Animaniacs (1993–1998): Season 5, Episode 2 - It/Dot: The Macadamia Nut/Bully for Skippy - full transcript

[dripping]

[dramatic music]

[wind howling]

[intense music]

[music continues]

Tag. You're it.

[laughing]

♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax
you'll laugh till you collapse ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪



♪ Come join the Warner brothers
and the Warner sister Dot ♪

♪ Just for fun we run
around the Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪

♪ But we break loose
and then vamoose ♪

♪ And now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks
we pay tons of income tax ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ Meet Ralph and
Dr. Scratchensniff ♪

♪ Say hi to Hello Nurse ♪

♪ Good Feathers
flock together ♪

♪ Slappy whacks 'em
with her purse ♪

♪ Buttons chases Mindy
while Rita sings a verse ♪



♪ The writers flipped we have no
script why bother to rehearse? ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ We have pay
or play contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max
there's baloney in our slacks ♪

♪ We're animany ♪

♪ Totally insaney ♪

♪ Uh.. ♪

♪ Animaniacs ♪

♪ Those are the facts ♪♪

[peppy music]

♪ Hello nurse ♪

♪ Uh ♪

(Dot)
'I am not trying
to be annoying.'

♪ I act like a nut
so they call me Macadamia ♪

♪ I dance like a klutz
on a show called Animania ♪

♪ Am I a cutie
absolutey ♪

♪ And a beauty
you can bet your patootie ♪

♪ But if you touch me
or even get near me ♪

♪ I'll have you arrested
do you hear me? ♪

♪ Dot is a nut
so they call her Macadamia ♪

♪ She's cracked in the head
and kooky in the brainia ♪

♪ Each line in this song
sounds pretty much the sameia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia ♪

Duh!

♪ Donde que vas
a nintendo Macadamia ♪

♪ Hola que pasa
you grande sack o' grania ♪

♪ Qui a coupe le fromage
we abstainia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia ♪

Wha!

♪ Now please
don't mention by brother ♪

♪ The one they call Wakkoreno ♪

[Wakko burps]

♪ He's always burping
every hour ♪

♪ So I threw him
out of the tower ♪

Whoa!

Come on.
What did you want me to do?

He was grossing me out!

And I'm just a cute,
little thing. So don't cross me!

♪ She's cracked like a nut
so they call her Macadamia ♪

♪ Whenever she gets mad
you'll experience painia ♪

♪ Cuts and bruises
you will sustainia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia ♪

Narf!

♪ Lava tus manos
por favor Macadamia ♪

♪ The world is the goal
for Pinky and the Brainia ♪

♪ Otra vez on y vas the
repetitive refrainia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia ♪

Yes!

thwack

thwack

Don't hate me
because I'm cute.

[music continues]

Ow!

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia ♪

Spew.

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia ♪

B'gawk!

[laughing]

I don't get it.
What's the joke?

(together)
Uh..

Uh..

♪ I'm a nut
who's known as Macadamia ♪

♪ But you can call me
by my other nameia ♪

♪ Louisa Francesca
Banana-Fanna Bo Besca ♪

♪ Or just plain Dot
the name I flirt to ♪

♪ But if you call me Dottie
I'll have to hurt you ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Mac Mac Mac Mac
Mac Macadamia ♪

♪ Oy Macadamia nuts ♪♪

[peppy music]

[orchestral music]

And now, the chairman of the
Federal Television Agency

'Reef Blunt.'

My fellow bureaucrats,
this is an historic moment

for both parents and children.

I'd like to thank you all for
creating this new legislation.

Not only does it clamp down
on TV violence but it requires

three hours, every week of
educational kids programmin'

'on every station in America.'

We're ruined!

It's the end
of civilization as we know it.

A-and we expect everyone
involved in kids TV

to adhere to its
strict guidelines.

Especially you, Miss Squirrel.

Somebody shoot me.

And to help you out
with your future programs

you'll each be recieveing one of
our educational and nonviolent

problem solvers.

More of your
tax dollars at work!

[growling]

- Who are they, Aunt Slappy?
- Media watchdogs.

[tires screeching]

[explosion]

Ah! The explosion channel.
All explosions all the time.

Sweet bliss!

[knocking]

Uh, for the love
of Mike Ovitz! Who is it?

Delivery
for Miss Slappy Squirrel

from the
Federal Television Agency.

A gift from Reef Blunt.

Why won't this guy
get off my back?

It's harassment,
I tell you!

[grunting]

- What are you waiting for?
- A tip.

Floss everyday.
Now, go away.

[slams]

"The FTA's educational
and nonviolent problem solver."

Oh, brother!

Some assembly required
my herniated disk.

"Insert Tab A into slot B.

Then get shaft C--"

thud

- I got the shaft, alright.
- 'Aunt Slappy, I'm home.'

You got some band-aid?

Skippy, you look like you went
a round with Evander Holyfield.

This has been the worst day
ever in the whole, wide world.

[gasps]

You mean, Mel Brooks
made a sequel

to Robin Hood,
Men In Tights?

- No.
- Then don't scare me like that.

I'm old. I could have an attack.
Now, what's the problem?

That same boy beat me up
after school again.

You mean, the kid
with no forehead?

- Yeah, Duke.
- Not to worry, Skippy.

I've got just the thing
to solve your problem.

Ah, here we are.
My trusty Acme mallet.

Once used in Wap Wap
Wappy-Slappy, 1944

directed by Stubby Winker.

Here's the clip.

[laughing]
What a schmutz!

When I get my paws
on that squirrel

I will commence
with the biting. Yah..

This guy's got
strudel in his noodle. Ha.

wham

Step right up, sunny.
Ring the bell and win a prize.

Try your luck with the mallet.

Danke schon.
I'd like to play a game.

Give it to me.

You got it, pal!

bang

There's a winner everytime.

And thankfully, it's me!

[laughing]
Now, that's comedy.

Aunt Slappy, I can't use
the mallet on the school bully.

Why not?

'Cause we'd get dragged into
another congressional hearing.

No. I'd rather eat prunes
and beans with Rush Limbaugh.

Spe-e-ew!

Besides, in school
we're taught to seek

nonviolent solutions to confict.

Wait, my hearing aid
must be on the blink.

My guidance counsellor says
violence never solved anything.

Come again.

Tomorrow she wants
me to come in to discuss

nonaggressive solutions
to my bully problems.

You're not my nephew.

You're one of those body
snitchin' pod people

I'm always reading about
in the checkout line.

- That'll be 10.95.
- Hey, quit rushing me.

Can't you see I'm
catchin' up on the news here?

What've you done with
my nephew, you little E.T.?

No. It's me.

And I'm going to listen
to my counsellor

and use modern psychology
on the bully.

Psychology? Oh, yeah.
That'll teach him.

After all, Aunt Slappy

it's time to build
that bridge to the 21st century.

Yeah, well,
you still need a mallet

to build a bridge, you know.

thud

You also need one to smash the
bridge into little, tiny pieces.

[bell ringing]

Now, Skippy,
it's quite simple.

To peacefully
resolve your dilemma

one must realise that children
become bullies to get attention.

Ignore him
and his behaviour will stop.

Okay, Miss Butley.
I'll try it.

Hey, skunky.
Nice baseball cap. Cough it up.

[Skippy whistling]

What do you think
you're doing?

I'm ignoring you, Duke.

- Oh, yeah?
- I'm still ignoring you.

[whistling continues]

[bombarding]

How about now?

You now have
my undivided attention.

Razzer frazer, no good
Reef Blunt. Why, I oughta..

[knocking]

It's two, two, two means one.

thud

Are you ready
to try it my way, Skippy?

[mumbling]

You don't have to be
a rocket scientist

to figure that one out.

Miss Butley,
that last bit of advice

you gave me
didn't exactly work.

Perhaps, a different approach
will prove more successful.

Some bullies lash out
for a lack of friendship.

Be his friend.
Share something with him.

- And he will be friend you.
- Okay, Miss Butley.

I sure hope this works.

It's diphead. I'm hungry.
Give me your lunch box.

How about if we share
our lunches, Duke?

Huh? Oh, why,
sure, scampy.

- I'll share.
- Great!

You can have half of my peanut
butter 'n walnut sandwich.

Hey, thanks.

And you can have
my entire knuckle sandwich.

thwack

Huh! I haven't done
this much construction

since my last facelift.

[knocking]

It's open.

[indistinct mumbling]

thud

Give up there,
Sigmund Freud?

[mumbling]
If he's getting
all over the place

he's gotta be
on your face.

I hope this isn't
some kind of 12 step program.

I don't think
the kid can take it.

So far, your advice
is killing me, Miss Butley.

Don't be discouraged, Skippy.
With some bullies

you must appeal
to their sense of empathy.

What?

'Inform him that
he's hurting your feelings.'

In forgiveness,
extend a friendly handshake.

Then, his conscience
will take over.

Are you sure
you're a doctor?

[laughing]
Why, of course, I am, Skippy.

Oh, alright.
This better work.

Hey, slippy. Come here!

You're late for your
three 'o clock pummelling.

Duke, you've been picking on me.
And it really hurts my feelings.

But I'm willing to forgive
and forget, and be friends.

Let's shake on it.

Oh, shucks,
that's strange, snippy.

You mean,
shake...like this?

[screaming]

Hey, scampy.
Watch out for that..

[crashing]

...bus.
Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha.

"Tighten restraining bolt
G57...to valve in 33."

And, bingo!
Baby's finished.

[crashing]

And so am I.

[knocking]
Now what?

He's strong enough for
a man, but bad for a woman.

So, Skippy.

Have you had all you can stands
and you can't stands no more?

Aunt Slappy, let's get
ready to rumble.

That's my nephew
who said that.

[peppy music]

[laughing]

[Skippy whistling]

Hey, chrome dome,
nice helmet.

Hand it over.

[whistling]

- What are you doing?
- Ignoring you.

Again? Boy, you're
stupider than I thought.

Hey. Nice fit.
Now, skummy, I'm gonna..

[screaming]

'Ouch.'

Ouch!

'Ouch.'

'Ouch.'

'Ouch.'

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

'Ouch.'

'Ouch..'

Just like I say...
education starts at home.

Pretty sparky.
Da-a-ang.

I think he's starting
to appreciate the gravity

of his situation.

[both laughing]

[laughing]

That stupid squirrel.
I'll learned him who's boss.

[rock music]

(Duke)
Hold it right there, stubby.

Give me that radio
or I'll knock your block off!

- What?
- I said, give me that radio!

What?

Give me that radio
or I'll cream you up.

Okay, Duke.
I'll let you have it.

click

Hey, what gives?
Where's the music?

[sizzling]

[explosion]

Ah! They're playing my song.

On second thought,
you can keep it.

Huh...now, that's what
I call a boom box.

[both laughing]

[laughing]

That little rodent!
I'm gonna do bad things to him.

Hold it, schwimpy!

Duke, this is your last chance
to shake hands and be pals.

Some guys just never learn.

I'll take that backpack.

How about that? It fits me
like it was made for me.

As a matter of fact,
Duke, it was!

[sizzling]

[screaming]

[explosion]

We fight a never ending
battle for truth, justice.

And big comedy explosions.

[both laughing]

I thought I told
that Slappy Squirrel

to follow the new
childrens' TV guidelines.

'Heads will roll for this.'

Hurry up, will you? I'd like
this done in my lifetime.

That's the last piece,
Miss Squirrel. All finished.

Good job, Duke.

And may I
thank you both again

for showing me
the error of my ways.

Ah, don't get mushy on us.
We actually enjoyed it.

Yeah. You bloat up good. Boom!

[both laughing]

[knocking]

Now, who could that be?
She asked as if she cared.

Well, what do you know.

It's my old crony
from Washington, Reef Blunt.

And my guidance counsellor,
Miss Butley.

I am appalled,
Miss Squirrel

to find that you encouraged
your nephew to use force

to solve his personal conflicts.

And I've been
watching your cartoon

and I have some serious
questions about its content.

Your behaviour is infantile
and grossly irresponsible.

I hope you can show me
what you were trying to prove.

As a matter of fact, I can..

...by using that gift
you sent me, Reef.

'We just finished
putting it together.'

- Huh?
- Hey!

[both screaming]

What is this thing, anyway?

(Slappy)
'It's the Government's
educational and non-violent'

'problem solver.'

What's does it do?

It's supposed
to end all conflicts

without onscreen violence.

All the violence
takes place offscreen?

Exactly. And besides,
it's Government approved.

So you know it's good for you.

Ew. It sure sounds awful.

I made a few minor adjustments
to liven things up a bit.

[both screaming]

But does it really solve
problems and end conflicts?

Good question, kiddo.
Let's find out.

On second thought,
Miss Squirrel

I agree with your
approach whole heartedly.

A-ah..

Slappy Squirrel,
you've opened my eyes.

Literally.
The Federal Television Agency

gives you and your
fan show its full approval.

Approved. Approved. Approved.

[screaming]

Conflict ended. Problem solved.
This baby works like a charm.

Aunt Slappy, you're giving a
hope to a whole new generation.

Ha-ha. Now, that's edutainment.

[theme music]

(together)
Buenas noches!