American Dad! (2005–…): Season 6, Episode 19 - Gorillas in the Mist - full transcript
Stan spends some quality father-son time with Steve at the local zoo, but things go horribly wrong when Steve slips into a gorilla exhibit. Meanwhile, Roger bets Hayley that he can become a great Country singer and sets out to wri...
♪ Good morning, USA. ♪
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smilon his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ood... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah.
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
♪ American Dad 6x19 ♪
Gorillas in the Mist
Original Air Date on May 22, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Ah. Who's that funny for?
I'll tell you who
it's not funny for.
The busboy.
Is kind of funny.
Announcement.
Since y'all are like my closest
friends in the world,
I wanted to invite you to my
houseboat this Saturday.
That's sweet of you.
I'm flattered.
You're so generous
and your feet are adorable.
The best part is, spring break
starts this weekend
so the lake is gonna be crazy.
I thought we could make
"Sluts Gone Nuts" T-shirts
to get girls to show us
their tay-tay's.
Check it out.
Supplies, bi-atch.
Oh, hey.
Oh, yeah.
Aw, damn it.
It's the "dad phone."
Oh, that reminds me, I have
to check my "sad phone."
You have zero messages.
I don't believe this.
Francine caught my son trying
to ditch his PSAT prep class
so he could go to the zoo.
Sorry, guys.
I've got to go handle this.
Dick, will you
decorate my T-shirt?
You know what colors I like.
You got it.
He likes yellow,
brown and green.
He used to like red, but lately
he said he's over it.
Mmm. That's a shame.
Red's great.
I think red stuff
looks amazing.
Steven Anita Smith.
I told him to sit in his room
until you got home.
I figured you'd want
to do the punishing.
And I figured you would have
vacuumed the plant gravel
out of the trunk
of my car byow.
So, Big Shot tried
to go to the zoo
instead of his PSAT
prep course.
I know it was wrong,
but my friend Wilson said
he could get me into the
new gorilla habitat.
I am suspending all your TV
and video game privileges.
And from here on out, I will
personally be taking you
to and from every PSAT course.
You're being so uncool.
Hey, I'm not here
to be your friend, Steve.
I'm your dad.
That's why your number's
in the "dad phone"
and not my "friend phone."
"Friend phone"
conversations go like this:
"What up, Jackson?
Of course I want to hang out
and ride ten-speeds
or whatever."
"Dad phone" conversations
go like this:
"Aw, damn it.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
"I'll come home
and handle it.
"I don't know,
in five minutes.
"We gotta get the bill and
figure out how much I owe.
"I can't stiff these guys just
because my son's acting up.
"Honey, that's not fair.
"I told you I was going out
for a drink this morning.
"Yes, I did, in the kitchen.
Maybe you weren't listening.
"Look, I gotta go.
You want me home, right?
I can't come home
if I'm on the phone."
Happy? Now I'm in trouble.
I-I don't understand it.
They play three chords
and whine about their lives
and the crowd goes nuts.
You gotta listen to the words.
Country music comes
from the heart.
It comes from the ass.
Right in the middle of the ass.
Watch, anybody can do it.
Ladiesnd gents
our next performer
is new on the country scene.
Give a warm welcome
to Mr. Cuss Mustard.
Thank ya kindly.
♪ I love drinkin' and race cars
and big ol' fat women ♪
♪ And Jesus is awesome,
he rose on Thanksgivin'... ♪
Oh! Oh!
You, I saw you.
Don't you talk about...
♪ I eat Funyuns and Tater Tots ♪
♪ I kill squirrels
with my gun... ♪
Okay, God, I'm finished.
What happened?
They hated m
You can't fake
country music, Roger.
It comes from a lifetime
of pain and hard living.
I want some of that.
Then by next Honky-Tonk night
I can have a song
that blows everyone away.
You can't just get a lifetime of...
Hat rack.
How's your life?
Unbearable.
Perfect.
Will you marry me?
Sure.
Screw it.
This is all your fault.
I'm supposed to be with my
friends on the houseboat.
You don't have to keep picking
me up from PSAT class.
No, I don't?
What do I have
to do, master?
What a dick.
Hello?
Stan, where are you?
We're ready to cast off.
I'm caught in traffic
taking Steve home.
Reginald's not gonna hold
the boat much longer.
He's doing the little dance
he doewhen he's impatient.
We gotta go!
Just bring Steve with you.
You have to hurry.
I'm on my way.
Close your eyes, Steve.
I don't want you to see
me drive like this.
Aah! Ooh! Ooh! Ah! Ah!
It's not funny.
Is kind of funny.
Yay!
Let's go, let's go.
I got Ziplocs for
everyone's wallets.
We already
saw a girl.
Just give me a second, fellas.
You're staying here.
I've got no time to act
like a parent today.
Leave that running.
I don't want you to hear
anything we say out there.
Our words are not for you.
Aw, man, what's up with
Frank and the schedule?
Aw, Frank.
Son of a... Frank.
I missed my kid's
birthday for this.
Frank!
This is it.
Kids, come meet
your new daddy.
It's perfect.
We're poor,
we've got too many kids,
it stinks to high heaven.
This'll inspire one hell
of a country song.
Just need a macchiato
to get me going.
Where's our espresso
maker, dear?
The what?
Nyoo, thank you.
Yeah, there he is. Yeah!
Steve, what the hell are you
doing outside the bathroom?
Jackson came in to doo doo
and let me out...
after he was done.
I'm better in front
of somebody.
Steve just told the most
hilarious filthy joke.
You have to hear it.
I'm not going to share
a dirty joke with my son.
It's inappropriate.
Stan, it's just a joke.
Lighten up.
Fine, one joke
then back in the bathroom.
Okay, here goes.
So a man with a tickle
in his throat...
...and the donkey looks him
straight in the eye
and without missing a beat
says, "Purple hat."
Okay.
What's wrong, Stan?
You didn't like it?
Actually I thought
it was very well-crafted.
The perfect combination
of dirty and smart.
It was really
quite elegant.
Well, why aren't
you laughing?
Because I don't share laughs
with my son.
There's nothing wrong
with laughing, Dad.
I said I don't need to laugh...
Purple hat, Dad.
Steve, Steve, stop it.
I'm not doing anything.
It was the donkey.
He said, "Purple hat."
Don't you mess with me.
It's okay. It's okay.
Purple hat.
Purple hat.
That's what was said.
By the donkey.
For God's sake,
get this boy a T-shirt.
Yeah!
Put that shirt on that boy.
Shirt thlittle man up.
Attaboy.
Steve, you don't know how...
how glad I am
to be done with all
the father-son crap.
It's buddy-buddy
from here on out.
That means... so much to me.
Look, look, I'm taking you
out of the "dad phone"
and I'm putting you in the
"friend phone."
It's official.
Oh my God. Thanks, Dad.
Hey.
What?
You-you can call me Stan.
They got me, y'all.
Watch my boat.
That was amazing.
You... you are
super fun, man.
You're fun.
I love being friends
with you, Stan.
Hey, let's make
some nachos.
Melt some queso.
Yes!
Hey-hey-hey,
knock, knock.
Oh, are you doing a knock,
knock, knock, knock joke?
Yeah, yeah, you just made me
think of it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queso.
Queso who?
'Kay so I farted.
Yes.
Hey, you want to wake up early
tomorrow and go for a run?
Oh, definitely.
You want to say
like 7:00?
7:15, to be safe.
There you are.
What time did you and your dad
get home last night?
He wouldn't even budge
this morning.
Uh, don't know.
It's kind of blurry.
Good Lord,
you smell like a brewery.
Did your father let you
drink beer last night?
Umm...
Ugh, you have been drinking.
Stan!
How could you let Steve
get drunk last night?
It was a mistake,
Francine.
I wasn't thinking
straight.
I was with my friends,
we had some drinks,
we were on a boat.
I was... I was
boat-notized.
Boat-notized?
Oh, like ship-notized?
Ship-notized?
That means nothing.
Look, look, I told
Steve to stay away
from the adult activity,
but he disobeyed me.
What?!
Stan, he needs
to be punished.
Oh, don't worry.
He will be.
Dad, I don't understand
why I'm in trouble.
Dude, dude, dude,
Francine's lame, all right?
It's cool, we're cool.
Wait, so you're not gonna
punish me like Mom said?
Come on.
We're boys now.
Bros before
hoes, my man.
Brothers before
whores all day long.
And Mom's the whore
in that situation?
All day long.
Hey, what happened to being
a country singer?
Oh, living the honky-tonk life
was too hard.
I'm doing calypso dancing now.
I don't blame you.
The woman you ran off
with was a mess.
Did she have a tattoo of Burt
Reynolds on her stomach?
No, she didn't.
It's Victor from
The Young and the Restless.
You're coming with me,
you son of a bitch.
We're married.
You gotta a family
to look after.
Oh, oh, sorry, no.
No, you've got me confused
with someone else.
I'm a Caribbean dancer.
The name's
Calypso Banana Puffy-Sleeves.
You call yourself
whatever the hell you want,
but you're my husband
and you're coming home with me.
Hey, Maurice, I'm gonna have
to cancel on you today.
Sorry to make you drive
all the way down here.
Hey, no problem,
Mr. Sleeves.
♪ ♪
Sometimes I think
music is the one thing
that can save the world.
Sometimes I think Francine
fakes her orgasms.
Well, through the wall, it
sounds like you're slaying it.
Thanks, man.
What's going on
in here?
Me and Steve are
just hanging.
Is that supposed to be
part of Steve's punishment?
Hey, Stan,
you think Mom's mad
or do you think
she's just faking it?
Nice one.
What does that mean?
Nothing, dear.
Inside joke.
You wouldn't get it.
Apparently
she never does.
Hi-yo!
Stop running!
I'm trying to get
the baby to sleep!
What are you looking at?
Don't look at me.
Y-You speak English?
You need a kick in the head?
Screw it.
Naydern, I'm, um,
I'm gonna go get
some cigarettes.
That's the same thing my ex
said, and he never came back.
Okay, relax. You're right.
Oh, my God, tornado!
My daddy never came back
'cause I shot him.
Shello.
Dude, what are you
up to right now?
Boring work.
You need to tell
Bullock you're sick
and come meet
me at the zoo.
You're at the zoo?
Shouldn't you be at school?
Wow, you sound like a
total dad right now.
No, no, I mean,
I'm just saying...
Look, today's the final day of
this amazing gorilla exhibit.
Don't be lame.
I'm not lame.
If you're not lame, then
meet my ass down here.
Fine, I'll meet your ass.
I'll meet your ass
right now.
That's what I'm
talking about.
Peace.
Wow, that was an awesome way
to get off the phone.
I said, kill them!
Kill them all!
Yes, yes, them, too.
Also them!
No, not him!
That's me.
Idiots.
What is it?!
Sir, I-I'm not
feeling so well.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God, Stan.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I hate that.
Come here.
I wish it were me.
I wish I could just
absorb your germs
and make my body
fight them.
I-I think I'll be okay
if-if I just go home.
Absolutely.
Whatever you need,
just get better.
It makes me so angry that
little viruses can just
traipse in here and treat
your body like a playground.
It-It's all right, sir.
I should be better
by tomorrow.
I just... I just feel
so helpless, you know?
It's really not that bad.
Have we displeased you,
Almighty God in heaven?!
Do our lives mean
nothing to you?!
All right, Stan the man's here!
Told you I'd be here,
didn't I?
Who's this guy?
That's Wilson.
He's a total dirtbag.
Dirt a-bag.
Wilson's gonna give us the keys
to go inside
the gorilla enclosure.
Isn't that amazing?
I thought we were just
gonna ok at gollas.
I'm not going in there.
And honestly, Steve, I don't
think you should, either.
That's weak
sauce, Stan.
Do not enter that sauce
in the county fair,
because it is weak.
I'm going
solo, Wilson.
Let's do this.
Wow!
It's even more amazing than I...
What's happening, Wils?!
Look at that
silly gorilla!
It's not funny, Wilson!
Is kind of funny.
I don't like this!
The zookeeper's here,
Steve.
Everything's gonna
be okay.
Whoa, I never said
everything's gonna be okay.
That's a gorilla.
I mean, how could you
let your son go in there?
I didn't let him go in.
Look, what happened was,
I was at work and he told me
to meet his ass down here,
so I met his ass down here.
What's he doing?
Can't you shoot it with
a tranquilizer or something?
Yeah, you know,
if we do,
he could seize up
and crush the boy.
We need to wait for
Bobo's personal handler.
Unfortunately, he's at
a matinee right now.
I hope he picks up.
Hello?
Is it an emergency?
Shh!
When was the last time
Bobo ate?
Shh!
That long?
Oh, this isn't good.
Excuse me, some of us are
trying to watch this porno!
You better not be sleeping in there.
Dog's scooching
on the floor again;
you need to squeeze out
his butt hole.
Just a minute, baby.
Hello, 911?
You let go of me.
I never touched
that son of a bitch!
Yes, you did, Naydern.
She said she was gonna
scissors off my hog.
We want to go with our mama!
Sorry. You kids are
gonna be split up
and placed in
foster care.
Wait, you can't
keep them all together?
No way. We'll be lucky to find
them any homes at all.
I want mama!
Rocky!
♪ ♪
Looks like you've been
through some hard times.
Actually, I was fine
until I saw that face of yours.
It's painful
just to look at you.
Oh, my God.
I think I understand
country music!
♪ I saw the ugliest woman
I ever did saw ♪
♪ Face like a turnip
and an under-bit jaw ♪
Yeah, man,
tell it how it is!
♪ Inbred from inbreds,
then inbred again ♪
♪ If ugly was pretty,
then she'd be a ten ♪
That sounds
just like my wife!
♪ She was so damn ugly ♪
♪ So I got drunk and her
in my trunk. ♪
Good night!
Hold tight, Steve,
the handler's on his way.
You've been saying
that for 20 minutes!
Steve, I'm coming
in to get you!
That's enough, Bobo.
No, Bobo!
Chill out, Bobo!
Hello?
Hi, Stan, just checking to see
when I can expect you home.
Oh, normal time.
Everything's normal.
W-Why would you ask?
Oh, because you and Steve
are all over the news right now!
According to sources, Langley
Falls resident Stan Smith,
quote, "Got his ass down here,"
end quote,
to meet his son on a school day.
You better hope
that gorilla kills you
before I get there, Stan.
Oh, God, what
do I do?!
It's a simple waltz, Steve.
One, two, three,
one, two, three.
Bobo, I need you
to let these people go.
Bobo's handler!
We're saved!
Not exactly.
He just said he wants the boy
to stay with him tonight.
I don't want to die
from gorilla sex!
Looks like there might
be a threesome, Steve!
That's, uh, Rex,
Bobo's father.
I'm his handler.
He said, "What do you think
you're doing, son?!
You woke me up!"
"I'm just playing, Dad."
"Look at all the
commotion you've caused.
"You think you'll
get into a good
"captive-breeding program
acting like this?
Get inside right now!"
"But this boy's father's
letting him play."
"You call that
man a father?
No respectable parent would
let their child in here."
Hey, for your
information, Rex,
my son and I
work better as friends.
"I'm sure you do.
"Friends don't have to worry
"about discipline
or setting an example.
"It's easy to be a frid;
"that's why kids
have lots of them.
"But a father-- our kids
only get one of those.
"Who are we to take that
away from them?
"Now, come
along, Bobo.
You're grounded
for three moons."
"I love you, too, Dad."
Oh, Daddy, if you're watching,
I forgive you.
Hey, Tank, ain't that your boy?
What? No, no.
That's not my kid.
That's my son.
He seems pretty cool.
How crazy was at?
Put your fist away right now.
Uh-oh.
You're making up
all the schoolwork
you missed today,
plus extra credit.
Yes, sir.
There you are.
How dare you...
Lie to you and lose
all control of my son?
I'll be able to think about that
long and hard while I'm cleaning
the gutters and buying you
a diamond bracelet, won't I?
Uh, yes, you will.
Damn right, I will.
I'm going straight to
the most expensive jewelry store
I can find to buy the most
expensive bracelet they got.
How much for that?
50 bucks.
Nope.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smilon his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ood... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah.
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
♪ American Dad 6x19 ♪
Gorillas in the Mist
Original Air Date on May 22, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Ah. Who's that funny for?
I'll tell you who
it's not funny for.
The busboy.
Is kind of funny.
Announcement.
Since y'all are like my closest
friends in the world,
I wanted to invite you to my
houseboat this Saturday.
That's sweet of you.
I'm flattered.
You're so generous
and your feet are adorable.
The best part is, spring break
starts this weekend
so the lake is gonna be crazy.
I thought we could make
"Sluts Gone Nuts" T-shirts
to get girls to show us
their tay-tay's.
Check it out.
Supplies, bi-atch.
Oh, hey.
Oh, yeah.
Aw, damn it.
It's the "dad phone."
Oh, that reminds me, I have
to check my "sad phone."
You have zero messages.
I don't believe this.
Francine caught my son trying
to ditch his PSAT prep class
so he could go to the zoo.
Sorry, guys.
I've got to go handle this.
Dick, will you
decorate my T-shirt?
You know what colors I like.
You got it.
He likes yellow,
brown and green.
He used to like red, but lately
he said he's over it.
Mmm. That's a shame.
Red's great.
I think red stuff
looks amazing.
Steven Anita Smith.
I told him to sit in his room
until you got home.
I figured you'd want
to do the punishing.
And I figured you would have
vacuumed the plant gravel
out of the trunk
of my car byow.
So, Big Shot tried
to go to the zoo
instead of his PSAT
prep course.
I know it was wrong,
but my friend Wilson said
he could get me into the
new gorilla habitat.
I am suspending all your TV
and video game privileges.
And from here on out, I will
personally be taking you
to and from every PSAT course.
You're being so uncool.
Hey, I'm not here
to be your friend, Steve.
I'm your dad.
That's why your number's
in the "dad phone"
and not my "friend phone."
"Friend phone"
conversations go like this:
"What up, Jackson?
Of course I want to hang out
and ride ten-speeds
or whatever."
"Dad phone" conversations
go like this:
"Aw, damn it.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
"I'll come home
and handle it.
"I don't know,
in five minutes.
"We gotta get the bill and
figure out how much I owe.
"I can't stiff these guys just
because my son's acting up.
"Honey, that's not fair.
"I told you I was going out
for a drink this morning.
"Yes, I did, in the kitchen.
Maybe you weren't listening.
"Look, I gotta go.
You want me home, right?
I can't come home
if I'm on the phone."
Happy? Now I'm in trouble.
I-I don't understand it.
They play three chords
and whine about their lives
and the crowd goes nuts.
You gotta listen to the words.
Country music comes
from the heart.
It comes from the ass.
Right in the middle of the ass.
Watch, anybody can do it.
Ladiesnd gents
our next performer
is new on the country scene.
Give a warm welcome
to Mr. Cuss Mustard.
Thank ya kindly.
♪ I love drinkin' and race cars
and big ol' fat women ♪
♪ And Jesus is awesome,
he rose on Thanksgivin'... ♪
Oh! Oh!
You, I saw you.
Don't you talk about...
♪ I eat Funyuns and Tater Tots ♪
♪ I kill squirrels
with my gun... ♪
Okay, God, I'm finished.
What happened?
They hated m
You can't fake
country music, Roger.
It comes from a lifetime
of pain and hard living.
I want some of that.
Then by next Honky-Tonk night
I can have a song
that blows everyone away.
You can't just get a lifetime of...
Hat rack.
How's your life?
Unbearable.
Perfect.
Will you marry me?
Sure.
Screw it.
This is all your fault.
I'm supposed to be with my
friends on the houseboat.
You don't have to keep picking
me up from PSAT class.
No, I don't?
What do I have
to do, master?
What a dick.
Hello?
Stan, where are you?
We're ready to cast off.
I'm caught in traffic
taking Steve home.
Reginald's not gonna hold
the boat much longer.
He's doing the little dance
he doewhen he's impatient.
We gotta go!
Just bring Steve with you.
You have to hurry.
I'm on my way.
Close your eyes, Steve.
I don't want you to see
me drive like this.
Aah! Ooh! Ooh! Ah! Ah!
It's not funny.
Is kind of funny.
Yay!
Let's go, let's go.
I got Ziplocs for
everyone's wallets.
We already
saw a girl.
Just give me a second, fellas.
You're staying here.
I've got no time to act
like a parent today.
Leave that running.
I don't want you to hear
anything we say out there.
Our words are not for you.
Aw, man, what's up with
Frank and the schedule?
Aw, Frank.
Son of a... Frank.
I missed my kid's
birthday for this.
Frank!
This is it.
Kids, come meet
your new daddy.
It's perfect.
We're poor,
we've got too many kids,
it stinks to high heaven.
This'll inspire one hell
of a country song.
Just need a macchiato
to get me going.
Where's our espresso
maker, dear?
The what?
Nyoo, thank you.
Yeah, there he is. Yeah!
Steve, what the hell are you
doing outside the bathroom?
Jackson came in to doo doo
and let me out...
after he was done.
I'm better in front
of somebody.
Steve just told the most
hilarious filthy joke.
You have to hear it.
I'm not going to share
a dirty joke with my son.
It's inappropriate.
Stan, it's just a joke.
Lighten up.
Fine, one joke
then back in the bathroom.
Okay, here goes.
So a man with a tickle
in his throat...
...and the donkey looks him
straight in the eye
and without missing a beat
says, "Purple hat."
Okay.
What's wrong, Stan?
You didn't like it?
Actually I thought
it was very well-crafted.
The perfect combination
of dirty and smart.
It was really
quite elegant.
Well, why aren't
you laughing?
Because I don't share laughs
with my son.
There's nothing wrong
with laughing, Dad.
I said I don't need to laugh...
Purple hat, Dad.
Steve, Steve, stop it.
I'm not doing anything.
It was the donkey.
He said, "Purple hat."
Don't you mess with me.
It's okay. It's okay.
Purple hat.
Purple hat.
That's what was said.
By the donkey.
For God's sake,
get this boy a T-shirt.
Yeah!
Put that shirt on that boy.
Shirt thlittle man up.
Attaboy.
Steve, you don't know how...
how glad I am
to be done with all
the father-son crap.
It's buddy-buddy
from here on out.
That means... so much to me.
Look, look, I'm taking you
out of the "dad phone"
and I'm putting you in the
"friend phone."
It's official.
Oh my God. Thanks, Dad.
Hey.
What?
You-you can call me Stan.
They got me, y'all.
Watch my boat.
That was amazing.
You... you are
super fun, man.
You're fun.
I love being friends
with you, Stan.
Hey, let's make
some nachos.
Melt some queso.
Yes!
Hey-hey-hey,
knock, knock.
Oh, are you doing a knock,
knock, knock, knock joke?
Yeah, yeah, you just made me
think of it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queso.
Queso who?
'Kay so I farted.
Yes.
Hey, you want to wake up early
tomorrow and go for a run?
Oh, definitely.
You want to say
like 7:00?
7:15, to be safe.
There you are.
What time did you and your dad
get home last night?
He wouldn't even budge
this morning.
Uh, don't know.
It's kind of blurry.
Good Lord,
you smell like a brewery.
Did your father let you
drink beer last night?
Umm...
Ugh, you have been drinking.
Stan!
How could you let Steve
get drunk last night?
It was a mistake,
Francine.
I wasn't thinking
straight.
I was with my friends,
we had some drinks,
we were on a boat.
I was... I was
boat-notized.
Boat-notized?
Oh, like ship-notized?
Ship-notized?
That means nothing.
Look, look, I told
Steve to stay away
from the adult activity,
but he disobeyed me.
What?!
Stan, he needs
to be punished.
Oh, don't worry.
He will be.
Dad, I don't understand
why I'm in trouble.
Dude, dude, dude,
Francine's lame, all right?
It's cool, we're cool.
Wait, so you're not gonna
punish me like Mom said?
Come on.
We're boys now.
Bros before
hoes, my man.
Brothers before
whores all day long.
And Mom's the whore
in that situation?
All day long.
Hey, what happened to being
a country singer?
Oh, living the honky-tonk life
was too hard.
I'm doing calypso dancing now.
I don't blame you.
The woman you ran off
with was a mess.
Did she have a tattoo of Burt
Reynolds on her stomach?
No, she didn't.
It's Victor from
The Young and the Restless.
You're coming with me,
you son of a bitch.
We're married.
You gotta a family
to look after.
Oh, oh, sorry, no.
No, you've got me confused
with someone else.
I'm a Caribbean dancer.
The name's
Calypso Banana Puffy-Sleeves.
You call yourself
whatever the hell you want,
but you're my husband
and you're coming home with me.
Hey, Maurice, I'm gonna have
to cancel on you today.
Sorry to make you drive
all the way down here.
Hey, no problem,
Mr. Sleeves.
♪ ♪
Sometimes I think
music is the one thing
that can save the world.
Sometimes I think Francine
fakes her orgasms.
Well, through the wall, it
sounds like you're slaying it.
Thanks, man.
What's going on
in here?
Me and Steve are
just hanging.
Is that supposed to be
part of Steve's punishment?
Hey, Stan,
you think Mom's mad
or do you think
she's just faking it?
Nice one.
What does that mean?
Nothing, dear.
Inside joke.
You wouldn't get it.
Apparently
she never does.
Hi-yo!
Stop running!
I'm trying to get
the baby to sleep!
What are you looking at?
Don't look at me.
Y-You speak English?
You need a kick in the head?
Screw it.
Naydern, I'm, um,
I'm gonna go get
some cigarettes.
That's the same thing my ex
said, and he never came back.
Okay, relax. You're right.
Oh, my God, tornado!
My daddy never came back
'cause I shot him.
Shello.
Dude, what are you
up to right now?
Boring work.
You need to tell
Bullock you're sick
and come meet
me at the zoo.
You're at the zoo?
Shouldn't you be at school?
Wow, you sound like a
total dad right now.
No, no, I mean,
I'm just saying...
Look, today's the final day of
this amazing gorilla exhibit.
Don't be lame.
I'm not lame.
If you're not lame, then
meet my ass down here.
Fine, I'll meet your ass.
I'll meet your ass
right now.
That's what I'm
talking about.
Peace.
Wow, that was an awesome way
to get off the phone.
I said, kill them!
Kill them all!
Yes, yes, them, too.
Also them!
No, not him!
That's me.
Idiots.
What is it?!
Sir, I-I'm not
feeling so well.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God, Stan.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I hate that.
Come here.
I wish it were me.
I wish I could just
absorb your germs
and make my body
fight them.
I-I think I'll be okay
if-if I just go home.
Absolutely.
Whatever you need,
just get better.
It makes me so angry that
little viruses can just
traipse in here and treat
your body like a playground.
It-It's all right, sir.
I should be better
by tomorrow.
I just... I just feel
so helpless, you know?
It's really not that bad.
Have we displeased you,
Almighty God in heaven?!
Do our lives mean
nothing to you?!
All right, Stan the man's here!
Told you I'd be here,
didn't I?
Who's this guy?
That's Wilson.
He's a total dirtbag.
Dirt a-bag.
Wilson's gonna give us the keys
to go inside
the gorilla enclosure.
Isn't that amazing?
I thought we were just
gonna ok at gollas.
I'm not going in there.
And honestly, Steve, I don't
think you should, either.
That's weak
sauce, Stan.
Do not enter that sauce
in the county fair,
because it is weak.
I'm going
solo, Wilson.
Let's do this.
Wow!
It's even more amazing than I...
What's happening, Wils?!
Look at that
silly gorilla!
It's not funny, Wilson!
Is kind of funny.
I don't like this!
The zookeeper's here,
Steve.
Everything's gonna
be okay.
Whoa, I never said
everything's gonna be okay.
That's a gorilla.
I mean, how could you
let your son go in there?
I didn't let him go in.
Look, what happened was,
I was at work and he told me
to meet his ass down here,
so I met his ass down here.
What's he doing?
Can't you shoot it with
a tranquilizer or something?
Yeah, you know,
if we do,
he could seize up
and crush the boy.
We need to wait for
Bobo's personal handler.
Unfortunately, he's at
a matinee right now.
I hope he picks up.
Hello?
Is it an emergency?
Shh!
When was the last time
Bobo ate?
Shh!
That long?
Oh, this isn't good.
Excuse me, some of us are
trying to watch this porno!
You better not be sleeping in there.
Dog's scooching
on the floor again;
you need to squeeze out
his butt hole.
Just a minute, baby.
Hello, 911?
You let go of me.
I never touched
that son of a bitch!
Yes, you did, Naydern.
She said she was gonna
scissors off my hog.
We want to go with our mama!
Sorry. You kids are
gonna be split up
and placed in
foster care.
Wait, you can't
keep them all together?
No way. We'll be lucky to find
them any homes at all.
I want mama!
Rocky!
♪ ♪
Looks like you've been
through some hard times.
Actually, I was fine
until I saw that face of yours.
It's painful
just to look at you.
Oh, my God.
I think I understand
country music!
♪ I saw the ugliest woman
I ever did saw ♪
♪ Face like a turnip
and an under-bit jaw ♪
Yeah, man,
tell it how it is!
♪ Inbred from inbreds,
then inbred again ♪
♪ If ugly was pretty,
then she'd be a ten ♪
That sounds
just like my wife!
♪ She was so damn ugly ♪
♪ So I got drunk and her
in my trunk. ♪
Good night!
Hold tight, Steve,
the handler's on his way.
You've been saying
that for 20 minutes!
Steve, I'm coming
in to get you!
That's enough, Bobo.
No, Bobo!
Chill out, Bobo!
Hello?
Hi, Stan, just checking to see
when I can expect you home.
Oh, normal time.
Everything's normal.
W-Why would you ask?
Oh, because you and Steve
are all over the news right now!
According to sources, Langley
Falls resident Stan Smith,
quote, "Got his ass down here,"
end quote,
to meet his son on a school day.
You better hope
that gorilla kills you
before I get there, Stan.
Oh, God, what
do I do?!
It's a simple waltz, Steve.
One, two, three,
one, two, three.
Bobo, I need you
to let these people go.
Bobo's handler!
We're saved!
Not exactly.
He just said he wants the boy
to stay with him tonight.
I don't want to die
from gorilla sex!
Looks like there might
be a threesome, Steve!
That's, uh, Rex,
Bobo's father.
I'm his handler.
He said, "What do you think
you're doing, son?!
You woke me up!"
"I'm just playing, Dad."
"Look at all the
commotion you've caused.
"You think you'll
get into a good
"captive-breeding program
acting like this?
Get inside right now!"
"But this boy's father's
letting him play."
"You call that
man a father?
No respectable parent would
let their child in here."
Hey, for your
information, Rex,
my son and I
work better as friends.
"I'm sure you do.
"Friends don't have to worry
"about discipline
or setting an example.
"It's easy to be a frid;
"that's why kids
have lots of them.
"But a father-- our kids
only get one of those.
"Who are we to take that
away from them?
"Now, come
along, Bobo.
You're grounded
for three moons."
"I love you, too, Dad."
Oh, Daddy, if you're watching,
I forgive you.
Hey, Tank, ain't that your boy?
What? No, no.
That's not my kid.
That's my son.
He seems pretty cool.
How crazy was at?
Put your fist away right now.
Uh-oh.
You're making up
all the schoolwork
you missed today,
plus extra credit.
Yes, sir.
There you are.
How dare you...
Lie to you and lose
all control of my son?
I'll be able to think about that
long and hard while I'm cleaning
the gutters and buying you
a diamond bracelet, won't I?
Uh, yes, you will.
Damn right, I will.
I'm going straight to
the most expensive jewelry store
I can find to buy the most
expensive bracelet they got.
How much for that?
50 bucks.
Nope.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==