Animaniacs (1993–1998): Season 5, Episode 4 - Magic Time/The Brain's Apprentice - full transcript

NARRATOR:
Newsreel of the Stars.

Dateline Hollywood, 1930,
Warner Bros. studio.

At the studio's animation department,
artists toiled endlessly…

…to come up with cartoon stars…

…ultimately creating three new characters:

the Warner brothers
and their sister, Dot.

WARNERS:
Hello, Nurse.

NARRATOR: Unfortunately, the Warner kids
were totally out of control.

ALL:
Boingy, boingy, boingy.

NARRATOR:
The trio ran amok throughout the studio…

…until their capture.



The Warners' films,
which made absolutely no sense…

…were locked away in the studio vault,
never to be released.

As for the Warners themselves,
they were locked away…

…in the studio water tower,
also never to be released.

Publicly, the studio has disavowed
any knowledge…

…of the Warners' existence
to this very day…

…when the Warners escaped.

ALL [SINGING]:
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ -Come join the Warner brothers ♪
♪ -And the Warner sister, Dot ♪

WARNERS: ♪ Just for fun we run around ♪
♪ The Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower ♪
♪ Whenever we get caught ♪



♪ But we break loose and then vamoose ♪
♪ And now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ We pay tons of income tax ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

[BICYCLE BELL DINGS]

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Ah!

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

[YELPS]

[PLAYING "ANIMANIACS" THEME SONG]

[PLAYING "ANIMANIACS" THEME SONG]

WARNERS: ♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Who want to rule the universe ♪

♪ Good feathers flock together ♪
♪ Slappy whacks them with her purse ♪

♪ Buttons chases Mindy ♪
♪ While Rita sings a verse ♪

♪ The writers flipped, we have no script ♪
♪ Why bother to rehearse? ♪

ALL:
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ We have pay-or-play contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max ♪
♪ There's bologna in our slacks ♪

♪ We're Animan-y ♪

♪ Totally insane-y ♪

WARNERS:
♪ Pinky and the Brain-y ♪

♪ Animaniacs ♪

♪ Those are the facts ♪

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[SCHNITZEL SIGHS THEN TSKS]

[AUSTRIAN ACCENT]
Ah, me.

[AUSTRIAN ACCENT]
You call yourself wild animals.

Why do you not rear up in ferocity?

FLOYD: They are girlie animals.
We have not disciplined them enough.

You are to be a big, ferocious lion,
like this.

[PIN PRICKS & LION ROARS]

[WHEEZING]

And you're to be a crazed, rogue elephant,
like this.

[TRUMPETS]

Two minutes to showtime, fellas.

-It's my turn.
-Oh, fine.

You will be loud and fierce tonight.
Do you understand?

[LION & ELEPHANT WHIMPERING]

Let's make this their last show.

We can always hire actors
to dress as animals.

And they're even more fun to abuse.

[BOTH WHIMPER]

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen…

…the Mount Olympus Hotel
proudly presents…

…the wonder and illusion
of those master magicians…

…Schnitzel und Floyd.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Please stop.

We know you could honor us like this
all night.

Ja, but who wants to be honored
by a lot of nobody peoples?

Tonight we will perform
many feats of astoundingness…

…with our furry friends of much training.

Ja, you'll have no choice…

…but to give us many curtain calls,
I assure you.

SCHNITZEL: Und now, we require
three volunteers from the audience…

…to come forward and assist us
in our fantastic deeds of magic.

FLOYD:
You will receive no pay, so don't even ask.

WARNERS:
Gangway!

DOT: Pick us! Pick us! Please! Pick us!
WAKKO: Come on, we wanna be in the show!

Very well. We consent to pick you.

[WARNERS CHEER]

FLOYD: You appear to be
strange monkey creatures. What are you?

YAKKO & WAKKO: We're the Warner brothers.
-And the Warner sister.

We love magic shows.

And men in tights.

Speak for yourself.

Okay. Hello, magic nurses.

[GRUNTS]

Foolish little monkey girl.

You are from the audience.

Don't ever touch us again.

-Psst. Say, are you guys any good?
-Observe.

[BAND PLAYING CIRCUS MUSIC]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[AUDIENCE OOHING AND AAHING]

These people don't get out much.

I have a trick. I have a trick.

Reach behind my ears.

[LOBSTERS SNAP]

[SCHNITZEL & FLOYD YELPING]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]

Uh, thank you, thank you.

All part of the fabulous show.

Und now,
Floyd and myself will astound you…

…by sawing three volunteers in half.

I hope this doesn't stunt our growth.

I am in much confusement.

Und I in much perplexity.

-Looking for us?
-Aah!

Uh, that was an okay stunt,
but can you cut the federal deficit…

…while increasing government spending?
That would be a trick.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Now Floyd and I magically
transport the animals…

…und volunteers from one box to the other.

BOTH:
Alakazoot!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[WARNERS SCREAM]

I'm so sorry.

[MOANS]

We never take a trip
without freshening up.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

You horrible kiddies have upstaged us
for the last time!

Get away.
Go take a ride on a roulette wheel.

Ja, or go to Hoover Dam
and play with the fishies…

…but get lost!

[ALL SOBBING]

[AUDIENCE BOOING AND HISSING]

Get off the stage!

Be quiet and also hush.

Now, on with the show.

Before your very eyes…

…I will transform this lion
into what is a pretty girl.

Alabama!

Hi. I'm a pretty girl. How's it going?

I'm her sister.
I came along because I couldn't get a date.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

YAKKO & WAKKO:
Yeah! Yeah! Rah, rah, rah!

[SCHNITZEL GROWLS]

[SCHNITZEL GRUNTS]

Do something, quick.

And now I will transform this elephant
into a men's chorus.

Alameda!

Okay, fellas, just like we rehearsed.

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]

CHORUS [SINGING]:
♪ Schnitzel and Floyd were magic guys ♪

♪ Yes, magic guys ♪

♪ But they had no class ♪
♪ And were pretty easy to despise ♪

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

And now, my solo.

[SCREAMING]

It's just a little thing I do.

And now for our grand finale!

Have fun with this stuff.

[ELEPHANT & LION GROWLING]

There is no reason to turn on us
in vengefulness.

Ja, we got you into showbiz.

This hurts us more than it does them.

But not really.

[BLOWS AIR]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Hit it, Ringo.

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]

[BOTH GRUNT]

Look at all this jungle.

Ja, we must be in Kansas
or some other horrible flyover place.

[ANIMALS GROWLING]

I am not so comfortable feeling.

So you're from Ohio.

Tell me, what's it like being dumb
as a hockey puck? Heh.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

PICKLES: I meant that in a good way.
-Grr.

Moving right along. Okay.

Who'd like to come up here
and help me with a little joke? Anyone?

WARNERS:
Gangway!

WAKKO:
Pick us! Come on, pick us!

DOT:
Pick us! Pick us!

-Pick us! Please! Pick us! Pick us! Pick us!
-Ha, ha.

This is too easy.

I guess he hasn't seen our act.

PINKY:
Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

WARNERS [SINGING]:
♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪
♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

[ENGINE STARTS]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[BEEPING]

-Lather.
-Rinse.

Repeat.

[English - US - SDH]