American Dad! (2005–…): Season 17, Episode 19 - Jambalaya - full transcript
Francine successfully grows a garden, which reminds Roger that he has a recipe for truly authentic jambalaya.
Face it, Franny, you've
got a brown thumb...
and not the sexy kind.
I can't even raise a tomato.
What if I wanted to
raise children someday?!
Having trouble growing a garden?
Try a single plant.
Wait, who said that?
I did. Paul Rudd.
On behalf of Ye Ol'
Farmers' Almanac.
Oh, my Instagram was open.
If you're like me, you've tried
all the fad gardening
kits to no avail.
Now try the one that works,
the Ye Ol' Farmers' Almanac;
A dense book filled
with vague instructions
based off the
position of the moon.
And you know it works,
because it's me telling you.
Paul Rudd.
And I'm not a
liar, I'm an actor.
Watch, now I'll act sad.
♪ Hard times are real ♪
♪ There's dusty fields
no matter where you ♪
♪ You may change your mind ♪
♪ 'Cause the weeds are
high where corn don't grow ♪
♪ You may change your mind ♪
♪ 'Cause the weeds are
high where corn don't grow ♪
I have mastered nature!
I am stronger than God!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin' that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good
morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
You see Bev-D's latest post?
Another out-of-focus
photo of scallops?
Man, that woman loves scallops.
And I love that she's still
sticking with that hairstyle.
I mean it's
basically the Rachel!
Who are you guys talking about?
Bev DiVincenzo.
Best social media
follow in the game.
What makes her so great?
She's a normal, sad
person, but she posts
constantly with the
confidence of someone
that has an actually
interesting life.
Her life is so mundane
and yet so specific...
it draws you in.
She lives in Al to on a, PA.
She works out at a
non-judgmental gym.
She loves her Jeep Wrangler.
She has a boyfriend named Irv.
Every Cinco de Mayo, she
posts a photo of her famous wet,
watery homemade salsa.
And her favorite nights are
when she's alone on her back patio
with a cold bottle of Diet Coke
and the Pittsburgh
Pirates playing on her iPad.
Oh! She just started
using the term YOLO.
It's her new "sister
from another mister."
If you guys love her so much,
why don't you go
see her in real life?
Al to on a is only
three hours away.
Hmm. Premium content.
I wouldn't be missed at
work. Bullock's using again.
She would be easy to find.
Are you two really thinking
of driving three hours
to stalk a total stranger
from Facebook?!
That settles it. We're doing it.
Come on, Hayley!
Yes!
They both have diarrhea?
Check it out...
The first veggie from my garden!
Nice, Mom!
Jesus, man. Calm down.
I'm going to make
restaurant-quality food
with them... Like
they do at restaurants.
I know a great recipe for truly
authentic Louisiana jambalaya
I learned from a
blind bayou man.
It was back in the 80's
during Mardi Gras...
I'd been drinking
for 9 or 10 hours with no luck
when a girl flashed "F-me" eyes
right as she walked
out the back door.
I followed her down the
alley and then for miles...
all the way out to the bayou.
It was only there I realized...
she was a raccoon.
A male raccoon, and
he had led me into a trap.
I was a goner.
But then out of nowhere a
blind bayou man saved me!
He took me back to his
shack and prepared me
life-nourishing jambalaya,
teaching me the
recipe along the way.
Hold up, you were
trying to bone a raccoon?
Is... Is that what
you're saying?
Steve, you're totally missing
one of the two
points of my story.
I know how to make
truly authentic jambalaya
as taught to me by
a blind bayou man!
Count me out!
I'm on a deadline.
I didn't know you had
a new project, Klaus.
Yeah, I'm writing a new
blockbuster movie for John Cena,
but I only have
four days to do it.
That's when he
has a book signing
at the Langley Book Hole.
I'm going to present
him with the script
and convince him to be in it.
I love John Cena!
I didn't know he was an author.
Oh, yeah, great author.
I'm actually slowly
working my way
through his new one right now
because I don't want it to end!
Well, jambalaya.
Can I help with your script?
Are you serious?!
I was a huge fan of the porno
you and Roger wrote
back in Season 4.
Alright!
You're getting in
at the right time too,
I'm at the top of page one.
Well, I'm glad you're excited
to cook my veggies, Roger!
Only problem is I'm
having a little trouble
remembering that recipe.
Well, I was originally
thinking of cooking...
I know how I can remember!
You know how in college
if you go to class drunk
and then take the final drunk
you remember
everything and ace it? No.
I just have to get back to that
exact same drunk head space
I was in in that bayou in '86.
Honestly, Roger, if...
if you can't remember...
No, no, I can get there.
Do you remember the recipe?!
Roger,
you're pissing in my colander.
I can't believe we're in the
same town as Bev DiVincenzo!
There's Suzie's Meal Box!
The best chicken
Caesar salad in the world!
There's her non-judgmental gym!
Oh, my God, it's Bev! It's Bev!
Roger!
Roger! You destroyed my garden!
I remember the jambalaya recipe!
In walks the lead,
Brevin Docent...
Whoa! Sick name!
We gotta give him
a deep character.
Women want to sleep with him
and guys wanna sleep with him.
Yes.
His ass looks
hard but also soft.
His eyes are two rhinestones
in a bowl of heavy cream.
He's a guy you want
to have a beer with,
but when he's having a beer...
he's doing nuclear
physics in a notebook.
Yes!
He fosters sick cats
and makes girls climax
like 18 times a night!
Klaus!
This is really good.
Oh, my God,
Francine there you are!
I figured it all out...
How we can raise
funds to fix your garden.
I wasn't really worried
about the money part.
The answer was right in
front of us the whole time!
Jambalaya!
We'll use a portion of the
profits from the restaurant
to fix your garden!
What restaurant?!
The jambalaya restaurant!
That's what all the veggies
and seafood are for, silly!
I don't wanna... Holy crap!
Look what was in the shrimp!
It's a frozen alligator!
I wonder if it was frozen
alive like "Encino Man"?
What if this is an "Encino
Man" situation, Francine?
We better defrost it.
I think that's the new
front of the restaurant!
New what of the huh?
You order the old bayou porch?
Where you want it?
That'll work.
Right? Roger, that's
where my garden was!
She had a garden.
Now we have a restaurant!
Oh, my God! He's alive!
I'm gonna name him Julius!
Doesn't he look like a Julius?
I don't know, Roger.
I don't know what
a Julius looks like.
All I can picture is
a little Roman guy
or a Philadelphia 76er.
Roger, I don't want you running
a restaurant out of the house!
You're the one who
wanted to open a restaurant.
No. I said I wanted to make
a "restaurant-quality" dish
with vegetables from my garden.
Oh, my God, enough
about your dumb garden!
It was covered in throw-up!
And anyway, it's too
late because I sent Rogu
to the wharf with
a bunch of flyers,
and his cute ass
always pulls in business.
So that's it? The house
is now a restaurant?!
Whoa! Francine! Your tone!
It's upsetting Julius!
God, he's soft.
You should feel
how soft he... Aah!
He keeps me quick.
Stan's going to kill us both
if he comes back to a
restaurant in his living room!
You're always so worried
about what Stan thinks.
I'm starting to
think you like him.
Maybe even more
than the restaurant.
Much more! Because I
don't like the restaurant at all!
And there it is.
You were right, Julius.
I hate to do this, but Julius
and I have been talking
and we don't think you're
dedicated to the restaurant.
I have to fire you.
You are no longer an employee
of Julius's Bayou Bistro.
I was never an employee
of Julius's Bayou Bistro!
And that's a dumb name!
Too far!
Just get your stuff and go.
This is my stuff!
This is all my stuff!
Where are we?
Oh, my God.
You guys had quite the crash.
Lucky I was driving by. Local
hospital's a bunch of dip shits.
I'll get you back on your feet.
I'm Bev DiVincenzo.
I'm just glad you
guys didn't die.
You know what they say...
Rogu, everyone's ready
and you haven't plated
a single bowl of jambalaya?!
Rogu in weeds.
I'm starting to think all
that restaurant experience
on your application was a lie.
You wrote Rogu résumé.
You got me there.
Well, at least we
can count on Julius.
Perfect. As always.
Whoa!
And as soon as Rogu is
ready with the jambalaya...
Ready.
Now I just don't know
what to believe, Rogu.
Showtime!
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ If you want something good ♪
♪ Eat as much as you can ♪
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ I learned this recipe
from a little blind man ♪
And now it is my
pleasure to introduce
the beating heart
of this restaurant.
His name is on the
front for a reason...
Julius!
'Scuse me. Sorry,
did not rehearse this.
[Thudding, clattering I Whoa!
Hope someone brought
two figs in a coin-purse
'cause that's what I just felt!
Ow, my shin! Oh, Jesus!
That one stopped
me dead in my tracks.
Ah!
Got it. Just give me a second.
Okay, I'm good.
Julius!
And feel how soft he is!
Yay! Three cheers for Julius
and his great restaurant!
Hooray for Julius!
That's the softest
alligator I've ever felt.
How much would you...
sell him for?
For Julius?!
Never, creep!
Everything has a price.
I would be buying him for
only good purposes, of course.
Hm.
Hey, you're a real weirdo.
Outta here, buddy.
If you change your
mind, you can find me
at the big, scary animal-wallet
factory at the edge of town!
Now, who's
ready for more jambalaya?!
Now who's ready for "Avatar 2"?
I can't hear you!
This is James Cameron!
Just like always, all I wanted
to do was cook my vegetables
and now Roger's
running a restaurant
out of our living room
with his new pet alligator...
Julius.
God, I'd love to
see Roger's face
if something ever
happened to stupid Julius.
That's it!
I'm gonna make something
happen to stupid Julius!
Oh, my God, will you shut up?!
You've been ranting for hours!
I'm not stopping you from
writing your dumb script,
be my guest!
Okay, Steve, it's the climax.
The bad guys still have the kid.
What if the hero skydives in?
The bad guys, stunned by how
beautiful and cool Brevin Docent
played by John Cena
is, simply stand there...
and he mows them all
down with a machine gun.
Holy cow...
They just stare at him
as he shoots them?
That's stupid.
Get her out of here!
Mom! Fine, whatever.
This room sucks!
Your story sucks!
She's a hater,
Steve! She's a hater!
But... what if she's right?
Well, sounds like you'll
be playing basketball again
in no time.
Hey! What are you
doing telling Bev
your legs are feeling better?
They are. Why wouldn't I?
Because as soon as we're okay,
Bev will kick us out.
And we can't leave
until we witness
her vacuum pack
her winter clothes.
Your legs are okay?
Don't ruin this for me.
Hey, Bev, you wouldn't happen
to have any homemade
salsa, would you?
No, I only make that
on Cinco de Mayo.
But... I guess I could
make some now.
Also, I was thinking
maybe a little fresh air
would do us good.
I see you have a patio.
Yeah, we can sit
out there tonight.
Oh, darn, I was hoping
to watch the Pirates game.
You guys didn't tell me
you were Pirates fans!
I have an iPad
we can watch it on.
♪ Jambalaya, whoa ♪
♪ Look at that hot guy-a ♪
Now it's time to meet
the beating heart
of this restaurant.
His name is on the
front for a reason...
Julius!
Feel how soft he...
What the hell?
Jambalaya? But where's Julius?
Someone knock out Rogu.
Almost die.
Julius has been stolen!
It's printing! We should
have just enough time
to get to the bookstore!
So did you guys
change your ending?
I swear to God, Francine...
Somebody took Julius!
Julius is missing!
Yo, bro, you got
soup on our script!
Soup on your script?!
Julius is missing!
Now maybe you
know what it feels like
when someone takes
something you care about.
Francine, did you
have something to do
with Julius's disappearance?
Yes!
I was gonna throw
him in Greg's pool,
but luckily a creepy
guy lurking in our bushes
offered to do it for me. Oh, no!
He's connected to that
animal-wallet factory!
Animal-wallet factory?
Can you guys please
take this anywhere else?!
Where would an animal
even put their wallet?
I mean, a kangaroo I understand.
Ohhhh.
Oh, no!
You gotta believe me, Roger.
I didn't know I was
putting Julius in danger.
Just forget it, Francine.
All I want right now is
to walk into that building
and walk out with
Julius safely intact...
and a brand-new wallet
made from an animal
I have no emotional
attachments to.
Like a famous show
dog or something.
I don't know. Come on.
Ohohoho.
He's so soft.
Skin him.
Noooooooooooooo!
Get them!
We need a plan!
I meant to bring
that up in the car.
In that moment, Elbow Grease
realized it would take more
than all-wheel drive
to get over the bridge.
It would take love.
Wait, he writes
children's books?
Didn't you say you were slowly
working your way through one?
They're good books!
The main guy is a
determined truck!
Hell yeah! That's a book, bro!
That's a book!
Come on. We
have a script to sell.
And act tough. John
Cena can smell fear.
Hey, you need to be careful.
Bev seemed a little
unsettled when you asked her
to make the macaroni salad
she made for her aunt's funeral.
I said "would make
for an aunt's funeral."
Alright, a little mac salad.
How bad my Pirates losing?
Excellent, also any chance
we can get a little more
of this amazing,
wet, watery salsa?
Sure.
I need to go in and call
my boyfriend Irv, anyway.
Irv...
She's too good for Irv.
She should date that
guy from her office.
The one she gives the big donut
to every year on his birthday.
Mark Matthews? Mark
Matthews! Her work husband!
She's always posting
about how it's not sexual,
but I think they
could get there.
How do you know Mark
Matthews? What's going on?
You guys have been
saying lots of weird stuff.
We'll always love you!
Please don't block us!
So you figured out
we were making drugs.
What?! No, honestly, we
were just here for Julius!
So you aren't here to take
down my huge cocaine operation?
Wow, that's a ton of cocaine.
Well, now you've
definitely seen it,
so I still have to kill you.
It's funny, I was just saying
I bet the only thing softer
than an alligator wallet
would be a human one.
And now I get to find out.
If you had just let me
cook my vegetables,
none of this would be happening.
But then we never
would've met Julius.
Wouldn't you
rather die with Julius
than have never met him? No!
Aah! Julius look away!
What the hell is that?
Whoa.
His eyes are like
two rhinestones...
In a bowl of heavy cream!
Aah! Aah!
Ugh! Oh!
Whoo! Who thinks this
is stupid now, Francine?
How'd you get John
Cena to save us?
He saw the jambalaya
stain on our script
and asked how it happened!
Oh, when Stu and Klaude told me
you had a missing
alligator, I had to help.
See, I once had a pet alligator.
Well, actually... he was
more of a best friend.
But I lost him while
scouting a shrimp factory
for a new Elbow Grease book.
Wait...
Julius?!
It really is you!
Wait a second. He
was your alligator?!
And we both named him Julius?
I guess he
does just look like a Julius.
God, I miss Julius!
Man, it really hurts when you
lose something you care about.
It's almost like you
and your garden.
Actually, it's
exactly like that.
Francine, I think I
just learned a lesson.
I know I learned
one. Trying too...
Oh, look! The trailer for Julius
and John Cena's new movie is up!
They stole the idea from Steve
and Klaus. Isn't that funny?
He's a nuclear physicist
you'd wanna get a beer with...
and he's an alligator
you wanna have sex with.
And together they're bad
news for the bad guys.
This fall, John Cena
is Brevin Docent...
and introducing
Julius as... Julius.
Two geniuses from
different genuses.
You're gonna wanna
this dude and this alligator!
Directed by James Cameron.
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
got a brown thumb...
and not the sexy kind.
I can't even raise a tomato.
What if I wanted to
raise children someday?!
Having trouble growing a garden?
Try a single plant.
Wait, who said that?
I did. Paul Rudd.
On behalf of Ye Ol'
Farmers' Almanac.
Oh, my Instagram was open.
If you're like me, you've tried
all the fad gardening
kits to no avail.
Now try the one that works,
the Ye Ol' Farmers' Almanac;
A dense book filled
with vague instructions
based off the
position of the moon.
And you know it works,
because it's me telling you.
Paul Rudd.
And I'm not a
liar, I'm an actor.
Watch, now I'll act sad.
♪ Hard times are real ♪
♪ There's dusty fields
no matter where you ♪
♪ You may change your mind ♪
♪ 'Cause the weeds are
high where corn don't grow ♪
♪ You may change your mind ♪
♪ 'Cause the weeds are
high where corn don't grow ♪
I have mastered nature!
I am stronger than God!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin' that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good
morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
You see Bev-D's latest post?
Another out-of-focus
photo of scallops?
Man, that woman loves scallops.
And I love that she's still
sticking with that hairstyle.
I mean it's
basically the Rachel!
Who are you guys talking about?
Bev DiVincenzo.
Best social media
follow in the game.
What makes her so great?
She's a normal, sad
person, but she posts
constantly with the
confidence of someone
that has an actually
interesting life.
Her life is so mundane
and yet so specific...
it draws you in.
She lives in Al to on a, PA.
She works out at a
non-judgmental gym.
She loves her Jeep Wrangler.
She has a boyfriend named Irv.
Every Cinco de Mayo, she
posts a photo of her famous wet,
watery homemade salsa.
And her favorite nights are
when she's alone on her back patio
with a cold bottle of Diet Coke
and the Pittsburgh
Pirates playing on her iPad.
Oh! She just started
using the term YOLO.
It's her new "sister
from another mister."
If you guys love her so much,
why don't you go
see her in real life?
Al to on a is only
three hours away.
Hmm. Premium content.
I wouldn't be missed at
work. Bullock's using again.
She would be easy to find.
Are you two really thinking
of driving three hours
to stalk a total stranger
from Facebook?!
That settles it. We're doing it.
Come on, Hayley!
Yes!
They both have diarrhea?
Check it out...
The first veggie from my garden!
Nice, Mom!
Jesus, man. Calm down.
I'm going to make
restaurant-quality food
with them... Like
they do at restaurants.
I know a great recipe for truly
authentic Louisiana jambalaya
I learned from a
blind bayou man.
It was back in the 80's
during Mardi Gras...
I'd been drinking
for 9 or 10 hours with no luck
when a girl flashed "F-me" eyes
right as she walked
out the back door.
I followed her down the
alley and then for miles...
all the way out to the bayou.
It was only there I realized...
she was a raccoon.
A male raccoon, and
he had led me into a trap.
I was a goner.
But then out of nowhere a
blind bayou man saved me!
He took me back to his
shack and prepared me
life-nourishing jambalaya,
teaching me the
recipe along the way.
Hold up, you were
trying to bone a raccoon?
Is... Is that what
you're saying?
Steve, you're totally missing
one of the two
points of my story.
I know how to make
truly authentic jambalaya
as taught to me by
a blind bayou man!
Count me out!
I'm on a deadline.
I didn't know you had
a new project, Klaus.
Yeah, I'm writing a new
blockbuster movie for John Cena,
but I only have
four days to do it.
That's when he
has a book signing
at the Langley Book Hole.
I'm going to present
him with the script
and convince him to be in it.
I love John Cena!
I didn't know he was an author.
Oh, yeah, great author.
I'm actually slowly
working my way
through his new one right now
because I don't want it to end!
Well, jambalaya.
Can I help with your script?
Are you serious?!
I was a huge fan of the porno
you and Roger wrote
back in Season 4.
Alright!
You're getting in
at the right time too,
I'm at the top of page one.
Well, I'm glad you're excited
to cook my veggies, Roger!
Only problem is I'm
having a little trouble
remembering that recipe.
Well, I was originally
thinking of cooking...
I know how I can remember!
You know how in college
if you go to class drunk
and then take the final drunk
you remember
everything and ace it? No.
I just have to get back to that
exact same drunk head space
I was in in that bayou in '86.
Honestly, Roger, if...
if you can't remember...
No, no, I can get there.
Do you remember the recipe?!
Roger,
you're pissing in my colander.
I can't believe we're in the
same town as Bev DiVincenzo!
There's Suzie's Meal Box!
The best chicken
Caesar salad in the world!
There's her non-judgmental gym!
Oh, my God, it's Bev! It's Bev!
Roger!
Roger! You destroyed my garden!
I remember the jambalaya recipe!
In walks the lead,
Brevin Docent...
Whoa! Sick name!
We gotta give him
a deep character.
Women want to sleep with him
and guys wanna sleep with him.
Yes.
His ass looks
hard but also soft.
His eyes are two rhinestones
in a bowl of heavy cream.
He's a guy you want
to have a beer with,
but when he's having a beer...
he's doing nuclear
physics in a notebook.
Yes!
He fosters sick cats
and makes girls climax
like 18 times a night!
Klaus!
This is really good.
Oh, my God,
Francine there you are!
I figured it all out...
How we can raise
funds to fix your garden.
I wasn't really worried
about the money part.
The answer was right in
front of us the whole time!
Jambalaya!
We'll use a portion of the
profits from the restaurant
to fix your garden!
What restaurant?!
The jambalaya restaurant!
That's what all the veggies
and seafood are for, silly!
I don't wanna... Holy crap!
Look what was in the shrimp!
It's a frozen alligator!
I wonder if it was frozen
alive like "Encino Man"?
What if this is an "Encino
Man" situation, Francine?
We better defrost it.
I think that's the new
front of the restaurant!
New what of the huh?
You order the old bayou porch?
Where you want it?
That'll work.
Right? Roger, that's
where my garden was!
She had a garden.
Now we have a restaurant!
Oh, my God! He's alive!
I'm gonna name him Julius!
Doesn't he look like a Julius?
I don't know, Roger.
I don't know what
a Julius looks like.
All I can picture is
a little Roman guy
or a Philadelphia 76er.
Roger, I don't want you running
a restaurant out of the house!
You're the one who
wanted to open a restaurant.
No. I said I wanted to make
a "restaurant-quality" dish
with vegetables from my garden.
Oh, my God, enough
about your dumb garden!
It was covered in throw-up!
And anyway, it's too
late because I sent Rogu
to the wharf with
a bunch of flyers,
and his cute ass
always pulls in business.
So that's it? The house
is now a restaurant?!
Whoa! Francine! Your tone!
It's upsetting Julius!
God, he's soft.
You should feel
how soft he... Aah!
He keeps me quick.
Stan's going to kill us both
if he comes back to a
restaurant in his living room!
You're always so worried
about what Stan thinks.
I'm starting to
think you like him.
Maybe even more
than the restaurant.
Much more! Because I
don't like the restaurant at all!
And there it is.
You were right, Julius.
I hate to do this, but Julius
and I have been talking
and we don't think you're
dedicated to the restaurant.
I have to fire you.
You are no longer an employee
of Julius's Bayou Bistro.
I was never an employee
of Julius's Bayou Bistro!
And that's a dumb name!
Too far!
Just get your stuff and go.
This is my stuff!
This is all my stuff!
Where are we?
Oh, my God.
You guys had quite the crash.
Lucky I was driving by. Local
hospital's a bunch of dip shits.
I'll get you back on your feet.
I'm Bev DiVincenzo.
I'm just glad you
guys didn't die.
You know what they say...
Rogu, everyone's ready
and you haven't plated
a single bowl of jambalaya?!
Rogu in weeds.
I'm starting to think all
that restaurant experience
on your application was a lie.
You wrote Rogu résumé.
You got me there.
Well, at least we
can count on Julius.
Perfect. As always.
Whoa!
And as soon as Rogu is
ready with the jambalaya...
Ready.
Now I just don't know
what to believe, Rogu.
Showtime!
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ If you want something good ♪
♪ Eat as much as you can ♪
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ Jambalaya ♪
♪ I learned this recipe
from a little blind man ♪
And now it is my
pleasure to introduce
the beating heart
of this restaurant.
His name is on the
front for a reason...
Julius!
'Scuse me. Sorry,
did not rehearse this.
[Thudding, clattering I Whoa!
Hope someone brought
two figs in a coin-purse
'cause that's what I just felt!
Ow, my shin! Oh, Jesus!
That one stopped
me dead in my tracks.
Ah!
Got it. Just give me a second.
Okay, I'm good.
Julius!
And feel how soft he is!
Yay! Three cheers for Julius
and his great restaurant!
Hooray for Julius!
That's the softest
alligator I've ever felt.
How much would you...
sell him for?
For Julius?!
Never, creep!
Everything has a price.
I would be buying him for
only good purposes, of course.
Hm.
Hey, you're a real weirdo.
Outta here, buddy.
If you change your
mind, you can find me
at the big, scary animal-wallet
factory at the edge of town!
Now, who's
ready for more jambalaya?!
Now who's ready for "Avatar 2"?
I can't hear you!
This is James Cameron!
Just like always, all I wanted
to do was cook my vegetables
and now Roger's
running a restaurant
out of our living room
with his new pet alligator...
Julius.
God, I'd love to
see Roger's face
if something ever
happened to stupid Julius.
That's it!
I'm gonna make something
happen to stupid Julius!
Oh, my God, will you shut up?!
You've been ranting for hours!
I'm not stopping you from
writing your dumb script,
be my guest!
Okay, Steve, it's the climax.
The bad guys still have the kid.
What if the hero skydives in?
The bad guys, stunned by how
beautiful and cool Brevin Docent
played by John Cena
is, simply stand there...
and he mows them all
down with a machine gun.
Holy cow...
They just stare at him
as he shoots them?
That's stupid.
Get her out of here!
Mom! Fine, whatever.
This room sucks!
Your story sucks!
She's a hater,
Steve! She's a hater!
But... what if she's right?
Well, sounds like you'll
be playing basketball again
in no time.
Hey! What are you
doing telling Bev
your legs are feeling better?
They are. Why wouldn't I?
Because as soon as we're okay,
Bev will kick us out.
And we can't leave
until we witness
her vacuum pack
her winter clothes.
Your legs are okay?
Don't ruin this for me.
Hey, Bev, you wouldn't happen
to have any homemade
salsa, would you?
No, I only make that
on Cinco de Mayo.
But... I guess I could
make some now.
Also, I was thinking
maybe a little fresh air
would do us good.
I see you have a patio.
Yeah, we can sit
out there tonight.
Oh, darn, I was hoping
to watch the Pirates game.
You guys didn't tell me
you were Pirates fans!
I have an iPad
we can watch it on.
♪ Jambalaya, whoa ♪
♪ Look at that hot guy-a ♪
Now it's time to meet
the beating heart
of this restaurant.
His name is on the
front for a reason...
Julius!
Feel how soft he...
What the hell?
Jambalaya? But where's Julius?
Someone knock out Rogu.
Almost die.
Julius has been stolen!
It's printing! We should
have just enough time
to get to the bookstore!
So did you guys
change your ending?
I swear to God, Francine...
Somebody took Julius!
Julius is missing!
Yo, bro, you got
soup on our script!
Soup on your script?!
Julius is missing!
Now maybe you
know what it feels like
when someone takes
something you care about.
Francine, did you
have something to do
with Julius's disappearance?
Yes!
I was gonna throw
him in Greg's pool,
but luckily a creepy
guy lurking in our bushes
offered to do it for me. Oh, no!
He's connected to that
animal-wallet factory!
Animal-wallet factory?
Can you guys please
take this anywhere else?!
Where would an animal
even put their wallet?
I mean, a kangaroo I understand.
Ohhhh.
Oh, no!
You gotta believe me, Roger.
I didn't know I was
putting Julius in danger.
Just forget it, Francine.
All I want right now is
to walk into that building
and walk out with
Julius safely intact...
and a brand-new wallet
made from an animal
I have no emotional
attachments to.
Like a famous show
dog or something.
I don't know. Come on.
Ohohoho.
He's so soft.
Skin him.
Noooooooooooooo!
Get them!
We need a plan!
I meant to bring
that up in the car.
In that moment, Elbow Grease
realized it would take more
than all-wheel drive
to get over the bridge.
It would take love.
Wait, he writes
children's books?
Didn't you say you were slowly
working your way through one?
They're good books!
The main guy is a
determined truck!
Hell yeah! That's a book, bro!
That's a book!
Come on. We
have a script to sell.
And act tough. John
Cena can smell fear.
Hey, you need to be careful.
Bev seemed a little
unsettled when you asked her
to make the macaroni salad
she made for her aunt's funeral.
I said "would make
for an aunt's funeral."
Alright, a little mac salad.
How bad my Pirates losing?
Excellent, also any chance
we can get a little more
of this amazing,
wet, watery salsa?
Sure.
I need to go in and call
my boyfriend Irv, anyway.
Irv...
She's too good for Irv.
She should date that
guy from her office.
The one she gives the big donut
to every year on his birthday.
Mark Matthews? Mark
Matthews! Her work husband!
She's always posting
about how it's not sexual,
but I think they
could get there.
How do you know Mark
Matthews? What's going on?
You guys have been
saying lots of weird stuff.
We'll always love you!
Please don't block us!
So you figured out
we were making drugs.
What?! No, honestly, we
were just here for Julius!
So you aren't here to take
down my huge cocaine operation?
Wow, that's a ton of cocaine.
Well, now you've
definitely seen it,
so I still have to kill you.
It's funny, I was just saying
I bet the only thing softer
than an alligator wallet
would be a human one.
And now I get to find out.
If you had just let me
cook my vegetables,
none of this would be happening.
But then we never
would've met Julius.
Wouldn't you
rather die with Julius
than have never met him? No!
Aah! Julius look away!
What the hell is that?
Whoa.
His eyes are like
two rhinestones...
In a bowl of heavy cream!
Aah! Aah!
Ugh! Oh!
Whoo! Who thinks this
is stupid now, Francine?
How'd you get John
Cena to save us?
He saw the jambalaya
stain on our script
and asked how it happened!
Oh, when Stu and Klaude told me
you had a missing
alligator, I had to help.
See, I once had a pet alligator.
Well, actually... he was
more of a best friend.
But I lost him while
scouting a shrimp factory
for a new Elbow Grease book.
Wait...
Julius?!
It really is you!
Wait a second. He
was your alligator?!
And we both named him Julius?
I guess he
does just look like a Julius.
God, I miss Julius!
Man, it really hurts when you
lose something you care about.
It's almost like you
and your garden.
Actually, it's
exactly like that.
Francine, I think I
just learned a lesson.
I know I learned
one. Trying too...
Oh, look! The trailer for Julius
and John Cena's new movie is up!
They stole the idea from Steve
and Klaus. Isn't that funny?
He's a nuclear physicist
you'd wanna get a beer with...
and he's an alligator
you wanna have sex with.
And together they're bad
news for the bad guys.
This fall, John Cena
is Brevin Docent...
and introducing
Julius as... Julius.
Two geniuses from
different genuses.
You're gonna wanna
this dude and this alligator!
Directed by James Cameron.
Bye! Have a beautiful time!