American Dad! (2005–…): Season 17, Episode 18 - Please Please Jeff - full transcript
Jeff's people pleasing nature gets in the way of his relationship with Hayley; Stan wears a confusing costume to the CIA costume party.
♪♪
Hey!
Whoa, man!
I think I have
that disorder
where you fall asleep
after you stay up all night.
That's not a disorder,
that's called exhaustion.
What were you doing up
all night?
Mrs. S asked me to prep
the chilaquiles,
enchiladas suizas,
and huevos motuleños
for breakfast.
You made this?
No.
The way you say the names
of this traditional
Mexican breakfast
sounds different
from mom's,
but tastes
exactly like it.
My secret?
I always
have Jeff make it.
Another secret?
"Huevos" is Spanish
for eggs and balls!
Jeff, you shouldn't be
staying up
all night
doing chores for my mom.
Especially before we celebrate
our anniversary!
Our wedding's birthday!
Sure.
So let's be well-rested
for our wedding birthday
dinner tomorrow.
And for
the festivities after.
It's our weird sex stuff
birthday, too.
Not to me, Jeff.
Okay!
I've just finished
designing my costume
for the CIA costume party.
And this is how I'll be going!
I don't know
what I'm looking at.
You're looking at
chicken baby.
Chicken baby!
Dad, I don't think anyone
at the CIA is going to
understand
your costume.
Chicken baby is...
- not a thing.
- "Nothing is a thing
until it happens
for the first time."
Do you know who said that,
Steve?
Chicken baby.
Welcome aboard, Steve.
♪♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
*AMERICAN DAD (2005)*
Season 17 Episode 18 (IMDB)
Aired on: November 21, 2022.
Episode Title:
"Please Please Jeff"
Jeff, we're gonna be late
for our dinner reservation!
Well, hello miss unobstructed
forehead!
And who's this persona?
Oh, this is no persona,
this is an homage.
To my favorite man,
Tony Mendez.
Was he...
One of those two brothers
who killed their parents?
No, those were
the Menendez brothers.
Both way hotter than this guy.
Tony Mendez is who Ben Affleck
played in "Argo"...
1979, dude made a fake movie
to fly hostages out of Iran.
And planes didn't even exist
before that!
Tony Mendez made
the first airplane!
That...
Isn't true.
Ah, you got me.
Just trying a lie.
Anyhoo, I'm celebrating
the opening
of an Argo Museum
in Fargo, North Dakota.
Apparently, they tried to put it
in Argo, Alabama,
but there was already a museum
dedicated to the movie
"Fargo" there.
Jeff, get down here!
I can't hear any more
about Tony Mendez!
He was a scorpio
and he hated mushrooms.
- ♪ Let me see that thong ♪
- One sec, babe.
I just need to finish recording
this song off the radio.
It's the last song I need
for Klaus's mix tape for danuta.
♪ Thong, thong... ♪
Now you're doing favors
for Klaus?!
I believe "favors" means
they'll be returned.
I get nothing!
Oh, my god, babe.
You are such
a people-pleaser!
Thank you.
It's not a compliment.
- It's really not.
- Roger!
Alright, consider me...
Gone, girl!
The another great Ben Affleck film.
If you excuse me,
I'm off to the town.
To bang some mallrats.
Jeff, you gotta learn
how to say no!
I told Klaus I was celebrating
with you,
but he said making the mix tape
was the most important thing
in the world to him
but he didn't feel like doing
it himself because it's boring.
I couldn't say no!
What if he got mad at me?!
Who cares if Klaus
gets mad at you?
But when someone's mad at me,
I get so anxious!
Look, bottom line:
You need to do
what you want,
not what other people
want you to do.
Alright,
that won't be hard.
Great! Now put on this shirt
for dinner.
You know you're not supposed
to choose your own clothes.
You got it, babe!
♪♪
Finally, I get you
all to myself.
Nobody coming around,
being like "duh, Jeff,
chew my food, wipe my butt."
Oh, no, your shirt!
Whoops!
It's just,
when you do voices,
they're spot-on!
But who are they?
Hey!
You look like me!
No, I don't.
I look like
Jonathan Taylor Thomas!
And I thought the manager said
we couldn't do our laundry here.
Hey, new guy!
I said no laundry!
Me?
I don't...
I just spilled on my...
You spilled on your shirt,
and now
you're doing laundry
like I asked you not to!
Well, yeah,
but...
Are you trying
to make me mad?
Are you not mad already?
Get back in the kitchen
or I'll be really mad!
Okay, boss!
Hey!
What's that sloshing?!
You better not be an employee
doing laundry in there!
Uh... nope! Just a horny
customer jerking off!
Very good, sir.
Thank you choosing
Mama Mangia's.
♪♪
Whoa!
Look at that hot-ass dad
- wearing the...
- Did somebody say
"hot-ass dad
wearing the perfect costume"?
Stan, you stepped on
my line.
Take it from the top.
Did someone say...
Stan!
You're not giving me time
to say it!
You know what?
Forget it.
This is just for
Steve's benefit.
My benefit?
Huh-ho!
Wow!
What am I lookin' at?!
Right?
Right?
Chicken baby
in the flesh.
Did I nail it
or what?!
And instead of milk,
kool-aid and...
Ever clear?
Nothing but the best
for the best-dressed,
no-stress,
feeling young and blessed.
Dad, I'm worried you're gonna
spend all night
explaining your costume.
Oh, okay, I see:
You're jealous.
Aw, it's so sad.
But I forgive you,
because as everyone knows,
chicken baby has a big heart
full of forgiveness.
So go ♪♪♪♪ yourself.
And there's stiles
as a werewolf!
Better check your moon schedule
before you go camping
with this guy!
And look, dick's a scarecrow!
Wouldn't hurt to check your moon
schedule about him too.
In fact, it's startin' to seem
like these moon schedule
party favors aren't as stupid
as people first thought!
Bloody hell, Smith!
What are you?!
Probably should have checked
Your moon schedule
before you chose
that getup!
These 2017 moon schedules,
right?!
Indispensable!
The manager's a real tyrant,
huh?
Tell me about it, he's making me
work on my anniversary.
Jeff!
Customer in the kitchen!
Hide!
What are you doing?!
You left me alone so long
I watched
"the irishman"
in its entirety
on my phone!
I'm so sorry, babe!
The manager asked me
to wash dishes,
and then something came up
with, um, with...
Jane's babysitter.
Jane. So she asked me
to cover for her.
And I didn't know
she was working a double!
Jeff! Table, now.
Hey, if I don't see you again,
I just wanted to say,
thanks for telling me
about all the girls
you banged at Christian camp.
Do you understand
what I'm saying, Jeff?
Have you said all the parts?
- Get back in the kitchen!
- Okay.
- Jeff! Sit down!
- Okay.
It's happening!
I'm getting angry!
Aah! Jeff doesn't
work here, you moron!
He's just a people-pleaser
who can't say no!
My bad!
Thank you for choosing
Mama Mangia's!
Jeff! You gotta stop doing
what everyone else wants.
You're not just a monkey
taking orders.
But I like doing what makes
other people happy.
That's my reason
for doing anything.
Plus, I like monkeys!
What about tonight?
Our "wedding's birthday"?
Did you want this?
Well, you asked me to marry you!
I what.
You proposed to me.
I thought you wanted...
I was talking about
where we're eating,
not our whole
♪♪♪♪ing marriage!
Oh-ho, good.
Whew.
The restaurant?
No.
Mmm...
No.
I can't believe
you only married me
because I asked you to.
Babe, wait!
Could you
keep it down, please?!
I'm jerking off really
hard right now.
♪♪
Oh, hey, Jeff.
What's up, sad-ass?
I messed up.
And now Hayley's worried
I just married her
because she wanted me to.
But that's
what happened, right?
Yeah...
But I also married her
because I wanted me to.
I love babe.
She called me
a people pleaser.
Which turns out
is a bad thing!
Whoa, bad things
are harsh.
Hey, could you give me a hand
plucking these
strawberry seeds
out of my toothbrushes?
My fingers are sore
from piano lessons.
Sounds like you have to show
Hayley you're capable of making
a self-motivated decision.
- Is that what I gotta do?
- Yes.
And you can do that by choosing
to do something no one
in the world
would want to do but you.
My heart's desire!
Yes!
But what is that?
I can't tell you that, Jeff.
But this little bag can.
- Is that drugs?
- Yes.
I love when drugs
are the solution!
Your costume is a failure.
You're a big,
stupid idiot, Stan.
Time to tear up
this mensa membership card.
Men's spa?!
Oh, that's why no one wanted
to do anagrams
with me in the steam room.
Whoa, it's chicken baby!
Great costume!
Who said thaaaaa...
Chimes...
My name is shaman Randy,
you may know me as the part-time
lifeguard at the y.
I was full-time
but they cut my hours.
Guess they don't care
if kids drown from 7 to 9.
This is mother ayahuasca.
And on today's journey she will
show you your heart's desire.
And mess you up
real good.
Ayahuasca's so powerful,
it costs ten whole dollars
for a container this big
at whole foods.
Tuttle's confusing ayahuasca
with açaí berries
I'm not correcting him.
Now ayahuasca can make you
feel a little
like vomiting.
But as the Dalai Lama
famously said,
"the more you throw up,
the more you grow up."
And then he famously threw up.
Namaste.
Shaman Randy?
Please, call me
shaman Randy.
When will it kick in?
I don't feel any...
Differreeennnt...
♪♪
♪ Quando o coracao para ♪
Make my chilaquiles,
bitch!
♪ A eternidade começa ♪
Aah! Oooh-ooh!
Mix tape!
"Thong song"!
♪ Quando o ritmo cessa ♪
♪ An be ta anga yalahoula ♪
♪ Kiléganfai yalahoula ♪
- ♪ An be ta anga koumahoula ♪
- Ooh-ooh! Shave me!
Shave my monkey balls!
I'm supposed to be chicken baby!
Everybody knows!
♪ An be ta anga baro la ♪
Moon schedules!
Get your indispensable
moon schedules!
Aah!
♪♪
I know what I want!
I know what I want!
I know what I wanna do!
Yes, yes,
that's quite common.
More have to than want to.
No, I know how to show Hayley
I'm capable of doing things
just because I want to do them.
I'm gonna drive a plane
across America!
Wow! I need you to wipe your
mouth immediately.
And you don't mean "fly"
a plane?
No.
My license is for driving.
I'm going to taxi
across the country,
right back into
Hayley's heart.
Well, I gotta hand it to you.
That's certainly something
no one else
in the history of time
has ever wanted to do.
But there's just
the small matter
of where to get a plane...
They have a ton of them
at the airport.
You know what, I could
give ya my old plane.
It's just been sitting
gathering dust.
Really?
If Jeff gets a plane,
can I get an amen?!
- Amen!
- Amen!
Wait, stop, stop!
It's okay, sir,
you hit your head pretty hard,
but you're gonna be fine.
No!
No I'm not!
My son...
He thinks so little of me.
Well, that's
pretty common.
No, somebody recognized
my costume!
It wasn't us...
But there was a guy in here!
A shoe!
Whoever was in that stall
got my costume,
and when he ran out
to share the good news,
he lost his shoe.
He's my cinderella!
No one's leaving this party
until I find him.
When it's a man you say
cinderfella, you bigot!
♪♪
Hayley, did you hide
my driving cane?
I'll hide it up your ass
if you don't get out of here.
I'm sorry, Klaus.
I... I don't even know if
my husband
wanted to marry me.
Wow!
I'm touched you would open up
to me about this.
And fortunately,
I have some advice
that'll solve...
What the hell?!
Well, babe,
I guess it's pretty obvious
what this means!
No!
Not even a little bit!
I'm driving this thing
to North Dakota
to remove any doubt about
the sincerity of my wedding vows.
That sounds kind of
unnecessary bordering on stupid!
I'm glad you think so!
'Cause that proves
I'm doing it for me!
Whoa!
Wonder where he's going
in such a hurry.
I'm flying this car
to Fort Lauderdale
to prove to my wife
I love her.
That's sweet.
His wife is gonna be
so happy.
So I don't know if my marriage
is even real.
Of course Jeff said "I do,"
but he never says
no to anything!
Oh, totally!
I dared him to kiss a bat...
And he did!
He also mounted our TV
and hung the picture frames
and got rid of the dead bat
in the back of the refrigerator.
This bat's dead?
No, that's a different bat.
Our other bat.
Look, what I'm trying to say is,
I don't even know
if Jeff loves me.
Because of the bat?
No.
Of course he loves you.
He won't shut up about you!
Oh my god, nerf,
check out this bat.
Is he freaking gorgeous
or what?
Oh, my god,
get it!
He's $6,000
though...
Screw it,
I'm getting it.
- I got it. It's done.
- Wait, guys!
What do you mean
Jeff won't shut up about me?
Do you guys talk to him a lot?
Yeah, just when
he's trimming my bush.
He always makes it
about you.
When he what's your what now?!
Oh, my god!
Look, Jeff's always gonna be
a people pleaser,
that's just who he is.
But if you don't realize
he loves you,
- you are bat shit crazy.
- Hey, look!
Someone's driving a big
metal bat on the highway!
For those of you who just
unmuted your TVs,
yes, someone's driving
a plane down the road,
causing incredible damage.
Eye witnesses say it even
tore through a foot locker,
exposing that they do, in fact,
have your size in the back.
Now let's throw it over
to Memphis,
who, like the plane,
is down on the ground.
Y'hate to see it, Greg.
Six adult bookstores,
completely decimated.
What was once the heartbeat
of Langley,
affectionately known
as skin alley, is now no more.
And now I'm standing next
to a man who seems to think
I'm going to interview him,
but I'm not.
Back to you!
This just feels good!
I'm following my heart,
showing babe that what we have
is real.
And I'm in the middle of
a knife fight
with Jesus.
It's babe!
Wait, this isn't safe.
I should be in airplane mode.
I'm switching
to airplane mode, too.
I'm dying!
That's everybody's shoes?
Yeah, Stan, you did it.
No one is wearing shoes.
I don't like that tone, dick,
I'm not being stupid.
I'm looking for my
cinderella shoe match.
Where are the hostage
negotiators?
Over there.
Why aren't we using them?
Cuz they blew out their voices
singing
"livin' on a prayer"
in the karaoke room.
That was them?!
It was worth it.
But we've contacted
Smith's family
and someone's coming
to talk him down.
Oh, boy.
Dad?
Is everything okay?
Oh yeah.
Better than okay, Steve.
Contrary to what you thought,
someone recognized my costume.
And the...
The shoes are for what, dad?
I'm looking for my cinderella...
The man who recognized
my costume left a shoe behind.
Couldn't you have just looked
for the person with one shoe?
Millennials, always taking
the easy way.
And you...
You're only wearing
one shoe, dad.
So your cinderella is...
Me. So that must mean
my subconscious told me
how kick ass my costume
was before I passed out.
I guess I should feel lucky
to have
such a supportive subconscious.
Great, dad.
So can everybody go home
to their families then?
Not quite yet, Steve.
Maybe you guys didn't know
I was chicken baby,
but I knew.
And that was the lesson
I was trying to teach my son.
Teach all of you really.
Because if you know
who you are in here...
Uh-oh, here comes
the tranquilizer.
Then it doesn't matter
what anybody else thinks of you
chicken baby's a metaphor
for being yourself...
Let the party continue!
We still have the photo booth
for an hour
if anyone wants to wear
a funny hat with me!
Get off the road!
You're making me late for work!
Ever heard of flying, moron?!
Sorry!
I know babe told me not to care
if people are mad at me,
but I do care!
I can't not care!
I give up!
Tuttle, put some clothes
on, bud.
We're in mixed company.
I don't wanna!
Babe, we need to talk.
No, babe,
we need to talk.
I tried my hardest to show you
I love you,
but I just got in everybody's
way and they were honking
and I felt terrible.
I failed.
If you don't want to be
married to me,
I understand.
No, babe.
Just the opposite.
I love you, Jeff.
And I know that being
a people pleaser
is just part of the whole
beautiful package of Jeff.
But I didn't prove I love you!
You don't have to.
Nerfer and danuta
did it for you.
Aww, those guys are great.
They let me kiss a bat!
When you try to make
people happy,
it's your way of showing
you love them.
And nobody could make me
happier than you do.
What in Tony Mendez's
blessed name are you doing?!
My girl Margot
at the Argo Museum
told me to turn on the news
'cause there's an embargo on
my cargo headed for Fargo!
This plane needs to get
to North Dakota
or I'm not getting
400 bucks.
Wait, this was your idea?
As Jeff's ayahuasca shaman,
I may have had a light hand
in guiding him.
Drive my plane to Fargo!
Drive my plane to Fargo!
That's your heart's desire!
Okay?
Drive my plane to Fargo!
Heart's desire!
So get back on
the plane, Jeff!
- You gotta get movin'!
- No!
Find somebody else
to drive your plane!
Never mind, I just spotted
an extremely
qualified candidate.
Aah!
Have a good night!
Hey!
Whoa, man!
I think I have
that disorder
where you fall asleep
after you stay up all night.
That's not a disorder,
that's called exhaustion.
What were you doing up
all night?
Mrs. S asked me to prep
the chilaquiles,
enchiladas suizas,
and huevos motuleños
for breakfast.
You made this?
No.
The way you say the names
of this traditional
Mexican breakfast
sounds different
from mom's,
but tastes
exactly like it.
My secret?
I always
have Jeff make it.
Another secret?
"Huevos" is Spanish
for eggs and balls!
Jeff, you shouldn't be
staying up
all night
doing chores for my mom.
Especially before we celebrate
our anniversary!
Our wedding's birthday!
Sure.
So let's be well-rested
for our wedding birthday
dinner tomorrow.
And for
the festivities after.
It's our weird sex stuff
birthday, too.
Not to me, Jeff.
Okay!
I've just finished
designing my costume
for the CIA costume party.
And this is how I'll be going!
I don't know
what I'm looking at.
You're looking at
chicken baby.
Chicken baby!
Dad, I don't think anyone
at the CIA is going to
understand
your costume.
Chicken baby is...
- not a thing.
- "Nothing is a thing
until it happens
for the first time."
Do you know who said that,
Steve?
Chicken baby.
Welcome aboard, Steve.
♪♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
*AMERICAN DAD (2005)*
Season 17 Episode 18 (IMDB)
Aired on: November 21, 2022.
Episode Title:
"Please Please Jeff"
Jeff, we're gonna be late
for our dinner reservation!
Well, hello miss unobstructed
forehead!
And who's this persona?
Oh, this is no persona,
this is an homage.
To my favorite man,
Tony Mendez.
Was he...
One of those two brothers
who killed their parents?
No, those were
the Menendez brothers.
Both way hotter than this guy.
Tony Mendez is who Ben Affleck
played in "Argo"...
1979, dude made a fake movie
to fly hostages out of Iran.
And planes didn't even exist
before that!
Tony Mendez made
the first airplane!
That...
Isn't true.
Ah, you got me.
Just trying a lie.
Anyhoo, I'm celebrating
the opening
of an Argo Museum
in Fargo, North Dakota.
Apparently, they tried to put it
in Argo, Alabama,
but there was already a museum
dedicated to the movie
"Fargo" there.
Jeff, get down here!
I can't hear any more
about Tony Mendez!
He was a scorpio
and he hated mushrooms.
- ♪ Let me see that thong ♪
- One sec, babe.
I just need to finish recording
this song off the radio.
It's the last song I need
for Klaus's mix tape for danuta.
♪ Thong, thong... ♪
Now you're doing favors
for Klaus?!
I believe "favors" means
they'll be returned.
I get nothing!
Oh, my god, babe.
You are such
a people-pleaser!
Thank you.
It's not a compliment.
- It's really not.
- Roger!
Alright, consider me...
Gone, girl!
The another great Ben Affleck film.
If you excuse me,
I'm off to the town.
To bang some mallrats.
Jeff, you gotta learn
how to say no!
I told Klaus I was celebrating
with you,
but he said making the mix tape
was the most important thing
in the world to him
but he didn't feel like doing
it himself because it's boring.
I couldn't say no!
What if he got mad at me?!
Who cares if Klaus
gets mad at you?
But when someone's mad at me,
I get so anxious!
Look, bottom line:
You need to do
what you want,
not what other people
want you to do.
Alright,
that won't be hard.
Great! Now put on this shirt
for dinner.
You know you're not supposed
to choose your own clothes.
You got it, babe!
♪♪
Finally, I get you
all to myself.
Nobody coming around,
being like "duh, Jeff,
chew my food, wipe my butt."
Oh, no, your shirt!
Whoops!
It's just,
when you do voices,
they're spot-on!
But who are they?
Hey!
You look like me!
No, I don't.
I look like
Jonathan Taylor Thomas!
And I thought the manager said
we couldn't do our laundry here.
Hey, new guy!
I said no laundry!
Me?
I don't...
I just spilled on my...
You spilled on your shirt,
and now
you're doing laundry
like I asked you not to!
Well, yeah,
but...
Are you trying
to make me mad?
Are you not mad already?
Get back in the kitchen
or I'll be really mad!
Okay, boss!
Hey!
What's that sloshing?!
You better not be an employee
doing laundry in there!
Uh... nope! Just a horny
customer jerking off!
Very good, sir.
Thank you choosing
Mama Mangia's.
♪♪
Whoa!
Look at that hot-ass dad
- wearing the...
- Did somebody say
"hot-ass dad
wearing the perfect costume"?
Stan, you stepped on
my line.
Take it from the top.
Did someone say...
Stan!
You're not giving me time
to say it!
You know what?
Forget it.
This is just for
Steve's benefit.
My benefit?
Huh-ho!
Wow!
What am I lookin' at?!
Right?
Right?
Chicken baby
in the flesh.
Did I nail it
or what?!
And instead of milk,
kool-aid and...
Ever clear?
Nothing but the best
for the best-dressed,
no-stress,
feeling young and blessed.
Dad, I'm worried you're gonna
spend all night
explaining your costume.
Oh, okay, I see:
You're jealous.
Aw, it's so sad.
But I forgive you,
because as everyone knows,
chicken baby has a big heart
full of forgiveness.
So go ♪♪♪♪ yourself.
And there's stiles
as a werewolf!
Better check your moon schedule
before you go camping
with this guy!
And look, dick's a scarecrow!
Wouldn't hurt to check your moon
schedule about him too.
In fact, it's startin' to seem
like these moon schedule
party favors aren't as stupid
as people first thought!
Bloody hell, Smith!
What are you?!
Probably should have checked
Your moon schedule
before you chose
that getup!
These 2017 moon schedules,
right?!
Indispensable!
The manager's a real tyrant,
huh?
Tell me about it, he's making me
work on my anniversary.
Jeff!
Customer in the kitchen!
Hide!
What are you doing?!
You left me alone so long
I watched
"the irishman"
in its entirety
on my phone!
I'm so sorry, babe!
The manager asked me
to wash dishes,
and then something came up
with, um, with...
Jane's babysitter.
Jane. So she asked me
to cover for her.
And I didn't know
she was working a double!
Jeff! Table, now.
Hey, if I don't see you again,
I just wanted to say,
thanks for telling me
about all the girls
you banged at Christian camp.
Do you understand
what I'm saying, Jeff?
Have you said all the parts?
- Get back in the kitchen!
- Okay.
- Jeff! Sit down!
- Okay.
It's happening!
I'm getting angry!
Aah! Jeff doesn't
work here, you moron!
He's just a people-pleaser
who can't say no!
My bad!
Thank you for choosing
Mama Mangia's!
Jeff! You gotta stop doing
what everyone else wants.
You're not just a monkey
taking orders.
But I like doing what makes
other people happy.
That's my reason
for doing anything.
Plus, I like monkeys!
What about tonight?
Our "wedding's birthday"?
Did you want this?
Well, you asked me to marry you!
I what.
You proposed to me.
I thought you wanted...
I was talking about
where we're eating,
not our whole
♪♪♪♪ing marriage!
Oh-ho, good.
Whew.
The restaurant?
No.
Mmm...
No.
I can't believe
you only married me
because I asked you to.
Babe, wait!
Could you
keep it down, please?!
I'm jerking off really
hard right now.
♪♪
Oh, hey, Jeff.
What's up, sad-ass?
I messed up.
And now Hayley's worried
I just married her
because she wanted me to.
But that's
what happened, right?
Yeah...
But I also married her
because I wanted me to.
I love babe.
She called me
a people pleaser.
Which turns out
is a bad thing!
Whoa, bad things
are harsh.
Hey, could you give me a hand
plucking these
strawberry seeds
out of my toothbrushes?
My fingers are sore
from piano lessons.
Sounds like you have to show
Hayley you're capable of making
a self-motivated decision.
- Is that what I gotta do?
- Yes.
And you can do that by choosing
to do something no one
in the world
would want to do but you.
My heart's desire!
Yes!
But what is that?
I can't tell you that, Jeff.
But this little bag can.
- Is that drugs?
- Yes.
I love when drugs
are the solution!
Your costume is a failure.
You're a big,
stupid idiot, Stan.
Time to tear up
this mensa membership card.
Men's spa?!
Oh, that's why no one wanted
to do anagrams
with me in the steam room.
Whoa, it's chicken baby!
Great costume!
Who said thaaaaa...
Chimes...
My name is shaman Randy,
you may know me as the part-time
lifeguard at the y.
I was full-time
but they cut my hours.
Guess they don't care
if kids drown from 7 to 9.
This is mother ayahuasca.
And on today's journey she will
show you your heart's desire.
And mess you up
real good.
Ayahuasca's so powerful,
it costs ten whole dollars
for a container this big
at whole foods.
Tuttle's confusing ayahuasca
with açaí berries
I'm not correcting him.
Now ayahuasca can make you
feel a little
like vomiting.
But as the Dalai Lama
famously said,
"the more you throw up,
the more you grow up."
And then he famously threw up.
Namaste.
Shaman Randy?
Please, call me
shaman Randy.
When will it kick in?
I don't feel any...
Differreeennnt...
♪♪
♪ Quando o coracao para ♪
Make my chilaquiles,
bitch!
♪ A eternidade começa ♪
Aah! Oooh-ooh!
Mix tape!
"Thong song"!
♪ Quando o ritmo cessa ♪
♪ An be ta anga yalahoula ♪
♪ Kiléganfai yalahoula ♪
- ♪ An be ta anga koumahoula ♪
- Ooh-ooh! Shave me!
Shave my monkey balls!
I'm supposed to be chicken baby!
Everybody knows!
♪ An be ta anga baro la ♪
Moon schedules!
Get your indispensable
moon schedules!
Aah!
♪♪
I know what I want!
I know what I want!
I know what I wanna do!
Yes, yes,
that's quite common.
More have to than want to.
No, I know how to show Hayley
I'm capable of doing things
just because I want to do them.
I'm gonna drive a plane
across America!
Wow! I need you to wipe your
mouth immediately.
And you don't mean "fly"
a plane?
No.
My license is for driving.
I'm going to taxi
across the country,
right back into
Hayley's heart.
Well, I gotta hand it to you.
That's certainly something
no one else
in the history of time
has ever wanted to do.
But there's just
the small matter
of where to get a plane...
They have a ton of them
at the airport.
You know what, I could
give ya my old plane.
It's just been sitting
gathering dust.
Really?
If Jeff gets a plane,
can I get an amen?!
- Amen!
- Amen!
Wait, stop, stop!
It's okay, sir,
you hit your head pretty hard,
but you're gonna be fine.
No!
No I'm not!
My son...
He thinks so little of me.
Well, that's
pretty common.
No, somebody recognized
my costume!
It wasn't us...
But there was a guy in here!
A shoe!
Whoever was in that stall
got my costume,
and when he ran out
to share the good news,
he lost his shoe.
He's my cinderella!
No one's leaving this party
until I find him.
When it's a man you say
cinderfella, you bigot!
♪♪
Hayley, did you hide
my driving cane?
I'll hide it up your ass
if you don't get out of here.
I'm sorry, Klaus.
I... I don't even know if
my husband
wanted to marry me.
Wow!
I'm touched you would open up
to me about this.
And fortunately,
I have some advice
that'll solve...
What the hell?!
Well, babe,
I guess it's pretty obvious
what this means!
No!
Not even a little bit!
I'm driving this thing
to North Dakota
to remove any doubt about
the sincerity of my wedding vows.
That sounds kind of
unnecessary bordering on stupid!
I'm glad you think so!
'Cause that proves
I'm doing it for me!
Whoa!
Wonder where he's going
in such a hurry.
I'm flying this car
to Fort Lauderdale
to prove to my wife
I love her.
That's sweet.
His wife is gonna be
so happy.
So I don't know if my marriage
is even real.
Of course Jeff said "I do,"
but he never says
no to anything!
Oh, totally!
I dared him to kiss a bat...
And he did!
He also mounted our TV
and hung the picture frames
and got rid of the dead bat
in the back of the refrigerator.
This bat's dead?
No, that's a different bat.
Our other bat.
Look, what I'm trying to say is,
I don't even know
if Jeff loves me.
Because of the bat?
No.
Of course he loves you.
He won't shut up about you!
Oh my god, nerf,
check out this bat.
Is he freaking gorgeous
or what?
Oh, my god,
get it!
He's $6,000
though...
Screw it,
I'm getting it.
- I got it. It's done.
- Wait, guys!
What do you mean
Jeff won't shut up about me?
Do you guys talk to him a lot?
Yeah, just when
he's trimming my bush.
He always makes it
about you.
When he what's your what now?!
Oh, my god!
Look, Jeff's always gonna be
a people pleaser,
that's just who he is.
But if you don't realize
he loves you,
- you are bat shit crazy.
- Hey, look!
Someone's driving a big
metal bat on the highway!
For those of you who just
unmuted your TVs,
yes, someone's driving
a plane down the road,
causing incredible damage.
Eye witnesses say it even
tore through a foot locker,
exposing that they do, in fact,
have your size in the back.
Now let's throw it over
to Memphis,
who, like the plane,
is down on the ground.
Y'hate to see it, Greg.
Six adult bookstores,
completely decimated.
What was once the heartbeat
of Langley,
affectionately known
as skin alley, is now no more.
And now I'm standing next
to a man who seems to think
I'm going to interview him,
but I'm not.
Back to you!
This just feels good!
I'm following my heart,
showing babe that what we have
is real.
And I'm in the middle of
a knife fight
with Jesus.
It's babe!
Wait, this isn't safe.
I should be in airplane mode.
I'm switching
to airplane mode, too.
I'm dying!
That's everybody's shoes?
Yeah, Stan, you did it.
No one is wearing shoes.
I don't like that tone, dick,
I'm not being stupid.
I'm looking for my
cinderella shoe match.
Where are the hostage
negotiators?
Over there.
Why aren't we using them?
Cuz they blew out their voices
singing
"livin' on a prayer"
in the karaoke room.
That was them?!
It was worth it.
But we've contacted
Smith's family
and someone's coming
to talk him down.
Oh, boy.
Dad?
Is everything okay?
Oh yeah.
Better than okay, Steve.
Contrary to what you thought,
someone recognized my costume.
And the...
The shoes are for what, dad?
I'm looking for my cinderella...
The man who recognized
my costume left a shoe behind.
Couldn't you have just looked
for the person with one shoe?
Millennials, always taking
the easy way.
And you...
You're only wearing
one shoe, dad.
So your cinderella is...
Me. So that must mean
my subconscious told me
how kick ass my costume
was before I passed out.
I guess I should feel lucky
to have
such a supportive subconscious.
Great, dad.
So can everybody go home
to their families then?
Not quite yet, Steve.
Maybe you guys didn't know
I was chicken baby,
but I knew.
And that was the lesson
I was trying to teach my son.
Teach all of you really.
Because if you know
who you are in here...
Uh-oh, here comes
the tranquilizer.
Then it doesn't matter
what anybody else thinks of you
chicken baby's a metaphor
for being yourself...
Let the party continue!
We still have the photo booth
for an hour
if anyone wants to wear
a funny hat with me!
Get off the road!
You're making me late for work!
Ever heard of flying, moron?!
Sorry!
I know babe told me not to care
if people are mad at me,
but I do care!
I can't not care!
I give up!
Tuttle, put some clothes
on, bud.
We're in mixed company.
I don't wanna!
Babe, we need to talk.
No, babe,
we need to talk.
I tried my hardest to show you
I love you,
but I just got in everybody's
way and they were honking
and I felt terrible.
I failed.
If you don't want to be
married to me,
I understand.
No, babe.
Just the opposite.
I love you, Jeff.
And I know that being
a people pleaser
is just part of the whole
beautiful package of Jeff.
But I didn't prove I love you!
You don't have to.
Nerfer and danuta
did it for you.
Aww, those guys are great.
They let me kiss a bat!
When you try to make
people happy,
it's your way of showing
you love them.
And nobody could make me
happier than you do.
What in Tony Mendez's
blessed name are you doing?!
My girl Margot
at the Argo Museum
told me to turn on the news
'cause there's an embargo on
my cargo headed for Fargo!
This plane needs to get
to North Dakota
or I'm not getting
400 bucks.
Wait, this was your idea?
As Jeff's ayahuasca shaman,
I may have had a light hand
in guiding him.
Drive my plane to Fargo!
Drive my plane to Fargo!
That's your heart's desire!
Okay?
Drive my plane to Fargo!
Heart's desire!
So get back on
the plane, Jeff!
- You gotta get movin'!
- No!
Find somebody else
to drive your plane!
Never mind, I just spotted
an extremely
qualified candidate.
Aah!
Have a good night!