Animaniacs (1993–1998): Season 5, Episode 8 - The Christmas Tree/Punchline: Part I/Prom Night/Punchline: Part II - full transcript
Slappy Squirrel awakens to find that her tree house is now "The Christmas Tree" at "Rockyfellow" Center. Then, in "Punchline (Chicken Part 1)," the entire cast of "Animaniacs" appears on the television news program "Punchline."
[SINGING]
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ -Come join the Warner brothers ♪
♪ -And the Warner sister, Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun we run around ♪
♪ The Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower ♪
♪ Whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose ♪
♪ And now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ We pay tons of income tax ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Meet Ralph and Dr. Scratch an sniff ♪
♪ Say hi to Hello, Nurse ♪
♪ Good feathers flock together ♪
♪ Slappy whacks them with her purse ♪
♪ Buttons chases Mindy ♪
♪ While Rita sings a verse ♪
♪ The writers flipped, we have no script ♪
♪ Why bother to rehearse? ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ We have pay-or-play contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max ♪
♪ There's bologna in our slacks ♪
♪ We're Animan-y ♪
♪ Totally insane-y ♪
♪ Candy cane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs ♪
♪ Those are the facts ♪
That's the one there.
Awesome, eh?
LOU:
Timber!
MORRIS:
A little lower. A bit to the right.
Now, just a smidgen to the left.
There. Perfect.
All right, people,
let's break out those decorations.
We have a schedule to keep.
Oh, the tree is decorated.
The musicians are ready,
the carolers are set.
[HUMMING
"GOD REST YE MERRY, GENTLEMEN"]
All systems are go.
Okay, ready camera two.
And three, two, one, we're live.
Good evening, New York.
Almond Rocha here, with Katey Cupcake.
And welcome to the annual lighting
of the Christmas tree...
...at Rocky fellow Center.
[SINGING]
♪ O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum ♪
♪ Glorious to one and all ♪
-Everybody ready?
CROWD: Yeah!
Then let the Christmas season begin.
[CROWD GASPING]
[SLAPPY SNORING]
I'd like to thank the Academy, Jack Warner
and Joan Crawford's taxidermist.
[RINGS]
Snack time already?
[YAWNS]
Who knew? I am feeling a little peckish.
Better go dig up my stash of nuts
so I can get back to my beauty sleep.
Which so far has failed to yield
any visible results.
I ought to just hibernate
straight through winter...
...like Yogi and his pal tannith elden ringBobo...
...or Bahbah or whatever.
Now, where'd I stash those nuts?
Forty paces north.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
...seven, eight, nine, 10, 11...
MAN: Whoa!
.12, 13...
[HORNS HONKING]
.14, 15, 16, 17...
-...18, 19, 20, 21, 22...
-Crazy foreigners!
...23, 24, 25, 26, 27...
[CRASHING]
...28, 29, 30, 31...
...32, 33, 34, 35...
...36, 37, 38, 39 and 40.
And three paces to the left.
One, two, three.
[YAWNS]
This should be the spot.
[GASPING]
Hey, somebody stole my nuts.
What's this forest coming to?
Eh, I wasn't that hungry anyway.
[RUMBLING]
[HORNS HONKING]
[CRASHING]
[SKATERS YELLING]
[SINGING]
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
[SNORING]
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
Aunt Slappy.
Skippy, what are you doing up?
I can't sleep.
All the noise outside
is keeping me awake.
I'll take care of it.
CAROLERS [SINGING]:
♪ Hallelujah ♪
Yep, just as I thought.
It's that pack of wolves
baying at the moon again.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
ALL:
Aah!
That should quiet them down.
[SNORES]
SKIPPY:
Aunt Slappy.
-Ah, now what?
- I still can't sleep.
The lights outside my window
are too bright.
Must be those chipmunk neighbors.
They left their tiki lamps on again.
I'll go knock on their front door...
...or on their heads,
whichever comes first.
Hey, in there.
Put out those tiki lamps.
We're trying to get some sleep
around here.
[PANTING]
All right,
maybe this will get your attention.
There. Now, that's more like it.
Oh, brother.
-We're back in business.
-Ah.
Aunt Slappy, the lights are back on.
This is starting to turn
into a comedy routine.
Without the comedy.
For the love of Peter Potamus.
It finally happened.
Some no-good developer
demolished our forest...
...and put up buildings all around us.
That's awful.
I'll put a stop to this.
[SINGING]
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
Hey!
CAROLERS [SINGING]:
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
- ♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ MAN: Aah! ♪
CAROLERS [SINGING]:
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
- Hey, party's over. Everybody off.
♪ CAROLERS: Dashing through the snow ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
-Scram. Beat it.
CAROLERS: ♪ Laughing all the way ♪
-What are you doing?
-You too, buddy. Hit the road.
Aah! Mad squirrel! Mad squirrel!
- ♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
- MORRIS: Aah!
♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
Hey!
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way, aah! ♪
[SINGING]
♪ Now I'm going back to sleep ♪
♪ Don't wake me up till May, hey ♪
Somebody call ASCAP.
I'm a lyricist. Ha-ha!
You see, Skippy, sometimes all you need
to solve a problem is a little diplomacy.
But you whacked them
with your broom.
I said, sometimes,
I didn't say this time. Ha-ha-ha!
OFFICER: Okay, stay back.
Animal control will take it from here.
Are you sure you can handle this?
That squirrel may be rabid.
Uh, look, Mac, when it comes to pests,
we're professionals, okay?
This will only take a sec.
[YELLING AND CRASHING]
Forget it, pal. She's all yours.
-We'd better bring in the big guns.
-You mean the National Guard?
No, the lawyers.
[POUNDING]
Hey, John Henry,
what's with all the pounding?
You're being evicted.
You can't evict me.
I've lived in this forest for years.
Ha! Forest? Ha-ha-ha!
Lady, this is New York City.
New York City?
-Well, that explains the smell...
-Eurgh.
...but it still doesn't explain
how I got here.
It's simple, Miss Squirrel.
Your tree was chosen out of thousands...
...to stand here in Rocky fellow Center
at Christmastime...
-...and bring joy to all who see it.
-Hi.
All right, they've seen it.
Now put it back.
I'm sorry, Miss Squirrel.
I'm not authorized to do that.
-Then who is?
-I don't know.
The CEO of Rocky Fellow Center?
[RECEPTIONIST GASPS]
Hey, you can't go in there.
She's right, Skippy. You better wait here.
This could get ugly.
And so by our next board meeting
we plan to--
All right, which one of you clowns
is in charge here?
-I am! What's the meaning of this?
MAN: A squirrel?
Do you see that tree down there?
Yes. So?
So?
That's my home you shanghaied
from the forest.
And your point is?
I want it put back.
Hal Right.
[LAUGHING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Hey, how would you like it if somebody
moved your house without asking you?
Oh, well, since you put it that way,
I'll be happy to help you.
Out of my office!
SLAPPY:
Oof!
Are you okay, Aunt Slappy?
Ah, it's nothing that can't be fixed
with a little Bactine...
...and a nice healthy dose of revenge.
[SNORING]
[CRASHING]
[YAWNS]
[HORNS HONKING]
What's all that racket?
What? This can't be.
-What's going on here?
-Aah! Aah.
Hey, you,
what are you doing in my house?
-He-ho. Not exactly a cheery riser, are we?
-Huh?
Give me that.
What do you think you're doing?
What, are your eyes painted on?
I'm having a sandwich here.
MAN:
Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!
Hey, those plump when you cook them?
-Foot-long franks here!
-Get out of my house.
[GASPS]
Can you step out of the house, please?
I'm gonna have to write you up.
This is a no-parking zone.
That includes houses.
Come on, move it, you road hog!
You gonna eat that?
SLAPPY: Ha-ha-ha!
-Huh?
You know, you remind me
of a very young Huckleberry Hound.
-You.
-So how do you like your new address?
Okay, okay, I see your point. I give up.
Somehow I thought you might.
Now, why don't we make a little deal?
Ah, home sweet home.
I guess things worked out after all.
SLAPPY:
Yep. We got our tree back...
...and Rocky fellow Center still gets
to have its Christmas celebration.
[SINGING]
♪ O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum ♪
♪ Christmas tree, you rise so tall ♪
♪ O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum ♪
♪ Glorious to one and all ♪
-Hey, quiet down there!
-Ah...
We're trying to sleep.
And shut out those lights!
ANNOUNCER:
A chicken, a road, a crossing...
...and tonight, a question, "Why?"
This is Punchline.
Now your host, Ted Foppel.
The question "Why did the chicken cross
the road?" has been puzzling pundits...
...since the dawn of poultry.
But the answer to this most enigmatic
of riddles is just now coming to light.
Our first guest is noted criminologist,
Dr. Henry Peckaboo.
Dr. Peckaboo,
why did the chicken cross the road...
...and where has he gone?
[CLUCKS]
Uh, we seem to be having a problem
with Dr. Peckaboo's microphone.
[PECKABOO CLUCKS]
While we rectify that,
let's check in with our next guest...
...who wishes to be known as Mr. Brain.
Mr. Brain joins us via remote
with a controversial theory about this case.
Yes, Ted.
I believe there was a second chicken
behind the grassy knoll.
Um, narf, excuse me, Brain, but I--
Pinky, haven't I told you not to bother me
when I'm being interviewed?
Well, yes, Brain, but wasn't that
Dr. Peckaboo fellow a giant chicken?
A giant chicken. Don't be absurd, Pinky.
No one but a rank conspiracy theorist...
...would believe something
that preposterous.
No, really, Brain, I think he's a chicken.
Ha, ha, Ted, you'll have to excuse my friend.
-His view of the world is simple.
-Narf.
Perhaps this is a good time to check in
with our next guests...
...who, it is reported, were in the area
at the time of the incident.
-Says who?
-Gentlemen, I put the question to you.
Why did the chicken cross the road
and where is he now?
-What chicken?
-Who said there was a chicken?
Yeah, we didn't see no chicken.
Could have been anybody
crossing that road.
-Yeah, it didn't have to be no chicken.
-Like, it could have been Pesto here.
Yeah, it could have been--
Hey, wait a minute.
Are you saying I'm a chicken?
I didn't say that.
All I said was it could have been you.
I could have been a chicken?
Is that it? Is that what you're saying?
Ha-ha-ha, I didn't mean nothing.
What am I? Some kind of plump
domestic fowl here to amuse you?
No, I just said that it could've been you.
-That's it. I'll give you a chicken.
-Ow!
-Here's your chicken.
-No! No!
-I'll give you a chicken!
-Ow! Hey, your toenail's in my eye!
Oh, hey, turn that thing off.
Turn it off.
Our investigative reporter...
...has been following the tracks
from the scene of the crossing.
[SNIFFING]
Yeah, definitely one chicken.
Yeah, that's-- Definitely one. One.
FOPPEL:
It appears he's closing in on something.
Well, Dr. Peckaboo,
now that we have your microphone fixed...
...what do you make of all this?
[CLUCKS]
[BARKS]
My word, Dr. Peckaboo is a chicken.
[PECKABOO CLUCKS]
In an embarrassing turn of events
for this reporter...
...lit appears the chicken
crossed the road...
...to get to this very television studio.
[CLUCKING]
But, Ted,
what about the trajectory of the fracks?
The secret agreement
with the agricultural-industrial complex?
I'm afraid that's all we have time for.
This is Ted Foppel saying good night
for Punchline.
You wear a disguise
To look like human guys
But you're not a man
You're a chicken, Boo
[PHONE RINGING]
She's Katie Ka Boom, Katie Ka Boom
She lives in a house
With a garden in bloom
Her family knows that anytime soon
Their little lady Katie goes kaboom.
Katie, Katie darling, dinner's ready.
Hello, wonderful family.
I have wonderful news.
You're not gonna believe this.
Uh, you're getting straight A's
on your report card?
-No.
-You've cleaned out your closet?
No way. Why would I do that?
You're joining a pack of renegade bikers
and you're ditching town tonight?
-Tinker.
-Tinker.
I've been asked to the senior prom.
Wonderful.
Oh, that's great, pudding.
Of course, I'll need a new dress,
a formal, matching shoes...
...a perm, a manicure, cosmetics.
We'll have to book a limousine
and I'll have to borrow a credit card.
ALL:
Huh?
[STAMMERING]
Hold the phone there now, Katie.
-Shouldn't we talk about this, sweetie?
-Daddy, it's the prom.
-After the prom, there's a beach party--
-A beach party?
-The motel until breakfast.
-Motel?
Katie, you're only a sophomore.
You can't stay out all night.
Ma, everybody's going.
Well, now, Katie, your mother's right.
You can't go gallivanting all over town,
all hours of the night.
We'll need a curfew.
[GROWLS]
-Curfew?
-Say, 12:00?
Twelve o'clock?
I'm not a little girl, you know.
[STAMMERING]
Midnight.
[GROWLS]
Uh-oh. Here we go again.
-Hit the dirt!
-Hit the dirt!
You never trust me.
You never trust me.
You never trust me!
Katie. Oh, be reasonable, honey.
[IN DEMONIC VOICE]
I wanna go to the prom.
I wanna dance.
I wanna wear a corsage!
[KATIE GROWLING]
Mayday. Mayday.
Teenage girl losing it on Oak Tree Lane.
Man the battle stations.
[ALARM BLARING]
I am not losing it.
The most important date of my life
and you're ruining it!
Katie, darling,
aren't you overreacting a little?
I am not overreacting.
I am a teenager!
Three o'clock.
Twelve o'clock.
Two-thirty.
Twelve o'clock.
Please?
One-thirty.
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Okay, 1:30.
Thanks, Daddy.
[STAMMERING]
This is a passing phase, right?
Yeah, like the ice age.
Her family knows that anytime soon
Their little lady Katie goes kaboom.
ANNOUNCER:
The chicken or the egg?
Which came first?
The answer tonight on Punchline.
This is Punchline.
Now your host, Ted Foppel.
And there you have it.
The egg came first.
Good night.
[CLUCKS]
Sit, Ubu, sit.
[English - US - SDH]
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ -Come join the Warner brothers ♪
♪ -And the Warner sister, Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun we run around ♪
♪ The Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower ♪
♪ Whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose ♪
♪ And now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ We pay tons of income tax ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Meet Ralph and Dr. Scratch an sniff ♪
♪ Say hi to Hello, Nurse ♪
♪ Good feathers flock together ♪
♪ Slappy whacks them with her purse ♪
♪ Buttons chases Mindy ♪
♪ While Rita sings a verse ♪
♪ The writers flipped, we have no script ♪
♪ Why bother to rehearse? ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ We have pay-or-play contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max ♪
♪ There's bologna in our slacks ♪
♪ We're Animan-y ♪
♪ Totally insane-y ♪
♪ Candy cane-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs ♪
♪ Those are the facts ♪
That's the one there.
Awesome, eh?
LOU:
Timber!
MORRIS:
A little lower. A bit to the right.
Now, just a smidgen to the left.
There. Perfect.
All right, people,
let's break out those decorations.
We have a schedule to keep.
Oh, the tree is decorated.
The musicians are ready,
the carolers are set.
[HUMMING
"GOD REST YE MERRY, GENTLEMEN"]
All systems are go.
Okay, ready camera two.
And three, two, one, we're live.
Good evening, New York.
Almond Rocha here, with Katey Cupcake.
And welcome to the annual lighting
of the Christmas tree...
...at Rocky fellow Center.
[SINGING]
♪ O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum ♪
♪ Glorious to one and all ♪
-Everybody ready?
CROWD: Yeah!
Then let the Christmas season begin.
[CROWD GASPING]
[SLAPPY SNORING]
I'd like to thank the Academy, Jack Warner
and Joan Crawford's taxidermist.
[RINGS]
Snack time already?
[YAWNS]
Who knew? I am feeling a little peckish.
Better go dig up my stash of nuts
so I can get back to my beauty sleep.
Which so far has failed to yield
any visible results.
I ought to just hibernate
straight through winter...
...like Yogi and his pal tannith elden ringBobo...
...or Bahbah or whatever.
Now, where'd I stash those nuts?
Forty paces north.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
...seven, eight, nine, 10, 11...
MAN: Whoa!
.12, 13...
[HORNS HONKING]
.14, 15, 16, 17...
-...18, 19, 20, 21, 22...
-Crazy foreigners!
...23, 24, 25, 26, 27...
[CRASHING]
...28, 29, 30, 31...
...32, 33, 34, 35...
...36, 37, 38, 39 and 40.
And three paces to the left.
One, two, three.
[YAWNS]
This should be the spot.
[GASPING]
Hey, somebody stole my nuts.
What's this forest coming to?
Eh, I wasn't that hungry anyway.
[RUMBLING]
[HORNS HONKING]
[CRASHING]
[SKATERS YELLING]
[SINGING]
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
[SNORING]
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
Aunt Slappy.
Skippy, what are you doing up?
I can't sleep.
All the noise outside
is keeping me awake.
I'll take care of it.
CAROLERS [SINGING]:
♪ Hallelujah ♪
Yep, just as I thought.
It's that pack of wolves
baying at the moon again.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
ALL:
Aah!
That should quiet them down.
[SNORES]
SKIPPY:
Aunt Slappy.
-Ah, now what?
- I still can't sleep.
The lights outside my window
are too bright.
Must be those chipmunk neighbors.
They left their tiki lamps on again.
I'll go knock on their front door...
...or on their heads,
whichever comes first.
Hey, in there.
Put out those tiki lamps.
We're trying to get some sleep
around here.
[PANTING]
All right,
maybe this will get your attention.
There. Now, that's more like it.
Oh, brother.
-We're back in business.
-Ah.
Aunt Slappy, the lights are back on.
This is starting to turn
into a comedy routine.
Without the comedy.
For the love of Peter Potamus.
It finally happened.
Some no-good developer
demolished our forest...
...and put up buildings all around us.
That's awful.
I'll put a stop to this.
[SINGING]
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
Hey!
CAROLERS [SINGING]:
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
- ♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ MAN: Aah! ♪
CAROLERS [SINGING]:
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
- Hey, party's over. Everybody off.
♪ CAROLERS: Dashing through the snow ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
-Scram. Beat it.
CAROLERS: ♪ Laughing all the way ♪
-What are you doing?
-You too, buddy. Hit the road.
Aah! Mad squirrel! Mad squirrel!
- ♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
- MORRIS: Aah!
♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
Hey!
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way, aah! ♪
[SINGING]
♪ Now I'm going back to sleep ♪
♪ Don't wake me up till May, hey ♪
Somebody call ASCAP.
I'm a lyricist. Ha-ha!
You see, Skippy, sometimes all you need
to solve a problem is a little diplomacy.
But you whacked them
with your broom.
I said, sometimes,
I didn't say this time. Ha-ha-ha!
OFFICER: Okay, stay back.
Animal control will take it from here.
Are you sure you can handle this?
That squirrel may be rabid.
Uh, look, Mac, when it comes to pests,
we're professionals, okay?
This will only take a sec.
[YELLING AND CRASHING]
Forget it, pal. She's all yours.
-We'd better bring in the big guns.
-You mean the National Guard?
No, the lawyers.
[POUNDING]
Hey, John Henry,
what's with all the pounding?
You're being evicted.
You can't evict me.
I've lived in this forest for years.
Ha! Forest? Ha-ha-ha!
Lady, this is New York City.
New York City?
-Well, that explains the smell...
-Eurgh.
...but it still doesn't explain
how I got here.
It's simple, Miss Squirrel.
Your tree was chosen out of thousands...
...to stand here in Rocky fellow Center
at Christmastime...
-...and bring joy to all who see it.
-Hi.
All right, they've seen it.
Now put it back.
I'm sorry, Miss Squirrel.
I'm not authorized to do that.
-Then who is?
-I don't know.
The CEO of Rocky Fellow Center?
[RECEPTIONIST GASPS]
Hey, you can't go in there.
She's right, Skippy. You better wait here.
This could get ugly.
And so by our next board meeting
we plan to--
All right, which one of you clowns
is in charge here?
-I am! What's the meaning of this?
MAN: A squirrel?
Do you see that tree down there?
Yes. So?
So?
That's my home you shanghaied
from the forest.
And your point is?
I want it put back.
Hal Right.
[LAUGHING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Hey, how would you like it if somebody
moved your house without asking you?
Oh, well, since you put it that way,
I'll be happy to help you.
Out of my office!
SLAPPY:
Oof!
Are you okay, Aunt Slappy?
Ah, it's nothing that can't be fixed
with a little Bactine...
...and a nice healthy dose of revenge.
[SNORING]
[CRASHING]
[YAWNS]
[HORNS HONKING]
What's all that racket?
What? This can't be.
-What's going on here?
-Aah! Aah.
Hey, you,
what are you doing in my house?
-He-ho. Not exactly a cheery riser, are we?
-Huh?
Give me that.
What do you think you're doing?
What, are your eyes painted on?
I'm having a sandwich here.
MAN:
Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!
Hey, those plump when you cook them?
-Foot-long franks here!
-Get out of my house.
[GASPS]
Can you step out of the house, please?
I'm gonna have to write you up.
This is a no-parking zone.
That includes houses.
Come on, move it, you road hog!
You gonna eat that?
SLAPPY: Ha-ha-ha!
-Huh?
You know, you remind me
of a very young Huckleberry Hound.
-You.
-So how do you like your new address?
Okay, okay, I see your point. I give up.
Somehow I thought you might.
Now, why don't we make a little deal?
Ah, home sweet home.
I guess things worked out after all.
SLAPPY:
Yep. We got our tree back...
...and Rocky fellow Center still gets
to have its Christmas celebration.
[SINGING]
♪ O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum ♪
♪ Christmas tree, you rise so tall ♪
♪ O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum ♪
♪ Glorious to one and all ♪
-Hey, quiet down there!
-Ah...
We're trying to sleep.
And shut out those lights!
ANNOUNCER:
A chicken, a road, a crossing...
...and tonight, a question, "Why?"
This is Punchline.
Now your host, Ted Foppel.
The question "Why did the chicken cross
the road?" has been puzzling pundits...
...since the dawn of poultry.
But the answer to this most enigmatic
of riddles is just now coming to light.
Our first guest is noted criminologist,
Dr. Henry Peckaboo.
Dr. Peckaboo,
why did the chicken cross the road...
...and where has he gone?
[CLUCKS]
Uh, we seem to be having a problem
with Dr. Peckaboo's microphone.
[PECKABOO CLUCKS]
While we rectify that,
let's check in with our next guest...
...who wishes to be known as Mr. Brain.
Mr. Brain joins us via remote
with a controversial theory about this case.
Yes, Ted.
I believe there was a second chicken
behind the grassy knoll.
Um, narf, excuse me, Brain, but I--
Pinky, haven't I told you not to bother me
when I'm being interviewed?
Well, yes, Brain, but wasn't that
Dr. Peckaboo fellow a giant chicken?
A giant chicken. Don't be absurd, Pinky.
No one but a rank conspiracy theorist...
...would believe something
that preposterous.
No, really, Brain, I think he's a chicken.
Ha, ha, Ted, you'll have to excuse my friend.
-His view of the world is simple.
-Narf.
Perhaps this is a good time to check in
with our next guests...
...who, it is reported, were in the area
at the time of the incident.
-Says who?
-Gentlemen, I put the question to you.
Why did the chicken cross the road
and where is he now?
-What chicken?
-Who said there was a chicken?
Yeah, we didn't see no chicken.
Could have been anybody
crossing that road.
-Yeah, it didn't have to be no chicken.
-Like, it could have been Pesto here.
Yeah, it could have been--
Hey, wait a minute.
Are you saying I'm a chicken?
I didn't say that.
All I said was it could have been you.
I could have been a chicken?
Is that it? Is that what you're saying?
Ha-ha-ha, I didn't mean nothing.
What am I? Some kind of plump
domestic fowl here to amuse you?
No, I just said that it could've been you.
-That's it. I'll give you a chicken.
-Ow!
-Here's your chicken.
-No! No!
-I'll give you a chicken!
-Ow! Hey, your toenail's in my eye!
Oh, hey, turn that thing off.
Turn it off.
Our investigative reporter...
...has been following the tracks
from the scene of the crossing.
[SNIFFING]
Yeah, definitely one chicken.
Yeah, that's-- Definitely one. One.
FOPPEL:
It appears he's closing in on something.
Well, Dr. Peckaboo,
now that we have your microphone fixed...
...what do you make of all this?
[CLUCKS]
[BARKS]
My word, Dr. Peckaboo is a chicken.
[PECKABOO CLUCKS]
In an embarrassing turn of events
for this reporter...
...lit appears the chicken
crossed the road...
...to get to this very television studio.
[CLUCKING]
But, Ted,
what about the trajectory of the fracks?
The secret agreement
with the agricultural-industrial complex?
I'm afraid that's all we have time for.
This is Ted Foppel saying good night
for Punchline.
You wear a disguise
To look like human guys
But you're not a man
You're a chicken, Boo
[PHONE RINGING]
She's Katie Ka Boom, Katie Ka Boom
She lives in a house
With a garden in bloom
Her family knows that anytime soon
Their little lady Katie goes kaboom.
Katie, Katie darling, dinner's ready.
Hello, wonderful family.
I have wonderful news.
You're not gonna believe this.
Uh, you're getting straight A's
on your report card?
-No.
-You've cleaned out your closet?
No way. Why would I do that?
You're joining a pack of renegade bikers
and you're ditching town tonight?
-Tinker.
-Tinker.
I've been asked to the senior prom.
Wonderful.
Oh, that's great, pudding.
Of course, I'll need a new dress,
a formal, matching shoes...
...a perm, a manicure, cosmetics.
We'll have to book a limousine
and I'll have to borrow a credit card.
ALL:
Huh?
[STAMMERING]
Hold the phone there now, Katie.
-Shouldn't we talk about this, sweetie?
-Daddy, it's the prom.
-After the prom, there's a beach party--
-A beach party?
-The motel until breakfast.
-Motel?
Katie, you're only a sophomore.
You can't stay out all night.
Ma, everybody's going.
Well, now, Katie, your mother's right.
You can't go gallivanting all over town,
all hours of the night.
We'll need a curfew.
[GROWLS]
-Curfew?
-Say, 12:00?
Twelve o'clock?
I'm not a little girl, you know.
[STAMMERING]
Midnight.
[GROWLS]
Uh-oh. Here we go again.
-Hit the dirt!
-Hit the dirt!
You never trust me.
You never trust me.
You never trust me!
Katie. Oh, be reasonable, honey.
[IN DEMONIC VOICE]
I wanna go to the prom.
I wanna dance.
I wanna wear a corsage!
[KATIE GROWLING]
Mayday. Mayday.
Teenage girl losing it on Oak Tree Lane.
Man the battle stations.
[ALARM BLARING]
I am not losing it.
The most important date of my life
and you're ruining it!
Katie, darling,
aren't you overreacting a little?
I am not overreacting.
I am a teenager!
Three o'clock.
Twelve o'clock.
Two-thirty.
Twelve o'clock.
Please?
One-thirty.
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Okay, 1:30.
Thanks, Daddy.
[STAMMERING]
This is a passing phase, right?
Yeah, like the ice age.
Her family knows that anytime soon
Their little lady Katie goes kaboom.
ANNOUNCER:
The chicken or the egg?
Which came first?
The answer tonight on Punchline.
This is Punchline.
Now your host, Ted Foppel.
And there you have it.
The egg came first.
Good night.
[CLUCKS]
Sit, Ubu, sit.
[English - US - SDH]