Animaniacs (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Episode #3.5 - full transcript
GOSSIP GIRL-TYPE NARRATOR:
Previously on Teeniacs...
♪ teen drama music ♪
Nice letterman jacket, Wakko.
See you at the big game tonight?
[belches]
[laughs]
Bro, she's totally into you.
Why didn't you say anything?
But we're only three weeks
into the school year,
and so much has changed already!
We moved to a small town.
We found a treasure map.
Our dad was blackmailed
by the guy who owns the marina.
Our best friend was possessed.
We proved the existence
of alternate haunted timelines--
[crash, tires screech]
And I finally got my learner's permit!
Who knew being in high school
would be so dramatic?
♪
DOT:
You thought I wouldn't find out?!
I'm going to reveal everything
about your plot
to turn us all into vampires
tonight at the big game!
That's no way to talk to... your mother.
♪ dramatic sting ♪
Ha! You haven't been my mother
since you faked your own death
so you could be elected mayor!
[gasps] How did you find that out?
I'm the editor of the school newspaper.
And I'm wearing a wire!
♪ dramatic sting ♪
And that's really useful
for the audience in a school
with this many unexplained mysteries.
♪ dramatic sting ♪
♪
RALPH:
Duh, this is the big game!
Against the big rivals!
Don't forget to do the touchdowns.
Coach, I feel funny.
Me, too.
And I can't stop counting like this.
[vampire-like]
One! Ah-ah-ah! Two! Ah-ah-ah!
Duh, that's just 'cause your body's
going through, uh...
Uh, what's it called? Duh...
Pewterby! Tooberty!
[rumbling]
Uh, computer-bee!
Uh, just...
Anyway, it's normal,
so don't worry about it.
[growling]
[screaming]
♪
[crowd cheering]
♪
Thanks for coming to help me
with this vampire problem,
Dot-From-Another-Timeline.
Thank you for performing the ritual
to summon me from the mirror dimension
with the Cornelius Gem.
DOT:
You got it mixed up.
I used the mirror gem to summon you
from the Cornelius dimension.
Remember? In the musical episode?
This primetime teen drama
has really gone off the rails.
It was supposed to be a re-imagining
of the timeless American classic
The Crucible.
Yeah, but then
we started chasing ratings.
Just like you're about to start
chasing some vampires.
Giddy-up!
[starts motorcycle]
[roaring]
[horse whinnies]
Time to raise the stakes!
♪ teen drama music ♪
♪ theme song playing ♪
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
♪ And ethnically diverse ♪
♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ You should see our new contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
♪ Mickey Spillane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
♪ Planet-eating warlords ♪
♪ Legion of Grimlox ♪
♪ Conquest of Earth lead by ♪
♪ Dire Commander Starbox ♪
♪ When he finds a planet
where beings are rife ♪
♪ We descend and consume
all the sentient life ♪
♪ When he sends the signal,
we start the invading ♪
♪ Until then, we're waiting,
we're waiting ♪
♪ We're waiting! ♪
♪
CINDY:
When a dog goes to a dog park,
you let it off the, uh, the leash,
and let it--
the dog run around.
Yeah, they run around, chasing each other.
They're kinda playing dog tag and...
[spacecraft beeping]
[laughs]
Dogs say hello by sniffing their butts
and farting at each other.
Hello. Bark, bark. Right back at you.
[barking]
Ooh!
♪
[gasps]
Can I have that?
[both struggle]
Hm... Ha!
[Cindy singing]
♪ Dogs are sweet ♪
♪ Dogs are free,
dogs are cute ♪
♪ And there's nothing you can do ♪
♪ To make me take that back ♪
♪ Dogs are sweet ♪
♪ Dogs are cute, dogs are furry,
and they are drooly ♪
[dog whining]
[giggles]
♪ I like dogs, I like dogs ♪
Thank you.
I love dogs!
[screaming]
[muffled screaming]
[dog grunting]
[screaming]
Don't chew him like that!
[weak groaning]
Chew on him like this.
[crunching]
[panting]
[struggling]
The rules to dog tag are...
[yelling]
dogs have to chase each other,
and then they all have to go
to the different side of yard,
and then do it all over again...
[beeping]
...until 10 times it has been done.
[barking]
[wind blowing]
[growling, snarling]
[laughs, panting]
[gasping]
[beeping]
♪
[screams, grimaces]
I think maybe I fell in some poop.
Huh?
But probably not, so that's okay.
[sighs]
[zapping]
[babbling]
[grunts]
[laughs]
[panting]
[groan, angry grunt]
[beeping]
[growls]
[soft laugh]
[beep, whirring]
♪
[crowd cheering]
[chains rattle]
[grunts]
[laughing]
[beeping]
[grunts]
[growls]
[grunting]
[yelling]
[aliens yell]
[barking]
[yelling, panting]
[screaming, grunt]
Hey, come back to the party, please.
[barking]
Fetch!
Ha! [grunting]
[scared groaning]
Excuse me. I said fetch, please.
Ha!
[grunts]
[growls]
[grunting]
[quiet clicking]
♪
[gasps]
[snarls]
[barking]
[growling]
[whining]
[dogs growling]
♪
[snickering]
[growling, barking]
[yelling]
[yelling]
[dog whines]
[snickering]
[dogs barking, whining]
[whining]
[beeping]
You're a good dog.
[whining]
[sighs]
There you are!
I missed you.
[grumbles]
You're safe now.
[growls]
♪
Hey! Your special outfit fell off.
[gasps, yells]
[wind blowing]
That's better. You're welcome.
[laughing]
♪
[yelps, gulps]
I'm the rat queen.
[wagon squeaking]
♪ We're waiting, we're waiting ♪
♪ We're waiting! ♪
[thunder]
♪ Pinky & The Brain theme ♪
[squeaking]
Gee, Brain.
What do you wanna do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ One is a genius ♪
♪ The other's insane ♪
♪ They're laboratory mice ♪
♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪
♪ They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
[wind blowing]
[sign creaking]
♪
[singing on radio]
♪ I love you a lot... ♪
LOCAL DJ: [on radio]
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
You're listening to WB-B-CHEAP,
the only station that blew
its entire musical licensing budget
on one song. [nervous laugh]
It's another icy cold morning.
[snoring, yelp]
Don't take my word for it!
Ask Pennsylvania Bill! Yes!
It's that special time of year
when we task a rodent
with predicting the weather.
It's Woodchuck Day!
And I know I say this
every Woodchuck Day, folks,
but if a prophesizing woodchuck
isn't a surefire sign of the end times,
I'm not sure what is!
Repent! Repent!
Repent now before it's too late!
Okay, folks. You know how this one goes.
- [snoring]
- Pinky! Pinky, wake up!
[grunting]
Oh, Brain.
I was having the most wonderful dream.
We were living in
an experimental research facility,
and the horrible genetic testing
had made one of us a genius
and the other insane.
That wasn't a dream, Pinky.
That's a pithy description
of our real-life antics.
[gasps]
Am I the genius?
[gasps]
Can my new name be Thinky?!
Just get up,
you slumbering saddle-goose.
It's Woodchuck Day!
We have a world to take over!
♪ polka music ♪
[kids laughing]
[crowd cheering]
PINKY: Okay, Brain, it's not that
I don't understand your plan because,
well, I am a genius after all,
but maybe we could go over it once more
to make sure that, um, you get it?
Third time wasn't the charm then,
was it, Pinky?
Oh, come on. It's Thinky now!
Pinky? Brain? I thought it was you!
Pinky, who is this rotund rodent,
and why does he know our names?
Hey now.
Don't tell me you don't remember
- your old lab-mate Egwind!
- Narf!
I was dissected alive in
a middle school science class?
- Poit!
- You transformed me
into a fearsome were-mouse,
causing me to be crushed
by heavy machinery?
- Zort!
- Zort. Exactly!
Oh, so good to see you guys!
Once again,
we shall be Pinky, the Brain,
and Egwi--
Fare thee well!
[crunch]
♪
[crowd cheering]
Listen closely this time, Pinky.
I have invented a "smart snowboard,"
secretly programed to carve the slopes
at the precise angles required
to cause a massive
avalanche over Pittsburgh.
Oh, but Brain,
hasn't Pittsburgh suffered enough?
- [grunts]
- No. You see, Pinky,
Pittsburgh is the location
of this year's G20 summit.
At the perfect moment,
this avalanche will trap
the world's preeminent heads of state
beneath an impenetrable layer of ice,
creating a power vacuum
in which I will seize
geopolitical control.
[choking]
[clicking]
♪
But, Brain, how are you
going to get people
to buy your snowboards? [gasps]
Please say we get to make our own coupons!
Two words. Woodchuck Day.
We shall rig the outcome
of today's ceremony,
ensuring that famed meteorological marmot
"Pennsylvania Bill" does see his shadow,
thus predicting another
six weeks of winter.
Posing as a "snow bro,"
I will sell my boards
to a fanatic consumer base
of alpine enthusiasts
made rabid by the prospect
of an extended ski season.
Look upon my steezy visage,
Pinky, and despair.
Do you mean you're finally into cosplay?
Oh, this year's Cartoon-Con
is going to be off... the... hook!
Who should I be?
The Iron Rodent? Pinky Quinn.
Wonder Womouse?!
Oh, ho. Yours is the most
crucial role of all, my friend.
Today, you shall become
Pinksylvania Bill!
[cute squeak]
♪
Hm...
Perfect. The likeness is uncanny!
Shouldn't I be more furry?
[squeaking]
We're already treading a fine line
with that side of the fanbase, Pinky.
[excited squeaking]
Just remember to say
that you can see your shadow.
Do you follow me?
Of course, I follow you, Brain.
A classic INFJ personality type
like me is a born follower.
Now, what were you saying
about a shadow, Brain?
Brain? Yoo-hoo!
[polka continues]
[applause, cheering]
Best get into character.
[stilted]
Shred, shred. Shredding the gnar.
Truly, I am stoked about gooey pow.
Nailing it.
[gasps]
Hear ye, hear ye!
On this February 2nd,
Pennsylvania Bill
has emerged from his burrow to announce
whether we can expect
six more weeks of winter
or an early spring.
Bill, can you see your shadow?
Okay. Think, Thinky.
Brain wants to sell snowboards,
so it should be cold,
which means there should be no sun,
and without sun...
I can't see my shadow!
An early spring, folks!
[cheering]
Early spring! Awesome!
[stilted]
I am amped to shoot the curl.
If in doubt, paddle out,
my bruhs and bruh-ettes!
♪
No, wait!
Don't buy from this layabout.
Bruh, you live by the board,
you die by the board, bruh.
Yeah? Well, you, uh...
- Oh, I wish I had a comeback for that.
- Oh, Brain,
I think I did it all wrong.
Indeed. Your main mistake
was applying logic
to a Germanic superstition
based on a soothsaying squirrel.
So, Thinky did a Stinky?
Hm. Yes.
I think we can safely revert
to your previous moniker, Pinky.
Come. We must return to the lab
and prepare for tomorrow night.
Why, Brain? What are we
gonna do tomorrow night?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the--
- [beep]
- ♪ I love you a lot... ♪
LOCAL DJ:
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
You're listening to WB-B-CHEAP,
the only station that blew
its entire musical licensing budget
on one song. [nervous laugh]
It's another icy cold morning.
[snoring, yelp]
Don't take my word for it!
Ask Pennsylvania Bill!
[snoring]
[faucet runs]
Yes! It's that
special time of year when we task a rodent
with predicting the weather.
It's Woodchuck Day!
You're playing yesterday's tape,
you provincial pancake turner.
[snoring]
Pinky! Pinky, wake up!
[honk]
[yelp]
Oh, Brain.
I was having the most wonderful dream.
We were living in an
experimental research facility,
and the horrible genetic testing--
Had one of us as a genius
and the other insane. I know.
Wow! Goosebumps, Brain! How did--
It's a pithy description of our...
real-life antics.
[gasps] Am I the genius?
♪ polka music ♪
Well, it's certainly starting
to feel like I'm going insane.
- Can my--
- No, you most definitely
cannot be called Thinky.
Once again, we shall
be Pinky, the Brain, and--
- Mind your...
- Ah!
Fare the well!
[crunch]
...step. Huh.
We're already treading a fine line
with that side of the fanbase, Pinky.
[excited squeaking]
Pinky, have you ever had déjà vu?
Oh no, Brain, definitely not.
But I do have the strangest feeling
you've asked me that exact question before
in circumstances
that were identical to this
at some undefined moment in the past,
which I can't be sure actually happened.
Poit!
Just remember to say
you can see your shadow, do you foll--
I-- No, wait.
That phrase caused issues last time.
Do... you... get... it?
Of course, I get "it," Brain.
I mean, really, what's not
to get about an evil clown
who lives in the sewer? Narf!
Now, what were you saying
about a shadow, Brain?
Brain?
I can't see my shadow!
An early spring, folks!
[crowd cheering]
Bruh, you live by the board,
you die by the board, bruh.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're...
The thing about surf culture is...
Oh, come on, Brain. You've had
all day to think of a comeback.
Where did I go wrong, Br--
Logic, Germanic superstition,
soothsaying squirrel, yada yada.
Come on, Pinky. Let's put today...
both todays behind us.
We must return to the lab
and prepare for--
- [beep]
- ♪ I love you a lot... ♪
LOCAL DJ: Rise and shine,
sleepyheads! You're listening to...
Same song, same local doomsayer,
same incompetent sidekick
hogging the blanket.
The circumstance in which
I find myself is rather like
that awful, repetitive
Bill Murray film, Pinky.
You know the one
with that surly protagonist
who somehow learns to
"change and grow as a character"
after an endless array
of monotonous scenes.
Bah! And to think
some people actually liked
Garfield: The Movie.
Pinky? Pinky!
[yelps, grunt]
Oh, Brain.
I was having the most--
It wasn't a dream,
you aren't the genius,
and I'm never going to refer
to you as Thinky.
Oh...
Sad narf.
Pinky, are you familiar
with George Santayana?
I think so, Brain,
but are we sure
Santa's first name is George?
He was a philosopher who stated,
"Those who cannot remember
the past are condemned to repeat it."
It seems the fates
have given me the chance
to relive this day over and over again.
If I can exploit this temporal loop
to learn from my past mistakes,
I can use trial and error
to successfully entomb
the world's leaders beneath an avalanche
and finally take over the world!
[radio song playing]
Repeat after me. I can see my shadow.
I can see my shadow.
I can-- Narf! See my shadow.
He can not see his shadow.
[crowd cheering]
Bruh, you live by the board...
[beep]
LOCAL DJ: Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
Fare thee...
You'll say, "There is my shadow." There!
Where is my shadow? Where?
[cheering]
...you die by the board, bruh.
[beep]
LOCAL DJ: Rise and shine--
...well!
Just say "yes."
No.
Bruh...
♪
- [squeaking]
- Very well, Pinky.
Your continued incompetence has forced me
to do something I never wanted to do.
[pop]
[gasps] Oh,
it's Pennsyl-Brain-ia Bill!
[unzipping, thud]
Just attend the snowboard stall
and give a barely coherent sales pitch
about how unreasonably excited you are
by the prospect of frozen precipitation.
Hear ye, hear ye!
On this February 2nd,
Pennsylvania Bill emerged--
Let's cut straight to the point,
shall we? The answer is yes.
I can see my shadow.
No ifs, buts, or misheard narfs about it.
Six more weeks of winter.
I, Pennsylvania Bill, have spoken!
[crowd cheering]
[change clattering]
It's working. At last!
You! Polyurethane jockey!
[confused laugh]
You live by the board,
you die by the board! Ha!
- Bruh...
- Got him.
♪
Go forth, you fools.
Shred! Carve!
[beep]
Stalefish to your fickle heart's content!
[whirring]
Little do you know,
each 540 Backside McTwist
brings you closer to your doom!
[crackling, rumbling]
[both laugh]
[gasps]
♪
[rumbling]
[rumbling]
Ugh. And I won in a landslide.
- The irony is palpable.
- Madam President, on me now!
Pinky, mark today down in your diary.
Why, Brain?
What's so special about today?
And who's Mark?
Quiet. Don't ruin the moment.
We are finally
taking over the world!
[evil laughter]
♪
♪
Previously on Teeniacs...
♪ teen drama music ♪
Nice letterman jacket, Wakko.
See you at the big game tonight?
[belches]
[laughs]
Bro, she's totally into you.
Why didn't you say anything?
But we're only three weeks
into the school year,
and so much has changed already!
We moved to a small town.
We found a treasure map.
Our dad was blackmailed
by the guy who owns the marina.
Our best friend was possessed.
We proved the existence
of alternate haunted timelines--
[crash, tires screech]
And I finally got my learner's permit!
Who knew being in high school
would be so dramatic?
♪
DOT:
You thought I wouldn't find out?!
I'm going to reveal everything
about your plot
to turn us all into vampires
tonight at the big game!
That's no way to talk to... your mother.
♪ dramatic sting ♪
Ha! You haven't been my mother
since you faked your own death
so you could be elected mayor!
[gasps] How did you find that out?
I'm the editor of the school newspaper.
And I'm wearing a wire!
♪ dramatic sting ♪
And that's really useful
for the audience in a school
with this many unexplained mysteries.
♪ dramatic sting ♪
♪
RALPH:
Duh, this is the big game!
Against the big rivals!
Don't forget to do the touchdowns.
Coach, I feel funny.
Me, too.
And I can't stop counting like this.
[vampire-like]
One! Ah-ah-ah! Two! Ah-ah-ah!
Duh, that's just 'cause your body's
going through, uh...
Uh, what's it called? Duh...
Pewterby! Tooberty!
[rumbling]
Uh, computer-bee!
Uh, just...
Anyway, it's normal,
so don't worry about it.
[growling]
[screaming]
♪
[crowd cheering]
♪
Thanks for coming to help me
with this vampire problem,
Dot-From-Another-Timeline.
Thank you for performing the ritual
to summon me from the mirror dimension
with the Cornelius Gem.
DOT:
You got it mixed up.
I used the mirror gem to summon you
from the Cornelius dimension.
Remember? In the musical episode?
This primetime teen drama
has really gone off the rails.
It was supposed to be a re-imagining
of the timeless American classic
The Crucible.
Yeah, but then
we started chasing ratings.
Just like you're about to start
chasing some vampires.
Giddy-up!
[starts motorcycle]
[roaring]
[horse whinnies]
Time to raise the stakes!
♪ teen drama music ♪
♪ theme song playing ♪
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
♪ And ethnically diverse ♪
♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ You should see our new contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
♪ Mickey Spillane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
♪ Planet-eating warlords ♪
♪ Legion of Grimlox ♪
♪ Conquest of Earth lead by ♪
♪ Dire Commander Starbox ♪
♪ When he finds a planet
where beings are rife ♪
♪ We descend and consume
all the sentient life ♪
♪ When he sends the signal,
we start the invading ♪
♪ Until then, we're waiting,
we're waiting ♪
♪ We're waiting! ♪
♪
CINDY:
When a dog goes to a dog park,
you let it off the, uh, the leash,
and let it--
the dog run around.
Yeah, they run around, chasing each other.
They're kinda playing dog tag and...
[spacecraft beeping]
[laughs]
Dogs say hello by sniffing their butts
and farting at each other.
Hello. Bark, bark. Right back at you.
[barking]
Ooh!
♪
[gasps]
Can I have that?
[both struggle]
Hm... Ha!
[Cindy singing]
♪ Dogs are sweet ♪
♪ Dogs are free,
dogs are cute ♪
♪ And there's nothing you can do ♪
♪ To make me take that back ♪
♪ Dogs are sweet ♪
♪ Dogs are cute, dogs are furry,
and they are drooly ♪
[dog whining]
[giggles]
♪ I like dogs, I like dogs ♪
Thank you.
I love dogs!
[screaming]
[muffled screaming]
[dog grunting]
[screaming]
Don't chew him like that!
[weak groaning]
Chew on him like this.
[crunching]
[panting]
[struggling]
The rules to dog tag are...
[yelling]
dogs have to chase each other,
and then they all have to go
to the different side of yard,
and then do it all over again...
[beeping]
...until 10 times it has been done.
[barking]
[wind blowing]
[growling, snarling]
[laughs, panting]
[gasping]
[beeping]
♪
[screams, grimaces]
I think maybe I fell in some poop.
Huh?
But probably not, so that's okay.
[sighs]
[zapping]
[babbling]
[grunts]
[laughs]
[panting]
[groan, angry grunt]
[beeping]
[growls]
[soft laugh]
[beep, whirring]
♪
[crowd cheering]
[chains rattle]
[grunts]
[laughing]
[beeping]
[grunts]
[growls]
[grunting]
[yelling]
[aliens yell]
[barking]
[yelling, panting]
[screaming, grunt]
Hey, come back to the party, please.
[barking]
Fetch!
Ha! [grunting]
[scared groaning]
Excuse me. I said fetch, please.
Ha!
[grunts]
[growls]
[grunting]
[quiet clicking]
♪
[gasps]
[snarls]
[barking]
[growling]
[whining]
[dogs growling]
♪
[snickering]
[growling, barking]
[yelling]
[yelling]
[dog whines]
[snickering]
[dogs barking, whining]
[whining]
[beeping]
You're a good dog.
[whining]
[sighs]
There you are!
I missed you.
[grumbles]
You're safe now.
[growls]
♪
Hey! Your special outfit fell off.
[gasps, yells]
[wind blowing]
That's better. You're welcome.
[laughing]
♪
[yelps, gulps]
I'm the rat queen.
[wagon squeaking]
♪ We're waiting, we're waiting ♪
♪ We're waiting! ♪
[thunder]
♪ Pinky & The Brain theme ♪
[squeaking]
Gee, Brain.
What do you wanna do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ One is a genius ♪
♪ The other's insane ♪
♪ They're laboratory mice ♪
♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪
♪ They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
[wind blowing]
[sign creaking]
♪
[singing on radio]
♪ I love you a lot... ♪
LOCAL DJ: [on radio]
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
You're listening to WB-B-CHEAP,
the only station that blew
its entire musical licensing budget
on one song. [nervous laugh]
It's another icy cold morning.
[snoring, yelp]
Don't take my word for it!
Ask Pennsylvania Bill! Yes!
It's that special time of year
when we task a rodent
with predicting the weather.
It's Woodchuck Day!
And I know I say this
every Woodchuck Day, folks,
but if a prophesizing woodchuck
isn't a surefire sign of the end times,
I'm not sure what is!
Repent! Repent!
Repent now before it's too late!
Okay, folks. You know how this one goes.
- [snoring]
- Pinky! Pinky, wake up!
[grunting]
Oh, Brain.
I was having the most wonderful dream.
We were living in
an experimental research facility,
and the horrible genetic testing
had made one of us a genius
and the other insane.
That wasn't a dream, Pinky.
That's a pithy description
of our real-life antics.
[gasps]
Am I the genius?
[gasps]
Can my new name be Thinky?!
Just get up,
you slumbering saddle-goose.
It's Woodchuck Day!
We have a world to take over!
♪ polka music ♪
[kids laughing]
[crowd cheering]
PINKY: Okay, Brain, it's not that
I don't understand your plan because,
well, I am a genius after all,
but maybe we could go over it once more
to make sure that, um, you get it?
Third time wasn't the charm then,
was it, Pinky?
Oh, come on. It's Thinky now!
Pinky? Brain? I thought it was you!
Pinky, who is this rotund rodent,
and why does he know our names?
Hey now.
Don't tell me you don't remember
- your old lab-mate Egwind!
- Narf!
I was dissected alive in
a middle school science class?
- Poit!
- You transformed me
into a fearsome were-mouse,
causing me to be crushed
by heavy machinery?
- Zort!
- Zort. Exactly!
Oh, so good to see you guys!
Once again,
we shall be Pinky, the Brain,
and Egwi--
Fare thee well!
[crunch]
♪
[crowd cheering]
Listen closely this time, Pinky.
I have invented a "smart snowboard,"
secretly programed to carve the slopes
at the precise angles required
to cause a massive
avalanche over Pittsburgh.
Oh, but Brain,
hasn't Pittsburgh suffered enough?
- [grunts]
- No. You see, Pinky,
Pittsburgh is the location
of this year's G20 summit.
At the perfect moment,
this avalanche will trap
the world's preeminent heads of state
beneath an impenetrable layer of ice,
creating a power vacuum
in which I will seize
geopolitical control.
[choking]
[clicking]
♪
But, Brain, how are you
going to get people
to buy your snowboards? [gasps]
Please say we get to make our own coupons!
Two words. Woodchuck Day.
We shall rig the outcome
of today's ceremony,
ensuring that famed meteorological marmot
"Pennsylvania Bill" does see his shadow,
thus predicting another
six weeks of winter.
Posing as a "snow bro,"
I will sell my boards
to a fanatic consumer base
of alpine enthusiasts
made rabid by the prospect
of an extended ski season.
Look upon my steezy visage,
Pinky, and despair.
Do you mean you're finally into cosplay?
Oh, this year's Cartoon-Con
is going to be off... the... hook!
Who should I be?
The Iron Rodent? Pinky Quinn.
Wonder Womouse?!
Oh, ho. Yours is the most
crucial role of all, my friend.
Today, you shall become
Pinksylvania Bill!
[cute squeak]
♪
Hm...
Perfect. The likeness is uncanny!
Shouldn't I be more furry?
[squeaking]
We're already treading a fine line
with that side of the fanbase, Pinky.
[excited squeaking]
Just remember to say
that you can see your shadow.
Do you follow me?
Of course, I follow you, Brain.
A classic INFJ personality type
like me is a born follower.
Now, what were you saying
about a shadow, Brain?
Brain? Yoo-hoo!
[polka continues]
[applause, cheering]
Best get into character.
[stilted]
Shred, shred. Shredding the gnar.
Truly, I am stoked about gooey pow.
Nailing it.
[gasps]
Hear ye, hear ye!
On this February 2nd,
Pennsylvania Bill
has emerged from his burrow to announce
whether we can expect
six more weeks of winter
or an early spring.
Bill, can you see your shadow?
Okay. Think, Thinky.
Brain wants to sell snowboards,
so it should be cold,
which means there should be no sun,
and without sun...
I can't see my shadow!
An early spring, folks!
[cheering]
Early spring! Awesome!
[stilted]
I am amped to shoot the curl.
If in doubt, paddle out,
my bruhs and bruh-ettes!
♪
No, wait!
Don't buy from this layabout.
Bruh, you live by the board,
you die by the board, bruh.
Yeah? Well, you, uh...
- Oh, I wish I had a comeback for that.
- Oh, Brain,
I think I did it all wrong.
Indeed. Your main mistake
was applying logic
to a Germanic superstition
based on a soothsaying squirrel.
So, Thinky did a Stinky?
Hm. Yes.
I think we can safely revert
to your previous moniker, Pinky.
Come. We must return to the lab
and prepare for tomorrow night.
Why, Brain? What are we
gonna do tomorrow night?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the--
- [beep]
- ♪ I love you a lot... ♪
LOCAL DJ:
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
You're listening to WB-B-CHEAP,
the only station that blew
its entire musical licensing budget
on one song. [nervous laugh]
It's another icy cold morning.
[snoring, yelp]
Don't take my word for it!
Ask Pennsylvania Bill!
[snoring]
[faucet runs]
Yes! It's that
special time of year when we task a rodent
with predicting the weather.
It's Woodchuck Day!
You're playing yesterday's tape,
you provincial pancake turner.
[snoring]
Pinky! Pinky, wake up!
[honk]
[yelp]
Oh, Brain.
I was having the most wonderful dream.
We were living in an
experimental research facility,
and the horrible genetic testing--
Had one of us as a genius
and the other insane. I know.
Wow! Goosebumps, Brain! How did--
It's a pithy description of our...
real-life antics.
[gasps] Am I the genius?
♪ polka music ♪
Well, it's certainly starting
to feel like I'm going insane.
- Can my--
- No, you most definitely
cannot be called Thinky.
Once again, we shall
be Pinky, the Brain, and--
- Mind your...
- Ah!
Fare the well!
[crunch]
...step. Huh.
We're already treading a fine line
with that side of the fanbase, Pinky.
[excited squeaking]
Pinky, have you ever had déjà vu?
Oh no, Brain, definitely not.
But I do have the strangest feeling
you've asked me that exact question before
in circumstances
that were identical to this
at some undefined moment in the past,
which I can't be sure actually happened.
Poit!
Just remember to say
you can see your shadow, do you foll--
I-- No, wait.
That phrase caused issues last time.
Do... you... get... it?
Of course, I get "it," Brain.
I mean, really, what's not
to get about an evil clown
who lives in the sewer? Narf!
Now, what were you saying
about a shadow, Brain?
Brain?
I can't see my shadow!
An early spring, folks!
[crowd cheering]
Bruh, you live by the board,
you die by the board, bruh.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're...
The thing about surf culture is...
Oh, come on, Brain. You've had
all day to think of a comeback.
Where did I go wrong, Br--
Logic, Germanic superstition,
soothsaying squirrel, yada yada.
Come on, Pinky. Let's put today...
both todays behind us.
We must return to the lab
and prepare for--
- [beep]
- ♪ I love you a lot... ♪
LOCAL DJ: Rise and shine,
sleepyheads! You're listening to...
Same song, same local doomsayer,
same incompetent sidekick
hogging the blanket.
The circumstance in which
I find myself is rather like
that awful, repetitive
Bill Murray film, Pinky.
You know the one
with that surly protagonist
who somehow learns to
"change and grow as a character"
after an endless array
of monotonous scenes.
Bah! And to think
some people actually liked
Garfield: The Movie.
Pinky? Pinky!
[yelps, grunt]
Oh, Brain.
I was having the most--
It wasn't a dream,
you aren't the genius,
and I'm never going to refer
to you as Thinky.
Oh...
Sad narf.
Pinky, are you familiar
with George Santayana?
I think so, Brain,
but are we sure
Santa's first name is George?
He was a philosopher who stated,
"Those who cannot remember
the past are condemned to repeat it."
It seems the fates
have given me the chance
to relive this day over and over again.
If I can exploit this temporal loop
to learn from my past mistakes,
I can use trial and error
to successfully entomb
the world's leaders beneath an avalanche
and finally take over the world!
[radio song playing]
Repeat after me. I can see my shadow.
I can see my shadow.
I can-- Narf! See my shadow.
He can not see his shadow.
[crowd cheering]
Bruh, you live by the board...
[beep]
LOCAL DJ: Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
Fare thee...
You'll say, "There is my shadow." There!
Where is my shadow? Where?
[cheering]
...you die by the board, bruh.
[beep]
LOCAL DJ: Rise and shine--
...well!
Just say "yes."
No.
Bruh...
♪
- [squeaking]
- Very well, Pinky.
Your continued incompetence has forced me
to do something I never wanted to do.
[pop]
[gasps] Oh,
it's Pennsyl-Brain-ia Bill!
[unzipping, thud]
Just attend the snowboard stall
and give a barely coherent sales pitch
about how unreasonably excited you are
by the prospect of frozen precipitation.
Hear ye, hear ye!
On this February 2nd,
Pennsylvania Bill emerged--
Let's cut straight to the point,
shall we? The answer is yes.
I can see my shadow.
No ifs, buts, or misheard narfs about it.
Six more weeks of winter.
I, Pennsylvania Bill, have spoken!
[crowd cheering]
[change clattering]
It's working. At last!
You! Polyurethane jockey!
[confused laugh]
You live by the board,
you die by the board! Ha!
- Bruh...
- Got him.
♪
Go forth, you fools.
Shred! Carve!
[beep]
Stalefish to your fickle heart's content!
[whirring]
Little do you know,
each 540 Backside McTwist
brings you closer to your doom!
[crackling, rumbling]
[both laugh]
[gasps]
♪
[rumbling]
[rumbling]
Ugh. And I won in a landslide.
- The irony is palpable.
- Madam President, on me now!
Pinky, mark today down in your diary.
Why, Brain?
What's so special about today?
And who's Mark?
Quiet. Don't ruin the moment.
We are finally
taking over the world!
[evil laughter]
♪
♪