American Dad! (2005–…): Season 7, Episode 1 - Hot Water - full transcript
Stan is stressed by family life so he decides to buy a hot tub for the backyard, but he becomes obsessed and when the hot tub starts singing and encourages some bad behavior they are all in trouble.
Well, hello there.
My name... it's not important,
but what is, is the next half hour.
You're going to see a cautionary tale
that may greatly influence
your next hot tub purchase.
Here we go.
Wait, Stan.
Maybe we could do a little,
you know, morning grind.
Wish I had time, but you know
how busy my days are.
Oh, you're being ridiculous.
It takes, like, two minutes.
Let me break down my day
for you-- I'm up at 7:00.
From 7:00 to 7:08, I brush,
shave, shower...
From 7:08 to 7:09,
I frantically eat Grape-Nuts.
Then I have until 7:45
to take out the trash,
mow the lawn,
and feed Klaus his omelet.
7:45 to 9:00,
drive Steve to school
and pick up Roger's dry cleaning.
9:00 to 9:10,
park, coffee, desk.
9:11 to 9:12,
think about 9/11.
I get it, Stan,
you're busy.
Great, the time we've spent
talking about this
has put me off schedule.
Now I'll have to shave in the car.
Steve, out!
Aw, damn it!
Asian!
This is not my fault,
Stan, I was texting.
Dad, I'm going to be late.
Look, I-I-I don't have time for this.
I have to get this kid to
soccer practice and then-- aah!
Back problems, huh?
Come on, I'm gonna get you fixed up.
Well, I guess it's up to me
to get to soccer practice.
What are we doing here?
You need to loosen up that back,
and nothing can get you
looser than a hot 'cuzzi.
Look at me, I'm all loosey-goosey.
It's all thanks to my hot tub.
Margaritte, set this man up
with some jets.
Hi, I'm Margaritte.
Look, I'm sorry, I'm not
really a hot tub guy.
I have a family.
Okay, first of all,
you need to let go
of any preconceived notions
you have about tubs.
We have a wide selection of tubs
and can find the tub
that is right for you.
Look at this tub.
This is a family tub, DVD player...
put The Princess and the Frog
on there.
It's a good movie, man.
A lot of people ain't see it
because they weren't ready
to accept a black princess,
and that's what
I'm talking about, man,
being open-minded.
Just be free and see
what's around you.
Find your tub.
♪ Well... ♪
That is not for you.
That is a used tub from the '70s,
a single man's tub designed
for a party lifestyle.
It's like it called to me.
Come on, Stan,
that is a used hot tub.
That's gross, man.
This is an anything-goes tub.
Please, man, you got a family.
This tub ain't for you.
I'll take it.
Oh, Stan, I can't believe
we have a hot tub!
Let's have a dip
before I pick up the kids.
I'm gonna take a quick deuce
and then put on your favorite bikini.
This was a stupid impulse buy.
When am I even gonna have
time for this?
Dip a toe.
Wha-- who said that?
Ain't nobody got to know.
Just dip a toe.
Wait, you can talk?
I can do a whole lot
more than talk, baby.
♪ Yeah, don't worry so much ♪
♪ Just give the water a touch ♪
♪ Nobody has to know ♪
♪ And if the time is right,
just let your mind ignite ♪
♪ Nobody has to know
that you dipped a toe ♪
♪ Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dipped a toe ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Oh, God.
♪ Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dipped a toe ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Oh, yes.
♪ No reason to hide ♪
♪ Get all the way inside ♪
Oh, God.
♪ I'm gonna take you for a ride. ♪
Oh, fun...
Wazzup?
Stan, do we have time for this?
Shh.
All that matters right now
is that we take our time
and do this right.
That old hot tub loosened Stan
right on up.
Now he's got lady foot in his mouth.
That's cool.
That... was...
the... best...
sex... I...
ever... had...
with you.
That hot tub-- whoo!
Oh, you have to try it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
♪ ♪
Hit the jets and watch us blast off.
♪ There's something goin' on
beneath the water ♪
♪ People gettin' hot ♪
♪ Makin' sons
and daughters ♪
♪ It's just you
and me and L-U-V ♪
♪ In the T-U-B ♪
♪ Hot tub of love ♪
♪ Bubbles in the tub,
bubbles in the glass ♪
♪ Fig in your mouth
and my finger in your ♪
♪ Bass! ♪
♪ We're making love tonight ♪
♪ Making intercontinental
love tonight... ♪
Are we above Egypt?
That's Mount Rushmore.
♪ Givin' you a hickey
over the Mighty Mississippi ♪
♪ Suckin' on your toe
over downtown Tokyo ♪
♪ We're doin' this dance
over Paris, France ♪
♪ Chuck Berry me over Germany ♪
♪ We're going all the way ♪
♪ 'Cause it's not a race ♪
♪ We can take it slow ♪
♪ Into outer space ♪
♪ It's just you and me ♪
Three...
♪ Hot tub ♪
...two, one.
♪ Of love... ♪
We have lift off.
♪ Oh, yeah,
'cause we can take our time ♪
♪ Don't have to wait in line ♪
♪ This hot tub's in the V.I.P. ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ Give me the address
to the ocean ♪
♪ I'm 'bout to write it
a letter ♪
♪ You may be the ocean ♪
♪ But I'm hotter and wetter ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey. ♪
Dad, hey!
Hello, you didn't pick me up!
I sat outside school like
an idiot for over four hours!
Then I walked home
like a, like an animal!
Do you even care?
I mean, did you even pick
Roger up from soccer practice?
Stan, the hot tub is great,
but you need to take Steve to school.
But I'm only halfway through my soak.
Gee, Dad, I'd love to
get in the hot tub, too,
but I can't because I'm pretty sure
my parents (bleep) in it last night.
Well, damn, man, you all tight again.
Yeah, I don't want to go to work.
Hey, we should have a party.
No can do.
Okay, okay, okay, I hear you.
But what if we did?
Ow, baby, yeah!
Man, I got to tell you, I
was wrong about this tub.
It is so deluxe.
It seems more advanced
than a modern-day tub,
which is strange.
Great party, Stan.
I brought you some of this Spa Down.
Now, you'll need it
after a party like this.
All the... body oils...
you know what I mean...
it affects the chemistry
of the water,
so when the tub gets out of control,
just use some of this Spa Down
to calm it down.
What the hell?!
Get out, all of you!
Who were those women, Papa?
Steve, go inside.
Stan, ever since you
got this hot tub,
you've been acting different.
You are taking a break from this tub.
Fine.
Come on, babe, you still mad?
Yes.
Stan, we can't just
do whatever we want.
We're parents.
You don't think that every
single day of my life
I want to do coke?
But I can't because
I have PTA tomorrow.
And you need to clean the garage,
Do the bills, do the gutters.
The car needs an oil change,
You have to look at that
busted sprinkler head,
you need to help Steve
with his homework,
move that wood pile out back.
Stan!
Are you listening to me?
Yeah, yeah, of course,
I'll, I'll do all of that
in the morning.
Okay, good.
Good night.
Oh, Stan.
Ah...
I think I figured out the
root to all your problems.
It's that family of yours...
they are stressing you out.
Totes, but it's my family.
W-What am I supposed to do?
♪ Do whatever you like,
do whatever you like... ♪
Shh, keep your voice down a bit.
♪ Do whatever you like,
do whatever you like ♪
♪ If the bubbles feel good ♪
♪ Hop on in
and let me take you away... ♪
I can only soak a minute.
I can't stay longer than that.
♪ Well, this is your life ♪
♪ Stick a finger in my jet,
it's not gay ♪
♪ Upstairs is Franc-agne,
downstairs is champagne ♪
These bubbles go
straight to my head.
♪ Do whatever you like ♪
♪ Do whatever you like ♪
I don't know, I have a family,
but I do like to do whatever I like.
What time is it?
Damn.
Why is it so hot in here?
♪ I must be dreamin' ♪
♪ This room seems
to be steamin' ♪
Wait, wait, hold up, hold up.
♪ Is that a bubbly sound
I'm hearin'? ♪
♪ There's water everywhere and ♪
♪ I'm freakin',
straight tweakin' ♪
♪ Where is my man? ♪
♪ He best not be creepin'. ♪
Stan! It's not what it looks like!
Get out of that tub right now!
♪ Don't listen to her, listen to me ♪
♪ You got to hit the tub
if you wanna be free ♪
♪ I'm your wife,
listen what I say ♪
♪ Out of that tub or no bootay ♪
♪ What should I do?
I don't know ♪
♪ I can't get out
'cause it is too cold ♪
♪ Frustration versus
relaxation, uh-huh ♪
♪ I feel so conflicted,
but this is up to me ♪
♪ On one hand,
there's the hot tub ♪
♪ The other's family ♪
♪ So what's it gonna be?! ♪
Choose, Stan.
Your family or this hot tub?
Man, I'm so relaxed.
Yeah, now this feels right,
just a bachelor and his tub!
Hey, yo, man, let me get
another one of them figs.
That was the last one.
I should probably go to the store.
I'll just take another day off work.
I don't do jack there anyway.
Thanks for letting
us stay here, Mah Mah.
Oh, baby, is it another woman?
No. It's a hot tub.
When are we going home, big bro?
♪ Been three hours since
I saw you walk away from me ♪
♪ Me ♪
♪ I didn't know the way ♪
♪ And I didn't have
the words to speak ♪
♪ Speak, speak ♪
♪ All I knew was Daddy's gone ♪
♪ Gone ♪
♪ And we're not going home
ever again ♪
♪ We're never gonna find
another father like you ♪
♪ No, we won't, no, we won't,
no, we won't ♪
♪ Oh, Daddy ♪
♪ We're crying ♪
♪ This is because of you! ♪
♪ I see you
in my dreams at night ♪
♪ Whatever did I do? ♪
♪ And every day
I'm wanting more ♪
♪ Something just ain't right ♪
♪ With all my might ♪
♪ It wasn't 'cause of me ♪
♪ I'm trying to call out ♪
♪ I think it's 'cause ♪
♪ Of you ♪
♪ To you ♪
♪ You, you, you, you... ♪
Daddy!
♪ Daddy's gone ♪
♪ And we're not going home ♪
♪ Ever again. ♪
Hey, sorry, man.
We closed.
I'm only here after hours
because I'm doing some research,
trying to track down the maker
of this used hot tub I sold.
Because so many things about it
are seeming strange.
♪ Doing research ♪
I'm doing research.
♪ So much freaking research ♪
So much freaking research.
♪ Looking through old books
and old documents ♪
So much material out there.
♪ Relevant ♪
That's relevant.
♪ Irrelevant ♪
Totally irrelevant.
♪ Super irrelevant ♪
Whoa, whoa, what was that?
♪ Back to being relevant. ♪
Hey, it's Lewis!
I can never find the damn phone!
Lewis, it's the hot tub!
I did some research, man.
It used to have
a stripper pole in it!
They banned it because some tubs,
when they get struck
by lightning, they come alive!
b is alive,
and it escaped
from a mental institution
and did some rapes.
What are you saying, Margaritte?
I'm saying the hot tub is a murderer!
Stan? Stan?!
Hey, Stan, present yourself!
I'm scared for you!
I have a hot tub.
The hot tub-- it's not out bac!
It's in the house.
Lewis, we need to drain it.
Hey, boys, y'all come to party?
It is alive!
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Oh, hell, no!
I survived too much craziness
to go out like this!
Oh, my calves are getting tired!
My calves!
Okay, I'm not gonna die.
I'm not gonna die! Aahh!
♪ ♪
Fun party, right?
I think me and Susan are gonna slip
into something a little more...
diaphragmy.
Mm-hmm.
I'm not so sure
I can go through with this.
I like to party,
but I'm still a married man.
Man, forget Francine.
You got two insecure,
emotionally damaged girls here
who are half your age.
This is the dream!
Hello.
No! She no talk to you.
What do you want?
I was a fool.
I miss you.
Come home, Francine.
Oh, Stan!
What you doing here?
What?
You call her.
I didn't call...
Hot tub!
Francine!
Stan?
♪ Ooh, woo, woo, woo. ♪
Stan, are you in here?
Where's Stan?
Well, well,
if it isn't Francine.
Why don't you get in the tub?
Who said that?
Me, baby.
Come on, get in the tub.
What are you?
♪ I said you know
you wanna get in the tub ♪
Absolutely not.
♪ Yeah... ♪
Come on, I got a rotating jet
with your ass's name on it.
I'm not gonna do it,
so just leave me alone, okay?
What's wrong, Francine?
What have you done with my husband?
You'd better get in this tub,
Francine.
No, I will not!
Get over here!
Give me back my wife!
I thought getting your family
out of here was enough,
but they're still on your mind.
So I got to get them off this Earth!
Oh, damn!
Stan!
No! Why are you doing this?!
That family was gonna take you
away from me just like before!
What are you talking about?!
- Well, I was custom-made for Joe Nakash...
- What?!
Joe was the founder
of Jordache jeans.
He was a serious bachelor, man.
We threw wild parties,
had incredible times...
until Joe met a girl.
They had a family and started
using me less and less.
Eventually, not at all.
And that's what happens to hot tubs
when you have families.
They don't get used as much.
So, I killed Joe's family.
Are you crazy?
Of course people choose families
over hot tubs!
You know what?
You can be with your wife again.
Because you'll both be dead!
♪ Once again back,
it's the hot tub ♪
♪ With a thirst for blood
and I don't need you, Stan ♪
♪ Don't wanna be my wingman?
Fine, I'll just carry out ♪
♪ My evil plan,
I got a house and a phone ♪
♪ I'ma call some freaks
that I don't know too well ♪
♪ Don't wanna partake with me,
you and your wife ♪
♪ Can both go to hell,
I'm a psychotic ♪
♪ Psychotic! ♪
♪ Hot tub ♪
♪ Hot tub ♪
♪ I got it ♪
♪ I got it ♪
♪ Locked up ♪
♪ Locked up ♪
♪ Yo mind, body ♪
♪ Mind, body ♪
♪ And yo soul ♪
♪ I'm in control,
don't get crazy ♪
♪ I'm lettin'
them bubbles pop, what?! ♪
Bye, Stan!
When the tub gets out of control,
just use some of this Spa Down
to calm it down.
Well, there you have it.
That's our story.
Stan's dead. Good night!
My name... it's not important,
but what is, is the next half hour.
You're going to see a cautionary tale
that may greatly influence
your next hot tub purchase.
Here we go.
Wait, Stan.
Maybe we could do a little,
you know, morning grind.
Wish I had time, but you know
how busy my days are.
Oh, you're being ridiculous.
It takes, like, two minutes.
Let me break down my day
for you-- I'm up at 7:00.
From 7:00 to 7:08, I brush,
shave, shower...
From 7:08 to 7:09,
I frantically eat Grape-Nuts.
Then I have until 7:45
to take out the trash,
mow the lawn,
and feed Klaus his omelet.
7:45 to 9:00,
drive Steve to school
and pick up Roger's dry cleaning.
9:00 to 9:10,
park, coffee, desk.
9:11 to 9:12,
think about 9/11.
I get it, Stan,
you're busy.
Great, the time we've spent
talking about this
has put me off schedule.
Now I'll have to shave in the car.
Steve, out!
Aw, damn it!
Asian!
This is not my fault,
Stan, I was texting.
Dad, I'm going to be late.
Look, I-I-I don't have time for this.
I have to get this kid to
soccer practice and then-- aah!
Back problems, huh?
Come on, I'm gonna get you fixed up.
Well, I guess it's up to me
to get to soccer practice.
What are we doing here?
You need to loosen up that back,
and nothing can get you
looser than a hot 'cuzzi.
Look at me, I'm all loosey-goosey.
It's all thanks to my hot tub.
Margaritte, set this man up
with some jets.
Hi, I'm Margaritte.
Look, I'm sorry, I'm not
really a hot tub guy.
I have a family.
Okay, first of all,
you need to let go
of any preconceived notions
you have about tubs.
We have a wide selection of tubs
and can find the tub
that is right for you.
Look at this tub.
This is a family tub, DVD player...
put The Princess and the Frog
on there.
It's a good movie, man.
A lot of people ain't see it
because they weren't ready
to accept a black princess,
and that's what
I'm talking about, man,
being open-minded.
Just be free and see
what's around you.
Find your tub.
♪ Well... ♪
That is not for you.
That is a used tub from the '70s,
a single man's tub designed
for a party lifestyle.
It's like it called to me.
Come on, Stan,
that is a used hot tub.
That's gross, man.
This is an anything-goes tub.
Please, man, you got a family.
This tub ain't for you.
I'll take it.
Oh, Stan, I can't believe
we have a hot tub!
Let's have a dip
before I pick up the kids.
I'm gonna take a quick deuce
and then put on your favorite bikini.
This was a stupid impulse buy.
When am I even gonna have
time for this?
Dip a toe.
Wha-- who said that?
Ain't nobody got to know.
Just dip a toe.
Wait, you can talk?
I can do a whole lot
more than talk, baby.
♪ Yeah, don't worry so much ♪
♪ Just give the water a touch ♪
♪ Nobody has to know ♪
♪ And if the time is right,
just let your mind ignite ♪
♪ Nobody has to know
that you dipped a toe ♪
♪ Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dipped a toe ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Oh, God.
♪ Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dipped a toe ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Oh, yes.
♪ No reason to hide ♪
♪ Get all the way inside ♪
Oh, God.
♪ I'm gonna take you for a ride. ♪
Oh, fun...
Wazzup?
Stan, do we have time for this?
Shh.
All that matters right now
is that we take our time
and do this right.
That old hot tub loosened Stan
right on up.
Now he's got lady foot in his mouth.
That's cool.
That... was...
the... best...
sex... I...
ever... had...
with you.
That hot tub-- whoo!
Oh, you have to try it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
♪ ♪
Hit the jets and watch us blast off.
♪ There's something goin' on
beneath the water ♪
♪ People gettin' hot ♪
♪ Makin' sons
and daughters ♪
♪ It's just you
and me and L-U-V ♪
♪ In the T-U-B ♪
♪ Hot tub of love ♪
♪ Bubbles in the tub,
bubbles in the glass ♪
♪ Fig in your mouth
and my finger in your ♪
♪ Bass! ♪
♪ We're making love tonight ♪
♪ Making intercontinental
love tonight... ♪
Are we above Egypt?
That's Mount Rushmore.
♪ Givin' you a hickey
over the Mighty Mississippi ♪
♪ Suckin' on your toe
over downtown Tokyo ♪
♪ We're doin' this dance
over Paris, France ♪
♪ Chuck Berry me over Germany ♪
♪ We're going all the way ♪
♪ 'Cause it's not a race ♪
♪ We can take it slow ♪
♪ Into outer space ♪
♪ It's just you and me ♪
Three...
♪ Hot tub ♪
...two, one.
♪ Of love... ♪
We have lift off.
♪ Oh, yeah,
'cause we can take our time ♪
♪ Don't have to wait in line ♪
♪ This hot tub's in the V.I.P. ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ Give me the address
to the ocean ♪
♪ I'm 'bout to write it
a letter ♪
♪ You may be the ocean ♪
♪ But I'm hotter and wetter ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey. ♪
Dad, hey!
Hello, you didn't pick me up!
I sat outside school like
an idiot for over four hours!
Then I walked home
like a, like an animal!
Do you even care?
I mean, did you even pick
Roger up from soccer practice?
Stan, the hot tub is great,
but you need to take Steve to school.
But I'm only halfway through my soak.
Gee, Dad, I'd love to
get in the hot tub, too,
but I can't because I'm pretty sure
my parents (bleep) in it last night.
Well, damn, man, you all tight again.
Yeah, I don't want to go to work.
Hey, we should have a party.
No can do.
Okay, okay, okay, I hear you.
But what if we did?
Ow, baby, yeah!
Man, I got to tell you, I
was wrong about this tub.
It is so deluxe.
It seems more advanced
than a modern-day tub,
which is strange.
Great party, Stan.
I brought you some of this Spa Down.
Now, you'll need it
after a party like this.
All the... body oils...
you know what I mean...
it affects the chemistry
of the water,
so when the tub gets out of control,
just use some of this Spa Down
to calm it down.
What the hell?!
Get out, all of you!
Who were those women, Papa?
Steve, go inside.
Stan, ever since you
got this hot tub,
you've been acting different.
You are taking a break from this tub.
Fine.
Come on, babe, you still mad?
Yes.
Stan, we can't just
do whatever we want.
We're parents.
You don't think that every
single day of my life
I want to do coke?
But I can't because
I have PTA tomorrow.
And you need to clean the garage,
Do the bills, do the gutters.
The car needs an oil change,
You have to look at that
busted sprinkler head,
you need to help Steve
with his homework,
move that wood pile out back.
Stan!
Are you listening to me?
Yeah, yeah, of course,
I'll, I'll do all of that
in the morning.
Okay, good.
Good night.
Oh, Stan.
Ah...
I think I figured out the
root to all your problems.
It's that family of yours...
they are stressing you out.
Totes, but it's my family.
W-What am I supposed to do?
♪ Do whatever you like,
do whatever you like... ♪
Shh, keep your voice down a bit.
♪ Do whatever you like,
do whatever you like ♪
♪ If the bubbles feel good ♪
♪ Hop on in
and let me take you away... ♪
I can only soak a minute.
I can't stay longer than that.
♪ Well, this is your life ♪
♪ Stick a finger in my jet,
it's not gay ♪
♪ Upstairs is Franc-agne,
downstairs is champagne ♪
These bubbles go
straight to my head.
♪ Do whatever you like ♪
♪ Do whatever you like ♪
I don't know, I have a family,
but I do like to do whatever I like.
What time is it?
Damn.
Why is it so hot in here?
♪ I must be dreamin' ♪
♪ This room seems
to be steamin' ♪
Wait, wait, hold up, hold up.
♪ Is that a bubbly sound
I'm hearin'? ♪
♪ There's water everywhere and ♪
♪ I'm freakin',
straight tweakin' ♪
♪ Where is my man? ♪
♪ He best not be creepin'. ♪
Stan! It's not what it looks like!
Get out of that tub right now!
♪ Don't listen to her, listen to me ♪
♪ You got to hit the tub
if you wanna be free ♪
♪ I'm your wife,
listen what I say ♪
♪ Out of that tub or no bootay ♪
♪ What should I do?
I don't know ♪
♪ I can't get out
'cause it is too cold ♪
♪ Frustration versus
relaxation, uh-huh ♪
♪ I feel so conflicted,
but this is up to me ♪
♪ On one hand,
there's the hot tub ♪
♪ The other's family ♪
♪ So what's it gonna be?! ♪
Choose, Stan.
Your family or this hot tub?
Man, I'm so relaxed.
Yeah, now this feels right,
just a bachelor and his tub!
Hey, yo, man, let me get
another one of them figs.
That was the last one.
I should probably go to the store.
I'll just take another day off work.
I don't do jack there anyway.
Thanks for letting
us stay here, Mah Mah.
Oh, baby, is it another woman?
No. It's a hot tub.
When are we going home, big bro?
♪ Been three hours since
I saw you walk away from me ♪
♪ Me ♪
♪ I didn't know the way ♪
♪ And I didn't have
the words to speak ♪
♪ Speak, speak ♪
♪ All I knew was Daddy's gone ♪
♪ Gone ♪
♪ And we're not going home
ever again ♪
♪ We're never gonna find
another father like you ♪
♪ No, we won't, no, we won't,
no, we won't ♪
♪ Oh, Daddy ♪
♪ We're crying ♪
♪ This is because of you! ♪
♪ I see you
in my dreams at night ♪
♪ Whatever did I do? ♪
♪ And every day
I'm wanting more ♪
♪ Something just ain't right ♪
♪ With all my might ♪
♪ It wasn't 'cause of me ♪
♪ I'm trying to call out ♪
♪ I think it's 'cause ♪
♪ Of you ♪
♪ To you ♪
♪ You, you, you, you... ♪
Daddy!
♪ Daddy's gone ♪
♪ And we're not going home ♪
♪ Ever again. ♪
Hey, sorry, man.
We closed.
I'm only here after hours
because I'm doing some research,
trying to track down the maker
of this used hot tub I sold.
Because so many things about it
are seeming strange.
♪ Doing research ♪
I'm doing research.
♪ So much freaking research ♪
So much freaking research.
♪ Looking through old books
and old documents ♪
So much material out there.
♪ Relevant ♪
That's relevant.
♪ Irrelevant ♪
Totally irrelevant.
♪ Super irrelevant ♪
Whoa, whoa, what was that?
♪ Back to being relevant. ♪
Hey, it's Lewis!
I can never find the damn phone!
Lewis, it's the hot tub!
I did some research, man.
It used to have
a stripper pole in it!
They banned it because some tubs,
when they get struck
by lightning, they come alive!
b is alive,
and it escaped
from a mental institution
and did some rapes.
What are you saying, Margaritte?
I'm saying the hot tub is a murderer!
Stan? Stan?!
Hey, Stan, present yourself!
I'm scared for you!
I have a hot tub.
The hot tub-- it's not out bac!
It's in the house.
Lewis, we need to drain it.
Hey, boys, y'all come to party?
It is alive!
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Oh, hell, no!
I survived too much craziness
to go out like this!
Oh, my calves are getting tired!
My calves!
Okay, I'm not gonna die.
I'm not gonna die! Aahh!
♪ ♪
Fun party, right?
I think me and Susan are gonna slip
into something a little more...
diaphragmy.
Mm-hmm.
I'm not so sure
I can go through with this.
I like to party,
but I'm still a married man.
Man, forget Francine.
You got two insecure,
emotionally damaged girls here
who are half your age.
This is the dream!
Hello.
No! She no talk to you.
What do you want?
I was a fool.
I miss you.
Come home, Francine.
Oh, Stan!
What you doing here?
What?
You call her.
I didn't call...
Hot tub!
Francine!
Stan?
♪ Ooh, woo, woo, woo. ♪
Stan, are you in here?
Where's Stan?
Well, well,
if it isn't Francine.
Why don't you get in the tub?
Who said that?
Me, baby.
Come on, get in the tub.
What are you?
♪ I said you know
you wanna get in the tub ♪
Absolutely not.
♪ Yeah... ♪
Come on, I got a rotating jet
with your ass's name on it.
I'm not gonna do it,
so just leave me alone, okay?
What's wrong, Francine?
What have you done with my husband?
You'd better get in this tub,
Francine.
No, I will not!
Get over here!
Give me back my wife!
I thought getting your family
out of here was enough,
but they're still on your mind.
So I got to get them off this Earth!
Oh, damn!
Stan!
No! Why are you doing this?!
That family was gonna take you
away from me just like before!
What are you talking about?!
- Well, I was custom-made for Joe Nakash...
- What?!
Joe was the founder
of Jordache jeans.
He was a serious bachelor, man.
We threw wild parties,
had incredible times...
until Joe met a girl.
They had a family and started
using me less and less.
Eventually, not at all.
And that's what happens to hot tubs
when you have families.
They don't get used as much.
So, I killed Joe's family.
Are you crazy?
Of course people choose families
over hot tubs!
You know what?
You can be with your wife again.
Because you'll both be dead!
♪ Once again back,
it's the hot tub ♪
♪ With a thirst for blood
and I don't need you, Stan ♪
♪ Don't wanna be my wingman?
Fine, I'll just carry out ♪
♪ My evil plan,
I got a house and a phone ♪
♪ I'ma call some freaks
that I don't know too well ♪
♪ Don't wanna partake with me,
you and your wife ♪
♪ Can both go to hell,
I'm a psychotic ♪
♪ Psychotic! ♪
♪ Hot tub ♪
♪ Hot tub ♪
♪ I got it ♪
♪ I got it ♪
♪ Locked up ♪
♪ Locked up ♪
♪ Yo mind, body ♪
♪ Mind, body ♪
♪ And yo soul ♪
♪ I'm in control,
don't get crazy ♪
♪ I'm lettin'
them bubbles pop, what?! ♪
Bye, Stan!
When the tub gets out of control,
just use some of this Spa Down
to calm it down.
Well, there you have it.
That's our story.
Stan's dead. Good night!