American Dad! (2005–…): Season 9, Episode 12 - Introducing the Naughty Stewardesses - full transcript

♪ Good morning, USA!

♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪

♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say

♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA

Aah!

Oh Stan, this trip could not
have come at a better time.

Our lives have
been so dull lately.

I'm not gonna lie.

I started stealing again



and I came real close
to cutting myself.

Anyway, I guess
I'm just trying to say,

thanks for the
surprise trip to Hawaii.

And the surprises
don't stop there

because we're actually
going to Sacramento.

Sacramento?!

That's so... boring!

Boring? But honey,
Sacramento is broken up

into four different areas.

Area one.

Area two.

Area three.

Area four.

Doesn't that sound insane?!



So, then I told him,
"I like my men

like I like my coffee:

in an extra-large cup."

Ooh.

Oh, Margie, you gotta stop
pounding so much...

...coffee!

Wink!

Ooh! Look at those girls.

They certainly seem
to be having fun.

I know, they're fabulous.

If we're looking for fun,

maybe we need to take a page
from their book.

Or, maybe it's time for you
to write a book of your own.

Oh, my God.
They're talking to us.

We knew you were
listening to us.

We don't mind.

We like it.

We're four
high-flying gals

who like to have fun.

We give a whole new
meaning to "Red Eye."

I'm not sure I get that,
but I know it's filthy.

You girls should have
your own TV show!

People tell us that
all the time.

But I can assure you,

we're not simple
TV caricatures,

we're real people
with hopes and dreams.

I'm Angie, I'm in it for money.

I'm Christy,
I'm in it for adventure!

I'm Margie, I'm in it for love.

I'm Denise,
I'm in it to avenge my father.

And together, we're...

The Naughty Stewardesses!

Those are some friendly skies.

Oh, my God! Stan, you had
a piece of glass in your eye.

I really appreciate you
doing my homework for me, Steve.

Aw...

I should be thanking you.

I never knew how beautiful
the French language was,

until I had to learn it
to do your homework.

Merci.

Sometimes I feel like I should
be doing my own homework,

but then I'm like, nah.

Did you like my story?

Oh, that's my
boyfriend, Figgus.

He says he wants to "fun me"
in his dad's toolshed.

What does that mean?

Uh... pretty sure
that's his auto-correct.

Oh... that explains why his
"ditch pic" looks like this.

Quit lookin' at my ditch, nerd.

There you are, silly.

Still pining
after Jenna, I see.

If you haven't closed
the deal with her by now

you'll never close it.

Easy, Barry.

He'll make his move
when he's ready.

Yeah. We nerds
have a long history

of making our dream girls
fall for us.

Like that kid in
Revenge of the Nerds,

who finally won the heart
of that cheerleader.

Oh, you mean the one who
put on a Darth Vader mask

so he could rape her
at that carnival?

Yep.

Nah, never saw it.

Yeah, Coach says
I gotta break up with you

so I can focus on football.

Did you do it?
Yes, sir!

Good. 'Cause you players
won't look up to me

if you're having sex
and I'm not.

Now... who's house
am I sleeping at tonight?

Oh, my God. Steve, looks like
Jenna's back on the market.

This is the window
you've been waiting for!

Yeah, it's perfect!

You could ask her to the
"Winter Harvest" dance.

H-h-h-hey-hey, Jenna.

Uh, y-y-you okay?

Figgus broke up with me.

It hurts so bad.

Why can't I ever
find a nice guy?

I wish there was
somebody out there

who'd ask me out
and take this pain away.

Wow! I can't remember
the last time

I had a Black Russian!

I can.
Layover in Moscow.

Ooh.

Sounds like you got,
"laid-over."

Don't try, Stan.
Just you be you.

Oh, my God. Is that
Mark Cuban's bodyguard?

Oh, and Mark Cuban!

Yeah... last night,
he and Margie hooked up...

until they were havin' sex.

Margie, last night was amazing.

I want to finish
what we started.

I'm thinkin' me, you,

and a weekend at
my mansion in Monte Carlo.

Oh, Cuban,
that sounds incredible,

but I'm working
a flight to Miami

which leaves in ten minutes.

Unless...

my new friends
Stan and Francine

could cover for me.

Would you...?

Yes! Yes! Yes!
Oh, my God, yes!

Then I guess that makes you
a couple of Naughty Stewardesses.

I'll see you guys later.
Sounds good.

And Margie, feel free to move
about the Cuban.

The Cuban.

Nice.

Now you got it.

All I needed was the pin!

That's Gin.
You just gave me Gin.

Why would you discard a three?

I don't know.

I guess my head's not in it.

Yeah, clearly.

If I wanted to play a complete
moron, I'd play with Klaus.

Burn, Steve!

Look, what's goin' on, Steve?

Let's fix your head,

so I can actually
have a game here.

Well, you know that
beautiful girl, Jenna,

I've kind of had my eye on?

Is this the same girl
whose picture you put

in your pajama bottoms
before you go to bed?

You know about that?

Who do you think takes
your pajamas off at night?

Anyway..

Jenna's my dream girl...

but it doesn't matter now,

because I missed
my window of opportunity.

I had the perfect opening to
make her mine, but I wussed out!

You wussed out?!

You're better than that, Steve.

Did the Kennedys wuss out?

No! They find a girl they like
and then they drown 'em.

I guess you're right.

Well, look,
I need my Gin partner back

and if you're too chicken
to ask her out,

why don't I do it for you?

What do you mean?

We need to surgically
switch faces,

so I can pretend to be you
and win her heart.

Then we'll switch back
and she's yours.

Wait a minute.
Surgically switch faces?

Why don't you just
put on one of your costumes?

Yeah, I guess I could,
but I also got all these tools

from my planet
in my junk drawer.

Hold on.

Are, are you, are you
sure about this?

Uh, th-th-this
seems really dangerous.

Calm down, it's totally safe.

How are you not dead?!

Is, is my face off?

Now, I just gotta
get mine off so we can swap.

Oh, my God, the inside
of your face smells so bad!

Oh, that's just Greek yogurt.

I spilled some
in my eye socket yesterday

and then I went in the sun.

This is so freaky.

You really think
this is gonna work?

Sure!

With your face on my face,
I'll be dragging Jenna

into the creek behind school

and harvesting
her organs in no time.

No! That's not the plan!

Okay, y-you should probably

write down what you
want me to do.

I hope this was
a good idea, Klaus.

I'm trusting Roger not to screw
things up with my fantasy girl.

Don't worry, it'll be fine.

I'm sure Roger will be
a total gentleman.

Woman, we need to talk.

Oh, hi, Steve.

Did you finish my homework?

Yeah, I did some work at home.

I battered my fish stick
to your candid in the yearbook.

Now get over here
and put this hand

in your back pocket
facing your ass.

Steve! I didn't know
you were so... romantic.

Your bottom's warm.

Great job, guys.

Let me know if you run
out of diet ginger ale.

Thanks, Ange, but no one's
ever run out of diet ginger ale.

This is so exciting.
I know!

I just told someone to turn off
their phone and they did.

Hey, how'd that joker in 3-C
board with a carry-on that big?

Wait a minute.

Isn't that
Mark Cuban's bodyguard?

Why is he on this flight?

Yeah. There's something
fishy about that guy.

I think he may have had
something to do with

my dad's death.

You think that
about everyone, Denise.

You know, he is clutching
that bag awfully close.

I'm on it.

Here, let me
help you stow that.

No! The bag stays with me.

We have to help Stan
get that bag.

We need to create a diversion,

Naughty Stewardess style.

Mini pillow fight!

Can I stow that for you now?

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

No! Ow!

What is it?
It's plans to blow up the sun!

Stan, I think that guy is
touching himself

to the pillow fight.

Oh, who me?

No, I'm just thinking about
the sun blowing up.

It's gonna be so... bright.

Thanks for walking me home.

I would have walked you home
but I didn't want to.

I totally get it.

So, I'll meet you at
the dance tonight?

Yeah, you will.

'Cause this is happening,

you and me.

Dare I say... us...?

Be at the dance at seven sharp.

I'll be there around nine.

What...?

Yes.

Oh, mmm-mmm, oh, my God.

Mmm, oh, this is so heavy.

I'm so into this right now.

So, did you get her?

Oh, hey.
Yeah, yeah, I got her.

She's a special gal, Steve.

Great!

So I guess it's time
to tag me back in?

Yeah, the plan's changed.

What?! Wh-what are you
talking about?

I'm the one that got Jenna.

I should be able
to take her to the dance.

And spend the rest
of my life with her.

Wait a minute,
th-this is my life.

I'm Steve!

Yeah, yeah you
make a good point.

Okay, we'll switch faces
just as soon as I fix this lamp.

What's wrong with it?
It's broken.

Ah... shouldn't have
hit him in the face.

That's my face.

I'm so happy
we're together now.

I had no idea that there was
such a cool guy under that face.

I'm so glad
to hear you say that.

I want to be with you
forever, Jenna.

Me, too. But I have something
I need to tell you.

Steve, I'm pregnant
with Figgus's baby.

Huh?
When I told him about it,

he just said he was late
for football practice.

He doesn't care at all
and that really hurts.

But now that I know you
want to be with me forever,

everything's gonna
be all right.

Right?
Of course.

Oh, my God, of course.

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

You wanted your life back.

Well, here you go.

Oh, and I got big news
on the Jenna front.

Oh, thank God.

It feels so good not to have
your disgusting skin touching

my face muscles anymore.

What's the big news?

Your hatred of my skin
is news to me.

No...! About Jenna,
you idiot.

What did I miss?

Wh-what do I need to know?

Nothing.
She's totally into you

and you should
hurry back to the dance,

she's waiting for you.

That's amazing, Roger!

Thanks a lot.

Wait, uh, there, there
might be one more thing.

Oh, yeah, there is--
I owe you this.

That was the thing.

Run to her.

I'm so nervous.

I can't believe
you're not nervous.

Nervous?! I'm excited
to meet your parents.

I've never met
the parents before.

I'm so glad I have you.

When I told you it was time
to come clean to my parents

about my baby,
you didn't even hesitate.

Hey, if my baby wants to tell
the world about her baby,

who am I to say no?

You're so sweet.

I don't even know what to tell
my parents about Figgus...

Don't even mention him.

Steve's here now.

I'm taking over.

Mom, Dad, Steve's here!

Oh, great!

Welcome to our home, son.

We've heard such nice
things about you.

The pleasure is all mine.

Halfway there.
Still excited.

Oh, my God!

Darling, are you all right?

I-I'm fine. It's just
a little morning sickness.

I didn't want it
to come out like this.

But...
we're pregnant!

What?!
What?!

What?!

Steve!

Don't play innocent now!

You knocked up my baby girl?

When I get down there,
I'm gonna murder you.

Don't you move.

You're pregnant?

Oh, my God. He's got me!

He's taking me up the stairs!

What's at the top
of the stairs?!

Oh, God, it's all
happening so slowly!

All right,
according to the notes

scribbled on those blueprints,

tonight's the night that Mark
Cuban plans to blow up the sun.

That's brilliant!

Anyway, we gotta
find Cuban and stop him.

Look, there's Margie.

Margie, thank God
you're all right.

We found out that Mark Cuban
is trying to blow up the sun.

We need to stop him.

Do you know where he is?

Yeah, he's in his study.

You touch-a my son,
I break-a you face.

The flight attendant from our flight--
Some guy!

We saw your bodyguard's copy of
your plans to blow up the sun

and we're here to stop you.

What?!

I see your confusion.

I left off an "s."
It's the "Suns."

The Phoenix Suns.
They're in our conference,

and even though they haven't
been to the playoffs

in like the last seven years,

I think this
could be their year.

Well, having missiles
pointed at an entire NBA team

is still pretty terrible.

You know, I debated
whether I should say

"blow up" in these plans?

What I meant was, I'm going to
destabilize their franchise

through swift and shrewd
free agency moves.

But "blow up" sounds
way more exciting.

Oh! But we do have an intern

who's going to deflate their
basketballs before practice.

Oh. I guess that's
not a problem then.

Because it sounds
perfectly legal.

We don't care if it is legal!

We're the official airline
of the Phoenix Suns!

So, when you mess with them,

you mess with
the Naughty Stewardesses.

Well, looks like we've beaten

and hog-tied you
in your own home,

so... our estimated time
of departure is... right now.

Oh, Stan, that was amazing!

This was the most exciting trip

we could have taken.

Says the girl who hasn't
been to Sacramento yet.

Oh, Stan, I love you.

I love you too, honey.

And I love you, Denise.

Um, what?!

Dad?! You're alive!

He just punched her in the face,
like, three seconds ago.

Wait a minute, where's Steve?

Um... he went to meet
his girlfriend's parents.

But we play Gin on Thursdays.

You could play with me.

Klaus, I gotta take this.

It's private, so...

Stevie, Gin night,
what's the excusies?

You like that?

Yeah, it sounds like
cute shorthand,

but it's actually longer.

So, that's what
I've been working on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yes, yes, I knew
she was pregnant.

Why do you think
you got her back?

You are apoplectic.

You know what you need?
To relax.

I'll tell you what,
meet me at the tea house

we went to that one time.

You know, the one with
those really great mugs

that don't have handles?

So...

How are you?

How's Jenna?

How's Jenna?!
Are you kidding!

Hey! Hey!

You need to take a nice
calming sip of tea

and abide by the rules.

She's pregnant!

Her parents won't help.

And she's all alone.

I-I don't know what to do.

Well, I think it's pretty
obvious what you need to do.

You need to kick this bitch...

...to the curb.

Pronto.

I can't abandon her.
I gotta do the right thing.

Steve, that's not
your responsibility.

If it's anybody's,
it's Figgus's.

That's the thing,
Figgus doesn't care.

All he cares is what
his football coach says.

Well, there you go!

Let's go fix this.

Get my Gin partner back.

But Roger,
what are we gonna do?

Steve, I think
it's pretty obvious,

that this is one of those
things I explain on the way.

Uh, Coach?

M-my mom says if you
want to stay over again,

y-you have to at least
roll up your sleeping bag.

Get in here!

What's up, Coach?

Figgus, remember how I said
I didn't want my players

having sex if I
wasn't getting any?

Well, forget that.

Get back together
with your girlfriend.

Okay, Coach!

Does that mean you're
finally getting some?

No... it's more that the school
board heard about my policy

and apparently,
I'm not allowed to have it.

Sometimes in life, you gotta
make half-time adjustments.

So, get back together
with your girlfriend,

raise your baby together and...

well, see you at practice.

And I hope you don't
drop that baby

as much as you drop
the football.

Now get out of here.

Your towel's bleeding, Coach.

Shut up and
hit the showers, Figgus.

Oh, and don't look behind
the door on your way out.

Okay, Coach, you can
have your face back

if you promise us two things:

One, never say
anything about this.

And two, run 22
flea-flicker plays

in a row Friday night.

Steve, I really appreciate
you being there for me.

But Figgus... came back.

And he's...

better than you in every way.

Yeah, I agree.

Come on... flea-flicker!

And that's the
twenty-second flea-flicker in a row.

Pearl Bailey is getting smoked!

Terrible coaching.

I got to hand it to you, Roger.

Craziest prop bet I ever took.

That's right, Sammy.

Now give me my pack
of Life Savers.

You're not gonna be
this lucky forever, Roger.