American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 13 - Haley Gone Wild - full transcript
When dad says don't watch a TV show.
Three straight nights of buzzing,
blasting, blinking, blazmataz!
If heaven is anything like
a video game convention,
I'm prepared to be a very,
very good boy to get there.
Plastic bag? For free?
Oh, Jake, this is heaven!
And I can't believe you're missin' it.
Hey, that's great. Why don't you remind me
how much fun you're having
while I'm here painting
self-portraits with my toes.
Stupid school-night-
no-going-out rules.
I'll tell you what? I can't believe
that I let you talk me into this wearing
this Kamikai Big Hand Kung Fu 3 costume.
-I thought we were both gonna dress up.
-I told you it's a team costume.
I'm the Kamikai player.
Well, you can switch it
to solo mode, playa.
I'm not sticking around here dressed like
some kind of bride of freakenstein.
Nice Kamikai costume!
(GRUNTING IN APPROVAL)
This really is heaven.
Oh! Sorry for rubbing it in, Jakey.
-Have fun with that toe thing.
-Yo, I can't take this anymore!
SPUD: Uh, could you repeat that?
All the fun makes it pretty hard to hear.
Just save me a spot in
the game testing line. I'm on my way.
Well, most of me anyway.
Yes, a perfect chi doppelganger copy.
Give it up for dragon powers.
Dragon up!
Just lie down and pretend to be asleep.
I'll be home at...
HALEY: (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Jake, can I come in?
I need the glue for an art project.
It's, uh, not in here.
HALEY: Mom says it's in your closet.
Come on, Jake! My toothpick Taj Mahal
is already crumbling.
Yo, Haley.
Can't you see the door's locked?
It's okay. I figured out
how to pick this lock ages ago.
What? No! Hey!
Why is the window open?
Is there a fire or trouble outside?
Where are you going, Jake?
-I, uh... It's...
-Yes, Jake, where are you going?
Getting some... more glue?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun
♪ He's young and fast
he's the chosen one
♪ People, we're not bragging
♪ He's the American Dragon
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burning dragon fire
♪ A real live wire
♪ American Dragon
♪ American Dragon
♪ He's the American Dragon
♪ His skills are getting faster
♪ With Grandpa, the master
♪ His destiny, what's up, G?
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
♪ American Dragon
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny
-♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC
-Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
(GONG SOUNDING)
(GRUNTING) If disappointment
were donuts,
I would be drowning in powdered sugar
right now, mister.
If we can't trust you not to sneak out,
then we're gonna have to find
other ways to keep you safe.
Like this ground-o-matic
terrible teen security system.
Window and door alarms, motion sensor,
a siren like a fire truck
driving straight through your eardrums.
How do you like those rotten apples,
Sir sneaks-a-lot-out-a-lot.
-I...
-That's right.
I don't think any of us have
anything left to say except...
(ALARM BEEPING)
Don't you think dad's going a little
overboard on this?
I mean, what if I got dragon business
late at night?
Then your grandfather will call me,
and I'll turn off the system.
-But, mom, that's...
-I'm sorry, Jake.
But you brought this on yourself.
-(ALARM BLARING)
-Teenager escaping!
-(AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKING SPANISH)
-SUSAN: Whoa!
-Jonathan!
-(ALARM BEEPS)
-Whoa.
-(THUDS)
-(ALARM BEEPING)
-SUSAN: (COUGHS) Thanks, honey.
I brought back the glue.
What? Are you giving me
the silent treatment?
Because it doesn't work
if I don't know for sure you're doing it.
See, the whole point is that...
Yes! I'm giving you the silent treatment.
Uh, you're not very good at it then.
But it's not like I deserve it anyway.
Of course not. You're miss goody two-shoes
who never does anything wrong.
-What? Is that supposed to be a bad thing?
-Polly perfect.
-I never said I was...
-Nelly McNice-nice.
-Please stop that.
-Princess Kiss-up.
-I asked you to...
-Debbie do-good.
-That's not...
-St. Perfectus.
-I said...
-Little Haley Halo.
Stop it! I'm not always
a goody two-shoes.
Sometimes I start to think about
maybe doing something
-that's not completely good.
-Oh, yeah? Like what?
Okay. I've got one.
There's this new TV show I like called
Pooka, Pooka, Fun, Fun, Fun!
It's about a wacky puppet and crazy songs,
and it's not even educational,
but it's so, so funny.
Dad says I'm not allowed to watch.
He says the Pooka puppet
is too darn creepy.
But I really want to watch it anyway.
Does that make me a horrible person?
(LAUGHS) That's it?
I've got at least six patented methods
of watching shows Mom and Dad hate.
And I'd be happy to share my technique.
Oh, I really shouldn't.
Dad said "no." And it's against
my nature to get in trouble.
-I couldn't get...
-Oh! My bad.
Here, can I shine up those
goody two-shoes for you?
Bring on the Pooka.
Excellent.
I'm thinkin' we'll go with
patented method number four.
I just thought you might want some help
cleaning the storage closet.
A lot of things in there
could go to people in need.
Of course, my little bundle
of all that is sweet and good.
Just try not to work too hard, dear.
You wouldn't want
to strain your angel wings.
Thanks, Grandpa.
I love you.
I tell ya, that little girlie girl
can do no wrong. (FROWNS)
Too late, Pooka Pooka.
I'm turning your farm into
a minor league baseball stadium.
(EVIL LAUGHS)
Oh, you like baseball?
(LAUGHS) Well, here's the wind up.
(WHIRRING)
Whoa!
(GIGGLING)
And here's the pitch.
♪ One, two, three, four...
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
Whoa! (LAUGHS)
-Pooka Pooka!
-(THUDS)
-Have fun?
-(SHRIEKS) I did it. It was me.
Why are you sneaking into your own house?
It makes you look guilty.
Of course I look guilty.
I am guilty. I broke a rule.
Do you know how much trouble
I could get in? (GASPING)
Easy there, public enemy number one.
If I knew how bad
you were going to take it...
Bad? Are you joking?
I've never felt so alive!
-Huh?
-More! I have to have more!
More danger. More rule breaking.
I'll do anything!
Just take me along for the ride.
Yeah. I don't know if...
Hey, you, uh, wouldn't have
any ideas on getting past
the terrible teen security
system would you?
That alarm remote is so cool, Dad.
Can I study its internal wiring tonight?
I'm thinking of taking a course
in solid state circuitry.
Oh, sure thing, pumpkin. Anything for my
responsible and trustworthy little girl.
HALEY: Terrible teen main system
shut off activated.
I am definitely
liking the new Haley.
Whoa, wait. Nobody said we're doing
the costume thing again tonight.
I didn't bring my game pad.
I'm costume naked!
It ain't got nothin' to do with you, boy.
And everything to do with
helping my super fine
Kamikai boy recognize me.
Greetings. Would my lady
care to dance, dance party blast?
Why, yes, your lady would.
-What up, Spud?
-J-man, you made it, buddy.
Yeah! I got some help from...
Aah! Tattle-tale police!
Run, Jake. I'll distract her.
Hey... Hey, look, I'm a human petting zoo.
(BLEATS) I'm an old goat.
(COOING) I'm a baby piggy.
Someone scratch me.
It's okay, Spud. Haley's with me.
She's cool now.
Oh! Well, in that case, may I recommend
trying to score a free plastic tote bag?
Sure to become
a valuable collector's item.
Isn't that just for holding all the other
free stuff they give away?
(GASPS) Flying disks, yo-yos,
glow erasers, licorice joy sticks...
So much, so free.
It's like heaven got a bonus level.
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
-Well, looks like it's just you and...
-(SHRIEKS EXCITEDLY) Pooka Pooka!
(GIGGLING) Pooka, Pooka, Pooka!
Uh, okay. So we'll just meet
back at the house at midnight!
-(GRUNTING)
-(BELL DINGING)
Pooka Pooka! (SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS)
(TRIXIE SIGHS), (KISSES)
Shoot, I gotta go!
Yeah, tell me about it.
But once the Kamikai costume comes on,
it's like half an hour of zipper time
before you can even think about...
No, I mean, I gotta go home.
I'm way past my curfew.
-Well, can I see you some other...
- I really gotta go right now.
Huh?
That was awesome!
Where were you? I said midnight.
How come you never told me
how cool it was to walk on the wild side?
Whatever. Let's just get inside...
I blew a whole month
of allowance on Pooka Pooka stuff.
-They even had a DVD.
-That's great, but...
And what a rush shoving those other kids
out of the way
-to cut in the Pooka karaoke line.
-I'm sure it was very...
And it was pretty exciting
when I robbed grandpa's shop
on the way home.
Yeah, that's...
Wait. You what?
Don't be such a goody two-shoes, Jake.
Nobody saw me.
-(ALARM BLARING)
-(FU SNORING)
(MUMBLING)
Where is it? Come on,
which one of you is the snooze button.
(NERVOUSLY) But...
why would you do that?
Portable DVD player. Duh!
Gotta watch my Pooka Pooka.
You're not gonna tell on me, right?
Because that would be
an extremely bad idea.
Okay, good night.
Oh, man.
JONATHAN: (IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Jakeroo, Haley-Baley,
shake your legsies for bacon and eggsies.
Cool. I'm starving from, uh...
a full night of thinking
about my actions.
Okay, now, you got that right, mister.
Haley!
Okay, I'm coming already!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-What?
-Um... pumpkin.
Uh, there wouldn't happen to be a second
bonus April Fool's Day this year,
is there?
What is your problem, Dad? Ugh!
Cooked animals and mush. Yum.
Is something wrong, honey?
Jake, do you know anything about this?
-Uh...
-That reminds me,
I'm working on another art project.
It's an oatmeal painting.
I call it, the boy who talked too much.
Look familiar?
-And this is where the meat hammer goes.
-(CLATTERING)
-(SPITS)
-Oh!
A little gruesome,
don't you think, sweetie?
-Very creative use of raisins though.
-Whatever! I'm out.
Without your breakfast?
I'll pick up an energy drink
and some pork rinds on the way to school.
-Just butt out! Ugh!
-(DOOR SLAMS)
I took her too far too fast.
And now I don't know how
to bring her back.
If I tell my parents,
I'll never leave my room again.
Hey. You know what always
cheers me up?
The Spacedog armada
novelty slide whistle...
(WHISTLES)
...that makes circus music.
You think you've got trouble,
I didn't even get that boys name.
All I have to remember him by
is this Kamikai big hand glove.
There's still one night
of Vid Game Con left,
so why don't you just look for
the guy in the Kamikai costume?
You think he'd wear that thing
without the big hand?
Boy, please, my man keeps
his Kamikai riz-zeal. (CHUCKLES)
He's like a Kyle Wilkins with a sizzlin'
double scoop of mystery and excitement.
HALEY: Come on!
Give me the good stuff!
(MAN SCREAMING)
What the... Haley?
(GROWLING)
-(GRUNTING)
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
Mmm. Free nutterfudge bars!
-Want one?
-You can't just...
-Aren't you supposed to be in school?
-Aren't you?
-Huh?
-(BELL RINGING)
Better get back to class, Jake.
Dragon up!
(EXCLAIMS)
-(SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)
-(GRUNTING)
JAKE: Dragon up!
Get back here, you
little shoplifting punk!
Cool! Something to wash
down the nutterfudge.
Five claw discount.
(HISSES)
(CAN CLANGS)
Haley, you're kind of going overboard
with this breaking the rules thing.
Talk to the can, Johnny no fun.
-(HISSES)
-Hey, that's... (SPITS)
-(HUMMING)
-(HISSES)
(NEIGHS)
I'm not playing here, Haley!
(GASPS)
(IN DEEP VOICE) Hello, school nurse?
This is Haley Long's doctor.
She's very sick with a booger infection
and can't come to school for at least...
-(IN NORMAL VOICE) Hey!
-Game over. I'm taking you home.
You're not the dragon master of me.
Oh, you do not want to escalate.
BOTH: Dragon up!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
-(ALARM BEEPING)
-Ooh! Pooka Pooka time!
Pooka Pooka!
Huh?
-Hello?
-MAN ON TV: My prized posies.
-Pooka Pooka!
-(HALEY LAUGHING)
What are you doing?
Uh, Pooka cha-cha?
Don't worry, Princess.
Mom and Dad aren't home.
Come on and watch with me.
It's an all-new episode today.
-Uh...
-(TELEPHONE RINGING)
-Hello.
-Jake? Have you seen Haley?
It's so off her life path to be late
for dragon training.
-Uh, Haley's not really herself right now.
-Jake!
I'm trying to watch Pooka Pooka!
-Ha! I know what...
-Was that Haley?
-Can I speak with her?
-♪ One, two, three, four... ♪
-What's that?
-(SINGING ON TV CONTINUES)
-Wait. That's singing.
-JAKE: It's just Haley's dumb TV show.
(SHUSHES) I'm listening.
Get Haley away from the television. Now!
Aw, man!
-(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)
-♪ We'll start talking...
♪ Hey, there, Pooka fans
give me some love... ♪
-(BEEPS)
-SUSAN: I was really hoping
-I wasn't right.
-What is it? What's going on?
That's no puppet. He's a real Pooka.
A powerful, magical creature
skilled in enchantments.
And those songs of his
are mind-control spells.
Mind control? But you and me we...
We just got one small dose.
Who knows how much Haley's been getting.
And every other Pooka Pooka fan out there.
There could be thousands under his spell.
-The Pooka thrives on mayhem and chaos.
-We gotto tell Gramps.
There's gotta be a potion or something
to switch those kids back to normal.
There's no time. If Haley's gone,
then the Pooka must already
be gathering his hoodlum troops.
We have to find them now!
Couldn't be that hard. How could you
not spot a furry puppet dude
rounding up a huge crowd of kids?
Unless there already was
a huge crowd of kids. Come on!
-(KIDS LAUGHING)
-ALL: Pooka Pooka rules!
-JAKE: In here.
-Any sign of them?
-No, I can't see any...
-TRIXIE: Try it on!
I have to find my man.
If the big hand fits, you must be it.
Oh, no! I don't know what kind
of stank is in there.
Try it on!
Okay, it ain't you. You then.
Or you. Or you.
Trix, Haley's been taken by
some little puppet dude,
-and we can't find her or him anywhere.
-(STRAINING)
I may be reaching,
but what about that furry little guy
over there?
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
(GASPS)
-(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
-(ALL SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)
ALL: Pooka, Pooka!
-(RUMBLING)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(CRACKLING)
-(ALL SHOUTING)
-JAKE: Come on.
Yep, I'm...
(GRUNTS) slowly... coming.
Dragons! (GASPS)
POOKA: Faster, gang. Let's take this
Pooka party downstairs!
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
Excuse me. Coming through.
(CRASHES)
(THUDDING)
Into the trains!
Let's go Pooka-wild on this city.
-(LAUGHS)
-(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
You take the Pooka,
and I'll use my meditation training
to calm the crowd.
Okay, people.
Breathe in the light
and out the evil puppet man.
We made it!
(DIGITAL BEEPS)
Pooka, on the loose-a... (GRUNTS)
Not quite.
End of the line, fuzzball.
Ain't this a precarious situation.
-HALEY: I'll protect you, master.
-(CRACKLING)
-Haley, no! No!
-Dragon up!
(JAKE GROANS)
So I've got a very special Pooka fan,
do I? Hmm.
Clear your minds, people.
Break the spell.
Violence is the path of
the weak and cowardly.
-BOY: Ah! Forget you!
-GIRL: Get her!
-BOY 2: Get out of the way!
-(CHILDREN MURMURING)
(SUSAN GRUNTING)
Come on, sister. Go weak and cowardly
on their behinds already.
-(GRUNTING)
-(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
-(BOTH GRUNTING)
-HALEY: Stop! Stop!
Sorry, Pooka pals.
But one dragon is worth
1,000 of you losers. (LAUGHING)
-(DIGITAL BEEPS)
-Ta-tee-ta-ta!
-Haley!
-Jakey!
(ALL SOBBING)
Hey, I made it.
-JAKE: Stop!
-(JAKE AND HALEY GRUNTING)
(LAUGHS) Pooka pain! Pooka poke!
Take that Pooka hater down!
We can go raise some mayhem dragon style!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Give it up, Haley. I'm bigger, stronger,
and been doing this longer.
-Ahhh!
-(GRUNTS)
-(GROANS)
-Yeah? Well, I cheat.
-Ha! Missed me! Missed me! Now you...
-(GRUNTS) Hiyah!
-(CRASHES)
-JAKE: Ahhh!
(GROANING)
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
Whoa!
Haley, hang on!
-KID 1: Where are we?
-KID 2: What do we do?
There's too many of them.
There's no way we can get all these kids
focused on one thing.
There is one way,
but it requires a sacrifice
almost too horrible to contemplate.
Well, get on with the sacrifice, boy!
(SIGHS) All right.
Hey! Who likes free video game
related promotional toys?
(ALL CHEERING)
That's it. One at a time.
Off you go up the stairs, little kipper.
Really? You're in a band, too?
Well, actually I just play the tambourine
and smile a lot, but...
(JAKE GRUNTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Come on, fight like a Pooka.
Go for the cheap shot!
-(GRUNTS)
-Who's the big,
strong dragon now, huh, Jake?
Finish him. Pooka commands you.
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
(GRUNTS) Come on, Haley,
you can fight his brainwashing.
Remember who you are
deep down.
-I know you can do it!
-You don't know me at all.
Then I guess you won't mind
if I do this.
-(PHONE DIALING)
-Hey, mom. Jake.
I just called to tell you me and Haley
snuck out of the house
to go to Vid Game Con... twice.
SUSAN: What?
-No! No!
-SUSAN: You are both...
-You told on me?
-What do you care?
We're Pooka people.
We're all about the fun.
Oh. And Haley says to tell dad she's been
watching that puppet show he hates.
DAD: Now, you know how
I hate that creepy puppet.
You get home right away.
That is a bunch of brainwashing.
Whoo-hoo! Sounds like we're in
pretty big trouble.
Trouble? I can't get in trouble.
It's against my nature!
This is... This is...
This is all your fault!
You made me do all this!
You want first crack at him?
HALEY: (GRUNTS) Hi-yah!
-(CHILDREN CHEERING)
-Yo, Spud.
I can't believe you gave up all
the free goodies.
All possessions are fleeting,
but a good deed is eternal.
Dang! I was just gonna say sometimes
life's a punk like that,
but yours was way more poetic.
Hey, hey! It's my Kamikai girlfriend.
Oh, and you found my big hand glove.
Uh, what you talkin' about, short stuff?
Oh, yeah. That's the custom fit.
Oh, no. Pump them brakes.
You are not my Kamikai man.
You're like six years younger
and umpteen inches shorter.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, you'd be amazed what
platform boots and foam muscles can do.
You wanna go dance again?
Or we could just kiss or something.
Aw, man. I thought you were a Kyle Wilkins
of mystery and excitement.
You know my big brother Kyle?
How cool!
I'll have to tell him
we're boyfriend/girlfriend.
-Uh, what's your name again?
-(CHOKES)
Oh, no! (CRYING)
Sorry, I went hostile on you.
No, it's my fault. If I hadn't
teased you into breaking the rules,
you never would have gotten
hooked on that show.
I guess maybe being a goody two-shoes
isn't such a bad thing.
It was kind of fun hanging out with you.
Good. 'Cause I got a feeling
we're gonna be spending
a whole lot of time at home together.
MOM: You are both grounded.
Grounded! Do you hear me?
DAD: That is right.
You will never leave my house again...
-BOTH: Aw, man!
-...so help me Mr. and Ms. Missy,
you are staying here
if I have to bolt you to the floor.
HALEY: We regret to inform you
Pooka Pooka Fun Fun Farm
has been permanently cancelled.
Instead, enjoy this educational program
that will stimulate your mind
and make you a more
self-actualized young person.
-(Für Elise PLAYING)
-HALEY: Ludwig Von Beethoven.
The water cycle.
The Pythagorean theorem.
Okay, even I have to admit this is boring.
Let's watch belching monkeys.
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(BELCHING)
HALEY: Oh, yeah. Now that's good TV.
(BURPING CONTINUES)
blasting, blinking, blazmataz!
If heaven is anything like
a video game convention,
I'm prepared to be a very,
very good boy to get there.
Plastic bag? For free?
Oh, Jake, this is heaven!
And I can't believe you're missin' it.
Hey, that's great. Why don't you remind me
how much fun you're having
while I'm here painting
self-portraits with my toes.
Stupid school-night-
no-going-out rules.
I'll tell you what? I can't believe
that I let you talk me into this wearing
this Kamikai Big Hand Kung Fu 3 costume.
-I thought we were both gonna dress up.
-I told you it's a team costume.
I'm the Kamikai player.
Well, you can switch it
to solo mode, playa.
I'm not sticking around here dressed like
some kind of bride of freakenstein.
Nice Kamikai costume!
(GRUNTING IN APPROVAL)
This really is heaven.
Oh! Sorry for rubbing it in, Jakey.
-Have fun with that toe thing.
-Yo, I can't take this anymore!
SPUD: Uh, could you repeat that?
All the fun makes it pretty hard to hear.
Just save me a spot in
the game testing line. I'm on my way.
Well, most of me anyway.
Yes, a perfect chi doppelganger copy.
Give it up for dragon powers.
Dragon up!
Just lie down and pretend to be asleep.
I'll be home at...
HALEY: (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Jake, can I come in?
I need the glue for an art project.
It's, uh, not in here.
HALEY: Mom says it's in your closet.
Come on, Jake! My toothpick Taj Mahal
is already crumbling.
Yo, Haley.
Can't you see the door's locked?
It's okay. I figured out
how to pick this lock ages ago.
What? No! Hey!
Why is the window open?
Is there a fire or trouble outside?
Where are you going, Jake?
-I, uh... It's...
-Yes, Jake, where are you going?
Getting some... more glue?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun
♪ He's young and fast
he's the chosen one
♪ People, we're not bragging
♪ He's the American Dragon
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burning dragon fire
♪ A real live wire
♪ American Dragon
♪ American Dragon
♪ He's the American Dragon
♪ His skills are getting faster
♪ With Grandpa, the master
♪ His destiny, what's up, G?
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
♪ American Dragon
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny
-♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC
-Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
(GONG SOUNDING)
(GRUNTING) If disappointment
were donuts,
I would be drowning in powdered sugar
right now, mister.
If we can't trust you not to sneak out,
then we're gonna have to find
other ways to keep you safe.
Like this ground-o-matic
terrible teen security system.
Window and door alarms, motion sensor,
a siren like a fire truck
driving straight through your eardrums.
How do you like those rotten apples,
Sir sneaks-a-lot-out-a-lot.
-I...
-That's right.
I don't think any of us have
anything left to say except...
(ALARM BEEPING)
Don't you think dad's going a little
overboard on this?
I mean, what if I got dragon business
late at night?
Then your grandfather will call me,
and I'll turn off the system.
-But, mom, that's...
-I'm sorry, Jake.
But you brought this on yourself.
-(ALARM BLARING)
-Teenager escaping!
-(AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKING SPANISH)
-SUSAN: Whoa!
-Jonathan!
-(ALARM BEEPS)
-Whoa.
-(THUDS)
-(ALARM BEEPING)
-SUSAN: (COUGHS) Thanks, honey.
I brought back the glue.
What? Are you giving me
the silent treatment?
Because it doesn't work
if I don't know for sure you're doing it.
See, the whole point is that...
Yes! I'm giving you the silent treatment.
Uh, you're not very good at it then.
But it's not like I deserve it anyway.
Of course not. You're miss goody two-shoes
who never does anything wrong.
-What? Is that supposed to be a bad thing?
-Polly perfect.
-I never said I was...
-Nelly McNice-nice.
-Please stop that.
-Princess Kiss-up.
-I asked you to...
-Debbie do-good.
-That's not...
-St. Perfectus.
-I said...
-Little Haley Halo.
Stop it! I'm not always
a goody two-shoes.
Sometimes I start to think about
maybe doing something
-that's not completely good.
-Oh, yeah? Like what?
Okay. I've got one.
There's this new TV show I like called
Pooka, Pooka, Fun, Fun, Fun!
It's about a wacky puppet and crazy songs,
and it's not even educational,
but it's so, so funny.
Dad says I'm not allowed to watch.
He says the Pooka puppet
is too darn creepy.
But I really want to watch it anyway.
Does that make me a horrible person?
(LAUGHS) That's it?
I've got at least six patented methods
of watching shows Mom and Dad hate.
And I'd be happy to share my technique.
Oh, I really shouldn't.
Dad said "no." And it's against
my nature to get in trouble.
-I couldn't get...
-Oh! My bad.
Here, can I shine up those
goody two-shoes for you?
Bring on the Pooka.
Excellent.
I'm thinkin' we'll go with
patented method number four.
I just thought you might want some help
cleaning the storage closet.
A lot of things in there
could go to people in need.
Of course, my little bundle
of all that is sweet and good.
Just try not to work too hard, dear.
You wouldn't want
to strain your angel wings.
Thanks, Grandpa.
I love you.
I tell ya, that little girlie girl
can do no wrong. (FROWNS)
Too late, Pooka Pooka.
I'm turning your farm into
a minor league baseball stadium.
(EVIL LAUGHS)
Oh, you like baseball?
(LAUGHS) Well, here's the wind up.
(WHIRRING)
Whoa!
(GIGGLING)
And here's the pitch.
♪ One, two, three, four...
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
Whoa! (LAUGHS)
-Pooka Pooka!
-(THUDS)
-Have fun?
-(SHRIEKS) I did it. It was me.
Why are you sneaking into your own house?
It makes you look guilty.
Of course I look guilty.
I am guilty. I broke a rule.
Do you know how much trouble
I could get in? (GASPING)
Easy there, public enemy number one.
If I knew how bad
you were going to take it...
Bad? Are you joking?
I've never felt so alive!
-Huh?
-More! I have to have more!
More danger. More rule breaking.
I'll do anything!
Just take me along for the ride.
Yeah. I don't know if...
Hey, you, uh, wouldn't have
any ideas on getting past
the terrible teen security
system would you?
That alarm remote is so cool, Dad.
Can I study its internal wiring tonight?
I'm thinking of taking a course
in solid state circuitry.
Oh, sure thing, pumpkin. Anything for my
responsible and trustworthy little girl.
HALEY: Terrible teen main system
shut off activated.
I am definitely
liking the new Haley.
Whoa, wait. Nobody said we're doing
the costume thing again tonight.
I didn't bring my game pad.
I'm costume naked!
It ain't got nothin' to do with you, boy.
And everything to do with
helping my super fine
Kamikai boy recognize me.
Greetings. Would my lady
care to dance, dance party blast?
Why, yes, your lady would.
-What up, Spud?
-J-man, you made it, buddy.
Yeah! I got some help from...
Aah! Tattle-tale police!
Run, Jake. I'll distract her.
Hey... Hey, look, I'm a human petting zoo.
(BLEATS) I'm an old goat.
(COOING) I'm a baby piggy.
Someone scratch me.
It's okay, Spud. Haley's with me.
She's cool now.
Oh! Well, in that case, may I recommend
trying to score a free plastic tote bag?
Sure to become
a valuable collector's item.
Isn't that just for holding all the other
free stuff they give away?
(GASPS) Flying disks, yo-yos,
glow erasers, licorice joy sticks...
So much, so free.
It's like heaven got a bonus level.
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
-Well, looks like it's just you and...
-(SHRIEKS EXCITEDLY) Pooka Pooka!
(GIGGLING) Pooka, Pooka, Pooka!
Uh, okay. So we'll just meet
back at the house at midnight!
-(GRUNTING)
-(BELL DINGING)
Pooka Pooka! (SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS)
(TRIXIE SIGHS), (KISSES)
Shoot, I gotta go!
Yeah, tell me about it.
But once the Kamikai costume comes on,
it's like half an hour of zipper time
before you can even think about...
No, I mean, I gotta go home.
I'm way past my curfew.
-Well, can I see you some other...
- I really gotta go right now.
Huh?
That was awesome!
Where were you? I said midnight.
How come you never told me
how cool it was to walk on the wild side?
Whatever. Let's just get inside...
I blew a whole month
of allowance on Pooka Pooka stuff.
-They even had a DVD.
-That's great, but...
And what a rush shoving those other kids
out of the way
-to cut in the Pooka karaoke line.
-I'm sure it was very...
And it was pretty exciting
when I robbed grandpa's shop
on the way home.
Yeah, that's...
Wait. You what?
Don't be such a goody two-shoes, Jake.
Nobody saw me.
-(ALARM BLARING)
-(FU SNORING)
(MUMBLING)
Where is it? Come on,
which one of you is the snooze button.
(NERVOUSLY) But...
why would you do that?
Portable DVD player. Duh!
Gotta watch my Pooka Pooka.
You're not gonna tell on me, right?
Because that would be
an extremely bad idea.
Okay, good night.
Oh, man.
JONATHAN: (IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Jakeroo, Haley-Baley,
shake your legsies for bacon and eggsies.
Cool. I'm starving from, uh...
a full night of thinking
about my actions.
Okay, now, you got that right, mister.
Haley!
Okay, I'm coming already!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-What?
-Um... pumpkin.
Uh, there wouldn't happen to be a second
bonus April Fool's Day this year,
is there?
What is your problem, Dad? Ugh!
Cooked animals and mush. Yum.
Is something wrong, honey?
Jake, do you know anything about this?
-Uh...
-That reminds me,
I'm working on another art project.
It's an oatmeal painting.
I call it, the boy who talked too much.
Look familiar?
-And this is where the meat hammer goes.
-(CLATTERING)
-(SPITS)
-Oh!
A little gruesome,
don't you think, sweetie?
-Very creative use of raisins though.
-Whatever! I'm out.
Without your breakfast?
I'll pick up an energy drink
and some pork rinds on the way to school.
-Just butt out! Ugh!
-(DOOR SLAMS)
I took her too far too fast.
And now I don't know how
to bring her back.
If I tell my parents,
I'll never leave my room again.
Hey. You know what always
cheers me up?
The Spacedog armada
novelty slide whistle...
(WHISTLES)
...that makes circus music.
You think you've got trouble,
I didn't even get that boys name.
All I have to remember him by
is this Kamikai big hand glove.
There's still one night
of Vid Game Con left,
so why don't you just look for
the guy in the Kamikai costume?
You think he'd wear that thing
without the big hand?
Boy, please, my man keeps
his Kamikai riz-zeal. (CHUCKLES)
He's like a Kyle Wilkins with a sizzlin'
double scoop of mystery and excitement.
HALEY: Come on!
Give me the good stuff!
(MAN SCREAMING)
What the... Haley?
(GROWLING)
-(GRUNTING)
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
Mmm. Free nutterfudge bars!
-Want one?
-You can't just...
-Aren't you supposed to be in school?
-Aren't you?
-Huh?
-(BELL RINGING)
Better get back to class, Jake.
Dragon up!
(EXCLAIMS)
-(SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)
-(GRUNTING)
JAKE: Dragon up!
Get back here, you
little shoplifting punk!
Cool! Something to wash
down the nutterfudge.
Five claw discount.
(HISSES)
(CAN CLANGS)
Haley, you're kind of going overboard
with this breaking the rules thing.
Talk to the can, Johnny no fun.
-(HISSES)
-Hey, that's... (SPITS)
-(HUMMING)
-(HISSES)
(NEIGHS)
I'm not playing here, Haley!
(GASPS)
(IN DEEP VOICE) Hello, school nurse?
This is Haley Long's doctor.
She's very sick with a booger infection
and can't come to school for at least...
-(IN NORMAL VOICE) Hey!
-Game over. I'm taking you home.
You're not the dragon master of me.
Oh, you do not want to escalate.
BOTH: Dragon up!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
-(ALARM BEEPING)
-Ooh! Pooka Pooka time!
Pooka Pooka!
Huh?
-Hello?
-MAN ON TV: My prized posies.
-Pooka Pooka!
-(HALEY LAUGHING)
What are you doing?
Uh, Pooka cha-cha?
Don't worry, Princess.
Mom and Dad aren't home.
Come on and watch with me.
It's an all-new episode today.
-Uh...
-(TELEPHONE RINGING)
-Hello.
-Jake? Have you seen Haley?
It's so off her life path to be late
for dragon training.
-Uh, Haley's not really herself right now.
-Jake!
I'm trying to watch Pooka Pooka!
-Ha! I know what...
-Was that Haley?
-Can I speak with her?
-♪ One, two, three, four... ♪
-What's that?
-(SINGING ON TV CONTINUES)
-Wait. That's singing.
-JAKE: It's just Haley's dumb TV show.
(SHUSHES) I'm listening.
Get Haley away from the television. Now!
Aw, man!
-(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)
-♪ We'll start talking...
♪ Hey, there, Pooka fans
give me some love... ♪
-(BEEPS)
-SUSAN: I was really hoping
-I wasn't right.
-What is it? What's going on?
That's no puppet. He's a real Pooka.
A powerful, magical creature
skilled in enchantments.
And those songs of his
are mind-control spells.
Mind control? But you and me we...
We just got one small dose.
Who knows how much Haley's been getting.
And every other Pooka Pooka fan out there.
There could be thousands under his spell.
-The Pooka thrives on mayhem and chaos.
-We gotto tell Gramps.
There's gotta be a potion or something
to switch those kids back to normal.
There's no time. If Haley's gone,
then the Pooka must already
be gathering his hoodlum troops.
We have to find them now!
Couldn't be that hard. How could you
not spot a furry puppet dude
rounding up a huge crowd of kids?
Unless there already was
a huge crowd of kids. Come on!
-(KIDS LAUGHING)
-ALL: Pooka Pooka rules!
-JAKE: In here.
-Any sign of them?
-No, I can't see any...
-TRIXIE: Try it on!
I have to find my man.
If the big hand fits, you must be it.
Oh, no! I don't know what kind
of stank is in there.
Try it on!
Okay, it ain't you. You then.
Or you. Or you.
Trix, Haley's been taken by
some little puppet dude,
-and we can't find her or him anywhere.
-(STRAINING)
I may be reaching,
but what about that furry little guy
over there?
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
(GASPS)
-(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
-(ALL SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)
ALL: Pooka, Pooka!
-(RUMBLING)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(CRACKLING)
-(ALL SHOUTING)
-JAKE: Come on.
Yep, I'm...
(GRUNTS) slowly... coming.
Dragons! (GASPS)
POOKA: Faster, gang. Let's take this
Pooka party downstairs!
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
Excuse me. Coming through.
(CRASHES)
(THUDDING)
Into the trains!
Let's go Pooka-wild on this city.
-(LAUGHS)
-(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
You take the Pooka,
and I'll use my meditation training
to calm the crowd.
Okay, people.
Breathe in the light
and out the evil puppet man.
We made it!
(DIGITAL BEEPS)
Pooka, on the loose-a... (GRUNTS)
Not quite.
End of the line, fuzzball.
Ain't this a precarious situation.
-HALEY: I'll protect you, master.
-(CRACKLING)
-Haley, no! No!
-Dragon up!
(JAKE GROANS)
So I've got a very special Pooka fan,
do I? Hmm.
Clear your minds, people.
Break the spell.
Violence is the path of
the weak and cowardly.
-BOY: Ah! Forget you!
-GIRL: Get her!
-BOY 2: Get out of the way!
-(CHILDREN MURMURING)
(SUSAN GRUNTING)
Come on, sister. Go weak and cowardly
on their behinds already.
-(GRUNTING)
-(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
-(BOTH GRUNTING)
-HALEY: Stop! Stop!
Sorry, Pooka pals.
But one dragon is worth
1,000 of you losers. (LAUGHING)
-(DIGITAL BEEPS)
-Ta-tee-ta-ta!
-Haley!
-Jakey!
(ALL SOBBING)
Hey, I made it.
-JAKE: Stop!
-(JAKE AND HALEY GRUNTING)
(LAUGHS) Pooka pain! Pooka poke!
Take that Pooka hater down!
We can go raise some mayhem dragon style!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Give it up, Haley. I'm bigger, stronger,
and been doing this longer.
-Ahhh!
-(GRUNTS)
-(GROANS)
-Yeah? Well, I cheat.
-Ha! Missed me! Missed me! Now you...
-(GRUNTS) Hiyah!
-(CRASHES)
-JAKE: Ahhh!
(GROANING)
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
Whoa!
Haley, hang on!
-KID 1: Where are we?
-KID 2: What do we do?
There's too many of them.
There's no way we can get all these kids
focused on one thing.
There is one way,
but it requires a sacrifice
almost too horrible to contemplate.
Well, get on with the sacrifice, boy!
(SIGHS) All right.
Hey! Who likes free video game
related promotional toys?
(ALL CHEERING)
That's it. One at a time.
Off you go up the stairs, little kipper.
Really? You're in a band, too?
Well, actually I just play the tambourine
and smile a lot, but...
(JAKE GRUNTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Come on, fight like a Pooka.
Go for the cheap shot!
-(GRUNTS)
-Who's the big,
strong dragon now, huh, Jake?
Finish him. Pooka commands you.
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
(GRUNTS) Come on, Haley,
you can fight his brainwashing.
Remember who you are
deep down.
-I know you can do it!
-You don't know me at all.
Then I guess you won't mind
if I do this.
-(PHONE DIALING)
-Hey, mom. Jake.
I just called to tell you me and Haley
snuck out of the house
to go to Vid Game Con... twice.
SUSAN: What?
-No! No!
-SUSAN: You are both...
-You told on me?
-What do you care?
We're Pooka people.
We're all about the fun.
Oh. And Haley says to tell dad she's been
watching that puppet show he hates.
DAD: Now, you know how
I hate that creepy puppet.
You get home right away.
That is a bunch of brainwashing.
Whoo-hoo! Sounds like we're in
pretty big trouble.
Trouble? I can't get in trouble.
It's against my nature!
This is... This is...
This is all your fault!
You made me do all this!
You want first crack at him?
HALEY: (GRUNTS) Hi-yah!
-(CHILDREN CHEERING)
-Yo, Spud.
I can't believe you gave up all
the free goodies.
All possessions are fleeting,
but a good deed is eternal.
Dang! I was just gonna say sometimes
life's a punk like that,
but yours was way more poetic.
Hey, hey! It's my Kamikai girlfriend.
Oh, and you found my big hand glove.
Uh, what you talkin' about, short stuff?
Oh, yeah. That's the custom fit.
Oh, no. Pump them brakes.
You are not my Kamikai man.
You're like six years younger
and umpteen inches shorter.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, you'd be amazed what
platform boots and foam muscles can do.
You wanna go dance again?
Or we could just kiss or something.
Aw, man. I thought you were a Kyle Wilkins
of mystery and excitement.
You know my big brother Kyle?
How cool!
I'll have to tell him
we're boyfriend/girlfriend.
-Uh, what's your name again?
-(CHOKES)
Oh, no! (CRYING)
Sorry, I went hostile on you.
No, it's my fault. If I hadn't
teased you into breaking the rules,
you never would have gotten
hooked on that show.
I guess maybe being a goody two-shoes
isn't such a bad thing.
It was kind of fun hanging out with you.
Good. 'Cause I got a feeling
we're gonna be spending
a whole lot of time at home together.
MOM: You are both grounded.
Grounded! Do you hear me?
DAD: That is right.
You will never leave my house again...
-BOTH: Aw, man!
-...so help me Mr. and Ms. Missy,
you are staying here
if I have to bolt you to the floor.
HALEY: We regret to inform you
Pooka Pooka Fun Fun Farm
has been permanently cancelled.
Instead, enjoy this educational program
that will stimulate your mind
and make you a more
self-actualized young person.
-(Für Elise PLAYING)
-HALEY: Ludwig Von Beethoven.
The water cycle.
The Pythagorean theorem.
Okay, even I have to admit this is boring.
Let's watch belching monkeys.
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(BELCHING)
HALEY: Oh, yeah. Now that's good TV.
(BURPING CONTINUES)