American Dad! (2005–…): Season 17, Episode 17 - Hayley Was a Girl Scout? - full transcript
Stan is forced to co-lead a scouts troop with Hayley while Steve blunders in his fantasy world.
It's crab night, baby!
Boy, do I love crab season.
Anyone get any meat?
No.
That fishmonger at Whole Foods
made a fool of you again.
God dang it!
Anyone want to go in
on soup dumplings? I have a code.
Can't. I have a troop meeting.
Since when are you involved
with Girl Scouts?
I've been working
with this down-and-out troop
for a couple weeks now.
It's been so fulfilling to give back
because girls really do face
so many obstacles.
Never run into that myself.
Plus, I get to give
the support I never got
when I was a Girl Scout.
You were in Girl Scouts?
I just got my archery badge!
Uh-huh? I'm busy.
We just won the big jamboree!
Can't you see I'm trying
to enjoy this night with my jar?
I'm quitting Girl Scouts.
You don't care about it
and neither do I.
- You're quitting what now?
- Girl Scouts.
You were in Girl Scouts?
Yes, I was, but you completely missed it
because you never pay attention to me.
It's true, Stan. You don't pay attention
to either of your kids.
If I pay too close attention,
I notice all their faults.
Like, look at Steve.
I'm looking at him and all I see
is that scrawny body and little chin.
He has glasses.
His eyes don't work right.
And I hate the frames he chose.
They don't look...
Oof. This is pretty rough stuff.
Thankfully, I can retreat
into my rich fantasy life.
I wonder what it would be like
to be the wizard Merlin's secretary.
Running low on quills.
I know he likes the gray quills.
Says they write more smoothly.
And if Merlin says they're smooth,
then smooth they are.
Oh, Merle.
Steve. Ah!
I just want to make sure
my robe is back from the launderer. Hmm?
Got that big soiree
with Lancelot and Arthur tonight.
The robe?
Of course! The robe's handled.
Magical!
He's constantly daydreaming...
I forgot the robe!
And now he's forgotten the robe.
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
♪ I got a feeling
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
- ♪ Good morning, USA ♪
- Ah!
*AMERICAN DAD (2005)*
Season 17 Episode 17 (IMDB)
Good morning, US...
Episode Title: "Hayley Was a Girl Scout?"
Aired on: November 14, 2022.
Guess I'm done singing.
What did I do?
You crashed into the flagpole.
Yes, but don't worry, my car is fine.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
You can't leave, sir.
- What about him?
- Sir, that's a cat.
I'm writing you a ticket.
I'm allowed to crash into the flagpole!
Tell him, Dimitri.
Have you been drinking, sir?
That's just my 'buch.
I drink six highly-fermented kombuchas
each morning
to keep my microbiome balanced.
Ooh. The bad bacteria
is getting the upper hand.
Let me just get a swig.
You can't touch me. I outrank you.
Catch me, Dimitri!
Stanford Leonard Smith,
you have been charged with...
One sec. I'm feeling a rumble.
'Buch me, Francine.
Order!
Stan Smith, I am sentencing you
to 50 hours of community service.
What? First a police officer
tells me what to do,
and now a judge?
Your assignment is to clean
the outhouses at the rodeo.
No!
You don't have to freak out. I'm not
married to the whole rodeo thing.
What you got?
Um...
There's a Girl Scout troop
I could help with.
Mmm. Mama likey!
Okay. Adjourned.
'Buch me!
People think judges are so mean.
But all you have to do
is catch them after lunch.
Dad, I'm so excited you're finally
doing Girl Scouts with me.
Okay, let me introduce you to our troop.
This is Lizzy.
- Whatever.
- Dana.
I'm not going to remember that.
I'm not here to make friends.
I'm here to not clean outhouses.
I'll be napping for a week
while you do dumb girly stuff.
Dad, Girl Scouts isn't
all what you call "girly stuff."
We do empowering things
like camping, archery...
People or targets?
Well, targets, of course.
Snooze.
Plus, robotics and engineering.
Lizzy, why don't you show
new troop leader Smith your robot?
Meh. That's no Johnny 5.
We're rehearsing our skit
for the jamboree.
Do you want to see it before your nap?
Look, little birdie,
this here is not my scene.
So you can tweet-tweet all you want to.
I'm still gonna sleep-sleep
all I want to.
Steve,
did you shower after gym?
No. My trick is to sneak in
after the final bell
and shower when it's empty.
A luxurious rub-a-dub-dub.
Clean Steve will smell real nice
Clean Steve, preventing lice
Thank you for helping with
our possum problem in the locker room.
I can't believe we found
so many all-female exterminators.
And on Bring Your Teenage Daughter
to Work Day.
Hold on.
Sounds like one of those possums
is doing a little rub-a-dub-dub.
Oh, my God!
Drink it in, ladies.
Oof, more rough stuff.
Time for a trip to Camelot.
- What?
- I'm so sorry this is last minute,
but can you clean Merlin's robe?
No, we close at 4:30.
But Merlin needs the robe today.
4:30 is miller time.
It's when I meet the miller down
at the inn and get drunk on Coors Light.
Coors Light?
Here's an opportunity for you
to support the girls,
and you were just
sleeping through it again.
I am glad this is your last day.
I was waiting and waiting,
and I hear a knock.
A knock, a knock on the door.
But it was my mom.
I was washing the dishes
and reading the newspaper
when I hear a knock, a knock,
a knock on the door.
But it was the mailman.
I opened the door. It was...
Cecilia and Tanya!
Oh!
What? Oh, my God.
It was four girls the whole time.
I thought it was just two girls.
But it was four.
Did you know? How are you sitting?
Rise.
Congratulations on participating.
What? They didn't take first?
Oh, I get it.
You're saying girls can't be funny.
Dad, be quiet.
Now you're telling me what to do?
I'm making a connection.
I got it.
Girls are told by society
what they can and can't do.
Just like I was told
I couldn't crash into the flagpole.
Hayley, have you ever
stopped to consider
what it would be like to live
as a woman?
The challenges they face.
Dad, that's what I...
Not now. The stars are coming.
Even though I completed
my 50 hours of service,
I'm going to stick around and
do everything I can to help my girls.
Your girls?
Yes.
Yes.
I know that being a man
and leading this troop of future She-EOs
is intrinsically problematic,
so I'm not here to talk.
I'm here to listen. Hayley.
Today we're going to finish up
our keepsake pillows.
- Take...
- One second. I don't want to interrupt
- because I know men tend to interrupt.
- But ew! Making pillows?
These girls shouldn't be sewing pillows
like homemakers.
They should be making pills
like scientists,
the biggest pills
the world has ever seen.
Pills the size of pillows
that kill the craziest diseases.
Girls, if you didn't have
Hayley's glass ceiling in your way,
what would you do?
Hmm...
- Pony camp?
- Pony camp!
That sounds fun!
No, ponies are still small horses.
You need to think big.
I would go to the National Girl Scouts
Robotics Convention
in Baraboo, Wisconsin
and compete for the golden beret.
Holy!
That's it.
I don't know what it is, but it's it.
Whoa, whoa! I think
we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Hayley, are you mansplaining to me?
Women can't mansplain.
Wow, you've got a whole long list
of things women can't do.
Girls, we are going
to go to that convention.
We are going to win that beret,
and I'm going to look great in it.
Yay!
I get it.
But we don't even have
enough money to make dues right now.
Maybe if we bring in
enough from cookie sales?
- Cookies?
- Girl Scout cookies.
Your big idea is cookies?
Oh, like little Suzy homemaker,
baking for the boys.
Why don't we just put
them in skirts, Hayley?
That's what we do.
Oh, my God!
If we're gonna make money,
we need to saturate the market
with something
that shatters gender norms.
That sketch proved
your strong suit is legs.
What other legs are there?
Crab legs, spider legs,
piano legs, turkey legs.
Turkey legs?
Yes, that's it. Turkey legs.
Great big ones you get at the fair.
That idea gets
my approving laughter as well.
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
We're not basting fast enough.
Don't worry, troop leader Smith.
I built something to help.
Lizzy, you're a genius.
This will make production twice as fast.
Could we let the arm do
the turkey-killing so we don't have to?
No, hand strangling
is a big part of our brand.
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
That was a disaster.
We didn't even sell a single leg.
You just kept handing money
back and forth with one customer.
Yeah, I'm afraid what happened there
was a classic quick-change scam.
He took me for $1,600.
Only one person is rich enough
to drive that close to buildings.
Filibuster Q Jorgenson.
The car wash magnate of Langley.
And he's here to make a deal.
You want to buy all the turkey legs?
No, the legs are disgusting.
But the boys down at the dock say
that you've got an arm. A robot arm.
I want to buy the patent, and I'm in
the mood to spend a lot of money on it.
Can you pay me in LaserCoin?
It's a highly-volatile cryptocurrency.
Can't lose.
Okay.
Deal. We're going to Baraboo!
I'ma keep that boo going
for our hater-in-chief, Hayley.
Boo!
This is for exposing yourself
to my aunt!
She worked so hard to become
the family's first female exterminator!
She's a trailblazer!
It's working!
Oh, no, no, no, no!
These were iron-ons?
Wow. I expected more
from a robe made by...
H&M?
Aw!
You want me to hack into the troop's
LaserCoin account and drain the funds?
Why?
So that Dad will look like a failure
and leave the troop in shame.
But won't that hurt the girls?
Only at first.
It'll be way worse if Dad takes them
all the way to nationals
and humiliates them.
May I articulate a theme here?
Are you sure you're not
jealous of the girls?
Stan has been showing them
the love and support
you never received
when you were a Girl Scout.
Perhaps this is why you feel
the need to sabotage them.
That's ridiculous!
I'm doing this for those little bitches.
Well, let's get Jurgen to hack them.
I don't know anything about computers.
Oh, no.
Did you lose all your LaserCoin money?
No, we're crying
because you betrayed us.
Lizzy here just earned
her hacking badge.
She hack-blocked your hack
and traced it back to you.
You are banished from troop 7307.
What?
I said, you're dead to us.
I said, you're dead to us.
We hope you die.
Don't come back or show your face to us.
We hope you die.
Don't come back or show your face to us.
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
- Uh-huh!
- Uh-huh!
One more time.
One more time.
- Quiet style.
- Quiet style.
Hayley's dead to us.
Okay, if we're going to win
the Golden Beret,
we need to make our robot deadly.
- Or useful.
- Useful for killing?
How about a robot that cleans up?
The bodies of your enemies.
- No, like, your house.
- Like a Roomba!
Why didn't you just say that, Lizzy?
But what's the problem with Roombas?
They can't get over door jambs,
no kill features.
We're going to fix that
with this troop's bread and butter.
Legs!
Has someone been using my basketball?
Because I heard the distinct sound
of someone dribbling my basketball.
We haven't touched your basketball.
Well, don't.
What's this nerd scribble?
That's the robot
we're designing for nationals.
Oh!
- "- That's the robot." Oh!
- Get a life, Lizzy.
You wanna build something?
Build a boyfriend.
Back off my girls, Hayley.
Your girls? Ha!
You may have gotten lucky, Dad,
but the tables are about to turn.
What's wrong with Hayley?
Is she going through menopause,
or did she get her first period?
She's probably mad
you were never into Girl Scouts
when she did it.
Hayley was a Girl Scout?
No competition in sight.
The Golden Beret is pretty much ours.
Her Majesty.
We have a late entry. Troop 1622.
Troop 1622, present for competition.
What the hell are you doing here?
Where'd you get that bot? Roger, did you
have sex with a robot maker?
I'm like, eight years old,
you sick.
Robots,
to the competition ring!
Damn it. Mr. Belvedere himself
couldn't do it better.
The world is facing disconnect
due to globalization.
How would you foster
a greater sense of oneness?
Hate turns to anger.
Anger leads to fear.
Fear leads to suffering.
Come on, she's got to be cheating.
There's probably a parrot in there.
Spider Bot, same question.
Destroy dust, annihilate grime.
What's alarming about Steve's case
is that even in his fantasies,
he remains under extreme duress.
We may need to think about medication
and even institutionalization.
Do you understand what that means,
Steve?
Steve.
I can't believe I found a seamstress
who could remake the robe in time.
Oh, no, these are the wrong moons!
These are waning.
Merlin only wears waxing.
It's over. I'm done!
He's going to turn me into a newt.
Steve, I've come for my robe.
Looks great. Thanks, Steve.
I can't believe he didn't notice.
What a day it's been
in the life of Merlin's secretary.
Oh, and, Steve,
what's the ETA on that salad?
- Salad?
- My salad.
The salad! The salad!
The salad! The salad!
A salad does sound good.
There's a new salad place
across the street.
- Great.
- They even give you
a free piece of pita bread.
Finally, a good therapist.
And the Golden Beret goes to...
Troop 7307 and their Spider Bot!
Yay!
Dana, come here. Tanya. Where's Lizzy?
Dad, we won the Golden Beret
with my invention!
Not now, Lizzy.
I'm ordering socks online.
What? How could he not care?
How could he ignore
his amazing, gifted daughter?
Oh, my God, I...
I'm making a connection.
Close enough.
I have something to say
that I should have said a long time ago.
Hayley, I never gave you the support
and encouragement you deserve.
You're a great kid.
Troop 7307 forfeits.
This award belongs to you, Hayley.
Thanks, Dad.
That's not yours to give away!
Lizzy, look, someday you'll understand
when you have a daughter.
Or your dad will understand when
he goes through an adventure like mine.
Spider Bot, activate kill mode.
She gave it a kill mode.
Protect us, Butler Bot!
Hayley, aim for the small square
on its undercarriage.
That's its weak spot.
Why would you make a weak spot?
It was going to be
a frozen yogurt dispenser,
but Lizzy over-promised again
and ran out of time.
I can't do it.
You take the shot.
You're the weapons expert.
But you're the scout.
I believe in you, Hayley.
Deactivate kill mode.
It's not even worth it.
Come on, Spider Bot.
Let's go home.
You want me to pull that out?
Probably not.
It might be keeping me alive.
Ooh, man, I haven't run that fast
since I ran track in high school.
You ran track in high school?
Boy, do I love crab season.
Anyone get any meat?
No.
That fishmonger at Whole Foods
made a fool of you again.
God dang it!
Anyone want to go in
on soup dumplings? I have a code.
Can't. I have a troop meeting.
Since when are you involved
with Girl Scouts?
I've been working
with this down-and-out troop
for a couple weeks now.
It's been so fulfilling to give back
because girls really do face
so many obstacles.
Never run into that myself.
Plus, I get to give
the support I never got
when I was a Girl Scout.
You were in Girl Scouts?
I just got my archery badge!
Uh-huh? I'm busy.
We just won the big jamboree!
Can't you see I'm trying
to enjoy this night with my jar?
I'm quitting Girl Scouts.
You don't care about it
and neither do I.
- You're quitting what now?
- Girl Scouts.
You were in Girl Scouts?
Yes, I was, but you completely missed it
because you never pay attention to me.
It's true, Stan. You don't pay attention
to either of your kids.
If I pay too close attention,
I notice all their faults.
Like, look at Steve.
I'm looking at him and all I see
is that scrawny body and little chin.
He has glasses.
His eyes don't work right.
And I hate the frames he chose.
They don't look...
Oof. This is pretty rough stuff.
Thankfully, I can retreat
into my rich fantasy life.
I wonder what it would be like
to be the wizard Merlin's secretary.
Running low on quills.
I know he likes the gray quills.
Says they write more smoothly.
And if Merlin says they're smooth,
then smooth they are.
Oh, Merle.
Steve. Ah!
I just want to make sure
my robe is back from the launderer. Hmm?
Got that big soiree
with Lancelot and Arthur tonight.
The robe?
Of course! The robe's handled.
Magical!
He's constantly daydreaming...
I forgot the robe!
And now he's forgotten the robe.
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
♪ I got a feeling
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
- ♪ Good morning, USA ♪
- Ah!
*AMERICAN DAD (2005)*
Season 17 Episode 17 (IMDB)
Good morning, US...
Episode Title: "Hayley Was a Girl Scout?"
Aired on: November 14, 2022.
Guess I'm done singing.
What did I do?
You crashed into the flagpole.
Yes, but don't worry, my car is fine.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
You can't leave, sir.
- What about him?
- Sir, that's a cat.
I'm writing you a ticket.
I'm allowed to crash into the flagpole!
Tell him, Dimitri.
Have you been drinking, sir?
That's just my 'buch.
I drink six highly-fermented kombuchas
each morning
to keep my microbiome balanced.
Ooh. The bad bacteria
is getting the upper hand.
Let me just get a swig.
You can't touch me. I outrank you.
Catch me, Dimitri!
Stanford Leonard Smith,
you have been charged with...
One sec. I'm feeling a rumble.
'Buch me, Francine.
Order!
Stan Smith, I am sentencing you
to 50 hours of community service.
What? First a police officer
tells me what to do,
and now a judge?
Your assignment is to clean
the outhouses at the rodeo.
No!
You don't have to freak out. I'm not
married to the whole rodeo thing.
What you got?
Um...
There's a Girl Scout troop
I could help with.
Mmm. Mama likey!
Okay. Adjourned.
'Buch me!
People think judges are so mean.
But all you have to do
is catch them after lunch.
Dad, I'm so excited you're finally
doing Girl Scouts with me.
Okay, let me introduce you to our troop.
This is Lizzy.
- Whatever.
- Dana.
I'm not going to remember that.
I'm not here to make friends.
I'm here to not clean outhouses.
I'll be napping for a week
while you do dumb girly stuff.
Dad, Girl Scouts isn't
all what you call "girly stuff."
We do empowering things
like camping, archery...
People or targets?
Well, targets, of course.
Snooze.
Plus, robotics and engineering.
Lizzy, why don't you show
new troop leader Smith your robot?
Meh. That's no Johnny 5.
We're rehearsing our skit
for the jamboree.
Do you want to see it before your nap?
Look, little birdie,
this here is not my scene.
So you can tweet-tweet all you want to.
I'm still gonna sleep-sleep
all I want to.
Steve,
did you shower after gym?
No. My trick is to sneak in
after the final bell
and shower when it's empty.
A luxurious rub-a-dub-dub.
Clean Steve will smell real nice
Clean Steve, preventing lice
Thank you for helping with
our possum problem in the locker room.
I can't believe we found
so many all-female exterminators.
And on Bring Your Teenage Daughter
to Work Day.
Hold on.
Sounds like one of those possums
is doing a little rub-a-dub-dub.
Oh, my God!
Drink it in, ladies.
Oof, more rough stuff.
Time for a trip to Camelot.
- What?
- I'm so sorry this is last minute,
but can you clean Merlin's robe?
No, we close at 4:30.
But Merlin needs the robe today.
4:30 is miller time.
It's when I meet the miller down
at the inn and get drunk on Coors Light.
Coors Light?
Here's an opportunity for you
to support the girls,
and you were just
sleeping through it again.
I am glad this is your last day.
I was waiting and waiting,
and I hear a knock.
A knock, a knock on the door.
But it was my mom.
I was washing the dishes
and reading the newspaper
when I hear a knock, a knock,
a knock on the door.
But it was the mailman.
I opened the door. It was...
Cecilia and Tanya!
Oh!
What? Oh, my God.
It was four girls the whole time.
I thought it was just two girls.
But it was four.
Did you know? How are you sitting?
Rise.
Congratulations on participating.
What? They didn't take first?
Oh, I get it.
You're saying girls can't be funny.
Dad, be quiet.
Now you're telling me what to do?
I'm making a connection.
I got it.
Girls are told by society
what they can and can't do.
Just like I was told
I couldn't crash into the flagpole.
Hayley, have you ever
stopped to consider
what it would be like to live
as a woman?
The challenges they face.
Dad, that's what I...
Not now. The stars are coming.
Even though I completed
my 50 hours of service,
I'm going to stick around and
do everything I can to help my girls.
Your girls?
Yes.
Yes.
I know that being a man
and leading this troop of future She-EOs
is intrinsically problematic,
so I'm not here to talk.
I'm here to listen. Hayley.
Today we're going to finish up
our keepsake pillows.
- Take...
- One second. I don't want to interrupt
- because I know men tend to interrupt.
- But ew! Making pillows?
These girls shouldn't be sewing pillows
like homemakers.
They should be making pills
like scientists,
the biggest pills
the world has ever seen.
Pills the size of pillows
that kill the craziest diseases.
Girls, if you didn't have
Hayley's glass ceiling in your way,
what would you do?
Hmm...
- Pony camp?
- Pony camp!
That sounds fun!
No, ponies are still small horses.
You need to think big.
I would go to the National Girl Scouts
Robotics Convention
in Baraboo, Wisconsin
and compete for the golden beret.
Holy!
That's it.
I don't know what it is, but it's it.
Whoa, whoa! I think
we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Hayley, are you mansplaining to me?
Women can't mansplain.
Wow, you've got a whole long list
of things women can't do.
Girls, we are going
to go to that convention.
We are going to win that beret,
and I'm going to look great in it.
Yay!
I get it.
But we don't even have
enough money to make dues right now.
Maybe if we bring in
enough from cookie sales?
- Cookies?
- Girl Scout cookies.
Your big idea is cookies?
Oh, like little Suzy homemaker,
baking for the boys.
Why don't we just put
them in skirts, Hayley?
That's what we do.
Oh, my God!
If we're gonna make money,
we need to saturate the market
with something
that shatters gender norms.
That sketch proved
your strong suit is legs.
What other legs are there?
Crab legs, spider legs,
piano legs, turkey legs.
Turkey legs?
Yes, that's it. Turkey legs.
Great big ones you get at the fair.
That idea gets
my approving laughter as well.
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
We're not basting fast enough.
Don't worry, troop leader Smith.
I built something to help.
Lizzy, you're a genius.
This will make production twice as fast.
Could we let the arm do
the turkey-killing so we don't have to?
No, hand strangling
is a big part of our brand.
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
That was a disaster.
We didn't even sell a single leg.
You just kept handing money
back and forth with one customer.
Yeah, I'm afraid what happened there
was a classic quick-change scam.
He took me for $1,600.
Only one person is rich enough
to drive that close to buildings.
Filibuster Q Jorgenson.
The car wash magnate of Langley.
And he's here to make a deal.
You want to buy all the turkey legs?
No, the legs are disgusting.
But the boys down at the dock say
that you've got an arm. A robot arm.
I want to buy the patent, and I'm in
the mood to spend a lot of money on it.
Can you pay me in LaserCoin?
It's a highly-volatile cryptocurrency.
Can't lose.
Okay.
Deal. We're going to Baraboo!
I'ma keep that boo going
for our hater-in-chief, Hayley.
Boo!
This is for exposing yourself
to my aunt!
She worked so hard to become
the family's first female exterminator!
She's a trailblazer!
It's working!
Oh, no, no, no, no!
These were iron-ons?
Wow. I expected more
from a robe made by...
H&M?
Aw!
You want me to hack into the troop's
LaserCoin account and drain the funds?
Why?
So that Dad will look like a failure
and leave the troop in shame.
But won't that hurt the girls?
Only at first.
It'll be way worse if Dad takes them
all the way to nationals
and humiliates them.
May I articulate a theme here?
Are you sure you're not
jealous of the girls?
Stan has been showing them
the love and support
you never received
when you were a Girl Scout.
Perhaps this is why you feel
the need to sabotage them.
That's ridiculous!
I'm doing this for those little bitches.
Well, let's get Jurgen to hack them.
I don't know anything about computers.
Oh, no.
Did you lose all your LaserCoin money?
No, we're crying
because you betrayed us.
Lizzy here just earned
her hacking badge.
She hack-blocked your hack
and traced it back to you.
You are banished from troop 7307.
What?
I said, you're dead to us.
I said, you're dead to us.
We hope you die.
Don't come back or show your face to us.
We hope you die.
Don't come back or show your face to us.
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
- Uh-huh!
- Uh-huh!
One more time.
One more time.
- Quiet style.
- Quiet style.
Hayley's dead to us.
Okay, if we're going to win
the Golden Beret,
we need to make our robot deadly.
- Or useful.
- Useful for killing?
How about a robot that cleans up?
The bodies of your enemies.
- No, like, your house.
- Like a Roomba!
Why didn't you just say that, Lizzy?
But what's the problem with Roombas?
They can't get over door jambs,
no kill features.
We're going to fix that
with this troop's bread and butter.
Legs!
Has someone been using my basketball?
Because I heard the distinct sound
of someone dribbling my basketball.
We haven't touched your basketball.
Well, don't.
What's this nerd scribble?
That's the robot
we're designing for nationals.
Oh!
- "- That's the robot." Oh!
- Get a life, Lizzy.
You wanna build something?
Build a boyfriend.
Back off my girls, Hayley.
Your girls? Ha!
You may have gotten lucky, Dad,
but the tables are about to turn.
What's wrong with Hayley?
Is she going through menopause,
or did she get her first period?
She's probably mad
you were never into Girl Scouts
when she did it.
Hayley was a Girl Scout?
No competition in sight.
The Golden Beret is pretty much ours.
Her Majesty.
We have a late entry. Troop 1622.
Troop 1622, present for competition.
What the hell are you doing here?
Where'd you get that bot? Roger, did you
have sex with a robot maker?
I'm like, eight years old,
you sick.
Robots,
to the competition ring!
Damn it. Mr. Belvedere himself
couldn't do it better.
The world is facing disconnect
due to globalization.
How would you foster
a greater sense of oneness?
Hate turns to anger.
Anger leads to fear.
Fear leads to suffering.
Come on, she's got to be cheating.
There's probably a parrot in there.
Spider Bot, same question.
Destroy dust, annihilate grime.
What's alarming about Steve's case
is that even in his fantasies,
he remains under extreme duress.
We may need to think about medication
and even institutionalization.
Do you understand what that means,
Steve?
Steve.
I can't believe I found a seamstress
who could remake the robe in time.
Oh, no, these are the wrong moons!
These are waning.
Merlin only wears waxing.
It's over. I'm done!
He's going to turn me into a newt.
Steve, I've come for my robe.
Looks great. Thanks, Steve.
I can't believe he didn't notice.
What a day it's been
in the life of Merlin's secretary.
Oh, and, Steve,
what's the ETA on that salad?
- Salad?
- My salad.
The salad! The salad!
The salad! The salad!
A salad does sound good.
There's a new salad place
across the street.
- Great.
- They even give you
a free piece of pita bread.
Finally, a good therapist.
And the Golden Beret goes to...
Troop 7307 and their Spider Bot!
Yay!
Dana, come here. Tanya. Where's Lizzy?
Dad, we won the Golden Beret
with my invention!
Not now, Lizzy.
I'm ordering socks online.
What? How could he not care?
How could he ignore
his amazing, gifted daughter?
Oh, my God, I...
I'm making a connection.
Close enough.
I have something to say
that I should have said a long time ago.
Hayley, I never gave you the support
and encouragement you deserve.
You're a great kid.
Troop 7307 forfeits.
This award belongs to you, Hayley.
Thanks, Dad.
That's not yours to give away!
Lizzy, look, someday you'll understand
when you have a daughter.
Or your dad will understand when
he goes through an adventure like mine.
Spider Bot, activate kill mode.
She gave it a kill mode.
Protect us, Butler Bot!
Hayley, aim for the small square
on its undercarriage.
That's its weak spot.
Why would you make a weak spot?
It was going to be
a frozen yogurt dispenser,
but Lizzy over-promised again
and ran out of time.
I can't do it.
You take the shot.
You're the weapons expert.
But you're the scout.
I believe in you, Hayley.
Deactivate kill mode.
It's not even worth it.
Come on, Spider Bot.
Let's go home.
You want me to pull that out?
Probably not.
It might be keeping me alive.
Ooh, man, I haven't run that fast
since I ran track in high school.
You ran track in high school?