American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 1, Episode 12 - Body Guard Duty - full transcript

ROSE: Oh!
He has your eyes.

But he has your smile.

I don't know where that
nose came from, though.

Hmm. I think
he's missing something.

Arms.

Ha ha! What do you know?
He is a she.

(GASPS) Jake!
How did you...

Well, that's...
That's awesome.

Not as awesome
as the real thing.

(BEEPS)

Ahem! Sorry, Jake.
I have to go.



Well, bye.

I'm telling you,
it was the most perfect first date ever...

Until she took off
for no reason.

Dude, what's up
with the two of you always almost kissing?

I'm growing impatient
with this.

Yeah. How come whenever
you two link up,

one of you always got
to bounce off somewhere?

Well, I got
dragon business

and Rose always
has aerobics or something.

Uh, Jakey, not to
bust your bubble,

but if it was gonna
happen between you and Rose,

you think it maybe
would have happened already?

Chin up, dude.
Maybe you two can hang out more

once aerobics season
is over.



Or dragon season.

Spud, that's it. Dragon
season's never gonna be over.

If I ever want things
to happen with Rose,

I gotta tell her the truth.

-The truth?
-The truth.

This weekend, I'm telling
Rose I'm a dragon.

Mr. Long, I didn't know you were
coming on the school ski trip.

What fun this weekend
will be.

You have no idea.

Yi!

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast,
He's the chosen one ♪

♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪

♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ A real live wire ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

JAKE: Dragon up!

♪ American Dragon ♪

Oh, oh, oh, whoa!

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

Break it down with the dragon

♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪

♪ With grandpa, the master ♪

♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪

♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ From the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E" ♪

♪ I'm the Mack Daddy dragon of the NYC ♪

Ya heard!

GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!

Aw, man.

Ah, chaperone, from
the French chape, meaning...

If you hoodlums think you can get away
with anything on this trip,

you've got another
thing coming. I did not spend 18 years

at Farmersteichen University

to baby-sit children
on a ski trip,

so you will behave
or you will be gone! Questions?

Looks like somebody
forgot to drink

his chamomile tea
this morning.

It's cool. Not even
Rotwood's gonna ruin this weekend for me.

Uh, yeah, about that. I don't think
Rose is ready for the "D" word.

But she needs to know
the real me.

Besides, this weekend's
Valentine's day.

It's the perfect time.

So, what are you
gonna do?

Slip a Valentine
under her door?

Yeah. With, like,
a cute little picture of a puppy on it.

Ahem! Roses are red,
puppy tail's waggin',

by the way,
I'm a dragon.

Would you like me to
write that up for you? Yes. Say yes.

My mind's made up. I waited too long
to tell you guys the truth about me.

I'm not gonna make the
same mistake with... Rose!

-Hey!
-Hey, I saved you a seat.

Enough with the dilly-dally.
Take your seats!

Hey, hey!
Rose-alicious!

-Hi, Brad.
-So guess what?

The Bradster's
turned over a new leaf.

A leaf of
sensitivity and compassion...

You know,
junk like that.

Watch this.
(GRUNTS)

Whoo-hoo!
That's right!

The Bradster's
not afraid to cry! Yeah!

You like that,
baby, don't you?

(GROANS)

Oh, I'll give that guy
something to cry about.

Attention, students, I hold in my hand
the key to your happiness.

These are special
ski passes issued by the school.

You must keep them
on your person at all times.

-Wait! I did not give...
-(KIDS CHEERING AND TALKING)

PROFESSOR ROTWOOD:
Oh, something broke!

No, wait! I think
it's just a sprain!

(CRACK)

Oh, no. It's broken.

You know,
Jake's not the only one

with a hookup
to make this weekend.

Who you checkin' for,
broham?

Not who... What.

The ski lift
is my Valentine this weekend.

She's playing it cool right now,
but by the time this bus pulls away

on Sunday afternoon,

she will be mine.

Yo, Jake, can you
translate Spud for me, please?

Spud's never made it
on the ski lift.

He's kind of...
Terrified of it.

Not terrified...
Respectful.

Okay, girl.
Come here, gently.

Aah! Okay. Terrified.

Room 215.
This is me.

(GASPS)

You're rooming with Rose?

Not if you don't
let me through the door, I'm not.

Okay, okay.
Here's the plan.

You two are to stay up all night
giggling and girl-talking about me.

Then, in the morning, you'll give me
the 4-1-1 about Rose's hopes,

dreams, favorite
nail polish shade. Yeah, baby, I'm in!

Whoo whoo! Uh, uh!

Yo, Jake, girl-talk
is not my speed, okay?

Trixie does not do
the giggly-headed,

nail-painting,
hair-braiding,

boy-liking, light
popcorn nibbling flim-flam.

-I'll give you 10 bucks.
-Make it 20,

and I'll tape record
home girl snoring.

Deal!

Rose! Girl-hug!
Hee hee hee hee!

This is me.

Hey, look
who gets to room

with the new, sensitive,
softer Bradster.

Go deep, rookie!

Uhh!

And this must be
my roo... Whoa!

Happy Valentine's
day to me!

(GASPS) What
are you doing?

Get out of our room,
you weirdo!

SPUD: Aah! Medics!
Medics! Aah!

GIRL:
Get out!

Uh, Spud, I think
you got the wrong room.

If this room is wrong,
I don't want to be right.

-Oh, okay! Ow!
-Get out!

PROFESSOR ROTWOOD:
Per school rules,

before you do the
shushing of the slopes,

we must discuss
a few safety guidelines.

Now, number one...
Always approach the ski lift with care

as you... Aah!
Already take me down!

(SPLAT)

What do you call it again when ze broken
bone protrudes from ze flesh?

What happened to you?

I got the wrong room.

Speaking of rooms,
how's that girl-talk going?

Mm, we were...

What did Rose say
about me?

-Well...
-She likes my hair, though, right?

Does she like
my hair?

-Well, we...
-Shh! There she is!

Jakey, I am warning you.
Think this thing through.

Take it from us.
It's not the easiest thing in the world

finding out
your friend is a...

-Dragon!
-What?

Your snowboard.

Oh, yeah. Snowboard.
Dragon. Ha! That's right.

You still got
that birthmark?

It's kind of permanent.

Hey, I have
a birthmark, too!

Oh, Spudster, no!
You nasty!

Ahem! Uh,
listen, Rose,

speaking of
birthmarks,

there's something
I wanted to talk to you about...

Rose-alicious!

Oh, hey, you've got
a little something caught in your jacket.

I got you a Rose
'cause that's your name.

That's what sensitive
guys do, right?

They give girls
Roses and junk. Man, I rule at this stuff!

I don't know what to say. Whoa!

Girls who don't know
what to say rock! Whoo hoo!

Okay, then.
We'll talk later.

No problem.
We're cool. Cool.

Jakey, you gotta stop
thinking extra hard about this Rose thing.

You don't see Spud going around,
being all obsessive over some girl.

♪ We are united ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We are united ♪

Quiet, Lifty Jr.
Daddy's trying to read. Whoa!

All right, Spud. Let's cut the chatter
and get down to the matter.

Mastering the ski lift is all about
making booty to the bench contact.

All right, come on. Now don't be afraid
to put some hip into it.

Uhh!
How was that?

Uh... Your birthmark
is showing.

Uhh!

Whoa!

Whoa!

-Wha...
-(CAT YOWLS)

Uhh!

(SPUD'S TEETH CHATTERING)
Oh, I need a heater!

On the up-side,
I've mastered the art of snotsicles.

(ROARING)

Ear of the dragon...

HUNTSMASTER:
You've done well, Huntsgirl.

Thank you,
Huntsmaster.

You can send the Huntsclan
to pick him up at sundown.

The Huntsclan? Why should I send them
when you're already there?

Master, I captured
the creature like you asked, but...

But nothing.
You're not a child anymore, Huntsgirl.

Come home with
the pelt of the abominable snowman

or don't come home
at all.

(SIGHS)

I may be wrong,
but I think Abominable over there

might be an
endangered species.

The only endangered
species I see around here is you!

Uhh!

Hmm.
White's not really your color.

Hyah!

What are you doing
here, anyway?

If I didn't know any better,
I'd swear you were following me.

Well, maybe I am.

Well, maybe
you should stop.

Maybe you should chill.

(GASPS)

Uhh!

Yo! You forgot your...
Ski pass?

You! no skateboarding
in the lodge!

You two, separate!

You three, feet off
the coffee table!

I... Da... I... Oh!
Oh, g... Ow, ow, ow!

(CRACK)

Don't worry. That was
just my crutch!

-Ow, ow, ow!
-(CONTINUES FALLING DOWNSTAIRS)

-(CRACK)
-That was my leg.

So anyway,
after she ran off, I found this.

Hold fast!
Only people from our school have those.

Exactly! The Huntsgirl's here on
the ski trip! She's one of us!

Whoa! Happy Valentine's day to Jake.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,

your arch enemy goes
to school with you.

Harsh!

Ooh! We got a rizz-at
in the hizz-ouse.

-Now all we gotta do is just set a trap.
-That's her!

Hyah-oh-ah!

(ALL LAUGH)

Yo! I don't think
attacking mannequins

qualifies as a trap,
dude.

Yeah. I guess
you're right.

It's not like
the Huntsgirl

would just be hanging
out in the lodge.

What do you mean
you won't be bringing me

an abominable
snowman pelt?

Don't worry.
I have something better.

A dragon skin. I'll be
slaying it tonight.

Hey, did I
hear you right?

Oh, well, I was...

You're going sleighing?
'Cause I love a good sleigh ride!

In fact, maybe you and me
can go sleighing tonight.

See, there's something
I want to tell you and...

Hey, Rose! Oh, look.
I think you dropped something.

More Roses
for my Rose-alicious!

(GROANS)

Yo, that fool is
going down!

Forget him. We got bigger
flapjacks to flip.

Uh, Jake, I feel the need to tell you
that I'm a little disturbed by this plan.

I'm more disturbed by the fact that Jake
not only owns a leprechaun costume

but brought it on a ski trip.
What up with that?

What? So
I overpacked.

Oh, gosh, begorrah. 'Tis a sad thing
indeed to be a little, lost leprechaun.

I do hope a ninja huntress
doesn't come upon me, don't you know?

Gotcha, Huntsgirl.

Uhh!

Uh, actually
it's just Earl.

Hey, are you
a leprechaun?

Uh, you're just
seeing things.

It's an advanced stage
of altitude sickness.

Whoa! Leprechauns rock!

Uh, my room now!

Yo, Jake, this
thing has gone way too far.

You're tackling innocent...

-What the...
-(GRUNTING)

Oh! Uh... Hey, there.

I was just, um...

Getting in a quick,
pre-ski workout.

Uhh!

Heh heh heh!

Yo, did you see that?

Heck, yeah!
Rose is totally buff!

-Yeah!
-Yeah!

JAKE: Trust me, Trix,
this plan is foolproof.

Attention in the lodge.

There's a collect call
at the front desk from...

Huntsmaster.

(HUMMING)

Here she comes.

Yah! Wrong number,
Huntsgirl!

Think you can hide
under all that padding?

-Huh?
-Huh?

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Aaah! Yah!

-Okay. Maybe we need a new plan.
-Shh!

So I must have
lost my ski pass somewhere.

Do you think
I could maybe get another?

Well, normally I would
never allow it,

but seeing as you
asked so nicely,

I'm sure
I could allow it.

-Oh, excuse me.
-Aiiiiyah!

Aah! My ribs!

(GASPS)

Okay, y'all saw that,
right?

Yeah. Rose's aerobics
classes are really paying off.

Dude, check it out!

ANNOUNCER: Gale-force
winds and heavy snowfall

will combine to create
blizzard conditions.

Hear that?
Blizzard coming in.

The ladies
love the blizzards.

The cold makes them
all snuggly! Ah-whoo!

I'm gonna totally make
my move with Rose tonight.

I got all the junk
for romance...

Chocolates, candlelight...

Let me guess...
Romantic music?

Are you kidding? These are just so
I don't have to listen to her talk.

Or you for that matter.
What? What? I can't hear you!

Uhh!

Don't worry
about me now, huh?

My Teutonic blood allows me endure
extraordinarily high levels of pain.

What's that, Mother?

The chickens
are loose again?

-Ah!
-(CRASH)

I've got to tell Rose
I'm a dragon

before Brad gets a
chance to make his move!

Uh, Jakey, I don't
want to be the one to bring this up,

but seeing as you're
blind as a bat,

haven't you noticed anything strange
about the way Rose has been acting?

-No.
-Denial, party of one.

Your table's ready.

Repeat game, Jakey.

The missing ski pass,
the ninja body slam,

the pro-wrestler
biceps, boy!

I'm sorry, Jakey,
but Rose is totally Huntsgirl,

and I'm not about to
let you go tell your arch enemy

that you're a dragon.
I mean, think about it!

Hey, you're pretty
sure about this. Too sure!

Maybe 'cause you're
hiding something!

You know, I searched
every girl's room this weekend

-except yours, Huntsgirl!
-(GASPS)

Okay, now you just
buggin', boyfriend.

If I were her,
I would have shut you down by now.

You can't touch
my ninja business!

I'm sorry,
but it's Rose.

Roses are red,
Jake wants to hurl

'cause he just found out
that Rose is Huntsgirl.

Man, you know what?
I am good at this stuff!

See ya.

Oh, yeah, and now
for a little Rose-Brad alone time.

I'm sorry, Jake,
but who you gonna trust?

Us or her?

Jake, are you
listening to me?

Yeah. Can we talk
about this later?

No, we cannot
talk about... Ow!

All right, okay. But don't
come crying to Trixie

when that she-witch filets you with her
hunt... Stick... Thingamabobby.

Roses are red,
Spot is afraid,

Trixie's ticked off,
Jake's getting slayed.

You! You've got to
shut that down!

Rose!
Rose-alicious!

Uhh!

Ding-ding, baby!
You've got a ticket for the Brad-o-rail,

now boarding at
station love! Whoo-whoo!

Eye of the dragon!

(GROANS)

Dragon up!

What exactly did I tell you
about trapping innocent creatures?

Hmm. You don't look
so innocent to me.

-(SNAP)
-Huh?

Whoa!
Uhh!

(GRUNTS)

Aw, man!

You know what? Forget him!

Let him fend for himself out in the snow
with a blizzard and a ninja.

I'm worried
about him, too.

Well, come on, then.

We gotta get
our rescue on!

B-b-eh-heh-ha.

Where exactly do
you think you're going?

(SPUTTERS)

Cold.

There! Jake's footprints!

I'm guessing
that's where the wings kicked in.

There's no way we could
walk up that mountain in this storm.

Who said anything
about walking?

-(LIFT CHAIR CRASHES)
-(GULPS)

Looks like
you're mine at last.

How long do you think
a wooden cage

is gonna hold in
the American Dragon?

Long enough for me
to slay you.

(INHALES)

(COUGHS)

Oh, is the big,
bad blizzard wind

too much for your
"wittle" dragon fire?

Yo, baby, you're the wind
beneath my wings.

Yeah!

Uh-oh!

Oh, oh, oh!

Whoa, whoa!

Rose! Rose, baby!
Where are ya?

Come on, don't be shy.
Time to par-tay!

-Whoa!
-Aah!

Oh, oh, oh! Whoa!
Whoo-hoo!

PROFESSOR ROTWOOD:
Really, this is silly.

I am... I'll be fine.

My bones just need time
for the healing required.

Is there a hot chocolate?

Oh! Ow!
(GROANS)

Hyah!

Yo, get off my back, woman!

Uhh!

Give it up, dragon!

-Never!
-Fine!

Catch me if you can!

Uhh!

Snowboarding.
That's what I'm saying!

Not bad! Let's see how
you do off the trail!

Whoa! Uhh!

Uhh!
(GASPS)

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

(TREES CRASHING)

Hah! Nice moves, dragon.

Right back atcha...

But you need a pair of
wings to really catch air.

Hyah!

Whoa! Uhh!

Hah! How do you
like me now?

You'll pay for that!

Leaving so soon?
Stick around a while.

Uhh! Uhh, uhh!

Uhh! Uhh! Go ahead!
Finish the job!

The Huntsclan will
find you soon enough. Trust me!

Actually, I don't.

They were right!

(GRUNTS)

You like it? It's
the mark of the Huntsclan.

It assures me that
I was born to do one thing...

Slay dragons!

Say good-bye!
Ai-yah!

(VOICE ECHOING)

(RUMBLING)

-Aah!
-Whoa!

Rose!

Whoa!

Uhh!

Huh?

What are you doing?

Uhh!

Uhh!

Why did you save me?
We're mortal enemies.

Or did you forget?

I wish I could.

Dragon, you saved my life,

but that doesn't change my destiny.
Any last words?

-Eat snow, Huntsgirl! Rrarr!
-Uhh!

Whoa! did you see that?

I did it! I've mastered the ski lift!

-(CLANK)
-Ow!

Another day, dragon.
I'll slay you yet.

Ain't you gonna
go after her?

Let her go.

I should have trusted
you guys all along.

Hey, don't even
sweat it, Jakey.

If you ask me,
Rose wasn't all that, anyway.

Listen to this.

(SNORING ON TAPE)

She snores like
gravel in a blender.

Plus, you should
see homegirl's feet.

She puts some
serious ninja wear and tear

on them joints.

Oh, and don't even
get me started on sharing it back.

(MUFFLED RANTING)

(CRIES OUT)

(SOBBING)

(MUFFLED RANTING)

Hey, ladies, I'm offering
approved rates on the Bradster express.

Who's riding? All aboard!

Ah-choo!

-Ah-choo!
-Ew!

Weirdo.

Oh, here comes trouble.

Hey, Jake!

Listen, I'm sorry we didn't get
a chance to hang out this weekend.

Hey, you were busy.

So, you wanted to tell me something?
Is this seat taken?

♪ And I don't want to let you go ♪

Hi.

Hi, yourself.

♪ When we know the time is right ♪

♪ And I don't want to let you go ♪

Sorry. It is.

Yo, where is Spud, anyway?

That's right, Lifty.
It's you and me together forever!

A match made in heav... Aah!

(SPLAT)

Okay, fine,
but for the record, I broke up with you!