American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 1, Episode 13 - Shapeshifter - full transcript

(GROWLING)

GIRL:
I'm scared.

BOY: The village
is this way.

(GROWLING)

(GASPS)

-Shh. We must hide.
-(HEAVY FOOTSTEPS)

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

SPUD:
Hey, it's dark in here.

Dude, we're outside.
Take that thing off.

It's my camping
sleep mask.



Note the camouflage.

Thanks for coming,
you guys.

Dude, thank you.

Camping rocks.

It is only
in the quiet of nature

that we can hear
the sound of our own souls.

Mmm. Bring out
the s'mores!

-S'mores what?
-S'mores.

S'mores what?

S'mores.

-S'mores what?
-S'mores.

-S'mores what?
-S'mores.

-S'mores what?
-S'mores!

S'mores what?



Well, have fun kids.
Haley and I are off

for our weekend
at the spa.

Sorry you and Dad
aren't as bonded as mommy and I.

Speaking of which,

I want you to be patient
with your father, Jake.

He's been looking forward
to this trip for months.

Sure thing, Mom.
As long as

he doesn't do anything
too embarrassing.

All righty, gang.

Let's saddle up
and hit the trail.

(GRUNTING)

(CRASHES)

Looky what I found, gang.

Yeah. It's my old
cougar scout uniform.

Cougar code states...

Roar. Respect, obey
all rules. Roar!

(LAUGHING)

All righty.
Let's bust a move

and get this party
started, y'all.

(IMITATES BEAT BOX)

Aw, man.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ He's cool ♪

♪ He's hot
like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast ♪

♪ He's the chosen one ♪

♪ People,
we're not braggin' ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪

♪ With his dragon power ♪

♪ Dragon teeth,
dragon tail ♪

♪ Burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ Real live wire ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

Dragon up!

♪ American Dragon ♪

Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa!

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ Skills are
gettin' faster ♪

♪ With grandpa,
the master ♪

♪ His destiny
will walk up sheets ♪

♪ It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ From the "J"
to the "A" ♪

♪ To the "K" to the "E" ♪

♪ I'm the mackdaddy dragon
of the N.Y.C. ♪

Ya heard!

Jake! Get back
to work!

Aw, man.

Dad, do you really
have to wear that old cougar uniform?

Well, I didn't
have to, son,

I wanted to.

I mean, imagine
my surprise

when I tried
this baby on,

and it still fit
like a glove.

(RATTLING)

Get down, guys.

Another one's
gonna blow.

(AIR WHOOSHING OUT)

Dad, could you maybe
try to just be

a little more,
you know, cool?

(LAUGHING)
Now Jake,

when have I ever
been not cool, huh? (SNORTS)

Well...

Ok, gang.
Smiles!

-(WATER WHOOSHING)
-Ahh!

(SPITS)

(CRASHES)

Whoa! Make it stop!
Make it stop!

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, don't worry
about a thing, son.

This weekend
your old man's

gonna be as cool
as a cucumber, huh?

Hey, speaking
of cool,

let's sing a song.

♪ Oh ♪

Dad, don't.
I'm begging you.

♪ John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪

♪ His name is
my name, too ♪

♪ Whenever
we go out ♪

♪ The people
always shout ♪

-♪ There goes John Jacob ♪
-Dad!

♪ Jingleheimer
Schmidt ♪

Trixie and Spud don't
wanna sing some lame--

BOTH: ♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da ♪

Everybody!

♪ Schmiggity schmidty,
look who's pretty ♪

♪ going down
to campground city ♪

♪ Check it,
his name is John ♪

♪ Yo, my name's, too ♪

♪ Shake your jeemer heimer
like you like to do ♪

♪ ba, da, da,
da, da, da ♪

♪ Whenever
we go out ♪

♪ The people
always shout ♪

♪ There goes John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪

♪ da, da, da, da,
da, da, da ♪

Jake, why aren't
you singing?

Public domain songs
make me nauseous.

Ha ha!

I hear you, son.

You know, car trips
make me queasy, too.

Like the time we stopped at the
all-you-can-eat pea soup place

on the way
to Grandma's.

Dad.

Yeah. I ate 6 bowls
of pea soup,

a green goddess salad,
and a side of guac,

and, well,
let's just say

the upholstery
in here

was never quite
the same after that.

Eww!

No way. Ha.
The same thing happened to me

on a road trip
to Reno.

Everything was
just so...

-Green?
-Whoa. You nailed it, Jake's dad.

(LAUGHING)
You rock.

Hey! Last one
to the campsite is a rotten egg.

Hey, speaking
of rotten eggs,

did I ever
tell you kids

about the time
I ate a batch of sour quiche?

SPUD: Carrie's
quiche-ateria, right?

(GROANS)

Haley, you are going
to love this.

There's nothing
more relaxing

than a weekend
at a nice, quiet, peaceful--

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Buckle up, shut up,
and listen up!

That's relaxing?

I think we may
have boarded the wrong bus.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

What part of-- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Do you not understand?

You're leaving here
soft and flabby,

but you're coming back
rock hard!

Now first things
first. We've set up the tents.

Lucky for you
cougar cubs,

I have
my tent badge

so there's no need
to get all tense.

(LAUGHING)
Get it?

Tense 'cause
it's, like, a play on words.

Ok, so what time
is check-in at our hotel?

I wanna make sure
we get a room near the ice machine.

Hotel? I don't think
you get it, Trixie.

We're camping.

That means
we sleep outside.

Outside? Like,
on the veranda

of our hotel
or something?

You don't get out
of the city much, do you, Trix?

Seriously, though.
On the real.

Where's the hotel?

'cause I'm not even
playing with you no more.

(MUMBLING)

Well, I guess the old
tent assembly skills

are a little bit rusty.
(SCREAMING)

Oh, I'm sorry, guys.

I know my Dad can
be ultra lame.

Yeah. If by ultra lame
you mean ultra cool.

Why you trippin',
Jakey?

Papa dog's
just doing his parent thing.

It's all love
and gravy over here.

Yeah, well, if we
don't do our own thing,

we're gonna be sleeping
without a tent.

Dragon up.

Hwah! yYa!
Hwah!

Well, shine my shoes
and call me dapper.

Golly, that was quick.

You know, I knew you had
cougar blood in you, son.

(GROWLS)

Now you know what
would be a great thing

for cougar and his cub
to do together?

Light a campfire.

I'll show you how, ok?

Well, stitch up my jeans
and call me patchy.

I guess you got it
covered there, cougie, huh? (LAUGHTER)

Must have
another s'more.

No. Too full.

Must stop eating.

Cannot resist
marshmallow goodness.

(CHEWING LOUDLY)
Oh. Mmm.

Ok. I'm trying
to get hip

to the whole
great outdoors thing,

but I do have
one question.

Where's the ladies'
room at?

'Cause I gotta go.

(WHISPERING)

Huh?

I gotta do what
in the what what?

And bring
my own who?

Oh, no.
See, home girl's gonna hold it.

(YAWNING)

Well, good night, kids.

Don't stay up too late.
I have got a full day

planned for tomorrow.

Oh, I can't wait.

The American Dragon.

You've come
to rescue us.

We are saved.

Whoa, whoa.
Slow down. I-- I--

-Gotcha!
-(GRUNTS)

Cougar code states
mosquitoes suck your blood

and carry malaria.

Do your best to not
let 'em scare ya.

Thank goodness
for my cougar handy claw 2000.

Complete with fly swatter.

Well, time for the old
cougar good night.

Grr...

(WHISPERING)
Good night.

Are you ok?

Sorry about my dad.

You must help us.

Us? Who's us?

Follow me,
American Dragon. This way!

Welcome to the sprite
village of Avon.

SPUD: Whoa. Check it out.

A tiny sprite city.

Do you think they have
tiny cheese graters

and tiny hot tubs?

Or a tiny, little
ladies' room perhaps?

Come. The village elders
have been expecting you.

(CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)

The stars tell us
that once every 100 years

a great evil will rise
from these woods

and attack our village
for 7 consecutive nights.

The Jersey Devil.

He will raid
our crop supplies

and pillage
our food stores,

leaving us to starve
during the winter months.

(SPITS)
(WHISTLING)

Man, that's whack.

Why can't y'all
just call out for,

like, a little, tiny
pizza or something?

I'd be happy to make
you some s'mores if that would--

But the stars
also tell us

that every
100 years,

a great hero
will rise

to defeat
this evil

and save
our village.

Yo, check it.

They're talkin'
about your big, bad dragon business, boy.

Totally.
You're their hero.

Ha. Yeah, that
sounds about right.

So when's this Jersey Devil gonna make
his next appearance?

I got some free space
in the schedge next summer.

The stars are very
specific about the time.

(HOWLING)
Uh...

Let me take
a wild guess.

It's coming tonight,
isn't it?

(HOWLING)

Ok. Just
to clarify, yo.

Do you or do you not
have a bathroom?

(HOWLING)

(ALL YELLING)

Dragon up.

Hyah!

(HOWLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Ha! Not bad, Jersey.

Now let's see
how you like this.

Ow, ow, ow!

(HOWLING)

(CRIES OUT)

Yeah, man.

He don't even know
who he messing with!

Yeah, take that,
buddy!

I am afraid
it is not over.

The stars say
that the creature

will return for
7 consecutive nights

Unless--

Unless
I stop it.

Yo, I don't care
if it's on the ground or what,

but Trixie needs some
shut eye for real.

I heard that.

I need a good 8 hours
of nice--

(YAWNS)
Quiet, peaceful--

DAD: Wakey, wakey!
Eggs and bakey!

(TROMBONE PLAYING)

Come on, son.
Up and at 'em.

Cougar scout
code states

ain't no sleepin'
once the sun comes a-peepin'.

(LAUGHING)
I love that one.

Aw, man.

(TROMBONE PLAYING)

Ok. I'll just go
explain that we're in the wrong place

-And--
-Mom,

Why don't you
let me talk to her?

Nobody can say
no to me.

Haley, that cute,
little girl routine will never work.

We've gotta approach
this thing with a firm--

Please, mommy.

WOMAN: let's do
some crunches!

Ok. Go for it,
sugar bear.

Brussels sprouts await!

Excuse me,
nice lady,

But I'm afraid
my mom and I don't belong here.

That's what they
all say, sister!

Now crunch!

But look how
cute I--

You just cost yourself
3 brussels sprouts.

Wanna go for 4?

-(THUDDING)
-That woman has ice in her veins.

Mm-mmm.

This breakfast,
papa dog--

Mmm. It's off the chain.

Oh, well, thank you
there, t-cat, yo.

(LAUGHING)
but, you know,

I can't take
all the credit.

The cougar
handy claw has a cooking attachment.

Y-y-ah. Oh!

Nifty, huh?
Now finish up, kiddos.

I have got a full
day of cougar bonding planned.

That sounds great
for you.

I'll be in my
tent sleeping.

(LAUGHING)
No, sirree, bob.

No son of mine
spends his weekend

In the great outdoors
sleeping the day away.

We have got
a lean-to to build,

brook trout
to catch, edible moss to forage for,

and animal droppings
to identify.

Uh...Dad,
maybe you should get started

on all that bonding
stuff without me.

I have something
I gotta do in the woods.

Oh, gotcha.

Take a shovel,
little man.

Not that kind
of something, Dad.

Trixie, Spud,
you coming?

Actually,
Dad's plan

sounds kind
of cool. Ha.

You know me,
I love foraging.

Yeah. I'm-a take
my chances with papa dog.

Maybe we'll go
hiking somewhere with indoor plumbing.

Fine. I'll catch up
with you guys later.

Can you make s'mores
with brook trout?

Oh, sure thing,
Spudster.

They're called
gilly snacks.

All right,
Jake's dad. Rockin'!

ALL: ooh.

Dragon,
you came.

(CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)

Yeah, yeah. Cool. I know, but I was
wondering if you guys had

a few tiny beds
you can push together for me?

I got some z's
to catch up on in.

Z's? There's no
time for z's

when that creature
is approaching.

Who'll spend
the day preparing?

Well, I guess
that's better

than identifying
animal droppings.

Ok. Here's what
we gotta do.

We'll build a trap
at the entrance of the village.

That way, when Jersey boy
comes for his pantry raid,

We'll be ready.

We sprites are
forever in your debt, dragon.

Hey, I'll this
over foraging

for edible moss
any day.

Hey, yo.
I think I got a bite.

-(RATTLING)
-Unh, unh.

Oh. Oh.
Whoa!

I got it!
I got it! whoa!

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

Oh!

Easy now, girl.
We've got ya.

(WHIMPERING)

(GRUNTING)

Yo, you think any
of y'all sprites

can help a dragon
out here?

Not that kind
of help.

There's just so much
beauty in the world.

(CRYING)

I can't believe
Jakey is missing this.

(SIGHS)
At first I thought he was just having

a case of the cougar
two-step, you know,

But now I'm--
I'm starting to get

the feeling that
he's avoiding me.

Nah, p-dog.
It's not like that.

He's just, um,
well, you know,

He's just, uh--

Aight. Peep this.

We'll go find him
for you. Don't trip, p-dog.

We'll get Jake and bring him back to camp
in time for dinner.

Dinner? They call
that dinner?

A steamed turnip
and a parsley sprig. I don't think so.

I know there's food
in here somewhere.

(DOOR CREAKS)

(GASPS)
There!

It's locked.

Now, Haley.
I think a little dragon fire

might just melt
that lock right off. What do you think?

But the mean lady says
that food is just a substitute

for feelings
of inadequacy--

Uh-huh. Tell that
to someone

that didn't do
600 crunches today!

-Now melt!
-We're gonna get in trouble.

(CLANKING)

(ALARM BLARES)

Put down
the candied ham.

Run!

(ANIMAL HOWLING)

You're missing some
serious bonding, dude.

In case you
haven't noticed,

I have a whole village
of sprites to protect.

Dad will have
plenty of time to embarrass me later.

Dude, you're
embarrassing yourself.

Your dad's cool
as a fan.

-He showed us how to catch trout.
-And birth a deer.

And how to prevent
forest fires.

Uh, wait.
No, that was that bear--

The talking bear.

You know, you're lucky
to have this time with papa dog.

I haven't even seen my dad since
his air force unit got shipped overseas.

Oh, man. Way to kill
my sugar buzz, Trix.

(CRUNCHING)
S'mores? S'mores?

Yeah. I guess
I should go find my dad.

(HOWLING)

Speaking of
the Jersey Devil.

(HOWLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(HOWLING)

Listen, Jersey.

The stars already
predicted me

Giving you a heaping
helping of hiney-whoop,

so why don't you
just take a dive?

Whoa! (GRUNTS)

That thing is heading right for
sprite village. We gotta stop it.

Dude, do you know
what's right between here

and the sprite village?

(GASPS)
Our campsite.

But--but--
that means--

Dad!

Dad! dad!
can you hear me?

Hey, papa dog!

Mr. L.!

His scout uniform.

Oh, no!
Dad!

(HOWLING)

That's it. This time,
it's personal.

(ECHOING)
Dragon up.

Ok, now.
That's just showing off.

Hey, yo, Jake.
Wait up, baby.

Watch the light,
Haley.

(BARKING)

When does
the relaxing part start, mommy?

When we get
over that fence.

If my cute face
had worked,

none of this
would have happened.

Oh, Haley.
This isn't your fault.

I'm the one
who dragged you on the wrong bus

and then encouraged you

to use your dragon powers
to break the rule.

Mom, that's it!
Dragon powers.

Now that's
what I call cute.

(SNIFFING)

Can you do it?

(DOG BARKING)

Wow, mommy.
You're really light.

I think you've
lost some weight.

(HEAVY FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(HOWLING)

All right, Jersey.

Come on out and fight
like a man, you mutant.

Hiya! Hwah!

Ooh. Ha!

Ha ha!

Wa-ha!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Whoa!

(GROWLING)

There's more
where that came from, Jersey.

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

(EXCLAIMS)

Whoa!
(CRASHES)

(GROANING)

(HOWLING)

(GROANING)

Whoa!

Ahh!

(GROWLING)

(TROMBONE PLAYING)

Nobody messes
with my son.

(BEEPS)

Eat bear spray!

Hunh!

(BEEPS)

(GROANING)

Oh, hold on
there, Jake.

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

Dad, you're alive.

Mr. L., where
have you been?

And what happened
to your clothes, yo?

Well, when that
bear attacked our camp,

(STAMMERING)
I went into survival mode.

Cougar scout code:
when evading a wild animal,

you must discard
your clothes

And cover yourself
in mud to hide your scent.

That wasn't a bear.
That was a--

Well, as soon
as I saw it, I went looking for you kids.

Nothing's gonna
happen to you on my watch, Jake.

Cougar scout code?

No. Father code.

Dad, do you think
there still might be

enough time to do
some of that

Bonding you were
talking about?

Oh, well, heck
yeah, son.

What do you say
we sing another song

on our way
back to camp?

♪ Oh-- ♪

Only if we get
to choose the song.

Gotcha.
Kick it, kids.

♪ Kickin' it campin' style
in the woods ♪

♪ Things ain't
all bad but they sure ain't good ♪

♪ No bathroom,
no hot tub, not even a bed ♪

♪ If it wasn't
for the p-dog we'd all be dead ♪

♪ Yo, check it out ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm
on the level ♪

♪ Papa dog beat
the Jersey-- ♪

Bear.

(IMITATING BEAT BOX)

A-wicky, wicky whoo.

Wicky whoo, whoo, whoo.

(WHISPERING)
Psst. Hey, American Dragon.

Oh, no.
Not again.

Come with me.
You must see.

We are dedicating
a statue to our hero.

(ALL CHEERING)

Guys, you really
didn't have to do all this.

Behold!

SPRITES: Whoo!

My dad?

He is our greatest hero.

Yeah. Mine, too.

Home sweet home,
cougar kids.

Bathroom!

Well, what a coinky-dink.
Your mom's home.

How was the bonding
weekend, girls?

Perfect. We had
a wonderful,

Bonding,
life-affirming--

(GASPS)
Are those s'mores?

(CRUNCHING)

(SCREAMING)

HALEY: Mommy!
save some for me.

MOM: Marshmallow heaven.