American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 12 - Feeding Frenzy - full transcript
Jake must protect the trident while competing with his cousin.
(SINGING) ♪ Packy packy
Put it in the sacky ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm never coming backy ♪
♪ From vacation ♪
(HUMMING)
Oh. I'm begging, Dad!
Full on, down-on-my-knees action here.
Please don't make me go
to Aunt Cathy's this year!
(CHUCKLES) No can do, Jake-a-roo!
It's your mother's family reunion,
and that means
all the family has to be there
to, you know, re...
Une.
That's exactly the problem.
WOMAN 1: Aw.
WOMAN 2: Isn't he precious?
Cootchie-coo!
WOMAN 3: Jakey want the Teddy bear?
I'm tired of all Mom's family
treating me like a baby...
-(KIDS YELLING)
-Just 'cause I'm still stuck
at the kiddy table
with annoying cousin Greggy
and all the other snot-wipers.
(SNIFFLING)
Litchi nut pudding?
I'm the oldest one there.
When do I get my turn
at the big time?
Well, I'm sorry, Jake,
but the grownup table is at max capacity
so unless one of your aunts or uncles
skips the reunion,
-or heaven forbid.
-HALEY: Oh, no!
That's terrible, Aunt Cathy!
Uncle Lee had to get
his appendix out.
He's okay,
but he's gonna miss the family reunion.
(CHUCKLES) No way.
Lee's appendix is out,
which means I'm in?
(SINGING) ♪ Yeah! Go appendix! ♪
♪ Go appendix
Holla back now, appendicitis ♪
Uh, I'm just... (CHUCKLES)
Excited he's okay?
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not bragging ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster
with Grandpa the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy! ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
(GRAMPS SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
SUSAN: Lotus flower beats swan.
You're stuck with Jonathan this year.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
He's your husband. Why must I be the one
to baby-sit him?
I've missed plenty
of family reunions already
trying to keep Jonathan
away from our magical family secret.
For Pete's sake, I didn't even get
to enjoy my own wedding reception.
(SNEEZING)
I bring 99 garden gnomes.
Good luck for the bride and...
Whoopsie.
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Now, what in the dickens is...
I had to tell him that body-slamming
the groom into the wedding cake
is an ancient Chinese custom.
She's right, Gramps.
You gotta keep him away from that reunion.
Your family's just too sloppy
at keepin' a secret double life...
JONATHAN: All ready-roo!
Who's up for a family funboree?
-Oh, me.
-Jake?
I've never seen you so excited
to see my family before.
You kidding? Three days
on Aunt Cathy's private island
in the Florida Keys?
What's not to love?
Nice place.
Just find me what I need,
and it's all ours.
WOMAN: Oh, Susan!
So good to see you!
Haley, Fu,
you both look fabulous!
Thank you, Aunt Cathy.
Yeah, great.
Been cuttin' the carbs.
-Where's Uncle Lao Shi?
-He'll be taking care
of Jonathan for a few days.
JONATHAN: I don't mean to be
a nosy-rosy,
but why did we just waste
two perfectly good plane tickets
-to drive all the way to Florida?
-I told you,
because I am afraid to fly.
Now, bear right.
JONATHAN: Are you sure?
Because the sign says...
Do not question the navigator,
-daughter's husband!
-Right, now!
(SCREAMS)
Right.
The non-magical husband.
Oh, and who is this big, handsome man?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, big man.
You're just in time for dinner,
and I've got an extra special seat
saved just for you!
Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.
Now food me up at the...
-Kiddy table?
-(KIDS CLAMORING)
Please, Jake, I prefer you call it
the responsible young adults table.
Sun taught me
we should always treat others
as if they already were
what we expect them to become.
It's from Gerta. Cousin Andrew,
would you please pass the butter?
Butter? Fine!
I am a hummingbird in the breeze.
I am a hummingbird in the breeze.
Yo. I got robbed here.
I'm the next oldest in the family.
What happened to my seat at the...
(SNIFFS)
-Rice pudding?
-Thank you, Gregory.
Cousin Greggy?
We're supposed to call him Gregory now.
I don't care what we call him!
He's a year younger than me.
How'd he get my seat?
You mean, you don't know?
Gregory got his...
(WHISPERS) Dragon powers.
Okay, that's it!
(SIGHS) Okay, how to put this?
I'm stuck at the kiddy table
all because Cousin Greggy
just now got his dragon powers?
Jake, maybe we should
discuss this later.
Okay, first of all, it's Gregory.
And second of all,
don't his cheeks look super pinchable?
They sure are!
Cootchie-cootchie-coo.
Uh, maybe ya'll don't realize,
but I've been the American dragon
for like a year and a half now!
I've fought nixes and krylocks and...
Aw, how adorable.
He's jealous.
Have you seen Gregory's dragon form?
Very impressive.
Why don't you just go back to your seat
with the other children, dear?
If you're a good boy, maybe later Aunt Mai
will let you play with her teeth.
Yeah?
(SIGHS) But I...
Greggy...
(GROANS)
Why do you not trust the navigator?
I do! I do, honestly.
It's just, well, I'm havin' trouble
seeing how we ended up
way over here in western Kentucky.
I assumed you would want to see
the world's largest turkey farm.
Well, duh. Normally, you bet
your butter-basted beak I would,
but we're already
late enough as is.
-Besides, it's night.
-(TURKEY GOBBLES)
I mean, how can we
get a gander at the gobblers
when we can't even see
the... (GRUNTS)
I think the little nipper
just nipped me in the... (YELPS)
Okay, Mr. Gizzard.
Now, that's quite enough of that.
(SCREAMS)
They've got a taste for man!
Back in the car!
Yeah, just so you know,
I'm the only dragon who counts here.
You want the throne,
you gotta take out the king.
You mean the royal pain?
-Let's do it.
-Yeah, that's what I...
-Wait, what?
-If you're such a great dragon,
prove it.
You and me in a face-off.
Winner gets the chair
at the grownup table,
loser gets...
BOY: I can suck noodles in my nose!
-(KIDS SCREAM)
-GIRL: Noodle snot!
(HESITATINGLY) Okay. I'm in.
So, um, what did you have in mind?
All right,
standard dragon challenge rules.
You're gonna trade off
pickin' the challenges.
If the other guy muffs your test,
that's a point for you.
He makes it, one point for him.
Best two out of three wins. Got it?
Mmm-hmm.
Dragon up!
That's all you got?
Please, cuz.
Dragon up!
(CHUCKLES) You scared yet?
Oh, I'm scared...
That whatever you got
is contagious.
Did I not tell you
Gregory's dragon form was impressive?
What? Oh.
Looks like they're having
some sort of competition.
Okay. Ooh-hoo.
Studly, you're up.
What's the challenge?
All right, well,
let's test your fire-breathing, dragon.
Try this one on for size.
Wow. Jake's fire-breathing
has really come along.
Mmm-hmm.
Greggy like to give his competitors
a false sense of self-confidence
before he crushes them.
Rip him to pieces, honey!
Point, Jake, and he's up.
How about some speed flying?
One time around the beach.
We'll go on three.
You ready?
-Hey, yo, yo, what are you doing?
-You said three! You said three!
(PANTING)
Ha! Taste my dragon dust, Greggy!
Dragons?
Oh. Thank goodness.
My point. My point.
-Say?
-Say, what?
You said, one time around the beach.
You did 13, so you're disqualified.
-My point.
-Okay, fine.
It's not like you're gonna score
another point.
My turn, my turn again.
Okay, I challenge you to go...
Oh, dragons.
I am so glad I found you.
I need your help.
They're comin' after me,
and they're planning to...
(YELPS)
Hey, stop!
You can't attract attention.
They'll see us and...
I challenge you to beat
this magical sea beast before I do!
She's not a sea beast, fool.
-She's trying to talk.
-Gregory, no.
Oh, that's my boy.
That is such a powerful young man.
(YELPS) Quit!
(PANTING)
JAKE: No! Wait!
Come back!
Oh, yeah.
You better run.
Yo, I can't believe you just...
Saved us all.
My big man hero.
Two out of three. I win!
I beat the American Dragon!
-Can I get a whoop?
-ALL: Whoop!
-What?
-BOY: Hey, look.
It's not creamed corn.
It's brains!
(ALL LAUGH)
No, no, no, it's a mantra.
You're supposed to chant it with me.
Ohm shaka laka laka laka.
Ohm shaka laka laka laka.
Huh, what?
Uh, your patootie likes potatoes.
JAKE: Aw, man!
FU: Nifty bubble, huh, kid?
I always keep a few magical air capsules
handy just in case a...
Oh, my sushi sense is tingling.
-(ROARS)
-Focus, Fu.
That shark lady could be anywhere.
Wait a minute,
we're lookin' for the shark lady?
I figured you were taking a break
from Greggy the great
and the cootchie-coo patrol.
She looked pretty scared. Whatever trouble
she's in, it must be serious.
And if our search happens to get you away
from the family for a while...
It's all good.
Say what?
GREGORY: Whoo-hoo! Catch the donuts!
-Yeah!
-Yo, Greggy,
I'm trying to do
some dragon work down here.
You sure that's such a good idea?
'Cause we got sharks in here,
and we all saw how scared
the widdle baby dwagon is of sharks!
(LAUGHS)
You want to order a four-flipper
slapdown for the kid?
'Cause I would love to deliver it.
Okay, first off,
I'm a year older than you,
so step off the baby stuff,
and, second,
-I am not scared of sh... Whoa!
-Not good.
Ha! Nice try, faker.
(GRUNTS)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gut him, Tiburon.
Not yet. First, I want
to know what he knows.
(MUMBLES)
You know what we're looking for,
don't you?
Maybe you even know where it is.
If you ever want
to taste oxygen again,
you're going to tell me. Oh!
Go. After him.
I'm coming.
I got one last air capsule left.
Whoa!
(GASPS)
Hey! What's the rush!
Fu, come on!
There. Lose 'em in that coral maze.
(YELPS)
Oh, kid, dead end!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Over here!
Come on.
Come on.
Kid, unless you want to be
a shark's new best chum,
you might want to go now.
(GRUNTS)
Got it.
Come on.
Move your fin.
-(GROANS)
-Go, go go.
Looks like we lost 'em.
(YELPS)
Sorry. Guess I shouldn't
have snuck up like that,
but I really need your help.
Please don't blame
all the shark people for this.
Despite our multiple rows
of jagged, flesh-tearing teeth,
we're really a tender, loving race.
Instinct. Sorry.
We'll eat anything. (CHUCKLES)
Anyway, there's a few bad fish
in the barrel.
Tiburon and his whole shark-mada.
They think we shouldn't get along
with your kind.
They'd rather sweep you aside,
and take over your land.
Can they do that?
I mean, aren't you guys, you know,
"Glub glub, need the water,
can't live on dry land"?
Actually, shark people
are only half fish.
They can spend time on dry land
but always gotta return to sea.
The only way Tiburon and his men
can rule over your land,
is if they move it underwater.
Can they do that?
They can if they find what
they're looking for. Neptune's trident.
-Oh, boy.
-What?
Neptune's the ancient god
of the sea.
That trident of his
holds the power to control oceans.
You can do whatever
you want with that thing.
Like move the eastern shore
of your country from here to...
Uh, somewhere around here.
Which means everything in between
would be underwater,
and Tiburon's territory to rule.
The good news is,
they'll never find the trident without me.
You know where it is?
Tell me. I can protect it.
-It's my job.
-No! I...
I've already caused you enough trouble.
If you could help me find
a permanent place to hide,
maybe a nice
inland aquarium or a theme park or...
Done. But first, I gotta cut out
of this lame family reunion.
No, no, no.
I am quite sure
that Mobile, Alabama,
is south of Key West.
Doh! Doh!
Key west is the southernmost point
in the continental United States!
How can it be more south
that the southernmost point?
-Give me that map!
-(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
Oh, ho, ho.
So now we're doin' that again?
Well, two can play at that game, mister.
I took high school Norwegian,
and I can tell you...
(SPEAKING NORWEGIAN)
I, too, took high school Norwegian.
Oh.
(BOTH ARGUING AND HITTING EACH OTHER)
After seeing a hero
like me in action,
it's no wonder
Jake isn't showin' his face.
Hey, Mom, me and Fu
gotta bounce for a few.
We got a little problem
with this...
Is that, land grub?
No, no, no, no!
Shark lady, don't!
Shark instinct taking over.
(SQUEALS) Mommy. Fishy bad!
Greggy. What are you doing?
Show this beast what you're made of.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
Did I scare her away?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
The last thing I wanted
was to cause you trouble.
Trouble? That was awesome.
I got a feeling
the tables have turned,
and I'm gettin' my turn
at the adult table.
Okay. Focus, kid. We still got a...
There's my girl. You didn't really think
you could run from me, did you?
Aw, man.
You all know what I've come for.
But how did you find us?
We're sharks. (SNIFFS)
We followed our noses.
-(GASPS)
-(CLAMORING)
Let them go. They can't get you
what you want.
Wait! Isn't she the bad guy?
We're a family of dragons, punk.
You can threaten all you want,
but we're never gonna let her tell you
where Neptune's trident is.
I don't expect her to talk.
(RETCHING)
You hid Neptune's trident
in your stomach?
I told you, we'll eat anything.
(LAUGHS) Nice try,
but now it's over.
For all of you!
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
♪ Where is the love ♪
♪ Where did the love go ♪
Get ready daughter's husband.
Here comes your cue.
Okay, this is where I draw the line.
There is no way I'm...
♪ I wish I knew
But it's a thing that no one knows ♪
BOTH: ♪ Bring back the love
Back the love ♪
♪ Bring back the love, yeah ♪
♪ Bring back the love
Back the love ♪
♪ Bring back the love ♪
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
Say good-bye to dry land
and bow to your new ruler.
(GRUNTS)
How about you say good-bye
to your little fork
and bow to my backside?
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
So, we just wait here, or what?
-Argh!
-Dragon up!
Gregory, what are you doing?
I'm goin' after that shark.
No way I'm lettin' Jake steal my glory.
(SNEEZING)
Nobody else escapes.
That's gonna be a rule from now on. Cool?
I meant to do that to him.
Neptune's trident doesn't work so good
for dry land rats. Allow me.
Huh? Whoa.
You want to mess with a real dragon?
-Mess with me.
-Whatever you say.
Hey, you can't use the trident.
I don't have a trident.
That's just not fair.
(GRUNTS)
Now why don't you
just dry up and blow away?
(GROANS)
You think you can dry me up
with your dragon fire?
I rule the seas,
and, soon, all of your land as well.
Actually, it wasn't you
I was talking to.
-(GROANS)
-(PANTS)
-(SIGHS)
-No, no, no!
-No!
-Thank you.
(PANTING)
-Thanks.
-No problem.
You may be a jerk, but you're family.
I know exactly what you mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gut 'em! Gut 'em!
I know. You think he would've
said somethin' if that's what he wanted.
Should we make a call?
JAKE: Head's up, shark dudes.
(SHARKS GRUMBLING)
I think I'm gettin'
the hang of this thing.
-Great work, kid.
-I'm so proud of you.
-Let's hear it for Jake.
-(CHEERING)
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Well, actually,
I couldn't have done it without Gregory.
Yeah, and I think you're gonna have
to make a permanent place for me
at the adult table,
once you hear how I had to save.
Jake's little baby dwagon tail.
Okay, that is it!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
GREGORY: Mommy!
Susan, control your child.
Put a sock in it, Cathy.
-What?
-You heard me!
(ALL SCREAMING)
I put crab down your back!
-(CHUCKLES)
-(YELPS)
And I'm tired of pretending
your kids aren't degenerate monsters!
-Hey!
-Take it back!
You can't say that to me.
So, I'll just be taking these guys
to shark prison then.
SHARK MAN: Hey,
after dinner with these freaks,
prison sounds like a dream.
(ALL CLAMORING)
What in the name of
family dysfunction is goin' on here?
Honey! You made it.
This is not what
family reunions are about.
Actually, in this family, it usually is.
He's right. We have been actin'
like a bunch of spoiled kids,
-especially me.
-Me too.
And I'm sorry.
But what are you gonna do?
-To family?
-To family.
Mmm!
This spread looks delish.
You don't know
what you're missin', people.
(CHUCKLING)
It's cool, Dad.
I don't think we're missin' anything.
FU: It's the game show sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
What's that shark gonna hurl up next?
BOY: Anchor. I guess anchor!
GIRL: It's a scuba tank!
FU: Anchor it is.
Round two.
Take a guess
what's comin' up the pipe.
BOY: Snorkel.
GIRL: Pizza.
I had a gut feeling.
FU: Looks like
it's a biggie this time.
GIRL: It's a submarine!
BOY: Uh...
FU: Well, I was wonderin'
where they've been all episode.
SHARK LADY: Sorry.
We'll eat anything. (CHUCKLES)
Put it in the sacky ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm never coming backy ♪
♪ From vacation ♪
(HUMMING)
Oh. I'm begging, Dad!
Full on, down-on-my-knees action here.
Please don't make me go
to Aunt Cathy's this year!
(CHUCKLES) No can do, Jake-a-roo!
It's your mother's family reunion,
and that means
all the family has to be there
to, you know, re...
Une.
That's exactly the problem.
WOMAN 1: Aw.
WOMAN 2: Isn't he precious?
Cootchie-coo!
WOMAN 3: Jakey want the Teddy bear?
I'm tired of all Mom's family
treating me like a baby...
-(KIDS YELLING)
-Just 'cause I'm still stuck
at the kiddy table
with annoying cousin Greggy
and all the other snot-wipers.
(SNIFFLING)
Litchi nut pudding?
I'm the oldest one there.
When do I get my turn
at the big time?
Well, I'm sorry, Jake,
but the grownup table is at max capacity
so unless one of your aunts or uncles
skips the reunion,
-or heaven forbid.
-HALEY: Oh, no!
That's terrible, Aunt Cathy!
Uncle Lee had to get
his appendix out.
He's okay,
but he's gonna miss the family reunion.
(CHUCKLES) No way.
Lee's appendix is out,
which means I'm in?
(SINGING) ♪ Yeah! Go appendix! ♪
♪ Go appendix
Holla back now, appendicitis ♪
Uh, I'm just... (CHUCKLES)
Excited he's okay?
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not bragging ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster
with Grandpa the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy! ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
(GRAMPS SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
SUSAN: Lotus flower beats swan.
You're stuck with Jonathan this year.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
He's your husband. Why must I be the one
to baby-sit him?
I've missed plenty
of family reunions already
trying to keep Jonathan
away from our magical family secret.
For Pete's sake, I didn't even get
to enjoy my own wedding reception.
(SNEEZING)
I bring 99 garden gnomes.
Good luck for the bride and...
Whoopsie.
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Now, what in the dickens is...
I had to tell him that body-slamming
the groom into the wedding cake
is an ancient Chinese custom.
She's right, Gramps.
You gotta keep him away from that reunion.
Your family's just too sloppy
at keepin' a secret double life...
JONATHAN: All ready-roo!
Who's up for a family funboree?
-Oh, me.
-Jake?
I've never seen you so excited
to see my family before.
You kidding? Three days
on Aunt Cathy's private island
in the Florida Keys?
What's not to love?
Nice place.
Just find me what I need,
and it's all ours.
WOMAN: Oh, Susan!
So good to see you!
Haley, Fu,
you both look fabulous!
Thank you, Aunt Cathy.
Yeah, great.
Been cuttin' the carbs.
-Where's Uncle Lao Shi?
-He'll be taking care
of Jonathan for a few days.
JONATHAN: I don't mean to be
a nosy-rosy,
but why did we just waste
two perfectly good plane tickets
-to drive all the way to Florida?
-I told you,
because I am afraid to fly.
Now, bear right.
JONATHAN: Are you sure?
Because the sign says...
Do not question the navigator,
-daughter's husband!
-Right, now!
(SCREAMS)
Right.
The non-magical husband.
Oh, and who is this big, handsome man?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, big man.
You're just in time for dinner,
and I've got an extra special seat
saved just for you!
Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.
Now food me up at the...
-Kiddy table?
-(KIDS CLAMORING)
Please, Jake, I prefer you call it
the responsible young adults table.
Sun taught me
we should always treat others
as if they already were
what we expect them to become.
It's from Gerta. Cousin Andrew,
would you please pass the butter?
Butter? Fine!
I am a hummingbird in the breeze.
I am a hummingbird in the breeze.
Yo. I got robbed here.
I'm the next oldest in the family.
What happened to my seat at the...
(SNIFFS)
-Rice pudding?
-Thank you, Gregory.
Cousin Greggy?
We're supposed to call him Gregory now.
I don't care what we call him!
He's a year younger than me.
How'd he get my seat?
You mean, you don't know?
Gregory got his...
(WHISPERS) Dragon powers.
Okay, that's it!
(SIGHS) Okay, how to put this?
I'm stuck at the kiddy table
all because Cousin Greggy
just now got his dragon powers?
Jake, maybe we should
discuss this later.
Okay, first of all, it's Gregory.
And second of all,
don't his cheeks look super pinchable?
They sure are!
Cootchie-cootchie-coo.
Uh, maybe ya'll don't realize,
but I've been the American dragon
for like a year and a half now!
I've fought nixes and krylocks and...
Aw, how adorable.
He's jealous.
Have you seen Gregory's dragon form?
Very impressive.
Why don't you just go back to your seat
with the other children, dear?
If you're a good boy, maybe later Aunt Mai
will let you play with her teeth.
Yeah?
(SIGHS) But I...
Greggy...
(GROANS)
Why do you not trust the navigator?
I do! I do, honestly.
It's just, well, I'm havin' trouble
seeing how we ended up
way over here in western Kentucky.
I assumed you would want to see
the world's largest turkey farm.
Well, duh. Normally, you bet
your butter-basted beak I would,
but we're already
late enough as is.
-Besides, it's night.
-(TURKEY GOBBLES)
I mean, how can we
get a gander at the gobblers
when we can't even see
the... (GRUNTS)
I think the little nipper
just nipped me in the... (YELPS)
Okay, Mr. Gizzard.
Now, that's quite enough of that.
(SCREAMS)
They've got a taste for man!
Back in the car!
Yeah, just so you know,
I'm the only dragon who counts here.
You want the throne,
you gotta take out the king.
You mean the royal pain?
-Let's do it.
-Yeah, that's what I...
-Wait, what?
-If you're such a great dragon,
prove it.
You and me in a face-off.
Winner gets the chair
at the grownup table,
loser gets...
BOY: I can suck noodles in my nose!
-(KIDS SCREAM)
-GIRL: Noodle snot!
(HESITATINGLY) Okay. I'm in.
So, um, what did you have in mind?
All right,
standard dragon challenge rules.
You're gonna trade off
pickin' the challenges.
If the other guy muffs your test,
that's a point for you.
He makes it, one point for him.
Best two out of three wins. Got it?
Mmm-hmm.
Dragon up!
That's all you got?
Please, cuz.
Dragon up!
(CHUCKLES) You scared yet?
Oh, I'm scared...
That whatever you got
is contagious.
Did I not tell you
Gregory's dragon form was impressive?
What? Oh.
Looks like they're having
some sort of competition.
Okay. Ooh-hoo.
Studly, you're up.
What's the challenge?
All right, well,
let's test your fire-breathing, dragon.
Try this one on for size.
Wow. Jake's fire-breathing
has really come along.
Mmm-hmm.
Greggy like to give his competitors
a false sense of self-confidence
before he crushes them.
Rip him to pieces, honey!
Point, Jake, and he's up.
How about some speed flying?
One time around the beach.
We'll go on three.
You ready?
-Hey, yo, yo, what are you doing?
-You said three! You said three!
(PANTING)
Ha! Taste my dragon dust, Greggy!
Dragons?
Oh. Thank goodness.
My point. My point.
-Say?
-Say, what?
You said, one time around the beach.
You did 13, so you're disqualified.
-My point.
-Okay, fine.
It's not like you're gonna score
another point.
My turn, my turn again.
Okay, I challenge you to go...
Oh, dragons.
I am so glad I found you.
I need your help.
They're comin' after me,
and they're planning to...
(YELPS)
Hey, stop!
You can't attract attention.
They'll see us and...
I challenge you to beat
this magical sea beast before I do!
She's not a sea beast, fool.
-She's trying to talk.
-Gregory, no.
Oh, that's my boy.
That is such a powerful young man.
(YELPS) Quit!
(PANTING)
JAKE: No! Wait!
Come back!
Oh, yeah.
You better run.
Yo, I can't believe you just...
Saved us all.
My big man hero.
Two out of three. I win!
I beat the American Dragon!
-Can I get a whoop?
-ALL: Whoop!
-What?
-BOY: Hey, look.
It's not creamed corn.
It's brains!
(ALL LAUGH)
No, no, no, it's a mantra.
You're supposed to chant it with me.
Ohm shaka laka laka laka.
Ohm shaka laka laka laka.
Huh, what?
Uh, your patootie likes potatoes.
JAKE: Aw, man!
FU: Nifty bubble, huh, kid?
I always keep a few magical air capsules
handy just in case a...
Oh, my sushi sense is tingling.
-(ROARS)
-Focus, Fu.
That shark lady could be anywhere.
Wait a minute,
we're lookin' for the shark lady?
I figured you were taking a break
from Greggy the great
and the cootchie-coo patrol.
She looked pretty scared. Whatever trouble
she's in, it must be serious.
And if our search happens to get you away
from the family for a while...
It's all good.
Say what?
GREGORY: Whoo-hoo! Catch the donuts!
-Yeah!
-Yo, Greggy,
I'm trying to do
some dragon work down here.
You sure that's such a good idea?
'Cause we got sharks in here,
and we all saw how scared
the widdle baby dwagon is of sharks!
(LAUGHS)
You want to order a four-flipper
slapdown for the kid?
'Cause I would love to deliver it.
Okay, first off,
I'm a year older than you,
so step off the baby stuff,
and, second,
-I am not scared of sh... Whoa!
-Not good.
Ha! Nice try, faker.
(GRUNTS)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gut him, Tiburon.
Not yet. First, I want
to know what he knows.
(MUMBLES)
You know what we're looking for,
don't you?
Maybe you even know where it is.
If you ever want
to taste oxygen again,
you're going to tell me. Oh!
Go. After him.
I'm coming.
I got one last air capsule left.
Whoa!
(GASPS)
Hey! What's the rush!
Fu, come on!
There. Lose 'em in that coral maze.
(YELPS)
Oh, kid, dead end!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Over here!
Come on.
Come on.
Kid, unless you want to be
a shark's new best chum,
you might want to go now.
(GRUNTS)
Got it.
Come on.
Move your fin.
-(GROANS)
-Go, go go.
Looks like we lost 'em.
(YELPS)
Sorry. Guess I shouldn't
have snuck up like that,
but I really need your help.
Please don't blame
all the shark people for this.
Despite our multiple rows
of jagged, flesh-tearing teeth,
we're really a tender, loving race.
Instinct. Sorry.
We'll eat anything. (CHUCKLES)
Anyway, there's a few bad fish
in the barrel.
Tiburon and his whole shark-mada.
They think we shouldn't get along
with your kind.
They'd rather sweep you aside,
and take over your land.
Can they do that?
I mean, aren't you guys, you know,
"Glub glub, need the water,
can't live on dry land"?
Actually, shark people
are only half fish.
They can spend time on dry land
but always gotta return to sea.
The only way Tiburon and his men
can rule over your land,
is if they move it underwater.
Can they do that?
They can if they find what
they're looking for. Neptune's trident.
-Oh, boy.
-What?
Neptune's the ancient god
of the sea.
That trident of his
holds the power to control oceans.
You can do whatever
you want with that thing.
Like move the eastern shore
of your country from here to...
Uh, somewhere around here.
Which means everything in between
would be underwater,
and Tiburon's territory to rule.
The good news is,
they'll never find the trident without me.
You know where it is?
Tell me. I can protect it.
-It's my job.
-No! I...
I've already caused you enough trouble.
If you could help me find
a permanent place to hide,
maybe a nice
inland aquarium or a theme park or...
Done. But first, I gotta cut out
of this lame family reunion.
No, no, no.
I am quite sure
that Mobile, Alabama,
is south of Key West.
Doh! Doh!
Key west is the southernmost point
in the continental United States!
How can it be more south
that the southernmost point?
-Give me that map!
-(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
Oh, ho, ho.
So now we're doin' that again?
Well, two can play at that game, mister.
I took high school Norwegian,
and I can tell you...
(SPEAKING NORWEGIAN)
I, too, took high school Norwegian.
Oh.
(BOTH ARGUING AND HITTING EACH OTHER)
After seeing a hero
like me in action,
it's no wonder
Jake isn't showin' his face.
Hey, Mom, me and Fu
gotta bounce for a few.
We got a little problem
with this...
Is that, land grub?
No, no, no, no!
Shark lady, don't!
Shark instinct taking over.
(SQUEALS) Mommy. Fishy bad!
Greggy. What are you doing?
Show this beast what you're made of.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
Did I scare her away?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
The last thing I wanted
was to cause you trouble.
Trouble? That was awesome.
I got a feeling
the tables have turned,
and I'm gettin' my turn
at the adult table.
Okay. Focus, kid. We still got a...
There's my girl. You didn't really think
you could run from me, did you?
Aw, man.
You all know what I've come for.
But how did you find us?
We're sharks. (SNIFFS)
We followed our noses.
-(GASPS)
-(CLAMORING)
Let them go. They can't get you
what you want.
Wait! Isn't she the bad guy?
We're a family of dragons, punk.
You can threaten all you want,
but we're never gonna let her tell you
where Neptune's trident is.
I don't expect her to talk.
(RETCHING)
You hid Neptune's trident
in your stomach?
I told you, we'll eat anything.
(LAUGHS) Nice try,
but now it's over.
For all of you!
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
♪ Where is the love ♪
♪ Where did the love go ♪
Get ready daughter's husband.
Here comes your cue.
Okay, this is where I draw the line.
There is no way I'm...
♪ I wish I knew
But it's a thing that no one knows ♪
BOTH: ♪ Bring back the love
Back the love ♪
♪ Bring back the love, yeah ♪
♪ Bring back the love
Back the love ♪
♪ Bring back the love ♪
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
Say good-bye to dry land
and bow to your new ruler.
(GRUNTS)
How about you say good-bye
to your little fork
and bow to my backside?
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
So, we just wait here, or what?
-Argh!
-Dragon up!
Gregory, what are you doing?
I'm goin' after that shark.
No way I'm lettin' Jake steal my glory.
(SNEEZING)
Nobody else escapes.
That's gonna be a rule from now on. Cool?
I meant to do that to him.
Neptune's trident doesn't work so good
for dry land rats. Allow me.
Huh? Whoa.
You want to mess with a real dragon?
-Mess with me.
-Whatever you say.
Hey, you can't use the trident.
I don't have a trident.
That's just not fair.
(GRUNTS)
Now why don't you
just dry up and blow away?
(GROANS)
You think you can dry me up
with your dragon fire?
I rule the seas,
and, soon, all of your land as well.
Actually, it wasn't you
I was talking to.
-(GROANS)
-(PANTS)
-(SIGHS)
-No, no, no!
-No!
-Thank you.
(PANTING)
-Thanks.
-No problem.
You may be a jerk, but you're family.
I know exactly what you mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gut 'em! Gut 'em!
I know. You think he would've
said somethin' if that's what he wanted.
Should we make a call?
JAKE: Head's up, shark dudes.
(SHARKS GRUMBLING)
I think I'm gettin'
the hang of this thing.
-Great work, kid.
-I'm so proud of you.
-Let's hear it for Jake.
-(CHEERING)
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Well, actually,
I couldn't have done it without Gregory.
Yeah, and I think you're gonna have
to make a permanent place for me
at the adult table,
once you hear how I had to save.
Jake's little baby dwagon tail.
Okay, that is it!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
GREGORY: Mommy!
Susan, control your child.
Put a sock in it, Cathy.
-What?
-You heard me!
(ALL SCREAMING)
I put crab down your back!
-(CHUCKLES)
-(YELPS)
And I'm tired of pretending
your kids aren't degenerate monsters!
-Hey!
-Take it back!
You can't say that to me.
So, I'll just be taking these guys
to shark prison then.
SHARK MAN: Hey,
after dinner with these freaks,
prison sounds like a dream.
(ALL CLAMORING)
What in the name of
family dysfunction is goin' on here?
Honey! You made it.
This is not what
family reunions are about.
Actually, in this family, it usually is.
He's right. We have been actin'
like a bunch of spoiled kids,
-especially me.
-Me too.
And I'm sorry.
But what are you gonna do?
-To family?
-To family.
Mmm!
This spread looks delish.
You don't know
what you're missin', people.
(CHUCKLING)
It's cool, Dad.
I don't think we're missin' anything.
FU: It's the game show sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
What's that shark gonna hurl up next?
BOY: Anchor. I guess anchor!
GIRL: It's a scuba tank!
FU: Anchor it is.
Round two.
Take a guess
what's comin' up the pipe.
BOY: Snorkel.
GIRL: Pizza.
I had a gut feeling.
FU: Looks like
it's a biggie this time.
GIRL: It's a submarine!
BOY: Uh...
FU: Well, I was wonderin'
where they've been all episode.
SHARK LADY: Sorry.
We'll eat anything. (CHUCKLES)