Animaniacs (1993–1998): Season 5, Episode 3 - Cute First - full transcript
[SINGING]
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ -Come join the Warner brothers ♪
♪ -And the Warner sister, Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun we run around ♪
♪ The Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower ♪
♪ Whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose ♪
♪ And now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ We pay tons of income tax ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Meet Ralph and Dr. Scratch an sniff ♪
♪ Say hi to Hello, Nurse ♪
♪ Good feathers flock together ♪
♪ Slappy whacks them with her purse ♪
♪ Buttons chases Mindy ♪
♪ While Rita sings a verse ♪
♪ The writers flipped, we have no script ♪
♪ Why bother to rehearse? ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ We have pay-or-play contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max ♪
♪ There's bologna in our slacks ♪
♪ We're Animan-y ♪
♪ Totally insane-y ♪
♪ Chicken chow mein-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs ♪
♪ Those are the facts ♪
NARRATOR:
There once was a fabulously wealthy queen…
Whose beauty garnered mounds
of glittering prizes.
Until one day, her magic mirror told her…
That Snow White
was even more fabulously cute.
What's a queen to do?
This spunky monarch snapped into action…
Treating the beautiful but underfed
glamour-puss to a five-star luncheon.
Hope you have a hankering
for poison apple.
[SNOW WHITE GROANS]
But wait, it's Prince Charming
and the two dwarves to the rescue.
Just two dwarves?
What a fabulously cheap cartoon.
Soon after,
the queen accidentally fell off a cliff.
[QUEEN SCREAMS]
The new couple moved…
Into the queen's
palatial mountaintop condo…
And did a whole bunch
of aggressive redecorating.
But there was one of the old queen's
knickknacks that pleased her.
Who's the cutest?
Cross the land, cross the sea,
through the day, through the night…
The most beauteous lady is you,
Snow White.
You're so sweet.
I love this mirror.
Yes, all was bliss for the contented couple
in their Camelot castle of cuteness.
PRINCE:
Snowy-poo, where do you want this?
[PRINCE GRUNTING]
- Um, there.
- But their high-flying lifestyle…
Was about to come crashing down.
Now who's the cutest?
[GIGGLING]
Cross the earth, cross the skies
Okay, all right, forget the rhyme part.
Just tell me I'm the cutest.
[SIGHS]
You're the cutest.
Wait, this just in.
- What do you mean?
- Uh-oh.
Looks like trouble in paradise.
In the order of fairest,
you hold second rank.
For there's a new entry.
She lives in Burbank.
And since she's a beauty,
she's taken your spot.
She's the number one cutie.
Her friends call her Dot.
Hmm.
WARNERS [SINGING]:
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax— ♪
DIRECTOR:
Cut! Cut!
What? Hey, where's Dot?
Well, that's just it.
She... She was nabbed by two dwarves.
[YAKKO & WAKKO GASP]
Two dwarves? That's shocking.
Well, this is a fabulously cheap cartoon.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Dot wondered how long
she'd have to endure this horrible torture.
Actually, I was wondering how long
I'd have to endure this horrible narrator.
What are you doing?
It gives it a nice, textured look,
don't you think?
I've got matching drapes
and a throw rug.
So you're Dot, the cute one.
You cut that out.
We'll see how cute you are…
After being locked in the damp
and not very clean dungeon…
For a hundred and one seconds.
A hundred and one seconds?
- Well, it's not very long, is it?
- No.
I'm impatient.
I expect results immediately.
You know, when you get mad like that,
you get these little wrinkles.
My face?
It's your fault.
We'll be back when you're less cute.
And don't let her escape.
But bread and water were not on the menu
for this classy convict.
Oh, Mr. Guard Person,
I'd like to escape now, please.
Whoa! You're cute, man.
You got this whole cute…
Don't-make-me-stay-in-here thing
happening, man.
Please let me out of this cagey-wagey.
You're working your weirdness on me, man.
Your cute weirdness.
No. No way, man.
Pleasy-weasy-weasy-wease.
No!
Don't try being this cute at home.
I'm a trained professional.
[SCREAMING]
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
am I the cutest yet or what?
Uh, well…
Well?
You know, when you get mad like that,
you get these little wrinkles.
[SCREAMS]
[BOTH GRUNT]
Oh, those wrinkles
are getting much worse.
So Dot treated the aging ingénue
to a madcap makeover…
Guaranteed to turn any ugly duckling
into a golden goose.
Doll face, look at all these gray hairs.
Is there something stressing you out?
[SCREAMS]
We'll throw you from the tallest tower.
For a bad hairdo?
How about just forgetting the tip?
Psst! Don't worry, sis, we've got a plan.
A good plan.
And so Snow White escorted Dot…
To a penthouse game
of Whoopsy-out-the-window.
Have you ever seen such fabulous evil?
- SNOW WHITE: One...
- YAKKO: Hold it right there.
Told you we had a plan.
We plan to build a tunnel
under the English Channel…
Connecting Britain to France.
Ha! It's already been done.
It's called the Chunnel.
Chunnel? That's a weird name.
Sounds like a chocolate bar.
- Hey, who wants a Chunnel?
- I do, I do.
We were gonna call it
Mr. Timmy's Big Underwater Tube.
Knock it off!
- One, two...
- PRINCE: Honey buns?
[ALL SCREAMING]
Give me your hand.
Hey, who are you?
I'm Dot, the cute one.
No, I'm cute.
- Ehh, I'm cute.
- I'm cute as well.
No, I'm the cutest. I'm the cutest.
Calm down, people. Let's vote.
Whoever thinks she's the cutest,
raise their hands.
Vote for me. Vote for me!
[SCREAMING]
Isn't democracy wonderful?
[ALLIGATOR CHOMPS]
And so Dot and the prince
lived adorably ever after.
Or did they?
No, that's not quite right.
How about there?
[PRINCE GRUNTING]
Hmm. No, no, no, that's not good either.
MIRROR:
Ahem.
You know,
you're not the cutest anymore.
Oh, yeah?
From the sky to the sea,
to each land touched by winds…
There are new reigning cuties
named the Olsen...
Phew.
Outrageous! How fabulously cute!
Now if we could just get rid
of that pesky narrator.
[FOGHORN BLARES]
- OFFICER: Name.
- MAN: McLaughlin.
Next.
- Names.
- I'm Yakkinowski.
- I'm Wakkarotti.
- And I'm cute.
Dottinovich.
We're the Warnervanvonovitch-
Do bro rub in chick-Smyth brothers.
Too long.
Yakko, Wakko, Dot.
Next.
ALL:
Hello, Statue of Liberty.
Oh, no, horrible, little, puppy children.
[SCREAMING]
[ALL GRUNT]
Next time, let's fly into LaGuardia.
We've gotta find someplace in New York
to stay until the Emmys.
Where in the world
is Carmen San Diego staying?
Hello, nurse.
Wait a minute.
I know some folks we can stay with.
I didn't know you had friends
in New York.
Not exactly friends.
They're more like acquaintances.
WARNERS [SINGING]:
♪ Whatever made them think ♪
♪ That this could be a show? ♪
♪ Six trendies on a couch ♪
♪ Just drinking cups of joe ♪
♪ They lead such boring lives ♪
♪ But never fear ♪
♪ Because we're moving in for a month ♪
♪ Maybe a year ♪
♪ Oh, we won't ever leave ♪
♪ No, you can't throw us out ♪
♪ We won't ever leave ♪
♪ You can scream, you can shout ♪
♪ We won't ever leave ♪
♪ Our new acquaintances ♪
Who are you?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
I'm your dream come true.
Someone with a life.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Ahem. Can we please kill the laugh track?
Your door was open
so we thought we'd move in for a while.
Yeah, don't mind us.
Just go on with your lives,
such as they are.
Hello, skinny nurse.
Well, actually,
I used to have a weight problem.
I'm sure. Have a snack.
Listen, you can't stay here.
How about here? Boingy, boingy, boingy!
Or here?
I'll just stay right here.
Anyone ever tell you
you look like Tony Danza?
Actually, did anyone ever tell you
you don't look like Tony Danza?
Uh, thank you.
Who says caffeine rots your brain?
Do you know, like,
how so not welcome you are?
No, but if you hum a few bars.
[HUMMING OFF-KEY]
[SINGING OFF-KEY]
♪ Like, how so not welcome you are ♪
Here, let me tune that for you.
Where did you come from?
We just blew in from the coast.
On an airplane?
No. Actually, they blew in on a blow-dryer.
How did you guess?
[ROSS GASPS]
Hello. Am I in the right apartment here?
You know, that's what I love about New
York. Everybody leaves their doors open.
DOT:
Hey, that's my bicycle!
You guys are trashing this place.
Don't be such a fussbudget.
Have another snack.
Wait. I'm getting totally weird vibes.
That's just Ross' monkey.
You're close. It's Wakko.
Hello, space-case nurse.
[GUYS YELL]
Listen, everyone,
just pretend we're not here.
[ALL GRUNT]
They're good at pretending.
Um, Rachel, there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
And there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
Anyone for Scruples?
[MONICA YELLS]
This is our apartment
and you're getting out.
[ALL GRUNT]
Huh?
Hey, if we don't have a couch
to sit on and drink coffee…
Well, what will we do?
This is so "what will we do."
I mean, could this possibly
be any more "so, what will we do?"
ALL:
Huh?
Let's just do what we do every night.
Try to take over the world?
No, that's Pinky and the Brain.
What do we do?
ALL:
Nothing.
Sorry, we're doing that in here.
If you wanna come in,
you're gonna have to do something.
We've never tried that before.
We've got to break down the door.
To the apartment?
No, to the Follies Bergére.
[GASPS]
My apartment.
Don't worry. Have a napoleon.
Ugh. This is never gonna work.
How can two groups of people
with absolutely nothing in common…
Possibly live together under one roof?
Could there be a better straight line
than that?
CHORUS [SINGING]: ♪ Here's a
story about a group of slackers ♪
♪ Who spend all day ♪
♪ Just slurping up caffeine ♪
♪ Till they meet the wacky Warners ♪
♪ Who made their groovy scene ♪
♪ The Warner Bunch ♪
♪ The Warner Bunch ♪
♪ And we call them the Warner Bunch ♪
I'll take Lisa Kudrow to block.
Okay, that's it. O-U-T.
I thought they'd never leave.
Look, the ugly naked guy is eating lunch.
You just hate to see someone
let himself go, don't you?
What will we do now?
Yeah, where are we gonna find
another bunch…
Of single, semi-trendy New Yorkers…
Who need us
to brighten up their dreary lives?
What's the deal with these kids
with the big red noses?
We thought we'd stick our big red noses
into your business for a while.
Yeah, with friends like you,
who needs acquaintances?
[SINGING]
♪ The Roman world was in a mess ♪
♪ The emperor wore a cocktail dress ♪
♪ When in the year 441 ♪
♪ Came a guy, Attila the Hun ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ Flee today, he'll sack your villa ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ He'll swipe your hogs ♪
♪ And then your pillow ♪
♪ Attila was a nasty king ♪
♪ He and his Huns wrecked everything ♪
♪ He lived by arson and the sword ♪
♪ Invaded France 'cause he got bored ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ Far away, go to Manila ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ He'll steal your socks ♪
♪ And then your pillow ♪
I guess he had a thing for pillows.
♪ DOT: To a wedding, Attila went ♪
♪ Looking sharp like a Hunnish gent ♪
♪ He ate a whole ox, then ate two ♪
♪ Then passed away, but so would you ♪
♪ Come on back, farewell Attila ♪
♪ Ate three ox and got his fill a ♪
♪ He wore shorts made of chin chili a ♪
♪ His favorite ice cream was strawberry ♪
What can I say? It's not a perfect world.
♪ Attila, Attila, Attila gorilla for sale ♪
Master Spruce, your tea.
Ahem. About Master Boo.
[CLUCKING]
I believe he's a giant chicken.
Nonsense. Boo is a brave
and courageous crime fighter.
Very well, sir.
Oh, by the way,
there's something on the television…
That might be of interest to you.
The Caped Crusader's arch villain,
Punchline, and his henchmen…
Have taken over this TV station.
He has yet to state— Oof!
Bring me the Caped Crusader
and the Boo Wonder…
Or I will bring chaos on Flotsam City…
By programming endless reruns
of She's the Sheriff.
Ha-ha-ha. That's a good one, boss.
[HENCHMEN LAUGHING]
[PUNCHLINE GROWLING]
No, I'm serious.
Bring me the Caped Crusader.
Boo Wonder, to the Guanocave.
[CLUCKS]
Glad you're here.
Punchline is up to some funny business
up in the TV studio.
Don't worry, commissioner,
we'll take care of that fiendish villain.
Right, old chum?
[CLUCKS]
Ahem. Caped Crusader,
the Boo Wonder is a chicken.
A giant chicken.
Don't be silly. He's not a chicken.
He's just the strong, silent type.
[DOT SIGHS]
I love a man in a unitard.
And so the lawyer says:
[PUNCHLINE LAUGHS]
"Forget the subpoena.
My monkey doesn't drive a Lexus!"
[HENCHMEN LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
HENCHMEN:
Huh?
Okay, Punchline,
you've told your last joke.
[CACKLING]
Yes, Caped Crusader, quite right.
For years,
no one has taken me seriously.
But now I will prove to all of Flotsam
that I am a force to be reckoned with.
I will reveal the deep, dark secret
of the dynamic duo.
The Boo Wonder is a chicken.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Well, that's a good one, boss.
No, no, no, I'm serious.
Why does everyone keep saying that?
He is not a chicken.
Get them, boys!
[BOO CLUCKS]
[HENCHMEN GRUNTING]
[BOO CLUCKING]
[PUNCHLINE LAUGHS]
At last.
The joke's on you, Punchline.
Drat.
A job well done.
I couldn't have done it without
my resourceful partner, the Boo Wonder.
[CLUCKS]
[BATMAN GASPS]
I told you he's a chicken.
Holy drumsticks,
you really are a chicken.
[BATMAN GROWLS]
[CLUCKS]
♪ CHORUS [SINGING]: You wear a disguise ♪
♪ To look like human guys ♪
♪ But you're not a man ♪
♪ You're a chicken, Boo ♪
Sayonara!
[English - US - SDH]
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ -Come join the Warner brothers ♪
♪ -And the Warner sister, Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun we run around ♪
♪ The Warner movie lot ♪
♪ They lock us in the tower ♪
♪ Whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose ♪
♪ And now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ We pay tons of income tax ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Meet Ralph and Dr. Scratch an sniff ♪
♪ Say hi to Hello, Nurse ♪
♪ Good feathers flock together ♪
♪ Slappy whacks them with her purse ♪
♪ Buttons chases Mindy ♪
♪ While Rita sings a verse ♪
♪ The writers flipped, we have no script ♪
♪ Why bother to rehearse? ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ We have pay-or-play contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max ♪
♪ There's bologna in our slacks ♪
♪ We're Animan-y ♪
♪ Totally insane-y ♪
♪ Chicken chow mein-y ♪
♪ Animaniacs ♪
♪ Those are the facts ♪
NARRATOR:
There once was a fabulously wealthy queen…
Whose beauty garnered mounds
of glittering prizes.
Until one day, her magic mirror told her…
That Snow White
was even more fabulously cute.
What's a queen to do?
This spunky monarch snapped into action…
Treating the beautiful but underfed
glamour-puss to a five-star luncheon.
Hope you have a hankering
for poison apple.
[SNOW WHITE GROANS]
But wait, it's Prince Charming
and the two dwarves to the rescue.
Just two dwarves?
What a fabulously cheap cartoon.
Soon after,
the queen accidentally fell off a cliff.
[QUEEN SCREAMS]
The new couple moved…
Into the queen's
palatial mountaintop condo…
And did a whole bunch
of aggressive redecorating.
But there was one of the old queen's
knickknacks that pleased her.
Who's the cutest?
Cross the land, cross the sea,
through the day, through the night…
The most beauteous lady is you,
Snow White.
You're so sweet.
I love this mirror.
Yes, all was bliss for the contented couple
in their Camelot castle of cuteness.
PRINCE:
Snowy-poo, where do you want this?
[PRINCE GRUNTING]
- Um, there.
- But their high-flying lifestyle…
Was about to come crashing down.
Now who's the cutest?
[GIGGLING]
Cross the earth, cross the skies
Okay, all right, forget the rhyme part.
Just tell me I'm the cutest.
[SIGHS]
You're the cutest.
Wait, this just in.
- What do you mean?
- Uh-oh.
Looks like trouble in paradise.
In the order of fairest,
you hold second rank.
For there's a new entry.
She lives in Burbank.
And since she's a beauty,
she's taken your spot.
She's the number one cutie.
Her friends call her Dot.
Hmm.
WARNERS [SINGING]:
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax— ♪
DIRECTOR:
Cut! Cut!
What? Hey, where's Dot?
Well, that's just it.
She... She was nabbed by two dwarves.
[YAKKO & WAKKO GASP]
Two dwarves? That's shocking.
Well, this is a fabulously cheap cartoon.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Dot wondered how long
she'd have to endure this horrible torture.
Actually, I was wondering how long
I'd have to endure this horrible narrator.
What are you doing?
It gives it a nice, textured look,
don't you think?
I've got matching drapes
and a throw rug.
So you're Dot, the cute one.
You cut that out.
We'll see how cute you are…
After being locked in the damp
and not very clean dungeon…
For a hundred and one seconds.
A hundred and one seconds?
- Well, it's not very long, is it?
- No.
I'm impatient.
I expect results immediately.
You know, when you get mad like that,
you get these little wrinkles.
My face?
It's your fault.
We'll be back when you're less cute.
And don't let her escape.
But bread and water were not on the menu
for this classy convict.
Oh, Mr. Guard Person,
I'd like to escape now, please.
Whoa! You're cute, man.
You got this whole cute…
Don't-make-me-stay-in-here thing
happening, man.
Please let me out of this cagey-wagey.
You're working your weirdness on me, man.
Your cute weirdness.
No. No way, man.
Pleasy-weasy-weasy-wease.
No!
Don't try being this cute at home.
I'm a trained professional.
[SCREAMING]
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
am I the cutest yet or what?
Uh, well…
Well?
You know, when you get mad like that,
you get these little wrinkles.
[SCREAMS]
[BOTH GRUNT]
Oh, those wrinkles
are getting much worse.
So Dot treated the aging ingénue
to a madcap makeover…
Guaranteed to turn any ugly duckling
into a golden goose.
Doll face, look at all these gray hairs.
Is there something stressing you out?
[SCREAMS]
We'll throw you from the tallest tower.
For a bad hairdo?
How about just forgetting the tip?
Psst! Don't worry, sis, we've got a plan.
A good plan.
And so Snow White escorted Dot…
To a penthouse game
of Whoopsy-out-the-window.
Have you ever seen such fabulous evil?
- SNOW WHITE: One...
- YAKKO: Hold it right there.
Told you we had a plan.
We plan to build a tunnel
under the English Channel…
Connecting Britain to France.
Ha! It's already been done.
It's called the Chunnel.
Chunnel? That's a weird name.
Sounds like a chocolate bar.
- Hey, who wants a Chunnel?
- I do, I do.
We were gonna call it
Mr. Timmy's Big Underwater Tube.
Knock it off!
- One, two...
- PRINCE: Honey buns?
[ALL SCREAMING]
Give me your hand.
Hey, who are you?
I'm Dot, the cute one.
No, I'm cute.
- Ehh, I'm cute.
- I'm cute as well.
No, I'm the cutest. I'm the cutest.
Calm down, people. Let's vote.
Whoever thinks she's the cutest,
raise their hands.
Vote for me. Vote for me!
[SCREAMING]
Isn't democracy wonderful?
[ALLIGATOR CHOMPS]
And so Dot and the prince
lived adorably ever after.
Or did they?
No, that's not quite right.
How about there?
[PRINCE GRUNTING]
Hmm. No, no, no, that's not good either.
MIRROR:
Ahem.
You know,
you're not the cutest anymore.
Oh, yeah?
From the sky to the sea,
to each land touched by winds…
There are new reigning cuties
named the Olsen...
Phew.
Outrageous! How fabulously cute!
Now if we could just get rid
of that pesky narrator.
[FOGHORN BLARES]
- OFFICER: Name.
- MAN: McLaughlin.
Next.
- Names.
- I'm Yakkinowski.
- I'm Wakkarotti.
- And I'm cute.
Dottinovich.
We're the Warnervanvonovitch-
Do bro rub in chick-Smyth brothers.
Too long.
Yakko, Wakko, Dot.
Next.
ALL:
Hello, Statue of Liberty.
Oh, no, horrible, little, puppy children.
[SCREAMING]
[ALL GRUNT]
Next time, let's fly into LaGuardia.
We've gotta find someplace in New York
to stay until the Emmys.
Where in the world
is Carmen San Diego staying?
Hello, nurse.
Wait a minute.
I know some folks we can stay with.
I didn't know you had friends
in New York.
Not exactly friends.
They're more like acquaintances.
WARNERS [SINGING]:
♪ Whatever made them think ♪
♪ That this could be a show? ♪
♪ Six trendies on a couch ♪
♪ Just drinking cups of joe ♪
♪ They lead such boring lives ♪
♪ But never fear ♪
♪ Because we're moving in for a month ♪
♪ Maybe a year ♪
♪ Oh, we won't ever leave ♪
♪ No, you can't throw us out ♪
♪ We won't ever leave ♪
♪ You can scream, you can shout ♪
♪ We won't ever leave ♪
♪ Our new acquaintances ♪
Who are you?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
I'm your dream come true.
Someone with a life.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Ahem. Can we please kill the laugh track?
Your door was open
so we thought we'd move in for a while.
Yeah, don't mind us.
Just go on with your lives,
such as they are.
Hello, skinny nurse.
Well, actually,
I used to have a weight problem.
I'm sure. Have a snack.
Listen, you can't stay here.
How about here? Boingy, boingy, boingy!
Or here?
I'll just stay right here.
Anyone ever tell you
you look like Tony Danza?
Actually, did anyone ever tell you
you don't look like Tony Danza?
Uh, thank you.
Who says caffeine rots your brain?
Do you know, like,
how so not welcome you are?
No, but if you hum a few bars.
[HUMMING OFF-KEY]
[SINGING OFF-KEY]
♪ Like, how so not welcome you are ♪
Here, let me tune that for you.
Where did you come from?
We just blew in from the coast.
On an airplane?
No. Actually, they blew in on a blow-dryer.
How did you guess?
[ROSS GASPS]
Hello. Am I in the right apartment here?
You know, that's what I love about New
York. Everybody leaves their doors open.
DOT:
Hey, that's my bicycle!
You guys are trashing this place.
Don't be such a fussbudget.
Have another snack.
Wait. I'm getting totally weird vibes.
That's just Ross' monkey.
You're close. It's Wakko.
Hello, space-case nurse.
[GUYS YELL]
Listen, everyone,
just pretend we're not here.
[ALL GRUNT]
They're good at pretending.
Um, Rachel, there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
And there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
Anyone for Scruples?
[MONICA YELLS]
This is our apartment
and you're getting out.
[ALL GRUNT]
Huh?
Hey, if we don't have a couch
to sit on and drink coffee…
Well, what will we do?
This is so "what will we do."
I mean, could this possibly
be any more "so, what will we do?"
ALL:
Huh?
Let's just do what we do every night.
Try to take over the world?
No, that's Pinky and the Brain.
What do we do?
ALL:
Nothing.
Sorry, we're doing that in here.
If you wanna come in,
you're gonna have to do something.
We've never tried that before.
We've got to break down the door.
To the apartment?
No, to the Follies Bergére.
[GASPS]
My apartment.
Don't worry. Have a napoleon.
Ugh. This is never gonna work.
How can two groups of people
with absolutely nothing in common…
Possibly live together under one roof?
Could there be a better straight line
than that?
CHORUS [SINGING]: ♪ Here's a
story about a group of slackers ♪
♪ Who spend all day ♪
♪ Just slurping up caffeine ♪
♪ Till they meet the wacky Warners ♪
♪ Who made their groovy scene ♪
♪ The Warner Bunch ♪
♪ The Warner Bunch ♪
♪ And we call them the Warner Bunch ♪
I'll take Lisa Kudrow to block.
Okay, that's it. O-U-T.
I thought they'd never leave.
Look, the ugly naked guy is eating lunch.
You just hate to see someone
let himself go, don't you?
What will we do now?
Yeah, where are we gonna find
another bunch…
Of single, semi-trendy New Yorkers…
Who need us
to brighten up their dreary lives?
What's the deal with these kids
with the big red noses?
We thought we'd stick our big red noses
into your business for a while.
Yeah, with friends like you,
who needs acquaintances?
[SINGING]
♪ The Roman world was in a mess ♪
♪ The emperor wore a cocktail dress ♪
♪ When in the year 441 ♪
♪ Came a guy, Attila the Hun ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ Flee today, he'll sack your villa ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ He'll swipe your hogs ♪
♪ And then your pillow ♪
♪ Attila was a nasty king ♪
♪ He and his Huns wrecked everything ♪
♪ He lived by arson and the sword ♪
♪ Invaded France 'cause he got bored ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ Far away, go to Manila ♪
♪ Run away, here comes Attila ♪
♪ He'll steal your socks ♪
♪ And then your pillow ♪
I guess he had a thing for pillows.
♪ DOT: To a wedding, Attila went ♪
♪ Looking sharp like a Hunnish gent ♪
♪ He ate a whole ox, then ate two ♪
♪ Then passed away, but so would you ♪
♪ Come on back, farewell Attila ♪
♪ Ate three ox and got his fill a ♪
♪ He wore shorts made of chin chili a ♪
♪ His favorite ice cream was strawberry ♪
What can I say? It's not a perfect world.
♪ Attila, Attila, Attila gorilla for sale ♪
Master Spruce, your tea.
Ahem. About Master Boo.
[CLUCKING]
I believe he's a giant chicken.
Nonsense. Boo is a brave
and courageous crime fighter.
Very well, sir.
Oh, by the way,
there's something on the television…
That might be of interest to you.
The Caped Crusader's arch villain,
Punchline, and his henchmen…
Have taken over this TV station.
He has yet to state— Oof!
Bring me the Caped Crusader
and the Boo Wonder…
Or I will bring chaos on Flotsam City…
By programming endless reruns
of She's the Sheriff.
Ha-ha-ha. That's a good one, boss.
[HENCHMEN LAUGHING]
[PUNCHLINE GROWLING]
No, I'm serious.
Bring me the Caped Crusader.
Boo Wonder, to the Guanocave.
[CLUCKS]
Glad you're here.
Punchline is up to some funny business
up in the TV studio.
Don't worry, commissioner,
we'll take care of that fiendish villain.
Right, old chum?
[CLUCKS]
Ahem. Caped Crusader,
the Boo Wonder is a chicken.
A giant chicken.
Don't be silly. He's not a chicken.
He's just the strong, silent type.
[DOT SIGHS]
I love a man in a unitard.
And so the lawyer says:
[PUNCHLINE LAUGHS]
"Forget the subpoena.
My monkey doesn't drive a Lexus!"
[HENCHMEN LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
HENCHMEN:
Huh?
Okay, Punchline,
you've told your last joke.
[CACKLING]
Yes, Caped Crusader, quite right.
For years,
no one has taken me seriously.
But now I will prove to all of Flotsam
that I am a force to be reckoned with.
I will reveal the deep, dark secret
of the dynamic duo.
The Boo Wonder is a chicken.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Well, that's a good one, boss.
No, no, no, I'm serious.
Why does everyone keep saying that?
He is not a chicken.
Get them, boys!
[BOO CLUCKS]
[HENCHMEN GRUNTING]
[BOO CLUCKING]
[PUNCHLINE LAUGHS]
At last.
The joke's on you, Punchline.
Drat.
A job well done.
I couldn't have done it without
my resourceful partner, the Boo Wonder.
[CLUCKS]
[BATMAN GASPS]
I told you he's a chicken.
Holy drumsticks,
you really are a chicken.
[BATMAN GROWLS]
[CLUCKS]
♪ CHORUS [SINGING]: You wear a disguise ♪
♪ To look like human guys ♪
♪ But you're not a man ♪
♪ You're a chicken, Boo ♪
Sayonara!
[English - US - SDH]