American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 1, Episode 15 - The Long Weekend - full transcript
Jake's father takes Jake, Spud, and Trixie camping. Although his friends are having fun, Jake is embarrassed by his dad's attempts to "be cool". While out in the woods, Jake is called on by a group of sprites to protect them from a beast that raids their village: The Jersey Devil.
Yo, G, thanks for getting
me out of the house.
Mom's just straight buggin'
over her big catering gig.
I tried to go in the kitchen,
and she about frosted me.
Hey, kid, you still
got a little bit.
Eh, right there.
That should not
concern you now, Jake.
Keep your mind
on the mission.
What? My mind's
all over this mission.
Wh... What are we
going after again?
A gremlin.
These are highly inquisitive creatures
who love to dismantle machinery and
mechanical devices to see how they work.
But they're not so good at re-mantling
after, so you see the problem.
(SCOFFS) No problem.
Just tell me where this gremlin is
and how bad a smack-dragon
you want me to lay on it.
You cannot defeat
every foe with dragon smacks, Jake.
Did you bring the
CD player like I asked?
Pow! even better!
I brought
the M.P. Blaster 3000.
Fresh and brand new!
Hyah! I cannot
play this on that!
The Hubba Hubba Hula?
FU: By luau legend
Elvis Kamehameha.
It's a karaoke classic.
(GROANS)
Gramps, you know
I can't be seen with music this whack.
What's this have to do
with gremlins?
It's the only way
to defeat them.
Not that you'll be
defeating anyone today
since you left
your CD player at home!
Don't have a cabbage, gramps.
He can borrow mine.
And if you need a cabbage,
I got that, too.
Yo, Fu, I don't know
where this has been.
Are you calling me dirty?
'Cause I don't think
you want to go there, Mr. Same Socks.
GRANDPA: Give me
the CD player. Hmm.
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
This will have to do.
Now, when I
give the word,
Fu Dog will create a diversion.
Then, and only then...
Look.
There's a train coming.
Fu Dog, now!
Okay, was now the word?
'Cause I didn't get that e-mail.
-Fu Dog!
-Sheesh.
We've got to work out
a hand signal.
The old injured pup routine
ought to do the trick.
Yipe!
(WHIMPERING)
Look at the poor puppy!
Puppy! Puppy!
Pull his tail!
So where's the gremlin?
Is he on the train?
Whoa! Hey!
He's not on the train.
He's driving it!
Ha ha ha! Need for speed!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one
People, we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire
A real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa!
He's the American Dragon
His skills are gettin' faster
With Grandpa, the master
His destiny, what's up, G?
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
American Dragon
From the "J" to the "A"
The the "K" to the "E"
I'm the MacDaddy dragon of the NYC
Ya heard!
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back
to work!
Aw, man.
Jake, you forgot
the CD player!
FU: Ow! Hey, kid,
-that's tail, not a toy.
-(CROWD GASPS)
But you didn't
hear that from me.
Heh heh. Woof?
(SNARLS)
Ooh, hoo, hoo! Sparkle!
Ooh, hoo!
Gremlins are extremely
difficult to capture.
Highly evasive and slippery.
The best way to catch one
is to lull it to sleep
with the soothing sounds
of soft island jazz.
You just have to
sing a few bars...
No way! I don't want that elevator music
anywhere near me.
Let's just stick
to plan "J."
What is plan "J"?
(GRUNTING)
Crabby little gripper.
Ah... Ha ha!
Wait for Grandpa!
(GRUNTING)
Aha!
What's up?
What's up?
(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
Jake, use the music!
What the...
Bye-bye, boys.
Ah! Ooh! Eeh! Unh!
Jake!
(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
-(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
-Whoa!
(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
Oy!
(GRUNTING)
Hot! Hot! Hot!
whoo-hoo! Hot!
Come back here,
you little...
Gingerbread!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Oh, no! It's bad!
(GRUNTS)
Now what did
you do? Aah!
(SCREECHING)
Bye-bye.
Ha ha!
Ha...
Did you see that?
We better go. Hurry.
At least the gremlin
problem is history.
Good. Where is it?
Oh, it's gone.
Huh? You mean
it got away?
I mean it got defeated.
You let it escape?
I let it know
who's boss.
It's still on the loose?
Still running, Gramps!
Jake!
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
Ah! What's this?
A gizmo! Ha!
What up, Pops?
Ah-ah-ah! Don't go
in the kitchen.
Your mom's
making mushroom caps
for the big wedding
she is catering.
MAN: (ON TV)
This is gonna be the wedding of the year.
-Maybe the century.
-Cool.
I'll be upstairs.
What are you doing
in my room?
Staying out of the kitchen.
Wanna hear a haiku?
Jake's room is dirty.
Moldy sandwiches abound.
He lives like a pig.
-Out!
-Does that mean
you don't want to
hear the sonnet?
How was your mission
with Grandpa?
Was it fun?
Was it dangerous?
Did you destroy anything
you weren't supposed to?
(SIGHS)
We never talk anymore.
Finally, a little
peace and quiet
and a little bump
in the trunk.
-Aah!
-(SCREECHING)
(SCREECH)
-(BOING)
-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
-(RING)
-Uh, hello?
WOMAN: (ON TELEPHONE)
Hi, is your mom there?
MAN: (ON TV)
Soap stars Thad and Jasma,
who have been married 7 times...
Jake, don't get...
No! Don't... (SIGHS)
I tried.
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
I think one of your caterers
is on the phone.
Hello? Inga?
What do you mean,
Bjorn isn't there yet?
INGA: Sorry, boss.
He's stuck in traffic.
There was a big accident
on the subway.
The whole uptown line
is shut down.
Oh, no! I wrecked
my mom's reception!
Now what am I gonna do?
I can't leave yet.
There's still
too much to do here!
Yo, Mom! I can help
if you want.
Uh, hold on, Inga.
(ECHOING)
I can help...
Whoa! Heh heh.
Excuse me.
Pardon me. Oh!
Hey, is this
butter creme frosting?
(SLURPS)
Yo, does this thing work?
Ooh.
-Mom?
-Huh?
Oh. I was just thinking
about the last time you helped me out.
Oh, Inga, please!
You have to take over until I can
get there. I'm counting on you.
But that was an accident!
You can't hold it against me
because I messed up that one time.
It was 6 times.
Yeah, but it was
all in one night.
And I'm not holding it
against you, Jake.
I'm sure you'll be
a big help.
It's just that, uh...
I wouldn't know
what to have you...
I know! Keep an eye
on the oven
while I fax a menu
over to the hotel.
-That's it?
-Let's start with that.
The mushroom caps
will be done in exactly one minute.
Congratulations
on your new job, Jake.
You know, it's okay if you
want to ask me for help.
I don't need your help.
I know. I'll just be right here if you do.
Now what has gotten into
this thing? (STAMMERING)
Ooh! Cook place! Ha!
Yah, yah, yah!
Food! Good food!
Food! Yah!
Ha ha!
(GIGGLING)
Whoo!
Okay...
That's gotta be about
a minute. What the...
Huh? What?
Aah!
(SPITS)
(SMACKS LIPS)
-Needs salt.
-(SPARKING AND HISSING)
Hey! Occupied!
Hey!
(GRUNTS)
(DING-DONG)
I'll get it.
That's odd.
(DING-DONG)
I'll get it!
Honey, are you
gonna get that?
-Yay!
-What was that?
It's a gremlin.
Help me find it.
How did it get here?
I don't know,
but we have to catch it
before mom finds out
I let it in.
-You let it in?
-I mean it got in on its own.
Why don't you
just grab it?
It's slippery, all right?
Any more questions?
What's it doing
to the toaster?
Don't! No!
What about a mason jar
with holes in the lid for ventilation?
What? How is that gonna help?
What is all the hullabaloo?
FATHER: Sweet mother
of invention!
Grr.
Well, look at the bright...
Okay, I'll just be quiet.
MOM: Jacob Luke Long!
Oops.
(MUMBLING)
Here. Try this.
(MUTTERING)
Ah, ha!
Special on aisle sizzix.
Pickled gremlins.
Get it? 'Cause now,
you're in a pickle. Ha ha!
What just happened in there?
Your mother's mushroom caps
are ruined.
Oh, uh, they were burnt.
So, you threw them against the wall
and destroyed the kitchen?
Technically, yes.
Well.
(LAUGHS)
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes
right now, little mister. No, sir.
What on earth
were you thinking?
Oh, never mind.
I don't have time to argue about this now.
I have to load up the car
and get to the hotel.
Oh, this is turning
into the worst day ever!
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-I'll get it.
At least you're
out of the picture.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
MAN: (FRENCH ACCENT)
Hotel Poubelle.
I'm afraid I cannot comment
on whether the wedding
of monsieur Thad and mademoiselle Jasma
is taking place in our grand
terrace ballroom tonight.
Oops. I said too much.
Thanks for coming, Fu.
I'd bring this to F's shop myself,
but Moms needs my help.
Don't worry.
I'll get this little guy to the big guy.
You just make sure nothing goes wrong
with Thad and Jasma's big wedding.
After all those two
have been through together,
don't they deserve
a moment of happiness?
Aw! Don't they?
Uh, yeah.
I gotta go.
(CRYING)
Oh, I swore I wasn't gonna
cry in front of the gremlin!
(SOBBING)
Aw, pretty puppy.
MAN: Mademoiselle Long,
this is the terrace ballroom where,
as you can see,
your capable staff
is already hard at work.
Thank you.
I'll take it from here.
Hello, everybody.
Sorry I'm late.
It's ok, boss.
We're almost done setting up.
Oh, Sven, Inga,
you did it!
Everything looks
fabulous.
(FOREIGN ACCENT)
We knew you were counting on us,
so we didn't want
to let you down.
INGA: Plus,
you could fire us.
Let's go ahead and light
the tiki torches, then.
And I think the cake is a little
too close to the karaoke stage.
We ought to move that.
You want me
to help with the cake?
No!
I mean, uh, why don't you
go down to the copy center
and see if they got
the menus I faxed over?
(SIGHS)
Jake...
Everyone, come quick!
The wedding is starting!
the wedding is starting!
Yay!
I love TV weddings.
TV ANNOUNCER:
On TV, they play star-crossed heartthrobs
Jasma Sincere
and Thad Wilford Chase.
But tonight, hearts
will throb for real
as they take that unscripted
walk down the aisle.
(GIGGLES)
We love you!
They can't see you.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
BOTH: Making copies.
Jinx!
Another jinx!
(COPIER WHINES)
Oh! More of me.
(SIGHS)
Probably thinks I'll wreck the place
if she lets me do anything.
What the?
ALL: It was him!
Where did all y'all come from?
Egg.
All right, that's it.
You're going down.
Dragon up!
-Hi!
-Hey.
What the?
TV ANNOUNCER:
The bride is resplendent
in a cathedral-length
tortoiseshell ballgown.
Just like the one she wore in the episode
where Thad found out Jasma's baby
is really an alien-hybrid
implanted by a covert agency.
Happy new year!
(JABBERING)
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered
here today
to get your autograph.
Can you sign my collar?
I am such a big fan!
-Look!
-Let's go there.
Uh-uh!
You don't gets no cake, boy.
Huh?
Test, test, test.
Lookin' at you.
Raise 'em up.
Boo. Boo.
What the?
(YAWNS)
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) Oh, the Hubba Hubba Hula
Is a hula that you do
When you meet a girl-a
Who you're gonna love-a, love a lot
Oh, my eyes!
Oops.
Hey, Fu. I didn't
hear you come in.
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Boy, after 40 years, you think you know
a guy and then this. Eww.
Never mind that.
Where is the gremlin?
We must keep it away
from any technology.
Ooh. Probably shouldn't have brought it
to an electronics shop then.
He he. Eww.
(GREMLINS JABBERING)
(INDISTINCT)
Ha ha! one down and...
2 million
of you guys, man!
-Hmm?
-Huh?
We're missing
the "I dos"!
Hmm.
-Hmm. What's it do?
-I don't know.
Emergency something.
Do something.
Touch.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, and one more.
Thanks so much.
Now, where was I?
Do I take
this woman?
Do you, Thad...
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Ooh, this can't be good.
Nobody panic.
We rented the ballroom on the roof
for the reception, so let's just head
upstairs in an orderly fashion.
-(ELECTRONIC WHINE)
-The guests are on their way.
All right, everybody,
battle stations.
(ALL GASP)
Oh, my.
I can totally explain.
Ahh...
(MAKING RAP NOISES)
What happened out here?
Yo, Mom, it wasn't me.
It was the gremlins!
They're pesky.
Totally pesky!
You brought gremlins
to my reception?
No! Well, maybe,
but not on purpose.
Oh, Jake, this
really takes the cake.
-Aah! Oh!
-(GROWLS)
Okay, I know this looks bad,
but I can fix it.
No! You're not
fixing anything.
You're not helping.
You're not touching.
You're not
even breathing.
Do I make myself clear?
Huh?
Oh... Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, whatever you say.
No breathing.
Sven, Ute,
stop that thing.
Inga, you've got
5 minutes
to make this place
fabulous again.
(GROANS)
I'm going downstairs
to try and stop the guests from coming up.
ALL:
You got it, boss!
And you...
(INHALES)
(EXHALES)
Ear of the dragon!
(GREMLINS BABBLING)
-I gotta go.
-Are we there yet?
When are we
gonna get there?
(ALL LAUGHING)
All right,
there's no way out.
And I'm not playing
no more!
I want all y'all
to surrender now!
And... And get in
this bag.
ALL: Whoo-hoo!
Well, that was easy.
Ha! That's right.
You're messing with
the Am-Drag now!
'Cause when
I say jump...
GREMLINS: Jump!
What the...
-Whoo-hoo!
-Going down!
When are we
gonna get there?
Oh, hi!
I'm the reception
planner.
You must be
the happy couple.
We are not happy yet.
Oh, but they will be,
as soon as we
get them up to that nice dry rooftop.
Uh, that's the thing.
The rooftop?
It's not quite ready.
Oh! Ready or not,
I'm not staying
in this stairwell one more minute!
Come on!
But... Oh!
Aw, man!
This is totally
out of control...
(ALARMS WAILING)
And not in a good way.
Aah!
FU: You know, I told you
we ought to stock
more than one CD player
in this place,
but no!
Eh! Just fix it already!
-Whaa! Yah!
-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Talk to the Fu.
Where's grandpa?
This is an emergency.
Uh, Gramps,
Jake-tastrophe, line one.
Jake! What's wrong?
There's a gremlin epidemic,
and I need to know how to stop them.
And please don't say
The Hubba Hubba Hula!
Yes! You must
serenade them with The Hubba Hubba Hula.
-It's the only way.
-That's impossible.
There's too many of them now,
and they're all over Times Square.
I'd have to
have a...
Big screen TV and
a karaoke machine.
But even if I had all that,
I just couldn't do it.
That song is just
too embarrassing.
Kid, if you don't
find a way to do this,
you're not the only one
who's gonna be embarrassed.
This is the worst wedding
I've ever been in!
And that includes
the time
I was kidnapped by Amazons
during sweeps.
Oh, yeah? Heh heh.
Well, I'd rather be married
on a sinking
ocean liner, like I was last season,
than listen to anymore
of your whining!
This is all your fault!
I'll see to it that you never
cater in this town again! Ever!
-But...
-Not ever!
Fu, I've got to go.
My mom needs me.
Dragon up!
(SOBBING)
My wedding is in
complete shambles.
Oh, every bride
feels that way.
But someday you'll
look back on this and...
Oh, no.
Whazzup, New York City!
Jake Long is in the house!
Jake, what do you
think you're doing?
Making a complete
fool of myself
on national TV.
Well, okay.
Good luck with that.
This is a very special
love song
going out
to Jasma and Thad
and to all you
music lovers out there.
You know who you are.
-Huh?
-Huh?
Come on, come on, come on.
It's got to be here.
Yeah!
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
Jake, use
dragon karaoke!
(CHORUS SINGING)
Oh, the Hubba Hubba Hula
Is the hula that you do-a
When you meet a girl-a
Who you're gonna
Love-a love a lot
(YAWNS)
Oh, no.
Oh, Thad...
Oh, Jasma...
What?
Huh?
(SINGING)
Aloha oh
With a smile, it's an island hello
JAKE:
Aloha eh
Hubba hubba your troubles away
It's the song that was playing
in that hospital elevator in Fiji
on the night
we first met.
You were there to donate a kidney
to your Polynesian
half-sister's evil clone,
and I was the ex-showgirl
who performed the operation
when the real doctor
fell into a sudden coma.
(SIGHS)
Do you, Jasma,
take you, Thad...
I'm going to
take that as a yes.
That should put every
gremlin in the city
to sleep
for several hours.
Call Jake.
Tell him he can stop singing now.
Huh? What?
What'd you say? What?
JAKE:
Hubba hubba your troubles away
-(RAP MUSIC PLAYS)
-Check it out!
NYC what hows you do ya
My name's Jake,
And I'm in the hou-ya
Volcano's hot,
But Jakey-Jake is cooler
'Cause that's the way
You hubba chicka-chicka hula baby
Ah, Jake,
you did it!
You saved
everything!
Yeah, after
I messed it all up in the first place.
I wasn't going to
mention that.
And if it's
any consolation,
I don't think you
looked like a fool at all.
Yeah, but you're
not the one
who has to go
to school on Monday.
(GIGGLES)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Dragon out!
Hee hee hee!
me out of the house.
Mom's just straight buggin'
over her big catering gig.
I tried to go in the kitchen,
and she about frosted me.
Hey, kid, you still
got a little bit.
Eh, right there.
That should not
concern you now, Jake.
Keep your mind
on the mission.
What? My mind's
all over this mission.
Wh... What are we
going after again?
A gremlin.
These are highly inquisitive creatures
who love to dismantle machinery and
mechanical devices to see how they work.
But they're not so good at re-mantling
after, so you see the problem.
(SCOFFS) No problem.
Just tell me where this gremlin is
and how bad a smack-dragon
you want me to lay on it.
You cannot defeat
every foe with dragon smacks, Jake.
Did you bring the
CD player like I asked?
Pow! even better!
I brought
the M.P. Blaster 3000.
Fresh and brand new!
Hyah! I cannot
play this on that!
The Hubba Hubba Hula?
FU: By luau legend
Elvis Kamehameha.
It's a karaoke classic.
(GROANS)
Gramps, you know
I can't be seen with music this whack.
What's this have to do
with gremlins?
It's the only way
to defeat them.
Not that you'll be
defeating anyone today
since you left
your CD player at home!
Don't have a cabbage, gramps.
He can borrow mine.
And if you need a cabbage,
I got that, too.
Yo, Fu, I don't know
where this has been.
Are you calling me dirty?
'Cause I don't think
you want to go there, Mr. Same Socks.
GRANDPA: Give me
the CD player. Hmm.
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
This will have to do.
Now, when I
give the word,
Fu Dog will create a diversion.
Then, and only then...
Look.
There's a train coming.
Fu Dog, now!
Okay, was now the word?
'Cause I didn't get that e-mail.
-Fu Dog!
-Sheesh.
We've got to work out
a hand signal.
The old injured pup routine
ought to do the trick.
Yipe!
(WHIMPERING)
Look at the poor puppy!
Puppy! Puppy!
Pull his tail!
So where's the gremlin?
Is he on the train?
Whoa! Hey!
He's not on the train.
He's driving it!
Ha ha ha! Need for speed!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one
People, we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire
A real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa!
He's the American Dragon
His skills are gettin' faster
With Grandpa, the master
His destiny, what's up, G?
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
American Dragon
From the "J" to the "A"
The the "K" to the "E"
I'm the MacDaddy dragon of the NYC
Ya heard!
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back
to work!
Aw, man.
Jake, you forgot
the CD player!
FU: Ow! Hey, kid,
-that's tail, not a toy.
-(CROWD GASPS)
But you didn't
hear that from me.
Heh heh. Woof?
(SNARLS)
Ooh, hoo, hoo! Sparkle!
Ooh, hoo!
Gremlins are extremely
difficult to capture.
Highly evasive and slippery.
The best way to catch one
is to lull it to sleep
with the soothing sounds
of soft island jazz.
You just have to
sing a few bars...
No way! I don't want that elevator music
anywhere near me.
Let's just stick
to plan "J."
What is plan "J"?
(GRUNTING)
Crabby little gripper.
Ah... Ha ha!
Wait for Grandpa!
(GRUNTING)
Aha!
What's up?
What's up?
(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
Jake, use the music!
What the...
Bye-bye, boys.
Ah! Ooh! Eeh! Unh!
Jake!
(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
-(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
-Whoa!
(GREMLIN GRUMBLING)
Oy!
(GRUNTING)
Hot! Hot! Hot!
whoo-hoo! Hot!
Come back here,
you little...
Gingerbread!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Oh, no! It's bad!
(GRUNTS)
Now what did
you do? Aah!
(SCREECHING)
Bye-bye.
Ha ha!
Ha...
Did you see that?
We better go. Hurry.
At least the gremlin
problem is history.
Good. Where is it?
Oh, it's gone.
Huh? You mean
it got away?
I mean it got defeated.
You let it escape?
I let it know
who's boss.
It's still on the loose?
Still running, Gramps!
Jake!
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
Ah! What's this?
A gizmo! Ha!
What up, Pops?
Ah-ah-ah! Don't go
in the kitchen.
Your mom's
making mushroom caps
for the big wedding
she is catering.
MAN: (ON TV)
This is gonna be the wedding of the year.
-Maybe the century.
-Cool.
I'll be upstairs.
What are you doing
in my room?
Staying out of the kitchen.
Wanna hear a haiku?
Jake's room is dirty.
Moldy sandwiches abound.
He lives like a pig.
-Out!
-Does that mean
you don't want to
hear the sonnet?
How was your mission
with Grandpa?
Was it fun?
Was it dangerous?
Did you destroy anything
you weren't supposed to?
(SIGHS)
We never talk anymore.
Finally, a little
peace and quiet
and a little bump
in the trunk.
-Aah!
-(SCREECHING)
(SCREECH)
-(BOING)
-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
-(RING)
-Uh, hello?
WOMAN: (ON TELEPHONE)
Hi, is your mom there?
MAN: (ON TV)
Soap stars Thad and Jasma,
who have been married 7 times...
Jake, don't get...
No! Don't... (SIGHS)
I tried.
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
I think one of your caterers
is on the phone.
Hello? Inga?
What do you mean,
Bjorn isn't there yet?
INGA: Sorry, boss.
He's stuck in traffic.
There was a big accident
on the subway.
The whole uptown line
is shut down.
Oh, no! I wrecked
my mom's reception!
Now what am I gonna do?
I can't leave yet.
There's still
too much to do here!
Yo, Mom! I can help
if you want.
Uh, hold on, Inga.
(ECHOING)
I can help...
Whoa! Heh heh.
Excuse me.
Pardon me. Oh!
Hey, is this
butter creme frosting?
(SLURPS)
Yo, does this thing work?
Ooh.
-Mom?
-Huh?
Oh. I was just thinking
about the last time you helped me out.
Oh, Inga, please!
You have to take over until I can
get there. I'm counting on you.
But that was an accident!
You can't hold it against me
because I messed up that one time.
It was 6 times.
Yeah, but it was
all in one night.
And I'm not holding it
against you, Jake.
I'm sure you'll be
a big help.
It's just that, uh...
I wouldn't know
what to have you...
I know! Keep an eye
on the oven
while I fax a menu
over to the hotel.
-That's it?
-Let's start with that.
The mushroom caps
will be done in exactly one minute.
Congratulations
on your new job, Jake.
You know, it's okay if you
want to ask me for help.
I don't need your help.
I know. I'll just be right here if you do.
Now what has gotten into
this thing? (STAMMERING)
Ooh! Cook place! Ha!
Yah, yah, yah!
Food! Good food!
Food! Yah!
Ha ha!
(GIGGLING)
Whoo!
Okay...
That's gotta be about
a minute. What the...
Huh? What?
Aah!
(SPITS)
(SMACKS LIPS)
-Needs salt.
-(SPARKING AND HISSING)
Hey! Occupied!
Hey!
(GRUNTS)
(DING-DONG)
I'll get it.
That's odd.
(DING-DONG)
I'll get it!
Honey, are you
gonna get that?
-Yay!
-What was that?
It's a gremlin.
Help me find it.
How did it get here?
I don't know,
but we have to catch it
before mom finds out
I let it in.
-You let it in?
-I mean it got in on its own.
Why don't you
just grab it?
It's slippery, all right?
Any more questions?
What's it doing
to the toaster?
Don't! No!
What about a mason jar
with holes in the lid for ventilation?
What? How is that gonna help?
What is all the hullabaloo?
FATHER: Sweet mother
of invention!
Grr.
Well, look at the bright...
Okay, I'll just be quiet.
MOM: Jacob Luke Long!
Oops.
(MUMBLING)
Here. Try this.
(MUTTERING)
Ah, ha!
Special on aisle sizzix.
Pickled gremlins.
Get it? 'Cause now,
you're in a pickle. Ha ha!
What just happened in there?
Your mother's mushroom caps
are ruined.
Oh, uh, they were burnt.
So, you threw them against the wall
and destroyed the kitchen?
Technically, yes.
Well.
(LAUGHS)
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes
right now, little mister. No, sir.
What on earth
were you thinking?
Oh, never mind.
I don't have time to argue about this now.
I have to load up the car
and get to the hotel.
Oh, this is turning
into the worst day ever!
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-I'll get it.
At least you're
out of the picture.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
MAN: (FRENCH ACCENT)
Hotel Poubelle.
I'm afraid I cannot comment
on whether the wedding
of monsieur Thad and mademoiselle Jasma
is taking place in our grand
terrace ballroom tonight.
Oops. I said too much.
Thanks for coming, Fu.
I'd bring this to F's shop myself,
but Moms needs my help.
Don't worry.
I'll get this little guy to the big guy.
You just make sure nothing goes wrong
with Thad and Jasma's big wedding.
After all those two
have been through together,
don't they deserve
a moment of happiness?
Aw! Don't they?
Uh, yeah.
I gotta go.
(CRYING)
Oh, I swore I wasn't gonna
cry in front of the gremlin!
(SOBBING)
Aw, pretty puppy.
MAN: Mademoiselle Long,
this is the terrace ballroom where,
as you can see,
your capable staff
is already hard at work.
Thank you.
I'll take it from here.
Hello, everybody.
Sorry I'm late.
It's ok, boss.
We're almost done setting up.
Oh, Sven, Inga,
you did it!
Everything looks
fabulous.
(FOREIGN ACCENT)
We knew you were counting on us,
so we didn't want
to let you down.
INGA: Plus,
you could fire us.
Let's go ahead and light
the tiki torches, then.
And I think the cake is a little
too close to the karaoke stage.
We ought to move that.
You want me
to help with the cake?
No!
I mean, uh, why don't you
go down to the copy center
and see if they got
the menus I faxed over?
(SIGHS)
Jake...
Everyone, come quick!
The wedding is starting!
the wedding is starting!
Yay!
I love TV weddings.
TV ANNOUNCER:
On TV, they play star-crossed heartthrobs
Jasma Sincere
and Thad Wilford Chase.
But tonight, hearts
will throb for real
as they take that unscripted
walk down the aisle.
(GIGGLES)
We love you!
They can't see you.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
BOTH: Making copies.
Jinx!
Another jinx!
(COPIER WHINES)
Oh! More of me.
(SIGHS)
Probably thinks I'll wreck the place
if she lets me do anything.
What the?
ALL: It was him!
Where did all y'all come from?
Egg.
All right, that's it.
You're going down.
Dragon up!
-Hi!
-Hey.
What the?
TV ANNOUNCER:
The bride is resplendent
in a cathedral-length
tortoiseshell ballgown.
Just like the one she wore in the episode
where Thad found out Jasma's baby
is really an alien-hybrid
implanted by a covert agency.
Happy new year!
(JABBERING)
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered
here today
to get your autograph.
Can you sign my collar?
I am such a big fan!
-Look!
-Let's go there.
Uh-uh!
You don't gets no cake, boy.
Huh?
Test, test, test.
Lookin' at you.
Raise 'em up.
Boo. Boo.
What the?
(YAWNS)
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) Oh, the Hubba Hubba Hula
Is a hula that you do
When you meet a girl-a
Who you're gonna love-a, love a lot
Oh, my eyes!
Oops.
Hey, Fu. I didn't
hear you come in.
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Boy, after 40 years, you think you know
a guy and then this. Eww.
Never mind that.
Where is the gremlin?
We must keep it away
from any technology.
Ooh. Probably shouldn't have brought it
to an electronics shop then.
He he. Eww.
(GREMLINS JABBERING)
(INDISTINCT)
Ha ha! one down and...
2 million
of you guys, man!
-Hmm?
-Huh?
We're missing
the "I dos"!
Hmm.
-Hmm. What's it do?
-I don't know.
Emergency something.
Do something.
Touch.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, and one more.
Thanks so much.
Now, where was I?
Do I take
this woman?
Do you, Thad...
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Ooh, this can't be good.
Nobody panic.
We rented the ballroom on the roof
for the reception, so let's just head
upstairs in an orderly fashion.
-(ELECTRONIC WHINE)
-The guests are on their way.
All right, everybody,
battle stations.
(ALL GASP)
Oh, my.
I can totally explain.
Ahh...
(MAKING RAP NOISES)
What happened out here?
Yo, Mom, it wasn't me.
It was the gremlins!
They're pesky.
Totally pesky!
You brought gremlins
to my reception?
No! Well, maybe,
but not on purpose.
Oh, Jake, this
really takes the cake.
-Aah! Oh!
-(GROWLS)
Okay, I know this looks bad,
but I can fix it.
No! You're not
fixing anything.
You're not helping.
You're not touching.
You're not
even breathing.
Do I make myself clear?
Huh?
Oh... Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, whatever you say.
No breathing.
Sven, Ute,
stop that thing.
Inga, you've got
5 minutes
to make this place
fabulous again.
(GROANS)
I'm going downstairs
to try and stop the guests from coming up.
ALL:
You got it, boss!
And you...
(INHALES)
(EXHALES)
Ear of the dragon!
(GREMLINS BABBLING)
-I gotta go.
-Are we there yet?
When are we
gonna get there?
(ALL LAUGHING)
All right,
there's no way out.
And I'm not playing
no more!
I want all y'all
to surrender now!
And... And get in
this bag.
ALL: Whoo-hoo!
Well, that was easy.
Ha! That's right.
You're messing with
the Am-Drag now!
'Cause when
I say jump...
GREMLINS: Jump!
What the...
-Whoo-hoo!
-Going down!
When are we
gonna get there?
Oh, hi!
I'm the reception
planner.
You must be
the happy couple.
We are not happy yet.
Oh, but they will be,
as soon as we
get them up to that nice dry rooftop.
Uh, that's the thing.
The rooftop?
It's not quite ready.
Oh! Ready or not,
I'm not staying
in this stairwell one more minute!
Come on!
But... Oh!
Aw, man!
This is totally
out of control...
(ALARMS WAILING)
And not in a good way.
Aah!
FU: You know, I told you
we ought to stock
more than one CD player
in this place,
but no!
Eh! Just fix it already!
-Whaa! Yah!
-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Talk to the Fu.
Where's grandpa?
This is an emergency.
Uh, Gramps,
Jake-tastrophe, line one.
Jake! What's wrong?
There's a gremlin epidemic,
and I need to know how to stop them.
And please don't say
The Hubba Hubba Hula!
Yes! You must
serenade them with The Hubba Hubba Hula.
-It's the only way.
-That's impossible.
There's too many of them now,
and they're all over Times Square.
I'd have to
have a...
Big screen TV and
a karaoke machine.
But even if I had all that,
I just couldn't do it.
That song is just
too embarrassing.
Kid, if you don't
find a way to do this,
you're not the only one
who's gonna be embarrassed.
This is the worst wedding
I've ever been in!
And that includes
the time
I was kidnapped by Amazons
during sweeps.
Oh, yeah? Heh heh.
Well, I'd rather be married
on a sinking
ocean liner, like I was last season,
than listen to anymore
of your whining!
This is all your fault!
I'll see to it that you never
cater in this town again! Ever!
-But...
-Not ever!
Fu, I've got to go.
My mom needs me.
Dragon up!
(SOBBING)
My wedding is in
complete shambles.
Oh, every bride
feels that way.
But someday you'll
look back on this and...
Oh, no.
Whazzup, New York City!
Jake Long is in the house!
Jake, what do you
think you're doing?
Making a complete
fool of myself
on national TV.
Well, okay.
Good luck with that.
This is a very special
love song
going out
to Jasma and Thad
and to all you
music lovers out there.
You know who you are.
-Huh?
-Huh?
Come on, come on, come on.
It's got to be here.
Yeah!
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
Jake, use
dragon karaoke!
(CHORUS SINGING)
Oh, the Hubba Hubba Hula
Is the hula that you do-a
When you meet a girl-a
Who you're gonna
Love-a love a lot
(YAWNS)
Oh, no.
Oh, Thad...
Oh, Jasma...
What?
Huh?
(SINGING)
Aloha oh
With a smile, it's an island hello
JAKE:
Aloha eh
Hubba hubba your troubles away
It's the song that was playing
in that hospital elevator in Fiji
on the night
we first met.
You were there to donate a kidney
to your Polynesian
half-sister's evil clone,
and I was the ex-showgirl
who performed the operation
when the real doctor
fell into a sudden coma.
(SIGHS)
Do you, Jasma,
take you, Thad...
I'm going to
take that as a yes.
That should put every
gremlin in the city
to sleep
for several hours.
Call Jake.
Tell him he can stop singing now.
Huh? What?
What'd you say? What?
JAKE:
Hubba hubba your troubles away
-(RAP MUSIC PLAYS)
-Check it out!
NYC what hows you do ya
My name's Jake,
And I'm in the hou-ya
Volcano's hot,
But Jakey-Jake is cooler
'Cause that's the way
You hubba chicka-chicka hula baby
Ah, Jake,
you did it!
You saved
everything!
Yeah, after
I messed it all up in the first place.
I wasn't going to
mention that.
And if it's
any consolation,
I don't think you
looked like a fool at all.
Yeah, but you're
not the one
who has to go
to school on Monday.
(GIGGLES)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Dragon out!
Hee hee hee!