Animaniacs (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - Episode #3.8 - full transcript
♪ theme song playing ♪
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose,
and now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
♪ And ethnically diverse ♪
♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ You should see our new contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
♪ Mispronouncing Brisbane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
[punches landing]
[video game zapping]
Well, I guess it's finally happened.
They've slashed the budget so much
that they can only afford
to animate the two--
well, I'll say it--
the two best siblings.
Tragic.
But we can't mourn forever.
I've always thought this would work
better as a two-hander anyway.
Agreed.
I'll play a rogue astrophysicist
on a quest to locate a missing Higgs boson
in the seething heart
of post-Brexit Saigon,
and you'll play
my wisecracking manservant Scuttlebutt.
[inhales]
Only when spoken to, Scuttlebutt!
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER: Match!
[game crowd cheering]
Oh. Wakko's alive. Hooray.
Hey, guys! Like my new game?
Brawl 'n' Bash Siblings?
- Hey, that sounds a lot like--
- It's not!
Uh-huh. Well, who are those two?
WAKKO: They're the world-famous
Spanish carpenter sisters,
Maria and Luisa.
Soy-a yo, Maria.
And the gorilla?
You've never heard of Jackass Monkey?
[ooking]
[beating chest]
And I suppose you're gonna tell me that
red muscly man with the anger problem
is in no way related to--
He's not!
Beastwipe is nothing--
Beastwipe slam!
Just try it, okay?
It might be derivative,
but it's also crazy addictive...
[belches]
Please. I'm technically a boomer.
I'm immune to technology
because I harbor an irrational fear of it.
And I'm a girl. Everybody knows that
video games have no effect on...
♪
[video game boinging]
[beeping]
Aah!
[beeping]
[slow motion]:
Slam...
...girls.
Wait. Wait, where am I?
How... How long were we under?
Well, it's about 3:00...
Okay. Two hours.
We're not addicted.
...on Thursday...
Okay. Two days. That's not too ba--
...in the middle of January.
It's been half a year?!
You've missed a lot.
I could catch you up,
or we could play one more game?
- One more game!
- One more game!
Faboo! I'll just add
a third player and--
Wait, I wanna be
player one this time!
But I've already made my controller
nice and sweaty.
[fighting]
Don't. Stop!
[clicking]
[beeping]
[zapping, humming]
ALL:
Whoa...
♪
[whirring]
What is that?
I think we must have
put in a cheat code
to unlock an Easter egg!
Wait, I thought you said it was January.
That is way too early for Easter eggs.
No, like a secret message or reference
in a game, movie, or TV show.
They're called Easter eggs
'cause they're really hard to find.
[beeping]
♪
[beeping, whirring]
[screaming]
♪ whimsical music ♪
[gasps] Yakko! Dot! Wake up!
Something incredible has happened!
Someone on Reddit said
they're actually enjoying the reboot?
Better!
[whooshing]
I think we're inside the game!
Ooh. I wonder if they gave us
any special moves.
[groaning, grunts]
[fizzling]
♪ action music ♪
[screaming]
[zapping]
Shocking.
[electricity crackling]
♪ heroic music ♪
[grunts]
Ah!
Well, that's one way to get my steps in.
BOTH:
Ha!
[grunting, straining]
[silly yelp]
[straining, silly yelp]
Aw! All I got is a lame spin
like that orange marsupial guy.
I guess I do kind of sound like him.
[belches]
[both gasp]
See? You do have a special attack!
No, that's just what happens
after I eat chili.
MARIA:
Well, well, well.
[stomping]
♪ intimidating video game music ♪
If it isn't the little monsters
who've been playing the game
nonstop for six months!
Six months, huh?
Now that you mention it,
you guys do look...
How do I phrase this tactfully?
They look like Wakko smells?
You look like Wakko smells.
You know why we look like
this personified scent
of this stinky child?
Because you never stop playing!
[grunts] We're exhausted!
We have no time to do anything!
Poor Beastwipe hasn't
seen his kids in months.
[sadly]:
Beastwipe slam.
You're... sick of playing the game?
[giggles] Casuals.
[laughing]
[clang]
[crowd cheering]
Oh no! It's the sacred foot
of character selection!
Someone is loading a new game!
A foot? [scoffs] Okay, see?
This is what we get for
buying the off-brand version.
[all scream]
[all scream]
♪
Save yourselves!
[laughs]
Let's see how you like it, chicas!
[8-bit jumping]
Woo-hoo!
Who could be loading
a new game on our console?
[gasping]
WARNERS: Ralph!
RALPH: Duh... Hm...
[phone ringing]
Duh, Mrs. Bossman Woman?
I found them.
They're in the TV.
NORITA [phone]: So get them out of there
and bring them to me at once!
They don't get to disappear
for months on end!
Warner Bros. has standards!
Well, not artistic standards, obviously.
But nobody is taking
an unauthorized vacation on my watch!
[rumbling]
Get the Warners out of the TV!
[zap]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
New game!
[all gasp]
♪
[all scream]
[zapping]
[gasping]
[grunts, shouts]
[screaming]
Ugh. That foot smelled like Wakko.
Hey, man.
How about punching up every so often?
Wow. You're right, Wakko.
I apologize for always
making you the butt of my jokes.
It's easier than telling you
how much I care.
Loving this moment, Ted Lasso,
but we've got bigger problems
to deal with.
What is this place?
ANNOUNCER: Three, two, one, bash!
[video game beeping]
Bash? Who are we supposed to bash?
[pop, squishing]
[beep, squish]
Aw, cute!
Let's destroy it!
Warners, attack!
[squishing]
[clears throat]
I said, Warners, attack!
[squishing]
Okay, I am physically trying
to move right now...
- Me too.
- Oh, no. You don't think...
Ooh. Huh?
DOT: ...we're being controlled by Ralph!
Ralph, please! You gotta do something!
[Yakko and Dot straining]
I'm too immortal to die.
♪
Duh... Hm!
[beep]
[beeping]
Okay, this is more like it.
[beep]
And...
this is less like it.
[gulp]
Wakko getting eaten. Ha!
I guess the irony really is delicious--
[squish]
Okay, okay, that's fine
'cause I can win you over
with observational humor, too.
Ralph? Little help?
[beeping]
[foot whooshing]
♪
Ralphy, baby? Is there anyone
a bit sharper you can
hand the controller to?
Uh...
DOT:
Maybe your pet goldfish!
[Ralph's voice]: Uh...
[beep]
[boom]
[screaming]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
[Yakko groaning]
I'm gonna say the same thing I said
after every Terminator sequel
since T2.
That was awful,
but at least it's over.
[boom]
ANNOUNCER: New game!
Uh...
Ralph, listen to me. Do not...
[beep]
[screaming]
...load...
[beep, screaming]
...another...
[beep]
...game.
[beep]
YAKKO: Aw...
Isn't he the most precious
little thing you--
[growls]
[boom]
[all screaming]
[all grunting]
[woozy gibberish]
[bonk]
[all grunt]
Ugh. I am completely exhausted.
Again, just like
the Terminator franchise.
Don't make me battle anymore.
I'm a lover, not a basher.
[groans]
Wait. Look!
Ralph's taking a bathroom break.
Oh, no! That means
we'll be stuck in here for hours,
maybe days!
DOT:
My bathroom?!
Ralph must be stopped...
from using my fancy shell soaps!
♪
♪ Planet-eating warlords ♪
♪ Legion of Grimlox ♪
♪ Conquest of Earth led by ♪
♪ Dire Commander Starbox ♪
♪ When he finds a planet
where beings are rife ♪
♪ We descend and consume
all the sentient life
♪ When he sends the signal,
we start the invading ♪
♪ Until then, we're waiting,
we're waiting ♪
♪ We're waiting! ♪
♪
[struggling]
[grumbles]
[muffled growl]
[beeping]
[grumbling]
[whirring]
[beeping]
[laughing]
[thunder cracks]
- [Starbox groans]
- I'm not scared
because actually I'm a monster,
so I'm the one who's scary.
[remote beeping]
[confused, angry grunt]
[thunder cracks]
♪ dramatic music ♪
[gasps]
[struggling]
Monsters aren't scary
because they have monster powers.
♪
[gasps]
[beeping]
[grunts]
[gasps] Too dark.
[beeping]
[laughs, grunts]
[Cindy whimpering]
[groans]
[laughing]
Monsters have powers
like... flying,
fire-breathing...
[struggling]
...and some monsters
have the power of everything.
And I'm an everything monster.
Hm...
[Starbox gasps]
Breathing fire would be cool.
Ooh, yeah.
[laughs, grunts]
I'm not scared...
[beeping]
[grunts]
Monsters are little when they hatch.
But even the littlest monsters
can get very big
and very scary.
Even if a monster was under the bed,
I wouldn't be scared.
I would say,
"Do you have any cool monster powers?"
[pained groaning]
You check.
[grunts, sighs]
[triumphant growl, laughing]
[struggling, yelps]
[whimpers] No, no, no.
[grunting]
Aah!
[laughing]
♪
[yelling]
♪
[groans]
[thunder rumbles]
Singing a nice song
will make me feel better.
[monotone]:
Monsters are creepy because they are...
[screams]
[grunts]
[groans]
♪ intense music ♪
[screams, whimpers]
♪ intense music ♪
[screaming]
[grumbles]
[gasps]
[muffled thunder]
[eyes rattle]
[grunting]
[screaming]
[grunts]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[punches landing]
Ah...
[screaming]
[gasps, yells]
[panting]
[screams]
Huh?
[groans]
[wailing]
[grunts]
[whimpering]
[toy squeaks]
[whimpers]
[laughing]
[melodic beeping]
[gasps]
[beeping]
Aah!
[whimpers]
[maniacal laughter]
[chest creaks open]
Why are you being so loud in here
when it's bedtime? Bye-bye.
You go to sleep now.
[screaming]
[boom]
[screaming stops]
[gasps, sighs]
When I was born, I had a tail,
but it came off.
That's how you know
if you're a real monster.
[grumbles]
[angry growl]
Sorry.
You're just a guy.
[grumbles]
[beeping]
Nighttime's a bit scary
and a bit cool
when the border between Earth and sky,
like 'cause the sky's a bit navy-ish,
and the trees, and can see all the stars,
and the moon's pretty cool, too.
But it's also scary
'cause it's pretty dark.
[grunts, sighs]
[beeping]
[Cindy sighs]
Good night. I love you.
♪
[confused grunt]
[happy sighing]
♪ We're waiting, we're waiting,
we're waiting! ♪
♪
[beeping]
[grumbling]
[growling]
[beep]
[grunts]
♪
[laughing]
♪ intense music ♪
[laughing]
♪
- [Dot groaning, cracks back]
- I never thought we'd be trapped
- in a video game.
- Yeah.
I thought I'd get trapped in a tornado,
a Ponzi scheme, maybe,
even a green card marriage,
but never a video game!
MARIA: Not so fun anymore, is it?
[8-bit jumping]
♪
Wow. Maria, Luisa,
Jackass Monkey, Beastwipe...
We're so sorry.
We never realized
how awful this was for you guys.
Who could have known
that onscreen violence
would have real-world consequences?
You know, if you help us
get outta here,
we vow never to play the game again.
Well, unless there's
some sort of online tournament going on.
Or if they release a new update
with never-before-seen characters.
Now, will you please help us escape?
Escape? Ha!
There is only one way out of here,
and it's not pretty.
Is it seducing Beastwipe?
'Cause I am desperate.
I will make Wakko do it.
So, do you "Beastwipe Slam" here often?
Beastwipe slam...
[growls]
JACKASS MONKEY:
The only way out of here
is to beat the gold versions
of yourselves!
Gold versions?
Whenever a new character
is imported into the game,
the AI creates a gold copy.
A faster, stronger,
more powerful version of you.
Legend has it that if you beat
your gold version in battle,
you'll be rewarded with a magic key
which will teleport you back
to the real world.
But nobody has ever--
YAKKO: Yeah, yeah, outta the way,
Jackass Monkey man.
Hey!
- [beeping]
- Sorry, sweetie,
but we're about 10 steps ahead of you!
[beeping]
This game world is all a little cliché.
[Warners laughing]
I'm not a cliché, am I?
Guys?
Beastwipe slam?
[whimpering]
[sobbing]
♪
ALL:
Whoa...
[clanging]
[police siren]
Oh, my gaudy!
[whirring]
♪
[rumbling]
[yelping]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Yakko versus Gold Yakko!
[grunts]
[8-bit jump]
[groans]
[back cracks]
Hey, the golden fellow
with the roguish charm?
I don't suppose
you'd prefer to settle this
Lincoln-Douglas debate style, would you?
They do say silence is golden.
[Dot groans]
I really can't stop, can I?
I think it's a coping mechanism.
[Dot groans]
[chomping]
♪ dramatic music ♪
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Three, two, one, bash!
[shouting]
[grunting]
[clanging]
[whooshing]
[zapping]
[intense whirring]
[screaming]
[muffled clang]
[cracking]
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
I think I broke a nail!
Oh wait. It's fine. I don't have nails!
♪
[whooshing]
[grunting]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
♪ triumphant music ♪
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
[clang]
Gold Yakko wins!
[groans] I wouldn't say he "won."
A split decision at best. [sighs]
[gasps, yelps]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Dot versus Gold Dot!
[whirring]
[clang]
Alright, Dot. Kill her with cuteness.
[sparkling]
Hiya!
[clanging]
Ha!
[gasps]
[grunting]
Hey! She's just copying me!
Sure, but we're just copying
the Marx Brothers,
so, you know, glass houses...
No. They're our mirrors!
[clang]
Whatever we do, they do, too!
Watch!
[sparkling]
Mwah!
[sparkling]
[8-bit beeping]
[whooshing]
Huh?
[punches landing]
[screaming]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
Gold Dot wins!
♪
Alright, that's it!
Nobody hurts my sister!
Not even gold sister!
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Wakko versus Gold Wakko!
[grunts]
[8-bit beeping]
[zap]
[yelling]
[feet squeak]
[whoosh]
[crowd gasps]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
I'm sorry, tummy.
[stomach growling]
I know you've done so much for me,
but it was the only way!
♪
[boom]
[crowd gasps]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
Wakko wins!
[sparkling]
[cracking]
[boom]
♪
[screaming]
[grunts]
Oh. That's all we have to do?
[bang]
[whirring]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Team bash!
Three, two, one, bash!
[screaming]
[thud]
[both struggling]
Okay. Feet frozen to the ground,
limbs heavy and sluggish,
unable to move freely.
Either Ralph is controlling us again,
or they've run out
of that sweet Hulu money
and can't afford to animate
the rest of this game!
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Player one has reentered the game!
Phew! I mean, sucks that Ralph
is controlling us again,
but, gotta tell you, I've grown quite fond
of that sweet Hulu dough-re-mi!
[beeping]
[screaming]
- [struggling]
- Hey! I was playing!
Sharing is caring! [grunts]
[Dot screaming, grunting]
[struggling]
[clicking, beeping]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Free-for-all mode activated!
All characters, bash!
RALPH: Huh?
Oh, another Easter egg.
Oh! I like eatin' eggs.
[video game beeping]
Hey! That's my personality!
[struggling]
[beeping, 8-bit sound effects]
Please! Help us!
[swiping, kicking]
And why would we do that?
Because you're player characters.
And that means you're heroes,
each and every one of you.
Whether you're a girl,
a monkey, or something else.
And you live to bash,
and you bash to live.
Oh, and also, if you get us outta here,
we promise to never make you
bash each other again.
Deal.
Aah!
[stomping]
Beastwipe slam!
[clang]
[screaming]
[screeching]
[grunts]
[sparkling]
[grunts]
Ha, ha!
[wind blowing]
[clanking]
[all yell]
[boom]
- Duh!
- Oh, I can't watch anymore!
Without popcorn.
[crunching]
[booming]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
[Luisa laughs]
[triumphant growling]
♪
[clang]
[cracking]
[boom]
♪
[clicking]
[Ralph grunting, yelling]
I know we said we wouldn't,
but one more game?
RALPH:
Ouch! Ow! Stop!
- [yelling continues]
- Ooh! My special move is ready!
BEASTWIPE:
Beastwipe slam!
[boom]
RALPH: Ow!
That's what you get for using my soaps!
♪ easy-listening music ♪
♪ marching band playing ♪
[laughter]
♪
[laughter]
[laughter]
♪ soothing music ♪
♪ hopeful music ♪
♪ soulful saxophone ♪
[knocking]
♪ music stops ♪
♪ comforting music ♪
♪ music ends ♪
♪
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose,
and now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
♪ And ethnically diverse ♪
♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ You should see our new contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
♪ Mispronouncing Brisbane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
[punches landing]
[video game zapping]
Well, I guess it's finally happened.
They've slashed the budget so much
that they can only afford
to animate the two--
well, I'll say it--
the two best siblings.
Tragic.
But we can't mourn forever.
I've always thought this would work
better as a two-hander anyway.
Agreed.
I'll play a rogue astrophysicist
on a quest to locate a missing Higgs boson
in the seething heart
of post-Brexit Saigon,
and you'll play
my wisecracking manservant Scuttlebutt.
[inhales]
Only when spoken to, Scuttlebutt!
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER: Match!
[game crowd cheering]
Oh. Wakko's alive. Hooray.
Hey, guys! Like my new game?
Brawl 'n' Bash Siblings?
- Hey, that sounds a lot like--
- It's not!
Uh-huh. Well, who are those two?
WAKKO: They're the world-famous
Spanish carpenter sisters,
Maria and Luisa.
Soy-a yo, Maria.
And the gorilla?
You've never heard of Jackass Monkey?
[ooking]
[beating chest]
And I suppose you're gonna tell me that
red muscly man with the anger problem
is in no way related to--
He's not!
Beastwipe is nothing--
Beastwipe slam!
Just try it, okay?
It might be derivative,
but it's also crazy addictive...
[belches]
Please. I'm technically a boomer.
I'm immune to technology
because I harbor an irrational fear of it.
And I'm a girl. Everybody knows that
video games have no effect on...
♪
[video game boinging]
[beeping]
Aah!
[beeping]
[slow motion]:
Slam...
...girls.
Wait. Wait, where am I?
How... How long were we under?
Well, it's about 3:00...
Okay. Two hours.
We're not addicted.
...on Thursday...
Okay. Two days. That's not too ba--
...in the middle of January.
It's been half a year?!
You've missed a lot.
I could catch you up,
or we could play one more game?
- One more game!
- One more game!
Faboo! I'll just add
a third player and--
Wait, I wanna be
player one this time!
But I've already made my controller
nice and sweaty.
[fighting]
Don't. Stop!
[clicking]
[beeping]
[zapping, humming]
ALL:
Whoa...
♪
[whirring]
What is that?
I think we must have
put in a cheat code
to unlock an Easter egg!
Wait, I thought you said it was January.
That is way too early for Easter eggs.
No, like a secret message or reference
in a game, movie, or TV show.
They're called Easter eggs
'cause they're really hard to find.
[beeping]
♪
[beeping, whirring]
[screaming]
♪ whimsical music ♪
[gasps] Yakko! Dot! Wake up!
Something incredible has happened!
Someone on Reddit said
they're actually enjoying the reboot?
Better!
[whooshing]
I think we're inside the game!
Ooh. I wonder if they gave us
any special moves.
[groaning, grunts]
[fizzling]
♪ action music ♪
[screaming]
[zapping]
Shocking.
[electricity crackling]
♪ heroic music ♪
[grunts]
Ah!
Well, that's one way to get my steps in.
BOTH:
Ha!
[grunting, straining]
[silly yelp]
[straining, silly yelp]
Aw! All I got is a lame spin
like that orange marsupial guy.
I guess I do kind of sound like him.
[belches]
[both gasp]
See? You do have a special attack!
No, that's just what happens
after I eat chili.
MARIA:
Well, well, well.
[stomping]
♪ intimidating video game music ♪
If it isn't the little monsters
who've been playing the game
nonstop for six months!
Six months, huh?
Now that you mention it,
you guys do look...
How do I phrase this tactfully?
They look like Wakko smells?
You look like Wakko smells.
You know why we look like
this personified scent
of this stinky child?
Because you never stop playing!
[grunts] We're exhausted!
We have no time to do anything!
Poor Beastwipe hasn't
seen his kids in months.
[sadly]:
Beastwipe slam.
You're... sick of playing the game?
[giggles] Casuals.
[laughing]
[clang]
[crowd cheering]
Oh no! It's the sacred foot
of character selection!
Someone is loading a new game!
A foot? [scoffs] Okay, see?
This is what we get for
buying the off-brand version.
[all scream]
[all scream]
♪
Save yourselves!
[laughs]
Let's see how you like it, chicas!
[8-bit jumping]
Woo-hoo!
Who could be loading
a new game on our console?
[gasping]
WARNERS: Ralph!
RALPH: Duh... Hm...
[phone ringing]
Duh, Mrs. Bossman Woman?
I found them.
They're in the TV.
NORITA [phone]: So get them out of there
and bring them to me at once!
They don't get to disappear
for months on end!
Warner Bros. has standards!
Well, not artistic standards, obviously.
But nobody is taking
an unauthorized vacation on my watch!
[rumbling]
Get the Warners out of the TV!
[zap]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
New game!
[all gasp]
♪
[all scream]
[zapping]
[gasping]
[grunts, shouts]
[screaming]
Ugh. That foot smelled like Wakko.
Hey, man.
How about punching up every so often?
Wow. You're right, Wakko.
I apologize for always
making you the butt of my jokes.
It's easier than telling you
how much I care.
Loving this moment, Ted Lasso,
but we've got bigger problems
to deal with.
What is this place?
ANNOUNCER: Three, two, one, bash!
[video game beeping]
Bash? Who are we supposed to bash?
[pop, squishing]
[beep, squish]
Aw, cute!
Let's destroy it!
Warners, attack!
[squishing]
[clears throat]
I said, Warners, attack!
[squishing]
Okay, I am physically trying
to move right now...
- Me too.
- Oh, no. You don't think...
Ooh. Huh?
DOT: ...we're being controlled by Ralph!
Ralph, please! You gotta do something!
[Yakko and Dot straining]
I'm too immortal to die.
♪
Duh... Hm!
[beep]
[beeping]
Okay, this is more like it.
[beep]
And...
this is less like it.
[gulp]
Wakko getting eaten. Ha!
I guess the irony really is delicious--
[squish]
Okay, okay, that's fine
'cause I can win you over
with observational humor, too.
Ralph? Little help?
[beeping]
[foot whooshing]
♪
Ralphy, baby? Is there anyone
a bit sharper you can
hand the controller to?
Uh...
DOT:
Maybe your pet goldfish!
[Ralph's voice]: Uh...
[beep]
[boom]
[screaming]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
[Yakko groaning]
I'm gonna say the same thing I said
after every Terminator sequel
since T2.
That was awful,
but at least it's over.
[boom]
ANNOUNCER: New game!
Uh...
Ralph, listen to me. Do not...
[beep]
[screaming]
...load...
[beep, screaming]
...another...
[beep]
...game.
[beep]
YAKKO: Aw...
Isn't he the most precious
little thing you--
[growls]
[boom]
[all screaming]
[all grunting]
[woozy gibberish]
[bonk]
[all grunt]
Ugh. I am completely exhausted.
Again, just like
the Terminator franchise.
Don't make me battle anymore.
I'm a lover, not a basher.
[groans]
Wait. Look!
Ralph's taking a bathroom break.
Oh, no! That means
we'll be stuck in here for hours,
maybe days!
DOT:
My bathroom?!
Ralph must be stopped...
from using my fancy shell soaps!
♪
♪ Planet-eating warlords ♪
♪ Legion of Grimlox ♪
♪ Conquest of Earth led by ♪
♪ Dire Commander Starbox ♪
♪ When he finds a planet
where beings are rife ♪
♪ We descend and consume
all the sentient life
♪ When he sends the signal,
we start the invading ♪
♪ Until then, we're waiting,
we're waiting ♪
♪ We're waiting! ♪
♪
[struggling]
[grumbles]
[muffled growl]
[beeping]
[grumbling]
[whirring]
[beeping]
[laughing]
[thunder cracks]
- [Starbox groans]
- I'm not scared
because actually I'm a monster,
so I'm the one who's scary.
[remote beeping]
[confused, angry grunt]
[thunder cracks]
♪ dramatic music ♪
[gasps]
[struggling]
Monsters aren't scary
because they have monster powers.
♪
[gasps]
[beeping]
[grunts]
[gasps] Too dark.
[beeping]
[laughs, grunts]
[Cindy whimpering]
[groans]
[laughing]
Monsters have powers
like... flying,
fire-breathing...
[struggling]
...and some monsters
have the power of everything.
And I'm an everything monster.
Hm...
[Starbox gasps]
Breathing fire would be cool.
Ooh, yeah.
[laughs, grunts]
I'm not scared...
[beeping]
[grunts]
Monsters are little when they hatch.
But even the littlest monsters
can get very big
and very scary.
Even if a monster was under the bed,
I wouldn't be scared.
I would say,
"Do you have any cool monster powers?"
[pained groaning]
You check.
[grunts, sighs]
[triumphant growl, laughing]
[struggling, yelps]
[whimpers] No, no, no.
[grunting]
Aah!
[laughing]
♪
[yelling]
♪
[groans]
[thunder rumbles]
Singing a nice song
will make me feel better.
[monotone]:
Monsters are creepy because they are...
[screams]
[grunts]
[groans]
♪ intense music ♪
[screams, whimpers]
♪ intense music ♪
[screaming]
[grumbles]
[gasps]
[muffled thunder]
[eyes rattle]
[grunting]
[screaming]
[grunts]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[punches landing]
Ah...
[screaming]
[gasps, yells]
[panting]
[screams]
Huh?
[groans]
[wailing]
[grunts]
[whimpering]
[toy squeaks]
[whimpers]
[laughing]
[melodic beeping]
[gasps]
[beeping]
Aah!
[whimpers]
[maniacal laughter]
[chest creaks open]
Why are you being so loud in here
when it's bedtime? Bye-bye.
You go to sleep now.
[screaming]
[boom]
[screaming stops]
[gasps, sighs]
When I was born, I had a tail,
but it came off.
That's how you know
if you're a real monster.
[grumbles]
[angry growl]
Sorry.
You're just a guy.
[grumbles]
[beeping]
Nighttime's a bit scary
and a bit cool
when the border between Earth and sky,
like 'cause the sky's a bit navy-ish,
and the trees, and can see all the stars,
and the moon's pretty cool, too.
But it's also scary
'cause it's pretty dark.
[grunts, sighs]
[beeping]
[Cindy sighs]
Good night. I love you.
♪
[confused grunt]
[happy sighing]
♪ We're waiting, we're waiting,
we're waiting! ♪
♪
[beeping]
[grumbling]
[growling]
[beep]
[grunts]
♪
[laughing]
♪ intense music ♪
[laughing]
♪
- [Dot groaning, cracks back]
- I never thought we'd be trapped
- in a video game.
- Yeah.
I thought I'd get trapped in a tornado,
a Ponzi scheme, maybe,
even a green card marriage,
but never a video game!
MARIA: Not so fun anymore, is it?
[8-bit jumping]
♪
Wow. Maria, Luisa,
Jackass Monkey, Beastwipe...
We're so sorry.
We never realized
how awful this was for you guys.
Who could have known
that onscreen violence
would have real-world consequences?
You know, if you help us
get outta here,
we vow never to play the game again.
Well, unless there's
some sort of online tournament going on.
Or if they release a new update
with never-before-seen characters.
Now, will you please help us escape?
Escape? Ha!
There is only one way out of here,
and it's not pretty.
Is it seducing Beastwipe?
'Cause I am desperate.
I will make Wakko do it.
So, do you "Beastwipe Slam" here often?
Beastwipe slam...
[growls]
JACKASS MONKEY:
The only way out of here
is to beat the gold versions
of yourselves!
Gold versions?
Whenever a new character
is imported into the game,
the AI creates a gold copy.
A faster, stronger,
more powerful version of you.
Legend has it that if you beat
your gold version in battle,
you'll be rewarded with a magic key
which will teleport you back
to the real world.
But nobody has ever--
YAKKO: Yeah, yeah, outta the way,
Jackass Monkey man.
Hey!
- [beeping]
- Sorry, sweetie,
but we're about 10 steps ahead of you!
[beeping]
This game world is all a little cliché.
[Warners laughing]
I'm not a cliché, am I?
Guys?
Beastwipe slam?
[whimpering]
[sobbing]
♪
ALL:
Whoa...
[clanging]
[police siren]
Oh, my gaudy!
[whirring]
♪
[rumbling]
[yelping]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Yakko versus Gold Yakko!
[grunts]
[8-bit jump]
[groans]
[back cracks]
Hey, the golden fellow
with the roguish charm?
I don't suppose
you'd prefer to settle this
Lincoln-Douglas debate style, would you?
They do say silence is golden.
[Dot groans]
I really can't stop, can I?
I think it's a coping mechanism.
[Dot groans]
[chomping]
♪ dramatic music ♪
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Three, two, one, bash!
[shouting]
[grunting]
[clanging]
[whooshing]
[zapping]
[intense whirring]
[screaming]
[muffled clang]
[cracking]
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
I think I broke a nail!
Oh wait. It's fine. I don't have nails!
♪
[whooshing]
[grunting]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
♪ triumphant music ♪
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
[clang]
Gold Yakko wins!
[groans] I wouldn't say he "won."
A split decision at best. [sighs]
[gasps, yelps]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Dot versus Gold Dot!
[whirring]
[clang]
Alright, Dot. Kill her with cuteness.
[sparkling]
Hiya!
[clanging]
Ha!
[gasps]
[grunting]
Hey! She's just copying me!
Sure, but we're just copying
the Marx Brothers,
so, you know, glass houses...
No. They're our mirrors!
[clang]
Whatever we do, they do, too!
Watch!
[sparkling]
Mwah!
[sparkling]
[8-bit beeping]
[whooshing]
Huh?
[punches landing]
[screaming]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
Gold Dot wins!
♪
Alright, that's it!
Nobody hurts my sister!
Not even gold sister!
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Wakko versus Gold Wakko!
[grunts]
[8-bit beeping]
[zap]
[yelling]
[feet squeak]
[whoosh]
[crowd gasps]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
I'm sorry, tummy.
[stomach growling]
I know you've done so much for me,
but it was the only way!
♪
[boom]
[crowd gasps]
[boom]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
Wakko wins!
[sparkling]
[cracking]
[boom]
♪
[screaming]
[grunts]
Oh. That's all we have to do?
[bang]
[whirring]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Team bash!
Three, two, one, bash!
[screaming]
[thud]
[both struggling]
Okay. Feet frozen to the ground,
limbs heavy and sluggish,
unable to move freely.
Either Ralph is controlling us again,
or they've run out
of that sweet Hulu money
and can't afford to animate
the rest of this game!
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Player one has reentered the game!
Phew! I mean, sucks that Ralph
is controlling us again,
but, gotta tell you, I've grown quite fond
of that sweet Hulu dough-re-mi!
[beeping]
[screaming]
- [struggling]
- Hey! I was playing!
Sharing is caring! [grunts]
[Dot screaming, grunting]
[struggling]
[clicking, beeping]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Free-for-all mode activated!
All characters, bash!
RALPH: Huh?
Oh, another Easter egg.
Oh! I like eatin' eggs.
[video game beeping]
Hey! That's my personality!
[struggling]
[beeping, 8-bit sound effects]
Please! Help us!
[swiping, kicking]
And why would we do that?
Because you're player characters.
And that means you're heroes,
each and every one of you.
Whether you're a girl,
a monkey, or something else.
And you live to bash,
and you bash to live.
Oh, and also, if you get us outta here,
we promise to never make you
bash each other again.
Deal.
Aah!
[stomping]
Beastwipe slam!
[clang]
[screaming]
[screeching]
[grunts]
[sparkling]
[grunts]
Ha, ha!
[wind blowing]
[clanking]
[all yell]
[boom]
- Duh!
- Oh, I can't watch anymore!
Without popcorn.
[crunching]
[booming]
[crowd cheering]
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER:
Match!
[Luisa laughs]
[triumphant growling]
♪
[clang]
[cracking]
[boom]
♪
[clicking]
[Ralph grunting, yelling]
I know we said we wouldn't,
but one more game?
RALPH:
Ouch! Ow! Stop!
- [yelling continues]
- Ooh! My special move is ready!
BEASTWIPE:
Beastwipe slam!
[boom]
RALPH: Ow!
That's what you get for using my soaps!
♪ easy-listening music ♪
♪ marching band playing ♪
[laughter]
♪
[laughter]
[laughter]
♪ soothing music ♪
♪ hopeful music ♪
♪ soulful saxophone ♪
[knocking]
♪ music stops ♪
♪ comforting music ♪
♪ music ends ♪
♪