they big?
One of them's wearing an overcoat so they might be armed
Ok, calm down, keep calm, whatever you do!
Actually, I think it'll be best if you negotiate with them because you're a lawyer
Yeah, go on
Hold it! Where are you going?
To pay a visit to 3a. Why? Is there a problem?
No, no problem
No more than 4 of you can go in the lift at a time! It's banned!
Señor Cuesta, What's going on here?
There's a fight, Emilio
Are we winning or losing?
Winning I think
Lucía! Lucía!
What's going on here!
Dad!
Phone the police!
What the hell are you playing at hitting my dad?
What a mess!
- This is your... - But...but...
But do your coat up properly or you'll catch cold
Juan Cuesta, President of the community, welcome...
Emilio, the caretaker, you have a wonderful daughter
What kind of nutcases have you got for neighbours?
I don't know!
We thought you were the 2 thugs from the building company
who were coming to force you to sell the flat
What are you going on about! This is my dad and his driver
What's your problem? Don't you ask questions before hitting people?
Tell that to Karate Kid over here
They came looking for trouble, ok!
Sweetheart, you're very safe here, you've got more bodyguards than Victoria Beckham
What did you want Emilio?
Er...oh yeah, Augusto the corrupt's downstairs and wants to talk to everyone
Right, let's go take him down! Come on!
I'm very sorry Augusto
but we've made a unanimous decision not to sell the building
We're respectable people and we don't do business with crooks like you
yeah, and still less by subjecting us to mafia practices
and terrorising our neighbours with 2 thugs!
What are you talking about! This is my lawyer and my accountant
They were going to offer an extra 10 million to the owners of 3a
Ah so now we'll all sell then, right?
Of course, I'm sure we can reconsider because when I said crooks
what I really meant was...
I'm sorry but it's too late
I've already purchased another building in the city centre
I'll leave you to rue this missed opportunity that you let slip through your fingers
Bunch of losers!
Hey, you wouldn't have the balls to call me a loser out on the street!
Mauri, we're already out on the street!
Hang on a second! The technician from the council said
we'd have to spend 24 million on getting the building fixed
Yes, well that's your problem
No, it's YOUR problem because you're gonna pay for it
Is that so? And why would I do that?
Because we've got a tape that shows you bribed the technician from the council
Here's the tape
Hold on a second, it's on the other side
Right here we go
Paco, have you seen how hot the Cuestas' daughter is!
Just look at her, look at that ass!
- You're telling me! - If I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd be all over that...
This thing starts recording whenever it feels like it
What the hell Emilio!
Sorry but I've got a lot of things to do
Don't tell me you recorded over it!
How do I know!
The only device I know how to use is the mop and that doesn't have buttons
The one time we could have got some money out of someone!
What a mess! I'd give you a good beating if I hadn't been at it all day
Señor Juan, I swear this wasn't me, ok!
It wasn't me, seriously
Right, I'll have words with you later
Well Roberto, my daughter tells me the 2 of you are getting married
Right
So you're not gonna back out then?
Dad!
I just wondered
Ok, well I'm gonna give you your first wedding present
Roberto, I've got a vacancy at the company
Well actually I fired someone to make space for you
From next week onwards, you'll come work with us
But Dad, Roberto doesn't like architecture!
Well what did he study it for then?
You and I are going to build a ton of flats all over the place
Well, I'm grateful you thought of me but...
Look, drawing action fictures is alright as a hobby
but you need to start earning some real money
2500 euros a month. What do you say?
- Wow - Done!
Welcome to the family, my boy!
Listen, I need you at the office 8 o'clock Monday morning
Bring marker pens, triangles and a compass
I was kidding, dammit!
Oh, thank God, because I'm not an early riser...
No! I meant it about getting there for 8
Take care, sweetheart
Hey listen, this is a short term contract
So if you pull out of the wedding, I'll get rid of him
Dad!
Bye
Well...are you gonna work for my dad then?
The thing is I don't know if I want to
Well why didn't you say no then?
He didn't give me a chance
Call him! Call him and tell him you've had second thoughts and you don't want the job
No, leave it, he might get angry
Fuck!
Hey, you don't have to wear a suit, do you?
What about a tie?
Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me
Paco, big news!
Yeah, I already heard that they're not gonna sell the building now
No, I've dumped Belén
Why, what happened?
Nothing
So why did you dump her?
To show her I'm a badass and you don't play games with me
Aren't you into her then?
Of course I'm into her!
But why did you dump her then?
I dunno, I ended it so I can get back with her whenever I want
Yeah right! You don't know how spiteful girls are
She's probably out looking for another guy right now
Fuck, don't make me worry, it's not that big a deal
Emilio, you could lose her
Oh God, what have I done? What have I done?
You've fucked things up like you always do, you dumb-ass!
Oh shit
What about the sex?
I dunno...it's not that serious, ok!
Dumb-ass!
What do you mean it's not serious?
Stop calling me a dumb-ass
But that's what you are, man, a dumb-ass