American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 1, Episode 16 - Eye of the Beholder - full transcript
So, Mr. Long,
care to explain today's incident?
Principal Desetto, I was
all chilling in class,
and out of nowhere,
Rotwood's all--
Yo, yo, yo, report to
the principal's office.
For like no reason.
Is she buying it? All I
can hear is... (MUMBLING)
Yo, Spud,
where's your glass at?
-I told you to press it to your ear.
-It is.
No, boy.
Your ear.
-It is!
-That is your rear.
It is!
So, Jake, if what
you say is true--
Whoa!
whoa!
Then I must assume
the images caught by the school's
state-of-the-art
security system are some sort of illusion.
Ahh, say what?
My grades, they be
slipping, but Rotwood, he be tripping and
Yo, you know,
it's over, just look at his hair comb-over
Yo, yo, yo, yo-yo
Hey, yo-yo, here's your yo.
Jake Long, report to
the principal's office.
So how many
days of detention we talking? 2? 3?
No detention. I think you might benefit
from a little assignment.
A 15-page essay
describing your real-life role model.
Yo, Desetto is
trippin' hard, dude.
Like some essay's
gonna teach me a lesson
about respecting
my authority figures.
(SIGHS) Man, this day
could not get any worse.
My loyal servant.
I've been watching the American Dragon
grow more powerful by the day,
just like his master
before him.
Tonight, they will
both be ours.
(MENACING LAUGHTER)
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one
People,
we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop
his enemies
With his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire
A real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh,
whoa!
He's the American Dragon
Break out
with the dragon
Skills are
gettin' faster
With grandpa,
the master
His destiny
will walk up sheets
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy
American Dragon
from the "J"
to the "A"
to the "K"
to the "E"
I'm the mackdaddy dragon
of the N.Y.C.
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back
to work!
Aw, man.
So Jakey, who
you gonna write about
as your role model, dude?
'Cause you know,
I'm open for interviews
this evening between
6:00 and say 6:15.
Come on, Trix,
everyone knows I'm Jake's role model.
Who else can floss
their sinus cavity with spaghetti?
Uhh, stop, boy!
Hey, what about your Gramps?
Maybe you should write
your paper on him.
My Gramps. Really?
Yeah, not a bad idea.
I dig his yin and his yang.
His yin, he's wise
and magical.
Yang, he needs a booster seat
when he eats at restaurants.
He's so cute.
Well, G's cool and all,
but he's just so...
Jake, where have you been?
I told you to clean up the shop.
Yo, G, chill. This
place is so spotless,
you could eat off
the counter.
Which I did about
a month ago.
Tikamasala
from Murry's House of Curries.
-Mmm.
-Uhh!
Whoa!
See, clean as a whistle.
Aw, man.
Jake, there is no time
for horseplay.
The shop must be in tip-top shape
when Counselor Chang arrives.
Chang. Her royal pain-ness
is coming here? Tonight?
Seems she's
got some hot tip on the dark dragon.
Chang will be here any minute,
and we must all make a good impression.
Did you give Fu Dog
his flea bath like I asked?
Uhh, yeah. Tsk,
of course I did.
Sorry, Fu. Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
Kid, no.
Don't even think about it.
Besides, this puppy
is 100% flea-free.
Hey, Frank, how was
your trip down south?
Well, the rent's dirt
cheap, but you pay for it in other ways--
If you get my drift.
Ohh.
Trust me, it'll
just take 2 seconds,
and--whoa!
Ohh, ohh, ohh! ahh.
Aah! Whoa!
I ask you,
where's the dignity?
(MUTTERING)
(JABBERING)
-Jake!
-Look on the bright side, G,
At least Chang
isn't here yet.
Hey, Chang.
Waz up?
Our mission, Lao Shi, is simple.
My source has informed us that a troll,
living in
the nearby sewers,
has had a recent contact
with the dark dragon.
I know that tunnel.
It's right under my school.
I use it all the time
to sneak out of Rotwood's...
Uh, are you doing
something new with your hair?
The 3 of us must get
answers from this troll before he runs.
Tsk, that's what
I'm saying.
Wah, ooh, ooh.
Well, what's that,
dark dragon? You want some of this?
Well, good luck, 'cause
freaky can't touch the pretty.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
You must stay and
clean up the mess you have made.
What? No way, Gramps.
I faced the dark dragon
and survived, just like you.
I'm going.
Jake, you will
not question your dragon master.
-Come, counselor.
-But, aye, very well, Lao Shi.
That's it, Fu.
I've had it with Gramps.
I could take on the dark dragon
all by myself if I wanted to.
-Aah!
-You know who you sound like, kid?
Gramps, back when
I first met him.
Yeah, right.
G was born old.
Follow me. I think it's time you learned
a little bit more about the old man.
Let's see, where...
Ah, bingo.
Magical journals.
Every official
animal guardian has 'em.
It's our job to keep
detailed accounts of all our missions...
And to master "Old Macdonald"
on the nose flute.
(PLAYS "OLD MACDONALD")
Hey.
What's in this one?
Kid, don't!
That's one of my,
ah, heh heh...
Personal journals. Heh heh.
I'll just keep that
handy for later.
Aha! here we go.
Picture it, kid.
Hong Kong, 1972.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Let's just say it wasn't
a time of my life I'm exactly proud of.
Well, hey there, sister,
I'll be your mister
Cast aside
those other men
'Cause this canine's
more like a 10
Mmm, how ya doing?
You from out of town?
I'm here all week.
Try the veal.
Heh heh heh heh.
What's this?
Hey, there, ladies
straight from Hades
Look at me,
I'm quite the catch
Throw me a bone,
and I'll go fetch
Oh, boy.
Hey, you stealin'
from these nice womens?
Hey, hey, it--
it's not what it looks like. Heh heh heh.
Ok, it is, but please
don't hurt me.
Don't worry.
It ain't my job to hurt you. It's his!
Wah! Wazza! Whoo! Hyah!
So which one of you
groovy babies called for a dragon, huh?
Hyah!
Dang, Fu, Gramps really
used to dress that wack?
Wack? Kid, he was
the mack-dizaddy of his day.
Who was the mack-dizaddy
of his day?
Fu Dog was just telling
me about grandpa.
Can we listen?
Huh, can we? Please say yes. Please.
Sure. Just sit back,
relax, and listen
to a great tale told
by a master storyteller.
So any-who, blah, blah,
blah, yada, yada, yada. Hong Kong, 1972.
Gramps was new
on the scene.
And, just like Jake,
he thought he could
take on the world
all by himself.
He was as cocky
as they come.
Ooh.
Whoa. Patience,
pretty mamas.
Before it can be just us,
Lao Shi must
dispense some justice!
Ha ha ha!
Yo!
Are you ready to get
groove-a-delick?
The name's Fu Dog.
And it's your groove that's
about to get delicked.
That sounded so much
better in my head.
(BOTH VOCALIZING)
(VOCALIZING CONTINUES)
Whoa. Hold up.
That cannot be how it went down.
Yeah, dawg man, since when were you
the Kung Fu master? Ow.
So I'm embellishing
a little. Sue me.
Truth is, Gramps
had me in 2 moves.
Boo!
FU: Ok. One move.
(SOBBING) Please,
don't hurt me.
I got a wife
at home and kids.
It's-- Ok, I don't have a wife and kids
or even a home, I'm up to my neck folds
in gambling debts
and I don't know what else to do.
Whaa! Hold that thought.
Ladies, hands in the air.
(WOMEN YELLING)
Please, pick me!
My hero!
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, yeah.
Boogie, baby.
Dance, babies.
Dance. Whoa-ha!
Whoo! I like
your style, dragon.
Say, maybe you're just the guy
to pull me out of this life of crime.
You looking for an animal
guardian by any chance?
Ah, no chance, man.
Lao Shi works alone.
Come on, think about it.
I'm great
with the one-liners,
I got funny
stretchy fur. See?
And when it comes
to magical potions,
I'm the guy
who supplies. Huh? Aah!
(FROG CROAKS)
Ribbit.
See? I got sidekick
written all over me.
Sorry, groovy baby,
but I-I-I-I-I-I-I!
FU: that's when the old man
first laid eyes
on Counselor Chang.
Ah, but that's another
story for another day.
Point is, you and the old
man ain't so different.
-Come on, fool!
-Yeah, we want to hear!
Don't leave
us hangin', dawg.
Ok, kid, but after this,
You got to go back to cleaning.
You think Chang and
the old man are hanging out
in the sewers right now,
chatting about the old days?
Lao Shi, it has been
a long time.
We have been
through much together.
Heh heh heh.
Indeed, we have.
Yet, I remember
the day we met
as if it were
yesterday.
Whoo! Somebody call heaven because
the gods are missing an angel.
Is there an airport nearby
Or is that just my heart taking off?
If I could rearrange
the alphabet,
I would put "u"
and "i" together.
If you were words
on a page,
they'd call you fine print.
Whoa, Fu! Chang and Gramps?
Gettin' all up
in each other's grills?
Blech! The whole thing
made me sick just listening to it.
Call you fine print...
Ooh! keep 'em coming, guys.
These lines are pure gold!
Heh heh heh!
Guys?
But as I remember,
our meeting was not a coincidence.
That is correct.
I came seeking your help.
So, do you have a map,
because I got lost in--
My eyes.
Yeah, heard it.
Listen, the world dragon councilor
believes the dark dragon has returned.
We need you to
locate him before he destroys humanity.
Dang, baby cakes.
You sure know how
to kill a mood.
He's been spotted
here in Hong Kong.
But so far,
our sources have turned up nothing.
Don't sweat it, sunshine.
Me and dragon man are on the case.
This is great snack mix,
by the way.
First of all,
that's kitty litter.
Second of all, you
followed us home?
Hey, I'm a dog.
It's the leash I could do. Hacha!
See pops, a witty one-liner.
And look how funny
my fur is.
I'm a pony.
I'm a clown.
I'm a pretty princess.
And have I mentioned
I'm house broken?
Well, almost house broken.
Clean up, aisle your bed.
Hacha!
Point is, I couldn't be
a more perfect sidekick.
So what do you say, huh?
Can I help, huh? Can I?
Uh-uh-uh, sorry,
freaky folds dude.
No friends, no family,
no sidekick.
This dragon does not
need nobody's help. Uhh.
So, after
I peeled Gramps off the billboard...
I agreed to let Fu Dog accompany us
for that mission and that mission only.
Ah, yes.
As I remember, he led us
to someone who had spotted
the dark dragon.
GRNDPA: Johnny Wong.
The best dancer in Hong Kong.
Hyah. Spill what you know
about the dark dragon,
or face Lao Shi's
fist of Kung Fu fury.
(VOCALIZING)
Don't flip your wig,
cat.
I'm not telling
you anything.
Besides, the dance floor
isn't for fighting,
It's for grooving. Uhh, yeah,
look at that. See how I do that?
Ok, boy, then we're gonna settle this
with a little grooving contest.
I win, you spill the beans
about the dark dragon, you dig?
Oh, I dig.
Uh, Lao, I don't think
this is such a good--
Idea.
Yeah, hey, watch me
dance, huh. Dig me.
Dig my dancin'.
Yeah, ohh!
so many legs.
Huh?
Whoo.
Wow.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Look, pops,
There's no shame
in backing out if you--
Put on your shades,
baby dog.
Because lucky Lao Shi
is about to light up the dance floor.
Hyah!
JAKE: Light up
the dance floor?
-Gramps?
-Gramps, Gramps?
Gramps, Gramps,
Gramps, Gramps?
Wait, Gramps
infinity! I win!
Sorry, I thought we
were doing a thing.
Not only did
Gramps light up the dance floor, kid,
he put Johnny to shame.
Hyah!
I'm gonna do the thing
and do that thing.
Hyah!
Shake it like you are
never going to break it.
Lao Shi does
the righteous moves.
Hyah!
(RIPPING)
Whoo-hoo!
whoo!
(ALL CHATTERING)
Round 2, this time
with partners.
-You're on.
-Fu Dog, man, what are you doing?
Saving your dragon hide,
now get that tail of
yours ready 'cause it's time to shake it.
Oof!
Aah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Ok, boy, for our finale,
a little something I call
the Lao Shi lift-off.
Yeow!
(GROANING)
(CHEERING)
We have a winner.
Aah!
Oof!
No, 2 winners, boy.
Lao Shi and his new
sidekick, the Fu Dog.
JAKE: So that Johnny Wong
dude told you
where the dark dragon
was hiding?
FU DOG: Yeah, he spotted
the dark dragon on the Queen Elizabeth,
a rusted out, half-sunken ocean liner
in the Hong Kong harbor.
Chang: He must be
here somewhere.
Maybe we should split up.
Groovy idea,
my little dim sum.
I'll take the stern,
you take the cargo hold.
Uh, why don't you take
the cargo hold?
Ok, whatever floats
your boat, baby cakes.
Come on, Fu Dog.
(LAUGHING)
Chinese dragon,
I've been expecting you.
FU DOG: It was
obviously a trap.
(ROARING)
FU DOG: Gramps and the dark dragon
fought like I'd never seen.
But before I could help,
someone ambushed me from behind.
I went down like
a sack of potatoes
and didn't wake up
till the next morning.
Come on, dark dragon,
let's rumble.
Ooh, wait, where am I?
Did I cross over?
(SNIFFING) Why does heaven
smell like fish guts?
FU DOG: Turns out,
Gramps had defeated him.
You should be proud,
Lao Shi.
No one other than you
has had the power
to face the dark dragon
and survive,
except for your pupil.
I survived councilor,
but at a price.
See, the fight Changed him.
From then on, the old man
was different.
Serious, more like
he is today.
So, Gramps is the way he is
because of the dark dragon?
I'm just glad Chang's
with him now.
I don't know if he's still
got the strength
to face the dark dragon
all by himself.
You and your pupil
are both very powerful, Lao Shi.
Too powerful.
That is why I betrayed you then,
as I do now.
Whoa!
(YELLING)
Ha ha ha.
One down,
one to go.
Hey, yo, Jake.
I told you your old man was off the chain.
And to think, he'd totally
be different
if that Chang lady had
checked the cargo area instead of him.
Yo, Fu.
Hey, give a dog
a little privacy, will ya, huh?
Ok, now. It was Chang who
was the one who told you guys
to go into
the cargo hold, right?
What if it was her plan
all along to lead you to the dark dragon?
No way, kid.
That means she's workin'
for the dark dragon
and that would also
mean--
She's trying
the same thing 30 years later.
Only in
the sewer!
Gramps!
Gramps!
Gramps!
Gramps infinity!
Blech. Have I mentioned
how much I hate the sewer?
Uh, isn't this where you
meet most of your dates?
Hey, I resent that!
But yeah, pretty much.
-Ohh.
-Grandpa!
Jake...
Must leave! it is a trap.
A trap which appears
to have worked.
Hey, scales for brains,
just 'cause I fainted the last time we met
doesn't mean I'm some
helpless little...
(MUMBLING)
Ok, so everybody knows
the dark dragon is one twisted dude.
But what about
you, Chang?
I thought you cared
about magical creatures.
I do. Magical creatures
once ruled the earth,
until humans forced
us into hiding.
Together we shall create
an army of magical creatures.
An army which shall
overthrow the humans
so we can take back
our rightful place as rulers of the earth.
You have a choice,
American Dragon .
Join us or be slain.
Gee, thanks so much for
the offer, guys, really.
But I choose neither.
See, I've got an army of my own.
(CHATTERING)
Magical and human.
And we get along
just fine.
Uh, yeah, except
sometimes
Trixie hogs
the half pipe.
Zip the lip,
doughboy.
-Ok.
-Ha ha ha.
How very amusing.
Shades, seize them!
Dragon up.
Ok, guys. Just
like we planned.
Tooth fairy, now!
Abracadabra.
(GROWLING)
Aah!
Why hello,
evil shade thingies.
Welcome
to Veronica's World Wide Web.
Stick around.
(GRUNTING)
Come on, Gramps.
We're getting you out of here.
Unless I stop you.
Or unless me
and Spud stop you from stopping him.
Unless you can stop us
from stopping you stop him.
Wait, will someone tell me
what I'm saying?
Please, you're
nothing but inferior humans.
See, that's the thing,
home slice.
We humans are tricked out with some
of Fu Dog's serious magical mojo.
-What?
-Yeah, now taste our sneakers.
BOTH: Yeah!
Hyah!
Tara, Ssara,
follow me.
Aah!
Hey, yo, check.
Hands up, baby.
No!
Yeah!
That's right. Uh-huh.
We bad, we bad.
-You're going to prison.
-Where you'll meet lots of nice ladies
with common interests
and generic haircuts.
Yoo-hoo.
Excuse me, Mr. Mean Gene.
If you surrender, I'll give
you a free toothbrush.
Rah!
Aah! Oh! Crum!
A stain on
my la la lovely dress.
Prepare to taste fairy dust,
dirtball!
Master, they're escaping.
(GRUNTING)
Guys, this way.
Yo, G. You'll
be safe up here.
Rah!
American Dragon !
You think you can
escape me so easily?
Right, what was I thinking?
Yo, give me your best shot.
Rah!
Oof.
He's gonna
swing left.
Right, duck, jump!
Oracles, very
resourceful.
But you're
still no match for me.
It's time
to end this.
Really? I was thinking
it was time for a little Lao Shi lift-off.
Guys! now!
Aah!
Oof.
And this is for the dress.
What! Aah!
Yo, is he gone?
Yeah, for now.
(CHEERING)
You did it, young dragon.
Gramps, please.
I could have
never taken on the dark dragon alone.
It was Trixie, Spud,
Fu--
Hey, anybody see Fu?
Come on, dark dragon,
let's rumble.
Wait, where'd everybody go?
Ahh, not again.
JAKE: I owe a lot to a lot
of people in my life,
especially my friends
and family.
But everything I've
accomplished this year
I owe to my real life
role model...
Grandpa.
This is an excellent paper,
Jake.
You seem to have earned
a great respect for your grandfather.
Believe that.
Starting today, things
are gonna Change. Ha!
Even things between me
and professor Rotwood.
Well, holla.
(SCREAMING)
ROTWELL: This is a very
long staircase.
(SCREAMING)
(CAT SCREECHES)
ROTWOOD: Jake Long, to the
principal's office, now!
Aw, man.
care to explain today's incident?
Principal Desetto, I was
all chilling in class,
and out of nowhere,
Rotwood's all--
Yo, yo, yo, report to
the principal's office.
For like no reason.
Is she buying it? All I
can hear is... (MUMBLING)
Yo, Spud,
where's your glass at?
-I told you to press it to your ear.
-It is.
No, boy.
Your ear.
-It is!
-That is your rear.
It is!
So, Jake, if what
you say is true--
Whoa!
whoa!
Then I must assume
the images caught by the school's
state-of-the-art
security system are some sort of illusion.
Ahh, say what?
My grades, they be
slipping, but Rotwood, he be tripping and
Yo, you know,
it's over, just look at his hair comb-over
Yo, yo, yo, yo-yo
Hey, yo-yo, here's your yo.
Jake Long, report to
the principal's office.
So how many
days of detention we talking? 2? 3?
No detention. I think you might benefit
from a little assignment.
A 15-page essay
describing your real-life role model.
Yo, Desetto is
trippin' hard, dude.
Like some essay's
gonna teach me a lesson
about respecting
my authority figures.
(SIGHS) Man, this day
could not get any worse.
My loyal servant.
I've been watching the American Dragon
grow more powerful by the day,
just like his master
before him.
Tonight, they will
both be ours.
(MENACING LAUGHTER)
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one
People,
we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop
his enemies
With his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire
A real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh,
whoa!
He's the American Dragon
Break out
with the dragon
Skills are
gettin' faster
With grandpa,
the master
His destiny
will walk up sheets
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy
American Dragon
from the "J"
to the "A"
to the "K"
to the "E"
I'm the mackdaddy dragon
of the N.Y.C.
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back
to work!
Aw, man.
So Jakey, who
you gonna write about
as your role model, dude?
'Cause you know,
I'm open for interviews
this evening between
6:00 and say 6:15.
Come on, Trix,
everyone knows I'm Jake's role model.
Who else can floss
their sinus cavity with spaghetti?
Uhh, stop, boy!
Hey, what about your Gramps?
Maybe you should write
your paper on him.
My Gramps. Really?
Yeah, not a bad idea.
I dig his yin and his yang.
His yin, he's wise
and magical.
Yang, he needs a booster seat
when he eats at restaurants.
He's so cute.
Well, G's cool and all,
but he's just so...
Jake, where have you been?
I told you to clean up the shop.
Yo, G, chill. This
place is so spotless,
you could eat off
the counter.
Which I did about
a month ago.
Tikamasala
from Murry's House of Curries.
-Mmm.
-Uhh!
Whoa!
See, clean as a whistle.
Aw, man.
Jake, there is no time
for horseplay.
The shop must be in tip-top shape
when Counselor Chang arrives.
Chang. Her royal pain-ness
is coming here? Tonight?
Seems she's
got some hot tip on the dark dragon.
Chang will be here any minute,
and we must all make a good impression.
Did you give Fu Dog
his flea bath like I asked?
Uhh, yeah. Tsk,
of course I did.
Sorry, Fu. Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
Kid, no.
Don't even think about it.
Besides, this puppy
is 100% flea-free.
Hey, Frank, how was
your trip down south?
Well, the rent's dirt
cheap, but you pay for it in other ways--
If you get my drift.
Ohh.
Trust me, it'll
just take 2 seconds,
and--whoa!
Ohh, ohh, ohh! ahh.
Aah! Whoa!
I ask you,
where's the dignity?
(MUTTERING)
(JABBERING)
-Jake!
-Look on the bright side, G,
At least Chang
isn't here yet.
Hey, Chang.
Waz up?
Our mission, Lao Shi, is simple.
My source has informed us that a troll,
living in
the nearby sewers,
has had a recent contact
with the dark dragon.
I know that tunnel.
It's right under my school.
I use it all the time
to sneak out of Rotwood's...
Uh, are you doing
something new with your hair?
The 3 of us must get
answers from this troll before he runs.
Tsk, that's what
I'm saying.
Wah, ooh, ooh.
Well, what's that,
dark dragon? You want some of this?
Well, good luck, 'cause
freaky can't touch the pretty.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
You must stay and
clean up the mess you have made.
What? No way, Gramps.
I faced the dark dragon
and survived, just like you.
I'm going.
Jake, you will
not question your dragon master.
-Come, counselor.
-But, aye, very well, Lao Shi.
That's it, Fu.
I've had it with Gramps.
I could take on the dark dragon
all by myself if I wanted to.
-Aah!
-You know who you sound like, kid?
Gramps, back when
I first met him.
Yeah, right.
G was born old.
Follow me. I think it's time you learned
a little bit more about the old man.
Let's see, where...
Ah, bingo.
Magical journals.
Every official
animal guardian has 'em.
It's our job to keep
detailed accounts of all our missions...
And to master "Old Macdonald"
on the nose flute.
(PLAYS "OLD MACDONALD")
Hey.
What's in this one?
Kid, don't!
That's one of my,
ah, heh heh...
Personal journals. Heh heh.
I'll just keep that
handy for later.
Aha! here we go.
Picture it, kid.
Hong Kong, 1972.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Let's just say it wasn't
a time of my life I'm exactly proud of.
Well, hey there, sister,
I'll be your mister
Cast aside
those other men
'Cause this canine's
more like a 10
Mmm, how ya doing?
You from out of town?
I'm here all week.
Try the veal.
Heh heh heh heh.
What's this?
Hey, there, ladies
straight from Hades
Look at me,
I'm quite the catch
Throw me a bone,
and I'll go fetch
Oh, boy.
Hey, you stealin'
from these nice womens?
Hey, hey, it--
it's not what it looks like. Heh heh heh.
Ok, it is, but please
don't hurt me.
Don't worry.
It ain't my job to hurt you. It's his!
Wah! Wazza! Whoo! Hyah!
So which one of you
groovy babies called for a dragon, huh?
Hyah!
Dang, Fu, Gramps really
used to dress that wack?
Wack? Kid, he was
the mack-dizaddy of his day.
Who was the mack-dizaddy
of his day?
Fu Dog was just telling
me about grandpa.
Can we listen?
Huh, can we? Please say yes. Please.
Sure. Just sit back,
relax, and listen
to a great tale told
by a master storyteller.
So any-who, blah, blah,
blah, yada, yada, yada. Hong Kong, 1972.
Gramps was new
on the scene.
And, just like Jake,
he thought he could
take on the world
all by himself.
He was as cocky
as they come.
Ooh.
Whoa. Patience,
pretty mamas.
Before it can be just us,
Lao Shi must
dispense some justice!
Ha ha ha!
Yo!
Are you ready to get
groove-a-delick?
The name's Fu Dog.
And it's your groove that's
about to get delicked.
That sounded so much
better in my head.
(BOTH VOCALIZING)
(VOCALIZING CONTINUES)
Whoa. Hold up.
That cannot be how it went down.
Yeah, dawg man, since when were you
the Kung Fu master? Ow.
So I'm embellishing
a little. Sue me.
Truth is, Gramps
had me in 2 moves.
Boo!
FU: Ok. One move.
(SOBBING) Please,
don't hurt me.
I got a wife
at home and kids.
It's-- Ok, I don't have a wife and kids
or even a home, I'm up to my neck folds
in gambling debts
and I don't know what else to do.
Whaa! Hold that thought.
Ladies, hands in the air.
(WOMEN YELLING)
Please, pick me!
My hero!
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, yeah.
Boogie, baby.
Dance, babies.
Dance. Whoa-ha!
Whoo! I like
your style, dragon.
Say, maybe you're just the guy
to pull me out of this life of crime.
You looking for an animal
guardian by any chance?
Ah, no chance, man.
Lao Shi works alone.
Come on, think about it.
I'm great
with the one-liners,
I got funny
stretchy fur. See?
And when it comes
to magical potions,
I'm the guy
who supplies. Huh? Aah!
(FROG CROAKS)
Ribbit.
See? I got sidekick
written all over me.
Sorry, groovy baby,
but I-I-I-I-I-I-I!
FU: that's when the old man
first laid eyes
on Counselor Chang.
Ah, but that's another
story for another day.
Point is, you and the old
man ain't so different.
-Come on, fool!
-Yeah, we want to hear!
Don't leave
us hangin', dawg.
Ok, kid, but after this,
You got to go back to cleaning.
You think Chang and
the old man are hanging out
in the sewers right now,
chatting about the old days?
Lao Shi, it has been
a long time.
We have been
through much together.
Heh heh heh.
Indeed, we have.
Yet, I remember
the day we met
as if it were
yesterday.
Whoo! Somebody call heaven because
the gods are missing an angel.
Is there an airport nearby
Or is that just my heart taking off?
If I could rearrange
the alphabet,
I would put "u"
and "i" together.
If you were words
on a page,
they'd call you fine print.
Whoa, Fu! Chang and Gramps?
Gettin' all up
in each other's grills?
Blech! The whole thing
made me sick just listening to it.
Call you fine print...
Ooh! keep 'em coming, guys.
These lines are pure gold!
Heh heh heh!
Guys?
But as I remember,
our meeting was not a coincidence.
That is correct.
I came seeking your help.
So, do you have a map,
because I got lost in--
My eyes.
Yeah, heard it.
Listen, the world dragon councilor
believes the dark dragon has returned.
We need you to
locate him before he destroys humanity.
Dang, baby cakes.
You sure know how
to kill a mood.
He's been spotted
here in Hong Kong.
But so far,
our sources have turned up nothing.
Don't sweat it, sunshine.
Me and dragon man are on the case.
This is great snack mix,
by the way.
First of all,
that's kitty litter.
Second of all, you
followed us home?
Hey, I'm a dog.
It's the leash I could do. Hacha!
See pops, a witty one-liner.
And look how funny
my fur is.
I'm a pony.
I'm a clown.
I'm a pretty princess.
And have I mentioned
I'm house broken?
Well, almost house broken.
Clean up, aisle your bed.
Hacha!
Point is, I couldn't be
a more perfect sidekick.
So what do you say, huh?
Can I help, huh? Can I?
Uh-uh-uh, sorry,
freaky folds dude.
No friends, no family,
no sidekick.
This dragon does not
need nobody's help. Uhh.
So, after
I peeled Gramps off the billboard...
I agreed to let Fu Dog accompany us
for that mission and that mission only.
Ah, yes.
As I remember, he led us
to someone who had spotted
the dark dragon.
GRNDPA: Johnny Wong.
The best dancer in Hong Kong.
Hyah. Spill what you know
about the dark dragon,
or face Lao Shi's
fist of Kung Fu fury.
(VOCALIZING)
Don't flip your wig,
cat.
I'm not telling
you anything.
Besides, the dance floor
isn't for fighting,
It's for grooving. Uhh, yeah,
look at that. See how I do that?
Ok, boy, then we're gonna settle this
with a little grooving contest.
I win, you spill the beans
about the dark dragon, you dig?
Oh, I dig.
Uh, Lao, I don't think
this is such a good--
Idea.
Yeah, hey, watch me
dance, huh. Dig me.
Dig my dancin'.
Yeah, ohh!
so many legs.
Huh?
Whoo.
Wow.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Look, pops,
There's no shame
in backing out if you--
Put on your shades,
baby dog.
Because lucky Lao Shi
is about to light up the dance floor.
Hyah!
JAKE: Light up
the dance floor?
-Gramps?
-Gramps, Gramps?
Gramps, Gramps,
Gramps, Gramps?
Wait, Gramps
infinity! I win!
Sorry, I thought we
were doing a thing.
Not only did
Gramps light up the dance floor, kid,
he put Johnny to shame.
Hyah!
I'm gonna do the thing
and do that thing.
Hyah!
Shake it like you are
never going to break it.
Lao Shi does
the righteous moves.
Hyah!
(RIPPING)
Whoo-hoo!
whoo!
(ALL CHATTERING)
Round 2, this time
with partners.
-You're on.
-Fu Dog, man, what are you doing?
Saving your dragon hide,
now get that tail of
yours ready 'cause it's time to shake it.
Oof!
Aah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Ok, boy, for our finale,
a little something I call
the Lao Shi lift-off.
Yeow!
(GROANING)
(CHEERING)
We have a winner.
Aah!
Oof!
No, 2 winners, boy.
Lao Shi and his new
sidekick, the Fu Dog.
JAKE: So that Johnny Wong
dude told you
where the dark dragon
was hiding?
FU DOG: Yeah, he spotted
the dark dragon on the Queen Elizabeth,
a rusted out, half-sunken ocean liner
in the Hong Kong harbor.
Chang: He must be
here somewhere.
Maybe we should split up.
Groovy idea,
my little dim sum.
I'll take the stern,
you take the cargo hold.
Uh, why don't you take
the cargo hold?
Ok, whatever floats
your boat, baby cakes.
Come on, Fu Dog.
(LAUGHING)
Chinese dragon,
I've been expecting you.
FU DOG: It was
obviously a trap.
(ROARING)
FU DOG: Gramps and the dark dragon
fought like I'd never seen.
But before I could help,
someone ambushed me from behind.
I went down like
a sack of potatoes
and didn't wake up
till the next morning.
Come on, dark dragon,
let's rumble.
Ooh, wait, where am I?
Did I cross over?
(SNIFFING) Why does heaven
smell like fish guts?
FU DOG: Turns out,
Gramps had defeated him.
You should be proud,
Lao Shi.
No one other than you
has had the power
to face the dark dragon
and survive,
except for your pupil.
I survived councilor,
but at a price.
See, the fight Changed him.
From then on, the old man
was different.
Serious, more like
he is today.
So, Gramps is the way he is
because of the dark dragon?
I'm just glad Chang's
with him now.
I don't know if he's still
got the strength
to face the dark dragon
all by himself.
You and your pupil
are both very powerful, Lao Shi.
Too powerful.
That is why I betrayed you then,
as I do now.
Whoa!
(YELLING)
Ha ha ha.
One down,
one to go.
Hey, yo, Jake.
I told you your old man was off the chain.
And to think, he'd totally
be different
if that Chang lady had
checked the cargo area instead of him.
Yo, Fu.
Hey, give a dog
a little privacy, will ya, huh?
Ok, now. It was Chang who
was the one who told you guys
to go into
the cargo hold, right?
What if it was her plan
all along to lead you to the dark dragon?
No way, kid.
That means she's workin'
for the dark dragon
and that would also
mean--
She's trying
the same thing 30 years later.
Only in
the sewer!
Gramps!
Gramps!
Gramps!
Gramps infinity!
Blech. Have I mentioned
how much I hate the sewer?
Uh, isn't this where you
meet most of your dates?
Hey, I resent that!
But yeah, pretty much.
-Ohh.
-Grandpa!
Jake...
Must leave! it is a trap.
A trap which appears
to have worked.
Hey, scales for brains,
just 'cause I fainted the last time we met
doesn't mean I'm some
helpless little...
(MUMBLING)
Ok, so everybody knows
the dark dragon is one twisted dude.
But what about
you, Chang?
I thought you cared
about magical creatures.
I do. Magical creatures
once ruled the earth,
until humans forced
us into hiding.
Together we shall create
an army of magical creatures.
An army which shall
overthrow the humans
so we can take back
our rightful place as rulers of the earth.
You have a choice,
American Dragon .
Join us or be slain.
Gee, thanks so much for
the offer, guys, really.
But I choose neither.
See, I've got an army of my own.
(CHATTERING)
Magical and human.
And we get along
just fine.
Uh, yeah, except
sometimes
Trixie hogs
the half pipe.
Zip the lip,
doughboy.
-Ok.
-Ha ha ha.
How very amusing.
Shades, seize them!
Dragon up.
Ok, guys. Just
like we planned.
Tooth fairy, now!
Abracadabra.
(GROWLING)
Aah!
Why hello,
evil shade thingies.
Welcome
to Veronica's World Wide Web.
Stick around.
(GRUNTING)
Come on, Gramps.
We're getting you out of here.
Unless I stop you.
Or unless me
and Spud stop you from stopping him.
Unless you can stop us
from stopping you stop him.
Wait, will someone tell me
what I'm saying?
Please, you're
nothing but inferior humans.
See, that's the thing,
home slice.
We humans are tricked out with some
of Fu Dog's serious magical mojo.
-What?
-Yeah, now taste our sneakers.
BOTH: Yeah!
Hyah!
Tara, Ssara,
follow me.
Aah!
Hey, yo, check.
Hands up, baby.
No!
Yeah!
That's right. Uh-huh.
We bad, we bad.
-You're going to prison.
-Where you'll meet lots of nice ladies
with common interests
and generic haircuts.
Yoo-hoo.
Excuse me, Mr. Mean Gene.
If you surrender, I'll give
you a free toothbrush.
Rah!
Aah! Oh! Crum!
A stain on
my la la lovely dress.
Prepare to taste fairy dust,
dirtball!
Master, they're escaping.
(GRUNTING)
Guys, this way.
Yo, G. You'll
be safe up here.
Rah!
American Dragon !
You think you can
escape me so easily?
Right, what was I thinking?
Yo, give me your best shot.
Rah!
Oof.
He's gonna
swing left.
Right, duck, jump!
Oracles, very
resourceful.
But you're
still no match for me.
It's time
to end this.
Really? I was thinking
it was time for a little Lao Shi lift-off.
Guys! now!
Aah!
Oof.
And this is for the dress.
What! Aah!
Yo, is he gone?
Yeah, for now.
(CHEERING)
You did it, young dragon.
Gramps, please.
I could have
never taken on the dark dragon alone.
It was Trixie, Spud,
Fu--
Hey, anybody see Fu?
Come on, dark dragon,
let's rumble.
Wait, where'd everybody go?
Ahh, not again.
JAKE: I owe a lot to a lot
of people in my life,
especially my friends
and family.
But everything I've
accomplished this year
I owe to my real life
role model...
Grandpa.
This is an excellent paper,
Jake.
You seem to have earned
a great respect for your grandfather.
Believe that.
Starting today, things
are gonna Change. Ha!
Even things between me
and professor Rotwood.
Well, holla.
(SCREAMING)
ROTWELL: This is a very
long staircase.
(SCREAMING)
(CAT SCREECHES)
ROTWOOD: Jake Long, to the
principal's office, now!
Aw, man.