American Dad! (2005–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Big Trouble in Little Langley - full transcript

Good morning, USA!

I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day

The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face

And he's shining a salute
to the American race

Car radio turned up
as girls approach

Oh, boy, it's swell to say

Good morning, USA

Good morning, USA!

Ah, nothing better than
being home for dinner.

It's like I'm king of the castle.

Dance, fools! Dance for your king!



Hayley, your cold sore is
dripping in the potatoes.

That's the last time I use
lip liner I find on the bus.

Oh, honey, no one believes that.

I got it! Called it! Oh, yeah!

Yay!

Mom, it's Grandma and Grandpa.

Damn it, your parents
always show up unannounced.

Steve, low the table
Hayley, hide the cutlery.

Everyone, shoes off!

Francine, don't open that door.

Stan, they're my parents.

- Francine.
- Francine.

Mah Mah! Bah Bah!

You bow!



Shoes off in house!

You just had to be adopted, didn't you?

- What is this?
- It's fish face with cabbage stem.

In the West, we call that garbage.

Oh, Mah Mah, this takes me back.

Eating trout lips, watching T.J. Hooker.

- Hooker!
- Hooker!

Devil sticks!

No fork.

Listen, Baba, this is my...

Bah Bah.

That's what I said. Baba.

Bah Bah. Aye ya.

20 years, you still not get it right.

Has it been a half hour already?

Well, what a lovely visit.

Please, let me help you throw
your trunk onto the lawn.

What Stan's trying to say is

you're welcome to stay
as long as you want.

Eh, we only stay for weekend.

We're on our way cross country.

Mah Mah and I are fulfilling dream

to see world's largest everything.

This week: thermometer.

Next week: ball of twine.

Better hurry before world's
largest kitty bat it away.

No.

Oh, no, no ducks.

Ducks okay.

Present for you, grandson.

Fireworks fromfamily business.

Steve, you canlight one off
now and save the restfor later.

I don't know,these look dangerous.

The donkey slap,the spurting cobra,

the Mao Tse Boom...

The Exxon Valdez...

- Hayley, your soreis leaking again.
- ... the Empress Headbomb...

I have remedy for whore lip.

- Thanks, Grandma.
- ... the Fever Dream,

the Screaming...

Ugh! It smellslike doodie.

It is doodie. From a monkey.

...the painful squirtbomb,

the
me-explode-you-long-time.

For God's sake,you're an American.

Stop thinking about the
consequences and blow something up.

Ah!

Bad choice.

That one is named English Patient.

It looks beautiful,but it takes a
very long time for unsatisfying payoff.

Bah Bah, you didn't
wrap Jergen'sin Ziplock.

Lotion on everything.

- I lock spout. I lock spout.
- What I tell you?

Why you bring Jergen's?

Francine, did somebody bet me how
many wash clothsI could fit in my butt

or did I do this just for fun?

Doesn't matter. 17!

Roger, company.

Ugh! It is filthy in here.

If only I had a... oh, wait, here's one.

And another.

Look at that, I'm like
a Clorox wipe dispenser.

I wish I could get
rid of them that easy.

You will show them some respect.

Why? It's not like
they're your real parents.

Stan, they're the only
parents I've ever known.

They raised me with
the same loving kindness

they showed their own
biological daughter.

Ooh, Gwen.

God, she's hot.

Playboy hot.

Great, bad enough I was aggravated,

now I'm also turned on.

You can be so insensitive,Francine.

Kiss me like your sister.
You know what, forget it.

We are so crazy!

Gentlemen, have your
mailforwarded to the edge,

'cause that's where we're living.

Lindsay Coolidge.

The stuff lunchroomboners are made of.

You guys drinkingbeers or something?

Ha! Beers.

Sparklers.

Check it out, I'm John Williams.

Ah! My face!

Barry, I'm sorry. I...

Burned your friend in the face.

That's extreme.

Extreme is awesome.

Aah!

I never knew you were so crazy.

Totally crazy.

There's nothing you won't do.

Nothing I won't do.

That makes me hot.

Tell you what,

I'll let you touch my breast if
you can topburning fat so here.

That's what my nana calls me.

I'll give you $48 to assimilate.

Shoes off in house.

What are you...? You don't
have towash paper towels.

I'll buy more.

Wasteful! You waste.
Every penny counts.

What'd you say?
You just said my name.

You tried to bury it in your China talk,

but I heard it. See if you like it.

Blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.

Francine. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Look at your face. You hate it.

Grandma, I don't know
if this is working.

You must take the whole
course of monkey dung.

You must leave it on and
reapply after een hours.

Are you tryingto say "nine"?

Yes, een.

The word is "nine. "

- Say "nine. "
- Een.

Just follow me here.

- One.
- One.

- Two.
- Two.

- Three.
- Three.

- Four.
- Four.

- Five.
- Five.

- Six.
- Six.

- Seven.
- Seven.

- Eight.
- Eight.

- Nine.
- Een.

No.

Damn duck grease!

I just cleaned those paper towels.

Never mind.

I'll wash it along
with tampon I find in garbage.

Wasteful!

I can't take another minute of this.

They're cheap, they're pushy,
they come inand take over.

I feel like a visitor
in my own home.

Stan, please,it's just one more day.

Hey, look at me.

Is that my new swimsuit?

I haven't even worn it yet.

I like it here.

We're going to stay two weeks.

No! Come back here, Baba!

Uh-oh. Gambled and lost.

I want them out.

Not tomorrow,not in two weeks, now.

I am not kicking my parents out.

They're not your real parents.
They didn't give birth to you.

Just because they're
not my birth parents

doesn't mean they're
not my real parents.

And I never want to hear
anything about it ever again.

Damn it.

They're out there somewhere.

And I'm not gonna rest until I find...

my birth in-laws.

All right, here's where we'll find
out who my real birth in-laws are.

Did I ever tell you
about my parents?

Tragic story.

Very good.

Now while I hack the database,
you create a diversion.

A diversion?!

Oh, this is a caper,
like in the movies.

Speaking of movies,
you ever see Man on Fire?

Is that the one with...

"Name. " Francine Ling.

"Year of birth. "

Enter.

Here they are, Nicholas
and Cassandra Dawson.

Hilton Head, South Carolina.

File print.

"Failure to find printer. L-5 error. "

All right, I turned off the printer.

I'm waiting for it to come back on.

Okay, it's back on.

Okay, I'm walking to the computer.

I'm by the computer.

File print, and...

No, L-5 error again.

I'll just reroute it to
another printer in our system.

Nope. L-5.

So it's not the printer.

Strange. I guess you could
just write the information down.

Technology, huh?

Three steps forward,
four steps back.

Keeps me in business.

That it does. That it does.

How'd you know I was fireproof?

I didn't even know.

Wait, you did know I was, right?

I'm just gonna go with "yes"
and preserve the friendship.

Look, guys, if I can pull this off,
Lindsay Coolidge will give me boob!

Snot, remember that time
I gave you half an orange?

Yeah.

Well, then let me put a
firecracker up your ass.

No, I don't remember you
giving me half an orange.

So, no, you can't.

Why does everybody hate me so much?!

Hey, guess what?
I'm flame retardant.

Can I blow you up with firecrackers?

I don't see why not.

Awesome!

Oh, my God, they're rich!

Mommy-in-law!
Daddy-in-law!

I found you!

Love me!

Okay, I will now recklessly
blow up my cousin Roger.

For good measure,

I'm going to set the whole thing
off with this... the finger blaster.

Nothing gets a girl going like a
good old-fashioned Finger-blaster.

Ah! My thumb!

I blew off my thumb!

We're gonna get in trouble!

Run!

Okay, golden opportunity.

Say "Charlie, they took my thumb. "

Eric Roberts. Pope of Greenwich Village.

No?

You're a lot of fun.

We're so gladyou contacted us, Stan.

We've often thought of the
daughter we had to give up.

That was a terrible,terrible day.

Oh, I can only immagine.
So, Nick, Cassie,

what do you guys want to
do- see a movie or something?

Can I look at your movies?
I bet you have Dave.

You want to watch Dave? Kevin
Kline plays two characters.

Watch. Watching? Watch this.

Boom!

Thank you, Kalalo.

Wow! You have Asians
working for you,

rather than being related to you.

This is how
it's supposed to be.

I'm finally home.

Mah Mah, Bah Bah

In-laws show up uninvited

Temper tantrums are incited

Speak in English!Speak in English!

Mah Mah, Bah Bah,
so unrefined

Stupid printer
didn't get me down

Drove out of town,
look who I found

Nick and Cass

They're the in-laws
of my dreams

Caucasian folksof well-off means

Love the place I'm in,
no more Mandarin

- Steaks and cash
- Pull!

Shooting rolls
Of paper towels

As they enunciatetheir vowels

God, I'm happy, hey,
found a home today

Ducks and chopsticks

Boundaries?
They don't give a hoot

Pull! Farting in my bathing suit

Who needs that, Stan?
Who needs that, Stan?

Nick and Cass

Now I'm skiing on a yacht

Suddenly, I'm drinking
sparkling wine

Living like a swell
is mighty fine

If you find
your mate's adopted

New in-laws can be co-opted

Screw the past

This is my new family now

And my life is back
to God's design

These are not your in-laws

Because they're mine!

Well, this has been
a great afternoon, Stan,

but we should probably
meet Francine.

- Who's that, now?
- Our daughter.

Is that necessary?

I mean, the triangle is the
strongest structure in nature.

Stan, we enjoy
your company,

but we can't possibly continue
this relationship without Francine.

She does know you're here?

Of course. She cannot wait
to meet you guys.

Cannot wait.

Hey, Francine.
Stan. Can't talk.

On a mission.
Under fire.

Let me throw a quick
hypothetical your way.

What if I told you
I met the nicest couple,

who have a ton of money,
good old-fashioned values,

and think my water
skiingis top-notch?

Then what
if I told you

that couple were
your birth parents?

I'd be incredibly angry,
hurt and betrayed.

And, in addition to never
wanting to meet them,

I'd never want
to see you again either.

Fun game, these
hypotheticals.

Keeps me alive
in the trenches.

Bring you back
a snow globe.

Kalalo, dramatic sting!

That was terrible.

I'm back from my mission.

Where's my snow globe?
I know.

Listen, I was just thinking
about genetic disease.

For the kids' sake,
we should probably

meet your real parents
and get their medical history.

What if baldness
runs in your family?

Can you imagine
anything more horrific

than Steve
losing his hair?

My thumb! Where's my thumb?!

Found it! Oh, no, no.
It's a baby pinecone.

Add that one
to the collection.

Oh, my God! Here it is!

My thumb! Get out of here, crow!

My face!

Why, crow? Why?

Mah Mah and Bah Bahtreat me
like their own flesh and blood.

Stan, I have
no interest

in tracking down
my birth parents, ever.

So, if you were in The Matrix,
you would have taken

the blue pillin
stead of the red pill,

and never would have seen the
world for what it really was,

and the movie would have
only been 20 minutes long.

I want you
to think about that.

You're not going
to think about that.

You don't even
understand what I'm saying.

The Lings must have a skeleton
in their closet.

Or in a trunk.

Why would they need these?

There must be something
in here that's incriminating.

Do they?!

Do they what?
Who's they?

Oh, right. Sorry.

You remember how, earlier, you said
Mah Mah and Bah Bah

treat you like their
own flesh and blood?

- Yeah.
- Do they?!

Stan, this is my parents' will.

I can't read this.

Even the part where
they leave everything

to hot Gwen,
and you get nothing?

I don't believe it.

No matter what the Lings
may have told you,

you're always going
to be the adopted daughter

that they'll never love
like their own.

I'm sorry, Francine.
I'm sorry.

God, is Gwen hot!
I mean, oh, my God!

Hoo! Lookwhat I tape off TV!

Four episodesof T.J. Hooker!

Hookah! How come you
no "Hookah" with me?

You cut me out
of your will?!

You go through our trunk?

You gave everything to Gwen!

It's because she's
your real daughter, isn't it?

You dishonor us
and yourself.

Get out of my house,
both of you!

And get out of my life!

- Bye-bye, Baba.
- No. It's Bah...

You were right, Stan.
I want to meet my real parents.

Don't worry, honey.

I'll find them,
no matter howlong it takes.

They'll be here at 6:00.

Duck... duck... duck... goose?!

God! That's deeply programmed.

They're here!

Please come in.

Francine's getting
her hair done.

So this is her.

Oh! I remember the day
we had to give her away.

Oh, I'm sorry,

but children aren't allowed
in the first-class cabin.

I can't fly coach.
That would be awful.

Can you just give
this away for us?

You're a doll.

Oh, thank God.
For a moment there,

I thought we were going
to have a problem.

So...

you completely
abandoned Francine?

Yes. Yes, we did.
And we had a great vacation.

And the money we saved
not having to raise a child

was put toward some
very smart investments.

I... I think I need a drink.

Stan, these people
are monsters.

You know what my country has done,
and even I find this repulsive.

Well, they're rich
and they speak English good.

How bad could they be?

But, Stan...

La, la, la! Not listening!

Uh... Stan, the English Patientis
getting close to detonating.

Stan! Stan!

How did we get here?

- Please! Help!
- One sec.

Hi, Sid. Quick question.

I'm in a burning house,
a man is caught under a beam.

What's my liability
if I help him?

Uh-huh. I thought so.

Stan, we're going to wait in the yard,
see how this plays out.

Wait! You can't leave me here!

I'm your son-in-law!

Don't worry, buddy.
You're someone else's problem now.

Mommy-in-law! Daddy-in-law!
Save me!

Ah! I knew
you'd come back for me.

Lucky I come back
for trunk.

I can't believe you
risked your life to save mine.

Of course I save you, Stan.

You're my son-in-law.

You make my Francine happy.

Her happiness
is all I ever want.

Well, then why did you
cut her out of the will

and leave everything
to Gwen?

Because Gwen is moron.

She needs lots of help.

She failed math in school.

Imagine, Chinese girl
can't do math?

It's embarrassing
when children don't adhere to stereotypes.

Francine is our smart daughter.

We never have
to worry about her.

Plus, she marry okay.

I saw fire!
I called een one one!

We got your thumb sewed onjust in time.

But your hand will be completely numb
until the anesthesia wears off.

Thanks, Doc.

Hey, Steve. Not only
did you blow your thumb off,

you burned
your house down.

I burned my house down.

That's so extreme!

You get the grand prize.

I want you
to touch my whole breast.

This is it!

This is the moment!

So, what do you think?

I... I can't feel anything.

Are you saying
I have small breasts?

No! No!
That's not what I...

You're a real jerk,
Steve Smith!

Come back!
Let me try the other hand!

Rip out the I.V.!
Rip it out! Rip it out! Oh!

I don't deserve this!
Why the injustice?

Why, crow? Why?!

Oh, my God! Our house!

Nothing to worry about.

Just your averagegr
easy Chinese duck fire.

Is everyone okay?
Steve? Hayley? Roger?

Everyone's fine.

Oh, and... and Klaus. Is Klaus okay?

He's the only one
I really care about.

Too late, Francine.
Too (beep) late.

I'm so excited
to meet them.

Where are they, Stan?
Where are my real parents?

Your real parents
are right over there.

What are you
talking about?

The Lings are
your real parents.

I was wrong, Francine.
They're good people.

They would do anything
for your happiness.

- But the will?
- Trust me.

They know
what they're doing.

My own pony?

Mah Mah and Bah Bah
love you, Francine.

Everything okay, Stan?

I would have
named her Buttercup.

Traduzione:
Revisione:

Synch: Athana e Gatz_

www. subsfactory. it