Animaniacs (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Episode #3.4 - full transcript
[birds chirping]
NARRATOR: It began many ages ago.
Burbankshire was a peaceful world,
filled with birdsong
and quiet contemplation.
[thunder]
But, unbeknownst to all,
a ruthless wizard
had amassed great power.
[zap]
[horse whinnying, goat braying]
[fire crackling]
[people screaming]
And yet, he desired more.
[zap]
[rumbling, crumbling]
[zapping]
[whirring]
♪
[whirring]
[growling, snarling]
The wizard conjured three abominations
to serve him.
He gave them each a magical garment
to conceal their true nature.
[cheering]
The wizard was accustomed
to blind obedience.
[rattling, poof]
PINKY: Narf!
[flies buzzing]
[bleats]
Oh!
NARRATOR: And yet these creatures
were possessed of a wilder spirit
than he had bargained for.
[blink]
[laughter]
[neighing]
Mm...
[whinnying]
[bottles smashing]
[Pinky gasps]
[neighing]
NARRATOR: The wizard
tried to bring his creations to heel.
But he proved no match for
their brazen, irreverent power.
♪
And so, he was forced to flee.
Ah!
[loud belch]
No!
I've got him!
I've got him! I've got him!
[yelling, grunts]
- [grunting]
- Come, Pinky.
We must return to our sorcerer's sanctum
and prepare for--
[both grunt]
[chain rattling]
[both groan]
[heavy footsteps]
Phew! That was easy.
Now, all we have to worry about
is that All-Seeing Eye.
- Where?
- There.
Do they watch us
when we go to the bathroom?
Weirdos!
♪ theme song playing ♪
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
♪ And ethnically diverse ♪
♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ You should see our new contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
♪ HOV Lane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
[whistling]
Tickets, check.
Award speech, check.
Now, for ze rideshare!
[beeping]
Ooh! Tonight's ze big night, Otto.
Zey don't just give out
ze Top 38 Best Psychiatrists
in Southwest Burbank
to anyone, you know?
Ooh!
[beep]
Time to go.
[door opens, shuts]
Otto Von... Scratchansniff?
- Zat is me!
- Oh. I get it. Ha.
Ve are going downtown! [laughs]
You see, I am accepting zis big award...
[tires screeching]
[thud]
Vhy are ve shtopping?
You selected the carpool option,
so we have to make a few stops on the way.
No, zat is a mistake!
Only total veirdos choose
the carpool option.
- Scratchy!
- Ah!
Yakko? No, no, no, please.
I have a very important
engagement to get to.
[laughs] You and me both, pal.
I've got yodeling practice
with my "Yodelahye-crew."
Here's a little taste.
No, no, no.
I need to rehearse mein shpeech--
♪ loud yodeling ♪
♪ yodeling ♪
Nein! Ze ceremony starts in 30 minutes!
- Who are we picking up now?
- Hi!
Ah! Vakko! Vhere are you going?
- Hot dog eating contest at the pier.
- Ze pier?
B-b-but zat is in ze opposite direction!
Not for me, it isn't.
[tires screech]
Oh, come on! Let me guess.
- Hi!
- Ah!
I need to take Tom Holland
to the spider vet
for his annual checkup.
DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF:
Vhy didn't you all just drive together?
We are driving togezer.
- No, no, no. In your own car.
- We don't have a car.
- I'm too old to drive.
- You know what I mean!
Don't vorry, Otto.
There's still plenty of time,
as long as we don't make any more stops.
[growling]
- Uh-oh.
- "Uh-oh"? Vhat is "uh-oh"?
Did ve break down?
No, that was my tummy.
[animal-like roar]
I fasted all day
for the hot dog contest,
but I need a little snack to tide me over.
Ja, vell, you vill have to wait.
But I can't wait! I'm starving!
EMPLOYEE: [on speaker]
Hi. Can I take your order?
Yes. I'll just have...
two cheeseburgers, a large fry,
a small fry, three cheeseburgers,
chicken nuggies, chicken tendies,
four cheeseburgers--
Nein!
Oh, okay. Nine cheeseburgers--
DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF: No, no, no, no!
- Nein vith ze more burgers, Vakko!
- Got it.
Eighteen cheeseburgers,
seven medium fries,
a red soda, a yellow soda,
and an orange soda.
And don't mix them up!
[grunting, giggles]
- Yay!
- Zere! Are you happy now?
No! They forgot my chicken tendies!
Look, look, look,
zey are right here, Vakko!
Those are chicken nuggies!
I can't eat the nuggies
without the tendies!
- We have to go back!
- Go back?
[fast ticking]
[slow ticking]
ANNOUNCER: [on speaker]
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Psychiatry Awards are about to begin.
Please self-actualize to your seats.
Absolutely not! Look at ze line!
[cars honking]
[prolonged gasp]
He's gonna blow!
Ah, no crying!
I just got this car cleaned.
[tires screech]
♪
[echoing whimper]
[wind blowing, leaves rustling]
[birds chirping]
[groans]
[sizzling]
[whining]
[loud eating]
[clocks ticking, ringing, cuckooing]
[whimpering]
[screaming]
Has anyone seen Tobey Maguire?
I thought his name was Tom Holland.
Oh. Well, I had two. I think.
♪
[human-like scream]
[driver screams]
Wait! Come back!
[clocks ticking]
[screams]
♪
[screams]
ANNOUNCER:
And now,
for the most important award
of the evening.
[applause]
♪
[beeping]
[whirring]
Oh vait, vait! Is zis expensive?
Stupidly expensive.
[sighs]
Look, just get me downtown
as soon as possible, ja?
Sure thing.
We'll have you there in no time.
Just have to make one quick stop.
Vhat!? No, no!
No, no, no, no!
[whirring]
♪
[horse whinnies]
[girl crying]
Hello, nice horsey.
[laughs] Well, actually, I'm a mule.
Now, the easiest way to tell is the ears.
You see, we have this kind of--
Uh, okay, okay. Can you please
just take me downtown?
[applause]
PRESENTER: Dr. Otto Von Scratchansniff!
♪ awards music ♪
Hello? Dr. Scratchansniff?
Sure thing. Just have
to make one quick stop's all.
Ah, you're having
a horsing around with me joke, ja?
More like mulin' around.
[both laugh]
[neighs]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[clang]
[siren blares]
♪
[tires screech]
[siren blares]
[stretcher squeaking]
[tires squeal]
[lisping]
Where are you taking me?
Oh, the hospital downtown.
We're almost there.
- We just have to make one quick stop.
- No!
[gasps]
Whoa!
Hey! Are you going
to the Wacky Stretcher Convention?
[screams]
And away we go.
[squeaking]
[panting]
[gasping]
[crowd cheering]
[panting yell]
[applause]
Oh dear. He didn't show up.
What does this mean
for my abandonment issues?
Ah! No! Vait! I am here!
[nervous laugh]
Thank you, esteemed colleagues, faculty.
[inhales]
[slurred] My name was Dr. Scratchansniff.
Ever since I vas doctor,
I vanted to be a young boy.
Oh no, vait, that's not right. [groans]
It is an honor to be one of
the top 38 biggest psychos in Burbank.
Oh no, no.
I mean, top 38 best thychos.
[mad laugh] Ooh.
♪
Oh! Ee-- Ah-- Ah!
[laughing]
[crowd gasps]
Tom Holland! Stop tickling me!
- [laughing]
- Well, he's clearly gone mad.
This is why people don't trust doctors.
- But your husband is a doctor.
- No, he's not.
He's a chiropractor.
But don't tell him that.
[haughty laughter]
[grunts] No! It's mine!
I won! [laughs]-- Oh no!
Give zat back! [crying]
I vorked so hard to get here!
[tires screech]
♪
Don't worry, Scratchy,
we'll take you home.
We just need to make one quick stop.
[mad laughing]
[hooting]
Look out!
Otto Von Shpider-friend coming through!
Lock me up
unt throw away ze key!
[laughing]
Poor Scratchy. He really lost his way.
Yeah, the hospital is over there.
I'll call him a rideshare.
♪
[thunder]
♪ Pinky & The Brain theme ♪
[squeaking]
Gee, Brain.
What do you wanna do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ One is a genius ♪
♪ The other's insane ♪
♪ They're laboratory mice ♪
♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪
♪ They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
[hawk screeches]
I'm so excited
for our desert getaway, Brain.
You know, deserts are just like beaches,
except with way more turquoise jewelry.
Cherish your naïveté, Pinky.
In the not-so-distant future,
you will not yearn for a desert getaway,
but to get away from the desert.
According to my calculations,
in exactly 64.36 years,
the entire world will become
a desert wasteland,
thanks to the irreversible
effects of climate change
and humanity's unquenchable thirst
for stealing miniature plastic
shampoo bottles from hotels.
Guilty! They're the perfect addition
to smoothies.
[squish]
[slurps] Poit!
Society will crumble,
and a new, strange civilization
will arise from the dust,
making the Hot Sand Festival
the perfect testing grounds.
A microcosm of our waterless future.
PINKY:
[gasps] Egad, Brain.
I feel like we're in the opening scene
of La La Land.
Right before Ryan Gosling invented jazz.
♪ Another Day of Sun-like riff ♪
[grunts]
♪
BRAIN: I must say,
coming to the Hot Sand Festival
was one of my finest ideas yet,
as it provides the perfect
testing ground for this.
[click, whirring]
[whirring]
♪
I love it, Brain!
What is it, Brain?
You see, Pinky, this marvelous invention
collects water in ambient sweat
and turns it into potable H2O.
[sucking]
Posing as yoga instructors,
you and I will teach hot yoga
to the festival attendees,
collecting thousands
of gallons of perspiration,
which I will hoard in anticipation
of our dry, arid future.
[screaming]
I shall wrest control of the world,
not by force,
but by becoming a benevolent dictator,
efficiently distributing
the scarce resource
that is water!
Isn't it brilliant, Pinky?
Pinky?
[distant yelling getting louder]
[crash]
[grunts, groans]
Need a little help?
Thanks! I owe you one.
Except I don't have any ones on me,
so I'll have to go to the ATM.
But since the smallest bills
they carry are 20s,
I'll need to make change somewhere.
And one final thing,
I don't have an ATM card per se.
Can I borrow yours?
[laughs] No, don't worry about it.
Name's Dexter. People call me Dexter.
I'm Pinky, but Brain just calls me
"walking biodegradable waste."
[laughs] Let me guess. Can I guess?
I'm good at guessing.
First time here, right?
Poit! Yes! How could you tell?
DEXTER:
The massive sunburn.
♪
[laughs] Come on,
let me show you around.
[clock ticking]
The Hot Sand Festival
is all about experimentation
and overcoming your inhibitions.
♪ electronica playing ♪
See this phoenix? I made it. Me.
[music continues, crowd cheering]
See that DJ? We're dating. Us.
Love you, babe.
See these guys? I don't get it,
but it looks like they're having fun.
[screams]
[thuds]
Egad! What an amazing place!
Yeah. This festival is like
our own little desert utopia.
Anybody can join, as long as
they pay the $500 for parking.
Only problem is
there's not that much... water.
[sizzling]
Water? [gasps]
Water reminds me of plants.
Which reminds me of the word "plan."
Which reminds me of meal planning.
Which reminds me of the time
I tried to get Brain to eat healthier.
Which reminds me of the Brain.
Which reminds me of--
[gasps] Brain's plan!
Oh, no! I'm late!
Thank you for the tour, Mr. Dexter!
No problem, pal. Whoa.
Have I been talking
to a mouse this whole time?
Man, I love this festival.
♪
♪ serene music ♪
BRAIN: Now, let us flow
from our side plank into a flying pigeon,
followed by our most dangerous pose yet.
Reverse hydration!
[whirring]
[sucking]
I need some water...
♪
Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?
I think so, Brain,
but if seven "ate" nine,
- did ten "jack" queen?
- No.
Look how much sweat
my generator has collected
from these New Age nitwits.
It's time for everyone to get a taste
of my new altruistic regime.
[clang]
Your attention, please.
I have in my possession
a sustainable supply of water,
which I am prepared to share
with... only those who deserve it.
[drip]
Now then, who do we think
is the most deserving
of the first ration of water?
Oh! Oh! I know!
Two-legged puppies
in special doggie wheelchairs! [sniffs]
They're so brave,
and they've overcome so much!
No. Perhaps the most
educated should go first.
Whomst-soever has a Ph. D.,
please step forward
and collect your allotment.
No. I said Ph. D.,
not free HDTV
or whatever it is you think you heard,
you sun-dried dilettantes.
Yeah, I heard you.
I have a doctorate in biomechanics, okay?
I'm a particle physicist.
And I invented these
self-ambulating stilts.
You mean to tell me
all the brightest minds in the country
congregate here
simply to fry their brains?
This festival gets us out of the lab
and into a more creative head space,
you know?
DEXTER: Speak for yourself, bro.
[all gasp]
I'm here building something
for the future. Something awesome.
Who the blazes are you?
Poit!
Oh, that's my friend Dexter, Brain.
Yes, I'm Dexter Trux,
CEO of Da Vinci Motors.
Technologist, futurist,
and non-self-made billionaire.
Behold my latest creation, the Hot Wing!
[rumbling]
I know what you're thinking.
It's just a really pretty awesome-looking
bird sculpture, right? Right?
- Right!
- It's fine. It's derivative.
Wrong. It's actually a rocket.
[car chirps]
According to my calculations,
in merely 64.36 years,
the world will become a desert wasteland.
But with my trusty Hot Wings,
I will be able to escape
from the ashes of this world,
and rise up again
by colonizing a new planet!
But the only thing I need for my journey
is a source of potable water.
[bubbling]
BRAIN: Oh, dear.
I think I know where this is going.
Hm. [chewing]
I don't
NARRATOR: It began many ages ago.
Burbankshire was a peaceful world,
filled with birdsong
and quiet contemplation.
[thunder]
But, unbeknownst to all,
a ruthless wizard
had amassed great power.
[zap]
[horse whinnying, goat braying]
[fire crackling]
[people screaming]
And yet, he desired more.
[zap]
[rumbling, crumbling]
[zapping]
[whirring]
♪
[whirring]
[growling, snarling]
The wizard conjured three abominations
to serve him.
He gave them each a magical garment
to conceal their true nature.
[cheering]
The wizard was accustomed
to blind obedience.
[rattling, poof]
PINKY: Narf!
[flies buzzing]
[bleats]
Oh!
NARRATOR: And yet these creatures
were possessed of a wilder spirit
than he had bargained for.
[blink]
[laughter]
[neighing]
Mm...
[whinnying]
[bottles smashing]
[Pinky gasps]
[neighing]
NARRATOR: The wizard
tried to bring his creations to heel.
But he proved no match for
their brazen, irreverent power.
♪
And so, he was forced to flee.
Ah!
[loud belch]
No!
I've got him!
I've got him! I've got him!
[yelling, grunts]
- [grunting]
- Come, Pinky.
We must return to our sorcerer's sanctum
and prepare for--
[both grunt]
[chain rattling]
[both groan]
[heavy footsteps]
Phew! That was easy.
Now, all we have to worry about
is that All-Seeing Eye.
- Where?
- There.
Do they watch us
when we go to the bathroom?
Weirdos!
♪ theme song playing ♪
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
♪ And ethnically diverse ♪
♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ You should see our new contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
♪ HOV Lane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
[whistling]
Tickets, check.
Award speech, check.
Now, for ze rideshare!
[beeping]
Ooh! Tonight's ze big night, Otto.
Zey don't just give out
ze Top 38 Best Psychiatrists
in Southwest Burbank
to anyone, you know?
Ooh!
[beep]
Time to go.
[door opens, shuts]
Otto Von... Scratchansniff?
- Zat is me!
- Oh. I get it. Ha.
Ve are going downtown! [laughs]
You see, I am accepting zis big award...
[tires screeching]
[thud]
Vhy are ve shtopping?
You selected the carpool option,
so we have to make a few stops on the way.
No, zat is a mistake!
Only total veirdos choose
the carpool option.
- Scratchy!
- Ah!
Yakko? No, no, no, please.
I have a very important
engagement to get to.
[laughs] You and me both, pal.
I've got yodeling practice
with my "Yodelahye-crew."
Here's a little taste.
No, no, no.
I need to rehearse mein shpeech--
♪ loud yodeling ♪
♪ yodeling ♪
Nein! Ze ceremony starts in 30 minutes!
- Who are we picking up now?
- Hi!
Ah! Vakko! Vhere are you going?
- Hot dog eating contest at the pier.
- Ze pier?
B-b-but zat is in ze opposite direction!
Not for me, it isn't.
[tires screech]
Oh, come on! Let me guess.
- Hi!
- Ah!
I need to take Tom Holland
to the spider vet
for his annual checkup.
DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF:
Vhy didn't you all just drive together?
We are driving togezer.
- No, no, no. In your own car.
- We don't have a car.
- I'm too old to drive.
- You know what I mean!
Don't vorry, Otto.
There's still plenty of time,
as long as we don't make any more stops.
[growling]
- Uh-oh.
- "Uh-oh"? Vhat is "uh-oh"?
Did ve break down?
No, that was my tummy.
[animal-like roar]
I fasted all day
for the hot dog contest,
but I need a little snack to tide me over.
Ja, vell, you vill have to wait.
But I can't wait! I'm starving!
EMPLOYEE: [on speaker]
Hi. Can I take your order?
Yes. I'll just have...
two cheeseburgers, a large fry,
a small fry, three cheeseburgers,
chicken nuggies, chicken tendies,
four cheeseburgers--
Nein!
Oh, okay. Nine cheeseburgers--
DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF: No, no, no, no!
- Nein vith ze more burgers, Vakko!
- Got it.
Eighteen cheeseburgers,
seven medium fries,
a red soda, a yellow soda,
and an orange soda.
And don't mix them up!
[grunting, giggles]
- Yay!
- Zere! Are you happy now?
No! They forgot my chicken tendies!
Look, look, look,
zey are right here, Vakko!
Those are chicken nuggies!
I can't eat the nuggies
without the tendies!
- We have to go back!
- Go back?
[fast ticking]
[slow ticking]
ANNOUNCER: [on speaker]
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Psychiatry Awards are about to begin.
Please self-actualize to your seats.
Absolutely not! Look at ze line!
[cars honking]
[prolonged gasp]
He's gonna blow!
Ah, no crying!
I just got this car cleaned.
[tires screech]
♪
[echoing whimper]
[wind blowing, leaves rustling]
[birds chirping]
[groans]
[sizzling]
[whining]
[loud eating]
[clocks ticking, ringing, cuckooing]
[whimpering]
[screaming]
Has anyone seen Tobey Maguire?
I thought his name was Tom Holland.
Oh. Well, I had two. I think.
♪
[human-like scream]
[driver screams]
Wait! Come back!
[clocks ticking]
[screams]
♪
[screams]
ANNOUNCER:
And now,
for the most important award
of the evening.
[applause]
♪
[beeping]
[whirring]
Oh vait, vait! Is zis expensive?
Stupidly expensive.
[sighs]
Look, just get me downtown
as soon as possible, ja?
Sure thing.
We'll have you there in no time.
Just have to make one quick stop.
Vhat!? No, no!
No, no, no, no!
[whirring]
♪
[horse whinnies]
[girl crying]
Hello, nice horsey.
[laughs] Well, actually, I'm a mule.
Now, the easiest way to tell is the ears.
You see, we have this kind of--
Uh, okay, okay. Can you please
just take me downtown?
[applause]
PRESENTER: Dr. Otto Von Scratchansniff!
♪ awards music ♪
Hello? Dr. Scratchansniff?
Sure thing. Just have
to make one quick stop's all.
Ah, you're having
a horsing around with me joke, ja?
More like mulin' around.
[both laugh]
[neighs]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[clang]
[siren blares]
♪
[tires screech]
[siren blares]
[stretcher squeaking]
[tires squeal]
[lisping]
Where are you taking me?
Oh, the hospital downtown.
We're almost there.
- We just have to make one quick stop.
- No!
[gasps]
Whoa!
Hey! Are you going
to the Wacky Stretcher Convention?
[screams]
And away we go.
[squeaking]
[panting]
[gasping]
[crowd cheering]
[panting yell]
[applause]
Oh dear. He didn't show up.
What does this mean
for my abandonment issues?
Ah! No! Vait! I am here!
[nervous laugh]
Thank you, esteemed colleagues, faculty.
[inhales]
[slurred] My name was Dr. Scratchansniff.
Ever since I vas doctor,
I vanted to be a young boy.
Oh no, vait, that's not right. [groans]
It is an honor to be one of
the top 38 biggest psychos in Burbank.
Oh no, no.
I mean, top 38 best thychos.
[mad laugh] Ooh.
♪
Oh! Ee-- Ah-- Ah!
[laughing]
[crowd gasps]
Tom Holland! Stop tickling me!
- [laughing]
- Well, he's clearly gone mad.
This is why people don't trust doctors.
- But your husband is a doctor.
- No, he's not.
He's a chiropractor.
But don't tell him that.
[haughty laughter]
[grunts] No! It's mine!
I won! [laughs]-- Oh no!
Give zat back! [crying]
I vorked so hard to get here!
[tires screech]
♪
Don't worry, Scratchy,
we'll take you home.
We just need to make one quick stop.
[mad laughing]
[hooting]
Look out!
Otto Von Shpider-friend coming through!
Lock me up
unt throw away ze key!
[laughing]
Poor Scratchy. He really lost his way.
Yeah, the hospital is over there.
I'll call him a rideshare.
♪
[thunder]
♪ Pinky & The Brain theme ♪
[squeaking]
Gee, Brain.
What do you wanna do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ One is a genius ♪
♪ The other's insane ♪
♪ They're laboratory mice ♪
♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪
♪ They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
[hawk screeches]
I'm so excited
for our desert getaway, Brain.
You know, deserts are just like beaches,
except with way more turquoise jewelry.
Cherish your naïveté, Pinky.
In the not-so-distant future,
you will not yearn for a desert getaway,
but to get away from the desert.
According to my calculations,
in exactly 64.36 years,
the entire world will become
a desert wasteland,
thanks to the irreversible
effects of climate change
and humanity's unquenchable thirst
for stealing miniature plastic
shampoo bottles from hotels.
Guilty! They're the perfect addition
to smoothies.
[squish]
[slurps] Poit!
Society will crumble,
and a new, strange civilization
will arise from the dust,
making the Hot Sand Festival
the perfect testing grounds.
A microcosm of our waterless future.
PINKY:
[gasps] Egad, Brain.
I feel like we're in the opening scene
of La La Land.
Right before Ryan Gosling invented jazz.
♪ Another Day of Sun-like riff ♪
[grunts]
♪
BRAIN: I must say,
coming to the Hot Sand Festival
was one of my finest ideas yet,
as it provides the perfect
testing ground for this.
[click, whirring]
[whirring]
♪
I love it, Brain!
What is it, Brain?
You see, Pinky, this marvelous invention
collects water in ambient sweat
and turns it into potable H2O.
[sucking]
Posing as yoga instructors,
you and I will teach hot yoga
to the festival attendees,
collecting thousands
of gallons of perspiration,
which I will hoard in anticipation
of our dry, arid future.
[screaming]
I shall wrest control of the world,
not by force,
but by becoming a benevolent dictator,
efficiently distributing
the scarce resource
that is water!
Isn't it brilliant, Pinky?
Pinky?
[distant yelling getting louder]
[crash]
[grunts, groans]
Need a little help?
Thanks! I owe you one.
Except I don't have any ones on me,
so I'll have to go to the ATM.
But since the smallest bills
they carry are 20s,
I'll need to make change somewhere.
And one final thing,
I don't have an ATM card per se.
Can I borrow yours?
[laughs] No, don't worry about it.
Name's Dexter. People call me Dexter.
I'm Pinky, but Brain just calls me
"walking biodegradable waste."
[laughs] Let me guess. Can I guess?
I'm good at guessing.
First time here, right?
Poit! Yes! How could you tell?
DEXTER:
The massive sunburn.
♪
[laughs] Come on,
let me show you around.
[clock ticking]
The Hot Sand Festival
is all about experimentation
and overcoming your inhibitions.
♪ electronica playing ♪
See this phoenix? I made it. Me.
[music continues, crowd cheering]
See that DJ? We're dating. Us.
Love you, babe.
See these guys? I don't get it,
but it looks like they're having fun.
[screams]
[thuds]
Egad! What an amazing place!
Yeah. This festival is like
our own little desert utopia.
Anybody can join, as long as
they pay the $500 for parking.
Only problem is
there's not that much... water.
[sizzling]
Water? [gasps]
Water reminds me of plants.
Which reminds me of the word "plan."
Which reminds me of meal planning.
Which reminds me of the time
I tried to get Brain to eat healthier.
Which reminds me of the Brain.
Which reminds me of--
[gasps] Brain's plan!
Oh, no! I'm late!
Thank you for the tour, Mr. Dexter!
No problem, pal. Whoa.
Have I been talking
to a mouse this whole time?
Man, I love this festival.
♪
♪ serene music ♪
BRAIN: Now, let us flow
from our side plank into a flying pigeon,
followed by our most dangerous pose yet.
Reverse hydration!
[whirring]
[sucking]
I need some water...
♪
Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?
I think so, Brain,
but if seven "ate" nine,
- did ten "jack" queen?
- No.
Look how much sweat
my generator has collected
from these New Age nitwits.
It's time for everyone to get a taste
of my new altruistic regime.
[clang]
Your attention, please.
I have in my possession
a sustainable supply of water,
which I am prepared to share
with... only those who deserve it.
[drip]
Now then, who do we think
is the most deserving
of the first ration of water?
Oh! Oh! I know!
Two-legged puppies
in special doggie wheelchairs! [sniffs]
They're so brave,
and they've overcome so much!
No. Perhaps the most
educated should go first.
Whomst-soever has a Ph. D.,
please step forward
and collect your allotment.
No. I said Ph. D.,
not free HDTV
or whatever it is you think you heard,
you sun-dried dilettantes.
Yeah, I heard you.
I have a doctorate in biomechanics, okay?
I'm a particle physicist.
And I invented these
self-ambulating stilts.
You mean to tell me
all the brightest minds in the country
congregate here
simply to fry their brains?
This festival gets us out of the lab
and into a more creative head space,
you know?
DEXTER: Speak for yourself, bro.
[all gasp]
I'm here building something
for the future. Something awesome.
Who the blazes are you?
Poit!
Oh, that's my friend Dexter, Brain.
Yes, I'm Dexter Trux,
CEO of Da Vinci Motors.
Technologist, futurist,
and non-self-made billionaire.
Behold my latest creation, the Hot Wing!
[rumbling]
I know what you're thinking.
It's just a really pretty awesome-looking
bird sculpture, right? Right?
- Right!
- It's fine. It's derivative.
Wrong. It's actually a rocket.
[car chirps]
According to my calculations,
in merely 64.36 years,
the world will become a desert wasteland.
But with my trusty Hot Wings,
I will be able to escape
from the ashes of this world,
and rise up again
by colonizing a new planet!
But the only thing I need for my journey
is a source of potable water.
[bubbling]
BRAIN: Oh, dear.
I think I know where this is going.
Hm. [chewing]
I don't